AU: The day of Major Sam Carters funeral. John and Sam attend and stay out of sight... Sam sees someone she was not expecting...
Part of my Lost and Found Universe.
Rating Change! Due to the course that this story has taken, I have decided to up the rating to Mature.
Triggers: Depression, Underage Relationship, Reference to a Major Character Death, Suicidal Thoughts, Foul Language, Reference to War.
Please note that this story deals with an underage character and a very mature age character. I DO NOT CONDONE this behaviour, but please remember that this is FanFiction, not real life, and the characters are Sam and Jack in other forms. While Jack's clone is 16 in this story, he is still a 52 year old man.
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters belong to Amazon/MGM. I'm just throwing them a curve ball and making their lives a little derentis!
Chapter 14:
Wednesday, 18th February 2004, 3:00pm – Crystal Valley Cemetery – John O'Neill
Pulling up in the gravel carpark of Crystal Valley, the presence of multitudes of blue uniforms interspersed with the few green ones from the SGC Marines and a handful of black suits and dresses seemed to fill the space. This was my first time coming here in this life. Somehow visiting the grave of the boy who was no longer my son felt like an intrusion into his life.
"You ready?" I asked the woman who sat beside me wearing a morose pant suit in all black, dark sunglasses and a hat – her assured attempt to not stand out.
"No." She replied quickly. "What if someone recognises me?" She added with a catch to her voice. It must have been hard for her to be at what was essentially her funeral.
"We'll find somewhere far away. I promise." I replied, reaching for her hand but expecting her to pull away. She didn't. Instead, she laced her fingers through mine and gripped for dear life. As much as I wanted this to mean something, I knew it didn't. I knew that she would pull away and I knew why. Funnily enough, my physical age had nothing to do with it.
She was scared. Scared that I would get attached. Scared that she would get attached, and then she would die. It was inevitable. I knew that. The problem was, I had already become attached, almost from the first moment I saw her. That too had been inevitable.
The sound of the drums starting the mournful rumbling heralded the beginning of the service and we watched as everyone gathered turned towards to the centre. Looking across to the other side of the car, I found her looking at me through darkened glasses and I fancied that I could see the sheen of tears veiled across the blue of her eyes. With a single nod of her head, I donned my own glasses and got out of the car. Moving to her side, I opened her door. After several days of exercise, she no longer needed help to do the simple things, though I did assist with getting her long woollen jacket situated. I was exceedingly proud of her for keeping up with the gentle but necessary regime on the days I had to go to school.
Unfortunately, with my Air Force stipend tied to my completion of school, I had no choice but to go or risk facing reprisals. They already had my future planned, much to my abhorrence. I was expected to complete the school year after I had turned 17, then enrol in the Academy. This time, I wanted to stay as a pilot. I was not interested in black ops a second time around. I had enough of those memories to last a lifetime, I didn't want anymore.
We walked together hand in hand to a large oak tree several headstones away from the proceedings. Close enough to see O'Neill fight his emotion while the President delivered his speech commending Major Carter during which he posthumously awarded her the Medal of Honour, but far enough away to not bring attention to ourselves. Sam clung to my arm the whole time, her ragged breathing revealing how well she was not dealing with it. The fact that she was here was a testament to her new found courage.
We watched in silence as Jack - the only military member of SG-1 left - joined by five other officers that we couldn't recognise folded her flag before he presented it to Mark. The audible sniff and gasp that accompanied Sam gripping my arm and hand tighter meant that she had seen the internal war Jack was waging the entire time. She could finally see how much he loved her.
Suddenly she whispered, "I didn't give him a chance." I looked over to her, though her eyes never left him.
"A chance for what?"
"To tell me. He asked me to go to his cabin before he left. I didn't go." She broke down and turned her face into my coat, so I did the only thing I could. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder. "I let him go thinking he was still with her instead of going to the cabin." I knew the 'her' she referred to was the CIA agent that she mentioned before, though I still couldn't understand what happened to make Jack hook up with another woman. Another sniff and she continued, "Then I went to Nevada. We didn't see each other for months, not until he called me to DC to order my reassignment back to the SGC."
"Why didn't you say anything then." I asked, knowing from my years in the Air Force that most reassignments were not done face-to-face. The fact that he summoned her to DC to receive her reassignment from him personally spoke volumes.
"I don't know. Looking back, he gave me the opportunity, several in fact. I guess I was so fixated on the belief that I had missed the boat with him, that I couldn't see what was right in front of me." She confessed, the enormity of what she was saying really hit home. Her Jack's subtlety probably had not helped the situation at the time. It was one of the many lessons I had learned after Loki. Trying to convince this Sam of my love - and therefore his love - was proof of that.
As the crowd dispersed, we noticed a few people hanging around. Cassie and Jacob had both spoken to Jack, Mark and his family were conversing with General Hammond and were even lucky enough to be introduced to the President, but the one that caused Sam to tense up as a sob escaped her was when one of the flag bearers removed her cover. It was Janet. She walked over and wrapped her arms around Cassie, then hooked her arm into the crook of Daniel's.
"What's wrong, Sam?" I asked, turning my body to face her so I could remove the dark glasses without anyone else seeing her. As far as I knew, Jacob had not seen her yet and since she looked so much like her mother in the photos I had seen, though much older, I knew that Jacob would think he was seeing the ghost of his dead wife. To my knowledge, no one had told Jacob about this Sam's presence here. Having him find out in this setting would be as far from ideal as you could get.
"Janet. She's… she's…"
"She's what?" I asked in earnest, honestly not knowing what made her so upset.
"My Janet died on P3X-666. She's not dead, and Jack. Jack took a hit to his chest. I reigned down fire over him, then dragged his body to the Gate thinking he was... that he didn't..." She replied, the shake in her voice travelling through her body cut her words off prematurely. Of course, I had no idea what planet that was because I'd never been there.
"Is that what happened in your time?" I asked. She looked up at me and nodded. "How long after your super soldier encounter was that?"
"I can't remember, but I know I still had a couple of stitches and bandages. It was a rescue mission to get SG-13. We weren't on the roster at the time, but since all other teams were out, Hammond mobilised SG-1 without me. I refused to stay behind. He sent Janet to stabilise Wells. She died saving his life and I nearly lost…" She finished her memory without saying his name, and for just a minute I was hoping she would end that sentence with 'you' meaning me.
"It's all different now." I looked up at the retreating guests. Now that the President had left, everyone else had slowly eked away. Some still lingered, but almost everyone was gone. "Our Sam died on Alpha, and Jack…" I looked back her, willing her to see that what I was saying went equally for me. "Well, he wouldn't have been in any condition to rescue anyone after losing his soulmate." Holding her gloved hand tightly, I ran my thumb along one of the scars that I knew ran the length of her hand. When she didn't say anything, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and turned her toward the carpark.
"C'mon. Let's go home."
"OK." She replied quietly.
Together we turned and took our time walking to the carpark. Although most people were gone, we were careful to make sure there were no stragglers before emerging from the cover of the trees. There were a few people who would know us on sight, and if they saw us here then the word might spread to others.
"Do you think he visited Charlie?" Sam asked out of the blue, her voice barely audible but loud enough that I heard her.
"I dunno. Probably not. Unless things changed drastically in the last nine months, he hasn't been there since…" I paused, because the last time I had visited was the day that Captain Samantha Carter burst into my life in that briefing room seven years ago, giving me a challenge, something new to focus on and, dare I say it, a reason to continue living.
"Since when?" She asked as we watched Siler and Walter get into their respective cars. They were the last to leave.
"Ahh, a while. Sometime in early 1997, I think." I replied vaguely hoping her memory was lagging a little in the 'seven years ago you became my new reason to live' department.
"Before the second Abydos mission?" She asked as we made it to the car.
"Yeah." I replied before opening her door and walking around to the driver's side. By the time I reached my door, she was inside, and her belt buckled. She looked at me. It didn't escape my notice that we were having a conversation as Jack and Sam, but I chose to say nothing since she had a habit to flipping back to ignorance when it suited her.
"So, before SG-1 or after?" She asked while looking out the windshield through her darkened glasses.
"What?"
She looked at me then. "Before or after SG-1?"
"Technically both." I replied, noting her frown at my answer which meant I wasn't going to get away with not elaborating. "Before since the original team was split up into two teams. But after that team was formed. Let's just say, I found the courage in the blue eyes of a young firecracker Captain who challenged her new CO to an arm wrestle." I explained, then started the car and eased out of the carpark.
When she didn't say anything, I turned my head slightly, pretending to check the side mirror and caught a glimpse of her staring at me, her glasses sitting on her head, pushing her hair up so that the arms made the edges bow a little and a small smile on her face. It was cute.
The majority of the car ride home was silent, but not awkward. A few shared looks, the odd smile and – by the time we reached the Chipita Park Road turn off – our hands clasped together with threaded fingers. When we were less than a few miles from the house, she spoke again.
"Harry let me drive the Chevy."
"He what! How the hell did you manage that? He never lets anyone drive that truck, well except his grandson when he's not gallivanting around the world." The sheer surprise in my voice made her laugh.
"Well, he was busy with his girlfriend. I got bored and played with the timing and a few other things. He refused to believe that it would go faster that what was in the manual." She said with a knowing smirk.
"Manuals are merely suggestions." I replied, knowing she'd agree wholeheartedly.
"Exactly!" Her excited agreement with my statement made me smile. She was very bit the Sam Carter that I remembered.
"You are a brave woman; he loves that old truck." Then I realised what she had said at the start. "Wait… he was busy… with his girlfriend? Oh no, did he take to meet Mary?" I asked because there was no other woman that Harry would 'get busy' with. He was smitten with her and vice versa. It was good to see. Barbara had been his life. When she died, he was half a man. It was hard to believe that she had been gone a decade.
"Yeah, she's nice. A little eccentric, but nice."
"It's an interesting little shop that she runs there." I said, only managing to stop myself from mentioning Sara and her never-ending quest to make the perfect photo scrapbook. She had been working on one when… she had been waiting for his school photo. It was never finished.
"Yeah, it is. I liked it." She replied as we pulled up outside the garage. Turning off the car and jumping out, I walked around to open the passenger door only to find it already open and Sam getting out under her own steam. She was a remarkable woman. To think that it had only been a week since I found her, well it was amazing.
I smiled and held out my arm for her grasp. Instead, she looped her arm around mine and held my hand tight. She was an enigma. A hot and cold one. But I'd take it while I could since I didn't know how long it would be before she turned anti-Jack again.
"I have something for you." She said as we approached the back door.
"Tickets to a Chicago Cubs winning Championship!" I jested with a huge smile. She laughed heartily as I opened the door and let her walk in before me.
"Sorry, I've had enough time travel in my life. You're young enough to hopefully see them win again someday." She teased.
"One can hope." I replied. Purposely choosing not to think of the fact that she would probably not be with me when that phenomenon did occur. We silently removed our heavy coats and kicked off the inappropriate footwear for winter eager to allow the heated tiles to warm our feet up.
"Coffee?" I asked as she wandered into the living room.
"Hmm, yes please." She replied, her voice slightly muffled but not so far away that I couldn't hear her.
Once the drinks were made, I ventured out into the living room to find her sitting on the sofa with a brown paper bag resting on her lap. Placing her coffee down on the side table and mine on the coffee table, I sat next to her. All at once, she lifted the package and placed it in my lap.
"This is for you. A peace offering. I hope."
Looking from her to the package, I picked it up and unwrapped it carefully. It was small but had some weight to it. As the brown paper came away, the first thing I saw was a happy front cover with a picture of Grace, sucking in a breath when I saw the photo she was holding. I knew that photo, or a variation of it. Jack in his green BDU's sitting in the commissary beside Kawalsky in the early days, both of them laughing at some unknown joke. The photo I remembered was slightly different. Carter was sitting beside me, and we were in blue. We were laughing over Daniel asking how we knew what colour to wear.
It was crazy how my posture and smile in this photo was almost identical to the photo Jack had on his mantle in the cabin. He had it hidden there because of the way his Carter had been looking at him and the fact that her hand looked very much at home on his thigh. It was taken in the days of attraction and endless mild flirting, before Jolinar. Before Antarctica. When they were still laughing over her jumping him in the locker room. During one team night, Daniel was extremely drunk and insisted on a re-enactment. Carter had been equally as drunk and obliged him, jumping Jack as he left the kitchen with more snacks. I could still remember Daniel's hooting laughter when she threw me against the wall causing the bowl of chips to tumble out of my hands only to be expertly caught by Teal'c before it hit the ground.
Page after page, photo after photo. I looked and drank her in. My daughter. She was this perfect little angel half Carter, half O'Neill. Some pictures had the alternate Sam in them, some had General Hammond, or more accurately Uncle George. Most of them were just Grace. I found myself lingering on the ones of her playing in the snow. She had my eyes, Sam's nose, honey brown wavy hair and the most amazing smile full of perfect little white teeth.
Simply beautiful.
"Thank you." I whispered as I folded it back up and looked at her to find another beautiful perfect smile. The one I dreamed of, the one I had hoped to wake up to every day. The one that had haunted my dreams for as long as I could remember. The smile that I would wait for all eternity just to see it again.