"Good morning, beautiful." I groaned softly, feeling Viva kiss my forehead. "Come on, we gotta go."
"Go where?" I mumbled, still half-asleep.
"To the golf course, silly!" Viva gigged. "We have to get everyone ready for the big move, right?"
Big move… Right, moving the Putt-Putt Trolls to Pop Village.
I yawned, stretching my arms out.
"Come on, sleepy!" Viva ruffled my hair. "Time to get ready to leave! Let's fix your hair up, because…. Wow." I gave her a look.
"I thought we've agreed not to tease about my hair." I spoke matter of fact.
"I know." She giggled. "But you, my love, have a serious case of bedhead." She then, gently, grabbed me, and started to kiss all over my face.
"Viva!" I laughed, trying to gently push her off. "Viva, stop! It tickles!"
"I'll only stop if you get up!" She teased, starting to tickle my stomach, causing me to yelp in surprise.
"Viva! Viva, no!" I laughed, her holding my feet down to prevent me from kicking.
Curse her and her uncanny strength.
"Viva, yes!" She laughed, continuing to kiss and tickle me. "Remember, this'll only stop if you get up!"
"Okay, okay! I'm up!" She stopped, I sat up, giving her an annoyed look. "You're cruel."
"Yeah, but you love me." Viva giggled, kissing my cheek. "Now get up! We leave in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!"
"Alright!" I sighed, getting out of bed, freezing when I saw my hair in Viva's mirror.
Yikes.
"I told you that you had serious bedhead!" Viva giggled.
"Wow…" I mumbled, running my fingers through my very ratty hair. "I look like I went through a whirlwind."
"You can say that again." Viva giggles, handing me a hairbrush. "I think you could use this."
"Thanks." I smiled slightly, starting to brush my hair.
"While you're getting all dolled up," Viva smiled. "I'll pack us snacks!" She left before I could respond.
That's my Viva.
I shook my head, brushing my hair out until it was somewhat decent, putting the hair cream in my hair, ignoring the sting that came with it as I got dressed, putting on an oversized sweatshirt and shorts, figuring it would be best to dress casually.
Before I could do anything else, I heard a honking from outside.
"What in the—" I opened the window shade, seeing John Dory outside with Rhonda. "What the hell?" I grumbled in anger, leaving the room and going outside.
"Yo! Clayyyyy! You ready to get your buddies back from The Hole N' Fun?" I glared at JD, not exactly happy with him.
"Dude, you're overdoing it!" Bruce smacked him upside the head. "But he has a point…. You ready to go tell them that it's safe here?"
"Alright!" Viva smiled, wrapping her arm around me. "We got a ride!"
"John, what are you doing?" I asked, arms crossed.
"Helping my baby brother out, that's what!" He smiled, flashing his signature John Dory grin. "It's time to have some fun!"
"Nothing about this is fun." I explicitly made sure he knew. "This is a work trip. We're planning to make sure everyone is on board with this."
"The ride up will be fun." I saw Floyd at the entrance to Rhonda. "I got some songs planned." I looked at John, surprised.
"You're letting him go?"
"I may…. Have been a little irrational." John admitted, I raised an eyebrow.
"May have?"
"Okay, okay, I was… I know I still have a lot to make up for, and you're not exactly happy with me either… I'm sorry, okay?" I sighed, genuinely believing his apology.
"Okay…" I nodded at him.
"Good. Now that we got that outta the way, let's boogie my man!" I shook my head at his enthusiasm, taking Viva's hand as we got into Rhonda.
"Where's Branch?" I asked.
"Late." Bruce smiled. "Had to get some 'essentials' as he put it.
"I'm here!"
Speak of the devil.
Branch had a large backpack, setting it down on the ground.
"What the hell is that?" Floyd asked, confused.
"Its everything in case something goes wrong."
"We're on a bus, Branch." I put it bluntly. "A bus that'll fuck you up in a matter of seconds."
"Language! And she can hear you!" JD scolded me.
"I am fucking 30 years old, don't tell me language." I scoffed, rolling my eyes.
"Alright, alright, let's get this show on the road!" Viva exclaimed happily. "Who's driving?"
"You can start us off, Veevs." JD told her, I looked at him in confusion.
"Yes!" She exclaimed happily, running towards the front.
"So she can drive and I can't?" I asked him.
"You have no sense of direction and would crash this bus in a matter of seconds. I don't trust you behind the wheel." I crossed my arms, mad at the answer. "But, there's another reason I told her to drive."
"Why?" I asked, eyebrow raised.
"What you said the other day…." Bruce sat down across from me. "During the fight."
Oh.
Oh….
That.
"Did you really try to kill yourself?" Branch finally spoke up, breaking the uncomfortable silence. I looked down, not wanting to look at any of them.
"Clay, look at me." I didn't for a few long moments, but slowly looked over at JD. "It's okay. I just want to make sure you're okay now."
"I'm fine… I was 16, I was depressed… But Viva helped me." I sighed. "I don't like to talk about it… My mid to late teens wasn't an easy time for me, and it…. It was hard…"
"Would you like to talk about it?" Floyd asked, voice ever so calm as usual.
"No…" I fidgeted with my hands. "Not really…"
That would mean mentioning Ash… And I am NOT ready for that conversation. At least not yet.
"Are you sure?" JD questioned, looking directly at me. "'Cuz we're here to listen."
"John." Bruce looked at him in warning before looking at me, with more compassion. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. Or if you're not ready to. When you're ready, or if you are at all, we're here for you."
I nodded at him showing that I appreciated it.
"Don't worry… I'm here for you, babydoll…."
No, no, no!
Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it!
"Bub?" Bruce tapped the couch to get my attention. "You alright?"
I nodded slowly, trying to get him out of my thoughts.
"Are you sure?" Floyd asked, full of concern. "You're clenching your firsts."
I looked down, seeing that my fists were tightly clenched. I released them, taking a slow breath in and letting it out.
"I'm okay…. No worries." I spoke softly, fidgeting with my hands again.
"Okay…" Branch gave me a gentle smile. "We're here if you need us. Okay?"
I nodded slowly. "Okay." I spoke softly.
You're not with him.
You're not with him.
You're not with him.
You're not with him.
You're.
Not.
With.
Him.
YOU'RE.
NOT.
WITH.
HIM.
YOU'RE NOT WITH HIM.
"Clay, breathe." I shook, breathing heavily, seeing Floyd in front of me. "Bear with me. I'm going to hold your hands, okay?" I realized then I was pulling my hair, Floyd gently took my hands in his, setting them in my lap. "There you go… Just breathe. In… And out…. Can you tell me 3 things that you can see?"
I looked around the bus slowly, trying to concentrate.
"J-J… John's scrapbooks…. B-Branch's clue board…" John had apparently never taken that down. I looked around to the front of the bus. "V-Viva…"
"Good. How about 3 things you can feel?"
"Y-You're hands…" He squeezed my hands gently. "The… The couch cushion… A-And…. The carpet…"
"There you go… Now deep breath, in and out, okay?" I obeyed, slowly taking a deep breath in and out slowly. "There you go…" I let go of Floyd's hands, the touch finally getting to me. "You okay?" I nodded, running my fingers through my hair.
"Sorry…. I don't know what happened…" I spoke softly, looking down.
"Never apologize for your mental well-being." Branch explicitly told me. "Shit happens. We all know that. You should never have to apologize for something that happens to you."
Something that happens to me… Like Ash?... For what he did? Fuck… How do I even begin to explain that?... What he did to me is…. Unexplainable.
"Clay…" John was sitting next to me… How did that happen? "I think I speak for everyone when I say that we're now more concerned about you…. Are you sure there's nothing you want to talk about?"
"Yeah…." I spoke quietly. "There's nothing that I want to talk about."
I don't want to talk about it… It's the last thing that I want to talk about.
"You're sure?"
"John." Bruce shot him another look. "Drop it, okay?"
"We're here if you ever need us. Either all of us, or just one of us… We're here." I nodded, shooting Floyd a grateful look.
God, I hate getting so overwhelmed like this…. I hate it so fucking much.
"Come on," John smiles. "I know something that'll cheer you up." He nodded at Bruce.
"Don't let no small frustration ever bring you down." Bruce started to sing, I looked at him, confused.
"No, no, no, no." JD and Branch backed him up.
"Just take a situation and turn it all around!" Floyd sang as Bruce spun Branch around by surprise. Floyd encouraged me to join in.
"With a new attitude everything can change" I smiled as my brothers started to dance around. "Make it how you want it to be. Stay mad, why do that? Give yourself a break. Laugh about it and you'll see!"
"Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock! Life's what you make it! So come on, come on, come on, everybody now!" I laughed as we all started to dance with one another.
"There's that smile we know and love!" Bruce stopped, giving me a matching smile.
"I've missed that smile!" JD shared Bruce's enthusiasm.
They're right… I don't smile a lot… Only really around Viva. She's my safe person, I feel safe around her.
"We're about ten minutes out, boys!" Viva called out after awhile. "JD, wanna take the wheel?"
John went up to the driver's seat, taking the wheel. Viva ran over, wrapping her arm around me.
"So?" She smiled. "You excited?" I nodded.
"Yeah…. I am. Excited to get everyone to Pop Village… Where we can all be together."
"Me too." She kissed my cheek. "We're going to be safe, happy and in a place where we can live our lives without worry…. It's perfect."
Perfect.
Perfect had always been a word I hated hearing. It was our hit song. It was what John Dory always forced me to be.
I hated being perfect. I just wanted to be me… Just Clay. Not fun-boy Clay. Not serious-boy Clay.
Just Clay.
"Do you guys' smell that?" Branch asked, sniffing the air.
"It wasn't me!" John argued from the front.
"No! Not that…"
I opened the window, sniffing the air.
"It…. Smells like smoke…"
"Could someone be grilling out?" Bruce asked.
"Not out here…" Viva commented. "Nobody's out here but us."
"What is it then?" Floyd asked, eyebrow raised.
"Uh, Clay, Viva… You're going to want to get up here. Now."
Viva and I quickly ran up front, our eyes widening in horror, immediately knowing what that smell was. Someone wasn't grilling out. It was fire.
The Hole N' Fun was on fire.