"Yo!"
Chris McClean was standing on the dock, his eyes squinting at the bright sun. "I'm coming to ya'll LIVE from Camp Wawanakwa! Right now, it's just me. But starting now, 22 teens all around Canada are coming to this island! With no devices, disgusting food, and hardcore challenges, we have 911 on speed dial and chaos in our mind rent-free!" Chris chuckled, then pointed to the cafeteria.
"Over there, our contestants will be served food by my right-hand man, Chef!" Chris exclaimed. "Chef may help out…some times.." Chris hid a chuckle, before looking out to the lake. "Who will crumble? Who will come out on top? Find out on.. TOTAL. DRAMA. ISLAND!"
(I'm using the reboot intro, but without 'slay' for obvious reasons)
Hey, yo, wassup, I'm here to play
Anne Maria is spraying hairspray on her hair, as Zoey curiously taps the steel-hard hair. Noah sits and reads a book, bored as Ezekiel looks at the book from Noah's shoulder. Beardo dances to music with his AirPods, while Sadie argues with Dakota.
Don't know why the rest even bothered to stay
Ella dreamily gazes at Lightning as he and Caleb play basketball together, Dave being the ball. Zee sips orange soda as he watches the game, while Scarlett complains about them breaking all the rules that nobody cares about.
I know the game, and I got the skills
Scott talks with Owen, trying to plan out strategy. However, Owen's more interested in eating cookies. Sugar runs over to Owen, and the two argue over cookies. Meanwhile, Samey shows Damien and Topher a headstand, while Topher explains reality shows to Damien.
Crushing players dreams, and you know the drill
Julia's taking a selfie, when suddenly she gets hit by one of Axel's dart, ruining her hair. Meanwhile, Courtney's adjusting her outfit, before a dart hits her head too.
I wanna be, I wanna be
All the campers sit down at the campfire.
I wanna be famous
Sugar and Owen are still bickering, but Noah pushes Owen in to kiss Sugar. Both of them disgusted, they look at Noah and shove him down, while the others whistle.
"Welcome back to Total Drama Island!" Chris said. "Let's meet our first camper..Ezekiel!"
On the dock came the first camper, holding a pink sequiny backpack- almost as if it's from kindergarten. "Where's the palm trees, eh?" Ezekiel asked, looking at the trees around the island.
Chris raised an eyebrow, then laughed. "We're not in Florida, dude. We're in Muskoka."
"Weird, eh. There's palm trees on every island," Ezekiel said. "And sexy girls."
"What did you just say?" Chris said, bursting into laughter. "Listen, I know you're homeschooled, but nowadays, half of the girls in the world are 'girlbosses' who 'don't need no man'."
"Huh," The homeschooled boy muttered. "The books were really off." He walked over to the edge of the dock, and tapped his foot on the wood.
"Alright!" Chris said, focusing his mind onto the next camper. "Next up..Owen!"
Coming off of the speedboat, was a very fat teenager. "Chris! Nice to be here!" Owen ran over, and wrapped Chris in a bear hug.
"OW! OWEN-I CAN'T BREATHE-NNGH," Chris exclaimed as he lost breath over Owen's control. As soon as he heard Chris's struggles, Owen dropped Chris, making him fall on the dock.
"Sorry dude, just so psyched!" Owen said, running over to Ezekiel. "Hey dude! I'm Owen!"
"Hi!" Ezekiel said back.
"Whats up?" Owen asked. Hearing that, Ezekiel looked up to the sky, and pointed at a flock of geese.
"I think I see a bird!" Ezekiel said. Owen looked confused, but shrugged.
"There's the next guy!" Owen exclaimed, pointing to a speedboat with a ginger on board.
Chris smirked. "Scott, glad to see you arrived."
"A bit of a wild ride, but eh, what the fuc-" Scott was interrupted by Chris covering his mouth.
"There's children watching this show! Give them fart fetishes, not swears!" Chris exclaimed. Scott slapped Chris's hand, and stepped away.
"I'll say whatever the fuck I want," Scott said. "I don't even swear lots, but now I will just to annoy you the fuck out."
Chris rolled his eyes. "Whatever! Go!" Chris shoved Scott over to Ezekiel and Owen.
"Dude, you're making Chris mad!" Owen said to Scott.
Scott snickered. "And that's what I want. But if you want, you can go suck his di-"
"DAKOTA!" Chris said, almost sighing in relief. "Dakota's here!"
"Yes, yes I am!" Dakota yelled out from her speedboat. "You don't mind if a bit of paparazzi followed me, do you?"
"Actually, I do mind. SCRAM!" Chris shouted at the paparazzi. "CHEF!" Immediately, Chef ran down the dock, and started to strangle one of the paparazzi.
Dakota gasped in shock. "This is so against human and animal rights!"
"Animals have rights?" Ezekiel asked. "What about animals' wrongs?"
"Ezekiel, I think it's best if you shut up," Chris said. "Before you offend someone."
"Yes sir," Ezekiel said quickly, going back to watching the sky as Dakota stood next to the crowd.
Dakota flipped her hair, then looked over at the group. "Alright, compliments time!"
"You're…very blonde," Ezekiel said, before quickly shutting his mouth before Chris noticed.
"You look like a girl in vogue!" Owen told Dakota.
"Oh, honey..I am in vogue," Dakota chuckled, patting Owen's head.
"Well then! Let's introduce our next camper. Sadie!" Chris said, pointing to a slightly overweight girl jumping onto the dock.
"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! I'm at Total Drama Island! I'm SO excited!" Sadie squealed. "I can't believe I'm actually here!"
"I see you're excited," Chris said. "Don't worry, this camp is gonna be very fun."
"EE! Yay!" Sadie squeaked as she ran over to the dock. "Hi, hi everybody! It's so nice to be here, right?"
"Yeah!" Dakota said, fakely. "I'm so excited to literally be the hottest one here!"
"Oh, uh," Sadie was startled by this sudden self-love, but didn't argue with Dakota, as she just stood by her.
"Hey, Damien's here!" Chris exclaimed, wanting to move on with the show.
"Hey Chris! I'm here for the money, where it at?" Damien asked, looking at Chris seriously.
Chris raised an eyebrow. "You never mentioned being homeschooled.."
"I'm not! I've never watched reality shows before though, didn't wanna spoil how we get the money," Damien said. Hearing that, Chris burst into laughter.
"We don't just give you the money!" Chris exclaimed. "You have to do eliminations! Challenges! Betrayal!"
"Oh," Damien said, looking down. "Now I sound like an idiot."
Scott yelled out, "BECAUSE YOU ARE, N-"
PLEASE STAND BY
(please don't be offended)
Scott had a piece of tape over his mouth, and his hands were taped to his sides. "MMMPHMMHGMMMPHER!" Scott screamed.
"Sorry about that," Chris said. "I should've put him in a robot suit. But I'm nice."
"Is he..okay?" Damien asked, looking at the angry Scott.
Chris nodded. "He'll be taken care of. But we don't have curse word detection right now, so we can't take any chances."
"O..kay," Damien said, as he stood by the group.
"And here's our next player, Zoey!" Chris exclaimed, pointing at a friendly redhead getting off the dock.
"Hi everybody! It's really nice to be here," Zoey said, adjusting the flower on her head. "I just hope there's not much drama."
"The show's name is Total Drama Island," Chris pointed out. "More drama will arrive soon."
"Oh..great," Zoey said, uncomfortably standing with the group.
"Cool flower," Ezekiel told Zoey, poking her flower.
Zoey looked over to Ezekiel, and slightly blushed. "Oh…thanks! It's a daisy."
"Think there were some daisies on my family's farm," Ezekiel said. "But never put them on my head."
Zoey couldn't help chuckling as she gave Ezekiel a warm smile.
"Alright, here comes Zee!" Chris suddenly said, drawing attention over to the newest camper.
"Yo, wassup," Zee said, sipping his orange soda in hand. "Nice to be here, man."
"Glad you're here..too..but can I have that soda?" Chris asked, a bit annoyed.
"Sure!" Zee replied, giving Chris the soda. However, he just grabbed another one out of his pocket, and sipped it as he stood by the others.
"Wh-wha-what-HUH?" Chris said, completely frustrated. "Ugh!"
"Dude, I'll take a soda," Owen said to Zee. Zee nodded, and gave Owen a soda, which Owen drank quickly. "Nice brah."
"I wonder if we'll be on the same team," Zee said.
"Yeah," Owen replied. "Hopefully we're not with-"
"Let's all welcome our next camper, Ella!" Chris interrupted.
Off the speedboat, came Ella, a girl with a princess dress. "Hi everyone! It's so nice to have arrived!" She said, walking over to the rest of the group. "Charmed to meet you all!"
"Well, it's…charmed to meet you too Ella!" Sadie said. "I LOVED princess aurora when I was a kid."
"I see your parents raised you well," Ella stated, giving a warm smile to Sadie. "Don't worry, I don't always wear this. I'm a cosplayer!"
"Cool! You can make us matching costumes!" Sadie squeaked.
"Gross!" Chris said, making a gagging noise. "Here comes Julia!"
Julia walked onto the dock, taking selfies. "Hashtag Total Drama Forever!" She said out loud, as she sent her selfie onto SelfieGraham.
"Julia, you do know there's no cell-phones, right?" Chris asked, Julia giving him the side eye.
"Uhm, no," Julia said. "I need it for my daily vlog!" She took another selfie and went to walk over to the group when Chris stood in front of her, snatching the phone out of her hand. "HEY! UGH!"
"Chris, why would you do that?" Dakota exclaimed, running over. "That is so unfair."
"See? This girl gets it," Julia said, folding her arms and staring at Chris.
"And I don't care. No phones," Chris said. "AND NO PAPARAZZI." Chris shoved Dakota and Julia back into the crowd, Dakota landing in Zee's arms.
"Whoa, is that what plastic surgery looks like?" Zee asked, dropping Dakota.
"EXCUSE YOU?" Dakota yelled, getting back up. "This is all natural!"
"Yeah, you keep your mouth shut," Julia added, getting into Zee's face.
"O..kay," Zee said, shrugging and going back to watching the other campers.
Chris said, "And here comes number 11- I think, Scarlett!" Off the dock came a ginger haired girl, busy reading a book.
"No welcome? No 'psyched to be here'? No angry curse words? Nothing?" Chris asked as Scarlett walked past him and stood with the group. "She's not gonna be fun."
"You alive?" Damien said, tapping Scarlett's shoulder. Scarlett looked over, and rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, I'm just reading," Scarlett said, annoyed. "Maybe don't interrupt me." She went back to reading her book.
Damien sighed. "Sorry."
"Maybe she's just a bit anxious," Zoey reassured Damien. "You didn't do anything wrong." Damien smiled at Zoey, relaxing himself.
"And here comes the Lightning!" Chris said, pointing at the next contestant.
"Hello gorgeous!" Lightning said to himself. "Don't mess with the Lightning if you wanna win," He added as he walked down to the others. "You'll all be LUCKY if I'm on your team."
"Yeah, we'd be TOTALLY lucky," Ella said, trying to hide an obvious blush.
"Looks like the Disney princess found her prince," Julia whispered to Dakota, Dakota trying not to crack up.
"It's like, so sad," Dakota whispered back. "So desperate."
"Is that really nice?" Sadie said, interrupting their conversation.
"Talk to us once you weigh less then 200 pounds," Dakota retorted, her and Julia snickering.
Sadie rolled her eyes. "I'm 195!" she exclaimed.
"She's so desperate to lose weight that she keeps track!" Julia exclaimed.
"I-uh-whatever," Sadie said, stomping her foot. "They'll all see."
"Our next camper is..Samey!" Chris said. On the dock, came a cheerful girl, with a cheerleader outfit.
"T-O-T-A-L! D-R-A-M-A! What does that spell? Total Drama!" Samey exclaimed, cheering. "So glad to be here, to be able to show my spirit!"
"Glad you're here too," Chris replied. "So glad."
"C-H-R-I-S! What does that say? THE BEST!" Samey said, bouncing over to the dock.
"Actually, that spells Chris," Scarlett interrupted.
Samey chuckled. "Just trying to get on Chris's good side."
"Good strategy," Scarlett muttered, going back to her book.
"Let's welcome Noah to the camp!" Chris said, as Noah walked onto the dock.
"Oh look, it's beta survivor host," Noah said, snarkily referencing Chris. "Bet you had to sell your wife to get this island. Oh wait, you don't have a wife."
"Noah, how about you shut up before you get the Scott treatment," Chris said, angrily.
Noah rolled his eyes, but then looked over to Scott, still trying to swear. "Yeesh, he's in a mood."
"Now go! Shoo!" Chris said, shoving Noah to the group.
"What book's that? How to be a 'slay baddie girlboss queen in floptropica?'" Noah asked sarcastically, looking over Scarlett's shoulder.
"I would never read that book. Even if it won an award and brought Elvis back to life," Scarlett said. "I'm not that basic."
Noah gave Scarlett a satisfied smile, before going back to his spot.
"Next up, we have Anne Maria!" Chris told everyone, as the girl in question came onto the dock.
"Ugh! This island smells like dog barf and Chanel's newest scent COMBINED," Anne Maria said, spraying her hair. "Classy girls never use Chanel."
"But I'm a classy girl! And I use Chanel!" Dakota said, looking at Anne Maria. "Maybe you should fix your tan before insulting perfume."
"FIX THE TAN? Nobody disrespects the tan, honey!" Anne Maria shouted, stomping over to Dakota. "You hear that? NOBODY!"
As Anne Maria and Dakota fought, Chris couldn't help laughing. "I love this! We were right to get this jersey shore reject! But we have to move on..Everyone meet Dave!"
"Hi!" Dave said, waving at everyone. "Glad to be here." Dave walked over to the group, scratching his left arm with his right hand.
"What are those two doing?" He asked as Anne Maria and Dakota continued to argue.
"This girl disrespected the tan," Anne Maria said. "Nobody gets away with that!"
"Sounds like an overreaction.." Dave said, rolling his eyes.
"You're an overreaction," mumbled Anne Maria. "You'll pay for that, tootsie roll," She said to Dakota as she walked over to the edge.
"Such a bitch," Dakota whispered to Julia, the latter quickly nodding.
Chris sighed in relief that that drama was over, but then looked over to see the next camper. "And here comes Topher!"
"Chris! Chris!" Topher said, running over. "I'm a huge fan of all your work."
"Why, thank you!" Chris told Topher. "You're into reality shows, I assume?"
"Every single one," Topher said. "I love them all!"
"Great! You'll get to help out Damien- he's never seen any," Chris said.
"Nice," Topher said, walking over to the group. "You've never seen any reality shows?" Topher asked Damien.
"Nah. Hopefully there's nothing dangerous," Damien responded, slightly awkward.
Topher chuckled. "If you want, I'll teach you everything you need to know about Total Drama as a whole."
"That would really help," Damien said, giving Topher a warm smile.
"Hey ya'll!" A voice yelled, the clunky sound of boots filling the air.
"Looks like Sugar's here," Chris mumbled, a bit annoyed.
Sugar flipped her hair, then stood right in between Ella and Lightning. "There's not many girls who are hardworking AND beautiful, but I am one of them!" She put her hands on her hips, 'accidentally' making Ella fall. "Woops!"
"I'm okay!" Ella said, getting up a bit slower due to her wearing heels. "It's all good Sugar!"
"Looks like someone's got a sha-ego!" Lightning said, glaring at Sugar. "That's just sha-sad!"
"You're sad! You're sad you're not ME," Sugar said, flipping her hair again. "Now where's the tootsie rolls?"
"I'm sorry Sugar, I'm not sure if there are tootsie rolls here!" Ella said.
"Nobody cares about your opinion, ELLA," Sugar retorted, making Ella look down, uncomfortable.
"We've only got four more people to go!" Chris said, smiling. "Say Hi to Courtney!"
Off the dock, came a girl who looked like she was very prepared, but still sweet. "Hi everyone!" Courtney said, smiling. "You must be the other contestants. It's very nice to meet you all!"
"How's it going, I'm Owen!" Owen said, running over and shaking Courtney's hand energetically.
"Nice to meet you Owen," Courtney replied. "I'm doing very well, thank you!" Letting go of Owen's hand, she walked over to the group, smiling warmly to everyone.
"And our next contestant is…Caleb!" Chris exclaimed, as a very muscular contestant stepped onto the dock.
"Hey Chris," Caleb said, fist bumping Chris. "Glad you chose me."
"We didn't get much applications, so don't think so much about it!" Chris said, chuckling. "Go stand with the others…Or don't. Depends if you like girls staring at you."
"I don't mind, it's their business on who they like- and if they like me it's fine!" Caleb told Chris, walking to the group. "Nice to meet you all."
"Nice to meet you too Caleb!" Courtney said, formally shaking his hand. Caleb smiled at Courtney, admiring her smile before quickly snapping back to reality and watching as the next speedboat approached.
"Second last contestant is..Beardo!" Chris exclaimed, as a guy with big hair came on.
Beardo snapped his fingers, and smiled at Chris, as he nodded his head to his airpods.
"Don't expect him to talk too much," Chris said to the audience, as Beardo continued to walk to the group.
Beardo didn't really focus on everyone, he just shuffled and listened to his music.
"That's just pathetic," Dakota whispered to Julia. "If he doesn't talk, why did he sign up?"
"I know, right? It's, hashtag basic," Julia whispered back, snickering. "Or it's giving pick me."
Chris took a big breath, preparing to announce the final contestant. "And our final contestant is…AXEL!"
Off the dock, came who was presumed to be Axel.
"So," Axel said, looking at everyone. "This is the cast."
"Yeah?" Chris replied. As Axel looked at everyone, Ella shyly waved, Scott tried to scream the N word again, Dave was anxiously scratching his arm, and Courtney was smiling, hands behind her back.
"Great," Axel said, rolling her eyes, going with the group.
"And that's all twenty two of our new campers!" Chris said. "Before we let you unpack, I'm gonna divide you into two teams! If I call your name, move to the left side of the dock, the one with the Wawanakwa side."
"Scarlett."
Scarlett looked up from her book, and walked to the left.
"Caleb."
Caleb walked over to the left, Sadie staring at him in awe.
"Zee."
Zee took a sip of his orange soda, as he went over to the left.
"Courtney."
Courtney waved good-bye to the larger crowd, and went to the left.
"Owen."
"Nice!" Owen exclaimed, walking to the left.
"Topher."
Topher winked at Samey, as he walked over to the left side.
"Julia."
Julia flipped her hair, as she sashayed over to the left.
"Noah."
Noah looked up, rolling his eyes as he walked over to the rest of the first team.
"Damien."
Damien sighed of relief that he was on the same team as Topher while he walked over to the left side.
"Axel."
Axel grabbed her large bag, and dragged it to the left.
"And, Anne Maria!"
Anne Maria continued to spray her hair as she walked down to the side.
"You eleven are…" Chris paused for dramatic effect, before throwing a green mat to the eleven. "The Screaming Gophers!"
"Nice! I'm a Gopher!" Topher said. "Gopher and Topher rhyme! I should be team captain!"
Axel rolled her eyes. "You can be captain. Over my dead body!"
"And that leaves…Ezekiel, Sadie, Dakota, Ella, Lightning, Samey, Beardo, Zoey, Dave, Scott, and Sugar!" Chris walked over to the group still at the left, and threw them a red mat. "You are now known as…the Killer Bass!"
"Isn't a bass like a fish? And how do fish kill?" Ezekiel asked, confused.
"It's just a team name, no need to get so worked up," Dave said to Ezekiel.
"Don't worry Zeeke! It's called 'killer bass' because we're gonna dominate the competition!" Zoey said, warmly smiling at Ezekiel.
"Thanks.." Ezekiel said.
"The left cabin is Screaming Gophers, and the right cabin is Killer Bass. Left side is girls, right side is boys. Does everyone understand?" Chris asked, getting nods from everyone.
"What if you identify as an orange soda?" Zee asked.
"Zee, you're not an orange soda. Now go to your cabins!" Chris yelled, everyone scrambling to go to their specific cabin.
d====================================================================D
Screaming Gophers, Girl Cabin.
Scarlett, Courtney, Julia, Axel, Anne Maria
"So, who's taking which bunk?" Courtney asked. "If you all don't mind, I'll take the bottom." Courtney put her bag down to the bed.
"I'll go on top," Scarlett said, climbing up to the bunk. As soon as she was comfortably seated, she picked up her book, and started to read.
"I'll take this top," Axel said, going on the top of another bunk.
"I'll be on da bottom, i'd rather bunk with a zombie freak then miss barbie over there," Anne Maria said, putting all her stuff on the bottom bunk, leaving Julia alone.
"W-whatever!" Julia exclaimed. "I don't even care!"
Screaming Gophers, Guy Cabin.
Caleb, Zee, Owen, Topher, Noah, Damien
"So..Topher, bunkmates?" Damien asked.
"Sure," Topher replied. "Do you want the top or the bottom?"
"Bottom," Damien said. He grabbed his bag, and threw it to the bottom bed. "Hopefully we can rest for a little while before we have to do a challenge. What are the challenges anyway?"
"Something dumb," Noah said. "I'm taking bottom." Noah sat down on the bottom bed, when suddenly the top bunk almost crashed down on top of Noah.
"I'm on top!" Owen exclaimed. "Is that okay?"
"Yeah, TOTALLY.." Noah said, mumbling.
"So. That leaves you and me," Caleb said, facing Zee.
"That's fine, dude," Zee said. "Don't mind. You want the top, or the bottom."
"I'll take the bottom," Caleb responded, putting down his bags as Zee climbed up to the top.
Killer Bass, Girl Cabin.
Sadie, Dakota, Ella, Samey, Zoey, Sugar
"So, Ella..why were you sucking up to Lightning?" Dakota asked, smirking.
"I..I wasn't," Ella said, looking down.
"Oh, honey, we all know you're into him. Just admit it," Dakota said.
"Dakota, if Ella doesn't wanna talk about it she doesn't have to talk about it," Zoey said. "Right?"
"Yeah, Zoey's right," Samey added. "Who wants to bunk with me?"
"I will!" Sugar said. "If i'm on top!"
Samey shrugged. "I don't care. I'll be on the bottom!" Samey put her cheerleading stuff on the bottom bunk, and watched as Sugar unpacked all her 'supplies' on the top bunk.
"Sorry if it's a bit heavy," Sugar said.
"No..problem," Samey replied.
"Ella, you want me and you to bunk?" asked Zoey. Ella eagerly nodded.
"Can I go on top?" Ella asked.
"Sure, I'm a bit scared of heights anyway," Zoey replied. The two got on their beds, which left Dakota and Sadie.
"Ugh, why do I have to bunk with the fat one? Sadie, you're bottom. No discussion," Dakota said, jumping onto the top.
"But-" Sadie didn't continue her sentence, she just sighed and looked down. "Fine."
Killer Bass, Boy Cabin
Ezekiel, Lightning, Beardo, Dave, Scott
"Finally, I have that dumb tape off me!" Scott exclaimed. "Fuck Chris, that must've broke some law when he TAPED my mouth!"
"I mean, you did almost say the N word on live tv," Dave pointed out.
"I should've seen that! It sounded sha-crazy!" Lightning said. "But who's bunking with who? Beardo's already on that bottom."
"I'll be on top of Beardo, eh," Ezekiel said, making Scott snicker. "What's so funny?"
"Nothing," Scott said, still snickering. Even Lightning was chuckling.
"If you guys want, I'll bunk alone so you two can bunk," Dave said to Scott and Lightning.
"Sure.." Scott agreed. "But I call top."
"Fine by me," Lightning said, going to the bottom bunk.
================================================
Chris was standing on a cliff. "This challenge is gonna take a lot of bravery, strength, and smarts. In fact, I can't guarantee everyone will make it out without a scratch. Will love blossom? Will enemies make up? And WHO will be the first one eliminated."
Find out next time on..
TOTAL.
DRAMA.
ISLAND!