"How long?"
I shook my head, confused by the question. "W-What?"
I was in my room in Branch's bunker that he built for us. Branch wanted us to stay. I decided to stay, and so did John Dory. Clay is too, after Viva said she was moving here to be with Poppy and their dad. Spruce Bruce is here until I get better…. If I get better. It's been five days since I was…. Freed from those…. People that kidnapped me... I'm still so weak… I can barely stand without nearly falling over, I…. I don't know if I can get better.
"Floyd…" Bruce looked at me compassionately. "How long were you in that diamond prison?" The question took me off guard, I felt a tightening in my chest, my arms starting to shake.
No, no, no, no, no…... I can't go back there again…... I can't go back there again!
"Floyd, hey..." A hand took mine; I looked up at my older brother, still shaking. "I'm right here. Nobody's going to hurt you again."
I shook, tears filling my eyes, looking down.
I didn't want to remember! I… I'm finally free from that hellish prison, but….. Why can't I forget?
"I…. I…."
Why can't I give an answer? What the hell is wrong with me?
"Okay…." I looked up, he was smiling. "That's okay. You just think, okay?"
Bruce…. The compassion he shares, I…. I haven't seen such compassion in years…
"Bruce, I-I… I don't…. I don't know how long I was there, i-it…." More tears filled my eyes. "It was such a long and endless time, my…. My life being sucked out of me… My life being torn out of my body…." I shook, looking down at my hands, which were shaking. "I….. I don't know…."
"Floyd…." I saw a glimpse of sadness and…... Sympathy? No…. It…. It looked like pity…. "Bud…. Can I hug you?"
I wrapped my arms around myself, curling up into a ball on my bed, my fragile legs trembling, slowly nodding.
When's the last time I even had a hug? I…. I don't remember….
My brothers' arms wrapped around me, I closed my eyes, feeling safe and secure. I didn't feel trapped, I felt… Safe. And warm…. Like nobody could hurt me…...
"I had a dream.
I got everything I wanted.
But when I wake up, I see.
You with me.
And you say,
"As long as I'm here, no one can hurt you.
Don't wanna lie here, but you can learn to
If I could change the way that you see yourself
You wouldn't wonder why you hear,
'They don't deserve you…...'"
Tears spilled down my cheeks, choking back a sob as I buried my head in Bruce's chest.
"Shhh…..." He rubbed my back soothingly with his tail. "It's okay…. Big brother's here, don't worry…."
"I-I never wanted this! I was so scared, I…. Bruce, I…." I trembled in his arms. "I thought I was going to die…."
"I know, little one…. I know…." I looked up at him a little in surprise.
"Little one?" I managed to squeak out.
"Yeah…. I remember when you were younger, I used to call you that all the time." He runs his tail down my back, an attempt to calm me. "Before Branch was born, you were the baby of the family. You were so cute, too!" He laughed, running his fingers through my hair. "Your cute little pink hair and your magenta eyes. You had JD, Clay and I wrapped around your little finger."
I remember…...
"I was safe back then…."
"Hey…." Bruce lifted my head up with his hand so that I was looking at him. "You're safe now. Nobody can hurt you, so long as we're here to protect you, little one."
"Physically… They can't hurt me physically…... But in the end…. I have long-lasting damage…" I sobbed, looking up at Bruce. "What if…... I never recover?"
"You will, little one." He moved my hair out of my eyes. "I'll make sure of it. Your brothers will make sure of it. You'll be alright."
"We don't know that…..."
Face it…. I'll never recover…. I can barely walk without falling over… I'm just a burden….
"Floyd?" A new voice caught my attention, looking over, Branch was at the entrance to my room. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah…. I'm fine, don't worry." I faked a smile; I knew he wasn't buying it.
Fine…. I use that word often…... And Branch always says—
"That's not an appropriate response and you know it."
My ears drooped more than usual at that response… I knew he was right.
"Hey," Branch sat next to me and Spruce, laying a gentle hand on my shoulder. "I just want to help you. That's why 'I'm fine' is not an appropriate response for your recovery." I flinched at the word recovery. That word seemed to follow me around a lot lately….
"He's right, Floyd… Tell us, how are you really doing?" Bruce piped in and I sighed, more tears falling down my face.
"I... I…... I'm… Not okay…..." I admitted quietly. "I'm…. I feel like…. I can't escape…. Like…. Ill never be truly free…"
"Hey…. Its okay…" Branch wiped the tears away from my eyes. "That's why we're here. To help you, big brother."
To…. To help me?... Why?
"Why… Why do you wanna help me?"
"Because we're your brothers and we love you." Bruce smiled kindly at me. "And we don't want you to suffer alone."
"…. You don't?"
"No. You don't deserve that, little one. Not at all." Bruce ran his fingers through my hair to soothe my nerves.
"Bruce is right. You're our brother and we love you. We'd do anything to help you."
"…. Thank you…" I sniffed, sobbing quietly into Bruce's chest.
They care…. They really do care…...
"Are you okay now?" Bruce asked, still running his fingers through my hair.
I nodded slowly. "Yeah… I'm okay… Thank you… Both of you."
"Hey, we got you, brother." Branch smiled. "Do you want your alone time?"
"Yeah… If you don't mind." I murmured.
"Hey, don't worry, little one," Bruce ruffled my hair. "just call us if you need anything, okay?"
"Okay…." With that, Bruce and Branch left, and I was alone…
I really am messed up mentally… God…. And physically, it hurts to even walk….
I sighed, sitting up slowly, my arms shaking.
Okay…. You got this….
Slowly, I managed to stand up, my legs wobbling, the pressure burning, causing me to wince in pain.
"Shit….." I whispered to myself.
Did those kids really fuck me up so bad that I can barely stand?
"Okay…. You can do this…." Shakily, I tried to take a few steps. My brothers had been supporting my weight so I can at least move around, but… I haven't been able to take steps by myself.
Before I knew what was happening, I tripped. I didn't fall, I caught myself on my dresser. Trembling, I looked up in the mirror, noticing my hair.
My…... My hair…. What... It…... It's white?
I covered my mouth, tears immediately pouring down my face, my heart starting to pound in my chest as I found myself struggling to breathe….
No… No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! my legs and arms were bad enough, but… My hair? Not my hair! Anything but my hair!
I suddenly couldn't breathe, I fell to the floor, covering my eyes and shaking.
"Your talent makes us sound beautiful! And we're famous now, so…. We could do this for years. Or until you die. Whichever one comes first."
"No, no, no, no…." HER voice rang inside my head. "Leave me alone…. Leave me alone…..."
"…yd? …re…. ay?" I heard someone…. But I didn't know who it was… "…yd?"
I shook, too scared to uncover my eyes or even move.
"M..n..ia?" A hand touched my shoulder, I jumped at the sudden contact, quickly scooching as fast as I could into a corner, then and there seeing that it was Clay. "Hey, hey… It's okay."
I breathed heavily, my anxiety taking full effect as I shook even more.
"Hey, it's okay, Magnolia..." Clay used his special nickname for me that he knew that I loved, slowly sitting down across from me. "Hey… Can you tell me 3 things you can see?"
3 things I can see….
I looked at Clay, still breathing heavily and shaking. "Y-You…"
"Okay. That's good. What else?"
I looked around the room, seeing the bulletin board that I put up, I had already started to take pictures of me and our brothers. "M-My…. My bulletin board…"
"Yeah… That's good. You've taken some good pictures so far." I cracked a slight smile at that. "One more thing."
I looked around once again, my eyes looking at my camera. It had been Dad's…. He gave it to me years ago. "Dad's old camera…"
"Good. You love that camera, don't you?" I nodded at the question. "Okay. Now, can you tell me 3 things you can feel?"
"….. The floor…..." I stated, obviously. "My…. My arms shaking…. A-And…. My…. My chest…."
"Good. Now, take in a breath and slowly let it out three times, okay?"
Still shaking, I nodded, taking a deep breath before letting it out slowly. That helped a little, so I did it two more times. I looked at Clay, a small smile on his face.
"You feel better?" I nodded slowly at the question. "Would you like a hug?"
"Y-Yes…. Please…." Clay moved closer, wrapping his arms around me as we hugged.
"There you go, little brother…." He rubbed my back gently. "You're okay…" I sobbed quietly into his chest, glad that the worst of my attack was over. "Do you want to tell me what happened?
"C-Clay…." I whispered, moving away slightly. "Why…... Why did nobody tell me about my hair?"
Clay's gaze softened… Not pity…. But compassion. "Oh, Magnolia…." He hugged me again, this time a little tighter. "I'm so sorry…. You have been through so much, we wanted you to get your legs in better shape so you could move around better before we got to the subject of your hair. We never meant to keep it from you, we just wanted to focus on bigger things."
They… Didn't tell me… Because they wanted to help me….
"I…. I saw myself in the mirror…. I tried to walk; I nearly fell…. I looked up a-and…" I traced my hand over the white of my hair. "I saw it…. I…." More tears filled my eyes as I sobbed. "I hate it!"
"Shhh…." Clay brought me close again, running his tail down my back to calm me down. "I know, little brother… I know…"
"I don't understand! What did I do? W-Why did they want to hurt me?!" I sobbed into Clay's chest, him holding me close.
"I don't know… I don't know, little brother, but hey…" He gently has me look at him. "You have us… And you're safe now. That's all that matters, right?"
"… I could've died there…." I whispered quietly. "And… For awhile….. I…. I think I wanted to…."
He didn't respond right away this time….
Fuck….
"Floyd… You…. You don't mean that, do you?" I looked up at him, he had tears in his own eyes, causing me to cry more.
"I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you sad…" I sobbed, Clay immediately holding me tighter, rubbing the back of my head.
"Shhh, shhh… Its okay…. It's alright, I got you… I got you, little brother…" He shushed me quietly. "Hey… Is it okay if I sing to you?"
I nodded at his question. My brothers singing to me… Always brought me this sense of relief… Like I was safe. And nobody could hurt me.
"When we were young, we were the ones,
the kings and queens oh yeah, we ruled the world.
We smoked cigarettes, man, no regrets.
Wish I could relive every single word.
We've taken different paths,
and travelled different roads.
I know we'll always end up on the same one when we're old,
and when you're in the trenches.
And you're under fire I will cover you…
If I was dying on my knees,
you would be the one to rescue me.
And if you were drowned at sea,
I'd give you my lungs so you could breathe.
I've got you brother-er-er-er
I've got you brother-er-er-er
I've got you brother-er-er-er
I've got you brother-er-er-er"
Calming down more, I leaned into Clay, laying on his shoulder and closing my eyes as he kept singing.
"Oh brother, we'll go deeper than the ink,
Beneath the skin of our tattoos.
I love we share the same blood,
You're my brother and I love you, that's the truth.
We're living different lives,
Heaven only knows.
If we'll make it back with all our fingers and our toes.
Five years, twenty years, come back.
It will always be the same.
If I was dying on my knees,
you would be the one to rescue me.
And if you were drowned at sea,
I'd give you my lungs so you could breathe.
I've got you brother-er-er-er
I've got you brother-er-er-er"
I felt myself being moved, Clay having picked me up and laying me in my bed, gently tucking me in.
"And if we hit on troubled water,
I'll be the one to keep you warm and safe.
And we'll be carrying each other,
until we say goodbye on our dying day.
Because I've got you brother-er-er-er
I've got you brother-er-er-er
I've got you brother-er-er-er
I've got you brother-er-er-er
If I was dying on my knees,
you would be the one to rescue me.
And if you were drowned at sea,
I'd give you my lungs so you could breathe.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh…
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh…
I've got you brother-er-er-er
I've got you brother-er-er-er…."
"Clay…." I whispered, my eyes slowly starting to droop from sleepiness.
"Shhh…" He shushed me, kissing my forehead, just like he would do when I was little. "Rest now, little Magnolia. You need your rest."
"Okay…." I yawned, watching as Clay stayed beside me. "Clay?"
"Hmm?"
"Will…... Will I ever walk again?"
Silence. He looked over at me, a sad smile on his face.
"I don't know, but…. We'll figure something out, okay? For now, you need rest. Go to sleep, okay?"
"Okay…..." I whispered, small tears in my eyes as I yawned. "I love you, Clay…"
"I love you too, little brother. Now go to sleep."
I felt Clay running his fingers through my hair to my forehead and his tail running on my shoulders, before I ended up falling asleep.