The gray van cruised down the street as Blitzo and his crew listened to the music playing on the radio. Blitzo, sitting in the driver's seat, sang along poorly to the song "Mustang Dong."
"I love this song!" Blitzo exclaimed, his voice filled with enthusiasm. He attempted to sing along, but his singing was far from perfect. "You were a spicy little- uh- Demon with the- uh- bleach blonde haaaair!"
Sitting beside Blitzo in the passenger seat, Loona looked mildly annoyed by his singing. Meanwhile, Moxxie covered his non-existent ears in the backseat, Millie rolled down her window, smiling, and Benedict sat in between the two, arms crossed with a blank look on his face.
"Fieeendin' for that semen when I caught your stare…" Blitzo continued singing as they drove into a crowded parking lot.
"Thought it might be love, but you went-" Blitzo sang before abruptly stopping as a pink car pulled into the remaining parking space.
"Oh, shit! Fu-" He slammed on the brakes, causing the van to skid to a stop. Blitzo turned off the radio and glared at the person in the pink car, noticing the license plate that read "SUCKS-4-LIFE."
"Oh, you 'suck for life,' do ya?!" Quickly, Blitzo grabbed a megaphone and yelled into it. "Listen up, you unoriginal pink cum dump! You have three goddamn seconds to get your tits out of my parking spot!"
The passenger of the pink car stepped out, wearing high heels. Blitzo lowered the megaphone, his expression turning to shock.
"Oh, shit! Verosika!" Blitzo exclaimed.
Verosika was a tall, pink skinned succubus, wearing a skimpy black dress, with a large fur coat loosely worn over it, and had long blond hair, with sunglasses that had a heart shaped design on the lenses.
Verosika blew a bubble of pink gum before it popped. "Blitz-o." She replied, her voice filled with amusement.
"I should have known you'd be here. I could smell fish for miles, which is odd because I believe the nearest ocean is-" Blitzo fell out of the window of the car, faceplanting onto the ground. "three rings down!" He finished, quickly standing up again.
"And I should have known you'd be here when I heard the Amber Alerts." Verosika retorted.
"Oh, yeah? I'm surprised they let your fat ass outta rehab. I can see you're still a drunken whore, clutching onto that Beelzejuice bottle like it's the last cock in Hell!" Blitzo yelled back.
Verosika dramatically flipped her long hair back. "They let me out because I'm still famous. And rehab is for sad, loser wash-ups." She replied, taking a drink from her bottle. "So your sister says hi."
Blitzo stepped in front of Verosika, his anger evident. "Why are you parking here?! This is the ONLY parking spot my company has! So take your tampon race car somewhere else!"
"Actually, prick. It has my name on it," Verosika said, pointing down to her name written in purple spray paint on the ground. The letters "I.M.P" were crossed out.
Of course, this is when Benedict, strolled out of the car, annoyed. "Alright, who do I have to shoot to get our parking space ba-" He started to ask, annoyed, before grimacing as he realized who he was addressing. "Miss Verosika." He acknowledged through grit teeth.
Benedict's arrival caught Verosika's attention, and she looked at him with a smirk. "Well, well, if it isn't my favorite sourpuss bodyguard. Still desperate for a taste of this, huh?" She taunted, winking at him suggestively.
"I never was, nor will I ever be." Benedict grumbled, irritated and not looking at Verosika, shoulders hunched.
Verosika smirked. "Well, your 'little friend' down there seems to be giving you away. Or is that just a gun in your pocket?" She teased, pointing at Benedicts crotch, which seemed to have something stiff in it.
"How very astute of you." Benedict sarcastically remarked, before reaching into his pants and pulling out an actual semi auto pistol, surprising Verosika. "Now get the hell out of my parking spot before I shoot you. What the hell are you even doing here anyway?"
She quickly pulled herself back together. "I'm doing a bit of freelance for one of the infinitely more successful companies in the building." She announced, her sunglasses reflecting the sunlight.
Loona, watching from the van, couldn't believe her eyes. "No way..." she murmured.
"They wanted to have me come in this week to lead their team during spring break." Verosika continued, removing her sunglasses.
"A WEEK?!" Blitzo exclaimed, his frustration evident. "No, no, you are NOT parking here for a fuckin' week!"
Verosika smirked, mocking Blitzo. "Awww, you mad, Blitz-o? You gonna run off, leaving someone else to pay for the hotel room, steal their car and..."
"Run three rings to Wrath and max MY credit cards on shitty horse riding lessons?!" Verosika and Blitzo both said in unison.
"Goddamn it, whore, you will NOT let that go!" Blitzo retorted.
"She really won't. I had to listen to her complain about it daily." Benedict sourly remarked.
Verosika gave Blitzo a challenging glare. "Choke on a sandpaper cock."
With a flip of her middle finger, Verosika walked away, leaving Loona cowering in the van. Blitzo, unable to let it slide, followed her, determined to confront her.
"HOLD ON!" Blitzo shouted, catching up to Verosika. "You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I'm gonna..."
But before Blitzo could finish his threat, a towering muscular Hellhound with black fur appeared behind him, growling menacingly. Fear washed over Blitzo's face as he stuttered, "Or I'll... uh... uh, I'll call HR!"
In an unexpected turn of events, Verosika, Blitzo, and the Hellhound burst into laughter, their tension diffusing as if they were part of a sitcom. Benedict chuckled nervously, not quite sure what was going on. "Are we shooting her or not?" He asked aloud, but was ignored.
"Anyway, meet my new Hellhound, Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." Verosika bragged, introducing her bodyguard to the group.
Benedict simply raised an eyebrow. "Really? This is my replacement?" He asked, unimpressed.
Verosika gave Benedict a sultry smile, her eyes locking onto him. "Oh, Benedict, I'd take you back in a heartbeat if you'd let me." She purred, approaching him.
Blitzo decided now was the time to intervene, stepping between the two. "Hey! Only I get to fantasize about fucking my employees!"
"I'm sorry, what?" Benedict raised an eyebrow.
Verosika glared at Blitzo, before turning back to Benedict. "Anyway, if you want to ditch this loser, call me, Benny, and we can have some real fun." Verosika blew a kiss at Benedict, only deepening his scowl, before throwing a calling card to him which he caught.
She glanced over her shoulder and flipped Blitzo off as she left.
"Ta-ta, fuck stain." Verosika added, looking back at Blitzo before departing.
Blitzo sighed in frustration. "I wasted so much time with a bag of holes like that." He muttered.
"For once, I agree with you, sir." Benedict stated, pulling out a handheld flamethrower and torching the card he'd been given.
Loona kicked open the van door and stepped out. "You two know Verosika Mayday?!" She exclaimed.
"I had the misfortune of working for her." Benedict remarked sourly, dusting the ashes off his hands.
Blitzo seemed momentarily caught off guard. "Huh...? Oh, yeah. Her, yeah. We dated."
Millie popped out from the van window. "Was it before or after she became a pop star?"
Moxxie opened the van door and stepped out. "You dated a pop star?"
"Helloooo, it's Verosika Mayday?" Loona pointed out.
"It's you?" Millie said.
"I just..." Moxxie looked confused. "Is she blind? Suffering some form of brain damage?"
"I really don't see why you'd willingly date that whore." Benedict remarked grumpily.
"Hey! You have no right to judge me Benny, I know you fucked her at least once!" Blitzo said accusingly, deflected the attention onto Benedict.
Benedict looked flustered. "Wha...? No! That's not... I... We're not... I wouldn't... I did not! She tried, though. Multiple times. I quit because she wouldn't stop trying." He replied defensively, arms crossed and looking angry.
Blitzo and the rest of the crew stared at Benedict in disbelief, Blitzo's jaw hanging open. Millie was the first to break the silence. "You... turned down a hot pop star who was throwing herself at you?"
"Of course I did." Benedict muttered grumpily. "She's an insufferable harlot, who can't take 'no' for an answer."
Moxxie, ever the voice of reason, looked genuinely puzzled. "But why did you even work for her in the first place if you knew what she was like?"
Benedict sighed, running a hand through his hair, which only slightly managed to ruffle it. "I was desperate for a job, alright?"
. . . Flashback: A few months ago. . .
Verosikas office was a dingy building, which looked more like a mix between a college dormitory and a nightclub, with shed pieces of clothing, empty bottles of alcohol, questionable fluid stains, an entire bar, and the necessary stripper pole in the corner. The neon lights were flickering, casting odd, shifting shadows across the room, and there were posters of Verosika's album covers plastered all over the walls. The succubi and incubi were lounging on couches, some sipping on various beverages and others in various states of intimate activity. The air was heavy with the scent of alcohol and desire. Outside, there was a horde of fans, clearly more so interesting in Verosika herself than the job she was hiring for.
Within this crowd, Benedict squeezed through, trying to reach the doorway. Just as he squeezed through the crowd and into the slightly less cramped room, a small incubus wearing a "I LUV VEROSIKA" t-shirt crashed into the wall beside him, who clearly tried, and evidently failed, to get hired.
"NEXT!" A voice yelled, prompting a confident imp to swagger out of the crowd, approaching Verosika herself, who was wearing her trademark fur coat and black dress, and was seated on a lavish, plush red velvet couch. She was surrounded by her posse of succubi and incubi, each with a seductive aura of their own.
The imp introduced himself as "Slick," and he started flexing his non-existent muscles. "Hey there, gorgeous. I'm Slick, and I'm here to be your personal bod-"
"Eh. Too fat. NEXT!" Verosika yelled, interrupting Slick.
"W-wait, I can-" Slick's protest was cut short as the succubi and incubi in Verosika's posse swooped in, grabbing him by his arms and legs, and swiftly tossing him out of the window, shattering it as he screamed while hurling towards the ground.
'Waste of a perfectly good window.' Benedict thought to himself.
"Next!" Verosika called out impatiently, not even acknowledging the broken window or the unlucky imp who had just been launched out of it.
Benedict pushed his way through the horde and approached the pop star with an air of professionalism, even though the situation was far from professional. He extended his hand for a formal handshake. "Benedict, ma'am." He introduced himself in his usual monotone.
Verosika, with an arched eyebrow, shook his hand, her grip surprisingly firm. "Hmm, you don't seem as desperate or pathetic as the others." She mused, eyeing him up and down. "Bit short, however."
"I'm average height, thank you." Benedict responded, irked.
Benedict's response earned a few chuckles from Verosika's posse, and even she cracked a slight smile. "I like your attitude, Benny. Playing hard to get, are we?" She said, her voice dripping with flirtatious sarcasm.
Benedict was visibly flustered by the sudden attention from the seductive pop star. "I assure you, I'm here for a job, not for your... 'charm.'" He retorted, his voice as dry as the Sahara.
Verosika chuckled, leaning in closer to him. "Well, I do need a new bodyguard, and you're not completely repulsive. You'll do." She announced nonchalantly. "Don't get too comfortable, though. I get bored easily."
As she spoke, the previous interviewee, Slick, managed to climb back up through the shattered window, covered in dirt and glass shards. "You're really hiring-" He fell out of the window face first onto the floor. "This shrimp over me?!"
Verosika rolled her eyes at Slick's antics, clearly unimpressed. "Benedict, darling, could you deal with this pest for me?" She said casually, pulling out a flask of beezlejuice and taking a swig.
Benedict, ever the professional, reached into his coat and pulled out a sawed-off double-barrel shotgun. Without hesitation, he aimed it at Slick, who had managed to stagger to his feet.
"Wait what are you-" Before Slick could react, there was a loud BANG, and Slick's groaning was abruptly silenced as he fell limp, his body riddled with buckshot.
Several of Verosika's posse members gasped, while others nonchalantly sipped their drinks or continued their intimate activities as if nothing unusual had happened. Verosika, however, was visibly irritated. "What the hell, Benedict?! I told you to deal with him, not blow his brains out!" Verosika scolded, clearly annoyed at the mess Benedict had made in her office.
Benedict shrugged, holstering his gun and tossing Slicks body over his shoulder like it was a bag of potatoes. "You said to deal with him, so I did."
Verosika huffed, clearly exasperated by Benedict's matter-of-fact approach to the situation. "Just clean that up, will you? It's so annoying when they bleed all over the carpet."
. . . End Flashback. . .
Blitzo couldn't resist chiming in, his signature smirk creeping onto his face. "Desperate? Or maybe you secretly wanted to tap that sweet popstar ass, Benny?"
Benedict's cheeks were flushed as he glared at Blitzo. "You're the last person I'd take relationship advice from, sir. And for the record, I had no interest in 'tapping that sweet popstar ass.' I've been trying to avoid it since day one!"
Blitzo laughed, thoroughly enjoying Benedict's discomfort. "Come on, Benny, you should've at least tried it once for the experience. She's famous! You could've bragged about it!"
Benedict hunched up a bit and looked embarrassed. "I have no interest in romantic entanglements, especially not with an idiot like her. I do my job, and that's all." He turned to the rest of the group. "Can we please get back on topic?" He asked, incredibly annoyed.
Blitzo sighed. "Fine then. Keep your secrets. Millie, you find a spot for the van." He threw Millie the keys, before turning to the rest of the group. "Okay, Loonie, Moxxie, Benny, lets go handle this shit."
...
The elevator door opened, revealing Loona, Moxxie, Benedict and Blitzo exiting an elevator. Loona, her steps filled with nervousness, proceeded cautiously.
"Do you think they saw me? Fuck! I did my makeup poorly today!" Loona exclaimed in frustration.
Blitzo, his eyes sparkling with admiration, smiled at her. "Oh, you look perfect, Loonie! Like always~"
Loona narrowed her eyes and scowled. "Shut UP, da—"
Blitzo's face beamed with adoration, but Loona caught herself just before referring to him as "dad" and quickly pushed him aside. "Urgh! Blitzo!"
Loona hastily examined her appearance in a handheld mirror, stepping over Blitzo in her haste and accidentally colliding with Vortex. Embarrassed, she looked up at Vortex, her face flushed.
"Oof! Oh... Woah..." Loona stammered.
Vortex glanced down at Loona, and she blushed, wagging her tail. Blitzo, noticing the interaction, smiled at Loona before gasping in shock. He swiftly positioned himself between Loona and Vortex, his arms extended protectively.
"Hiiii, big man. Where's your bitch bag of an employer?" Blitzo inquired, his tone laced with sarcasm.
Vortex gestured towards a nearby room adorned with neon pink hearts over double doors. "She's in her office. There wasn't enough space on the second floor, so they rented one here on this floor. It's cheaper."
"Fucking course she did." Benedict grumbled.
Blitzo groaned in frustration. "Oh, COME ON!"
Vortex scoffed apologetically. "Sorry, man."
The massive hellhound then walked away, prompting Blitzo to mutter under his breath, "Oh, no you don't, bitch."
Moxxie, interjecting with a suggestion, spoke to Blitzo. "Sir... how about you let me go in and try to reason with her? I don't really listen to what's classified as 'pop genre' music, so her status to me is merely name recognition..."
"Moxxie, shut the fuck up." Blitzo interrupted him.
Benedict quickly joined him, his professional instincts taking over. "I'll go with you, Moxxie." He said. Moxxie pushes open the doors and goes inside. The silhouettes of Moxxie, Benedict, Verosika and her gang of demons are seen through the glass window.
"Hello, Miss Verosika, was it?" Moxxie asks politely. "I work for I.M.P, and it is actually rather important for us to retain the singular parking space we were assigned, because-"
"Aw, look at the little one. He's got a wittle bow tie," Coco, one of Verosikas posse, cooed, pointing to Moxxie.
Another succubus member of Verosikas posse, Kiki, had managed to sneak up behind Benedict. "I remember you, shorty. Up for a threesome?" She asked in a sultry voice, putting a hand on his shoulder.
Benedict instinctively flinch back and spun around, shooting a quick, sharp glare at the succubus who dared to invade his personal space. "Don't touch me." He hissed, his discomfort evident.
Moxxie, on the other hand, tried to maintain his composure as he addressed Coco. "Please don't condescend me, ma'am. I—"
Josh, another member of the succubus gang, stepped closer to Moxxie with a sly grin. "Want a kissy, little guy?"
Moxxie took a step back, feeling overwhelmed by the attention and advances. "A kind offer, but… I'm married."
Verosika's smirk widened as she leaned towards them from her spot by the bar counter. "Hey… why don't you send a little message from me back to your limp-dick… boss?" Her posse bared their fangs as Benedict stepped back to back with Moxxie.
The demons advanced, encircling Moxxie and Benedict, their lustful intentions quite clear as they tries to grab at the two imps. Moxxie couldn't contain his panic any longer and let out a terrified scream. "Don't touch that!" He cried, grabbing onto Benedict for support.
Blitzo, who had been watching through the glass window, couldn't stand idly by any longer. He raced forward and slammed his hands against the window, yelling, "Moxxie, don't let her access any of your holes!"
A lot of shouting could be heard from the room, before Moxxie quickly scrambled back out through the door, disheveled and with lipstick on his face, and slammed it closed, his back to it. "I… I gotta go lie down… now." He stutters out, stumbling past Blitzo before crashing to the floor.
"Oh, this won't STAND!" Blitzo yelled angrily, turning to the door.
Blitzo took a deep breath, then with a burst of frustration, kicked both doors open, causing Verosika and her gang, as well as Benedict, to notice. "Alright! THAT'S IT!" He yelled angrily.
Benedict, who's clothes were disheveled, trench coat unbuttoned, and hair ruffled from the encounter, took the opportunity to step back from the Succubi and pull two handguns out from his coat, aiming them at the succubi that were harassing him moments ago. "Back off, you lecherous vermin." He growled, his irritation evident in his voice.
Blitzo stormed into the room, his rage boiling over as he got up in Verosika's face. "If you're gonna be shitty to my employees, then I challenge you to a fuckin'… challenge! Fuck, I said that twice." He pointed angrily at her, his frustration reaching new heights.
Kiki, still eyeing Benedict with a mischievous smirk, approached Blitzo. "Mmm… Is this imp boy starting a demon duel?"
Blitzo glanced at Benedict, who was now more focused on keeping his guns trained on the succubi. "Every year, you STD spreaders go up topside for easy pickin's while spring break is a prime time for crime of all kinds! So I bet... you succu-bitches can't fuck as many people as we can off by the end of the day."
The succubi burst into laughter, finding the challenge amusing. Blitzo, however, glared at them with determination. Verosika, leaning in toward Blitzo, spoke with a smirk, "Oh, you're serious?" She paused for effect before adding, "Game on… bitch."
. . .
Later at I.M.P Headquarters, the atmosphere was charged with anticipation. Blitzo stood confidently in front of a whiteboard, his back facing an easel adorned with several poorly drawn illustrations. Sitting attentively at a nearby table were the other members of I.M.P, ready to hear Blitzo's plan.
"Alright, shut your assholes!" Blitzo commanded, capturing everyone's attention. "Here's how we're gonna do this shit! First, we find a fuck ton of clients."
The animated drawings on the paper came to life, depicting Blitzo, Loona, Benedict, Millie, and Moxxie standing together, surrounded by a horde of imps and clients holding bags of money.
"We portal up." Blitzo continued, snapping his fingers, causing the I.M.P figures to fall down.
"We have our fun murder time as per usual." He declared with a wicked grin.
The drawings shifted, showing the I.M.P members eliminating human drawings with guns.
"Then," Blitzo went on, his voice dripping with mischief, "we pile all the bodies into a big fuckin' canoe."
The illustrations displayed the human bodies being tossed unceremoniously into a canoe labeled "S.S. Cum Gutter."
"We push said canoe into some water." Blitzo explained, his drawing kicking the canoe away from the dock.
"We light it on fire to attract the sharks and eagles 'n shit. Maybe a goose, too! Fuck it!" The animated drawings showcased sharks, snakes, eagles, and various creatures devouring the bodies engulfed in flames. The scene reached its climax as a colossal octopus chomped the entire ship, along with the animals.
"They come and eat the bodies, we win the bet!" Blitzo declared triumphantly.
The I.M.P drawings erupted in cheers, and Loona even wore a party hat to celebrate their impending victory.
"We rub it in that sloppy bitch's drunken whore-ass face." Blitzo added, his contempt evident as the drawn I.M.P members defiantly gave a Verosika drawing several middle fingers. The Verosika drawing, unable to withstand the ridicule, burst into tears.
Returning to the present, Blitzo addressed his team. "Do you have any questions?" he asked, punctuating his words by throwing a pointer stick through a nearby window.
Moxxie, ever the voice of reason, spoke up, "Uh, yeah. Why was that nonsense?"
Blitzo walked over to Moxxie, placing a hand around his shoulder. "That wasn't a question." he replied nonchalantly.
Moxxie, now slightly exasperated, retorted, "That wasn't a plan."
Blitzo tightened his grip on Moxxie's shoulder. "I'm sorry, but that was a flawless presentation of what we should do, Mox," he said condescendingly. "It's not my fault you got a smooth little brain upstairs."
Moxxie, taken aback, asked, "A what now?"
"I'm calling you slow, Moxxie," Blitzo clarified, his frustration evident. "God, why don't you learn to take criticism, you talentless baby-dicked troll?!" Blitzo prodded Moxxie's chest with his finger for emphasis.
In a fit of anger, Moxxie climbed onto the table, ready to defend himself. "Well, why don't you take an art class?" he retorted, pointing at Blitzo.
Blitzo swiftly grabbed Moxxie and forcefully threw him back into his chair. "Why don't you see how EXPENSIVE they are?!" he snapped back.
"Why don't we just put a bullet between her eyes and call it a day?" Benedict pointed out. "Besides, nothing of value would be lost. Her music's ove-" Blitzo quickly slammed his hand over Benedicts mouth.
"Trust me, you do NOT want to say that out loud." Blitzo advised, before his hand was shoved off by Benedicts.
"Overrated anyways." Benedict finished. Suddenly, in his pocket, his phone chimed, indicating a Impstigram notification.
"Told you so." Blitzo bragged as Benedicts phone chimed more and more, faster and faster.
"This is a flip phone!" He exclaimed, pulling the outdated device out of his pocket. "I don't even have Impstigram!"
"Hey, is their any way I can come with you guys this time?" Loona interrupted, as Benedict angrily poked at his device, before caving and pitching it out the window in frustration.
Blitzo's face twisted with disapproval as he quickly shut down her plea. "Absolutely not, I forbid it. Not gonna happen. Sorry, sweetie. Spring break is no place for young, vulnerable goth girls. You know the kind of FREAKS up there who'd drool all over you!"
Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie and Loona then proceeded to angrily glare at one of the walls of the room, much to Benedicts confusion. "Did I miss a company memo?" He asked aloud, though was ignored, as per usual.
Refusing to give up, Loona's voice quivered with determination. "Well, I... I can blend in with humans easy enough. Just let me tag along."
This caught Blitzo off guard. "Wait, say that again." He asked.
Loona shrugged nonchalantly. "I can... Blend in...?"
"Do you have a human disguise?" Millie asked eagerly.
"Yeah. Don't you?" Loona asked, causing the imps to look at each other nervously. "You four have been screwing around on Earth this whole fucking time… without human disguises?" She yelled angrily.
"I mean, I technically have one." Benedict grumbled defensively, causing all the eyes in the room to immediately turn to him. "Uh.. I mean..."
"You WHAT?!" Blitzo exclaimed. "Why the FUCK didn't you tell me?!"
Benedict shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny of his colleagues. "It's... It's a crappy locket with an Asmodean crystal." He admitted, pulling out a small, broken locket out from his coat. It was a rusty, heart shaped locket that was once a glimmering silver. The crystal inset in the middle was cracked and flickered faintly, and the locket was held together by duct tape. "Verosika gave it to me when I started working for her, as she goes to the human world frequently." He paused. "But considering the age and jizz stains, it's probably her old one." He remarked with some disdain.
Blitzo looked furious. "Are you fucking kidding me?! You had a way to access the human world this whole time, and you just let me whore myself out to that royal prick and his weird bird kinks?!"
Benedict, nervously shifting on his feet, spoke up. "Uh, sir, I should probably mention that the locket is kind of... broken. It can't make portals."
"Oh for fuck's sake, of course it is!" Blitzo yelled angrily. "Fine, new plan!" He hastily grabbed a piece of paper and a marker, scribbling furiously before hanging the makeshift sign on the easel. The paper depicted Loona and Benedict, surrounded by adoring humans, their hearts floating above their heads.
"Loonie and Benny can use their human disguises THAT HE DIDN'T FUCKING TELL ME ABOUT to seduce and lure the humans to us," Blitzo explained. "And we'll take care of the rest. Okay, how about that?"
"What?!" Benedict immediately objected. "I am not seducing anyone!"
"Flawless logic!" Millie chimed in cheerfully, ignoring Benedict's protests.
"I think you're missing the biggest issue, sir." Moxxie interjected, his brow furrowed with concern. "Isn't it crucial to have a client who demands enough kills to win this bet? We aren't just going up to massacre!"
Blitzo grinned, confident that he had thought of everything. "I got that covered, Mox," he assured, his tone oozing with self-assurance.
...
Blitzo plastered a ratty flyer on a nearby lamppost, clumsily reading "Spring Break Victim, 50% Off!" alongside crude drawings of himself, a lifeless victim, and inexplicably, horses. Blitzo sauntered back to where Moxxie stood, waiting with a mix of skepticism and disbelief.
"Now... we wait," Blitzo announced, his voice dripping with anticipation.
Moxxie couldn't help but voice his doubts. "Sir... there is no way we are going to get enough clients by the end of the day with one poorly spelled, bad grammar flyer!" he protested, his voice tinged with frustration.
As if on cue, Moxxie and Blitzo turned their heads to witness a surprising sight. Demons of all shapes and sizes had formed an orderly line, their eyes fixed on the ragged flyer. Blitzo's smug grin widened, and he playfully nudged Moxxie's side.
"Now, who's first?" He asked smugly, strolling towards the massive line of demons.
...
The waves crashed against the shore of a bustling beach in the human world. People strolled leisurely, basking in the warm sunlight and engaging in animated conversations. Among the crowd, five figures concealed themselves behind coral-covered rocks beneath a weathered dock. It was Blitzo, Benedict, Moxxie, Millie, and Loona, their eyes fixated on their surroundings.
"Now, remember, we can't be seen, alright? And loose shots will likely cause a panic, so Loona can help with leading targets to a better spot to off 'em. You got the list, Loonie?" Blitzo explained.
Loona skimmed through the long list in her hands and gave it a sniff, confirming her readiness. "Got it," she replied tersely.
Loona rose to her feet, and in a dazzling display of blue light, she transformed into a human version of herself. The other imps stared in awe, minus Benedict, who was too busy smacking his locket and trying to get it to work.
"Ohhhhh, Loonie, look at you," Blitzo exclaimed, a hint of amusement in his voice. "You look... downright awful!"
Loona glared at him, but before she could express her contempt, there was a loud bang and a massive puff of smoke erupted around Benedict. "God fucking- *Cough* -Every time!" Benedict exclaimed angrily, waving the smoke away from around him.
As the smoke cloud dissipated, Benedict's human disguise could be seen. To his dismay, he was still relatively short- I mean, average height. He had pale skin, black, slicked back hair that was in stark contrast to it's normal white, the same scar slashed across his right cheek, and instead of a broken left horn, he instead had a stump for his left ear. In terms of apparel, the only difference was that he was missing the trench coat, having a black, buttoned vest over his white collared shirt and red tie instead. Overall, he had the appearance of a beaten up Italian mobster in his early twenties.
The group stared at him for a few seconds as he coughed into his elbow, before Blitzo broke the silence. "Jesus fuck, you ain't seducing anyone like that."
Benedict raised an eyebrow. "Oh come on, it's not that bad."
"You know what? We'll just have to find someone desperate enough to lower their standards." Blitzo turned to Loona. "Go get em', Loonie!"
With a roll of her eyes, Loona peered ahead, her vision highlighting the human targets in a vivid red outline. She smirked mischievously and made her way toward a tall man sporting sunglasses. Loona extended her finger, gesturing toward his chest, and bestowed upon him a flirtatious grin. Motioning for him to follow, she led him toward a secluded alleyway. Against the wall, Loona leaned, her eyes fixated on the man as he reached out with lustful intent. Yet, before he could make his move, Blitzo, who had been spying from the rooftop, swiftly put an end to his advances with a fatal shot to the head. Loona received a thumbs-up from Blitzo, acknowledging her success.
The scene shifted, revealing a blonde man charging toward Loona in another dimly lit alleyway, his eyes filled with ravenous desire. However, Blitzo ensnared him with a noose, capturing him before he could reach her. Meanwhile, on a nearby rooftop, a brown-haired man leaned in for a kiss, aiming to seize the opportunity presented by Loona's presence. Millie swiftly intervened, delivering a powerful kick that sent the man plummeting off the edge and into a nearby dumpster, which Moxxie promptly slammed shut. Loona continued her walk, accompanied by a corpulent man, only for a flower pot to come crashing down upon his head. Meanwhile, Blitzo skillfully dispatched a woman with a knife, and Millie dealt a fatal blow to a white-haired woman using a spiked baseball bat, while Moxxie sniped another.
Benedict, however, was having far less luck in his endeavors. Summoning what little confidence he had, he sauntered up to a nearby bikini wearing brunette woman who was laughing with her friends. "Hey, you wanna go.. Uh... Make out?" He asked, giving his best attempt at a seductive smirk, but only managing to look constipated.
The woman let out a groan of disgust. "Ugh, fuck off, creep." She and her friends sauntered off, leaving Benedict alone.
He sighed. 'Okay, be less direst' He thought to himself, going over to another woman in a one piece swimsuit. "So, uh... Beach here has nice... Sand?" He managed to put together, only for the woman to give him a revolted look.
"I don't like sand." She replied, voice saturated with her utter contempt for the granulated rock, before stalking off.
"Well then why the hell are you at a beach?" Benedict muttered to himself, before letting out a defeated and embarrassed sigh and going back to join the others.
. . .
As the bodies piled up, Blitzo and his gang skillfully disposed of them, sealing them in bloodstained dark trash bags. In the background, Millie playfully jumped on another body, their actions carried out with an eerie efficiency.
Benedict walked over to join them, looking sullen, as Blitzo tied a particularly tight knot on a trash bag. "That's nine kills in the bag!" He exclaimed, his voice filled with grim satisfaction, before turning to Benedict. "Christ on a stick, Benny, you had one job! How hard is it to seduce people?!"
"Well... It's.. I mean, it's harder than it looks, sir." Benedict awkwardly mumbled in defense of himself.
"I swear to god, you're like a walking fuckin' chastity belt, ya' killjoy." Blitzo angrily accused Benedict, only for him to somehow look even more flustered.
Before Blitzo could berate Benedict further, the imps attention was diverted by a new arrival. Verosika, now in human form, a light brown skinned woman with blonde hair and pink undertones, appeared on the large, neon stage that was set up, addressed the enthusiastic spring breakers with a mischievous grin. "Alright, spring breakers! Y'all ready to get fucked up and make some BITCHIN' BAD CHOICES?!"
The crowd erupted into cheers, displaying their excitement for the forthcoming revelry. A devoted fan ripped his shirt open, proudly displaying Verosika's name scrawled across his chest.
"This is your final boarding call. All aboard~" The screens on the stage changed to display 'Fuck you Blitzo' on them, causing Blitzo to foam at the mouth in rage like some wild animal.
Verosika launches into her overly sexual song, causing the crown of humans to start making out with each other, as Verosikas succubi and incubi posse sneak into the crowd, working only to further their depravity.
"God DAMMIT!" Blitzo bellowed, his voice filled with irritation. "That bitch started her goadish mating call! Now, she's gonna win all these sex maniacs! We gotta pick things up, guys!"
Beside him stood a blonde man, his face twisted in discomfort as he vomited into a nearby container. Blitzo turned to him, pointing an accusatory finger.
"He on the list, Loonie?" Blitzo asked, seeking confirmation.
Loona, lost in her own distractions, tore her gaze away from Vortex, who was guarding the stage. "Huh? Yeah... I-I think so." She mumbled absentmindedly.
Blitzo nodded, satisfied with her answer. With a swift motion, he produced a menacing red and black axe.
"Oh, whoa! What are you? A leprechaun?" The blonde man exclaimed with a laugh.
Blitzo's voice was filled with a dark satisfaction. "Yeah... pretty cool, huh?"
In one swift strike, Blitzo cleaved the man's head in half with his axe, silencing his laughter forever.
"But you sure as shit ain't gonna tell nobody!" Blitzo declared, asserting his dominance. "Alright, next one, Loonie. C'mon! Loonie? Wait, where-...?"
"Wha- Wha- Wh-" Blitzo stammered, his voice filled with distress, tears welling up in his eyes. "WHERE'S MY BABYYYYYY?!"
Attempting to ease Blitzo's anguish, Millie pointed towards the stage. "Look!"
There she was, Loona, strolling purposefully towards Vortex. Blitzo's fatherly dread quickly transformed into seething anger. Loona, seemingly unfazed, checked her makeup, stepping over two men who had collapsed onto the ground, engaged in a passionate French kiss. Simultaneously, an unseen person hurled a bikini top, which landed haphazardly on Loona's head. She quickly discarded it before continuing.
Meanwhile, a fanboy rushed towards Verosika, who was performing on stage, belting out the next chorus of "Vacay to Bonetown." However, Vortex, ever vigilant, noticed the intruder and promptly delivered a powerful punch, driving the man headfirst into the ground. With a firm grip, Vortex dragged the unconscious man away into the distance.
Verosika took the spotlight, her voice soaring through the air. "Now, who wants a piece of this?!" She exclaimed, flinging her Beelzejuice bottle into the vast ocean. In an instant, a golden portal materialized, and from its depths emerged a fish, rapidly growing into a monstrous creature, poised to unleash havoc.
Loona's heart pounded as she nervously approached Vortex, a knot forming in her stomach.
"Heyyyy... you!" Loona stammered, her voice filled with a mix of anxiety and anticipation.
Vortex turned towards her, acknowledging her presence. "Oh, hey. You're the hound workin' for my boss's freaky ex," he remarked casually.
Loona chuckled awkwardly, feeling the need to apologize. "Yeah, sorry if that's weird."
Vortex shrugged nonchalantly. "It's cool. Her beef ain't mine. I'm not paid enough to care."
Relieved by his response, Loona continued, still visibly nervous. "Yeah! Yeah. I'm Loona!"
Vortex mimicked her nervous tone and smile, trying to put her at ease. "Okay, Loona. I'm Vortex!"
Loona's face flushed, realizing her slip-up. "That's hot... I mean, like, literally, y'know, 'cause vortexes... y'know, they give off heat. Probably. Right?" She nervously bit her lip, hoping he wouldn't think she was completely ridiculous.
Vortex chuckled, finding her words amusing. "Uh, yeah. I guess, but my friends call me Tex."
Loona attempted to recover from her embarrassment, laughing nervously. "Oh, yeah? I wish I had friends. I mean... No, I mean, I don't... I... I don't have friends."
Blitzo, being his usually poorly timed self, pops up right in between Loona and Vortex. "Am I... interrupting something?" He says accusingly, glaring at Vortex.
"Nah, man. Just having a conversation." The massive hellhound responds coolly.
"'Conversations'," Blitzo jabbed vortex in the chest with his finger. "Lead to HPV!"
. . .
Meanwhile, Benedict, Moxxie and Millie cautiously hid behind metal barrels, observing the exchange from a distance.
"We've lost him," Moxxie sighed, realizing Blitzo had been distracted once again. "Looks like it's up to us to handle this list."
Benedict sighed. "Of course it is." He grumbled, leaving Moxxie and Millie and weaving back into the crowd, most likely to murder a few of them.
Millie pumped herself up, adopting a determined expression. "Hell yeah! Team M and M, getting shit done, making the moneys!"
With newfound resolve, Moxxie and Millie embarked on their mission, leaving their hiding spot behind the barrels. They headed off into the sunset, ready to carry out their assigned tasks. Their first stop: the ice cream shop. Leaping up on the roof, they went in. Screaming could be heard and a gush of blood escaped from the front of the building as they finished their job. From there, they would leap across rooftops, taking down their targets one by one.
. . .
Benedict stalked through the crowd, having decided to ditch the poor attempts at flirtation and decided to just do what he did best: The assassination and murder of innocents. He stuck a knife in the back of a man who was chugging a beer, causing him to hack and sputter before falling onto the ground face first, dead. The person next to him sniffed her drink out of suspicion, then tossed it away.
Benedict quickly moved on, clambering up on the back of another beefy dude and starting to shank him violently.
"Hey man, that doesn't seem very nice, bro." One blonde surfer who was most likely high commented.
"Oh, uh... Don't worry, it's a..." Benedict paused his shanking for a second. "Consensual stabbing."
"Oooooh. Okay, man. Cool with me." The man shrugged and walked off as Benedict finished his victim off and hopped off his back.
. . .
Verosika, meanwhile, continued to sing the seductive verses of 'Vacay to Bonetown.' As she sang, she spotted Benedict moving through the sea of oblivious spring breakers, dragging a body behind him.
Verosika's eyes widened in recognition. "Wait a minute... isn't that my ex-bodyguard?" She silently mused, her seductive smile transforming into a mischievous grin. Seizing the opportunity to turn the situation in her favor, she motioned to her fans in the audience.
Taking advantage of her spotlight, she addressed her fans with a sultry tone, "Hey, darlings! Look who decided to crash our little beach party! None other than my adorable ex-bodyguard, Benny!"
Benedict looked up at the mention of his name, only to have to shield his eyes from the bright neon spotlights that focused on him, as well as the body he had been dragging through the crowd. "It's, uh- It's not what it looks like!" He quickly sputtered out an excuse, already faltering under the gazes of the crowd.
The crowd erupted into cheers as Verosika continued to manipulate the situation to her advantage. "Let's give him a warm welcome, shall we? Throw him up here, my lovelies!"
As if on cue, Verosika's fans eagerly obeyed her command, grabbing Benedict and tossing him onto the stage against his will. The imp's protestations fell on deaf ears as he was tossed from person to person.
With one final heave, Benedict was hurled through the air, completely out of control, and landed unceremoniously on the stage, disoriented and slightly battered. The impact knocked the rusty locket from around his neck, causing it to clatter away. As he groggily tried to regain his bearings, he realized that his human disguise was gone, leaving him exposed in his impish form.
The crowd erupted into laughter, cheers, and wolf whistles as Verosika seized the opportunity to make a spectacle out of Benedict as he staggered to his feet. Strutting over, she snatched up his locket from the ground. "Well, well, well. Keeping souvenirs of me, are we Benny?" She purred teasingly.
Beneidct glared at her. "I assure you, I only kept it for practical reasons, not for some deluded attraction towards you." He retorted, a profound bitterness in his voice.
Verosika only smirked at this. "Really? Or did you just want a reminder of how good I am in bed?"
Benedict merely gave her a blank look. "I'd rather shoot myself." He deadpanned.
Verosika chuckled, twirling the locket around her finger seductively. "Oh, Benny, you always knew how to kill the mood." Suddenly, she lunged forwards and grabbed his tie, yanking the startled imp closer to his dismay. "Let's see if you can handle me live on stage, my little imp." She whispered into Benedict's ear, her voice dripping with suggestive undertones.
Verosika suddenly grabbed one of his hands and twirled Benedict around, like they were doing some kind of tango, disorienting him. "Let's vacay to bonetown~" She sang into the microphone, to both the crowds delight, who cheered harder than ever, and to Benedict's horror.
. . .
Meanwhile, concealed behind a sturdy table laden with steel barrels of beer, Millie and Moxxie were hard at work. Millie deftly loaded a crossbow, giving it to Moxxie. Peering cautiously over the table's edge, Moxxie steadied himself, ready to take aim. But just as he prepared to release his bolt, a boisterous human man stumbled upon the scene, triumphantly tossing a beer can to the ground.
"Wooo! Yeah! Party! Let's do thiiiss!" The man bellowed with unruly enthusiasm, flipping the table over.
The force of his actions launched Moxxie and Millie into the air, leaving them momentarily weightless before gravity took hold once more. With an undignified thud, Moxxie landed in the midst of a bustling crowd. All eyes turned towards him, and a woman, her face twisted in repulsion, pointed a trembling finger in his direction.
"Eggggh! Oh my god, it's a fucking possum!" She exclaimed, her voice dripping with disdain.
Moxxie's heart sank as the woman's words reached his ears. "Oh, crumbs!" He muttered under his breath.
Driven by a desperate need to escape, Moxxie made a frantic attempt to scurry away. However, his efforts were abruptly halted when one of the partygoers managed to seize him by the tail, preventing his escape.
"I got it!" The man declared triumphantly, clutching Moxxie tightly in his grasp.
The man proceeded to force Moxxie into a barrel of beer, the liquid swallowing him up. A chorus of raucous cheers erupted from the crowd, their jubilant voices hailing the arrival of the "beer possum." The barrel became the center of attention as the revelers gleefully took turns propelling it through the air, like a macabre game of beer-soaked volleyball.
As the barrel soared through the room, a chant arose from the unseen participants.
"Beer possum! Beer possum!" Echoed a voice, the words carrying an air of intoxicated glee.
. . .
"Blitzo, get the fuck out of here! You're gonna get us all into shit!" Loona snapped, her annoyance evident in her tone.
"I just wanted to see what was so important that you'd be distracted from your job." Blitzo retorted in an accusing manner, leaning towards her as she glared angrily at him.
"What, I can't have a break?" Loona shot back, picking up Blitzo from where he was standing between her and Vortex and setting him back down on her other side.
Blitzo, undeterred, continued to press the issue. "We have a parking spot on the line!" He shouted back.
Vortex interjected, attempting to defuse the tension. "Hey, dude. Why don't you chill out?"
Blitzo, refusing to back down, retorted, "Why don't you stay out of it?! Okay, this is our business!" He emphasized his point by holding up a drawing with his tail, depicting a diagram of himself killing a human equating to money, and earning money equating to a horse. "Literally!"
Loona's frustration snapped as she yelled at her adoptive father. "Ugh, Blitzo! Why can't you stay out of my face for, like, five minutes?"
Blitzo, ever persistent, defended his position. "Because I adopted you! And that should mean something!" He quickly turned around, refusing to look at her with his arms crossed.
"Oh, what does it matter?! You're not my real dad! I was almost eighteen!" She shot back, extremely frustrated.
This clearly struck a nerve with Blitzo, who's eyes shot wide open. "It still counts!" He rebutted, leaning in for emphasis.
"Well, it shouldn't! I didn't need you then, asshole! I don't, now!" Loona turned away and crossed her arms, clearly angry.
Blitzo looked over at her in a mix of guilt and shame, but any trace of anything but anger faded from his face once he glanced at the stage, and saw Verosika continuing to toy with Benedict, who was still attempting to resist her advances. Blitzo's eyes narrowed, and a growl escaped his throat. "That succubus bitch!" He seethed, his voice a venomous whisper.
Shoving his way past the oblivious spring breakers, Blitzo stormed towards the stage, fueled by a mix of anger, bitterness, and a dash of genuine concern for his newest employee.
Before he could reach the stage, Vortex quickly grabbed onto his tail, holding the irate imp in place. "Whoa there, little guy! You can't be going onstage!" He explained, remarkably chill for the situation.
Blitzo, still furious, struggled to force his way out of Vortex's grip, to little avail. "Let me go, you oversized furball! That slut is fucking with my employee!"
Vortex simply shrugged. "Sorry, man. Rules are rules."
Meanwhile, back onstage, Verosika continued her provocative dance with Benedict, much to the delight of the rowdy spring breakers. The crowd roared with enthusiasm as Verosika pulled Benedict into an unexpected dip, causing the imp to stumble awkwardly.
She leaned in for a kiss, but Benedict, fueled by a mixture of panic, disgust, and a hint of survival instinct, swiftly tilted his head back before slamming it into Verosikas face, breaking free from her grasp and sending the popstar reeling back, momentarily stunned, also knocking the locket out of her hand, which he quickly snatched up.
With a well-aimed kick, Benedict sent Verosika tumbling off the stage and into the eager arms of her adoring fans. The crowd, fueled by a combination of idolization and unbridled lust, swarmed around her, creating a chaotic scene of groping hands and excited cheers.
"Oh shit!" Vortex, who had been holding onto Blitzo throughout the smaller imps attempts to break free, exclaimed, quickly dropping his grip on the smaller imp and rushing over to his bosses aid.
Blitzo, now free from Vortex's hold, leapt onto the stage, where Benedict was dusting himself off, still slightly disoriented from the unexpected tussle. He snatched the microphone that Verosika had dropped during the chaos and faced the bewildered crowd.
"Alright you horny fuck-shits! You ready to hear some real music?!" He bellowed out in rage as Benedict gave him a bewildered glance, before launching into his impromptu song.
(Song Starts.)
Blitzo: Oh, god I hate Verosika!
The crowd gasped
Blitzo: That's right, I said it!
Benedict: Sir, what are you doing?!
Blitzo: I do! I hate Verosika!
Benedict: Sir, while I agree with you, we have a job to do!
Benedict shot a nervous glance at Blitzo then the crowd, unsure of what to do.
Blitzo: I just don't get it! How a shitty little singer from a measly little band, Is suddenly the hottest act in Hell's grandstand?
Blitzo angrily walked around the stage, making various gestures during the lyrics.
Benedict, still somewhat panicked and confused, deciding it was about time he got back to work, and quickly hopped offstage and back into the crowd, pulling out his pistol before vanishing into the throngs of people.
Blitzo: Oh god I hate Verosika! Her songs are shitty. But, oh no, the great Verosika, that little turdy. And I also hate her audience, because they're all so dumb! That bastard doesn't care that my poor ass is getting numb!
By this point, Verosika's entourage of succubi and incubi, still in human disguises, had managed to get back up on stage, while the woman in question, who was angrily glaring at Blitzo, was still surrounded by sex-crazed maniacs who were being fended off by Vortex.
Entourage: How can you say that?! How can you say that?!
Blitzo: It's easy, I can say it 'cause it's absolutely true!
Entourage: Don't be a penis! The woman is a genius!
Blitzo: Her genius is she's fooling all of you!
A random human had managed to climb up on stage past Vortex, and now joined in on the song.
Human: But she's captivating, her presence commands the stage. Her voice enchants like a devilish sage. A true inspiration, her charm makes hearts ache. And she captures my soul...
Blitzo: Aw, fucking damnit, you're falling for her too!
Human: I know.
Blitzo: You should hate Verosika.
The crowd gasped again.
Human: Well, I don't, I admire Verosika.
Blitzo: Well there's your problem! You're so blinded by 'The Star' who's such a slutty woman!
Human: Why is it a problem to admit that I'm a fan?
Blitzo: 'Cause she's a hack, with a knack, for fucking anything she can!
Entourage: How can you say that?! How can you say that?! The woman really knows how to right a 'bitchin song! You with you could write one, we wish we could sing one.
Blitzo: I just wish that she would move along!
Another human, this one female, had managed to sneak past Vortex, and clambered onto the stage on Blitzo's other side.
Human 2: Well that's not gonna happen, because everyone I know says that she's the greatest singer the worlds ever known!
Blitzo was emboldened by rage at this point, practically ranting at the entourage and crowd with very little coherency.
Blitzo: And that's another thing I hate about Verosika. Is all the fools who bloviate about Verosika. And how they prattle on about her grand performances, well la-di-da-di-da. And once they start their gushing, There's no stopping them, and then it's Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah Verosika. And she struts in, it's Dum-de-dum-ta-da Verosika!
His singing got more and more unhinged and slurred as time went on.
Blitzo: She's at a concert and they say "V, you're such a goddess, your voice is so divine. Please come to my room I'd fuck you any time." And they're all "ooh" and she's all "stop". And they're all "yay" and I'm all *retch*.
Blitzo pranced about the stage, miming the lyrics, though not well.
Blitzo: And I'm really getting sick of it. And oh, oh, oh, oh, I hate Verosika!
He sung the last line completely slurred, intoxicated by sheer anger.
Entourage: I think by now we sort of know you hate Verosika.
Blitzo stuck his head out from between two of the entourage.
Blitzo: Shmerosika. The way she feigns superiority, and all she does is gloat. The way she wears that silly, furry, way to big coat. The poster child for why no one should ever procreate! Let me make a shorter list and I will give it to you straight. Every little thing about Verosika... Is what I hate!
He slid on his knees to the front of the stage, his arms outstretched.
Entourage: He hates! He hates! He really surely really truely hates, Vero-Sika!
Blitzo let out a breath he'd been holding in the whole time, his face contorted in madness.
(Song Ends)
The crowd was in a shocked silence, except for one poor sod in the back who started to clap and cheer, but quickly stopped when he realized he was the only one. Verosika, still fuming from being knocked off stage, shot Blitzo a glare that could melt steel.
"Take that, whore! Now I'm gonna go kill something!" Blitzo yelled into the mic, before pitching it into the ground and stalking off.
. . .
Millie darted behind a cluster of beer kegs, her eyes fixed on a wobbling barrel in the distance. Determination etched across her face, she swiftly approached the barrel and pried it open. With a loud crash, the barrel tipped over, spilling its contents onto the ground. The unmistakable scent of beer filled the air as Moxxie let out a burp, clearly inebriated.
"Moxxie!" Millie called out, a hint of exasperation in her voice.
Moxxie turned towards her, a goofy smile plastered on his face. His speech slurred as he greeted her. "Millieee! Hiiii! Hey. Hey, when did you get four heads? I wanna kiss 'em!" He puckered his lips, making smooching noises.
Suppressing a giggle, Millie scooped up the drunken Moxxie in her arms. The nice moment was ruined, however, when a massive plume of water shot up from the ocean, casting a large shadow over the otherwise sunny beach. The source was revealed to be the fish from earlier that had consumed Verosika's flask, having grown to a massive size.
There was a shocked silence from the humans, as well as Verosika and her succubi, but it was short lived, as the monster stepped onto the beach and crushed a hapless human under it's foot, crimson blood splattering onto several of the terrified observers. The horrified humans screamed and scattered in all directions, a veritable stampede occurring to get away from the gigantic fish. This managed to get the attention of Blitzo, who had been strangling a man to death under a dock.
The monster let out a deafening roar, its imposing presence demanding attention.
"Ooooh! Fishy." Moxxie mumbled drunkenly, momentarily distracted.
Suddenly, the creature's slimy tongue snaked out, fully intent on grabbing Moxxie.
"Shit! Sir!" Benedict, who had been nearby when the fish arrived, yelled out, leaping in front of Moxxie just in the nick of time. The monster's massive tongue snaked out, wrapping around Benedict instead, pulling him towards the gaping maw.
"Thanks Benny!" Moxxie cheerfully waved, clearly unable to realize the danger his drunken stupor.
"Goddammit, Benny! You dumbass!" Blitzo yelled, more annoyed than anything upon seeing his employee get gnawed on by a fish.
Millie spotted a spring breaker holding a cocktail nearby. Pulling out her knife, she swiftly dispatched the unsuspecting victim before setting a cloth ablaze. With precision, she hurled the makeshift Molotov cocktail at the fish monster, causing it to lose its balance and stumble backwards into the ocean, sending up a wave around it.
Seizing the opportunity, she dashed into the ocean and, using the knife, climbs up the body of the best, before reaching it's maw high up off the oceans surface, which she pried open with tremendous effort, revealing Benedict, who was hacking at the tongue with a small machete with all the determination of a man who just found himself in a giant fish's mouth.
Millie reached out, and Benedict's hand quickly grasped onto hers. With a swift slice, she severed the tongue that held Benedict captive, setting him free and launching him out of the fishes mouth. He spun around, sticking his machete straight into the fishes cheek and holding on for dear life as the fish tried to shake him off.
Inside the monster's cavernous mouth, Millie relentlessly pummeled its tongue, forcing the beast to expel her forcefully. Emerging from its dark depths, Millie found herself and Benedict entangled in a fierce wrestling match with the formidable creature.
"I love that woman~" Moxxie's tail formed a heart shape, his affection evident.
Blitzo's mischievous grin widened. "Oh, she totally pegs you, doesn't she?"
Benedict scrambled up the creatures face, pulling a shortened double barrel shotgun out of his coat. With a gruff expression, he aimed for the fishes eye and pulled the trigger, the blast causing the creature to stagger back and roar, now half blind.
Ever the opportunist, Millie propelled herself into the air with a swift leap, her knife poised for action. With a daring move, she flew through the monsters now open maw and landed within the confines of the monster's innards. Determination etched onto her face, she swiftly sliced through its stomach from the inside, causing large amounts of blood to gush out as the beast fell over backwards onto the ocean floor, dead.
Millie herself walked back to shore tiredly, panting, before dropping her knife and putting her hands on her knees.
"Ohhhh, yeah, way to show off, Mils!" Blitzo cheered, a hint of admiration in his voice.
Benedict also, far less gracefully, washed ashore, dragging himself out of the water. He coughed and hacked, spitting out a small fish that had somehow lodged itself in his mouth during the ordeal, before walking over to the others.
Millie looked over at him concerned. "You okay, Benny?" She asked.
Benedict dismissed her concern with a grunt. "I've been worse." He responded briskly.
Moxxie, who had somehow managed to avoid any significant danger during the chaotic events, stumbled over to them, still blissfully drunk. ""Thaaanks Bendy." He almost fell over, but was quickly caught by Millie. "I'm sooooo... drinky." He slurred, his expression doped but content.
The warmth of the moment enveloped them as Millie and Moxxie shared a heartfelt embrace, their laughter filling the air with a rare sense of wholesomeness.
"Ooookay, this is too wholesome for my liking." Blitzo grumbled, his voice tinged with a mix of amusement and mock annoyance.
"Blitz-o." Verosika called out from behind, her voice dripping with anticipation.
Blitzo grinned mischievously, his eyes scanning the horizon. "Oh, perfect. That must be the whores!"
Verosika couldn't help but roll her eyes. "That was handled rather...obvious... Don't you think?"
"I don't think this belonged to any of us." Millie fired back, tossing the flask, which caused the fish monster in the first place, back to Verosika, who catches it then drop-passes it to Milky, one of her succubi posse members. "Would be a shame if anyone found out you guys were behind a giant monster fish in the human world."
Moxxie, overcome with laughter and the effects of far too much beer, chimed in. "Oh, Satan! You're gonna be so...FUUUUCKED!" Earning him an annoyed glare from Benedict.
Verosika scowled at the group. "Yeah, well... you nasty-ass gremlins will be in shit for not being in disguises!"
Benedict glared at her. "I was in disguise-" He pulled out the locket, looking especially beaten up after the fish incident. "Until you decided to yank me on stage and expose me to the entire crowd."
Verosika's eyes narrowed as she noticed the locket in Benedict's hand. A wicked grin spread across her face. "Oh, that old thing. I was wondering where that went." Her grin quickly faded. "Give it back."
Benedict, not in the mood for Verosika's antics, scowled and held the locket out of her reach. "It's mine now. Consider it severance pay."
Verosika, fueled by anger, reached over to snatch the locket from Benedict's grasp. In her haste, her hand collided with his, causing him to reflexively pull back. The locket slipped from his fingers, tumbling through the air before crashing onto the sandy ground.
The locket, clearly having suffered enough abuse, emitted a faint purple glow, along with a few sparks, and started to shake on the ground, before erupting into a burst of purple light and sparks. The already damaged Asmodean crystal embedded in the locket exploded, shattering itself into a few smoldering fragments and breaking the locket to pieces.
Benedict stared at the remnants of the locket with a mix of frustration and mild surprise. "Motherfucker." He muttered to himself angrily, before picking up a shard of the destroyed locket, inspected it with disinterest. "Well, it served its purpose. Good riddance." He tossed it aside.
Verosika, infuriated by the destruction of the locket, shot Benedict a venomous glare. "You imbecile! Do you have any idea what that locket was worth?!"
Blitzo interjected, shoving Benedict out of the way, his voice smooth with a hint of manipulation. "Y'know, we could keep this little B-movie scene on the down low if you agree to let us use that parking space."
Verosika hesitated for a moment before finally relenting. "Fine." She glared at Benedict. "But I'll be back."
Blitzo's victorious laughter filled the air. "WE FUCKIN' WOOOOOOON! laughs triumphantly"
Millie joined in, her voice brimming with excitement. "Fuck YEAH!"
Even Benedict couldn't hide a smile. "Good job, sir." He nodded towards Blitzo.
Blitzo couldn't resist taunting Verosika further. "IN YOUR FACE, BIIIITCH!"
Verosika scoffed, her pride wounded. "Come on, let's get out of here. Tex!"
Vortex sighed. "Well... guess it's time to bounce. But, hey, if you're ever down to party, I'll give you a ring sometime."
Loona, who had been silently observing the interaction, perked up at the mention of a potential social outing. "Really? I mean, heh...yeah. Yeah."
Vortex's enthusiasm was palpable. "Yeah! My girlfriend throws a ton of crazy hound parties."
As Vortex mentioned his girlfriend, Loona's expression shifted from hope to dejection. Her voice was tinged with sadness. "Nice. Can't wait for my first one."
Vortex, oblivious to Loona's internal turmoil, chuckled playfully. "Let's get you some friends, girl."
He delivered a light punch to her arm, intending it as a friendly gesture. With a heavy heart, Loona watched Vortex follow Verosika, her mind filled with the bitter taste of unrequited affection and the realization that her crush had someone else.
Blitzo broke the momentary silence, his voice boisterous. "Come on, Loonie Tooney! Let's go back and park our fat fuckin' car in our fat fuckin' space!"
The members of the I.M.P., their mission completed, made their way through the portal. However, Loona stumbled and fell backward, disappearing into the portal in a rather ungraceful manner.
Blitzo, seizing the opportunity for one last act of defiance, leaped into the air and mockingly flipped the double bird through the portal, provoking a growl of anger from Verosika.
As the portal closed behind them, Verosika and her gang found themselves surrounded by an intimidating presence. Police officers, a clown, and a formidable mine robot encircled them, their guns aimed with unwavering determination.
The commanding voice of the police chief shattered the tense air. "PUT YOUR HANDS UP, YOU SICK DEVIANTS!"
Verosika sighed. "Alright, sluts. Get ready to suck a lot of pig dick."
Her gang, resigned to their fate, sighed and groaned in disgust as they raised their hands in surrender.
A/N: This chapter easily took the longest out of any, and has some pretty major changes. I did realize that Benedict would've probably needed some kind of human disguise if he worked for Verosika when I originally wrote the chapter, but I decided to just sweep it under the rug. On the rewrite, I... "Fixed" this issue, though it's not the best solution, and it does feel kind of shoved in and gotten rid of. Though I do think the other changes, such as Benedict being thrown onstage and having to try and flirt with people, as well as jumping in front of Moxxie, are definite improvements over the original, and helps to actually involve him in the story more, rather than him just being there.
Also, the song isn't mine, I merely modified 'God I hate Shakespeare' from Something Rotten. Great song and musical, and you should check it out.
Again, feedback, constructive criticism, suggestions and original episode ideas are always welcome.