Monday 24th July 2006, Milan, Italy
"We were doing very well on the tour of Europe, people were clapping, I was signing lots of T-shirts, it wasalways very busy, we had full houses very easily, which I realised was breaking the bubble, I wasn't just asuccess in the UK, the continent knew me too and it was about to become a worldwide success because ofthat, The performances were marvellous, but one of them was making Croix very apprehensive, although inthe days that passed she knew she wouldn't be noticed, the fear still consumed her, since we wereapproaching Italy, getting very close to her hometown, which could spring some unpleasant surprises."
Wow, we got here so fast, we've barely left Vienna and we're already here, I didn't even realise, I slept the whole way, I look around and we're already on the outskirts, what I see is Croix just glued to the window, as if some monster was on the other side, I quickly prepare a chocolate milk for her and one for me, I hand a mug to my girlfriend and I drink one, while we watch the landscape.
"I never thought I'd go back to this place, to this country, my fear of seeing them in a certain way has returned" Poor thing, I know it must be very hard for her to face that.
"They won't, I'm sure of it, as you said we're even in another city, the chance of them seeing you here is very small, I'm here with you love, we're together, no one will shake you" I say holding Meridies' hand, which makes her less nervous.
"I really hope you're right about this, because it would be a huge trigger if they turned up, I don't know how I'd react, I'd be a coward, I'd run away and be scared, I still have some traumas related to them, the hostile reaction I always got from my parents..." I keep caressing her my cute girlfriend.
"I understand you completely, I was very tense when we passed through France, I even had to lie about my father being a good person, but it's a completely different story, apart from the fact that your parents can't take you, you're almost 18 and you're legally Mrs Jordan's daughter" I'll try to comfort you, with all the love I can give in this world.
She's keeping a little quiet, but I can see that she's calming down a little, it can't be easy to deal with a situation like this, I don't really know what it must be like, but I wouldn't like it very much either, for her it must be a series of things falling and falling, well let's take the time to eat and rest, Wednesday I'm going to start doing the shows here in Italy, there will be two of them, one here in Milan and the other in Rome, I'll try not to sleep this time just to see the scenery when I'm on the bus.
I grab a few more things to eat and rest too, we've arrived in the morning and so far Alan hasn't appeared, which is just as well, I'm sure he's enjoying his time at his marvellous hotel.
[...]
It's afternoon, it's good that Croix has calmed down a bit by playing, I decided not to rehearse for now to help my girlfriend's head, who had already done a good job of publicising me on social media, I don't understand much, but I know that this was one of the things that helped boost my career.
We hear a noise from the door, I'm sure it's Alan who's finally shown up, he looks at us and he's going to give me a job for now I'm sure, just by the boxes I can tell, and off we go having to sign t-shirts, I even roll my eyes and stop playing.
"Very well, we've arrived in Italy, now we're going to start making preparations to start marketing here, I've made special editions of your presentation of Italy at Croix's request, for today it's an exclusive day where you'll be able to get autographs and we're going to make a point of taking the four eyes with you, she's our Italian, just give this girl a makeover, make her look more decent, dressing like this weird nerd will scare away the clientele" Said my manager.
"What if I don't want to? I shouldn't be forced to do what I don't want to" said my girlfriend.
"You won't, simple, the extra money I pay you for all this service you do is vital for our progress, besides if you want to create a better image for your girlfriend I think it's better to participate, or do you want to harm her because of your narcissistic desires? Then I think you should dress more decently, I don't know what Shiny Chariot saw in you, I'm sure it must be your money or something else, because I don't understand, I would never go out with a woman like you" said Alan as he left and I saw only Croix clenching his fists and banging on the table.
"Damn! I hate it! Ugh... I'm really going to have to dress in a way I don't like, but I don't think there's any way" said my Meridies.
"Hey love, you don't have to go, I don't care what that Alan guy says, you're beautiful Croix, you're marvellous, you don't have to force yourself into anything" I say to her who knocks on the table again.
"Enough! If that's what he wants, then that's what he'll get, I'll dress differently, I never thought I'd have to, but I think I'll have to put in contact lenses, let's get changed Chariot, let him swallow his words" Said my girlfriend who was very sorry.
We go to the wardrobe, I take the opportunity to pick up my Shiny Chariot outfit and well, luckily I'm with my girlfriend so I'm not too embarrassed to change, which I do right there, also seeing my Croix picking up a dress and taking off her glasses, it's a totally different view of her with glasses, she also has her beauty that way.
I manage to put on my Shiny Chariot outfit, she asks me to help her put on a dress and it really looks beautiful, which I help her with since she can't reach the zip at the back, but I get there without any problems, the dress fits her very well, which I help her with more, putting on make-up, I'm going to make this beautiful Italian woman look so beautiful that people will admire her beauty, as well as making her hair the way she wants it and thinks it's best.
"Wow, love, I'm not getting too bad, I just hope I only have to do this today" said my girlfriend.
"I hope so too, I don't want to see Alan carrying on with a joke like this" I say as I go, being all affectionate.
"Well, nothing could get worse than this" said my Croix.
That's for sure, as I finished dressing up my beautiful girlfriend, I could see that she didn't look bad at all, she's a beautiful Italian, I'm sure the public will come for more, unfortunately, I hope they don't disturb my girlfriend, now let's go, we're good, just get out of here, I'm going with her, first of all we held hands and had a brief kiss.
We took a deep breath and made our way to the seats, at which point Croix and I stood right where the table with the T-shirts was, kind of serving as an advertisement, and then Alan came up to us.
"That's what I meant, look how much better you look than that four-eyed thing, people won't stop staring at you, your beauty will attract business attention like that" He just stared at my girlfriend and even at her cleavage.
"Don't get bored, let's get on with it, after all it's good for work, don't you want to make money?" He opened the way straight away and a shower of Italian fans poured in.
Well, it's time to get to work, and I've already started signing the T-shirts and Croix has been translating what everyone is saying and asking for, even though there's a price tag and these T-shirts are absurdly expensive, 30 euros for one of these, the whole autograph package costs 100 with all that included, and I'm doing just that, starting to pick up some packages, with Croix by my side translating what they're saying.
It's a good thing because I understand almost no Italian, but she's doing well and that's a good thing, we're selling things quickly, the money is coming in and out, we're filling the boxes around here, that's less bad, and we've got security too.
[...]
This is exhausting and a bit tiring, I see that Croix and I are even on automatic, having to get the T-shirts, I still have to take the photos, I see that the queue is still half full, until I see three people with hair similar to Croix's, this is really suspicious, is it? By the nine witches and if that's it... I'll come back from taking the photo and go to my seat.
And we continue signing the T-shirts, taking the money, but they get really close and I can see that Croix's reaction is that of someone who froze on the spot, staring those people right in the face, they're much more alike than I thought.
"[Croix's old name] What are you doing here?" Her father asks, and all I see is her getting up from her chair and running out of there.
The parents follow her, she tries to run, not towards the bus but towards the forest, I keep hearing her dead name over and over again and it really bothers me, the little girl follows me and she's just a child, I even hold her hand to follow my girlfriend's parents.
They keep calling out to her, who must be hiding in the forest, so they stop a little to walk more slowly and keep shouting her false name, it's really annoying, I see the little girl and she's scared.
"Hey little girl, what's your name?" I ask her and she looks confused. I forget, she doesn't speak English, we're in Italy.
"My name is Giulia" she understood how marvellous it is that I smile in front of her, but my concern is for her parents.
"Hey, what are you doing with our daughter?" They spoke English clearly, that's bizarre, well I think they are going to be pretty bad with Croix now.
"You who abandoned her to run after your eldest daughter" I retort to both of them and the little girl goes to her parents.
"Eldest daughter? That's [Croix's dead name], I can't believe our man's spoilt himself like that" Her father really came in for the rough stuff.
"What's he doing with you at his gigs? At least he's got a decent job, although being a man in a dress isn't decent at all, now he's hiding there like a coward, instead of being a man and coming here to stand up to his real parents, he stays there with that blonde woman, look what that paedophile did to our boy, now he's this deformity" I'm clenching my fists in anger.
"Have more respect for Croix, she's happy the way she is, why do you have to keep upsetting your daughter? Is that really parental love?" They only get more upset, just because they can't give her at least a minimum respect, it's like they are going to get killed just ot call her by Croix.
"And who are you to understand anything we've been through? Ah now I get it, Shiny Chariot is our son's friend, that makes sense, you're just another one of those who keep affirming the illusion and lie of what he really is, I didn't know I was going to the presentation of someone who allows this kind of degeneration, who would have thought that it's not just April Jordan who is a paedophile" I've seen my girlfriend's parents leaving the little girl further behind.
"I'm underage! I'm 16! Have more respect and decency before you throw unfounded accusations at me, she ran away from home because she's been abused by you, it's better that she left because you're a bunch of narcissists, she doesn't deserve the parents she has, it's not for nothing that Mrs Jordan is her real mother" I say facing her.
"We're not going to your gigs anymore little girl, we know the truth about your rottenness, you're going to say that you're just like [Croix's dead name], although you don't even look like it, unless that Jordan girl must have intoxicated you with those synthetic hormones" said her father.
"She doesn't look like one, even though she's a bit tall, it's just the boot, she doesn't have the lump in her throat, her shoulders are a lot less broad, I don't know about that, well anyway we're not leaving here without talking to him" I'm swallowing my saliva when she comes over and gives me her hand, I'm so silly.
"Here I am, I'm not going to chicken out and let you say things about my girlfriend" I'm a bit embarrassed, I hope nobody's listening.
The surprise takes over everywhere, the woods become a silent wind, the little girl gets scared, her parents are shocked, then she comes up to me and kisses me, I just let the moment unfold, and after the kiss the parents even cover the little girl's face, so it seems that they perceive Croix as a woman, if they cover their faces it's because they don't want to see a homosexual kiss, you can tell just by the way they are with me.
"And then you'll be disgusted, why did you cover Giulia's face? She doesn't need to be ashamed of her big sister" said my girlfriend.
"Shut up [Croix's dead name], you're a coward, you denied all your masculinity to live an illusion, look at the atrocity you've become, have you ever looked in the mirror? You'll never be a woman, you're just a freak" said her father and I was already feeling angry, but I saw my Croix very calm.
"Is that what they're going to teach Giulia? Are you going to impose prejudice on her? You tried to do that to me and look where I am, I ran away from home and I am who I am, if you do it again to Giulia she'll grow up and leave you alone, in the end it's not like you love us, you love what you want us to be" Wow, she really touched a nerve.
"And that's wrong? Children have an obligation to make their parents proud, you were still ungrateful after everything, we gave you food, we gave you a house, we gave you clothes, all so you could run off with that stranger" said my mum.
"Of course they gave it to me, if they didn't you'd go to jail, it's more than your obligation to give your daughters the minimum, my real mother never treated me like that, she was never a narcissist, I can be whoever I want to be, as long as I'm happy being that way, she cares about me, you only care about your image, you just want to look good in the end so that you can be seen by other families and say that you're more successful than others, that's futile, that's stupid, I remember you used to say that about my grades at school and my genius with electronics, but when I decided to be who I am, you changed the narrative, today I understand that in reality you're a bunch of narcissists and Giulia won't be long in realising that and when she gets the chance, she'll leave the house" They're even getting angry, Croix was right here.
"No more! Enough! Then get on with your shitty life! Go support your girlfriend, or boyfriend, whatever that thing is, we're not going to let our girl anywhere near Shiny Chariot's stuff anymore, we already know she's got a bad reputation" said her father and damn they're such a pain for Croix, April is really leagues ahead of them.
"Apparently we've had yet another disappointment, we thought our boy would finally realise what a man he could be, but he's still stuck on this idea of being a woman, I think it must have been April Jordan's intoxication and indoctrination in his head, apparently we've really lost our son to this idea of transsexualism, we don't have to be angry about it Antonio, he's already a lost cause, we have to be sad for the death of this being, there's no way we can call this our son, The brainwashing has already made him into something else, his body is also intoxicated with these synthetic hormones, all we can do is hope that one day he'll repent and wake up to reality, goodbye Croix, there's no way you can be referred to by any other name if that's what you prefer to be called, I'll always remember the aberration you've become and that will always be in my mind the name of a monster, a monster who consumed our son" Ugh, what a bunch of disturbed people.
I can see them crying, it's disgusting, they just walk off as if nothing had happened, as if they hadn't said such an absurd thing, I can even see on my girlfriend's face that her make-up is a bit smudged, she really cried at that, it must have shaken her in so many ways, to think that this little girl who is a fan of mine is going to have to repress herself now because of that.
I walk with her to the bus and there I try to console her, but it's a very difficult time, soon the door opens and of course Alan has to show up, all I see is my girlfriend sad and this arsehole still wants to make a profit.
"What was that all about? Did they jeopardise the whole performance for your departure?" Alan asks.
"Croix isn't well, can't you see she's been through a very difficult time?" I say to him, imposing myself.
"And with that, your work can't be done on the cheap, I've taken a break and people still want to buy your T-shirts, come on get back to work, I don't want to make a loss, you'll be thinking about this embarrassment, the four eyes can stay there crying, you have to go to work" said my manager and I clenched my fists, but my girlfriend held my hand.
"Go on, love, go to work and earn that money for that idiot, I need some time alone, I'll be fine" said my Croix and I took a deep breath.
"You heard your girlfriend, come on Shiny Chariot!" I look pretty angry, but I'm not going to build it up by laying a hand on my manager, even though he deserves it.
I'm getting off the bus, after giving my girlfriend a kiss, which I take a deep breath for, I'm getting out of there, going back to work, seeing the queue I was in and everyone had an expression that they were fed up, but well, it's not my fault, if they saw what happened they'd know they shouldn't have pulled me into work.
And come on, he's even brought in a random Italian woman to be Croix's replacement, no doubt he wants to make it more appealing for adults to want to buy things, I get a bit disgusted, it's always like that, always having to be pushed into doing it, I hope at least my girlfriend is okay, I only think about her anyway.
[...]
I've finished my work here, I've spent hours signing autographs, I can't stand it any longer, all for money that won't even be mine, so I get back on the bus and see my girlfriend looking the same as always, with the white coat I gave her for Christmas, her glasses, her hair all down, she looks at me all smiles, I smile back and run to hug her, getting a bit tearful.
"Oh Chariot, you don't have to cry, I'm better now, all that stuff about my parents is over, let them go about their business thinking whatever, I don't care, I'm happy just the way I am, with my wonderful girlfriend, getting prettier every day, getting more comfortable with myself every day, even wearing a dress, I never thought, but it wasn't bad wearing a dress, I was afraid I'd wear it and look like a block, but no, I finally have a body to wear a dress Chariot, I'm not a block anymore" She really isn't as shaken as I was.
"You're strong too Croix, I was about to shove your dad's face into the grass, but you made me keep my cool" I say to her who keeps laughing.
"I admit it would be very funny, but now you know what, at least I'm not scared of them anymore, I've seen that they no longer think I'm that boy from before, that I'm me, they can call me whatever, one day they'll swallow their words, we'll be a happy family and they won't, our children will experience something that we'll never experience, only the good part, you the part when you were adopted by Mrs McLaren and Mrs Cavendish and me living what I've been living since 2000 with my real mother, the real thing is that I've only been out of that woman's hole to be disturbed since I was born, from April Jordan I discovered what real maternal love is, I discovered what it's like to have a family, that I'm appreciated and you make me see that more, I love you Chariot" She hugged me and I continued to keep the hug.
"I love you too Croix and nothing will ever separate us, we'll always stick together, now let's put this silly fight aside, let's cook a bit together and forget all this nonsense your parents keep thinking about you, in the end they're jealous of your mum April, they never loved you the way she loved you" I say making her feel more comfortable.
I think that after all that, the tensions that came with it really helped to give me a relief, I even feel more emotional, she's very strong too, we start to pick things up straight away, together like this, making food, I think there's nothing better than that to calm the nerves after everything that's happened, life even gets better that way.
[...]
Wednesday 26 July 2006, Milan, Italy
Come on Chariot, these days have been very full, I don't know how I didn't break down in the middle after so many things that happened around here, I don't know how I didn't smoke, most importantly of all, I haven't really put a cigarette in my mouth since Berlin, I'm managing to hold back more.
Now I have to keep calm, I'm still going to do the show, it's a shame I feel bad, I've lost my first possible fan because of the prejudice of Croix's parents, which soon comes to my dressing room, with me already changed, the show will start soon.
"All set, love? Are you getting ready for the show?" She asks and I nod.
"I'm ready, I'm going to make this place rock, you can be sure Croix, I'm going to show that we've got everything" I say all smiles.
She signals to me and leaves, which means it's time to go to the stage, I get up, all dressed up, I go very slowly, getting close to the curtains, which I take a deep breath, I think now is the time to show Italy who Shiny Chariot is, I'm not going to let this failure show, the music starts playing and I'm not going to make a fool of myself, which means I get to do my cue, just what starts the performance.
The smoke comes over the stage and I appear, I make a point of flying the colours of the Italian flag from the trail of my broom, I even wave my hat giving that extra sparkle to the audience who clap for me.
"Welcome to the marvellous world of magic! I am Shiny Chariot! Your magic is believing in yourself!" I'm going to make my usual announcement and for the rest I'm going to make a very ordinary presentation, only with some Italian colours.
[...]
One more of these gigs comes to an end, I bow to the stage and everyone is clapping, lately the average attendance has gone up a lot, there isn't a gig of mine that doesn't have less than 20,000 people attending, especially as it's very cheap, I think that's what attracts so many people.
I go to the dressing room, where I see Alan clapping for me, I'm sure he's happy, this money will help him splash out more cash, he's a total prick, a scumbag, a thief, but unfortunately I'm dependent on this piece of shit.
"Look, you did very well today, after Monday's disaster you made up for it in this show, keep it up, let's not have any more disasters like this in Rome, Croix's presence was the worst mistake I made, your girlfriend is useless, she should remain a four-eyes, well in any case avoid telling the world that you have something with her, I don't want business to be jeopardised by your teenage adventure" said my manager as he left.
He's only interested in the money and he doesn't even hide it, it amazes me how this guy is still so calm, but just wait, when it's time for Croix to turn eighteen, she'll be able to be my manager and things will change completely.
Speaking of my beautiful girlfriend, she turned up in the dressing room too, came straight over to give me a hug and tell me I'd done well, that's really nice, I love this woman, at least someone here I know genuinely sees me as Chariot Du Nord
"As always you're marvellous, people are really falling for you, I see only positive comments coming in on your website, on youtube, on social networks, have you seen how many followers you have? It's becoming a big fever and best of all, it could give you a chance for the 2007 Shiny Chariot World Tour, I'm sure it will happen" I'm really hopeful.
"As soon as I turn 18 I'm going to see if I can get places for this tour, we're going to Japan and that's confirmed, mark my words Chariot, next year we're going to Japan and this performance is going to be unforgettable, I'm going to do everything to create the best effects - We're already coming up with some really good ones, people even think they're real.
"I look forward to it, you just make me more hopeful love, but now we have to worry about doing well in Europe, then there will be several smaller performances around the UK when school starts back... Ugh, just thinking about Luna Nova gives me so many thoughts, but now that I've got everything back I know I can achieve some new things, the teachers will be amazed at my improvement" I say confidently.
Then I go to change, putting on my casual clothes, but before I can start to take them off Alan arrives in my dressing room, and I almost end up taking my clothes off in front of him, and the bastard comes in here with a guy with a microphone, here come the television reports, I'm going to have to do interviews, my girlfriend leaves a bit forced and I go and sit down in my chair, taking a deep breath.
"We managed to get another quick interview for you Chariot, we're going to announce that our stop in Rome will be this Sunday and it's going to be perfect" said my manager.
"Oh, are you ready for this interview? We kind of know English, which might help, we'll put subtitles for what you say later, we just want to ask you a few questions" said the reporter.
"I've realised that, I'm ready for it, just film me and stay in your seats, I'll answer whatever you want" I say, pretending to be a bit willing, but honestly that's one of the parts I like the least.
And there we go, I thought I'd be free of this pressure for now, but it always comes with everything, I even look at Croix in the background looking at me too, with that worried expression, but it's the way, dance to the music, let it roll, smile and wave, so I show that I'm the witch who's going to change the world, I have to conform to the rules in the end, it's the right thing to do for now.
"And that was the very tense presentation in Milan, where I lost a fan of mine, Croix's younger sister, in fact Ifound out later from some sources that she is secretly a fan of mine, thanks to the conversations I had withher here in Luna Nova, she told me that she chats with her sister secretly on the internet and it seems thatthe girl is like her older sister, she likes girls, so much so that she's waiting to turn 18 soon and leave thathouse, which unfortunately won't be until next year, but well Croix's parents haven't improved at all, if youthink Daryl is bad it's because you're right, I don't think there are any people worse than Daryl, but Croix'sparents are pretty bad too.
See you, Italian witches...