Happiness, joy, love, excitement, and thrill are all the emotions I felt these past few weeks...that was before I came back to Mystic Falls. Life was actually good. I should have known it would have gone to shit the minute I came back. Somehow, wherever my family is, we attract trouble.

But this time, was not our fault.

When I came back here, all I felt was fear, anger, sadness, and most importantly; heartbreak.

Never in a million years did I ever believe Kol would die. I knew how incredibly reckless he was, but I knew as long as I was by his side, everything would be fine.

Should of known I could not protect him forever. Should of known that my life was too good. Should of known that I am not supposed to be happy.

Now, even after turning off Elena's humanity, I do not feel much joy. I don't feel much of anything actually. I haven't spoken to any of my siblings since Kol died. I know Nik is mad I abandoned him. Rebekah is most likely furious right now. I have no idea if Elijah is aware of everything going on, but I know he would feel disappointment.

But for once, I don't care about any of it.

Instead, I just feel...empty. And I feel like I need a drink. Which is exactly what I did.

I drank.

At Rebekah's house, specifically. I don't feel like facing Nik and it seems like Rebekah is still at the island. Her wrath will be less intense than Nik's as well.

"Mhmmmmmmmmmmm this is soooo good." I say drunkenly to myself, while holding my third empty bottle of alcohol. I look at the stereo next to my sister's tv.

Now...music seems like a nice way to lift up my mood. I walk away from the kitchen, and stumble my way to the living room.

"WHooopS!" I state, almost fumbling over the air. "That was a closeeeee one."

I finally hit the stereo and put on some music. Now this is what I need.

"OHHHHH I LOVE LOVEEEEEEE SONGGGGSSSSS!!!" I scream while taking another large sip of my alcohol. "I WANNA TAKEEEE YOU SOMEWHEREEE SOO YOU KNOOWWW I CAREEEEEEEEE! BUT-T-T ITS SO COLWDDD AND I DON'T KNOW WHEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

I sing at the top of my lungs, swaying away the bottle, spilling some of the alcohol on my sister's floor. I dance around the room like nothing in my life matters. Because nothing does.

No matter what I do, I cannot save everyone I love. And nobody what anyone else does, I apparently just cannot die. So why not enjoy myself.

"I WANNAAAA SINGGG A SONG THAT WILL BE JUST OURS BUT I SANG THEM ALLLLL— ANOTHER HEART AND I—CRY I—FALLL IN LOVEEEE!!!!! BUT ALL MY TEARRSSSS HAVE BEEEEN USEDDD UP!!! ON ANOTHER—"

Someone then vamp speeds up to me, causing me to drop my drink. They grab my throat and pin me to the wall. I would love to say who is doing this, but I have pissed off a lot of people and I am too drunk to see clearly.

"WHERE THE BLOODY HELL IS THE CURE KALLE!!" She screams at me and I can tell by the tone, and the tints of blonde hair that this is my sister.

"Bexxxxxxx you-u-r home. And you made me drop my drink!" I complain, but she tightens the grip on my throat, making me choke. "Y-y-you kn-now this is act-t-tually painful for me."

"Well, if it wasn't, that would dismiss the whole point." Rebekah says with a fake smile. "Now where is the cure, Kalle?"

"It's ve-r-ry hard to speak wh-hen you are cho-cho-choking me and I'm half conscious." I state, motioning at my neck and she drops me to the floor angrily. "Ow."

"Talk Kalle!" Rebekah states while forcing me up the ground. "You are lucky I didn't tell Nik you were here." I suddenly sober myself up.

I squint my eyes at her. "I'm lucky? Nik should be lucky I did not make the spell that kept him in the Gilbert house permanent." I state angrily, and I push her away from me. She looks at me surprised, as I walk past her. Okay, stumble past her. I am still very much more drunk than I'd like to admit.

I pick up my bottle that fell, waiting for my sister to say something. I think it's actually kicking into her little brain that our brother died only a few days ago. But I guess she forgot because becoming human is more important than her family.

"I understand why you're angry Kalle. I would not be surprised if you killed everyone one of them. For god's sake, I would if—"

"If you had the cure." I finish her sentence with a serious face. She slowly, but surely nods. "Because they are only alive because you want that stupid cure. Otherwise they would be dead, but you care more about being a human, than your own brother so."

"That's not true." Rebekah argues and I roll my eyes at her. "You know it's not! But I've wanted to be human for a very long time sister! I have dreamed of the moment of becoming human again for over a millennium and I could not let it slip through my fingers."

"Ahh yes. Your desire of being human. Yeah that will be real fun when all your enemies come and kill you, once they find out you're no longer a vampire." I state sarcastically and she gives me a death stare.

"You are acting just like Niklaus." Rebekah states angrily and I shrug my shoulders. She looks at me with disbelief, before stepping closer. "You used to actually care about me wanting to be human. You used to find ways to turn me back human yourself, because even though I would eventually leave you, you wanted me to be happy. Because that's the person you are. And yet now you're hiding the cure away from me, when I did nothing wrong!"

I look at her with a straight face, before nodding my head silently. I then place the drink I have been holding down on the table, and face my sister again.

"You know what, you're right. You did nothing wrong. I mean, the only thing that happened was Kol died, no big deal." I state casually.

"Kalle—"

"And what also was not that big of a deal was me seeing my brother die in front of my eyes. Feeling his pain as he died, his betrayal. Seeing the anger in his face, feeling the anger throughout his body. Knowing that if I just stood by his side, I could have stopped this. I could have protected him, but I decided to side with you sister and this is what happened. But you know, none of this is a big deal because it was all so you can get some stupid cure that only carries one dose. It was all for a cure, that is holding the threat that Kol was trying to protect us from, who is most likely out by the way, but not my problem. Though excuse me sister, if I was being rude or unsupportive of you wanting to be human. I just saw my twin brother die in front of me by this doppelgänger and her brother who did it so easily without a second thought, just so she could have this cure you are all OBSESSED WITH!" I rant, not being able to hold in my anger and frustration. "But like I said before, it's no big deal."

"I will mourn our brother and regret not being able to do anything. I will live with that for the rest of my life but we did not raise Silas for nothing sister. The release of Silas was so we could get the cure, and you hiding it will not benefit anyone because otherwise we released Silas for no reason." Rebekah explains. "I will make it up to you for the rest of my life Kalle. But I cannot plead anymore how important it would be for me to become human again."

Rebekah pleads to me with sorrow filled eyes. Normally, I would just do what she asked, but not this time.

"I'm sorry Rebekah but I cannot do that." I state and her faces turns angry again. "I always thought that the good in me came from the fact I was not a vampire. That I would only kill when it was necessary, because unlike you, I never had to. I felt I was the only 'pure' person left in our family, and I had to keep that legacy alive. But once Kol died, I realized it was not me being the only non vampire in the family that made me good. It was having him by my side. He kept that humanity in me, no matter what we went through. So that girl you used to know, the girl who wanted you to be happy more than anything? She's not here anymore."

I still care about my sister very much. I never want to see her hurt. But I cannot put everyone's needs above mine anymore. And if she hates me for this, so be it.

"I hate that it has to be like this. But you know I will find the cure, whether you help me or not." Rebekah states, and I nod my head knowingly. "Which is why I'm sorry."

Rebekah states rushing to me, but I flick her neck and she drops to the floor before she reaches me.

"Me too sister." I state quietly, before making my way out of the house.

I don't know what to do anymore. I can't stay in Mystic Falls. If I do, I quite literally may kill them all. But I also cannot let them find the cure. Actually, there is no way in hell Katherine will let them anywhere near it. But I highly doubt Katherine will be able to go against my sister.

Ugh, I cannot worry about this cure right now. I need to worry about myself. I don't know what I'm doing or what my end goal here is. I'm just lost. But the one person I can speak to about this is gone. There is someone I talk to all the time...Alex.

I have not spoke to him since I arrived at Mystic Falls. He has been calling me, but I've been ignoring them all. I just cannot talk to him in this state. Not right now. So that leaves him out.

I cannot speak to my family. Niklaus is probably trying to track me at the moment, and Rebekah's blood must be boiling over the edge. And considering the fact my other two brothers are now dead...that leaves Elijah.

I can't face Elijah. He's going to say that everything I am doing is wrong, and I need to find a better way to cope, and blah blah blah. I'm not going to need a lecture, I'm going to need a brother. Someone I can talk to and someone who is not obsessed with that stupid cure.

Well, I guess I have no choice. I take out my phone and dial the number. It rings for a few seconds, before I get an answer.

"Hello sister."