"No, sir, we are not pooling our salaries to commission a statue of you riding a horse for the office!" Moxxie told Blitz angrily, shutting down his boss's proposal.
The whole company was in the meeting room, with them discussing Blitz's most recent proposal. Or more accurately, describing why it was a horrible idea.
"Considering out meager salaries, we can't just start blowing money on any pointless decorations." Benedict chimed in, earning him Blitz's ire.
"Hey! It's incredibly useful! Which one of you dimwits said it was pointless?!" Blitz claimed, causing all of his employees to raise their hands.
"You too, Loony?! How could you!" Blitz says, feeling betrayed.
"I already have to look at your ugly mug enough." Loona justifies, causing Blitz to clutch his chest dramatically and gasp.
Just then, something broke down the door to the room. The company looks over to see a small, floating figure in a black cloak, its face and features shrouded in shadow, seemingly emanating darkness around it. The temperature in the room seemed to drop a few degrees just due to his presence.
Of course, not even Lucifer himself could get in the way of Blitzo and a client, so the imp immediately vaulted over the table and stuck his hand out to the figure. "Hi, my name is Blitz, the o is silent, and welcome to I.M.P! Who ya' want offed?".
The figure shook his hand. "Glad to meet you, Blitz. I have many names. The Reaper, Thanatos, Taco Bell, but you may simply call me Death." He spoke in a surprisingly high pitched and squeaky voice. He snapped his bony fingers, removing the shadow around him and revealing his face, causing Millie to make a long drawn out gasp.
For you see, his face was...
. . . Absolutely adorable. It was a cute, cartoony skull, with two big black holes where his eyes should be, and his lower jaw missing, only having his upper teeth, of which there were three and they were very over sized. It also helped that he was relatively small in size, around the size of a large dog.
Millie couldn't contain her excitement and let out a loud squeal before rushing over to cuddle Death. "Aww, aren't you just the cutest little thing? Yes, you are!" she cooed, speaking in the same tone one would use with a pet.
"Get off me, woman!" Death yelled, shoving her off.
Undeterred, Millie turned to Moxxie and pleaded. "Can we keep him, honey? Please? He's so cute!" She dropped to her knees, giving Moxxie her best puppy-dog eyes.
"Hey! I'm not cute!" Death yelled angrily, causing Millie to try and start cuddling him again.
"He's so cute when he's mad!" She said, enraging the embodiment of death, so much that he angrily grabbed the side of her head with his bony hand. She stiffened up immediately as her eyes faded to pure black.
"No, no, NO!" She muttered incoherently, falling to the ground and rocking back and forth. "NOT THE PUPPIES!" She yelled in a panic, prompting Moxxie to run over to her side to comfort her.
"What did you do?!" He asked Death, who shrugged.
"Oh, just showed her some of the most horrible atrocities I've ever seen." He responded nonchalantly. "It'll wear off in a couple minutes."
"What did you show her, Moxxies dick size?" Loona commented snidely, annoying Moxxie and causing Benedict to raise an eyebrow.
"Your turn, Benny!" Blitzo grabbed Death's hand and stuck it to the side of Benedicts head before either could protest, causing his eyes to also turn black.
"Ohh... That's, uhmm... huh." Benedict was sweating slightly and gulped. "Very... Interesting." He pulled the hand off, eyes returning to normal, though he still looked quite nervous.
"Oh, come on Benny, you little bitch baby, it can't be that bad." Blitz taunted him, grabbing Deaths hand and putting it to the side of his head while he grumbled something about ruined manicures.
"Wait, so do your hands just... do that?" Moxxie asked, still by Millies side as she rocked back and forth.
Death sighed, his tiny skeletal shoulders slumping in exasperation. "Yes, my hands have a bit of a side effect, you see. They tend to bring out the darkest fears and anxieties in people. Makes sex rather complicated, I gotta say."
"That's kinda hot." Blitzo piped up, earning him a look of disgust from Benedict, Death, and even Millie, who was snapped out of her stupor by his sheer lunacy.
Death pulled his hand away quickly, pulling out a bottle of hand sanitizer. "Right." He started as he cleaned his hands as thoroughly as possible. "As... entertaining, as this had been, I'm still here on business." He put the sanitizer away. "I've a man I need offed."
"Alrighty, name your target, and we'll off him any way you want. Heck, we even killed a guy by shoving a whole ass table up his ass. Hilarious." Blitz prattled on, making Moxxie groan as he remembered that endeavor.
Death chuckled, before slowly stopping as he observed the others. "He's joking, right?" He asked the room at large, disturbed.
"Sadly not. I remember it specifically because he forced me and Millie to watch." Moxxie complained.
"Oh, come on Mox, it wasn't that bad. Besides, it gave us some inspiration for the bedroom that night." Millie, who was now on her feet again, said cheerfully, causing Moxxie to become flustered.
"That's very inappropriate, Millie, especially when we have a client around! Tell me about it later!" Blitz told her off, before turning back to Death. "Now who do ya' want fucked?" He got another look of disgust from the room. "Over. I meant fucked over. What kind of pervert do you take me for?"
Death coughed slightly, getting everyone's attention. "The man I need killed and or fucked is named Thomas Virgil. He has successfully created an immortality serum, which, as you can imagine, would be a real pain in my pelvis." He explained.
"Wait, why can't you do it?" Moxxie asked.
"Well, good ol' Lucifers had me busy with managing Hells taxes after that guy- What was his name- Bendy Frank, suggested that Death and taxes went well together." A look of annoyance crossed Deaths face. "Really doesn't leave much time for surface work."
"So you need us to kill him before he makes everyone immortal." Benedict finished, getting a nod from Death.
"You'll find him at a convention in D.C, where he's showing off the product." Death supplied.
"Great, let's go fuck some bitches!" Blitz yelled, confusing Death again.
"We haven't even arranged payment yet." Death pointed out as Blitz grabbed the book from Loona and opened a portal in the middle of the floor.
"Pay us money!" Blitz yells, before jumping in the portal, soon followed by Moxxie and Millie, then Benedict, who sighed at his boss's attitude.
"...Eh. Still better organized than my office." Death muttered to himself as he disappeared in a puff of black smoke.
Loona stuck her feet on the table, evidently ready to slack off for the rest of the day, until the company rotary phone decided to ring. With a growl, she snatched it up. "FUCK OFF!" She yelled into it, before slamming it back into the holder aggressively, breaking the phone holder in half.
. . .
The group dropped from the portal, right at the doors of the convention, almost scaring the pants off of the security guard, who quickly pulled out his pistol. "What the hell are you?!" He asked, panicked.
"We're just imp assassins sent to murder Dr. Virgil." Benedict told him directly, causing him to let out a sigh of relief and lower his gun.
"Oh thank god, I thought you were furries. Please, come right on in." He opened the door, letting them into the bustling science convention. It was very white and clean, with large skylights letting in light from above. Taking a brief glance around, several different exhibits could be seen, including a nuclear fusion prototype, a plasma gun, and a... baking soda volcano. Even professional conventions cannot escape baking soda volcanoes.
"Oh my god." Blitz exclaimed, shocked by the sight of the many lab coated people walking through the convention. "I've never seen so many virgins in one place in my whole life."
"Sir, we're here to kill Virgil, not make fun of the convention goers." Moxxie said, with Blitz waving him off.
"Making fun of people's half the job!" He explained, before Benedict grabbed their attention again.
"Back on topic, this is our target. Thomas Virgil." He pulled out a black and white, vintage Polaroid, showing a man in his late 40's with black hair and a full beard, in a lab coat.
Blitz squinted at the photo. "Why the fuck is it in black and white?" He asked.
Benedict sighed. "The same reason you have me do paperwork on a typewriter. Budget cuts." He paused for a second. "At least that's why I assume you're having me use a typewriter. And you're lucky I even know how to."
Benedict got himself back on topic. "Anyway, we ought to split up and look for this guy. Millie, I'm going to need you to- Millie?" He looked around, only to see her fawning over one of the exhibits.
"Millie!" Moxxie shouted, running off after her.
"Well, I guess it's just you and me, si- Oh god dammit!" Benedict exclaimed, seeing Blitz stuffing his pockets with various pens and free merchandise from the various vendors.
"What? It's free!" He yelled in his defense, only to get distracted by a food cart rolling by. "Ooh! Pretzels!" He ran off after it did a swan dive into the cart, smashing it and scattering pretzels everywhere, and also spooking the living hell out of the driver.
"Alright, guess I'm taking this one solo." Benedict muttered to himself as he walked into the crowd, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible.
As Benedict walked through the aisles, he overheard some very strange conversations. Two scientist argued about how to classify Pluto, which quickly descended into a brawl, while another one tried desperately to convince people that the periodic table was influenced by demons, which two people in black suits with labels saying "D.H.O.R.K.S" on them, a man and a women, paid closed attention to.
Eventually, he found what he was looking for, in the form of a large sign, which read "The Immortality Serum (Bubblegum Flavor!), Demonstration Live!"
. . .
Back in the office, Loona was dealing with a furious client who had been on the receiving end of some less than professional behavior by I.M.P.
"I demand to speak with your supervisor!" He yelled, causing Loona to roll her eyes. He was a fairly portly sinner, wearing suspenders and a white shirt.
"You're talking to her." She said bluntly, causing the man to sputter in disbelief.
"Well, I want a full refund! Your team didn't do anything about my problem!" He complained, causing Loona to raise an eyebrow.
"And what was your problem exactly?" She asked him.
"My wife! She's a demon in the sack! I can't keep up!"
"I don't think that's our area of expertise, dude." Loona deadpanned, causing the man to storm out in a huff.
. . .
Benedict navigated his way through the convention, dodging scientists arguing about whether the curvature of space-time made it hot and conspiracy theorists claiming that the moon landing was faked and actually took place on Mars.
He finally arrived at the Immortality Serum demonstration area, which was a large, amphitheater like room with skylights. The stage and area around it was buzzing with activity, and a large crowd had gathered, all eagerly awaiting the presentation.
On the stage and surrounded by various pieces of scientific equipment, Virgil held a colorful vial of the Immortality Serum in his hand and spoke enthusiastically into a microphone. "Ladies and gentlemen, behold the future of mankind! With this incredible discovery, you'll never have to worry about death again! You'll live forever, and it even comes in bubblegum flavor to appease our corporate overlords!"
Benedict walked down the rows of seats in the room, and noticed several different people scattered about the seats, in suits far too professional for the occasion, and figured that they were probably a threat, and quickly got to work dispatching them.
The first one he did in by simply strangling him from behind with his hands, having to hang onto his back due to the difference in height, before leaping into the rafters. For the second, he hung down from the rafters about with his tail and stabbed him in the back, pulling the body up and hiding it in the rafters. For the third one, he dove down onto and chopped his head off with his hatchet, somehow not getting anybody's attention, despite the head rolling directly into a nearby spectators lap. Fourth, he stuffed a shoe he looted from the last guy down his throat, choking him, and for the fifth, he gave him a poisoned cup of water, which he politely accepted and drank, being parched, before clutching his throat and keeling over, foaming at the mouth.
Virgil continued his sales pitch, oblivious to the danger lurking nearby. "But wait, there's more! Order now, and we'll throw in a vial of our 'Youthful Appearance' serum, absolutely free!" He held up another vial, filled with a glowing liquid that promised eternal youth.
As Benedict continued to sneak closer, he noticed a distinct feeling that he was being watched. He turned his head slightly to the side, spotting the two agents from earlier, both wearing suits and sunglasses indoors, despite the convention's lighting.
Agent One leaned in to whisper to Agent Two. "I told you we should've worn lab coats. We'd blend in better."
Agent Two nodded in agreement but kept her eyes on Benedict. "Should we be concerned about the imp murdering all our agents right now?"
Benedict, in the meantime, was slowly closing the gap between himself and Virgil, sneaking between the seats. He pulled out a concealed pistol, and pointed it at the doctor, lining up his shot.
"Hey, Dr. Virgin! Just the man I was looking to murder!" Blitzo called out from behind Benedict as he entered the room, startling the ever living hell out of Benedict and causing his shot to go wild, popping a nearby child's balloon, and causing a panic as people fled the room in droves.
"It's Virgil." The doctor in question pointed out, annoyed and unbothered by the chaos around him.
"Sir, what the fuck are you doing?! We need to kill him!" Benedict asked him angrily.
"Come on, we all know you're a virgin." Blitz told Virgil, completely ignoring Benedict. "Anyways, I have to congratulate you on your serum, it's truly genius. Think of all the kinky shit we can do without dying now!" He exclaimed.
"That's not it's intended purpo-"
Just then, Moxxie and Millie burst through the door at the other end of the room. "Dr. Virgil! Have you considered the social and ethical implications of the serum?" Moxxie bellowed out, confusing the doctor, and causing the crowd to become even more chaotic.
"Why area you asking me this? Aren't you here to kill me?" Virgil asked exasperatedly.
Millie looked at Moxxie confused. "We are?" She asked earnestly.
"Yo- You're only now just realizing that? That's the whole reason we came here!" Benedict exclaimed angrily, gun still in hand.
Blitzo scratched his head and tried to regain his focus. "Right, right, killing the virgin guy." He then turned to Benedict with a grin. "Hey, Benny, why don't you do the honors? You seem really eager."
Benedict's eyebrow twitched as raised his pistol again, realizing he had lost the element of surprise. "Fine." He muttered and took aim with his gun.
Virgil took a step back, realizing he was cornered. "Look, whatever your problem is, we can talk this out. There's no need for violence."
Benedict rolled his eyes. "I don't get paid to talk. Just hold still."
Before he could make his move, Agent One and Agent Two finally decided to intervene, leaping between Benedict and Virgil. Agent One shouted, "Hold it right there, imp! We can't let you assassinate Dr. Virgil!"
Agent Two nodded vigorously, her sunglasses nearly falling off. "Yeah! We have a duty to stop you hellish creatures!"
Blitzo stepped forward, his eyes narrowing at the D.H.O.R.K.S. agents. "Okay, who the fuck are you guys, and why are you cock-blocking our assassination?" He demanded.
Agent One and Agent Two nervously exchanged glances, their confidence waning in the face of the chaos surrounding them. "We are D.H.O.R.K.S, the Department of... Uh..." Agent One turned to Agent Two. "What was the rest of it again?"
Agent Two shrugged. "I think it's something like... Demon Hunters... Or maybe Defenders of... uh... Really Kinky Stuff?"
Agent One nodded vigorously. "Yeah, that sounds about right! We're here to protect the world from supernatural threats!"
Blitzo couldn't help but burst into laughter. "You guys are a fucking joke! Demon hunters, huh? More like Dipshit Hunters! And what's with the sunglasses indoors? Trying to look cool, or just blind?"
Agent Two adjusted her sunglasses angrily. "Hey, they're cool!"
Agent One chimed in, "Yeah, they make us look mysterious and intimidating!"
Benedict sighed, growing increasingly impatient. "Can we get back to the killing part?" He had had enough of the absurdity and fired a shot towards Virgil. However, Agent Two from D.H.O.R.K.S. lunged forward, pushing Virgil out of the way and taking the bullet herself. She dropped to the ground with a dramatic flair, groaning as she clutched her side.
Agent One dropped to his knees next to Agent Two, tears welling up in his eyes. "No! Agent Two, hang in there! You can't leave me like this!"
Agent Two weakly lifted a hand to pat Agent One's shoulder. "It's okay, Agent One. Remember... we have... bulletproof vests..."
Agent One's sobs abruptly stopped as he realized the truth. "Oh, right! I totally forgot about those!" He helped Agent Two to her feet, and she dusted herself off, looking rather annoyed.
Benedict, unfazed by the agents, remained focused on his target. "Just die already, would ya?" He pulled the trigger, but before the bullet could reach its mark, a random intern lunged into the path of the bullet, stopping it. "Walter! No!" Virgil exclaimed.
Walter, the heroic intern, lay on the ground clutching his chest where the bullet had struck him. Virgil looked horrified, staring at the young man who had just sacrificed himself to save him. "Tell... My mother... I died..." Walter wheezed out, before collapsing.
Benedict grumbled in frustration as Walter's heroic sacrifice thwarted his assassination attempt. "Damn it, Walter! I have a job to do!"
Virgil, shrugged, and casually pushed Walters body aside with his foot. "Eh, no one liked that guy anyway."
Agent One and Agent Two decided to take a more proactive approach, as they both pulled out sleek, polished black pistols.
"You really think you can stop us, you dimwitted goons?" Blitzo taunted, cracking his knuckles. "I've killed things that would make you wet your little demon-hunting panties."
Agent One, still clutching his firearm, tried to sound imposing. "We won't let you harm Dr. Virgil! We're highly trained agents!"
"You call that highly trained? You guys couldn't even remember your own acronym." Benedict pointed out.
Ignoring the banter, Millie chimed in, pulling out her black and red battleaxe. "Well, looks like it's time to give these agents a taste of hell!" She lunged at Agent Two, and her battleaxe swung through the air with a menacing whoosh.
Agent Two swiftly ducked, narrowly avoiding the deadly strike. "Nice try, demon!" She taunted, before shooting at her, shooting her in the arm.
Millie's eyes flared with anger as the bullet left a shallow cut on her arm. "Oh, you're in for it now, lady!" She growled, her battleaxe whirling dangerously as she swung it at Agent Two.
Agent Two narrowly hopped backwards, dodging the attack as Millie's sheer strength embedded the axe into the floor of the stage. "Agent One, we need backup!" She called out, panicked.
Agent One, who was in a firefight with Benedict and Blitzo and taking cover behind a table, yelled back, "I know, Agent Two!"
Millie yanked her battleaxe out of the floor with a mighty heave, a determined look in her eye. "You're gonna regret that, sweetheart!" she snarled, swinging the massive weapon towards Agent Two once again.
Agent Two's eyes widened in fear as she scrambled to evade the attack, her sunglasses nearly falling off her face, firing another shot at Millie, which hit her directly in the leg.
Millie let out a howl of pain as Agent Two's bullet tore through her leg. She stumbled but managed to maintain her grip on her battleaxe. Gritting her teeth, she glared at the agent. "You little bitch! I'm gonna enjoy ripping you apart!" With a growl, she yanked the battleaxe out of the stage.
Millie, fueled by a mixture of fury and pain, swung her battleaxe once more at Agent Two, who managed to sidestep the attack narrowly. The agent, still recovering from the adrenaline rush, fired off another shot, this time hitting Millie in the shoulder, causing her to drop her battleaxe.
Millie's shoulder throbbed with pain as she dropped her battleaxe. She stumbled back, clutching her wounded shoulder. "You... little... shit." She hissed through gritted teeth.
Moxxie, seeing his wife injured, rushed to her side, brandishing a firearm. "Hang in there, Millie! I've got your back!" He aimed his gun at Agent Two.
Agent Two, still keeping her cool, took aim at Moxxie, determined to stop him from assisting Millie. "Don't even think about it." She warned, squeezing the trigger.
Just as she fired, Millie used her immense strength to grab Moxxie and hurled him like a projectile towards Agent Two. Moxxie yelped in surprise as he soared through the air, narrowly avoiding Agent Two's shot as he collided with her, sending her tumbling to the ground.
Blitzo, seizing the moment, fired a shot from his golden flintlock pistol, sending a projectile streaking toward Agent One, who was locked in a firefight with Benedict.
"Ah, shit!" Agent One exclaimed, diving behind a display table for cover just in time to avoid Blitzo's shot.
Benedict, on the other hand, was in a deadly firefight with Agent One. Bullets flew between them as they sought to outmaneuver and outshoot each other, with Benedict taking shelter behind an overturned table that once housed stacks of convention pamphlets.
Amidst the chaos, a puff of black smoke materialized beside Benedict. Death had appeared, floating off the ground with a bucket of popcorn. "Hey Benny!" He remarked cheerily, tossing a piece of popcorn into his eye socket, where it fell straight through him due to his lack of intestines."Mind if I watch?"
"Death, for the love of hell, can you help me out here?" Benedict hissed through gritted teeth as he rolled behind another piece of cover.
Death, still hovering nearby and tossing popcorn through himself, replied in his high-pitched voice, "Oh, don't be such a buzzkill, Benny! This is some good shit. Besides, I'm on my lunch break, and it's not every day I get to watch a demon assassin in action."
Benedict's frustration grew with every passing moment. "Lunch break? Really? You don't even have a stomach!" He peered around the corner and fired a shot at Agent One, who quickly ducked behind a table.
Death shrugged. "Fair point, but I just like the sensation of popcorn rattling around my insides." He casually tossed another piece of popcorn into his empty skull.
Meanwhile, Moxxie scrambled to his feet from Millies surprise throw, and quickly lunged over to grab his gun, which flew out of his hand. Unfortunately, Agent Two reacted quickly, and lunged at him, pinning the smaller imp to the ground, where they both struggled for the nearby pistol just out of reach.
As Moxxie and Agent Two grappled, Blitzo took advantage of the chaos to reload his golden flintlock. He carefully poured gunpowder and pushed a ball into the barrel, all the while humming a tune to himself.
"Excuse me, sir, do you mind not reloading your firearm so calmly while I'm trying to kill you?" Agent One shouted from behind his makeshift barricade.
Blitzo glanced over with a smirk. "Oh, I'm sorry, am I ruining the mood for you? My bad!" He blew a kiss in Agent One's direction before finishing his reload.
Back on the stage, Virgil had taken advantage of the distraction caused by the impromptu battle and had made a run for it, which was noticed by Benedict, who pulled out a grappling pistol and flew up to the rafters. Virgil dashed backstage, trying to leave the chaos and mayhem behind him. He neared a double door backstage, and ran as fast as he could, which, being a mildly overweight scientist, wasn't very fast.
Just before he could reach it, Benedict dropped down from above and landed just in front of the door, looking especially menacing in the dim lighting backstage. He menacingly pulled out his hatchet, which shone with a menacing sheen.
Benedict's eyes bore into Virgil's, and he didn't say a word. He didn't need to. The hatchet in his hand spoke volumes about his intentions.
Virgil's breath caught in his throat as he skidded to a halt. "Please, wait!" Virgil stammered, his voice trembling. "You don't have to do this. We can negotiate, come to an agreement!"
Benedict remained silent, his expression unyielding, as he took a step closer to Virgil. The hatchet gleamed ominously in the backstage lighting.
Death, who had followed him, remained floating nearby, still enjoying his popcorn and watching the intense standoff. "You know, Benny, with that hatchet and that trench coat of yours, you're starting to look like the embodiment of teen angst. Are you sure you're not auditioning for a teenage vampire romance?" He remarked, breaking the tense and dramatic atmosphere.
Benedict's eye twitched at Death's remark. "I am not auditioning for anything, you boneheaded moron." He retorted, his grip on the hatchet tightening. "And I'm not here for teenage drama. I'm here to do my job, which is to kill this guy." He jabbed the hatchet menacingly towards Virgil.
Virgil swallowed hard, his back pressed against the back wall of the backstage area. "Look, let's be reasonable here," he stammered, his voice shaking. "I can offer you... Money? Power? Immortality? Whatever you desire, just name it!"
Death floated over next to Virgil, wearing reading glasses and carrying a clipboard. "Okay, we'll take your soul, gallbladder, kidney, and firstborn child."
Virgil looked shock. "What in gods name do you need my gallbladder for?!"
"It's for my collection." Death explained. "I like to keep a variety of human organs around. My wife hates it, though."
Benedict looked over at Death. "Wait, you have a wife?" He asked, confused.
"Of course I do!" Death pulled out his wallet and opened it, which released a large chain of photos of his family that piled onto the floor.
"That's my wife, Margret." He pointed to a skeleton in a robe that looked similar to Death, except with rosy cheeks, a more feminine skull shape, and a flower on her forehead. "And that's my son, Timmy!" He pointed at a smaller, more childlike skeleton in a black robe with a propeller hat, who was happily hugging his father in the photo.
Just then, Agent One crashed through the backstage, pointing his gun at Benedict. "Hold it right there, you murderous demon!" He fired a shot, the bullet piercing straight through a photo of Death and his family.
"Hey! You just shot my wife!" Death complained.
Meanwhile, Moxxie and Agent Two were still struggling on the stage floor, locked in a desperate struggle for the nearby pistol. Moxxie was putting up a surprisingly good fight, despite his smaller stature.
Agent Two grunted as she tried to wrest the gun away from Moxxie's grip. "You're stronger than you look, imp!"
Blitzo, having finished reloading his golden flintlock, took aim at Agent Two and pulled the trigger. The projectile soared through the air and struck Agent Two's hand, causing her to scream in pain as she released her grip on the pistol.
Millie, despite her injured state, seized the opportunity. With a mighty heave, she grabbed Agent Two by her legs and swung her around like a ragdoll, building up momentum. With a tremendous toss, she hurled Agent Two through the curtain backstage, sending her crashing into Agent One. The agents crashed through the back wall, breaking through it and revealing a parking lot, and slamming into a car with a sleeping driver, a scruffy man in a baseball cap, behind the wheel, setting off the car alarm and startling the man awake.
"Agh! What da' fuck!" He yelled out, slamming down on the gas pedal in his stupor and speeding the car, with the agents still on it, away.
"Take that you men in black wannabe BITCHES!" Millie yelled angrily as she limped backstage, still wounded. Moxxie immediately rushed over to help his wife, supporting her as she leaned on his shoulder for balance.
Benedict, now thoroughly annoyed with the ongoing chaos, yelled out, "Anybody else have any objections before I promptly ignore them and murder Virgil?!"
Virgil, still trembling against the wall, mustered up the courage to speak. "Wait, please! I have something to say!"
Benedict rolled his eyes and snapped, "No one asked you!" He raised his hatchet, ready to deliver the fatal blow.
But just as he was about to swing, Death chimed in, "Hold on a minute, Benny! I need to grab that gallbladder while it's still fresh!" Without waiting for a response, Death lunged at Virgil, ripped open his stomach, and dived inside. He began digging around, causing Virgil to scream in agony.
Virgil clutched his stomach, writhing in pain. "Oh, Jesus Christ! What are you doing in there?!"
Death's voice echoed from inside Virgil's abdomen. "Just grabbing your gallbladder, no need to worry! It'll be over soon! And my names Death, not Jesus! He's my cousin!" He dug around, sending bits of flesh and blood splattering out, some of it unfortunately landing on Benedict, who seemed more annoyed than anything.
Virgil's screams had transformed into incoherent pleas for mercy. "Please! Just get out of me! I'll do anything!"
Death's voice echoed from inside Virgil's body, his tone surprisingly cheerful considering the circumstances. "Anything? Well, in that case, I've always wanted a pony!"
Virgil's eyes widened in terror. "A pony? Are you insane?"
Death continued his gallbladder hunt, undeterred. "Come on, it's just a little pony. I promise I'll take good care of it!"
Benedict, growing increasingly impatient, leaned closer to Death's disembodied voice. "Death, can we please focus on the task at hand?"
Death, still partially inside Virgil's abdomen, let out a triumphant cheer. "Got it!" He emerged from the bloody mess, clutching Virgil's gallbladder triumphantly. "I've got a gallbladder now!"
Virgil, now pale and weak from the ordeal, could only gasp for breath as Death emerged, gallbladder in hand. "You... You're insane." He managed to wheeze out, before finally giving in and dying, probably due to all the organ shuffling and the large hole in his chest.
As Virgil's lifeless body slumped to the ground, Death inspected his newly acquired gallbladder with glee. "Perfect! This'll go great in my collection!" He proudly tucked it away in between his ribs for safekeeping. Then he pulled up his sleeve and looked at his watch. "Welp, lunch breaks over." He pulled out a bag of souls and tossed it towards Blitzo, who eagerly lept into the air and nabbed it. "That's probably enough to cover the cost. See ya!"
He then vanished in a puff of black smoke, causing Benedict to go into a coughing fit. "Goddammit, I really have to bring my gas mask more often." He muttered.
. . . The Next Day . . .
"Goddammit, Sir!" Benedict exclaimed, walking into the I.M.P office and throwing his coffee to the ground in a fit upon seeing his bosses newest choice in decoration.
"Look, we had lots of money left over from the Death job-" Blitz explained, trying to justify his actions.
"You had one job!" Benedict said, annoyed at him. "Don't buy the horse statue! And what do you do? Buy the horse statue!"
A/N: So! The first custom chapter. This one wasn't too bad originally, but I felt the ending was a little bland/forced. Also, the D.H.O.R.K.S inclusion was originally just meant to be a one off thing, but kind of spiraled into them being the antagonists of the chapter. And I will note, this isn't well reflected in truth seekers as of updating this chapter, but I plan to edit that chapter as well, to make it make more sense. Again, feedback is appreciated.