The four faced each other at the breakfast morning the next day, the younger pair scarcely able to restrain their radiance from the elder. Darcy was pained to note how Mary would hide her countenance from him, still fearing his judgment. He suggested a walk that he might show Mary the bass pond, and Elizabeth took the hint and asked Georgiana to demonstrate her improvement at the pianoforte for her. Mary and Georgiana parted with a pang that each of their siblings could not fail to recognize.
Darcy shortened his stride to match Mary's shorter steps, pondering what to say to this studious girl who had so surprised his expectations.
"I owe you an apology, Miss Mary," he began. "My conduct has brought you pain, and I am very sorry that it has done so."
Mary was prepared for remonstrances, condemnations, but his apology took her aback. She murmured acknowledgment, scarce able to put two words together.
They stood before the pond, and tips on catching the wily fish within kept flashing in his mind. He felt ludicrously suspended between speaking to a sister's suitor and a maiden whose honor he had offended. He took refuge in truth.
"Elizabeth spoke to me of your suffering," he said. "I, too, know what it is to be held in the grip of a love too strong to be conquered."
Mary flushed, her throat constricting. It must be coming, the condemnation and order of exile. She found herself speaking fast.
"But you and Elizabeth loved each other," she said. "You may have excited gossip, but no terrible derangement of the law of nature."
Darcy shook his head. "I am afraid that you don't know all. Elizabeth concealed it like a saint. I….," he swallowed and drew breath. "She did not consent to our elopement. The sin was on me alone. She refused me and I refused to accept it. Is that not unnatural?"
Mary gulped, near strangling on her own heart as it leapt, hope and anger mingling to force it from its accustomed place.
"You… you forced Elizabeth to marry with you?" she asked, incredulous.
"Yes," he admitted plainly. "She would not agree to wed, and I did not see how I could live without her, so I had my servants seize her and I carried her off to Guernsey. She had no choice in the matter. That I was swept off the ship on our way home I can only regard as God's judgment against me. What I suffered in the Channel as I believed myself parted from her forever… I had only the condolence that she was shielded from recrimination by my name."
Mary staggered. She had seen parallels in her feelings for Georgiana in Darcy's for her sister, but had not expected to find a brother in sin in her brother-in-law. That he had so contravened the laws of man and nature to seize a bride unwilling… it was barbaric, scarcely believable in a gentleman composed equally of pride and propriety.
The sun seemed to illuminate everything with perfect clarity. Nothing could remain hidden in its light, and Mary gasped as she grasped the implications.
"You… you understand that I am in love with your sister?" she ventured to ask.
"Yes, Elizabeth told me. I must thank you for loving Georgie… Georgiana. She has been too little loved in her life, even by me."
Tears started from Mary's eyes. That he should approve of her love was beyond her understanding.
"Last night… she told me that she loves me, that she wishes me to ever remain with her," Mary confessed. Darcy felt it as a blow to the gut, and absurdly again felt as if he was addressing his sister's suitor. In a way, he was.
"You are each independent," he said, pacing a trifle. "You can choose to live where and with whom you wish. I would not interfere. I have no right, having only done harm to Georgiana and to you."
"Will… will you give us your blessing, brother?" she asked timidly. He turned to her and she could see tears in his eyes. "Yes, I shall bless the two of you," he said firmly.
Mary dropped to her knees, overcome by his promised benediction. He had sinned, but in his repentance, had become a fount of mercy. He bent over her, inquiring if she was well. She could only babble her thanks as he helped her up and back to the house. As they entered, the sound of Georgiana's playing drew her, and her steps hastened to join her beloved.
Georgiana, hearing them enter, looked to Mary's face and was filled with happiness to see her beaming countenance. Seeking some outlet for her joy, she invited Mary to sit with her and play for their siblings. Happily, Mary joined her, and their playing exceeded anything that either Elizabeth or Darcy had heard from them before.
As they listened, Elizabeth and Darcy drew together, watching the glow of the girls as their fingers danced on the keys, their mutual affection beyond any doubt.
"Who should ever know?" she whispered in his ear. "If they should choose to live and keep company together, no one should ever suspect that it was anything more. We could scarce believe even when told."
Darcy agreed. That this apparently innocently sentimental connection was in truth romantic was a wonder that he could expect no one else to penetrate. He could scarce comprehend it, himself, but could not allow their happiness to wait on his understanding.
After their experience with the gossips of Ramsgate, it would be wholly expected for them to retire to country life to await the natural death of the scandal. And who would think of them after that, with so many other concerns nearer at hand?
The piece came to an end and the pair clapped loudly, congratulating their sisters on their excellent performance.
"This is indeed proof that you are good for one another," Elizabeth said, smiling on them.
Georgiana's arm encircled Mary's waist, and she squeezed Mary to her in jubilation at the approval. Elizabeth offered to order a picnic for them so they could enjoy the beautiful day, and Georgiana eagerly accepted for both of them.
"There are so many things I would love to show Mary," she said, gazing tenderly at the object of her affections.
The two lingered long in the afternoon sun, so much that Mary grew pink under her bonnet.
"Oh, Mary, it is so good to be with you here," Georgiana declared as they lay on the blanket, each stuffed with good food and happiness. She kissed Mary's brow, her arm wrapped around her as they lay side by side.
Mary was delirious with happiness, but still felt that she had not represented herself fully to her beloved. She knew not where to start.
"Mary, wouldn't life be perfection if we could live in the country, together, and not worry about anyone else?" Georgiana asked. Mary swallowed hard. Here was the opportunity she had prayed for, but it was so soon. She sat up and looked down on Georgiana.
"That is exactly what I want," she said earnestly. "I love you, Georgiana. If I were a man, I would ask for your hand. I asked your brother for his blessing, and he said he would give it. I… wish to pass my life with you. But how can I ask such a thing?" she asked herself, despair returning as she contemplated living with such a sin and having inflicted it on her virtuous beloved.
Georgiana felt a deep thrill within herself, as a harp string expertly touched, it resonated throughout her being, a deep, true sound.
"You want to stay with me, for always?" Georgiana asked, almost overwhelmed, grasping at Mary's hands. Mary pressed her hands fervently. "I do. I wish always be with you, to never leave your side."
Georgiana flung her arms around Mary and squeezed her tight. "Oh my dearest Mary, I am so happy."
Joy stirred deep in her being, but duty pressed harder.
"But I cannot ask this of you, my love," Mary said solemnly, holding her at arm's length. "It is forbidden by Scripture."
Georgiana frowned. "I recall reading no such prohibition in the Gospels."
Mary was struck, as someone who thought they had been stabbed with a poisoned knife but groping in the dark for the wound found only unbroken skin.
"I always thought that Paul said that it was an affront against God and nature," Mary said.
"He must have only meant men. How could this be unnatural?" she asked, caressing Mary's cheek.
Mary longed to believe her, but long practice in self-chastening led her to seek authority.
"Your brother did not seem to think there was any valid prohibition against it," she admitted. "In any other case I should seek the vicar…"
"Oh, no, this is much too sacred to ask the vicar. As kind as he is, he shouldn't understand," Georgiana said.
"See!" Mary cried. "If it was not sinful, would we seek to conceal our love from a man of God?"
Georgiana blinked, thinking hard. She had diligently taken in all her teacher's lessons but could feel that none of them touched on this special connection betwixt her and Mary. If any man should lay his hand on their tender secret with judgment in his heart, he would besmirch something sacred.
"No, I feel that it is right," Georgiana said firmly, clasping Mary closer. "It is as a revelation direct from the divine, superseding all doctrine."
This heresy both drew and repelled Mary. That Georgiana felt so strongly was beautiful, reflecting the purity of her nature. But could Mary allow them to trust to it in defiance of all accepted wisdom? To so put their own judgment over what was received by all right-thinking men? Yet she found herself weakening in the face of Georgiana's assurance and offered love.
"Could you sit in church on Sunday, knowing that we live in defiance of Scripture?" Mary asked.
"Twice over," Georgiana assured her. "If you are by my side."
Overwhelmed, Mary embraced her. Soon they were lying closely, the sun hot on them as they pressed together. Sweat dripped off of Georgiana's nose, and she suddenly smiled at a thought.
"We should cool off in the pond. It is lovely on a hot day such as this."
Mary allowed Georgiana to help her up and they walked back to the house, where Georgiana asked the housekeeper for a pair of old chemises. They were full though short, and the girls quickly donned them then walked out to an inviting pond.
Georgiana splashed in, her voice ringing with relief from the heat as she urged Mary to follow. Never having immersed herself in a body of water larger than a tub, Mary followed cautiously, but the water was shallow near the edge and delightfully cool. The soaked linen floated around each, and a curious feeling of lightness claimed them.
They floated by each other, holding hands and letting the water rock them gently. Georgiana drew Mary close for a kiss, their bodies coming close then drifting apart as the water willed.
Needing her nearer, Mary pulled her closer, her legs reaching to pull her in.
Georgiana giggled and kicked a bit, still holding Mary, so that they shot into the middle of the pond. Georgiana slid against Mary, their chemises billowing in the water, and whirled the two of them in a slow spin.
Suddenly feeling herself out of her depth, Mary panicked, flailing in the water. Georgiana quickly pulled her to the bank, apologizing for having endangered her.
Finally catching her breath, Mary explained that she had never swum before.
"Oh I would never have known, you seemed so natural in the water," Georgiana exclaimed wide-eyed. "I grew up swimming here and never imagined…"
Mary embraced her, forgiving her a thousand times over. The two clambered back to the grass, finding clean clothes and towels stacked neatly nearby.
"Did you ask a servant to bring these?" Mary asked, puzzled by the detail.
"Susan knows I only ask for that old chemise when I'm swimming in the pond," Georgiana explained absently, more interested in watching Mary dry herself in the sunlight.
"Do you think she saw?" Mary asked, suddenly seized with concern.
"Saw, what, us swimming?" Georgiana asked.
"I… kissed you," Mary said, blushing.
"No, I kissed you. But don't worry," Georgiana assured her. "They are so busy with their own concerns that they see nothing."
Mary, skeptical but not wishing to contradict her friend's understanding of those in her own home, said nothing as they returned to the house.
—
Dear readers,
I admit that I'm in love with Mary and Georgiana being in love. I never saw this ship coming, and it has totally run me over.
If you're more interested in D&E action, my upcoming short story collection and novel are totally focussed on their relationship. If you'd like an advanced reading copy (you get a free PDF in hopes that you'll leave a review), please email me at kaurifish at gmail dot com.
Thanks for reading!