Love and Bacon Chapter 9: All the Crazy comes out At Night, an inuyasha fanfic

A/N:.How much longer can this go on before the ignorance becomes overwhelming? What else has to happen before this situation resolves itself? How much more will poor Lord Sesshoumaru have to suffer at the hands of imaginative writers and horrible human fiends? What other lamentations could I proclaim here that would make sense? Read on and see what happens next, and prepare your pity-to-a-teary-glands. HAHAA! If that made any sense to you at all, my kind of crazy is contagious and you've been infected. ;D

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Youkai. They think they're Better than humans, Better because they're Strong, they're Fast, they're Older, with more Experience. Khh!

Kohaku struggled to keep the bile from rising in his throat. How had he Missed it? How had he been so Blind? Of course it should have been that obvious, when Sesshoumaru had spent all this time only stopping by to see Rin, only ever really paying attention to Rin, bringing her kimonos and trinkets, makeup and sandals, grooming her, Grooming her to be...to be his Wife, to grow as HE wanted her to, to do what HE wanted, just like the abomination had planted a shard in my back to control me, just like Nara-

NO!

Kohaku hissed and snapped the kusarigama back to his hand, shaking a bit as he shook his head forcefully. NO! He had to Focus. Sesshoumaru was not Naraku. He was, he was an honor...honorable...

But the image of Rin crying as she threw that apple at him and walked away, it burned in his mind, it drudged up a thousand assumptions, grew and festered a sickening feeling within his souring gut, and he resolved that, no matter What, she would not Cry for this Manipulative Youkai's so-called 'love' again, she would not fall prey to the clenching claws of a Youkai running Her Life how He Saw Fit!

Kohaku steeled himself and refocused again. Sesshoumaru was about six shaku tall-no, no, he was sure that was just a Little off, the taiyoukai held himself regally and was quite tall, but just Under six full shaku. Maybe five and five-sixths.

If Sesshoumaru challenged Kohaku to get out of the way of what He wanted, Kohaku would have to be Prepared. Sesshoumaru was of the most dangerous and deadly sort of youkai, not just because he was powerful, but he was intelligent, fast, intuitive in battle. He predicted his opponents with relative ease, he read their moves like a child's poem. So if Kohaku wanted to stand a chance, he had to know What he was Doing.

Well. The taiyoukai's armor gave away a few of his secrets, no doubt. Kohaku knew that spiked pauldron was on one side to guard that side from attack. Now that made sense as most foes attacked from the right, but Sesshoumaru was more Practical than that. Kohaku realized this meant that was his Weak Side, the side he was more likely to falter on. And in truth he'd seen the evidence of that already, in that the left was the side Inuyasha had gotten him on, gotten him Good, taken the arm clean off. Of course it was back now and had hauled Bakusaiga with it, so...

Mmm, Bakusaiga. He wasn't sure if the disintegration power was going to work on Humans, but he Was Sure he didn't want to be the first to find out the answer the hard way. How did he disarm the taiyoukai once he drew that blade?

HAH! Kohaku smiled as his eyes narrowed at that thought. Well, he didn't have to disarm the taiyoukai After he drew his sword. Certainly one as skilled as he could slice the sash and drop those swords like useless stones, stop him from drawing a blade to begin with, at least long enough to give Kohaku an edge at the start of the fight.

And speaking of that, he could also certainly split the weaker side of the armor itself. On the side with the fluff, unguarded by any pauldron, slung low for movement, the side of the rib that rests under his arm would be the weakest point of that armor. When his right arm lifted to strike, Kohaku could wedge the kusarigama under his armpit and hook it hard, rip it off the youkai with his swords and sash in one fell maneuver. If that didn't work, he'd use the dog's vanity against him, and try to make a slice at the dog's pretty perfect hair, and when Sesshoumaru tried to dodge to spare his mane, Kohaku would anticipate that, he'd start a swing from the side with a cross-stance that feigned the angle of attack before delivering a surprise blow...

Kohaku was a master strategist, something others rarely saw themselves as he went off on his own to slay youkai these days. He'd studied very well all the arts of efficiently slaughtering foes that outmatched whole droves of soldiers. He'd learned, learned about patience, subterfuge, timing, wit, learned about letting cruel demons sink into a false sense of security, learned to let myself be grossly underestimated...

NO! Sesshoumaru was not Naraku. No matter what's going on right now, Sesshoumaru is NOT Naraku! Maybe he was a Dog, a Youkai with a nature that was base and crude, maybe he wouldn't relent until someone else put him in his place, but he had to remember, had to recall...

Yet the fact remained, or at least Kohaku Thought that it was Fact, that Sesshoumaru would surely persist until he was given reason to stop.

Setting his jaw grimly, Kohaku's dark cherrywood eyes flashed with harsh determination. In Dog culture, he figured, the goal is to become the Alpha, to become the Dominant Male, to make the others of the pack Submit. Perhaps once he defeated Sesshoumaru, the Dog part of him would then understand that he should not trifle with the feelings of fragile human females, lest he bring out the Alpha in tough human males...

"Uh-oh," Inuyasha stopped as they got to the end of the treeline, pausing to take a deep sniff, then glancing over at his brother, who had also paused to do the same and winced as he realized what the hanyou had detected.

"She's with Kagome," Sesshoumaru agreed quietly, and his golden orbs swirled with a troubled look again, locking with his brother's ambergris.

"Hey, listen...I'll just leave this deer for Kagome to fix up and we'll go uh, we'll go do something...else. Rikichi said a few days ago that he's running low on sweet-woods to smoke the jerky with, we can gather up a bunch for him, y'know, maplewood, hickory..."

"Uo, if you think so...but should I really, should I Really be Avoiding her this much?"

"Okay, come on in the house and we'll sit and watch how awkward it gets when you two can't look at or talk to each other in front of us. Better yet, take her off to the side alone and try not to cry when she rapes you."

"You are Vulgar and disgusting, your obscenity offends me," Sesshoumaru grumbled, truly annoyed by that word 'rape' even if it felt...well, in a strange way it almost felt like it was a little too close to being True for his comfort.

"Well, I didn't mean it like That," Inuyasha flicked one ear low as he spoke in a sincerely apologetic tone, "but you know what I Meant."

"Damare, temee hanyou, 'nat'o korosh'mas'!"

"Hai," Inuyasha agreed softly, "naruhodo."

"Hn!"

"I'll be right back," Inuyasha said after a moment, leaving his brother at the treeline while he flitted over to his house and went in to drop off the deer, getting there just a few minutes after Kagome and Rin had returned.

"Oh, Inuyasha, you look a little sad," Kagome peered at her husband as he walked in, "what's wrong?"

"Mmm, more'n half a herd got that brain disease, this was the only safe doe left, but I didn't wanna leave a mama without her baby. Brawler's herd, and Brawler too. He put up a good fight, the old brute. Kinda sad though. Seven outta twelve had it, three of the does and four babies. Only this doe had a run with a younger buck, but her baby nursed off a nanny and got it anyways. Three bucks and one older doe didn't get sick. At least it wasn't all of his family line, one of the last three bucks is his for sure."

"How sad," Kagome dipped her head and brought her hands up, saying a little prayer over the doe he'd brought back, "well, Miss Doe of Brawler's herd, I thank you for your meat, and I hope you all find peace. Inuyasha didn't want to hurt you all."

"Keh! Sentiment," Inuyasha sniffed, blushing a bit as Rin looked over at this exchange a little strangely, ears flicking, "you're so Mushy."

"I can't help it, I'm just a human woman," Kagome coughed lightly and gave him a kiss, knowing exactly what he meant.

"Inuyasha-san? Can I ask you something?" Rin piped up suddenly, and curious, Inuyasha turned to look at her.

"Uh, sure."

"What have you and Lord Sesshoumaru been up to this past day or so? You two seem to be hanging out a lot," she said casually, Too Casually.

"Keh! Stupid mongrel dog just follows me around like a stray, maybe because I gave him bacon. You know him, Rin. He doesn't say much. I'm not a mind-reader, maybe it's something else, but d'ya really expect him to tell Me what's up with him? Why don't You ask? He talks to You."

"Mmmm," Rin furrowed her brow at him, sensing something there, but not sensing Enough, she didn't press, "Well, sometimes, he doesn't even tell Me what he's thinking, you know," she murmured after that, then shook her head, "well, I'll go and prepare the salt for the hide..." and then she strode outside to clear off the large slab they used for salting hides before they were rolled up for preservation and curing.

After she went outside, Kagome gave Inuyasha a Look.

"I think she still thinks she's got a chance," Kagome whispered sadly.

"Uo, she doesn't, don't worry so much," Inuyasha rolled his eyes, "but, speaking of hanging out with brothers...I'm taking him to get some of the smoker wood for Rikichi."

"Doesn't Rikichi already have plenty of that?"

"Sesshoumaru doesn't know that, and Rikichi won't tell, he's wise," Inuyasha winked at her, and she giggled and kissed him before he left.

For much of the day, the village fell into the routine of, well, Routine. Sango refitted her brother's armor with utmost care, carefully and precisely unstitching all the joints and soaking the cured youkai-sharkskin black leathery material in a special solution that gave it a bit more flexibility and stretch, then taking more wide strips of the same kind of hide and stitching each joint to an extra strip, then stitching them all back together with the added few inches here and there. It wouldn't look any different when she was done, but it would move with much more ease, it wouldn't hinder any of her brother's acrobatic maneuvers. She also prepared a large quantity of accessories for him, scent beads that incapacitated youkai with keen noses, scorch-powder for setting aflame to either burn foes or cauterize bleeding wounds, antivenoms and antitoxins that worked with such swiftness because Jinenji had refined the taijiya recipes for a few of their antidotes...

"Mew?" Kirara hopped up to her shoulder, peering down at the things she was working on at her table.

"Oh, I know, I know. But he's got to deal with this his own way, Kirara," Sango sighed, and Kirara rubbed her face with her face and agreed.

Outside, Kohaku still ran through tactical observations in his mind. He was sure he could find a way to compensate for the taiyoukai's speed, which was going to be the Hardest thing to deal with, as that was what Kohaku himself relied on heavily in many of his battles. Or perhaps, he thought, perhaps I could find a way to Slow Down the slippery dog instead...

Kohaku suspected that Kirara would balk at fighting Sesshoumaru, mostly because she was an intelligent cat youkai, and wouldn't understand at first what kind of fight was going on and why she should encourage it. So Kohaku wouldn't be able to rely on her for this-not that he really even Wanted to, he sort of felt like that would only make Sesshoumaru question the results. But Kohaku Was Sure, absolutely, positively Sure, that he could truly defeat Sesshoumaru if he could get that armor and that sword away from him, and slow him down long enough to get in a few good strikes. He didn't want to Kill the taiyoukai, he had no intention of Murdering him for the sake of heeding his Dog Nature, but he Did plan to teach that cur a lesson he'd not soon forget.

When night fell and Kohaku went inside, a bit of sweat glistening on his skin from the day's workout, Sango smiled at him sweetly and made a sweeping gesture towards the stand that had his newly refitted armor on it.

"I finished it up for you, it should let you move freely once more. I also restocked all your cuppings, and left everything in the same plate you had it in," she added, referring to the secretive, clamshell-like little pocket-holes the taijiya incorporated in their armors, especially on the inner curves of the plates at the shoulders and elbows, which they filled with the scent beads and scorch powders and such.

"Thanks, Ane-ue," Kohaku smiled at her with a touch of relief at that. He hadn't wanted to be unprepared for the moment he'd have to fight...

"No problem, little brother," she smiled back, and then, "you spent a lot of time practicing today, you must be hungry, ne?"

"Well, I can still wait for Hisui to finish eating," Kohaku chuckled as he watched his nephew fuss and nudge, "I Am old enough to even get my own plate and put my own food on it and everything, you know."

"Hah! Of course," Sango chuckled at her little brother's gentle tease and started to nurse her youngest baby...

"You wanna spend the night again?" Inuyasha asked after they dropped the last load of maplewood at Rikichi's house.

"What would be my excuse this time? You already put me into a food coma once," Sesshoumaru huffed.

"Well, between you 'n me, I'd say it's because all the craziness comes out at night," Inuyasha winked.

"Much as I know you're not even kidding," Sesshoumaru sighed, "if I make it Too Obvious that I'm avoiding her, she just might think I hate her or something silly like that, and I don't want to have to explain in one breath that I don't Hate her but I don't want to Marry her Either."

"Mmm, you got a point," Inuyasha murmured, "well, if you change your mind, you know where I live," he decided after a moment, and started to casually stroll away, leaving his brother to his own device.

Rin looked out the window studiously, eying the taiyoukai as he watched Inuyasha walk to his own house, then glanced up the hill towards his favorite tree, shuddered slightly, and turned a different direction. He headed for his Second Favorite Tree, off to the side of the village, one she also knew very well. With a smile of satisfaction touching her face, she found herself giggling at how predictable he actually was.

"Mind ye don't trip in the dark," Kaede said casually as the girl started to stroll outside.

"I won't," Rin giggled as she headed off to find Shippou, who was surely right around here somewhere...

She caught up to him near the stream, sorting out his tricks away from the prying eyes of hyperactive village children, and he smiled at her as she strode over to him with a grand grin.

"Lemme just put these away, I'll be ready in a couple minutes," he chuckled at her, not even having to ask what she was there for.

"Okay," she smiled wide at him and started to whistle a little tune, demeanor bubbly and giddy.

Once he'd tucked all his tools into his sleeves and pockets and flaps, he nodded at her and she led him through the trail, taking a shortcut through the swath of trees between here and there, and after a little bit, she paused and made a halting gesture.

"Okay, go ahead and transform, and then I want you to wait until I let out a loud whistle, and run over with a Big Smile, okay?"

"Okay, got it," Shippou agreed with a devious chuckle, and pulling out a leaf, he poofed into a slightly larger, more mature-looking version of Rin that had breasts like Kagome's and hips like Sango's, "how's this?"

"Perfect!" Rin smiled grandly, "now, just wait right here until you hear me whistle for you, okay?"

"Okay. And, good luck, I hope this works to help you," Shippou added with a giggle.

"Me too!" Rin agreed, skipping out of the trail and heading towards the place she knew.

Sesshoumaru sighed slightly as he felt her presence drawing nearer, hoping that this time she hadn't tried to stuff Squashes in her chest...

"Lord Sesshoumaru," Rin called softly, "are you busy?"

Oh what a Stupid Question. He Knew that She Knew that if he was Busy, he wouldn't be Sitting Here Under A Tree.

"No," he answered simply, daring to swallow his fear and steal a glance back at her, and relieved that she looked Normal now, he relaxed a bit.

"I think there's been a bit of a misunderstanding," Rin said gently as she approached, "and I think I know what it is. Of course, I'm just a, I'm just Silly sometimes, I didn't mean to, to throw that apple at you so Rudely," here she blushed and ducked her head a bit, "I just thought if I was going to show you what I looked like as a Grown Woman, that would be...one way to try and do it."

Hearing nothing that truly alarmed him yet, Sesshoumaru relaxed just a hair more as she spoke, hoping that the girl finally had some Sense in her head again, maybe after what had happened, after she told Kohaku what she felt, maybe then they'd all spoken together, they and Kaede-

"Well, it was just an apple," he blushed slightly at that, "it didn't hurt."

"Mmm, well if it Had, I'd be a little shocked," she giggled at that thought idly, and tilting her head with a grand smile, "but thank you for being so kind about it, I really did feel like you'd be upset about me doing that, at least a little bit."

Lulled into a comfort he was about to realize he shouldn't have fallen for, Sesshoumaru slipped his guard down and did something very Dumb.

He Trusted that she wasn't Up To Something, and loosed his tongue just enough to speak with a softer, kind, gentle voice.

"I was more upset that you were hurting your own feelings, Rin. I can get over you throwing fruit at me. I like fruit anyways."

"Oh, that's so sweet of you to say, Lord Sesshoumaru!" she blushed and chuckled with giddy glee at that, "And, I kinda figured you liked to eat fruit, you've always had a little bit of a sweet tooth, haven't you?"

"Uo," he agreed, watching as she scooted a bit closer, her hand drifting nearer to him on the grass.

"You know, I had to think about it for a long time, to ask myself what it was that really bothered you the most, and it occurred to me that all the makeup and pretty dresses and Apples in the world, those things wouldn't impress you. I asked myself, 'what am I Missing here?' and it took me a bit of thinking to figure it out," and here she paused, letting that statement dangle until it was tugged.

"Uo?" after a long pause, Sesshoumaru finally ventured to take the hint and noise in response.

Rin smiled, then turned her head away from him and blew out a sharp whistle, which made him raise his eyebrows at her, and she just winked.

"You'll see," she giggled and stood, brushing the dust off her kimono just as another Rin came running over-

OH NO! Sesshoumaru caught scent of the kitsune just as his eyes widened in surprise, and he couldn't believe the fox would conspire with-

"I'm Hhhheeeeeerrrreeee," Shippou bounced over cheerfully, the illusory breasts bouncing with him as he put some extra sway in his hips, not realizing that there was a certain white-haired taiyoukai half-hidden around the trunk of the tree until it was already too late to stop-

"See, Lord Sesshoumaru? THAT is what you have to look forward to when you marry me!" Rin declared with a grand smile.

"WWWHHHAAAATTTT? SS-SS-SESSH-SHOU-MARUUU?!" Shippou shrieked, tripped, flailed, reverted to his regular form, and yipped, "I swear I didn't know it was YOU!" and ran off screaming in terror.

"Didn't know? Silly fox, who Else would I have been talking about?" Rin asked, but as the kitsune had already bolted, she was muttering much more to herself than actually asking anyone else.

Sesshoumaru groaned and hung his head, asking himself why he'd fallen for her softness, her subtlety, her sly little Scheming Mind...

"Rin, that's not, that isn't...you really, Really misunderstand," he huffed, running his fingers through his bangs in anxiety-

"But I am a GROWN WOMAN NOW! You live so long, Lord Sesshoumaru, you age so slowly that it must seem strange to you, but I'm Human, and we age so much Faster than you do. I'm not getting any Younger, am I?!"

"Well no, you're not getting younger, but-"

Streaking down into the village, Shippou barrelled into Kaede's house, panting in wide-eyed fear as he skidded to a halt inside her house.

"It's not KOHAKU it's SESSHOUMARU!" he explained as she raised an eyebrow at him.

"Hmm?" she feigned ignorance, but her one gleaming eye showed amusement, and Shippou scowled at her for laughing at his terror.

"Rin, I'm talking about RIN! She asked me to show the Man Of Her Dreams what she would look like, to transform into a Grown Woman version of her so he wouldn't think of her as a Little Girl anymore, and I thought she was talking about Kohaku! But when she called me over to show him the form I turned into for her, it wasn't Kohaku, it was SESSHOUMARU! That Crazy Girl is in LOVE with SESSHOUMARU and she just had ME look like HER in FRONT OF HIM! He's gonna KILL ME!" the kitsune groaned and started to rub his head anxiously, "oohh Kaede, I'm DEAD!"

Kaede couldn't help it anymore and started to laugh, slapping her knee at the grand humor it brought her to hear these things.

"Oh, she be a crazy lass, 'tis true, 'tis true!" the old woman harumphed into mild hysterics.

"It's Not Funny," Shippou grumbled, trying to believe it himself as he rolled his eyes and settled himself a bit, "and I'm gonna have a Lot of explaining to do if I don't wanna get eaten by an angry dog..."

"I think ye need not worry about Angry Dogs, Shippou, I'm sure he realizes 'twas not ye who thought of it," Kaede chuckled knowingly.

"I sure Hope he realized that when I ran away screaming!" Shippou huffed, crossing his arms at her, annoyed but trying to hide his amusement as he recalled, "but, the look on his face...I think I might've gotten a few points at the Maboroshi for that," he chuckled as an afterthought, and Kaede whooped a bit more as she entertained the imagery in her own mind...

Kohaku furrowed his brow as he lowered the window-slats that looked outside his sister's house. Shippou had come back from the side hill with a reaction that bespoke fear, but there were no Unfamiliar youkai around, and he had not raised an alarm to call the others to slay a monster...

Rising and donning his armor, Kohaku picked up his kusarigama and slung it over his shoulder, heading outside with grim determination. He could only suspect what was going on, but somehow he felt he Knew, and he strode in the direction Shippou had come from with steel resolve...

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Poor Shippou! I had to get the little fox in one of his own traps this time, he's fairly clever and doesn't often fall for tricks he doesn't craft himself y'know. Review if you want to, you see the box down there ;D

"I'm almost finished with my artwork."

"I'm almost finished with my story."

"Hn. Your story will never match my artwork."

"Y'know, I don't even know what it Is, but somehow I feel like it's not going to be at all what I expected it to be."

"And wouldn't that just Bother you, to have Your Own Imagination play you for a Fool?"

"Uh...maybe not as much as you think?"

"Hn! That is because your sanity is already forfeit."

"Well it didn't fit before, so that can't be right."

"Did you just try to make a pun out of my using the word forfeit and try to bastardize it into fore-fit?"

"Uh...yes?"

"It truly will not be what you expect, temee gaijin ningen."

"I don't even know how that's possible, but I'll take your word for it..."