Chapter 5

Crossroads mission school, Oklahoma

August 1859

Kaylie held her hand up to shield her eyes from the hot summer sun. It was Sunday, her favorite day. It was the only day they didn't have chores, or school. Mass was at nine, then she had to study scriptures, but the rest of the day was hers.

She stretched out on the blanket and watched a few of the younger girls picking wildflowers in the field near the gates of courtyard. Lazily she tossed a pebble into the stream and played with a blade of grass as she waited impatiently for Buck and Ike to show up.

No one ever bothered them all the way out by the creek, and Kaylie loved being out away from the school. The feeling of freedom, even if it was just for a few hours. Feeling a tickle on her foot, she quickly twitched her leg, a few seconds later, the tickle again.

"Buck!" She laughed when she turned to swat at a fly or other pest and found Buck tickling her foot with a leaf. "What took you so long?"

"Sister Mary," Buck raised his eyebrow at her.

"Oh." Kaylie smiled. Sister Mary didn't like Buck. Actually, she didn't like most of children at the mission. Unbeknownst to Kaylie she had managed to get on her good side. "Where's Ike?"

"He's helping fix the gate," Buck sat cross-legged on the blanket.

"That's not fair he had to help when Shawn doesn't," Kaylie frowned.

"Kaylie, life isn't always fair."

"I know."

She watched as a sullen look crossed over Buck's expression. She had it decent enough at the mission, but she knew things were different for Buck and Ike.

"Do you ever regret coming here?" She looked over at him questioningly.

"I guess not." He thought carefully at her question. "Not too many options, right?"

"Do you think about going back home?"

"Sometimes," Buck thought for a moment. "But I didn't feel like I belonged there anymore than here."

"Oh,"

"Well," Buck smiled at her and winked. "There are some things that I like better here."

"Have you ever been in love Buck?" She smiled a coyly at him and smiled, quickly looking away.

"There was a girl I was supposed to marry," Buck swallowed hard. "I guess I loved her, but that was many years ago."

"Marry?" She laughed loudly. "So young?"

"No, no we wouldn't have married then." He laughed wholeheartedly realizing how she understood his statement. "The Elders would arrange marriages, for when we were older."

"Oh, I understand." She laughed at her mistake. She returned his gaze and took a deep breath. "Do you think about her?"

"Sometimes," Buck smiled when he noticed the flicker of disappointment in her eyes.

"Oh."

"But I think about you all the time."

"You do?" Kaylie smiled but didn't look away from his as she usually did.

"What about you? Do you have any family?"

"No, not anymore." Kaylie shivered at the mention of her family.

Buck noticed the sudden change in her mood and backed off. "Kaylie, you don't have to talk about it."

Buck had bravely opened up about his past, revealing layers of trauma and vulnerability, but Kaylie wasn't prepared to reciprocate. The secret she harbored within her was heavy with its own dangers, and she couldn't bring herself to expose him to the potential risks. Despite grappling with guilt for withholding, particularly after Buck had trusted her with his own pain, she remained guarded, unsure whether she could trust him with the weight of her own secrets.

"Hey, it's okay," Buck reached out and rested his hand on her arm.

"I do want to tell you, it's just," Kaylie stopped and looked at him. "I'm afraid."

"It's alright," Buck grasped her hands in his. "I'll never let anyone hurt you."

"My father died when I was young. I can hardly remember him now. My mother, she had troubles in her mind, or at least that's what my grandmother says."

"You don't believe her?"

"I don't know, maybe," Kaylie shrugged. "Sometimes I think my grandmother sent her away because she never liked her. My father's family had a lot of money. My mother was poor and had no family." Kaylie smiled as she went on. "I remember her telling me about my father; she loved him so much. He was just away a lot. My Grandmother raised me from then on." She fidgeted with her plain grey skirt. "

"Still, sounds like a good life. Why did you leave?"

"My uncle,"

"Your mother's or father's brother?" Buck asked for clarity.

"My father's brother. He was much younger than parents, perhaps ten years younger?" Kaylie sighed softly knowing she was safe now. There was no way her uncle would be able to find her here.

"When I was born, he was away from the family, in university. But when my father died, he returned."

"Did he hurt you Kaylie?" Buck tenderly held her hands in his.

"He always was touching me," Kaylie's voice became very soft, and Buck had to strain to hear her. "I told my grandmother, but she didn't believe me." Kaylie's chin began to quiver. "He told me it was a secret, and that he loved me." Kaylie clenched her jaw. "I was so stupid, I believed him for years. I didn't like it, but I didn't know what else to do."

"It's not your fault, you were so young," Buck put his arm around her and felt her body lean into his.

"Once he tried, he," There was a long silence before she cleared her throat and continued. "He tried to," Kaylie looked up hoping that Buck would understand.

Buck's jaw clenched as he grasped the unspoken words she struggled to convey. In the depths of his gaze, Kaylie detected a glimmer of understating, a silent acknowledgment.

"It was after my grandmother she caught him things got really bad. I remember them screaming, yelling. He told her there wasn't anything could about it, he said he would kill her if she did anything to stop him." Kaylie's eyes were wide then she broke into heavy sobs and threw her arms around Buck.

"You are safe here. Nothing can happen to you now," Buck held her tightly, softly stroking her back.

"You can't tell anyone Buck. Promise me," she whispered between sobs.

"I promise," Buck's heart broke for the pain that she had suffered.