A/N: A little one shot to get me back in the mood to write. Takes place as Harm is leaving to fly.

Goodbye?

What am I doing? He's leaving tomorrow. This won't go beyond tonight, and I've never wanted just a one-night stand with him. I should stop this, stop this before his deft fingers begin to unbutton my blouse, but now he's kissing my jaw and working his way down my neck. He breathes my name in my ear, not my nickname, but my name. Sarah. Sarah, Sarah, Sarah…it's like a prayer. I need to stop this, I know. I know this is wrong…but I can't. Not when his lips are caressing the sensitive area behind my ear, not when his hand is sliding over my hip and around to my stomach. He's pulling me toward him, my back to his front, and he's hard. So hard. I want to turn and free his manhood. I want to stroke it until he comes. I want to take him in my mouth, and when he finally explodes, I want to drink it all down. He doesn't let me do that though. Instead, those long, skilled fingers do find my buttons, and he unbuttons enough to slide his hand inside my blouse. His warm, big hand rests against my fevered skin. I hear a whimper, and I realize it's me as his other hand works the zipper of my pants.

How did I get here? How did I get to Harm's apartment, when he appeared to be walking out of all our lives? I've almost forgotten at this point, my brain too focused on Harm's touch, but then I recall how the phone rang in my office, just minutes after we all watched him walk away.

He called me Sarah then too, and my heart sped painfully at the longing in his voice. We'd embraced before he left, me embarrassed at the tears he didn't share, but now he sounded just as tearful as I was. I asked him what he needed, what I could do for him, and all he said was "come to me."

And so, I came.

He started kissing me as soon as he closed the door behind me, his tongue begging entrance, and I let him. I let him do the things I wanted the most…

Well, maybe not exactly what I wanted most…

I want him to make love to me. I want him to stroke my sex with those magnificently long fingers until I come in his hand. I want him to bury his face between my legs, spread my lips and and lick and suck the bundle of nerves at my core until I buck against him with my orgasm.

And then I want to return the favor. I've always expected Harm to be well endowed, and the feel of his hardness nudging my bottom confirms it. I wonder how much of him I can take inside my mouth, and I know I would do my damnedest to take it all.

And then I want him inside me. I want him to lower himself down into me, filling me to my womb, and then I want him to move, to slide in and out of me until I'm screaming his name and shuddering around him. I want to try every position possible, until I'm tired and sore and collapse in his arms.

And then I want him to hold me. To run his fingers up and down my back as we lie snuggled together. I want to be draped across his chest, teasing his nipple as he kisses my hair.

I want him.

I love him. I love him more than I can stand, and the pain in my heart over his leaving is a searing, hot knife. I really should stop this now. I don't want to feel him love me just to have him leave me forever. "Harm," I whisper. "Harm, please…"

"Please, what, Sarah?" he whispers in my ear and his warm breath teases my cheek. "Please, what?"

I open my mouth to tell him I need to leave, but what comes out is entirely different. My blouse his completely unbuttoned now, the front clasp of my bra undone, and he has my breasts cupped in his hands. His thumbs stroke my nipples and they harden into turgid peaks, and I am lost.

"Please, Harm. Love me. Love me," I whimper and beg, and then he's lifting me in his arms and carrying me up the stairs to his bed.

His loving is exquisite. He knows exactly how to touch me, where to put his fingers and his lips to make me call out his name. He already knows how to make me come harder and faster than I have ever before. He knows how to draw out my orgasm while another follows close behind, and he knows how to tease me until I beg for release.

After what seems like hours, we're both ready to take this further. This is it, the moment when Harm finally, truly loves me. I spread my legs for him as his he runs his hands up my thighs and for a moment, he looks at me questioningly. I nod and he grins, covering my body with his own before he dips a finger into my wetness. I'm ready, more than ready, and then he fills me with his girth. He goes slowly, allowing me to adjust to his size before going further. When he's fully buried in me, his eyes lock with mine as he strokes my hair back from my forehead. His eyes question me again and instead of nodding, I thrust upward, feeling him go deeper inside me. He takes this cue for what it is, and then he begins to move.

It's a cliché, I know. It's cliched to say I've never experienced anything like making love to and with Harm. Every touch, every caress is meant to give me pleasure. I touch him in return, feeling the muscles in his back ripple as I run my hands up his spine. On their downward journey, I stop to cup his six and he groans. I know I've discovered another sensitive spot, the first being that endearingly cute crooked right ear, the next, the sensation of my fingers running through his hair. I can also tell he likes it when I wrap my legs high around his torso.

I would be willing to do anything to feel like this again, and as we both orgasm, I begin to cry.

He asks me the usual questions: Did I hurt you? Are you sorry about this? I can only shake my head no, knowing I can't tell him I don't want him to leave. His expression becomes more distressed, so I can only cradle his face in my hands and lower his lips to mine. Our kisses have a desperation in them, and I think maybe he is as sad to be leaving me as I am about him leaving to fly. Before long, we're making love again, and then, my dream of him holding me comes to fruition. We drift off in each other's arms, even though I want to stay awake to feel him around me for these last hours. Unfortunately, I sleep, and for once, it's heavy and dreamless.

When I wake, I hear Harm's shower running. It's only 0400, but I know Harm's flight leaves at 0630. I wonder how long he's been in there, and I wonder if I can flee before he sees me.

I have to go. I can't stay for the inevitable goodbye, when he tells me it's been fun, that he had a great night. Tears are forming in my eyes, and now I know I really have to flee. I don't want him to see me cry again.

Quietly, I slide out of bed. My clothes are in the living room, and I tiptoe past his bathroom area, hoping against hope that he is turned away from me. I hear nothing from him, thankfully, as I reach the crumpled mess that was my uniform. With shaking hands, I begin to dress. The shower is still running, and it's a relief. I will make it. My tears dry up. This is good.

I grab my keys from where they fell from my hand by the front door, and my frantic fingers turn every lock, every deadbolt. I pull the door open…

"Sarah?"

Dammit.

"I-I'll just get out of your hair." I pull the door open wider, but he moves with incredible stealth. I don't hear him as he approaches, but suddenly he's behind me, and the door is pulled roughly from my hands and slammed shut.

"Mac, why? Why are you leaving?"

"Because," I gulp. "You are. I don't—I don't want to be in the way."

"You wouldn't. You wouldn't be in the way."

"Harm, it's okay. Just—just email me when you get to the carrier."

He looks at me in consternation. "What's going on here, honey?"

The tears are back when I hear the simple endearment. Honey. "You're going in a few minutes."

"An hour."

"So, I should go now…or…"

"Or?"

"I could…I could get your sheets, wash them…I'll bring them back." I know I sound ridiculous and desperate. Harm looks confused and…angry.

"Mac, I don't want you doing my laundry! I want to talk…talk about us."

"There is no us, Harm. This was just a wonderful way to say goodbye. Thank you."

Harm now looks incredulous. "A way to say goodbye? That's all this was to you?"

I shake my head. "No, it was more than wonderful, but it was still a goodbye."

"Mac…no…no…please…"

I don't understand his pleading tone. What does he want from me? Another go around in bed? I can't do that. I'm already trembling at the idea of leaving him, and if he holds me one more time, I think I'll die.

"Goodbye, Harm." I lean up and kiss his cheek, then open the door again. "Have fun. I know flying is what you've always wanted, what you were meant to do." I step over the threshold, and I'm relieved he lets me go.

Or not…I hear his footsteps behind me and then he grabs me roughly to spin me around. His lips descend on mine and we kiss passionately. I don't even notice as he backs us up into his apartment, but when we come apart for air, we're standing in his living room again.

"Mac, this wasn't…did you think this was just one night…you think I would…to you?"

"Yes!" I shout before bursting into tears. I sob and I'm so mortified until he draws me into his arms and presses my head to his shoulder.

"Mac, Mac…Sarah…God, I'm not good at this…I-I wanted you to come to me…because I…I…" He mumbles something, and I pull away, still ugly crying, and trust me, it's ugly. I know my mascara from yesterday is smearing, giving me raccoon eyes. It must be.

"Say something, hon. Say anything!" he continues, the pleading tone back in his voice.

"I need to go," I gulp.

"No," he shakes his head vehemently.

"Why not?" I'm so confused now. It almost sounds like he doesn't want me to leave.

"Because…dammit…I-I love you!"

Well, that was unexpected. I stand frozen, shocked into silence, though the tears still run down my cheeks.

"Mac, come on! Say some—"

I don't say anything. I think Harm is crying now.

I'm not the only one crying. I'm NOT the only one crying. Harm loves me…he loves me.

"You love me?" I ask, my voice shaky.

"Yes, goddammit!" he shouts, and it makes me jump…straight into his arms.

"I love you too." And then we kiss.

That morning, I took him to the airport, wiping his tears from his face while he brushed away mine. We kissed once more, whispered our I love you's, vowed to email and call when we could, and then he walked away. He turned back just as he was about to go through security, and it reminded me of how he left JAG the day before.

There was one difference, however. He wasn't leaving me, never to see me again. He was coming back to me—to the woman he loved.

It's a warm-for-this-time-of-year day on the pier in Pensacola, as I jump childishly up and down when I see Harm's carrier coming in to dock. It's been eight months, and I've missed him every moment of every day. I will admit there were nights I cried myself to sleep, mostly after his all to rare phone calls. After the third call, when the tears started before we had even hung up, he managed to pull it out of me that I always cried after his calls. He asked if maybe he shouldn't phone, and at first I thought he was mad and just lashing out immaturely as he was wont to do in our early days. I nearly snapped at him, but then with shaky voice, he told me he didn't want me to be so distressed. I told him I would be more distressed if I couldn't hear his voice, so, to my relief, the calls, though few and far between, still continued.

It embarrasses me, the big bad marine who has been called 'cold' more than once, that I cry so easily over him, but I guess that's love. Bud and Harriet have been great, and I know Harm has asked them to check on me often, just as I've asked his bunk mate, Tuna, to check on him, though Harm doesn't and will never know this.

It seems an eternity before the huge carrier finally stops, and it seems even longer before navy men and women begin disembarking. It's easy to see Harm when he finally appears. He stands taller than the rest and he walks with an aviator swagger as only he can. I watch his every step as he comes closer and closer to me. I see him scan the crowd, and when our eyes meet, his flyboy grin stretches across his face. A few seconds later I'm in his arms, and we cry and laugh and kiss. He spins me around and the joy around us is palpable. I can't help giggling at his exuberance and I nearly miss his first words not over the phone to me in months…

"Marry me!"

I'm utterly shocked, but the answer, of course, is, "Yes!"

Yes.

Forever yes.

End