A/N: my first ( published ;) ) one-shot featuring the absolutely wonderful ( unnamed ) Ms OC Cullen. Just a silly little 1920s story about Esme, Edward, Carlisle, OC, and the young lady's very unlucky date.

This is just a silly little story made to amuse, that I wrote in a frenzy, not to pat myself on the back but January 7th, 1938 was actually a Friday ( I did my research ) and I wrote this on a Friday so it works. Sort of WWDITS inspired. PS: listen to prom song gone wrong by Lana Del Rey because I feel like OC would like Lana's music.

Warning to sensitive readers, this story turned out a liiittllee morbid ( at times ) and

features some bad language. Reader discretion is advised :)

Dear diary.

January 7th, 1938

Me, Edward, Rosalie, and Emmett just started going to a new school this week and the principal asked about our family. I, becoming a bit anxious at this question, answered that we were just a normal, no weirder than the average American Joe family, and this brought back a memory of a not-so-normal thing that happened to us a couple of years ago.

I haven't written about this so I thought, no time like the present...

Hmph, I grunted loudly as I watched the remains of what had been my wonderful first date burn in the bonfire.

Everything had gone exactly as planned until Esme ruined everything.

A few weeks ago a gorgeous young man by the name of Arthur Gladys had asked me out on a date, I wasn't too keen at first because Arthur was a well-known player, but boy did he deliver.

First, he took me to a nice little cafe ( I couldn't eat anything, but it's the thought that counts ) and after we went to see a picture.

How romantic. After all that, I of course had to repay him... So I took him back to mine and I was about to show him a very good time until my leech of a mother decided to drink him like he was a Singapore sling.

She wasn't even supposed to be there, but that little minx had decided that nothing in the forest suited her expensive taste and she returned early from her hunt.

And before poor Arthur could blink, she had latched on to him and started drinking for dear life.

And now all he is is a sexy pair of glasses and a tweed jacket.

Sigh, Why do bad things only happen to me?

"Maybe because you decided that it was a great idea to bring your new boyfriend to a newborn vampire's house," my annoying brother said, appearing suddenly

"He wasn't my boyfriend, we hadn't gotten to that stage yet. Mother certainly made sure of that" I snarled

That last part wasn't really necessary but she just killed the first boy who had caught my fancy in almost 20 years, she deserved to hurt a little.

"Don't be bitchy, she feels bad enough"

"Bullshit, she'll get over it, I on the other hand might never"

"You're so dramatic, you didn't even like him" he accused

"Yeah, I did! We were probably going to get married, we knew and understood each other"

I leaned backward and threw my hand to my forehead in a dramatic pose.

Edward simply rolled his eyes in response.

"Since you know him so well, what's his middle name?"

"Pfft, middle name? Who knows anyone's middle name" I said, he's just grasping at straws now

"Esme's is Anne, Carlisle doesn't have one and yours is Eileen"

Lucky guess ( or guesses ).

Suddenly, amid my brooding, the backyard was filled with the familiar buzzing of my father's car engine.

I quickly stood up and hurried to meet him in the living room.

If anyone could make Esme pay it would be him. And by pay, I don't mean kill her or anything ( come on, she's still my mother ) but perhaps she could be... I don't know, punished in some way.

But before I could tell him what naughty things his wife had been up to he started talking

"I saw the bonfire, what's going on here?"

"Well sir, your little newborn decided to kill my date. Yep, just straight up kill him, and mind you he hadn't even done anything! He even wiped his feet on the mat before entering" I proclaimed without taking even a single breath

Carlisle raised an eyebrow at my confession

"You had a boy here, young lady?"

God he could be infuriating I thought angrily, out of all the times to play protective human father he chose this moment.

"Yes, yes, yes but you're focusing on the wrong thing here, your wife just sucked my date like she was an infant and he was a lactating mother, sucked him dry."

"We'll talk about that in a moment," he said sternly before taking notice of a shy figure in the doorway

"What a huge mess I caused..."

Esme.

"Yes, a very huge mess you caused," I answered, causing Edward to slap my arm in an attempt to shut me up

"It's not your fault, Esme, she shouldn't have had a human here, especially not a human boy. She knows better" Carlisle said, now hugging her

"I'm very sorry, honey" She pulled away from her husband and directed an apology toward me

Ugh. Well since I'm not completely devoid of compassion I obviously had to forgive her. It's not like I hadn't sunk my teeth in any cuties.

"Fine. I forgive you," I said reluctantly, "Just do me a favor"

Her eyes lit up in surprise at me forgiving her so easily, I had expected this reaction since I was usually known to hold grudges... oops.

"Of course"

"Don't kill any more of my friends and... Tell me what he tasted like"

Now usually, people didn't like retelling what their victims tasted like, but since I hadn't gotten a chance to even give him a peck she owed me this.

"I hardly think that's appropriate ..." Carlisle began before being interrupted

"He tasted sort of sweet... like figs and honey with a slight hint of woodsy"

"That sounds like it could be a good candle scent" Edward chimed in, chuckling as he did

"Yes, they could name it 'dead boyfriend'" I added my input

I was now laughing a little as well

"That's not funny," Carlisle said, trying to hide his amusement.

So that's the story of the first ( and last ) time I brought a boy home, funny, right?

While I stood there, in front of the principal trying to act all innocent and girl-next-door-ish, I couldn't help but be reminded of this quirky little story. And the only thought that flew through my head was

What a horribly macabre thing to happen to a perfectly normal family.

-Ms. OC Cullen