Actually, I don't know why I wrote this story. I've been listening to the song "Don't Give Me Those Eyes" by James Blunt for ages now and I always wondered how a story to that would look. So maybe that's what inspired me. This surely is as heartbreaking and sad as the song, which you should definitely listen to! I took most of the plot from the lyrics. And here I need to mention that cheating is NOT okay, no matter what happens in this story. It's all made up and because of that song!
I don't own the characters or places!
The first time Tony Stark saw Steve Rogers, it was at the opening of an arts exhibition that was sponsored by Stark Industries. Actually, Tony hadn't wanted to go to the event in Las Vegas, but Pepper had forced him to do so, saying that he had to take care of finances for two months otherwise. He'd been on the plane in less than an hour after that, but still couldn't feel that much enthusiasm. He wasn't even sure why they were involved in this certain event. Normally, Pepper managed those things and also went to most of the galas and exhibitions. Tony only had to attend when it couldn't be prevented.
This time, however, he wasn't that disappointed anymore. At least not when he was standing in front of the tenth painting, trying not to fall asleep, and suddenly someone stepped next to him. "Impressive, isn't it? A little chaotic, maybe, but I think that's what makes this painting so charming. The colours are also cleverly chosen, with all the blue and red. A perfect contrast."
Tony looked at the man standing next to him then and it felt like his world stopped turning. Because he was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen. Tall, with pale skin, blond hair and blue eyes. Under his perfectly tailored suit, Tony could also see a muscular body. "It sounds like you have lots of experience when it comes to paintings." He said, not sure if he could trust his voice with anything else. Because this man was simply gorgeous. And it was common knowledge that Tony Stark had a weakness for beautiful men.
When the man in front of him suddenly blushed, Tony was gone. "I'm so sorry, I should introduce myself. Steve Rogers. I work at the museum from time to time." He held out his hand and Tony took it. Steve's grip was firm.
Tony smiled. "Tony Stark. Seems like I'm sponsoring this exhibition. Are you an artist, Mr. Rogers?"
The blush deepened. "Please, you can call me Steve. And yes, I'm also drawing and painting whenever possible. Not the easiest way to earn money, so that's why I'm also helping out here." When he mentioned his drawings, Steve's eyes lit up.
"Sounds like an interesting life." Tony replied and took another long look at the man in front of him. "Maybe you can show me around? Looking at all those pictures by myself is awfully boring, especially since I'm no expert when it comes to art."
Steve grinned. "It would be a pleasure, Mr. –"
"It's Tony." He interrupted him quickly and returned Steve's smile.
"Tony, then." Steve nodded slowly and cleared his throat, looking around. Surely already trying to figure out where to go next. The place was crowded.
It quickly turned out that Steve was a very nice person, always trying to help everyone around. When an old lady got lost in the museum, they made a short detour, bringing her to the cafeteria. And he also took time to explain things to others, even if he was walking around with Tony. On those occasions, he always threw him apologetic glances and Tony couldn't help but smile. Normally, he was an impatient man, but it was far too fascinating to watch Steve interact with others.
Steve also had a great sense of humour, one that could always make Tony laugh. At some point, they found themselves in the cafe of the museum and they sat there for a long time, talking about everything and nothing at all. Steve was just so nice and also smart, Tony couldn't find the will to say goodbye to him.
Which he should. He really, really should. Because otherwise, he might do something stupid. Like kissing Steve outside the museum, once the exhibition was over. Or taking him to his hotel room in Las Vegas.
Of course he did all that and Steve went along with it willingly. Apparently, he was just as fascinated by Tony as it was the other way around.
It was also a very bad idea because Tony Stark wasn't a single man. He was in a relationship. They were together for more than ten years by now.
They'd married three years ago.
Before he took Steve to bed, Tony took off his wedding ring and threw it into one of his bags, not caring where it landed in the slightest.
It was a natural process that people took interest in the private lives of famous people. What where they doing in their free time? What did they eat? Who were they meeting? Were they in a relationship and if so, with whom? Were they happy together? The list of questions was endless.
So when James Buchanan 'Bucky' Barnes got the lead role in a famous TV show and a movie franchise in the same year, the people went wild about his life. It was all over the internet and he even appeared on the news from time to time.
It turned out that Bucky Barnes was gay. Nothing that would cause a scandal these days, but it made his love life even more interesting. His mysterious love life, one had to add. Because it was common knowledge that he was dating someone, but names were never mentioned.
Until, one day, he was seen in Los Angeles together with Tony Stark, owner of Stark Industries, one of the big companies in the business of clean energy. Tony Stark had quite a past. He'd inherited the company from his father, but back then, SI had still produced weapons. As soon as it all belonged to him, Tony changed everything and stopped the weapons production in an instant. He'd always been a genius and invented a sustainable technology to create clean energy – and became famous with it. He was known to be charming and brilliant, but also eccentric and self-obsessed. And he was a known playboy.
So when the news that Bucky Barnes and Tony Stark were dating reached the world, the people went wild. Two of their favourite famous people were together. They were the perfect couple, always in love and supporting each other. They never argued and it was obvious that one day, they were going to marry and adopt at least three kids. Maybe they would even settle down together? Because Tony was always traveling between LA and New York for work, while Bucky's movies were filmed in different cities and sometimes even countries.
In the end, they did marry. They'd been together for nearly ten years by then and the world had almost forgotten their relationship. Yes, they were on the news regularly and even had their own fandom, but the world didn't explode with news about them every few weeks anymore. The wedding ceremony was beautiful and pictures reached the whole world – apparently, a reporter had managed to sneak in despite all the security measures.
After that, the world started to wait again. When were the kids coming? Why didn't they announce to move to LA together? The interest was big, especially since Bucky's career had long passed its peak. The jobs he got were smaller, the movies not that famous anymore. The only thing keeping him on the news was his relationship with Tony Stark, who was still going strong with SI. Maybe stronger than ever.
What the world didn't know, though, was that in private, their relationship wasn't that perfect anymore. It hadn't been for years, even before their wedding.
It all got worse when Tony didn't just have an affair with someone, but fell in love with a man with blond hair and beautiful blue eyes.
From the moment Steve Rogers got to know Tony Stark, he knew that the other man was trouble on two legs. Of course he'd heard about his reputation before, with him being famous and a genius. It was also well-known that Tony was married to an actor. People always said that their marriage was happy, with them always being together when their different jobs allowed it.
What the news didn't say, though, was that Tony Stark wasn't faithful to his husband.
When Steve had spotted him at the exhibition sponsored by Stark Industries, he couldn't help going over to talk to the other man. Tony looked bored and Steve loved to show people that art was something exciting. That there were stories behind every picture, if you just looked closely enough. And maybe he also couldn't stay away from this truly handsome man. Because Tony Stark was beautiful. Black hair, a beard and brown eyes. That, together with a dark grey suit nearly made Steve's knees get weak.
Tony was easy to get along with and it took him about ten minutes to realize that he liked the man. He had a great sense of humour and his sarcastic comments made Steve laugh on more than one occasion. He was also incredibly smart and could tell stories about anything, something Steve found really impressive.
Knowing that Tony was married and fully aware of the ring on his finger, Steve tried to keep his distance, even if the other man couldn't hide his intentions. Or he didn't try to do so at all. Steve always wanted to do what's right and he hated crossing any boundaries. Like kissing a married man, for example.
But as soon as Tony's lips touched his, he couldn't remain strong anymore. Even if they'd just met, he wanted the other man far too much for that. So he let Tony take him back to his hotel room, where they made love for the first time.
That was more than one year ago.
Staring at you naked
Hotel room in Vegas
I love you, but I hate it
And we can't tell anyone…
The sun was rising slowly, bathing the room in a soft orange light. It was warm inside and even the open window couldn't do anything against the heat. Soon, it would get even worse, but that was normal for Las Vegas in the summer. By now, Steve should be used to it, but even after years of living in the city, he still hated the weather. He loved being in the sun, but at times, it was too sunny. Too hot. Too crowded. He missed living in a quieter place.
He moved to his side, the silken bedsheet feeling cool against his heated skin. Another thing he wouldn't get used to. In the past year, he'd spent countless nights in those expensive hotels, but it still felt like a dream. Every time he came back to his small and dark flat afterwards, he had to remind himself that this really happened. That the nights he spent with Tony were real.
His eyes moved to the man next to him. Tony was lying on his back, breathing evenly. The sheets didn't cover much of his naked body and Steve smiled while he watched how his chest rose and fell when he breathed. With his eyes closed and the relaxed expression on his face, Tony looked peaceful. Something that could be rarely seen when he was awake. Even now, Steve was still surprised by the whirlwind that was Tony Stark. He was loud. Eccentric. Self-confident. Self-obsessed. Observant. Smart. Caring. Funny. The list of things that could describe this man was endless.
After they'd first slept together, Steve thought that this would be a one time thing. That he'd never see Tony again afterwards. To his surprise, the genius had stayed in Las Vegas for two more days. Days they'd spent together. He'd never asked Steve for his number, but it didn't surprise him when Tony called nearly a week after he'd left. Most probably, he'd hacked Steve's phone to get the number. He would be able to do that, Steve was sure about it.
They'd met every few weeks, as often as both their schedules allowed it. Tony was far more busy than Steve, but on a few occasions, he didn't find the time to meet when the other man asked. He worked at the museum more days than not and his own art took all his free time. He wanted to make his own name in the future and that required lots of hard work.
Once, Tony had surprised him by showing up at an exhibition Steve visited in San Francisco. He'd mentioned the event a few weeks previously, but Steve hadn't expected Tony to remember it. Seeing him there, looking at Steve's drawings had been a strange sensation. It had made his heart beat faster, but he'd also felt weary.
Because Tony was still married to another man. To a famous man with whom he was very happy, at least according to all the news on the internet. And no, Steve hadn't looked them up, he'd never do something like that. Because he was just having fun with Tony, no strings attached. Or at least he tried to convince himself it was like this.
With time, however, it got harder and harder to believe.
When he looked at him now, in the expensive hotel room in Las Vegas, with the sun rising slowly, Steve knew that he couldn't lie to himself any longer.
He was in love with Tony. Utterly, irrevocably in love.
He'd known that this was a possibility. That sleeping with him could turn out disastrous in the end. Steve always had a tendency to give too much of himself and this time, it wasn't any different. His best friend Natasha had warned him about it, but he wouldn't listen. "You can't sleep with him. He's married. That's dangerous territory." She'd warned him. Of course he knew that she was right, but it was so hard to stay away from Tony. He'd always known that he might get his heart broken. It was a risk he'd been willing to take.
He'd taken it because it was so easy to be with Tony. It felt so natural when they were just sitting on the couch for hours, talking about their days or their work. Steve told him about new ideas for his paintings and in return, Tony explained his newest inventions. Sometimes, Steve couldn't follow his explanations, but it was fascinating to listen to him anyway. He loved Tony's humour and how he was so invested in his work sometimes that he forgot to eat or sleep. When he rambled about new ideas, Steve couldn't help thinking that it was adorable.
Then there was the way Tony genuinely seemed to care. He took Steve to new places he wanted to see. Sometimes, he wasn't even aware that he'd told the other man about it until Tony admitted it, his cheeks turning red in the course of it. He never had that with someone before.
In return, he tried to do things for Tony as well. He took him out to dinner when he knew that the genius had a hard week. He listened to all his worries concerning the company, things he didn't even tell Pepper, his CEO. Once, Steve painted Tony's most priced invention. The genius had been speechless and Steve knew that the painting was hanging in his office in LA now.
All in all, Steve was lost.
He loved Tony Stark.
And he could never have him.
When Tony stirred in his sleep, Steve smiled softly. He could still feel their activities from last night every time he moved and he guessed that Tony felt the same. When they were together, there was a passion between them he'd never witnessed with anyone else. He knew that he never would. Tony had ruined him for other men forever.
"Good morning." He said softly when Tony blinked against the light. Steve hoped that his voice sounded calm and his worries didn't show. Nat always said that he was an open book when it came to his feelings.
"Morning." Tony muttered, sitting up slowly and moving his shoulders. When Steve saw a hickey he'd left on his neck the night before, he blushed. He tried not to leave visible signs on Tony's body, but sometimes, he couldn't help it. He wanted the other man to belong to him, even if it was just for one night.
Tony seemed to notice his embarrassment because he grinned. "Am I looking that bad?" He joked, moving closer to Steve and placing a hand on his chest. Apparently, he'd guessed the reason for Steve's sudden shyness. "I like it when you leave marks on me, Steve." Tony's eyes were dark when he pushed Steve back onto the mattress.
"I shouldn't." He replied quietly, his fingers tracing invisible lines on Tony's chest. "Someone could see them."
Tony chuckled, a deep sound that made Steve shiver. "I don't care." He moved closer then, so their faces were just inches apart. "You should see yourself when you're this possessive, it's hot as hell."
They had this argument before, only a few weeks after their first time. Steve had felt uncomfortable because of Tony's husband. The other man didn't even flinch when Steve had mentioned all the reasons why this was a bad idea. It had dawned on him then that this wasn't new for Tony. He'd cheated on him before.
By now, Steve knew that their marriage wasn't the best. Tony rarely talked about it, but once, after a peaceful evening at his house in Malibu with far too much to drink (at least from Tony's side), the genius had told him about it. How they hadn't been happy together for some time now. That things had changed between them. He'd looked sad then and Steve had known that he wouldn't hesitate to go back to his husband if things got better again. He couldn't even blame Tony. After all, they'd been together for years. Steve was nothing compared to that. However, he still held onto Tony after that. He couldn't let him go.
"You should see yourself." Steve muttered now, just as Tony began to place kisses on his jaw. "Everyone pales in comparison to you."
There it was again, that deep chuckle. "You're exaggerating."
"I'm not." When Tony leaned in to kiss him softly, Steve closed his eyes. He wished that this could be normal for them. That they didn't have to hide. That there wasn't a chance Tony would go back to someone else in the end. But of course there wasn't. This was all he'd ever get.
Apparently, his thoughts had shown on his face. When Tony pulled back, his smile was replaced by a frown. "Steve, what's wrong?" He moved back then, so he was kneeling in front of him, creating a distance that made it possible for Steve to sit up as well.
"Nothing." He replied automatically, forcing a smile on his lips. "Everything's fine."
Tony's frown only deepened. "No, it isn't." He ran a hand through his already messy hair and Steve fought the urge to run a hand through it as well. "You've overthinking it again."
This time, it was his turn to raise his eyebrows. "Overthinking? What do you mean?"
"All this. Us." Tony looked pained. "You do that from time to time, don't think I didn't notice. You look at me then with this… I don't even know how you look at me. As if you were ready to say goodbye."
"Damn, why did I have to fall for the genius?" Steve tried to joke half-heartedly. He considered making more jokes and distracting Tony somehow. It would work, he was sure of that. He'd done it before. But strangely, Steve didn't want that right now. They needed to have this conversation at some point, so why not now? Why not the morning he realized that he was in love with Tony? That he loved him?
Steve reached for the bedsheet and pulled it closer to cover up himself. Somehow, he didn't want to have this conversation completely naked. "You once said that I shouldn't worry about it. That we should just live in the moment. I tried that, Tony. I really did. But you're still a married man. It will always stand between us." He sighed. "I always need to keep in mind that this could end any time. You keep coming back, but how long will it stay like this? How long until you and your husband will have worked out your differences?"
"Steve…" Tony began, but he shook his head and the genius fell silent again.
"I can't do this forever, Tony. I'm not made for this. What I want…" He shook his head again, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with the situation. Here he was, in a hotel room in Las Vegas, in bed with Tony Stark. A man who was married and had made it very clear to Steve that this was nothing serious. And he tried to explain to him that he wanted a relationship. That he wanted something real in his life.
"What do you want, Steve?" Tony's voice was quiet, barely a whisper. When the other man reached out to touch his arm, he moved back.
"I'm sorry, I think I should go." He knew that if he stayed a moment longer, he would tell Tony he loved him. And that would definitely ruin everything. Maybe Tony wouldn't hate him, but he surely didn't want to sleep with a man who loved him. That would cross a line.
So Steve stumbled out of bed and began to search for his clothes that were scattered all over the floor. He barely noticed that Tony started to do the same. "Steve, let's just talk about this." There was something in Tony's voice that sounded odd, as if he'd been punched in the stomach, but Steve ignored it.
"There's nothing to talk about. I'm sorry." By now, he had found his pants and his shirt. Where the hell were his socks and shoes? Oh, over there by the door. He moved to get them. Only then did he feel a hand on his arm again and stopped to glance at Tony.
He'd seen the genius in several states, from happy over annoyed to sad. But there had never been an expression on his face that resembled the one he wore now. If it was a painting, Steve knew he'd call it 'utter devastation', but maybe it was also exaggerated. Tony just looked… scared.
"Don't go." Tony muttered. "I don't understand. Yesterday, everything was fine and now…"
When he saw that look on Tony's face, Steve knew that he'd lost the battle again. He couldn't leave now. He sighed deeply. "You always knew that it wasn't easy for me. You being married. I just overreacted. I'm sorry."
Tony didn't look convinced, but he nodded slowly. "I'm the one who has to apologize, Steve. I never wanted to put you in this position. Bucky and I…" He ran a hand through his hair again, looking conflicted.
"Don't." Steve interrupted him. "Let's not talk about him." He glanced at the clock. "Maybe we should go out and get some breakfast. After you've covered up that mark on your neck."
It took him a few moments in which Tony looked like he wanted to say something, but then he turned towards a mirror. He grimaced. "You should cover that, darling. After all, you're the one who caused it." Darling, the nickname Tony used for him ever since their first night together. They'd never talked about it, but most probably, Tony knew how much Steve liked it.
He nodded slowly. "I can do that."
As their made their way to the bathroom, Tony spoke again. "I've planned a trip to Paris in two weeks. Nothing work related, just some time to relax. I thought maybe you'd like to come with me?"
It took him only a moment to decide, even if he knew that it was yet another bad idea. "I'd like that."
"So you're really in love with him." Natasha said, not sounding surprised at all. She threw back her red hair that was shining in the sun and leaned back on her chair. Tony had left a few hours ago and the first thing Steve did after leaving the hotel was calling his best friend and asking if they could meet. Natasha had agreed immediately and now they found themselves sitting in a small café they visited frequently.
"You don't seem surprised." Steve muttered, gripping the mug with his coffee tightly.
Natasha smiled sadly. "You have a tendency to fall in love with the wrong people, Steve." He knew that she meant his previous relationship with Bruce, who'd left Steve for a job on the other side of the world. They'd been together for nearly two years then and he'd started thinking that they'd stay together.
"This time it's different." He argued. "It's hard to explain, but I just know it with Tony. That he's the one I want to spend my life with."
"But he's married." Natasha muttered.
Steve sighed deeply. "He's married. I nearly told him, Nat. That I love him. And that things can't go on like this."
She nodded. "You should. He's never going to leave his husband and this is not good for you. You need a real relationship, not this affair." "I was about to tell hm that I can't do this anymore. But every time I try, he looks at me with those big, brown eyes and I can't do it. I just can't." He knew that he was being pathetic, but he didn't care. "Losing him… I can't go through that again."
Natasha crossed her arms. "There are only two possibilities. Either you don't say anything, things stay like they are and you're miserable. Or you tell him, leave him and then you're miserable." At least I'd still have Tony after option one…, he thought, but dismissed the idea again quickly. It killed him every time to let Tony go back to his husband.
"Not much of a choice, considering both options end in me being miserable." He muttered darkly. "In two weeks, we'll go to Paris. I'll tell him about it then."
"How romantic, telling him you love him in Paris." Nat said, but she wasn't smiling. Neither was Steve.
"Say that again." Pepper said, looking at Tony with wide eyes.
"I've asked Steve if he wants to go to Paris in two weeks." Tony muttered, running a hand through his hair. "And he said yes."
"You'll take him to Paris." She repeated, shaking her head. "You're taking Steve to Paris. The city of love."
He looked around, making sure that they were indeed alone. Of course they were. Bucky was in Miami, filming a new movie. Tony and Pepper were the only ones in the penthouse of the Stark Tower in New York at the moment. "No need to shout. I know that this is probably a bad idea."
When Pepper narrowed her eyes, he knew that she agreed with him. "It's not just a bad idea, it's disastrous. What if someone sees you?"
"We've been hanging out together for a year now and no one noticed." Tony tried to reassure her. "Nothing bad is going to happen."
"Tell me again about that time you needed to hack the internet to delete pictures of the two of you?" She quirked an eyebrow.
"That was one time! And now JARVIS is keeping an eye on things so it won't happen again." He'd never told Steve about that incident and luckily, the pictures had been deleted before many people saw them.
Pepper sighed. "Are you going to tell him? It's long overdue, Tony."
He scoffed. "And what should I say? Sorry Bucky, we've been together for thirteen years now and I've been cheating on you for at least four of those? Oh and by the way, one year ago, I met another man and I fell in love with him. How do you think he'd take that?" Bucky knew that Tony wasn't always faithful, or at least Tony suspected that he knew. But they'd never talked about it. In fact, they rarely talked about anything these days. The wedding had been their last attempt to save their relationship and it had failed.
"I still don't understand why you're even still together." Pepper muttered, suddenly looking tired. "You don't love him anymore. No one knows how he feels because he's got one hell of a pokerface. The only times you can be seen together is at social events and there, he poses with you in front of cameras before he disappears at some point."
"Me leaving him would ruin his career." It was something Tony had told himself thousands of times in the past years. Bucky had said it right after a heavy argument a few years ago, back when they'd yelled at each other and Tony had even broken things in his rage. They'd stayed together and even married to repair their relationship, but things had never been the same again. Tony had started seeing other men shortly afterwards. Something Bucky would never do, even if their relationship was only a farce by now. He'd always been faithful. In contrast to Tony. However, he'd stopped feeling guilty about cheating a long time ago. And once he'd met Steve, he knew that he couldn't stop.
Pepper looked frustrated. "Keep telling yourself that. From my point of view, there's nothing to ruin. Bucky's career shouldn't depend on whom he's sleeping with. Maybe he needs to make more of an effort to get better roles again."
"Pepper…"
"You love Steve." She interrupted him firmly. "You've had dozens of affairs before, but you never came back to any of those men. You keep coming back to him. You even want to take him to Paris, of all places."
The feeling of frustration which always accompanied him when he thought of Steve and all the things they couldn't have was back with full force. He began to pace through the room, but didn't come far until Pepper grabbed both his arms, forcing Tony to look at her again. Her expression was serious. "Tell him. Before he realizes that all this isn't worth it."
"I can't just tell him I love him. He'd never believe me. I'm married, remember?"
"Things can change." She argued. "You don't want to lose him and the only thing out of this mess is if you tell him. Him and Bucky."
"You mean –"
"I won't watch you being miserable any longer. You're my best friend, Tony. And all this isn't good for you. You need to end this marriage and be happy again." Suddenly, she smiled. "And I'd love to meet Steve officially for the first time."
He frowned. "You already know him." They'd seen each other in LA once.
"I want to meet him as your boyfriend." Pepper clarified. "So now come on, we'll need to see what you're going to wear in Paris. Maybe you want to prepare a speech as well?" She began to drag him towards his living quarters then, surely already planning to search his wardrobe for suits.
"First, I should decide what to tell my husband." Tony emphasized the last word.
Pepper looked at him over her shoulder, not stopping to walk at all. "Leave the wedding ring here before you go to Paris. You don't need that anymore."
While he followed Pepper, Tony tried to decide whether he had the best or worst best friend in the whole world. The worst because she tolerated (and encouraged) him to cheat on his husband for years now. The best because she supported him and the decision his heart had made for him one year ago.
Paris was just as Tony remembered it. Beautiful but also crowded. Far too crowded with people everywhere. After having visited the city once together with Bucky, he'd sworn to himself never to return. But the temptation to take Steve to the several museums in the city had been far too high. And as he watched Steve's eyes light up when he announced that they were going to visit the Louvre, Tony knew that coming back was worth it.
They were going to stay for one week and most of that time, Tony didn't even get a chance to think about his feelings for the other man. They were always outside, visiting several museums or other places Steve wanted to see and to his surprise, Tony enjoyed being in the city again. Steve had such an unique way to look at the city, it was completely different than his first visit with Bucky all those years ago. It made Tony see Paris in a different light.
But there was also something else about Steve next to all the excitement and happy smiles. Things between them felt… different during this trip. Tony couldn't explain why, but he suspected that it had something to do with their last conversation back in Las Vegas. Once or twice, he even thought that he could see Steve watching him sadly from the corner of his eyes.
It made all his alarm bells ring and Tony remembered Pepper's words. That Steve might not wait for him forever. That one day, he could realize Tony wasn't worth it. He knew that Steve wanted more than just an affair. He'd always kept in mind that this thing between them could end without warning.
But now that it might really come to an end, it terrified Tony.
Because he loved Steve. And he was about to tell him.
It was on their last evening in Paris and they were sitting on the balcony of their hotel room together, two glasses of wine in front of them. Normally, Tony didn't drink anymore, but Steve had convinced him that a glass wouldn't hurt. In hindsight, it should have surprised him more. Steve never drank.
"The trip was beautiful, Tony." Steve looked at the lights of the city in front of them with a smile. "Thank you."
"I have to thank you, Steve. The week was wonderful." He replied quietly. While Steve watched the Eiffel Tower, Tony only had eyes for the man next to him. "I'm glad you enjoyed it as well."
"As if I could ever not enjoy spending time with you." When Steve turned to him now, the smile was replaced by a troubled expression.
Tony frowned. "What's wrong?"
His question was followed by a few moments of silence. In the end, Steve sighed. "There's something I need to tell you."
His heart started to race at that and Tony knew that this was it. Things weren't going as planned at all. "I also need to tell you something." He blurted out, not caring that he had a whole plan. A very romantic plan. "Steve, there's something I've realized in this past year with you."
Steve made a pained face. "No, don't. I get it. I really do. This has been a mistake right from the start."
"A mistake?" Tony asked, his voice barely a whisper. "But Steve –"
"Please, let me talk first." He hesitated for a few moments, surely to see whether Tony interrupted him again. When he remained silent, Steve continued to speak. "I've never done all this before. Having an affair. And I'd never thought that I would do that one day. Especially with a married man. Did you know that I tried very hard not to jump into bed with you on that first night?"
Tony's lips twitched. "It took you about three seconds to change your mind."
"And that's the problem." Steve muttered. "I can't resist you. Not at all. Every time I tried to convince myself that this was a mistake, you looked at me with those big, brown eyes of yours and all my resolve crumbled. When I first told her about us, Natasha warned me that it would break my heart one day."
"I never wanted to hurt you." His mind was racing while he listened to Steve's words. Did he want to end things with Tony? And if he did, how could he convince him to stay?
"I know you don't. But Tony…" Steve stood up suddenly, as if he couldn't sit still anymore. When Tony copied the movement more slowly, the other man sighed once more. "You asked me what I want, back in Vegas. I want something real. Something that can last. Not… whatever this is between us." He looked so sad that Tony couldn't resist to take a step towards Steve. When Steve made no attempt to come closer, Tony swallowed.
"Things don't need to stay like this forever." He said quietly. "Steve, I've realized –"
"I love you, Tony." The words made him fall silent in an instant and all he could do was stare at Steve. "I've fallen in love with you this past year. Which was a big mistake. You're married. You have a whole life with your husband and I…" When he shook his head, Tony thought that he could see tears in Steve's eyes. "We should end this so you can go back to him."
"What if I don't want that?" Tony asked, his eyes also feeling suspiciously wet. "What if I want to stay with you?"
Steve shook his head. "You can't. I've seen the pictures of you with your husband last week, when you were in Central Park together. You looked so happy and it kills me to see that. I need to let you go, Tony."
"You don't." He argued, louder this time. "There were lots of reporters around. Of course we had to look happy together. It wasn't real. Not like this thing with you. This is what I want, Steve." He tried to take another step towards him, but when Steve flinched, Tony froze.
"I don't want to be your affair." Steve spat out the last word, the sadness on his face mixing with rage. "That's not who I am, Tony."
"I know that. Please, Steve, let me explain. With Bucky, things are complicated. We haven't been together in years." It was the truth, one that he'd never voiced before. Not even in front of Pepper. Of course she was aware of it, but saying those words made them even more real.
Steve only frowned. "Don't lie to me. Every time you're together… I can't do this, Tony! Just go back to him and forget that this ever happened. Go and live your life and be happy with him. I won't watch you do that any longer."
"But Steve, there's something I need to tell you." During his last words, Steve had started to walk back towards the door. Tony followed him and grabbed his arm to stop him. That's when Steve suddenly stopped and his whole body tensed. The look he threw at Tony made him let go immediately and he held up his hands apologetically. "Please, let me explain. I need to tell you something, Steve."
"If you want to convince me to stay with you, it's not going to work. Let me just grab my things and then I'll be gone. There's another flight which leaves in two hours, if I'm fast enough, I can still catch it." The look in Steve's eyes now was cold and distant. It made all the things Tony wanted, no, needed to say vanish from his mind.
So Tony did the hardest thing he'd ever done. He sat on the balcony while Steve packed his things and left. Once he heard the door of the hotel room close with a thud, he reached for the wine and began to drink.
Steve couldn't help it. While sat in the taxi on the way to the airport, he felt like he'd just made the biggest mistake of his whole life. What did Tony want to say?, he kept wondering. But then he told himself that it didn't matter. Tony was married and he was happy with his husband. It was better this way.
He reached for his phone to text Natasha that he was coming home earlier. He hoped that she had time to meet, most probably with some ice cream. He needed something to lessen the terrible ache in his chest right now. Steve also tried not to feel disappointed when he saw that there were no new messages from Tony on his phone.
Knowing that they would need about twenty more minutes until they reached the airport, Steve closed his eyes and cried.
The moment Tony arrived back in New York, he fell into Pepper's arms who had already been waiting for him at the airport. "It will be alright, Tony." She whispered and handed him a pair of sunglasses, probably to hide his red eyes.
"I've lost him, Pep." He muttered. "He didn't even give me a chance to explain."
"One step at a time." Pepper replied simply. "Let's get you back to the Tower first. Your suit looks horrible and you smell like you've been drinking. I bet breakfast and a shower will make you feel better. And then, you're going to talk to Bucky."
He stared at her in surprise. "Bucky? But I thought he was back in Miami." He'd visited Tony a few days before his departure to Paris, but he'd already announced that filming the new movie would take several more weeks.
Pepper's expression was still calm. "I've told him to come. You need to tell him. Otherwise, you'll never get Steve back."
"But how…?"
When she smiled, he knew that she had a brilliant (and maybe also terrifying) plan. "Leave that to me. First, we need to make sure that you're a single man the next time you meet Steve."
"You know that this could take months." He was sure that Steve wouldn't wait for him forever. If he waited at all.
"Do you remember Phil?" Pepper asked suddenly, taking him by surprise.
Tony raised his eyebrows. "The Captain America fan?"
Pepper smiled widely. "The lawyer. He's in New York at the moment. And he still owes me a favour."
"When did you plan all this?" He wanted to know.
"Last week, there was this terribly boring meeting for SI about our expansion to Canada. They kept discussing whether we should do that for hours. I had lots of time then." Pepper said simply. "You should also try it, it's a good opportunity to think during those meetings."
"We already decided to build a reactor in Canada two months ago." Tony threw in, confused about the meeting.
Pepper kept grinning. "Exactly. Lots of time, as I said. Now come on, we need to get going."
Weeks passed and there wasn't a sign of Tony. Not on the news and especially not in Steve's life. It felt like he'd erased all traces of him when he left him back in that hotel room in Paris. It also still felt like he'd left his heart behind. But he should't regret it. He couldn't regret it. Leaving had been the right thing to do. They couldn't keep going like this forever. This thing between them hadn't been real. It had only been… what exactly? Steve wasn't so sure about it.
One morning, he was sitting in his favorite café in Las Vegas, working on ideas for his newest painting. It was time that he published something again, but ever since that last night with Tony, it felt like his head was empty. He couldn't even draw Natasha, something that had never happened to him before.
Together with his heart, Tony had taken his inspiration. His creativity. His will to create something new.
Steve had considered going back to him more times than it was healthy. But he couldn't do it. Not when Tony was probably back with his husband right now, working things out. Maybe that's why they weren't on the news. Because they wanted some time for themselves now that Tony's affair was over.
Outside, a bird was jumping from one table to another, searching for leftovers. It was small and had red and green feathers. Every time someone else got too close, the little bird spread its wings, ready to fly away, but once it realized that no danger was in sight, it stayed where it was.
He was so absorbed in the situation that he only realized someone was standing at his table when a newspaper landed in front of him with a thud.
Steve flinched and looked to the person next to him. When he realized who it was, he blinked. And again. But the image wouldn't change. "What are you doing here?" He asked, finally finding his voice.
"That's tomorrows newspaper." Pepper Potts explained as she sat down opposite from him. "You should read it."
"But what –" When he took in the headline, he broke off, staring at it. Bucky Barnes and Tony Stark got divorced! Hollywood's dream couple is gone! It felt like his head was spinning the longer he read the words. There was a whole article with lots of pictures of both Tony and Bucky, but Steve couldn't focus on them.
In the end, he looked at Pepper again. "They…"
"He left him." Pepper said simply. "It was about time. They hadn't been happy together for ages."
"Tony left Bucky?" He knew that he was probably looking stupid, with the way he stared at her and wasn't capable of forming a sentence, but in this moment, Steve didn't care.
She nodded patiently. "I thought it would be of interest to you. Considering how happy you were together."
"But we… I mean, I left him. Back in Paris." Suddenly, he stared to feel sick. "I told him it wasn't working because he was married."
"You should really work on your communication skills. Both of you." Pepper looked actually annoyed. "You love him. He loves you. As simple as that. If you had just listened when he wanted to tell you, lots of heartbreak could have been avoided."
At her words, Steve's whole mind turned blank. "Say that again."
For half a second, Pepper looked confused. Then she smiled. "He loves you. Actually, he should be the one breaking the news to you. But I've tried to convince him to come and see you for days now, but that man can be stubborn as hell. He's afraid that you might turn him down, after all."
"So you came." He said quietly.
"I came." She nodded. "It wasn't as difficult as expected, getting those two to admit that their marriage couldn't be saved. In fact, Bucky had also been cheating on Tony for some time with Sam Wilson, another actor he met a few years back."
Steve had just taken another sip of his coffee and now he nearly choked on it. "His husband had cheated on him as well?!" This entire time, Tony had thought that he was the only one being unfaithful. And now this… "How did Tony take that?"
"Surprisingly well." Pepper shrugged. "I think he's rather concerned about you. That's why he didn't show up after the divorce was done."
"Where is he now?" If Tony loved Steve and wasn't married anymore…
"Malibu. There's a plane waiting at the airport. If you go home and pack your things now, we could leave within an hour."
He smiled slightly. "Tony was right. You're brilliant, Pepper."
She stood up with a grin. "Tell me again once all this worked out."
On the flight to Los Angeles and the following drive to Malibu, Steve was full of excitement, but also concern. He couldn't wait to see Tony again because he'd missed the other man terribly in the past weeks. But at the same time, he also wondered if it was a good idea to go to him now.
He left his husband for you, Steve reminded himself. Pepper said he loves you. However, he knew that he needed to hear those words from Tony. Right now, it all still felt unreal.
When the car stopped in front of the house, Pepper smiled encouragingly. "He'll be at the beach. He spends most of his time there at the moment."
Steve nodded slowly. "Pepper… thank you."
"You can thank me again once you're back with Tony." She said simply and waited while he got out of the car. Then she drove off, probably back to Los Angeles.
He found Tony at the beach, just as Pepper said. The house was standing at the edge of a cliff and there were long stairs that led to the water. Getting to Malibu had taken most of the day and right now, the afternoon sun was shining, making the water glisten in its light. Steve had to admit that this place was beautiful. He could understand why Tony had decided to build his house here. Maybe one day, Steve could even draw the sight.
Again, the felt giddy at the idea of having a future with Tony Stark.
Tony didn't look away from the water as Steve approached. Most probably, he didn't even hear his footsteps over the wind and the waves. The other man was clad in jeans and a simple blue pullover. It was an unusual sight. During their time together, Steve had rarely seen Tony in anything else than a suit. He also noticed that Tony looked thinner than before, probably from the stress. He always forgot to eat then.
When Steve stepped next to Tony, he noticed that he stiffened, but next to that, Tony still showed no reaction to his presence. In the end, it was Steve who broke the silence between them. "It's beautiful here."
"I always wanted to show you." Tony replied, voice soft. "I knew you'd like it. This place always had a calming effect on me. That's why I decided to live here." He hesitated. "It didn't help calming me down in the past weeks."
"You were about to tell me. In Paris." Steve said. "That you wanted to leave Bucky."
This made Tony turn to him. "Pepper told you." It wasn't a question.
He nodded. "She came to Las Vegas today."
"I should have known she'd do something like that." Tony ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, Steve. For everything."
"No, I should be the one to apologize." He argued. "After all, I ran away in Paris. I didn't even listen to you."
Tony laughed dryly. "Which I understand. I can't blame you after everything I did. I should have left him the moment we met."
"From what I heard, things weren't that easy. You've been with him for so long."
"I stopped loving him years ago." Tony's voice sounded bitter. "I'm not even sure why I thought staying together would be a good idea. We were only married on paper, nothing else. Seems like I wasn't the only unfaithful one in this relationship."
"You don't look upset about that." Steve noted with surprise.
For the first time since he came to Malibu, Tony smiled. "No, I'm not. Not at all. I'm glad he finally found someone who makes him happy. It's something I never could. At least not really. I gave him the fame he needed, but next to that?" He shrugged. "We weren't all that perfect as a couple, after all." He took a step towards Steve slowly, closing the distance he'd left between them on purpose. "Will you listen to me now, Steve? Without running away?"
He smiled. "No more running." He let it sound like a promise, which it was.
"I love you." Tony's words made Steve shiver. "You never let me say it back in Paris. I've loved you since the moment we met, Steve. And I'll always love you, if you'll have me." He looked at him with so much love and seriousness in his eyes, it made Steve want to cry.
He reached out and took Tony's hands. "I love you too." He said quietly. "I never wanted to have an affair, least of all with someone who's already married, but I couldn't stop. I couldn't let you go. I think I always knew that this thing between us is something special."
"It is." Tony squeezed his hands. "This won't be easy, Steve. Being with me. I can be an ass at times and I'm difficult to get along with."
He grinned. "I think we managed that pretty well in the past year. And you're not that difficult. Whoever told you that is an idiot."
"You just insulted many people." Tony chuckled and looked at Steve thoughtfully. "No more running away?"
Steve shook his head. "Never again. I regretted it the moment I walked out of that hotel."
"I wanted to run after you. Like in all those cheesy movies. But I couldn't." Tony reached out to touch his cheek carefully. "Because I knew that I'd messed up everything."
"Stop blaming yourself." Steve interrupted him. "I could have told you about my feelings sooner. We both made mistakes. Let's be better in the future."
When Tony smiled now, he looked more beautiful than ever before. Steve knew that he would keep this moment in mind and draw it later. "I like the sound of that."
Then Tony leaned in and their lips met. It felt like their first kiss all over and the last tension in Steve's body left him at this. This was where he belonged. In Tony's arms. It was like coming home.
"I love you." He whispered again when they parted.
Tony smiled. "I love you too, Steve."