A/N: It has been a hot minute or two since I've written anything, and the truth is, I miss it so much. So, here's a short story for the Holiday season. Set one year after Bella marries Edward. There is no Renesmee in this fic. Please review and let me know your thoughts and if you want more ;-) As always, all characters belong to Stephanie Meyers.

CHAPTER ONE

(JPOV)

Christmas music blared through the house and I groaned with annoyance as the sound of "Silver Bells", filled my room at the brink of dawn.

"What the-..." I huffed, rolling over, and burying my face in the pillows with the hopes of muffling out the sound.

I'd only managed to get a few short hours of sleep and was desperate for more.

For the last year, Sam had been sure we were burning the candle at both ends with patrol and I was beyond exhausted.

"Little bro! How many waffles do you want?" Rachel asked, peering her head into my room with her cooking apron already on.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" I griped. "Go away, Rach!"

"No can do. The day is wasting!"

"The day hasn't even begun yet!" I argued, tossing the spare pillow toward her. She caught it with a smirk and threw it back at me.

"You know, this old Ebenezer Scrooge act you've had going since Thanksgiving is getting mighty annoying."

"I can name something else that's been mighty annoying since Thanksgiving." I haughtily countered, noting the slight wince from my comment as the smugness fell away from her face.

"Fine, don't eat."

"Who eats breakfast at this hour?"

"Early birds."

"...-or insane people." I quipped.

Rachel sighed then, her defeated stance not lost on me when I turned my head to see her still idling there in the doorway.

"Mom used to always try and make Christmas special. It was one of her many gifts, remember?" She softly asked.

I swallowed hard at the mention of my mother, and sat up in bed, wiping the sleep from my eyes and meeting Rachels somber gaze.

"Yeah, I remember. Course I do."

"I've been trying to keep more of her memory alive, especially with the holidays being here now and all. Rachel admitted. "Guess I maybe went a bit overboard?"

"Well, I mean, waffles before the rooster crows might be pushing it." I lightly teased, gesturing for her to sit down next to me on the bed.

She did so with a slight grin.

"Yeah, maybe."

The hurt in her tone was evident and I felt like a real tool for being so harsh with her lately. Seemed my bitterness was spilling out onto everyone else these days.

"Listen Rach, I don't blame you for trying. Mom did love the holidays. It was her favorite time of the year." I admitted.

"Can I ask you something?" She hedged.

"Sure...-"

"Are you ever gonna go back to being the brother I've always known? Cause I miss him."

Her blunt question stung but I couldn't deny what she was asking.

Truth was, since Bella left with the Cullens over a year ago, I'd been anything but myself. I spent whatever time I could in wolf form and I knew it wasn't easy on those around me.

"I'm still me-"

"Don't give me that, Jake." She countered. "I know who the real you is. I grew up with that kid, and this version of you, well he isn't even close. When I came back For Thanksgiving and decided to stay through Christmas, you seemed almost annoyed."

"It's not that. I'm just not big on Holidays anymore." I admitted.

"Since when? Since she left?" Rachel guessed, meeting my gaze with a knowing stare.

"I don't wanna get into this with you again. Lets just leave it be."

"Pretending it didn't happen, doesn't make it go away. Just makes it worse." Rachel pointedly stated.

"I'm not pretending."

"Then you're avoiding?"

"Rachel, please-"

"I just miss my brother, Jake. You're not the same. You don't spend time with us anymore. Whenever Charlie drops in, you leave without hardly speaking. Dad's noticed the difference in you, too. You're harsher, guarded, cold almost."

She wasn't wrong and I knew it. So I offered her the only truth I had.

"What else am I supposed to be? Seeing Charlie makes my stomach churn, and it's not his fault, but I can't help that. Being around him and dad, like the way things used to be, is physically painful for me. There's a reason I avoid it."

"He hasn't heard from her either, you know?"

Her words stung more than they should and I got up from the bed in search of my jeans and sweatshirt.

"He won't."

"How can you be so certain of that- maybe she didn't go through with it- maybe-..." Rachel began.

"She'd dead, Rach." I harshly interjected, my raised baritone making her pause. "She signed her own death certificate when she married that leech."

"-but you don't know that- for certain- you don't know if she's no longer Bella. Paul and I talk about it sometimes."

"Oh- Paul has an opinion on this?" I replied, shaking my head as I headed for the kitchen with her fast behind me.

"Yes, yes he does, and as a matter of fact, he doesn't think she went through with it either."

I halted my steps then, unable to keep the acid out of my tone with my reply to her.

"She. Married. Cullen. Left with their clan and never looked back. The reason Charlie hasn't heard from her is because she isn't Bella anymore. The daughter he knew, is gone Rachel. She's not there. She never will be. She's one of them."

I grabbed the nearest mug and poured myself a cup of coffee, noticing the way my hands shook at the very mention of her name now.

Rachel observed this, her eyes fixed on my hands.

"You still love her."

Her remark was not in the form of a question and my head filled once again with the many memories I had left of her.

I pushed the coffee aside and met her gaze then, my stomach churning, my heart pounding, and my eyes stinging with my answer to her.

"Yes, is that what you want to hear? That I still love her. That I'll always love her."

"I want to hear the truth." She hedged to me in return.

"The truth?" I questioned.

"Yes, what I really want to know is when you're gonna come to grips with the reality of this whole situation."

I stared back at her in mild annoyance and vague confusion, my temper beginning to wear more thin with her continuing to push this issue.

"-and what reality is that?"

"The reality that you still love her enough to be with her. No matter what form she's in. Human or not. Warm or cold. You've been warring with it for months. I've seen it. Every time Charlie stops in. You linger just long enough to hear if he mentions her. If he says she's called, because deep down, you know that if she does reach out to him, that'll mean she misses more than just home, and more than just her father. Even if she isn't the Bella that left here. Even if he did change her in the end. You and I both know how Bella felt about you. She denied her feelings for as long as she could, but they were real. What the two of you had was real. Even when you were kids. I remember the connection you shared, and how deep it went. For Bella, home wasn't just a place, it was a person, and that person was you."

I tried to form a response to her insanity, but the sound of my fathers voice carrying out to the kitchen, stopped our conversation where it was.

"Good morning, kids!" Billy beamed, wheeling himself toward us with a wider smile than normal when he spotted the pile of freshly made waffles and syrup there on the kitchen table.

"Morning, dad." Rachel greeted him, placing a kiss to his cheek. "Did you sleep alright?"

"Yes dear, I actually had one of the better nights rest than I've had in a long time."

"Good to hear. I'll get you some coffee to go with those waffles."

"Sounds good to me. Will you be joining us this morning, son?" He asked.

"Sam needs me."

"This early?" Billy asked in disbelief.

"Yes, I should get going."

"Oh son, just stay for a cup of coffee? Feels like I haven't really seen you much lately."

I caught Rachels gaze and noted the sadness in it as she handed my father his warm mug.

"Alright, one cup. Then I gotta go." I hesitantly agreed, sitting down at the table there with him.

He smiled and slid his plate of waffles over to me.

"Better eat up. You'll need your strength after all."

I took a large bite of the first waffle and reminisced how moms used to taste nearly the same.

"Moms recipe, Rach?"

"You know it." She confirmed with a small laugh. "Is there really any other way to make them?"

"Probably not." I agreed. "They are some of the best I've ever had, and that's really saying something considering Emily makes waffles often at Sams."

"Oh, Emily is one of the best cooks around."

"Yeah, but you're coming up in the ranks as a close second." I assured her, my half smirk genuine enough for her to return it.

"Thanks, Jake."

"You're welcome."

"This feels just like old times. Us all having a good meal together. I've missed it lately." Billy expressed. "Hope we can do this more often. Sure would be nice and do this old mans heart some good."

I managed a nod as a frantic knock came to the front door.

Rachel paused and looked my way.

"That wouldn't be Sam? Gosh, you're not that late for patrol."

"I doubt it." I huffed, rising from the table and heading to see who it was at this ungodly hour.

My hand was barely on the knob before the frantic knock came again. I threw the door open to see Charlie on the other side, his face pale and his eyes wide when he stumbled inside.

"Charlie...-"

"I'm so sorry to come over this early, but I didn't know what else to do."

He looked distraught, his eyes red rimmed and his emotion thick with his words.

"Charlie, what is it? What's going on? Are you alright?" Rachel asked, rushing to see what the commotion was all about. My father was not far behind her, his gaze wide with alarm when he took in Charlie's countenance.

"What is it, old friend?" Billy worriedly asked.

Charlie shook his head and struggled to regain his composure enough to speak.

My gut was screaming at me. So loudly, I could hardly keep still with the tremors now trying to force me into the change.

I knew what this was. Knew it in my very bones.

This would be the final nail in the coffin,

I'd known it was coming for months and months now, but it still didn't soften the blow of seeing Charlie this distraught.

"It's Bella- she-... she-..." He stammered, to overcome with emotion and stress to continue.

My chest began to physically ache as I braced myself for the next few words he was trying to get out.

Rachel saw my expression and tentatively reached out for my hand. I took hold of it, looking to my father as he wheeled over to Charlie.

"She what, Charlie? Tell us? What happened? What's going on?"

Charlie sank down onto the sofa then, his very knees seeming to give out.

My mind raced with the many ways this would go. The many stories the Cullens would have concocted and weeded through before picking the most harsh and believable one to tell Charlie. It was bad enough that he hadn't so much as heard a word from Bella after the wedding. The only line of faulty communication was when Dr. Cullen had called to assure him that Bella was safe, just traveling with Edward. A line of trash I knew otherwise to be a straight out lie.

My heart broke all over again for the man in front of me now. He didn't deserve this. It was so screwed up and so cruel.

"Charlie, take a deep breath." Rachel insisted, releasing my hand and hunkering down next to Charlie on the sofa.

He tried to listen to her but couldn't, his brokenness and panic overriding any other thought he had right now.

I knew all too well what that felt like, at only a fraction, because I wasn't losing my daughter, and I knew the cold truth of what was really happening here.

I was losing my very best friend and all that we should have been.

If given the choice, I would have gladly taken another beating from a newborn like I did after the battle. As much agony as I was in back then, I'd take it twice over compared to this kind of torment.

Bones can heal with time, wounds can knit together, but a persons soul can only be crushed once before their heart is never the same.

The seconds passed that felt like dragging minutes as Charlie slowly gathered himself enough to finish what he had started to say before.

"She-... Bella-... she- she called me- about an hour ago, she was beside herself, saying she wanted to come home. I told her I'd come get her, wherever she was, but before I could get the information, the line went dead. I called the number back and it was disconnected. I tried calling Carlisle, but the only number I had for him was now out of service. She was crying so much, I could barely make out what she was saying, Billy. I need to get to her. Something is horribly wrong."

His words sent heat up my spine.

He'd talked to her.

Heard her voice for himself.

"Do you have any idea where she was calling from?" Billy asked, looking my way with a grim expression. "Any idea at all, Charlie?"

"I don't have the slightest clue." Charlie huffed out, running a hand over his tired face. "I was asleep when she called and the whole conversation was over in less than five minutes. I tried to jot down any info I could, but the line went dead so fast, I never got the chance to ask her exactly where she was so I could go get her. She begged me to come here, Billy. Made me promise I would. Right before the line went dead. She told me to find you, Jake."

I was only half listening after that. The chatter around me from my sister and my father turned into mere background noise as the one thought that echoed in my mind rang out clear now. Over and over again.

She's alive.

Bella is alive.

She's still breathing.

Her heart still pumping.

Her body still warm.

I tore off out of the house without a backwards glance then, my father yelling after me as I went, shredding my jeans and hoodie when I phased before crossing into the border of the forest.

"Jacob!"

I knew there was a risk that Charlie would see me before I could take cover in the dense trees, but I didn't care.

My only thought was Bella.