The disclaimer telling you I don't own any Ghosts characters has taken off somewhere. Just a quick recap and a minor explanation how Crash came back.

Let's Review

Sasappis and Trevor were standing outside the house. "I'm telling you," Trevor said. "That cloud looks almost exactly like Heather Locklear."

"Trevor that cloud doesn't look like Heather Locklear," Sasappis rolled his eyes.

"You know I'm right!" Trevor protested.

"You're delusional," Sasappis shook his head.

"Oh, come on look!" Trevor pointed. "Look at the head. The hair. The shape of the body. Huh? Can't you see it?"

"No," Sasappis gave him a look. "You know what I see? A cloud. That is very clearly the shape of Marica Gay Harden!"

"It is not Marcia Gay Harden," Trevor snapped. "It's Heather!"

"Marcia!" Sasappis snapped.

"HEATHER!"

"MARCIA!"

"Hey," Sam walked up to them. "What are you doing?"

"Having a fight about a cloud," Trevor admitted, somewhat embarrassed.

Sasappis sighed. "I hate my afterlife."

"Sam look at that cloud over there," Trevor pointed.

Sam blinked. "The one that looks like Timothee Chalamet?"

"WHO?" Trevor asked.

"Seriously?" Sasappis did a double take. "That does not look like a guy!"

"Yeah, that's definitely Heather Locklear," Trevor nodded.

"Marcia Gay Harden," Sasappis snapped.

"Heather!" Trevor glared at him.

"Marcia!" Sasappis glared back. "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!"

"As much as I'd love to hear this important debate," Sam interrupted. "I need you and the rest of the ghosts in the living room."

"Why?" Sasappis asked.

"I'm calling a meeting for the ghosts," Sam explained. "So if you can get the others…."

"Hey!" Someone called out. "Can youse guys hear me? Help!"

"Crash?" Trevor called out. "Is that you?"

"Yeah! I'm over here Trev!" Crash shouted.

Trevor walked over to a large bush. "Crash? What are you doing in there?"

"I'm writing a movie starring Elvis Presley," Crash quipped. "Whatdya think? That crazy chick Flower threw my head through a wall and I ended up rolling around in the bushes these past few months."

"Hang on," Sasappis noticed something. "I think I see your body." He went into the woods.

"I've got you bro," Trevor bent down and picked up Crash's head.

"Thanks Trev," Crash said. "You're a real stand up…What's that word again? Oh yeah. Mensch. Oh hey Sam. How's tricks?"

"Crash why would Flower throw your head out of the house?" Sam asked.

"Who knows?" Crash remarked. "All I was doing was singing her a song and the next thing I know my noggin is flying through the air like a baseball at Dodgers Stadium!"

"Found it," Sasappis was pushing Crash's body towards them. "Here we go. Trevor…"

Trevor put Crash's head on his body. "Better?"

"Ooh! Much," Crash settled in. "Thanks guys."

"So what happened this time?" Sasappis asked.

"He was hitting on Flower and she threw his head away," Sam explained.

"I think you annoyed her, bro," Trevor remarked.

"No kidding?" Crash said sarcastically.

"She's dating Thor now," Trevor explained. "And he might not be too happy with you if he finds out you were hitting on his girl."

"Oh, what's he gonna do?" Crash snorted. "Cut my head off again?"

"Yes," Sasappis and Trevor said at the same time.

"Right…" Crash gulped.

"If I were you, I would not say anything," Sasappis told him. "Odds are Flower forgot about it anyway."

"And you don't want her remembering and telling Thor," Trevor added. "Just be cool bro."

"Good plan," Crash admitted. "Good, good plan."

"Okay," Sam sighed. "Now that that's settled. Living room. Ten minutes. Meeting."

Ten minutes later…

"So, what's this meeting about Sam?" Alberta asked when the ghosts assembled.

"Yeah, what's the story morning glory?" Crash asked.

"A couple things I'd like to go over. We have some antique dealers staying with us this weekend," Sam explained.

"Well, I hope they're better than the ones that were here last weekend," Hetty sniffed. "Droning on and on about sculptures made from rusted car parts and old music boxes."

"Thor's cod lecture was more interesting than those two," Trevor admitted. "And that's saying something!"

"Thorfinn admits it," Thorfinn shrugged. "Cod lecture doesn't have zip salmon lecture has."

"They were so dull even we didn't want to watch them," Alberta remarked.

"I did for a few minutes," Hetty remarked. "Then I went right to bed. I actually slept well."

"So they're a cure for insomnia," Isaac quipped. "Good to know."

"The Bendersons were very nice people," Sam told them. "They loved Jay's cooking and gave us a nice review on Yelp. Maybe they'll come stay with us again?"

"I could always use another good night's sleep," Hetty admitted.

"This marks our first full year as a bed and breakfast," Sam paused. "Which I admit has been a little challenging."

"Sam," Trevor looked at her. "Me passing my final exams with straight A's in college while having a hangover and not going to several classes was challenging. This year was just plain nuts!"

"It wasn't…" Sam paused. "That bad."

"Oh yes this has been quite the banner year for your business," Isaac said sarcastically. "You and Jay falling through hole opening up in the floor on the first day due to a Viking curse."

"And termites," Sasappis added.

Isaac went on. "Critical guests. Insane birdwatchers. A cult. Protestors."

"The world's worst Halloween party ever," Trevor added.

"The return of Creepy Todd," Alberta added. "And I found out there were more people who had a motive to murder me. Which is not as thrilling as I thought it would be."

"The Farnsbys," Hetty sneered. "Who are more perverted than I could have possibly imagined!"

"At least we now know why they're so popular in this town," Trevor pointed out. Hetty just shuddered visibly.

"The TV show that filmed here," Pete added. "And that very weird actor."

"Car ghosts," Sasappis added. "Who cause a lot more drama than I do."

"Sam almost died again," Trevor added. "And Jay got shot in the butt with an arrow."

"Say what?" Crash blinked.

"It was hilarious," Trevor snickered. "See what happened…?"

"Not the time Trevor," Sam glared at him.

Trevor looked at Crash. "I'll tell you later."

"We did learn an important lesson," Sasappis remarked. "Don't use real arrows in a fake show."

"We also learned that ghost traps are real," Pete added. "And Latvians have a very mean streak. I feel so bad for those Latvian ghosts."

"Thorfinn does not like Freddie," Thorfinn growled. "Freddie now above Danes as Thorfinn's sworn enemy."

"And that is a high bar to cross," Isaac added.

"Technically I'm the one who drove Freddie away," Alberta huffed. "With a little humming. I don't think we need to worry about that fool."

"Who's Freddie?" Crash asked.

"I'll tell you later," Sasappis waved. "Long story."

"Elias returned…" Hetty grumbled. "Apparently he was so annoying even Hell was looking for a chance to get rid of him."

"More like they sent him to mess with us," Alberta told her.

"Honestly it doesn't surprise me that Elias willingly went back," Hetty admitted. "He's probably happier in Hell anyway with his own kind. And we all know Hell is full of harlots. Oh that's why he went back."

"Wait hang on," Crash spoke up. "Elias? As in Elias Hetty's evil hubby who died in the vault and went to Hell came back from Hell? That can happen?"

"Apparently," Isaac admitted.

"We learned to never trust anyone who comes from Hell," Pete shuddered. "The hard way!"

"And that Hell has the power to send e-mails," Sam paused. "Which explains a lot now that I think about it."

"That definitely explains that Nigerian Prince E-mail," Pete realized.

"I saw my parents again," Trevor sighed. "And my body was finally found."

"It was a lovely memorial service," Hetty patted Trevor on the shoulder.

"Oh, and Tara Reid was here," Trevor brightened.

"She almost stayed here," Sam glared at him.

"Technically I was going for having her see ghosts," Trevor pointed. "I didn't want to permanently kill her. Just temporarily kill her. Okay now that I say that aloud I realize that was kind of selfish. And mean."

"Who's Tara Reid?" Crash asked.

"A movie star," Trevor told Crash. "Seriously? We've been through this!"

"I think somebody died here," Flower blinked. "Didn't stay."

"We did have some really good parties," Trevor remarked. "We made up our own ghost fraternity!"

"Nigel and I finally started dating," Isaac added.

"And I moved out of the shed," Nigel added. "And away from Jenkins."

"Stephanie got a boyfriend," Trevor added. "Which is a huge relief to me."

"We started a new club!" Pete said cheerfully.

"Ant Watching Club really fun," Thorfinn nodded. "And Thorfinn connect with son! Thorfinn admits, that's pretty big news!"

"I found one of my relatives," Alberta added. "That's even bigger news!"

"Uh my daughter got married here," Pete added. "That's huge news!"

"We found some new TV shows to watch," Sasappis added. "That's pretty cool."

"We also learned seances can work," Alberta added. "If you do it right!"

"We also got a new birdbath!" Pete said cheerfully. "That's new!"

Sasappis sighed. "Sadly, that is news in our little world."

"We also acquired a new washing machine," Hetty paused. "Which took some getting used to."

"Especially for Hetty," Trevor snickered. Hetty glared at him.

"I don't know," Pete spoke up. "I think the spin cycle in the new machine is pretty interesting to watch."

"We really need to find new stuff to do around here," Sasappis remarked. "Oh, wait Hetty has already done that!" He looked at Trevor.

"What?" Crash did a double take. As best he could of course with his condition.

"Trevor and Hetty hooked up," Flower explained.

"Whoa!" Crash blinked. "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Back up! Are you telling me that Trev and Mrs. Golden Corset over here…?"

"Did it," Trevor smirked. "Several times."

"Whoa," Crash was stunned. "Trev, I mean I knew you were a player. But I didn't think you were that good! If you could thaw out Mrs. Frosty over there…"

"How would you like your head to be thrown outside again?" Hetty snapped.

"Hetty," Sam warned. "Nobody throw Crash's head outside anymore! Okay?"

"Fine," Hetty sniffed. Then pointed to Crash. "You just got lucky."

"But not as lucky as Trevor," Nigel remarked.

Hetty glared at Nigel. "Really? You're one to talk with your canoodling with Jenkins!"

"Isaac and I were on a respite!" Nigel protested. "A respite!"

"Boy did I miss a lot," Crash blinked.

"This was a very eventful year, wasn't it?" Isaac asked. "I mean so much has happened and we learned so much…"

"I have to admit," Sasappis grinned. "This year had a lot of drama! I'm happy! Except for the fact that I don't have a girlfriend."

"You've never had a girlfriend," Thorfinn remarked.

"YES, I DID! SHE WAS HERE OVER A WEEK!" Sasappis shouted. "We all saw her! I swear you're just saying that to mess with me!"

"It's working," Trevor snickered.

"I think right now is a good time to go over a few items," Sam told the ghosts. "Some little things that we need to address."

"Like what?" Trevor asked.

"Like almost murdering our guests for starters!" Sam glared at him.

"You're not going to let that go, are you?" Trevor groaned.

"Not to mention spying on our guests or freaking out any employees we get!" Sam added. "We need to address the ethics situation around here. Or in some cases, lack of them!"

"Really Sam?" Trevor looked at her. "You're complaining about our ethics?"

"What does that mean?" Sam was surprised.

"He means you and Jay haven't exactly been model businesspersons yourselves," Hetty spoke up. "You two have bent the law quite a bit."

"Like what?" Sam asked.

"How about spying on your guests?" Pete asked. "To be fair we volunteered but still…"

"Tampering with and disposing of a corpse," Isaac added.

"To be fair Thorfinn give permission to do that with his own corpse," Thorfinn spoke up. "Doesn't really count."

"Lying to inspectors," Pete added.

"Serving illegal pigeons as food," Isaac added.

"Blackmail," Alberta added.

"Getting involved with a cult," Isaac added.

"Tampering with a different corpse," Trevor added.

"You on your own with that one," Thorfinn shrugged.

"Serving liquor without a license," Pete added. "Illegal liquor I might add!"

"Running a speakeasy," Hetty added.

"Unsafe conditions," Pete added,

"He means the termites, the electrical wires that electrocuted people…" Sasappis explained. "Flower running around drugging people. The corpse in the vault while you were serving food and drinks."

"Is Elias' body still there?" Pete asked. "I mean that's gotta be taken care off if it hasn't!"

"You guys almost murdered Eric!" Trevor realized.

"Technically they did murder him," Sasappis admitted. "For about a minute."

"That was your idea!" Sam shouted. "And I was possessed by Thor at the time!"

"Yeah, but we're technically not liable," Sasappis paused. "You are. Just saying."

"Is that wiring still bad?" Pete asked.

"I don't believe they've gotten around to fixing it, no," Hetty remarked.

"You also wrecked Freddie's relationship with his girlfriend," Alberta added. "Not that it was going to go anywhere. But still…"

"Man did I miss a lot!" Crash groaned. "Hang on, who's this Freddie guy you keep bringing up?"

"Assistant Sam and Jay hired," Thorfinn explained. "Then fired. Then rehired. Then he quit. Then he came back. Then he quit permanently. After nearly killing Thorfinn and Flower with ghost trap because Pete too afraid to check out ghost trap."

"I went in there to save you two," Pete protested. "I thought we were past this?"

"My girlfriend Jessica was a car ghost that lived in Freddie's car," Sasappis explained. "Then Freddie sold the car. Which Jay bought for me. But then we realized she wouldn't be happy just staying on the property so Jay sold the car again."

"Around exact same time Thorfinn's baby adult son Bjorn start dating Farnsby's mother," Thorfinn added.

"This all happened in less than three weeks," Isaac remarked. "You did miss a lot!"

"Look," Sam sighed. "My point is that I don't want any more drama from you ghosts. At least this week."

Just then the doorbell rang. "I wonder who that could be?" Sam asked. "We're not supposed to get any more guests until tomorrow."

She went to look as Jay got the door. There was a man and a woman at the door wearing suits. "Can I help you?" Jay asked.

"Mr. and Mrs. Arondekar?" The man asked.

"Yes," Jay blinked.

The man showed some ID. "I'm Agent Stuart Scola and this is my partner Agent Tiffany Wallace from the FBI. We'd like to ask you a few questions."

"Oh dear," Hetty winced. "This does not bode well."

"It never does when the Feds get involved," Alberta groaned. "Trust me on this."

"Please Sam tell me you took care of Elias' body," Pete winced.

"It's about some guests you had," Agent Wallace explained as they came inside. "The Bendersons?"

"Oh yes," Sam nodded. "The Bendersons. A very nice couple. Why do you ask?"

"They were just arrested on a cocaine trafficking charge," Agent Scola told her. "They were hiding drugs in old music boxes and other antiques and transporting them across the country."

"WHAT?" Jay gasped.

"Gadzooks," Isaac blanched.

"Cheese and crackers!" Pete gasped.

"Never a good thing when the Feds show up," Alberta groaned.

"They had cocaine and they were that boring?" Hetty did a double take.

"That's because dealers usually don't dip into their own product," Trevor told her. "It interferes with the profits."

"Oh right," Hetty nodded. "That makes sense."

"They admitted hiding some cocaine in your home," Agent Scola said. "Under the floorboards under the bed in the room they stayed in. They said they felt bad about it because your B&B was one of the nicest they'd ever been in. And apparently you have a really good breakfast."

"We do," Sam said. "I mean…Drug dealers? Are you sure?"

"We caught them with twenty kilos in their garage," Agent Wallace said. "We're sure."

"Which room were they in?" Agent Scola showed a warrant.

"Right this way," Sam groaned.

"Wait! You might need to test it!" Hetty followed. "Just to make sure it is actually cocaine!"

"It could just be baking soda!" Trevor shouted. "It happens all the time! It happened to David!"

"Yes! Let us have a sniff and we can tell you!" Hetty shouted.

"Good news Sam," Sasappis called out. "We didn't cause this drama!"

"Oh man," Crash snickered. "I'm glad I'm here to see this!"

Later that evening…

"Unbelievable," Sam groaned as she and Jay ate dinner in the kitchen. With the ghosts watching. "Unbelievable…"

"I can't believe some of the best guests we ever had were cocaine dealers!" Jay groaned. "Figures."

"The one time the ghosts didn't spy on the guests," Sam groaned.

"Look at the bright side," Pete spoke up. "At least the FBI didn't charge you guys. And we got a nice review from the Bendersons!"

"Oh yes," Isaac remarked. "Thanks to that review more criminals will be flocking to our home."

"Not like this place hasn't seen its fair share of them," Sasappis pointed out.

"Excuse me?" Hetty bristled. "Woodstone Mansion is not a refuge for criminals!"

"Elias?" Sasappis gave her a look. "Thomas? Cousin Chandler?"

"Well…" Hetty paused.

"Cousin Woodrow?" Isaac added. "Great Aunt Mildred?"

"Uncle Jerome," Thorfinn counted. "Your grandson. Your other grandson. Your great grandnephew. Your great grandson. Your other great grandson. Your great-great-great grandnephew the chainsaw killer…"

"All right! I get the picture!" Hetty snapped. "I mean criminals that aren't related to me!"

"Right, you have enough criminals inside the family," Sasappis quipped. "Why outsource for more?"

"This business is not going the way I pictured," Sam groaned.

"Newhart never had problems like this that's for sure," Pete added.

"Okay maybe in that case the ghosts should have spied on those guests?" Jay admitted.

"You think?" Alberta snapped.

"Who would have thought running a bed and breakfast full of ghosts would have been so hard?" Sam sighed. At this Jay and the ghosts gave her a look.