A/N: Hello my friends. Still planning on finishing this story. So wish I could make a career out of writing :-)
CHAPTER TWO
(BPOV)
I stared blankly at the plate of warm food Esme pushed my way with a warm smile of encouragement.
"You have to eat something, dear. I made one of your favorites. Lasagna. I know it's probably not the way you used to make it for Charlie when you were back home, but I tried. I thought something familiar would bring you some kind of comfort right now."
I barely acknowledged the dish she had prepared, as the mere idea of food made me want to heave.
"No, thank you." I weakly managed.
"Won't you at least try?" She pleaded.
"I can't Esme."
She frowned slightly at this and sat down next to me at the large island in the kitchen.
"Edward is worried. You've lost more weight."
"I'm fine." I bitterly countered.
"Bella, these things happen in a marriage. Disagreements and such."
I turned my head sharply toward her, my face paling all the more at her delusional dismissal of the recent events.
"This isn't a disagreement or an argument. This is entrapment. This is making me a prisoner. There's a big difference."
"Edward doesn't want to see you hurt is all." She countered in his defense.
"I don't want to be here, Esme. I want to go home." I tearfully told her. "You all can see how miserable I am. I don't belong here."
"You made your choice." She carefully reminded.
"I made the wrong one."
"To our family, marriage is forever, Bella. We mate for life. Not for a season." She quipped in return.
I cringed at this, my stomach whirling at the double meaning behind her words.
Esme rose from the island stool and placed a kiss to my forehead before departing from the kitchen with my untouched plate in her hand.
I moved quicker than I knew I could then, spotting her forgotten cellphone left idly there on the counter across the way. I hurriedly punched in the passcode and dialed my fathers cell with baited breath.
"Please pick up, Charlie." I huffed out, hearing it ring four times before his gruff voice carried out to me over the line.
"H-Hello?"
"Dad!" I sighed in relief, my emotions clear in my voice to him.
"Bella?"
"It's me... I- I need your help."
"W-What- What's going on? What time is it?"
"Listen to me- please. I lied about everything when we talked a few months ago. I'm not okay. Not at all."
"What's going on, Bella?"
"Edward- he- they- the Cullens-... they aren't who you think they are, dad. And I don't want this anymore. Please come get me and take me home.
"What do you mean they aren't who-..." He stammered in question.
"I can't reveal everything right now, but trust me when I tell you that things are not what they seem and I made the wrong decision."
"Bella, you're scaring me." Charlie admitted. "I'll do whatever you need me to. Just calm down. You're not making sense."
"I can't be here anymore." I cried to him.
"Okay,- it's alright. It's gonna be alright. Tell me where you are now? Are you still in Alaska visiting Edwards family?"
"No, we left there months ago." I sobbed, trying to keep my voice down but unable to stem my tears.
"Where are you, Bella?" He demanded.
I heard the front door creek open then and knew my time was already up.
"I have to go, Dad, please help me. Go to the Reservation. Get Jake. Please. I love you."
"Bella- wait - no- don't hang up-"
I ended the call and placed Esme's phone back on the counter, my fingers hurriedly deleting the call history before Edward could see it later. He knew Charlies number well and I couldn't risk him finding out I had placed that call.
I sat back down and grabbed the magazine on the counter, pretending the thumb through the cook book with peaked interest as Edward rounded the corner, his eyes narrowing in suspicion when he saw the reading material now in my hands.
"Reading on how to make a new recipe love?" He questioned with a crooked smile in place.
"Yeah, just trying to occupy the time."
"Zuppa Toscana soup?" He read from the top of the page currently flipped open. "Can't say I've ever had it in my human days. But I'm sure you would like it?"
"Can't hurt to try." I sighed, avoiding his gaze the best I could.
"Esme said you didn't touch your lunch?"
"I'm not hungry right now. Maybe later."
"Rosalie is upstairs if you need her. The rest of us are heading out for the hunting trip this weekend. Carlisle wants to get an early start. You know how he is. As punctual as ever."
"Have fun." I told him, keeping a straight face.
"Oh, we will. I'll miss you." He stated, leaning in for a kiss, his cold lips pressing firmly to mine. "Behave while were away. Don't get into any trouble."
"I won't. I'll miss you too." I lied, silently counting down the moments until he was out of sight again so I could breathe.
"Bye Mrs. Cullen." He smirked, "See you in a few days."
I forced a smile his way and watched as he vanished from sight, his blurring figure leaving the house before I could blink.
I let out the breath I'd been holding and tossed the magazine aside, thankful he was gone with the others.
Having them watch my every move day after day was tedious and exhausting. I hadn't slept a full night in weeks and the growing circles under my eyes were solid proof of the stress I was under. My clothes were hanging off me these days. I couldn't remember a time that I was this thin. My appetite had been barely existent and I was cold all the time.
Marrying Edward was a mistake. I knew that the moment I saw Jake waiting at the edge of the forest during the reception. Something about that dance had felt right. More right than any of the dances I had shared with Edward.
When we made it to the island, I told Edward the truth. That I couldn't ignore my feelings for Jacob. That I'd be living a lie if I did.
He told me he would let me go, that he would take me back to Washington, but that the promise I made to Aro was a binding contract that he and the volturi wouldn't overlook. He said the wolves would end up being mere casualties if I chose Jacob. That they would hunt us all down like prey.
I was naive and stupid enough at the time to listen to him, to let fear rule my choices. So I stayed, and tried to put Jacobs safety above my own selfishness for a change. It became more and more clear with every passing month that despite my best efforts to pretend life with the Cullens was really the best choice for everyone involved, my heart wouldn't allow me to breathe right without Jake.
It felt as if someone had left me with only half of myself. I was existing and not living and the longer it went on, the more numb I became. I was a shell of myself and I couldn't stand it any longer.
Then came the day I demanded Edward take me back to Forks.
That was the day I saw him for the monster Jake had always told me was really in there. The one who manipulated things in his favor and spun situations around so he somehow always benefited from them.
He threatened to inform Aro that I was still human.
I stood there feeling as if I was no longer in my own skin when he said this to me. It was a cold and eerie feeling to be physically still in your body but to feel as if you're no longer present. I walked around in a state of disassociation for weeks after that, only doing daily things that I knew to be routine enough to get me through yet another day...another week... another month.
I knew it then. I know it still.
I was trapped.
I am trapped.
The feel of the hot water soothed my skin and aching muscles as I soon slipped into the awaiting bath I had drawn for myself as my only source of warmth.
As it always did, my head filled with the images of Jacobs sunny smile and I clung to the memories I had with him as a means of pure survival.
The Cullens had decided we needed to be as far away from Washington as possible with the most recent move last month. They bought an oversized three story house in the mountains of New Hampshire where the snow and cold were plentiful during the Winter months, and the wildlife abundant for their appetites to be fed regularly without being noticed. I knew it was Edwards way of putting as many miles as he could between my old life back in Forks.
In his mind, the further away from Jacob I was, the better.
What he didn't know was how much pain that caused me. Both physical and emotional. I missed everything about my old life. Even the damp side of Forks would come as an odd comfort right about now. I could only hope that Charlie took my words from before seriously. That he would go straight to Jacob.
I didn't know if he would want to know about me, that I was still alive or if he would rather never hear from me again. After the way I left things, part of me was certain that the latter was more true than the former for him.
I would give just about anything to hear his voice again, to tell him I was wrong and how sorry I was for everything.
He was still my soulmate.
There isn't a night that goes by that I don't still recall what he said to Edward during the newborn battle when he thought I was asleep next to him in the tent on that frigid mountain.
"You have to consider the idea that I might be better for her than you are."
He was right. He was better.
He always had been. He always would be.
I was too blinded by the eclipse of Edward and the Cullens to see that I already had the sun, the moon, and all the stars with him.