So, I think we're about halfway through this story. Because a couple of people asked me: Yes, I'm continuing and finishing this story. So no worries, please :)
Enjoy chapter eleven!
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Both of them were equally relieved when reaching ten weeks of pregnancy really seemed to mark the spot from which the symptoms would get a little more manageable for Kate. For Kate, it obviously felt like a salvation, finally not being tired or nauseous all the time anymore. And for Castle, it felt like a weight had dropped off his shoulders when she slowly turned back into herself, and he could witness some of her energy returning to her body.
None of the symptoms vanished completely, and some days still were worse than others, but over the course of the next two weeks, it progressively got better. And shortly before the twelve-week mark - Kate couldn't wait to pass - she thought that if the symptoms stayed like this for the rest of the pregnancy, she could handle it. The dizziness remained, and maybe the circulation problems got a little worse, but they held nothing against the gut-wrenching nausea and couldn't really bother her.
With the nausea slowly subsiding, Kate carefully started to eat again and strayed away from the few foods that had been safe for her troubled stomach over the last couple of weeks. Apart from the fact that she didn't seem entirely exhausted for the whole day any more, that was the most convincing proof for Castle that she was getting better.
And he stuck to his conviction that it was his job to provide her with everything she wanted and needed. It put a smile on his face every time he watched her eat one of the meals he prepared, and slowly but surely, he found himself turning into a very decent cook who didn't only pay attention to taste but also nutrients.
It reminded him of the time when Alexis had been little, and he first had to really think about how to eat healthy and how to get a kid to do that, too. But since Alexis had been the easiest kid in almost every perspective and had started to take care of herself more or less over the years, he had let that matter slide a little.
But now he was back at the same point as twenty years ago, and it amused him that even with a twenty-year age difference between them, his kids were the ones who made him grow up, at least in some ways. In other ways, he couldn't wait to be turned back into a child himself, like he knew only a kid could.
He missed those days with Alexis, when she had been little and their lives had been filled with play and magic. Of course, they were still close, and the ways life had changed over the years weren't bad. Having a grown-up kid – even one he worried about a little at the moment because she seemed not as happy as she tried to make him believe she was – was great. But he was excited to get another chance to be the father of another little one.
He was torn out of his thoughts about the baby he couldn't wait to meet and the daughter who lived on the other side of the city in a shady apartment and, for some reason, refused to come back home by Kate's steps as she walked into the living room.
Looking up at her, he saw her smiling face, and a couple of times in the last few days, he realized again how much better she looked. Her cheeks didn't seem sunken in anymore, and her eyes had regained the spark he loved so much. She looked happier and healthier with every passing day.
"Back in the kitchen again?" She said, approaching him and walking around the counter. "I know you won't listen, but I'll tell you again: You don't have to make such an effort. I can eat whatever we have around. And actually, I would kill for some Chinese takeout."
He chuckled at her longing sigh. "Well, then, you are lucky that I didn't start making anything yet."
She grinned in response, and he put back the tray he had just pulled out of the shelf to chop a few vegetables. His gaze followed Kate as she walked over to the shelf in the living room where they kept the leaflets of their favorite takeout restaurants, and she decisively pulled out the one he already knew she would take.
With a smile on his lips, he walked over to her and took the leaflet from her hand. "Don't pretend you haven't already decided what you want to eat. For as long as I've known you, you've always ordered the same dish."
She smirked back at him and snatched the leaflet back from his hand. "Yeah, but things may have changed now," she said, and he arched his brow at her as she opened the leaflet and quickly pinned her finger to a dish that surprised him.
"Are you sure? You can't even eat spicy chicken wings. That one may be way out of your league."
She shrugged her shoulders and smiled. "Seems like I am not the one deciding what to eat tonight."
He returned her smile as he saw her lifting her hand and bringing it to her stomach. He took the leaflet from her hands and placed it back on the shelf, stepping behind her, putting his arms around her body, and placing his hands over hers on her belly.
"Twelve weeks today." He mumbled into her ear.
He knew that her excellent mood all day had probably been highly influenced by the fact that she had finally reached that mark she had waited for for months. And even though he didn't grant this mark as much meaning as she did, he had to admit he felt a bit relieved as well. But even more, he felt hopeful that she could finally relax and allow herself to be genuinely excited.
"Yeah," she replied, and her smile beamed from her voice. "I can't wait for the appointment on Monday." She added, knowing it was silly, but for some reason, she felt like if everything would be fine on Monday, she could finally believe all would go well. Even though a feeling deep in her guts already told her the baby was fine, she couldn't quite let it convince her yet.
"Me neither," Castle whispered into her ear and slowly pushed one of his hands under hers to feel the slightest hint of the little bump that had started to form under her belly button over the last week.
He stroked his thumb over the small bulge he adored so much and couldn't wait to see grow. He had no doubt it would, and in a couple of months, he could run his hands over her round belly, only to hold their little newborn in them a little while later.
"Try not to worry too much, okay?"
He felt her shaking her head as she whispered, "Right now, I'm not worried."
Smiling into her hair, he whispered back, "That's wonderful." He pressed a quick kiss to her neck. "What do you say, should we order now?"
"We could." She said slowly. "Or we do something else first."
He felt her removing her hand from her belly to bring it to the button of her jeans that was closed a little tighter now, reminding her that she probably would have to go shopping soon. The thought made her smile as she undid the button and felt him pull her closer to his body.
"Oh, that sounds like a good idea." He hummed into her ear and tugged her shirt from her pants until he could touch her skin and run his hands up her torso. A sigh escaped his lips. He had gotten to touch her far too little in the last weeks.
His hands started to move faster, pushing her shirt up until she lifted her arms to let him take it off. Just when he wanted to lift it up and over her head, Kate jerked away from him with a long stride, leaving him cold and confused.
It took him a second to register the sound of keys in the door that had made Kate jump away. He rolled his eyes while clearing his throat and forcing his thoughts away from the feeling of her body under his hands.
As much as he appreciated his mother's presence at the loft, sometimes he damned it. As the door opened and Martha's red-haired head appeared in the doorframe, he was sure right now was one of those times.
He had just managed to regain his composure, but Kate had already closed her jeans again and tucked her shirt back in. With a frustrated frown, he took in her view from a couple of steps away for a moment longer. He really hoped they would get a chance to get back to what they had just been about to do later that night.
"Hey, kids." He heard his mother's voice, straightened his face, and turned towards her.
"Hey, Martha. We were just about to order some Chinese. You want something, too?" Kate asked and Castle was impressed at how nonchalant her voice sounded.
Looking at his mother, he saw her slightly shaking her head. "No, thanks. I already had dinner." Martha walked into the loft, shaking off her coat and hanging it in the closet. "I spontaneously met with Alexis."
Immediately, Castle's attention was drawn to his mother. Since Alexis had told them that she and Pi weren't a thing anymore and a few days later informed them that he had moved out, he was eager for every bit of information he could get about his daughter. She was quite reluctant to share how she was doing, and he felt deep in his guts that she wasn't doing well.
"Really? What did she say?" He asked, looking at his mother with wide eyes, but she just slightly shrugged her shoulders.
"Nothing much, really. Even if she felt the desire to talk, she didn't say much." Martha walked over to the couch and let herself slump on it with a sigh. "But she didn't need to; it was written all over her face that she was feeling miserable."
Castle felt his heart sink as he walked over to his mother and sat on the couch beside her.
Castle slowly shook his head, a deep frown on his face. "I just don't understand why she's not coming home."
"Oh, Richard," Martha sighed. "She's just too proud to admit that her great big plan failed. Don't act like you don't know that."
Castle just shook his head more. "But it's never been that way between us. And what does she fear, that I'll be disappointed by her in any way?"
"I think she's just disappointed with herself." Kate stepped in, and Martha agreed with a slow nod. Kate walked around the couch Castle was sitting on and gently placed her hands on his shoulders. "We all know what it's like to be young and have to realize that life and love don't always work out like we imagined. And that there's nothing we can do about it most of the time."
Martha nodded again and leaned back into the cushions. "And the last person we would want to admit it to are our parents. Especially when they told us beforehand that it wouldn't work out. As much as you like to be her funny Dad, Richard, in this case, you are her father who will tell her, 'I told you so'".
Castle's brows shot up as he shook his head. "I wouldn't!"
Kate chuckled quietly and walked around the couch to sit down beside him. "You might not say it, Castle, but she'll be able to read it on your face every time she looks at you."
Martha leaned forward to softly pat her son's knee. "And that isn't your fault, darling. That's kind of your job. Even if you don't like it, sometimes being a parent isn't about being liked by your child."
Castle only let out a small grumble, and Martha laughed as she looked between Kate and Castle. "And you are in for a second round." Martha smiled at the not-so-amused faces on the couch beside her.
"Oh, don't worry too much," she said as she got up. "Things with Alexis will clear up soon. But she has to make her own mistakes and experiences. And I am sure she knows that as soon as she's willing to admit it to herself and you, she'll be standing at our door—probably sooner than later."
Martha walked away and up the stairs to her room. Castle remained quiet and stared into the air of the living room, his forehead still covered in a worried frown. Kate realized it wouldn't make sense to try to retrieve the mood they had been in when Martha had interrupted them; Castle was clearly too caught up in his thoughts.
As Kate felt her stomach roaring, she covered it with her hand and wasn't sure if she felt like smiling or if she was scared of all the things that lay ahead of them. Another grumble interrupted her thoughts, and she decided it would be best to solve her empty stomach problem first.
She got up, picked up the leaflet from the shelf again, and handed it to Castle. He forced himself to smile and carelessly picked something from the menu, his gaze still absentminded. Kate didn't envy him. She was sure Martha was right, and everything would fall into place again.
But she knew Castle and his worry about his daughter and also the baby they were expecting now. And she couldn't help but love how much he cared about his family. Even if she didn't like seeing him feeling the way he was now.
The food arrived not much later, and while Kate couldn't wait to open the cardboard box with her spicy food, Castle seemed to have lost his appetite. He poked around in his food, and the only thing that really made him smile was when Kate had finished her food while he had barely touched his, and her eyes longingly wandered over to his box.
Without hesitation, he pushed his food over to her, a smirk on his lips.
"You don't mind?" Kate asked and bit her bottom lip, hesitating even though she could hardly hide how much she wanted to eat his portion, too.
"Not one bit. I'm not hungry, and you're eating for two." He smirked, pushing the container further to her side of the table, and finally, she took it and dove her chopsticks into the box of fried rice.
For the first time that evening, Kate saw a smile spreading over his lips that really reached his eyes. She smiled back at him, her mouth full of food, and lowered her gaze, feeling a little embarrassed by the huge amount of takeout she had eaten that evening.
"I am so happy you are finally feeling better," Castle said, reaching out to graze his fingers over the back of her hand.
Kate swallowed and chuckled as she let go of the container in her hand and played her fingers against Castle's. "Believe me, I'm happy too." She tapped one finger against the cardboard. "Craving spicy Chinese food is way more comfortable than feeling nauseous all the time."
A sly smirk played over Castle's lips. "If you keep that going, you might gain some weight."
Kate tilted her head but returned his smile. "Very funny." She sighed and leaned back against her chair, folding her hands over the little bump on her belly that was always much more evident in the evening, especially after a meal like this. "I think that might be inevitable."
Castle leaned over the corner of the table and placed one hand over hers. "I can't wait to see it," he said quietly, his eyes directed to her belly and a soft smile on his lips.
Kate snorted and tenderly stroked one hand over the bulge on her belly. "Let's wait a couple more months and see if you still think the same way."
"I promise you, I will." He smiled and got up from his chair to lean down to kiss her.
Kate returned the kiss and reached up to palm his cheek. After a few moments, he pulled away again and took her hand into his, pulling her up from her chair. Putting an arm around her waist, he pulled her close against his chest and quickly found her lips again.
"I love you." He whispered against her lips and felt her smile when she kissed him again.
"I love you too." She hushed back. Bringing her hands to his cheeks, she leaned back to look at him. Taking in his face, she could still see the traces of worry and a few nights with little sleep on his face. She knew the thoughts about Alexis had kept him awake more than once.
She gently stroked her thumbs over his cheekbones and gave him a soft smile. "Castle, I'm sure your mother is right. Alexis will be fine. She's smart and strong; she'll make her way. And you're doing everything you can, so don't blame yourself. But she's growing up and needs to make some mistakes on her own. That doesn't mean the world is ending."
Castle sighed and folded his hands over the small of her back. "I know." He said quietly. The frown she had seen so often in the last couple of weeks spread over his face again. "I just want her to be happy. It makes me sad that I'm not the one she's talking to about everything anymore."
Kate opened her mouth to reply, but Castle quickly kept talking. "I know, I know. It's normal. But still, it makes me sad. I miss my little girl, and I hate knowing she's struggling alone in that shady apartment when she could just come home."
Kate smiled again. "Maybe you just need to give her a little more time. I'm sure she'll come back at some point. Even if she's not moving in again, she'll come back to talking to you."
Castle nodded slowly, his gaze a little absentminded as he got lost in his thoughts again. "You're probably right." He looked back into her eyes. "And would that be okay for you? If she moved back in?"
Kate nodded before even having to think about it. "Of course. Why shouldn't it?"
Shrugging his shoulders, Castle brought one hand to her front and stroked it over her belly. "I don't know. Maybe because you would want your own family to live alone." His voice sounded a little sad, and Kate couldn't suppress a chuckle.
"In case you haven't noticed, Castle: Your mother is also living with us and I have no desire to tell her to move out. And if Alexis wants to move back home, I'll be just as happy to have her here." She leaned in for a quick but soft kiss. "I learned years ago that I can't have you without your family. And I wouldn't have it any other way."
Smiling slightly, he pulled her in and hugged her against his body, his palm still caressing her little bump. "You two are my family just as much. And I want you to be happy." He whispered into her hair.
Kate let him hold her close for a couple more seconds, then leaned back again to look at him, hoping she could make him believe what she said. "I am happy, Rick. And I am happy to be a part of this family. And I don't mind any of them being around, just as much as they don't mind that I'm around, and we are adding someone new as well." She searched for his hand and squeezed it. "You don't have to worry about all of our happiness. Rather take care of your own by stopping to worry so much."
Castle sighed again. "You're probably right." He hesitated for a second. "Maybe I should try to talk to Alexis again."
Kate gave him a warning glance and Castle sighed heavily once more. "No, you're right. I need to give her time. It's just so much easier said than done."
Kate's expression turned compassionate again. "I know. But I'm convinced everything will turn out fine."
Castle nodded with firmer growing movement as if to convince himself she was right. Then he looked down at her and stroked over her belly again.
"Yeah, you're right." He looked up at her and smiled. "And tomorrow, we'll see that this little peanut is perfectly fine, too."
Kate smiled a little insecurely. "I hope you're right," she said quietly, and now Castle chuckled.
"Hey, if I'm not allowed to worry, you aren't either." He pulled her closer again, and Kate grinned.
"I'm not worried. Just a little anxious and excited."
Castle nodded in response and hugged her close to him. "Me too." He said quietly. "But I am sure everything is fine. And can't wait to see him or her again. A grin spread over his lips as he looked at Kate again. "Do you think she'll already be able to tell us if it's a boy or girl?"
Kate laughed and shook her head. "I'm not an expert, but I don't think so. Do you care what it is?"
Castle shook his head. "Not one bit. I just think we should know so we can decide if we should set up a Star Wars-themed nursery or if I'll get to get out the pink and the horses and fairies again."
Rolling her eyes, Kate said, "That's pretty cliché, don't you think? And I can already tell you, none of that is going to happen. Maybe we should just let it be a surprise."
Castle's brows wrinkled. "You don't like surprises."
Shrugging her shoulders, Kate replied, "But you do. And I don't care if it's a boy or girl."
With a smirk, Castle said, "I like surprises, not torturing myself because I'm dying out of curiosity. I think we should find out what it is."
Laughing, Kate nodded. "Fine. But I still think you'll have to wait a little longer."
"That's okay." Castle smiled. "I'm just looking forward to seeing how much our baby has grown."
"Me too," Kate replied with a smile and tried her best not to let her fear that maybe it didn't grow like it should flame up again. Everything would be fine, she reminded herself again. And then she would hopefully be ready to let a few of her fears go. Even if she could see by the example of Castle and Alexis that it would probably just be replaced by new ones. And probably it would go on like that for the rest of her life, she realized with a little sigh. But like so often in the last few weeks, she remembered Martha's words: She wouldn't allow her fears to consume her.