James stared at the door expectantly, wondering why the MRI had been going on for half an hour. He was calmer than he had been before the X-ray, but he still couldn't find a place to sit. Attempts to read a book or, eventually, scroll through his Facebook feed, were unsuccessful: lack of concentration.
"You're looking at that door like it's Griffin," Kendall said with a smile as he walked out with the medical records. James didn't respond to the joke, either from the mention of someone he didn't like or from the overwhelming desire to hear the outcome.
"You should see yourself. You look so pale," Kendall continued with the same attitude and patted him on the shoulder. "No problems other than a slight concussion."
"Whew, that's great. But the doctor still said you need to stay on bed rest, so don't just stand there. We're going left," James said, coming to his senses and heading for the room he'd already paid for. "How are you doing now?"
"Oh my gosh, that's the third time you've asked that today," Kendall said indignantly, rolling his eyes.
"I didn't even notice. I'm sorry."
"Look, I'm fine. I'm a little dizzy, but that's okay. Please, can we just forget about what happened and just have a good time?"
"Yeah, no problem." James nodded and pretended to calm down. "I was thinking, since we can't hang out on the computer, we could play Truth or Dare."
"The last time I played with Logan and Carlos, we almost got in a fight."
"Come on, I don't hit people when they're lying down." James smiled, fixing his hair playfully. "You're afraid, aren't you? Do you have something to hide?"
"Are you trying to pull a fast one on me or something?" Kendall picked up on the competitive spirit. "If there's nothing to do, go ahead. But if you lie to me, I'll make up a punishment you'll remember for the rest of your life!"
"Uh-oh, I'm so afraid," James said with irony in his voice, smiling broadly. It seemed that even the hospital setting couldn't ruin the day.
"Were you born with teeth that white and straight?" Kendall must have been embarrassed, because he looked away almost immediately. But James wasn't. As a womanizer, he often talked to girls that way, so he took the question as a hopeful flirtation.
"I haven't even had a chance to choose the truth yet, and you're already asking. Fine! Ever since I was a kid, my mom saw me as a model. Of course, there was nothing wrong with me, but you could see the potential. Parents with tall, thick hair were a bingo in the genetic lottery. That's why from the age of five the appearance was paid extra attention to. My teeth weren't bad, but my mom still took me to all kinds of procedures. Preventive cleanings, then braces, art restoration..."
"You must've been tired of all that, huh?" Kendall asked with undisguised interest.
"No, on the contrary, I'm very grateful to my mom. She took me to the gym and taught me how to style my hair. Of course, sometimes I didn't want to do those things, but I'm good-looking now," James said without false modesty.
"Arrogant," Kendall added. But his tone didn't have the usual irritation that he'd felt in the past when James had been narcissistic about himself. He seemed to be thinking seriously about something.
"Okay, I hope you're satisfied with my answer. While you're choosing truth or dare, let me cheer us up." James looked around and pulled two bottles of Bud Light out of his bag.
"Are you sure I'm allowed?"
"I did a lot of googling, but it's like light beer can't hurt. Are you—?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine!" Kendall interrupted and defiantly took the first sip. "I'll take the truth."
"Good." James nodded and took a small drink of the cool beverage as well. "Do you miss Jo?"
"That was fast. Did you prepare the questions in advance?" Kendall asked in surprise and drew his eyebrows together suspiciously. James was afraid that Kendall had thought the question was too personal and would refuse to answer, but surprisingly he continued. "It's a moot point. I couldn't really accept it at first. But after a month, two months, I realized I wouldn't last another three years. What if the contract had been renewed for another term? What if Jo got herself a new boyfriend and moved to New Zealand for good?
"No, memories of her are nothing more than pleasant nostalgia. I let her go a long time ago."
Though James expressed sympathy, secretly he realized that was what he wanted to hear. For now he knew for sure: the heart of the man he loved was free.
"I'm going to get a job," Carlos said from the living room. "I've already found some good ones."
"Better than a career in Big Time Rush?" Logan asked with an obvious sneer in his voice.
"Come on, forget about the past. In fact, come with me if you're so smart."
"I have an important call to make, remember?"
"Yes, I remember," Carlos admitted desperately and looked at the calendar. "It's been days, and we still haven't decided to tell the truth. Okay I would help, but you're so eloquent."
"And hesitant."
Carlos looked at Logan and mentally recognized that he was indeed afraid of something. As a man of science, he always doubted something unless he could make an ironclad argument, but now he looked too confused even for his temperament.
"What is it that worries you?" Carlos asked bluntly but gently.
"Don't you have a clue yourself? We'll be torn to pieces and thrown out the door after this! Especially me. My family wanted a doctor, not an unemployed musician. Oh, yeah, or waiter, janitor, whatever job you got for me?"
"Logie, you're just worrying about nothing. Your parents are very understanding. They've never pressured you, and they never will. And about waiters and janitors, I'll tell you what: to earn a penny in a legal job, whatever job that may be, should make you proud!"
"Yeah, but—"
"You don't have to give up your medical career, but while our accounts are frozen, you have to think about the present. Get over your fears and take this goddamn phone," Carlos finished and gave the stunned Logan the device, then headed for the door.
"Wait!"
Carlos looked questioningly at his companion, and then he stepped closer to him.
"For a while, I thought you were naive, and sometimes even called you an eternal child. I didn't understand your interests and dreams. But now I can say with certainty that you are a real man, perhaps even with the most realistic outlook out of all of us. I'm grateful fate gave me such a friend." At the last words, Logan hugged Carlos with only one arm, but tightly enough to express the sincerity of his thoughts.
"Logan, I'm grateful too. Immensely!" Carlos replied emotionally, not even trying to hold back a wide smile. "It's going to be okay, I promise. I don't want to be late, so I have to go. Stay in touch!"
Logan's inner emptiness was filled for a moment with a heartwarming warmth. He admitted to himself honestly that he was still dreading the call, but he decided to press the call button. Maybe he could admit his precarious position without fear of judgment.
"Mrs. Knight?"
"God, Logan, I was so worried. I mean, I'm used to you not calling for weeks at a time when you're on tour, but Kendall wouldn't even return messages."
"We can be like that." He grinned nervously. "I'm sorry. We're fine."
"Hang on, sweetie," Jennifer said, before pulling the phone back a little. Still, Logan was able to make out some of the words that were being said in the background. "Yes, Brooke, the boys have gotten in contact... I'm shocked myself... Don't be silly, no need to go to Los Angeles. This is the first time we've been able to take a proper vacation! When else will the four of us be able to get out of the country without the distractions of work and housework... What a sixth sense, honey, it's the motherly concern in you. We'll spend three weeks with no outside thoughts, and then you'll be sure to visit James, yes, and I'll visit Kendall."
Suddenly, the voice sounds clearer: "Logan, Mrs. Diamond wants to talk to James. Can you get him?"
All the speech Logan had prepared evaporated in a flash.
"Uh. I'm sorry, I'm alone right now. We're on break. I'll be sure to tell James what you asked for at rehearsal."
"Okay, sweetie. If you're doing a concert in Canada, please dress warmly. And call me more often. Especially James. His mom really wants to hear from him. I did, Brooke, he won't forget... That's it. Bye!"
After Jennifer hung up the phone, Logan felt incredibly angry: at himself, at yet another understatement, and at the lies that were forming a bigger clump of problems each time. But it was simply impossible to confess at a time like this.
What would he say to the group now? "I said we're on tour. A fictional tour that I made up on the fly as an excuse." That's great. With no alternatives, Logan went to the kitchen and decided to please the guys with at least a meal, hoping it would at least elevate him a little in their eyes. He wanted to make a full meal with a side dish, salad, and dessert, but there wasn't much food left, so he had to make do with rice and nuggets from defrost.
Normally cooking was relaxing, but this time it was like Logan was floating in a fog, once almost cutting himself, another time almost burning himself on the hot skillet. Eventually, he managed it and left the kitchen sluggishly. Things were not going the way he wanted them to. By his own actions, Logan was driving himself deep into a bottomless pit. Was he really that pathetic? Finally, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed a number again, but to a different caller. The simultaneous fear and longing for this conversation drove him crazy, especially when the ringing tone dragged on interminably. His heart pounded faster and faster. He could only hope she understood.