So, it took a review from someone who has been reading my work since day 0 to give me the kick up the ass I needed. It's been far too long and I'm sorry. To anyone out there still reading this, you have no idea how much it means. This is for msgemgem and for all the others who've left kind words since I first posted my stories in 2005. Enjoy - and let me know if you want more. El x

"You're lucky,"

Pete Dunham snorted, squinting into the light the doctor had spent the last five minutes shining into his eyes.

"You reckon?"

"Well, lucky as you can be after getting mugged in the middle of a food market on South Bank in broad daylight," Dr Hilliarde raised an eyebrow and pursed his lips.

The kid sat on his table had to be no more than 18, but there was a weight on his shoulders that aged him somehow. Despite the war wounds decorating his skull, he hadn't taken his eyes off the hallway, fidgeting to get a look whenever he could at the blonde girl who'd been pacing a hole in the tiles since he was brought in.

"I hate to ask but…are you sure that's what happened here, Pete?"

The man in question quirked an eyebrow, wincing slightly when it pulled at the small cut above it.

"I'm sure that if I was gonna make up a lie to cover some dodgy criminal activity, getting mugged while eating a hot dog with my girlfriend wouldn't be my go-to," he smirked.

Dr Hilliarde laughed, pushing his tongue into the side of his cheek as he fell back in his chair, rolling over to the table where Pete's medical chart lay. He'd been admitted to hospital six times in the last eight years alone. Broken ribs. Wrist fracture. Two bouts of concussion. Stitches.

It didn't take a genius to work out that whatever this kid was going through, it wasn't a case of token childhood cuts and grazes.

"Well, if that's the case," Dr Hilliarde gestured grandly to the door. "Feel free to leave. Just keep an eye on the head. Any dizziness, any blackouts, anything that doesn't feel right…you come straight back here."

"Cheers, doc," Pete snagged the box of painkillers on the table and sighed, more than ready to take a handful of them and go home to bed.

So much for the perfect night of just being a normal teenager, he thought with a snort, recalling Poppy's earlier plea to him.

"Mr Dunham?"

Pete turned, meeting the gaze of the young doctor and waiting for another warning. Every time his mum had had to take him to hospital after a beating from his father, he'd been asked the same questions. Are you safe if we let you go? Is there anything you aren't telling us? He'd wanted to think that having turned 18, those questions would vanish into the ether but apparently not.

"You forgot these,"

Pete felt a blush he prayed the doctor couldn't see creep up his neck as he shuffled forward to take the crumped and blood splattered papers from his hand.

"Yeah, I uh…"

"Teaching, huh?" Dr Hilliarde grinned. "Good for you."

Pete frowned, preparing to throw something equally sarcastic back at him until he glanced up and realised his eyes were genuine.

"I don't think I figured out what I wanted to do with my life until I was 25," he gestured to the PGCE papers in the young man's hands and grinned. "It's a rare thing to have it all sussed out at 18. To know which road you want to take,"

Pete almost laughed out loud. If only the guy knew the crossroads he was stood at. Casting a lightning-fast glance out into hallway where he could see Allie still pacing, her brow furrowed in worry, chewing on the end of a strand of her hair – something she only did when she was stressed. He knew the life he could have with her, the man he could be.

But he also knew that Steve needed him. Pat needed him. They were relying on him to be someone. To keep the fires of the GSE burning.

What he didn't know was how those two worlds would come together or if they even could.

"It's horse shit though, ain't it?" Pete smirked at the doctors surprised look. "Having a plan. I mean, I could tell you I wanna be an astronaut. But it doesn't mean I will be. Those papers…they're just a pipe dream. Really, doc, who actually ends up where they wanna be?"

Dr Hilliarde nodded slowly, feeling his chest clench as he looked at the young man in front of him. Yeah, there was a weight on those shoulders, alright.

"Maybe it's not about where you end up," he shrugged. "Maybe it's about who you let yourself become along the way. Maybe it's about believing in yourself and letting yourself try. That's all any of us can really, do Pete."

Pete smiled tightly at him, lifting the papers in a mock salute and turning on his heel to walk out of the room, stopping briefly to glance at the doctor, noting he hadn't moved, still staring at him concern.

"Thank you," he nodded.

"Watch those stiches," Dr Hilliarde tapped his own eyebrow for emphasis. "And go easy on yourself, Pete. You've got all the time in the world."

Nodding his thanks again, he pulled the door open and stepped out into the chaos of the hallway, expecting Allie to leap at him and throw her arms around his neck.

"Wrong blonde," he muttered to himself before clearing his throat and drawing Steve Dunham's eyes up from the crumpled newspaper he was ready. "Didn't know you could read, bruv." He smirked. "Colour me amazed,"

"And here I was hoping this might be the one knock to the head that alters your personality and makes you less of a twat," Steve rolled his eyes, throwing the paper onto the chair next to him and standing.

He took quick stock of the state of his little brother and tried to swallow the anger building up in his chest. It was raw, hot rage, like an acid climbing his gullet. Yet another incident of Pete paying the price of being Michael Dunham's son. The phone call from Allie hadn't come as much of a shock. Word travelled fast in their world and the news of Tommy Hatcher knocking seven shades out of a Dunham had led Steve to racing across London, stopping only when he noted Allie was phoning him for the ninth time.

His anger subsided slightly when he caught Pete looking around the hallway, his bright blue eyes clouded with worry.

"I sent 'er to get us some decent coffee," he gestured to the vending machine behind him. "You were in there for ages and that stuff tastes like hangover piss,"

"Is she alright?" Pete pressed.

Allie hadn't said much in the ambulance, just held his hand in a vice like grip and stared down at him, her deep emerald eyes totally unreadable for the first time in the 11 years he'd known her. He knew she'd have questions…what he didn't know was how the hell to answer them.

"If you're asking me if I filled her in on what's happening, the answer is no," Steve shook his head grimly. "But our girl ain't stupid, Pete. She's gonna figure it out."

"No fucking way," Pete snapped. "As far as Allie's concerned, this was just a fluke…some drunk old boy Dad used to know out to prove a point."

"Pete, she told me what Tommy said to you," Steve snorted. "She heard every fucking word. The worst thing you can do right now is let her imagination fill in the blanks."

Pete looked at his brother in complete disbelief, shaking his head and letting out a quiet, bitter laugh.

"You're actually serious, aren't you?" he scoffed. "You want me to sit her down and tell her about the firm, about dad? And you think she'll what exactly, tell me not to worry about it? Tell me every family has their issues and go back to normal?"

"I think we both know she loves you," Steve countered. "And I think if you don't at least give her the chance to hear this from you, you're risking losing her."

"And you reckon she'll want to stick around when she knows the truth, do you?" Pete snapped. "She'll run a fuckin' mile,"

"Maybe she will, maybe she won't," Steve shrugged. "But you've got to give her that choice, mate. The other option is to lie to her face every day and something tells me that'll put you in the ground long before Hatcher has the chance to."

Pete shook his head and stared at the floor, the muscles in his neck tensing as he glared at the spots of his own blood decorating his trainers.

"I can't lose her, Steve," he practically whispered. "I won't."

"I know mate," his brother clapped a hand onto his shoulder and sighed. "But if you're serious about this shit with the GSE…you can't leave her in the dark. It's not fair."

Pete met his brother's eyes and wanted to snap at him. To scream in his face that he had no idea what he was talking about because he didn't have anyone like Pete had Allie. But he couldn't, all he could do was nod and pray to whatever the hell God there was that the truth wouldn't be the end of the best thing in his life.

Allie Harding let out a long, harsh breath, inwardly cursing her shaking hands as they fumbled with the lock on Pete's front door. The car ride home from the hospital had been tense, despite Steve and Pete trying for normalcy with forced brotherly banter. It had made Allie's teeth ache, her stomach twisting in knots as the three of them danced awkwardly around the subject at hand.

Finally, the lock gave way and she pushed through into the hallway.

"Pat?" she called immediately.

"Allie, wait," Pete snapped, reaching for her elbow and missing her entirely as she stormed down the hallway.

He knew what she was doing. If anyone was going to give her the truth, it would be Pat Dunham. He loved her like a daughter and after everything that had happened the last few weeks, he knew the dangers of secrecy. He wouldn't deny her the truth, no matter how ugly it was.

Pete picked up his pace, trying to ignore the way the walls seemed to be moving as he rounded the hallway into the kitchen and saw her stood rigidly, a small note in her delicate fingers.

"He's gone out," she mumbled, sticking the note back onto the fridge, not making a move to turn back around and face her boyfriend. "That's good,"

"Yeah," Pete countered, trying to keep his voice light. "After being stuck in 'ere all this time, it's good to know he's –"

"I need you to start talking," Allie spoke, her usually gentle voice taking on an edge Pete wasn't sure he'd heard before.

He watched as she yanked one of the kitchen stools out from the breakfast bar and slid onto it, her eyes never leaving his, the emerald depths hard and challenging. Ready for a fight.

"And what I need from you more than anything is honesty," the clasped her hands together as though in prayer. "Because after today…after everything that's happened these past few weeks, I can't take any more lies."

Allie bit her lip, hating herself when she felt the sting of tears in her eyes. She needed to keep it together through this.

"I get that you've had a rough upbringing," she shook her head, noting Pete was looking anywhere but at her. "But this isn't that. This is way beyond that…and I need you to let me in,"

"I can't," Pete breathed, his voice cracking as he met her eyes and tried to remember a moment in his life when he'd hated himself this much. "Allie…"

"If you don't tell me, I'll go to Steve and if he won't tell me, I'll go to Pat," she shrugged. "I'm not asking you, Pete. But what I am doing is giving you the chance to be the one who tells me what's happening. That's the only deal I'm willing to cut here."

And there it was. Stalemate. Pete knew she was too smart to be fooled, to look the other way. And why should she? That day in the garden when he'd kissed her for the first time, he'd promised her he would never hurt her. And she had given herself to him, body and soul, hoping for happiness. And here he was, bringing her nothing but death and destruction.

A true Dunham man.

Pulling out the seat opposite her, Pete sat down warily. He could feel her eyes on him, probing and dangerous. Trying to remember what Steve had told him in the hallway, he weighed up what versions of the truth he could give her that wouldn't make her run a mile. How was he supposed to tell her who he really was and expect her to stay? To love him?

"My old man, he uh…he wasn't just a monster at home." Pete spoke quietly, his eyes finally landing on hers and making Allie's breath hitch. "Before me and Steve came along, he was into some dangerous shit. He started a firm,"

"A firm?" Allie frowned. "I'm guessing we're not talking legal?"

Pete snorted and shook his head.

"Not in any sense of the word, nah," he rubbed the back of his head tiredly. "Firms are based around football teams. It's innocent enough if you let be, just a group of lads going to the game, you might goad the other team, talk a bit of shit but…that's it. Only that wasn't enough for Michael Dunham. The man needs violence to live."

Allie sat up straighter and tucked her hair behind her ears, clearing her throat as she tried to figure out where Pete was going with this. How did this have anything to do with Nancy or with what happened today?

"Allie…" Pete leant forward and took her hands in his own, his heart breaking when he felt the tremors running through them. "Please let's just leave it…I'm begging you. I don't want you involved with this,"

"Do you love me?"

The question caught him off guard and he blinked as though not understanding what she'd said. How could she ask him that?

"Do you see us having a future together?" she shook her head. "Because if the answer to those questions is 'yes', then no, we can't leave it. I love you more than I thought it was possible to love anyone or anything. The good, the bad and the ugly, right?"

She smiled gently, reminding him of the words he'd said to her just a few weeks ago when they had been petrified of each other, of taking this step.

"I'm not going anywhere," Allie told him firmly. "I promise."

Pete Dunham glanced down at their hands for a short moment, his eyes filling with tears as his chest heaved, trying to keep the urge to scream inside. He wanted to run, to tell her to run, to beg her to lay down with him and wake up to a new day where none of this mattered. Where none of it was true.

But he didn't. He started talking. He went from the beginning, letting the tears, the venom, the anguish, all of it spill out into the silence around them. Night had fallen by the time he was finished.

Pete woke with a start, his heart hammering in his chest as he fought to adjust his eyes to the darkness. After hours of talking, Allie hadn't said anything. Instead, she'd taken his head and led him to his bedroom where she silently undressed him and lay him down just as she had the night of the fire.

He'd never taken his eyes off of her face, petrified that for the first time in 11 years, he couldn't read her. She was so calm, so quiet. So un-Allie-like. He'd only managed to utter a single word to her.

"Stay."

It was a plea, not a request. Please don't leave me, please don't hate me, please don't look at me differently.

Turning his head, he felt his stomach clench. Her side of the bed lay empty, the pillow plumped and comforter pulled up, erasing any evidence she had even been there in the first place. Pete clenched his jaw and squeezed his eyes shut, a pain unlike anything he'd ever known sweeping through his body.

She was gone. Steve had been wrong, Allie Harding did have the sense to walk away. And there was nothing he could do about it.

"You look better,"

Pete's head snapped around, immediately zoning in on the small blonde perched in the window seat, some crumpled papers on her knees as she sat nestled in one of his sweatshirts.

"Allie," he burst out, his breath harsh. He knew he was grinning, that his eyes were wide as saucers but he saw no point in trying to disguise his desperation and relief. She had stayed.

"You never told me about this," she held up one of the papers she was reading and Pete swallowed, knowing they were his PGCE course leaflets.

"Mr Bale was on about it before we broke up for exams," he cleared his throat. "It's just to shut 'im up, really. I'd be a shite teacher,"

Allie smiled softly, almost sadly as she shook her head and turned back to the papers, sifting through him before reading aloud.

"I suppose the reason I want to be a teacher is to make sure kids get the chances I didn't. The chance to feel supported, believed in and encouraged to not just pursue their dreams but to be who they are, unapologetically and unafraid."

She met his eyes for the first time since he'd woken and he felt his breath hitch. God, his girl was beautiful.

"Those aren't the words of someone who's writing something just to shut up their teacher," she shook her head. "Those are the words of the man I fell in love with. The man I know you are."

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Allie stood and walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge and not allowing herself even a lightning-fast glance at Pete's body. She needed to keep focus here and trauma or no, Pete Dunham shirtless was enough to stop any red-blooded woman in their tracks.

"I didn't sleep after we got into bed," she mumbled softly. "I couldn't. My head was racing and everything you told me…" she took a deep shuddering breath. "I was trying to make sense of it and I couldn't. I don't know how."

Her voice broke and she met Pete's eyes, seeing the ache in them and knowing it mirrored her own.

"I don't know why your Dad is the way the he is, I don't know why Nancy had to die," she sobbed quietly. "I don't know why you feel you have to play some part in this mess and I am petrified and I mean petrified that I'm going to lose you to it somehow."

"Allie," Pete whispered, sitting up and leaning his forehead against hers, his eyes boring into her own through the gold curtain of her hair. "I'm sor-…"

"But through all of it," Allie placed her thumb over his lips, silencing him. "There was only one thing I could make sense of and that's us. I am so in love with you. Nothing will ever change that, ever. I don't hold you accountable for your Dad's actions…or even Pat's or Steve's. I just need you to love me."

"The last time we were here, do you remember what I promised you?" Pete shook his head, reaching up to brush the hair from her eyes and finding himself in awe of how beautiful she was. "I promised you that I would be a man who was enough to be with you. None of what I've told you changes that."

"So, where do we go from here?" Allie asked him, biting her lip and hating the uncertainty in her voice.

Pete pulled back from her, his hands cupping her face as he smiled crookedly.

"Well, I happen to have it on good authority that the roof of this place is pretty banging spot to watch the stars," he lowered his voice. "Some bird told me that,"

"Oh, really?" Allie quirked an eyebrow, unable to stop herself from beaming back at him.

"Yeah, but she ended up tearing my clothes off so I reckon it was just a dirty seduction tactic, to be honest," he grinned, his body feeling lighter as her laughter filled the room.

"I did not tear your clothes off!" she slapped his shoulder. "I vigorously removed them,"

"Hey, I'm not complaining," Pete laughed. "If anything, I'm taking a leaf out of your book. If it worked for you, it should work on you,"

He stood up and pulled her with him, wrapping his arms around her body and letting out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

They stared at each other for the longest time, neither moving as if afraid to disturb the world around them. Allie traced his features, smiling softly as he kissed her fingers when they passed his lips.

"There's a window," she whispered, so focused on his bright blue eyes that his laughter made her jump.

"You what?" Pete grinned. "I thought I was the one with the head injury."

"I mean, there's a window," she rolled her eyes, using her hand to pull his face around. "And I can see the stars from it."

Before he could utter another word, Allie reached down and pulled off the sweatshirt of his that she was wearing, making Pete's heart thump almost painfully in his chest when he saw she had nothing on underneath. Since they had first been together, his world had been nothing but blood, death and darkness but that didn't mean he didn't remember it. God, did he remember it. The feel of her body under his, the softness of her skin, the pure perfection of moving within her, of knowing she was his and his only.

"Tell me everything will be ok," Allie whispered shakily. "Tell me you love and that everything is going to be ok."

Pete shook his head in disbelief that this was finally happening again, that she was his, that even though she knew the truth, she was staying. Skimming his hands down her sides and feeling her shiver against him, he reached the buttons on her jeans and undid them slowly, making her moan softly as his fingers found her stomach and then lower, pulling the material down her legs as he gazed up at her.

"I love you," he told her, standing once more and pulling her to him, his hands moulding themselves to her perfect curves as his lips found the side of her neck. "And I promise you, everything will ok from now on."

"I'm not going anywhere," he whispered against her lips.

With those words, any delicacy seemed to evaporate and they were against one another, their mouths hard and demanding as they fell into the sheets. Clothes lay in heaps around the bed, the starlight pouring in from the outside bathing them in a silvery light as Pete pinned Allie's hand against the pillow, his mouth on her neck, his body joining with hers.

Everything would be ok. It had to be. He'd promised her the truth – he just couldn't shake the feeling that he'd somehow told her a lie.