CHAPTER 16

THE RIPPLE EFFECT OF THE AMBUSH - 6x01

Mandy was fast asleep at Jason's apartment, recovering from all the excitement from Brian's baby shower, from all the food and champagne the girls had that afternoon; and of course, all the sex that Mandy had the morning before. She went to her place an hour after Jason left, and when she got home she only changed clothes and noticed how tiring it would be for her to go to VA Beach at Naima's, then go back to her place at night after the baby's shower. So she quickly texted Jason asking if it would be okay if she slept at his place that night, knowing that by that time he would still be on the plane for sure, and he assured her that she should sleep at his apartment, saying that he actually always thought she would stay there that night, at least. She thanked him and told him to be safe again.

So, many hours later, almost at the break of dawn, Mandy was drooling on Jason's bed when she heard her phone buzzing. She immediately woke up and knew something was wrong, because Jason surely wouldn't call her right after the op was over, late at night, just to tell her that everything went fine. In this case, no news were good news. She answered the phone still barely awake, shuddering, "Hello"

"Mandy", Jason greeted her, and although she felt immediate relief, she noticed his voice was tense.

"Jason. Are you ok? What's wrong? Were you wounded?"

"Not really. I mean, yes, but nothing serious at all. Just some cuts and bruises" he omitted that he was shot on his shoulder, that information could wait for now.

"Thank God. What happened on the op? Please tell me" Mandy was relieved but knew something bad happened.

"We got ambushed, Mandy. I don't know how we got out of there alive, to be honest. But we all got out ok. Except for Clay" Jason was murmuring, emotional, and he heard Mandy gasping.

"God, Jason, how is he?"

"We're not sure. Not well. He got out of surgery and is conscious, but he's not out of the woods yet. We just talked to him and he wants us to go back to the States, to be with Stella." he stopped, swallowing. "His leg is shit", Jason added, his voice trembling.

"Fuck. Jason, did someone talk to Stella?"

"Yeah, Davis went to her place a few hours ago and she's with Naima and some friends there. They didn't call you because they thought you were back at your place, and I told them I would let you sleep for a while because there wasn't much for you to do there. Everybody's just waiting to see".

"Jason, I'm going to Naima's now to be with Stella, and see if they need any help. Please, as soon as you know at what time you land, let me know and I'll pick you up" Mandy said, determined, already out of the bed and picking her clothes up.

"Ok. Good." Jason just said, his voice failing as he tried to hold tears.

"Do you want me to call Emma? She might find out the op went wrong and be worried"

"Yeah. Yeah. I didn't even think of that" Jason was totally lost.

"Ok, I'll call her. Just be there with the team. If Clay wants you guys to be with Stella, it's because it's really important for him." Mandy was already putting her shoes on. "Jason" she called, "Please don't think of the worst possible outcome. Okay?", she knew how negative he could be. Jason would create problems for every solution, if you'd let him.

"U-hum. Yeah. You're right", he exhaled. "I'll call you later. Bye"

Mandy quickly got ready, grabbed her stuff and was out the door, knowing she would be facing an anxious day ahead. But she couldn't even imagine how agonizing these next hours would be for Stella.

…

...

Ray was sitting on the stairs of the front porch of his house, when Mandy sat beside him. They both watched as Davis gave them a quick nod of goodbye after helping Stella get inside Davis' car, with Brian already secured on the infant seat. Stella heard the news of Clay's amputation a couple of hours ago, but she was still a mess; and she agreed to call her mom, so she could help her with the baby for the next weeks, while Clay recovered at the hospital. It would be long weeks of recovery for him, so the team, their families and Stella's friends already were making arrangements to help Stella however possible, taking turns with her if needed.

Ray broke the silence, murmuring to Mandy, "Well there's that, then".

"What is?", Mandy asked, knowing Ray was deep in his own thoughts.

"It doesn't really matter how wounded you are. Your family will always feel it deep down. I think that's what scares the most when you're a soldier" he turned to look at her.

"The collateral damage, you mean?", Mandy knew he was remembering about how it was with his PTSD.

"Yeah" he gave her a half smile, "When we're wounded, on your body or your mind, you just can't handle the fact that your injury could be a burden for your family, friends, and to the Team".

"I can imagine", Mandy muttered. "I'm glad you're better, Ray".

"Yeah. But I made Naima suffer. A lot. I hope Clay gets better soon, but I also hope he doesn't feel guilty about his new life." Ray stayed silent for a few seconds, then turned to Mandy. "How are you doing, Mandy?"

She felt comforted by Ray's concern. She knew he was asking her about her PTSD, because he was the one that reached out to her and insisted she should treat it right away, confessing how hard it got to him later on. She really was trying to move on from her kidnapping, ignoring her fears, but she obviously knew she needed professional help to do so; but still, at first she kept trying to ignore the signs. And because of Ray insisting, she chose to do the right thing and consult with a psychiatrist. It was weird at first, and she still had nightmares and issues about her captivity, but she understood she couldn't control any of it and had to trust the process.

"I'm good. You know how it is, an ongoing process" Mandy smiled, sincerely. "Thank you for insisting. I know I can't control everything about what happened or when it's going to affect me, but I'll handle it".

"You're doing the audio therapy too? The one you record yourself remembering what happened?" Ray felt a little insecure about asking her, but he was actually curious about it.

He was so open about his treatment, Mandy saw no problem in talking about hers as well. "Actually, I tried that for a while, but I think that because my captivity was more of the constant fear of something terrible happening than it actually happening, it didn't work out much" Mandy stopped, and exhaled, looking at the street, although there was no one there. "It was more of the lack of control, the hopelessness, you know? Thinking nobody would come. And that it was my fault, because I never shared to anyone where I was going." She stared back at Ray, that looked at her with understanding eyes, encouraging her to keep talking. "I just need to remember that even though I don't have a real family, I'm not completely alone. I can trust people. Trust they would help me. And maybe if I was alone and something happened again… well, to be honest, my therapy didn't get that far yet, so I'm crossing my fingers so nothing happens" she laughed, and Ray knew how she was feeling, and he liked the fact that at least she was laughing about it, because it obviously was her current worst nightmare. So he also laughed, admiring her tenacity.

Jason's voice interrupted their laugh, "Hey guys, something funny?".

Mandy felt bad about it, standing up, "Sorry, Jace, we didn't mean to…"

"Nah, I know" Jace interrupted, looking at her.

"Truth is, this day could've ended a lot worse. We have to be glad he survived" Ray muttered.

"Yeah. You're right" he turned to Mandy "I think I need some food. And sleep", he murmured.

"Yeah, I'm kind of hungry too. I'll take you to eat something".

...

They said goodbye to Ray and made their way to Mandy's car. They went to their favorite taco place, which was actually the one where Mandy decided to leave the CIA.

"Do you need help eating it?" Mandy asked, as she brought Jason's favorite burrito for him at the table. She was still worried about his shoulder, although she knew it wasn't a serious wound. But she also knew the caliber of that bullet could've easy killed him or hit a nerve, leaving him disabled for life, but as the nurse told Jason hours before, he was lucky it was a ricochet.

"No, I can hold it with one hand." He glanced at her as she sat in front of him, putting her own tacos in front of her. Same order as the last time they were there together, he thought. "Us, Seals, are trained to eat, shoot and kill with one or both hands. And other stuff too" he raised her an eyebrow, smirking and moving two fingers of his hand that was holding the burrito.

"Really? Never noticed" she answered, distracted. His smile disappeared, but Mandy soon enough smirked at him, letting him know she was teasing.

"Ha-ha. Funny" he answered, hiding how for a second his ego almost, just almost, went down a bit.

They ate in silence for a while. Nothing uncomfortable, but Jason wanted to let Mandy know he was thankful for her help. He put his burrito down after a few bites.

"Look... I'm sorry again for pulling away before", he started, gesticulating, and she glanced at him. "I'm not used to sharing what I'm feeling, or thinking. But I am trying to evolve. Sometimes it may not seem to, but I know that talking about stuff is better... And I don't want you to think that you can't push me to open up sometimes". He cautiously looked at her.

Mandy just caressed his forearm, the same way she did a year ago at The Bulkhead. "That's good. I'm glad you know that it's better for you" she smiled, and added, "Don't worry, I won't back down if you're being a stubborn ass". She made him laugh. And continued, "I'd rather lose your friendship than let you sink to those dark, twisted, guilty thoughts of yours". She smirked and bit her taco.

Jason looked at her, she was as stubborn as him, in fact. And he honestly hoped that he would never be such an idiot to her to the point of losing her. Like she said earlier at Ray's house, he didn't go to her doorstep looking for someone to just share the good times. He went there because he wanted to also share the bad things with her. But he was now very aware that he was so involved in his own problems, with Mandy trying hard to help him out of his misery, that he had neglected to be there for her, and hear her own issues.

And Jason only noticed that, shamefully, because he overheard the conversation between Mandy and Ray at the porch, when he went to call them. They were talking about what kind of therapy Mandy was having for her PTSD. Jason tried not to listen, but did, and he felt so awkward about it that he pretended that he just got out there after their conversation was over.

He instantly kicked himself, mentally, for not demonstrating any interest in her mental health. Even Ray would know more about that than Jason, if he hadn't overheard. At first, he didn't want to pressure her, but they were meeting at the hotel for weeks and he never asked Mandy about any of this. She was fighting this alone, and still supporting his shit. He felt selfish as hell.

"You tired?" Mandy interrupted his thoughts, after they finished eating. Jason nodded in agreement, he was exhausted.

"You must be too. I woke you up early. Sorry" he said. "Thanks for getting all that food for Stella. That's really handy, with her dealing alone with the baby and all". He overheard Stella thanking Mandy because apparently she ordered like countless packs of pre-cooked and frozen comfort food from one of the places Stella loves. She wouldn't have to cook or buy food for weeks. He remembered when Alana died, and the guys' wives and girlfriends, and neighbors, all donated meals for him and his kids; it was a great gesture and he was very grateful.

"That's no problem. I just hope she'll try to take it easy on her from now on, the baby is still so fragile", Mandy said, holding Jason's unharmed arm while they walked to her car.

…

They got into the apartment, that was totally empty, because Cerb was still staying at Jason's friend's place.

Mandy helped Jason take off his clothes and take a shower, cautiously avoiding getting his shoulder wet. She had to get in the shower with him, because, according to Jason, ironically he could do many things with both hands, except properly scrub his body and wash his hair. She insisted on using her shampoo on his hair, using the correct amount of product, which Jason argued that wasn't enough, and if his gorgeous mane looked dirty the next day, it would be her fault.

When they got off the shower, after Mandy helped him put one of his funny boxers on, Jason couldn't hide a bit of disappointment when she went to her bag to get the same sleepwear she wore the night before when she slept alone at his place. He thought she would wear his t-shirt again, but what he didn't know is that Mandy took it to her place just to wash it with the rest of her laundry. She had every intention of using that t-shirt again, it's just that she thought he would be away on his op for a few days at least.

But he still thought she was looking cute in her babydoll, it was light blue, a color she wore frequently and that highlighted her green eyes.

They were too tired to even consider doing any type of sex, so they just laid on the bed, moaning, but of exhaustion. But Jason, that was laying on his back due to his shoulder, still put his good arm around Mandy, pulling her closer, so she finally agreed to sleep with her head on his chest, embracing him.

Right before Jason fell asleep, he remembered how close his team was from death, and how hard it was to see Clay mumbling in his delirium right before QRF arrived. How afraid he was of him dying of his injuries. And how Clay losing his leg, devastating as it was, certainly wasn't the worst outcome, as Ray wisely pointed out.