Episode 10: Water Park
[Screen square intro]
"If you work hard, you can find the right opportunities to be successful," Josh said.
"Just keep trying with what you want, and you're gonna get lucky," Drake said.
"I am trying to get all A's this semester," said Josh.
"I got lucky because I'm so talented. I have a hit song, with an album on the way," said Drake, making a guitar gesture.
"Of course, it's not easy to get all A's when you don't know what month it is and something wacky happens to you every day," Josh said.
"I bet I could release the album sooner if I didn't have to defend myself from weird stuff all the time," Drake said.
"If you just apply yourself, you can learn almost anything," Josh said.
"Everyone's gonna either have their lucky break, or become a hobo," Drake said.
"I still don't know what job I want to have, though," said Josh.
"I hope I can absorb some of Megan's luck and she becomes a hobo," Drake said.
[Screen square intro ends]
Josh was sitting in his room, using a laptop.
"It's not fair how Megan gets to have the internet and I don't. She has cool websites, and I just use this laptop for my work," Josh said, because it was the mid-2000's.
"So, anyway," he continued. "The standard deviation is about sixteen percent, and other deviations got more accepted in the late sixties."
Drake walked in.
"Hey, Josh, quit narrating your homework," Drake said.
"How come your laptop is connected to the internet and mine isn't?" Josh asked.
"So I can have a band website. Besides, Megan took my laptop," Drake said.
"Oh, so that's how she got it."
"And she already has one, so now she just has two," Drake said.
"Congratulations, you can do math," Josh said, sarcastically.
"That's not something to be proud of. Math is lame. I'm glad I'm not in that AP Math thingy that you're in."
"I like my AP Math class. It teaches me valuable skills," Josh said.
"Yeah, like how to be a loser," Drake quipped.
"No, it teaches me skills like gathering data, mapping probability, doing models, plotting axes, finding overlapping sets,..." Josh ranted.
"Wait, what was that that one?" Drake asked, intrigued.
"Finding overlapping sets," Josh said. "It's when you've got two groups of data..."
"No, that one about models!" Drake interjected.
"Oh, yeah, that's one of my favorite parts," Josh said.
"You have a class that teaches you how to do models?" Drake asked.
"Yes," Josh said.
Drake looked elated.
Maybe I should stop narrating my homework, Josh thought.
[Intro song]
I never thought it would be so simple, but
I found a way, I found a way
If you open up your mind
(See what's inside)
Gonna take some time to realign
Over your shoulder, you know that I told you
I'll always be picking you up when you're down
So just turn around
Hoo!
Drake was standing in his living room, eating a candy bar. He then sat on the couch and turned on the TV.
"Everything on this channel is good except for Dora," Drake said.
He picked up a glass of water and moved it towards his mouth. Before he could get it all the way there, it caught fire.
"Frickin Megan, always ruining everything," he said.
Drake put down the glass as Josh entered the room.
"Did Megan leave out another glass of nitroglycerine?" Josh asked.
"I don't know. Did you tell me you had a class where you do models?" Drake said.
"Yeah, I do," Josh said, "But I don't think you'd find it very interesting." Josh said.
"Do you honestly think I don't want to do that?" Drake said.
"Um... yes," Josh said, honestly.
"Well, I want to do that, okay!"
"Well, good thing you've come around," Josh said.
"What class are you taking?" Drake asked.
"It's called Primary Level Statistics. It has meetings every Saturday night."
"Do you go to meetings on Saturday?" Drake asked.
"No," Josh said. "He also sends out transcripts of the lecture by email. I read those because I never know what day it is."
"Who's 'he'?" Drake asked.
"Professor Salazar. I can talk to him about adding you to the class."
"Thank you," said Drake.
"You're welcome," said Josh.
"Did we just have a conversation without something bad happening to us?" Drake asked.
"Why is the TV on?" said Josh.
The burning glass then exploded, sending shrapnel all over the room.
"Megan!" said the two boys together.
[Arrow transition]
The two of them were once again leaving Belleview High School.
"How long have we been going to this school?" Josh asked.
"I don't care," Drake said. "Tell me where this Salazar dude is."
"He is supposed to be here soon. I called him," Josh said.
"Well, where is it?" Drake asked.
"On the edge of school grounds," Josh replied.
There was a quick cut that showed a poorly edited image of the boys walking in the field next to their stock photo school. There was then another close up.
"Is this where I'm supposed to go?" Drake asked.
"Yeah, he should be here soon," said Josh.
A man with uncombed white hair walked onto the screen.
"Josh, my good fellow!" he said. "I rarely see you at our lessons."
"I use the email, mostly," Josh said.
"I hope so," said Professor Salazar. "Who is this fellow here?"
"I have a hit song," Drake said.
"He's my stepbrother Drake. He wants to take this class," Josh said.
"Oh, wonderful," said Salazar.
"Is this the class where I learn how to do models?" Drake asked.
"Indeed it is, my young fellow!" Salazar said proudly.
"No offense, but you don't look like you can do that," Drake said.
"Well, I can, and I can teach you."
"Great. But why are you on the football field in mid-afternoon?" Drake asked.
"I go here every day at this time. I love the smell of astroturf."
The camera panned away to Craig and Eric walking by.
"Some guy made an awful video game crossover comic and put it online," Craig said.
"Let's start annoying him on the internet," Eric said.
"That's a good idea," Craig replied.
[Arrow transition]
Josh was using his laptop in his room.
"I wonder... What's gotten into Drake? He never liked math, but now he insisted on going to the lecture in person," Josh said.
"Don't talk to yourself, boob!" came Megan's voice from offscreen.
The scene shifts to Drake in a classroom. Professor Salazar was there, talking to the class, which included Craig and Eric.
"Today, we are going to talk about curves!" the teacher said proudly. "Does anyone here have a favorite curve?"
As Drake paused to consider his answer, Craig raised his hand.
"Yes, Mr. Craigster," Salazar said.
"My favorite is the hippopede."
"What?" Drake mouthed as the professor said "Excellent choice".
"However, we're going to use different sorts of curves for predictive analysis. We're probably not going to be using any hippopedes or Tchirnhausens," Salazar continued, chuckling.
Drake put his head in his hands.
"You, the new student, Drape, I think," Salazar said. "You seemed so eager to join. What kind of plot do you believe is the best?"
"One that doesn't get me in trouble," Drake said.
The class looked at him confusedly.
"God, spare me, please," Drake said to himself.
What follows is a speechless montage of Drake being confused or frustrated in the class.
"Drake, you've been doing terribly," Professor Salazar said. "Do you think you should drop this and go back to barely passing your regular classes?"
"No, please, Professor. I wanna do models," Drake pleaded.
"Well then, you'll have to do something for me to get your grade up," Salazar said.
"It's not anything that's banned in the Middle East, is it?" Drake asked.
"No, you'll have to look after my son."
"Not again," Drake said, remembering looking after Mrs. Hayfer's son.
[Arrow transition]
The two boys were in the living room.
"What is it you have to do again?" Josh asked.
"I have to babysit his stupid son, Marcus, who should be arriving soon," Drake said.
"You shouldn't call his son stupid," Josh said. "You haven't even met him yet."
"I don't wanna have to take care of him, but I need to so I won't fail that dumb class."
"Why do you want to keep taking it?" Josh asked. "It's not even for the high school."
"Because I want to do models. Duh!" Drake said.
Josh rolled his eyes and turned away. There was a knock at the door.
"Come in," Josh said just before a boy of about nine walked onto the screen.
"I'm Marcus, and you have to do what I want," he said.
"Uh, okay," said Drake. "Your dad likes math, so what's your favorite number?"
"E," said the boy.
"No, a number," said Drake.
"I," Marcus said.
Drake rolled his eyes.
"No, what NUMBER do you like?"
"I like pie!"
Drake turned to Josh.
"You've got to help me take care of this kid, because your professor wouldn't want to know that you were in the same house as me and didn't help me with his son."
Josh sighed and nodded his head.
"Get me a soda," Marcus demanded.
Josh walked offscreen.
"Why are all the young kids so rude?" Drake asked.
"Soon, I want to go to the water park and have fun," said Marcus.
Josh returned with the soda and handed it to Marcus.
"Help me get my SCUBA gear," Marcus said, causing the boys to look at each other in confusion.
[Arrow transition]
Drake and Josh were in swim trunks and T-shirts with towels on their shoulders while Marcus was in a diving outfit. The main boys looked slightly confused.
"Great, now I'm gonna have fun," said Marcus.
"You know you're supposed to wear a regular swimsuit, right?" Drake asked.
"I don't tell you how to live your life," Marcus said.
"Look, let's just go to the pool," Josh said. "It'll be fun."
"Yeah, hopefully no one will notice the weird kid in a Scoober suit," Drake said.
"If you diss my outfit, I'm gonna tell Dad on you," Marcus said.
"Why would you tell my dad?" Drake asked, confused.
"He means his dad, Professor Salazar," Josh said.
"Yeah," said Marcus.
"Anyway, off to Mission Bay!" Josh called.
"YEAH!" Marcus roared.
"Why haven't I done a single single model yet?" Drake sighed.
The scene shifted to reveal Megan in her room. On her bed there was a DVD of Frasier and on the wall was a printout of 1101 East Pike Street.
"I am now uncancelling my great plan for the third time," she announced.
She walked over to her dresser and opened a drawer. Megan pulled out eyeliner, lip balm, and a bubbling beaker with a lid on it.
"I've always wanted to enhance my strength juice," she said excitedly.
She pulled an eyedropper out of her pocket, and took the lid off the beaker. Then she poured one drop into the beaker. The liquid inside flew out of the container and broke the window.
"No, my strength juice!" shouted Megan. "Without it Jack would have buried me in the desert. I guess I'll have to get some more."
The liquid flew north through the atmosphere far away and landed on an angry blonde girl who was Megan's age.
[Arrow transition]
Drake and Josh were sitting on deck chairs at the water park.
"So, is there also an old York?" Drake asked.
"Yeah, I think it's in England or something," Josh said.
"Is that next to Italy or Russia?"
"No," Josh responded.
Drake looked at his wrist and then turned to Josh.
"Do you know what time it is?" he asked.
Josh walked up to a background character and asked "What time is it?"
"It's 3:30," said the extra.
"I think it's 3:30," Josh said. "Wait! Three thirty? That means Marcus has been gone for three hours. We gotta find him."
"Oh, yeah. We totally lost track of time," Drake said.
The two of them went running out of the shot with panicked faces.
"Marcus! Marcus!" Drake called.
Josh stopped by a lifeguard.
"Excuse me, Mr. Lifeguard. Have you seen a medium-size Hispanic boy running around in a SCUBA diver suit?"
"How high are you?" asked the lifeguard.
"I think six feet," Josh responded.
The lifeguard shook his head.
"Josh, do you think if I find his son, the professor will let me in bed with a model early? I hope it's a MAMIX model," said Drake.
"Wait, are you talking about a person?"
"Yeah. How long before the students do hot models?"
"Drake, the people in the class draw pictures of trends in things that happen and use them to predict things about other stuff. That's called a model," Josh said, dumbfounded.
"So we don't snoodle girls who get their pictures taken?" Drake said, equally dumbfounded.
"No, no one snoodles anything in a math class!" Josh shouted.
Drake looked like he had just discovered the Earth was flat. The camera then cut to Megan's face.
"Boobs," she said.
[Arrow transition]
Drake and Josh were talking angrily to a spot just offscreen, which was Megan.
"I know you followed us here for a bad reason!" said Drake.
"You should not be out in public wearing so little!" reprimanded Josh.
"I do what I want," said Megan, off camera.
"I bet you made that kid disappear just to blame it on me," Drake said.
"You're way too young. People are going to see you," Josh said.
"You're being a paranoid idiot, Josh. I can wear what I want to a water park."
Megan took a step forward, which was represented by the camera moving in that direction too.
"Bring us back Marcus so I don't get arrested again," said Drake.
"What if some adult films you or something?" Josh asked.
Megan and the camera took another step forwards before Megan said "I'd put his face on my dartboard. And I don't mean a picture."
"Show us Marcus! I don't want Josh to get into any trouble when I blame it all on him," Drake said.
A series of different expressions ran across Josh's face.
"I don't know who Marcus is, you dumb boobs! And what do you think swimsuits are for?" Megan yelled.
Words appeared on the screen saying "Megan ran off".
"We have to follow her!" Drake said.
The camera cut to Megan's head while she said "I hope the strength juice is still there".
The camera cut back to Drake and Josh.
"You mean I signed up for this class for nothing?" Drake asked.
"You are not allowed to hook up with models if they're adults. You can only ever snoodle teenagers. Ever!" Josh said.
"If you say so," Drake said, contemplatively.
[Arrow transition]
Megan's head was visible, bobbing up and down and humming the song Dancing Crazy.
"I hope the strength juice is still there," she said aloud.
The camera then cut back to Drake and Josh.
"I know she's done something with Marcus!" Drake called.
The camera then cut to Marcus, still in his SCUBA diver suit, munching on a pretzel. Marcus was at the spot where Drake and Josh were, and he looked confused.
"Hey, where are those guys?" he asked, and then walked off in the same direction the boys ran.
Megan stopped running and said "I need to remember which drain it was."
The camera accidentally slipped downward momentarily to reveal the actress was actually wearing a shirt. Suddenly, Drake and Josh came up beside her.
"Where do you think you're going, little girl!?" Josh asked and exclaimed.
"You have been nothing but trouble to us for many years!" Drake said.
"I wish it had been you the science man had injected, and that it had been poison," Megan said, the camera only focusing on her head and neck.
"What is she talking about?" Josh asked Drake.
"When she was a baby and Mom was out walking with us, some guy in a lab coat jabbed a needle into her and ran off," Drake said.
Josh looked dumbfounded.
"He took my blood and I don't know what he did with it," said Megan angrily.
Marcus then came walking up to them, still in his SCUBA suit. He would have taken about another minute to arrive, but the show needs to keep its pacing.
"Hey, what's going on?" Marcus asked.
"What did Megan do with you?" Drake asked.
"Who's Megan?" asked Marcus.
"I think some boob owes me an apology," Megan said, with only her head visible.
Just then, a background character threw a tarp and it coincidentally wrapped around Megan's body but not her head.
"Get lost, buttmole!" she shouted, and then walked forward, still wearing the tarp.
[Arrow transition]
Megan, wearing the tarp like a dress, was trying to pull a lid off its drain. The boys walked up to her, with Marcus following.
"Okay, we know you didn't do anything with Marcus," Drake said.
"But you've been acting really suspicious. Suspicious!" Josh said. "So, could you tell me what you've been doing?"
"It's bigger than you two foolish boobs could ever know," said Megan, unhelpfully.
"I wanna go home soon," Marcus said.
Megan rolled her eyes and scooted the lid off the hole.
"What's going on?" Drake asked.
Green fumes started coming out of the hole. Megan smiled and said "Yes".
"Take me back home," said Marcus.
"Okay," said Drake, turning away.
But as he turned away, a mass of water started gushing out of the hole.
"Oh, God. I forgot it was a drain pipe!" Megan cried.
Water started pouring all over the ground.
"Who builds pipes like this?" Josh shouted, as a small piece of green fluid started flowing out with the water.
"My strength juice!" Megan cried, but it was too late.
A boy, wearing a shirt, had come running up.
He said "Woohoo! Water!" before running right into the green liquid. The boy then crashed into Marcus and knocked him down before there was the sound effect of a watermelon blowing up and the boy ran off the screen.
"No!" cried Megan, while Drake and Josh looked dumbfounded.
Josh bent down onto the ground to where Marcus had fallen while Drake looked at Megan.
"What just happened?" Drake asked, as the water was still sloshing everywhere.
"The scientists put strength juice in the ground here and it got out. It must have gotten mixed with the water and now it's in that dumb kid," Megan said, anguished.
Even more water poured out.
[Credits scene]
Josh was at home, using his laptop.
"From Professor Salazar," he read out loud. "Due to the sudden death of my son, there will be no classes for two months."
Josh closed his laptop.
"No one will believe us if we tell them," Josh said, as Drake appeared in the frame, more sullen then usual.