Five monitors could be seen, each displaying different moments of I.M.P's exploits. The first monitor showed Benedict and Moxxie outside Martha's house, with Moxxie accidentally causing Benedict to shoot in the wrong direction. The second monitor displayed Millie emerging from the ocean after defeating the fish monster. In the third monitor, Millie and Moxxie were seen French-kissing while swinging on a rope. The fourth showed Benedict in his colonial general outfit, trying to get past the guards of Abraham's bunker while riding the others, who were in a poor horse costume. The final monitor zoomed in on Blitzo, who was caught choking on the boba pearls of his drink.
A finger then points at the screen. "Right there!" He exclaims. "This was the first sighting."
Agent two, a blonde woman in a suit with black shades, pondered this. "They are definitely from Hell. They must use this dark magic to cross over into our world... And they seem to be killing specifically targeted people. But, why?" She asked aloud.
"They always attack at random, aaaall over the country. There's no way to predict where they'll show up next!" Agent one, who was a black haired man, also in a suit and shades, responded.
A sudden commotion outside caught the attention of the two agents in the room. The sound of clattering objects accompanied a stock angry cat sound effect. Their eyes darted toward a barred-up window obscured by heavily damaged blinds. Intrigued, Agent Two made a gap between the blinds to peer outside, hoping to identify the source of the ruckus. Blitzo emerged as the culprit, precariously perched on a box and a dumpster, his curious gaze scanning the surroundings.
Agent Two couldn't help but find the situation amusing. "Ahhh, well... That's convenient." She remarked wryly.
Blitzo was outside, balancing on a pile of trash bags, the dumpster lid still held open. "Shhhhh! Remember, we can't be seen." He whispered, though his subsequent loud slam of the dumpster lid contradicted his intention. Unluckily for Blitzo, his ungraceful attempt led to a backward tumble into the pile of trash bags, earning a chuckle from Millie before she gracefully moved away.
Moxxie, compelled to comment, politely interjected. "Pardon my words, sir, but you're currently being the loudest."
Emerging from the garbage heap, Blitzo's appearance was comical yet bizarre. He sported an old newspaper perched on his forehead, a half-eaten lollipop stuck to the side of his head, a scrap of paper affixed to his horn, complete with an impaled old banana peel, and, to top it off, a used condom adorning his index finger, which he indignantly used to poke Moxxie's face. "I said shuuush your dick-sucking lips, Moxxie!" Blitzo retorted in a hushed tone.
"You people are gross." Benedict muttered to himself, sliding past them and walking towards the portal.
A portal materialized behind Moxxie, leading back to the imp office with Loona inside. Millie hopped into the portal, giving Moxxie a wave to follow her. As Moxxie began to walk towards the portal, Blitzo tackled him, sending him crashing to the ground. They narrowly avoiding a net shot their way, which unfortunately hit an unsuspecting Benedict in the back.
"GET DOWN!" Blitzo shouted urgently.
"Fuck! Let me out!" Benedict yelled, trying to squirm out of the net, to no avail. He stuck one hand into his coat, rummaging around for something, pulling out a short knife and slashing out of his confinements, climbing to his feet and pulling out a pistol.
Agent One promptly armed his net launcher, preparing to ensnare the three demons. As the tense moment unfolded, Agent Two descended from a building on a rope, gracefully landing in front of the portal.
"LOONA! CLOSE IT!" Blitzo urgently commanded.
Millie, however, protested, "Wait, no!" Desperate to make it through, she dashed toward the closing portal, but her efforts were in vain as it sealed shut before she could reach it.
Distraught at first, Moxxie's anguish quickly transformed into anger. He brandished his pistol, ready to fend off the two agents while Blitzo sought cover. Skillfully evading a tranquilizer dart and a capture net, he leaped off a wooden pallet, preparing to retaliate. However, an unexpected blow struck him in the neck from behind—a tranquilizer dart.
Moxxie stumbled, his speech slurred, before ultimately collapsing to the ground. The sight sent Blitzo into a panic, and he rushed to his friend's side. "MOXXIE!"
Thinking on his feet, Blitzo hoisted Moxxie up, knocking over the trash can that served as his temporary hiding spot. With Moxxie in tow, he sprinted away, ramming past agent two in the process. Benedict was not long behind, firing a few potshots behind him as he ran, desperate to evade capture. He looked towards where they were going, and quickly yelled out, "Wait, no, sir! That's a-" Blitzo skidded to a stop as he reached a dead end, spinning around and raising his gun, ready for a fight. "Dead end." Benedict finished, a bit too late.
A tense standoff unfolded as both parties aimed their weapons, prepared for a fiery confrontation. Yet, just as Blitzo and Benedict were about to open fire, Agent Two pressed a button on her gun. Electricity surged through the three, incapacitating them. Moxxie was shocked out of Blitzo's grip, while Blitzo, hit by a residual charge, relinquished his hold on the gun and collapsed.
Benedict let out a grunt of pain, as he was brought to his knees by the electrical attack, but managed to hold onto his consciousness. He grit his teeth through the pain, slowly staggering back to a standing position, one foot at a time.
Agent one, seeing how he wasn't unconscious already, fired another electric shock, causing him to stagger back a few steps, but still stubbornly holding on. He shakily raised his pistol, and taking aim through his blurry vision. Just before he squeezed the trigger, Agent two fired a dart straight into his neck, causing his shot to go wide. Benedict dropped his pistol, the tranquilizer taking effect quickly. He swayed for a moment before collapsing onto the ground, joining Moxxie in unconsciousness.
Agent One chuckled confidently. "I'd like to see the suits at corporate callin' us losers now! That was pretty badass!" He boasted, stepping in front of the incapacitated imps.
"Super badass!" Agent Two agreed, cocking her tranquilizer gun.
. . .
Meanwhile, back at the I.M.P. office, Millie's fury found an outlet in the form of furious punches against the wall. Tears welled in her eyes, accompanied by fierce demon screeches, as she dropped to her knees, devastated by the turn of events.
"SHIT! Shit, shit, shit!" She exclaimed, her voice filled with frustration and anguish.
On the floor, head and hands resting against the cold surface, Millie wailed in despair. Loona stood behind her, holding Stolas' Grimoire, her expression one of concern.
"You, uh... You okay, there?" Loona tentatively inquired.
Suddenly, Millie rose to her feet, her sudden movement startling Loona into dropping the Grimoire, raising her hands defensively.
"What're you doing sittin' there?! The boys are in trouble! Open it again!" Millie's fury and worry for her husband and boss radiated from her every word.
Attempting to explain the gravity of the situation, Loona reasoned, "Blitzo was using a total of zero euphemisms, innuendos, or swears. That means it was serious, which means I don't open it until-"
Overwhelmed by rage and concern, Millie seized Loona's shirt, yanking her down to eye level. Her furious gaze pierced through Loona's defenses.
"Open the fucking portal, now!" Millie demanded, her voice filled with a fiery determination.
Loona and Millie geared up for a daring rescue mission. Loona swiftly zipped a backpack labeled "Blitzø's Emergen-C Bag" shut, while an enraged Millie twirled and lifted a giant double-headed axe with the letter 'M' emblazoned in its center. Loona assumed her human form, completing their preparations. As the portal materialized once more, Millie leaped out, landing in a poised stance, while Loona nonchalantly followed suit.
"They aren't here...!" Millie's voice quivered with a mix of disappointment and distress. Dropping her axe, she sank to her knees once again, tears welling in her eyes. Before the tears could fall, Loona acted swiftly, grabbing Millie and lifting her back up. She then bent down, sniffing the ground.
"It smells like they went this way." Loona announced.
Placing Millie into the backpack and slinging it onto her back, Loona retrieved Millie's axe from the ground, resting it on her shoulder.
"Come on... Let's find the dumbass triplets." She declared, dropping Millie into her backpack and picking up her axe.
. . .
Meanwhile, in an undisclosed location, Moxxie slowly regains consciousness, his groggy eyes scanning the unfamiliar surroundings. Moxxie, Benedict, and Blitzo, were all securely bound to chairs, with their tails chained to an iron ball in between them. An air of tension hangs in the room. Suddenly, Agent Two grabs the lamp hanging above their heads and brings it close to Moxxie's face, causing him to instinctively flinch away.
With a smirk, Agent Two remarks, "Finally awake, huh, little fella?" She releases the lamp and continues, "Your two friends have been up for quite a while now."
"Trust me, Moxxie, you weren't missing much." Benedict deadpans, clearly unimpressed by their interrogation tactics.
Blitzo, his voice filled with defiance, speaks up. "Look, shitbag, it takes a lot to keep me down, alright? I've consumed a fuck-ton of tranquilizers in the college I dropped out of. And let's not forget the time I was strapped nipple-first to a car battery. So, I—"
Blitzo's sentence is abruptly interrupted as Agent One shines the lamp in his face. Flinching, Blitzo quickly changes his tune. "Ohhh, okay!"
Agent One leans forward, his voice laced with accusation. "Tell us, demon scum! Who do you work for? Satan?!"
Agent Two seizes the lamp once more, initiating a back-and-forth motion as they intensify their interrogation.
"How did you manage to cross over into our world from the afterlife?" Agent Two inquires, her eyes fixated on Moxxie.
Agent One takes hold of the light, joining in the questioning and targeting Benedict this time. "Why are you killing humans?"
"Why were you at that convention?" Agent Two adds, her grip tightening on the lamp as she snatched it back.
Interrupting their questions, Blitzo, clearly annoyed, interjects, "Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, bitch. First of all, we already kicked your asses once, so I dunno why the fuck you think it'll go any better this time. Second, we just woke up from a veeeery nasty shock. And I'm still feelin' fuckin' woozy, so I'm gonna request you fetch us some coffee before we get into this. I mean, everyone gets coffee in shitty movies with scenes like this, am I right? I want somethin' iced, bitch!"
Blitzo turns his head toward Benedict, seeking confirmation. "Benny?"
"I could use a black coffee, sir, no sugar. And make it quick. We have a busy schedule to get back to." Benedict responds nonchalantly, as if he weren't tied to a chair.
Blitzo scofffed. "You're so boring. And you, Mox?" He turned to Moxxie.
Moxxie, playing along, responds, "I'll have a Neapolitan cappuccino, more cappu- than -ccino. Make sure it's got no more than four ounces of milk; the beans won't have the right texture otherwise. And make sure they spell my name correctly on the cup—they always put 'Foxy' or 'Roxy'; I hate that. If you can't handle that, I'll have a Venti traditional misto. Please use soy milk, with two blond shots affogato" – he points his foot accusatorily at Agent Two – "and ristretto! I'd also love... three vanilla pumps at the very bottom, then add the coffee after, then add—"
Agent One abruptly cuts them off. "Enough! We aren't getting youse coffee!"
Blitzo interjects with a sardonic remark. "Wow, I was getting massive douche chills just there, Mox. Congrats!"
Agent Two leans in closer to Moxxie, her tone threatening. "If necessary, we won't hesitate to employ torture methods to extract answers from you vile hell beasts!"
Benedict rolled his eyes. "Look, I've been tortured about... Uh... 31..." He started muttering to himself, trying to remember the various times he'd been strung up for investigation. "No, there was that one time with the electric eels... And the time with that clown... So 33? Anyway, my point is, I've done this song and dance before. It's really not as effective as you'd think."
Agent one leaned in to the shorter imp. "Ooooh. We got an expert here, do we? You'se trying to tell us how to do our jobs, eh?" He laughed in a condescending manner.
"Oh, please, enlighten us with your interrogation expertise," Benedict deadpanned. "I'm sure your 'torture 101' class at agent school really prepared you for this."
"Yeah! And I got an A!" Agent one yelled back, clearly annoyed by Benedict's lack of fear.
Blitzo chimed in, a smirk on his face and clearly enjoying the banter. "Oh, an A in torture class? Impressive! Did they give you a gold star sticker for that? Maybe a certificate to hang on your wall next to your diploma in 'Advanced body-guarding techniques for dumbasses'?"
"Don't forget to mention the stellar performance in 'How to Look Intimidating 101.' I hear that's a prerequisite for torture excellence." Moxxie added with a smirk, causing Blitzo to chuckle.
"You better stop laughin' at us!" Agent Two threatened while leaning into Moxxie's face, to little effect.
Agent One grabs Blitzo by the collar "Yeah!" He pulls an amused Blitzo closer "You are the ones at our mercy!"
"It's hard to resist, I'm really sorry." Moxxie points out. "I mean, considering your approach thus far, you've had us tied here for what, hours? And you haven't even had us confirm what exactly we are!"
Agent Two leans down towards Moxxie, curious. "What are you?"
"I'm a Virgo." Moxxie replies with a smirk, causing Blitzo to laugh and even managing to get a snort out of Benedict.
"Ohhhhh, a smart guy, eh?!" Agent one exclaims.
"One more quip outta you and we'll shut you up!" Agent Two tried, and failed, to be intimidating.
"Rather counter productive, considering the whole point of this is to get us to confess." Benedict pointed out, seeing the logical flaws in the agents methodology.
Blitzo interpreted it differently. "Ooh, getting kinkyyyy!" He responded, almost excitedly.
"Wh- No!" Benedict exclaimed, a disgusted look on his face. "That is not what they meant!"
"WHAAAAT?! We aren't indulging your wicked demon kinks!" Agent One exclaims, his voice filled with disbelief.
Blitzo goads them further. "I mean, that's what it sounded like back there, you sickos!"
"Pleeease don't give them ideas, sir!" Moxxie interjects in a fake pleading voice.
Blitzo continues his banter. "Why not? I know the kind of stuff you're into!"
Moxxie blushes, a hint of embarrassment in his expression.
"Oh come on, you too!?" Benedict exclaims judgmentally.
Agent One forcefully reasserts their authority. "Stop! We are NOT engaging in any kinky activities with youse!"
Agent Two seizes Agent One's arm and pulls him back, attempting to diffuse the escalating situation. "Calm down, One! Don't let these monsters get to you!"
The agents turn and begin to walk away, their purpose seemingly unchanged.
Blitzo can't resist the opportunity for one last quip. "Heyyyy, aren't we gonna get our phone call, bitch?"
Agent One responds with a mocking tone. "Well, that entirely depends! Who do you plan to call? Hmmm?"
Blitzo fires back with a retort, laced with his trademark irreverence. "Your fat mom, thankin' her for a fat time!"
Agent Two interjects, putting a swift end to Benedict's jab. "Nice try, demon! His fat mom is dead!"
Agent One, overwhelmed with emotion, begins to cry, burying his face in his arm.
"Do you need a moment to collect yourself? Perhaps a tissue?" Benedict asked sarcastically.
Agent One looks up, sniffling. "Who asked you?!"
. . .
The scene shifted to the grand exterior of the imposing D.H.O.R.K.S. building, where Blitzo and Moxxie found themselves ensnared. Standing guard at the entrance were two sentinels, each wielding a naginata with an air of unwavering vigilance. Above them, four security cameras loomed, their watchful eyes surveying the surroundings. Meanwhile, Millie and Loona cautiously peered around the side of the edifice, searching for a clandestine entry point.
"This is where they ended up?" Millie inquired, her voice laced with concern.
Loona scanned the area, her gaze fixed on the formidable structure. "Seems like it. Fuck, this looks intense. How are we gonna get in?"
A glimmer of hope flickered in Millie's eyes as she spotted a small vent above their heads. Excitedly, she pointed upward. "Lift me up to that vent!"
Obeying the request, Loona extended her hand, allowing Millie to ascend. With nimble movements, Millie pried open the vent and stealthily slipped inside. Once within, she skillfully unlocked the side door, granting Loona access. The pair maneuvered through the dimly lit corridors. However, unbeknownst to them, an unnamed D.H.O.R.K.S. guard had detected their presence on the surveillance cameras. In a moment of surprise, the guard involuntarily spewed his coffee, inadvertently drenching a fellow guard. Swiftly, he activated the alarm, alerting his comrades of the unauthorized intruders.
Abruptly, Loona came to an abrupt halt, sensing imminent danger. Several doors attached to the hall opened, revealing a horde of agents, armed with an array of lethal Japanese melee weapons. An agent, brandishing a naginata, charged towards Loona and Millie, executing a powerful swing. The quick-witted duo instinctively evaded the deadly blade, narrowly escaping harm. Loona leaped into action, skillfully wielding her axe, severing an agent's leg, while Millie, armed with twin pistols, dispatched him with two well-aimed shots. Another agent found himself on the receiving end of Loona's thrown axe, impaling his visage with a sickening thud. Meanwhile, Millie deftly scaled an agent's body, dislodging the axe from his cranium. With impressive dexterity, she evaded a katana swing from yet another guard before bifurcating him with a swift, vertical strike.
Loona engaged an agent who possessed a pair of twin nunchaku, launching a split kick towards him. However, he adeptly evaded her attack. Undeterred, Loona executed a backwards roll, skillfully avoiding his retaliatory strikes. Sensing an opportunity, another agent swung a kusarigama in Loona's direction. Swiftly dropping to the ground, Loona avoided the weapon, inadvertently allowing the nunchaku-wielding agent to suffer a gruesome decapitation. Seizing the moment, Millie stealthily approached the bewildered agent armed with the kusarigama, snapping his neck with a swift, lethal twist. As his lifeless body crumpled to the floor, face-first, Loona seized Millie, who in turn retrieved her axe from the ground, embarking towards a trio of agents guarding a massive doorway.
The scene shifted to the agents as one of them hastily pressed a button, attempting to thwart the girls by sealing the blast door shut. The remaining two agents, armed with shuriken, aimed to halt their progress by launching the throwing stars in their direction, yet their aim faltered, missing their targets entirely.
"Throw me!" Millie commanded, her voice resolute.
Without hesitation, Loona complied, exerting effort as she hurled Millie forward.
Empowered by her trusty axe, Millie soared through the air, executing a seamless roll as she landed amidst the cluster of agents, just as the blast door, ominously labeled "CAUTION BLAST DANGER," sealed behind her. Piercing screams of agony resonated from within the confined space as Millie unleashed a torrent of relentless violence, obliterating her adversaries beyond the camera's view. When the blast door finally reopened, it revealed Millie, encircled by dismembered corpses, their crimson blood splattered across the walls and ceiling.
Impressed by the scene before her, Loona strolled into the room. "Damn! You're pretty agile for an old lady!"
"I'm, like, five years older than you." Millie pointed out.
. . .
Agent One reprimands Blitzo while he responds by sticking his tongue out playfully.
"Cease insultin' my mother! She's deceased!" Agent One exclaims.
"Hey, hey. Let's just leave them be until they feel like conversin'." Agent Two suggests.
The two agents exit the room, slamming the door behind them. Blitzo glances at the door to confirm their departure before attempting to struggle against his restraints, but he quickly gives up.
Blitzo lets out a sigh. "Don't worry, you two. If we keep bein' obnoxious, they'll eventually slip up, and we'll have a chance to escape. Let's continue messing with them until they become so frustrated that they lose their clear thinking. It usually works."
As Blitzo speaks, the camera zooms out, transitioning to a video feed of him and Moxxie. Blitzo's voice becomes distorted, enhancing the effect. Agents One and Two observe their interactions through the screen.
"Hmmm! So, the demons want to play games, huh? Well, we can play games..." Agent One remarks.
Agent Two chuckles and presses a button labeled "TRUTH BOMB" situated between "HAHA GAS" and "BITCH JUICE." The camera zooms in on the button, now glowing bright green.
"Heh! Yeah," Agent Two says with satisfaction.
The scene cuts back to Moxxie and Blitzo. Blitzo continues his futile struggle against the ropes.
"I'm just worried about Millie. She must be on her way by now, I'm certain!" Moxxie expresses his concern.
"She'll be fine, I'm sure. We just need to buy time for her to arrive." Benedict reassures.
"We've barely dealt with the human government! She's in danger!" Moxxie insists, worry evident in his voice.
Simultaneously, a green gas starts to fill the room, coming in through a small vent in the wall.
Blitzo, suddenly angry, retorts, "Do you ever shut up about Millie?! It's always like this, mockingly imitating Moxxie 'Oh, how's Millie?' 'Can't tonight, hangin' with Millie!' 'I'm so worried about Millie!' And she's always... just five feet away from you! It's pathetic!"
"That... was strangely personal," Moxxie remarks, taken aback.
Surprised by his own outburst, Blitzo exclaims, "You know what? You're right! I don't know why I let all that spill out."
Moxxie glances down and notices the green gas surrounding them, his eyes widening in fear.
"Sir! They're filling this room with something!" Moxxie alerts Blitzo.
"Fuck! What the hell is this?" Blitzo questions.
Benedict sniffs the air. "Truth gas, sir." He tells him.
"Oh, so you're just guessing now?"
"No, my previous boss had me use it whenever he wasn't feeling particularly sadistic and needed information from someone." Benedict deadpans, before realizing what he said. "Uh, I mean, just keep your mouths shut and we'll be fine."
"Truth gas, you say?" Blitzo adopted a mischievous grin. "Hey Benny, you ever fuck Verosika?"
"No. I- I'm a virgin." Benedict admits, looking embarrassed as the Blitzo burst into laughter, before snapping out of it and glaring at Blitzo, blushing furiously. "Really, sir?!"
Blitzo continues laughing uncontrollably, tears streaming down his face. "Oh, this is too good! Our serious little imp is a virgin! I can't believe it!"
Moxxie tries to stifle his laughter, but his attempts prove futile. "Oh, come on, Benedict! This is priceless!" He also started to laugh uncontrollably.
"It's not funny." Benedict muttered, looking away from the two and looking embarrassed, his face flushed.
"Oh, I beg to differ! This is fucking hilarious!" Blitzo continued to laugh, wiping tears from his eyes. "You're such a romantically inept killjoy you can't get laid!"
Benedict flinched at the insult, before he quickly shot back, emboldened by the truth gas. "I'd rather be that than some immature moron who can't do his job! Seriously, Am I the only adult here!" He shouted back, before realizing what he'd said. "Fuck! I mean- Uh, sorry, sir."
Blitzo's laughter quickly faded, replaced by an angry scowl. "An adult? You? You're the grumpiest little shit I've ever met! Always so serious, like the world is about to end. Well, newsflash, Benedict: We live in hell, for fuck's sake! Get a life!"
Benedict's face somehow turns redder with anger. "At least I take our job seriously! Unlike you, sir, who can't be bothered to do anything right! You're just an immature idiot who can't even handle a simple assassination job without nearly getting us all killed! Do I need to remind you of the convention? Or that shitty carnival? Or the Cherubs?" He angrily retorted, emboldened by the chemicals in the air, before flinching when he realized what he'd said. "I- Uh, sorry, sir. I didn't mean to-"
Moxxie, fueled by the truth gas and caught up in the escalating tension, couldn't hold back any longer. "Don't act like you're a perfect coworker either, Benedict! All you care about is your damn job! You never think about anything else, never let loose or do anything. It's like you're a robot! No wonder you're grumpy!"
"Oh, I'm the immature one? At least I can enjoy life! Unlike you, Mr. Stick-up-his-ass! And don't even get me started on your paranoia. It's like working with a damn conspiracy theorist!" Blitzo shot back, anger intensifying with every insult shot back and forth.
"Paranoia? Paranoia?!" Benedict looked genuinely outraged. "I've been doing this for ten fucking years, constantly watching my back, waiting to have two put in my skull every god forsaken day, and you have the fucking audacity, to call it PARANOIA?!" He yelled back, his frustration boiling over.
He rose from his chair, fully intent on giving Blitzo a piece of his mi- Wait, wasn't he tied up a minute ago?
Benedict looked around the room, confused, only to see that the room had disappeared, and he was standing in the I.M.P office, except it looked... Old, almost like it was from a film reel, though still bright and colorful and vibrant. Benedict himself looked directly from an old movie, and was in black and white, and grainy.
Suddenly, Blitzo appeared behind him, with an overly exaggerated grin on his face. "Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. Grumpy himself! What's the matter, Benedict? Can't keep up with the vibrant colors of the real world?" He asked mockingly.
"Sir? What the hell is going on?" Benedict asked, only for his voice to come out scratchy and muffled.
Benedict's words were drowned out by the echoes of laughter that filled the air. The colorful world around him seemed to pulsate with energy, as if it reveled in his disorientation. Millie and Moxxie materialized next to Blitzo, their forms flickering and wavering like old film projections.
Millie smirked and crossed her arms, her voice crackling with static. "Look at you, Benedict. Just some good for nothing cripple who can't even handle a simple interrogation. What a loser."
Moxxie, with a static-y voice, like it was coming from a radio in a tunnel, joined in. "Yeah, Benny, you're just some washed up wet blanket of an imp. What, ten years of assassination and you still can't get laid? Pathetic." He leaned in and kissed Millie passionately, as if to mock him.
Benedict took a few staggered, shaky steps back, clearly effected by the experience. The hallucination Blitzo took the opportunity to pile on the abuse. He popped up just behind Benedict, startling the shorter imp. "Why do I even keep you around, Benedict? You're just dead weight. No wonder you're always alone and miserable. No one can stand to be around you."
Benedict's eyes widened in disbelief and hurt. He tried to respond, but his words were distorted and drowned out by the mocking laughter echoing around him.
Blitzo continued to taunt him. "You think you're so high and mighty, but you're just a tiny, insignificant imp with personality issues. No wonder no one respects you. I mean, who could respect someone like you?"
Millie joined in, her voice cold and mocking. "And let's not even talk about your skills as an assassin. Ten years, and what do you have to show for it? Nothing. You're a has-been with a broken horn."
"You're just soooo desperate for validation that you cling to your job like it's the only thing keeping you from completely falling apart." Moxxie added with a cruel smile. "Because it probably is."
"I- I don't need your validation!" Benedict finally managed to shout, his voice cracking and shaky. "I don't need any of you!" As he said this, a dark chuckle came from behind him. Spinning around, he saw that there was now a hallucination of Striker, also looking like he stepped out of an old noir film, except he was also in color.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't my dear old Benedict." Striker leaned against a wall, a cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth, his voice smooth and mocking. "I offered ya' a way out, a chance to break free from this wretched existence. But no, ya' chose to remain here, toiling away in mediocrity. How pathetic." He smirked morbidly.
"No- I don't- I-" Benedict stuttered, trying to justify his past actions.
But Striker cut him off with a sinister laugh. "Always the same excuses, aren't ya'? Let's see how well being a lackey did ya' last time." Striker snapped his fingers, transforming the room. Benedict turned around to see he was now on a cliff edge.
...A very familiar cliff edge.
Benedict's eyes widened in horror as he recognized the scenery. The sharp, weather worn grey rocks that made up the cliff face, leading to the jagged spires of the stuff below, just poking out of the murky, polluted cyan water. The area at the top was mostly flat and barren, with some factories and other buildings typical of Greed visible on the horizon of the smoggy green sky.
"What did yo-" He spun around, only to see Striker had disappeared. He glanced around, confused by the sudden change of local, before making a 180 and seeing 1, 10, maybe 100 other Benedict's, wearing a fedora and with an unbroken horn, obediently march off the edge and plummeting towards the painful end below, being ordered by a shadowy figure who stood behind the tide of imps.
Benedict pushed his way through the crowd, trying to make his way to the figure, noticing the blank expressions on the faces of the other imps.
"Just who are you?!" He yelled at the figure, only for the shadows around him to dissipate, and for Benedict to look get a good look at them, recognizing him immediately, stiffening at the sight.
The figure was a relatively tall imp, with two large horns sticking out of his head, and a black fedora with a red strip. He wore a red high-collar shirt that grips his neck, topped by a navy pinstripe blue suit with light blue accents, thin red stripes, red buttons, and red lining.
The imp smiled, revealing his one gold tooth. "You remember good old me, don't you, Benny? How could you forget your lovely boss?" Benedict fearfully took a step back, only to realize he was now somehow at the cliff's edge, with nowhere to run.
"W- What do you want?" Benedict's voice was quiet, almost subdued.
The boss chuckled, a sinister undertone in his voice. "You always were a loyal one, Benny. But loyalty don't mean much in this business, does it?"
"But you were always so eager to please, weren't you?" He took a step forward, his voice taunting. "Always following orders, never questioning. It's truly pathetic, you-" As he spoke, he slowly morphed into a perfect facsimile of Blitzo, his voice changing. "-sex-deprived dickhead." He slowly walked towards Benedict and put a single finger on his chest, slowly adding more force. The shorter imp, petrified in fear, offered no resistance as the hallucination tipped him over the edge, sending him careening down.
Benedict plummeted towards the water rapidly. He could see the sharp rocks below, and knew he was about to meet his fate. He took a breath, closed his eyes and grit his teeth, prepared for-
"BENNY!"
Benedict was jolted awake by Blitzo's voice. He glanced around, covered in a cold sweat with his heart beating rapidly in his chest, and looking somewhat disheveled.
"What- What the... Sir?" Benedict stiffened immediately. He took a deep breath, and, as best as one can do while bound to a chair, tried to straighten himself up.
"...You were crying." Moxxie said with a concerned tone.
Sure enough, Benedict could feel two lines of dampness on his cheeks. However, being bound, there was little he could do about it. "I'm fine, sir. It was nothing, I assure you." He replied, his voice mostly steady, despite the lingering unease from the hallucinations.
"You never cry. You're my only employee who doesn't cry. You've always been too stoic to do so." Blitzo pointed out, genuine concern replacing the usual mocking tone in his voice.
The three imps sat there in silence for a moment, before Benedict broke it. "This may be an odd question, sir, but do you think I'm... Pathetic? Worthless? ...Expendable?" He quietly asked, in a hushed and nervous voice.
Blitzo sighed deeply. "Look, Benny. You may be a grumpy little shit and a suck-up with absolutely no sense of humor, but... Well, you're the best killer I know." Benedict looked surprised by the unexpected praise. "You shoot n' stab well, you get the job done efficiently, and you've saved our asses more times than I'd like to admit. Yeah, you're a bit of a buzzkill, but that doesn't make you worthless. And expendable? Fuck no. You're part of the team, and we stick together, no matter what. Got it?"
"I- ...Thank you, sir." Benedict blinked, seemingly caught off guard by the genuine words of encouragement.
"You know my name... Use it."
"Thank you... Blitz." The name felt wrong and unnatural in Benedict's mouth, like his tongue was unfamiliar with the sound, but he managed to say it nonetheless.
The three suddenly looked up, their attention drawn by a muffled pounding resonating from above. Their eyes widened as Millie crashed through the ceiling, landing with a heroic pose.
Moxxie exclaimed, filled with excitement, "There's my Millie!"
Millie rushed over to untie Blitzo, Benedict and Moxxie, and Moxxie couldn't help but express his delight at seeing her. However, their tender reunion was abruptly interrupted when Loona burst through the one-way window, using Agent Two as a makeshift battering ram.
"Loonie?!" Blitzo exclaimed in surprise.
Loona, not wasting any time, shouted, "Get your asses out here before more fuckers show up!"
Benedict, after taking a moment to wipe the wetness off his cheeks and straighten himself out, scowled at her. "Glad to see you actually doing something for once." Benedict muttered sourly, clearly unhappy with the hellhound receptionist.
She tossed Agent Two at Agent One, who stood behind her in the room she had broken in from. Crouching down, wolf ears sprouting from her head, she transformed into her Hellhound form and leaped next to the group. Dropping her backpack, Blitzo and Moxxie grinned maniacally at each other. Moxxie pulled out twin submachine guns while Blitzo brandished his trusty flintlock pistol, dramatically flicking the hammer, as Benedict pulled out a wooden stocked, semi automatic carbine rifle armed with a bayonet, that looked like it came straight from world war two.
In a weak attempt to retaliate, Agent One pressed a button, triggering an alarm. The I.M.P. group turned their attention as a few disposable henchmen descended from the ceiling, wielding Japanese weapons. Soon, more cartoonish henchmen slid in from the sides, encircling them. Undeterred, the I.M.P. group assumed stances, ready for a fight.
"Ooookay, I've had one too many emotions for today!" Blitzo exclaimed, addressing the situation. He turned to Moxxie and continued, "Guys... let's fuck these fuckers up!"
Moxxie responded with an evil, toothy smile, nodding in agreement, with Benedict just giving a stout nod. Loona caught an agent's sickle in her mouth, throwing him across the room to collide with another agent wielding a katana. Skillfully evading the strikes of a female agent armed with a naginata, Loona swiftly dispatched her by stabbing her through the throat with the sickle still in her mouth. With the kusarigama chain in her hands, she decapitated another agent, using the sickle end and the chain together. Meanwhile, Millie twirled her axe through the air, expertly cleaving through agents. Her axe easily broke through an agent's sword, resulting in a gruesome dismemberment. She dispatched several more agents with swift and powerful swings of her axe. The fight continued with intense action and coordinated attacks.
Blitzo discards his flintlock, realizing the need for heavier firepower, shouted to Moxxie, "Mox! Cover me!"
Moxxie dutifully unleashed a barrage of bullets with his submachine guns, creating a wide arc of destruction. As Blitzo retrieved something from the backpack, he handed Moxxie two golden revolvers, which Moxxie skillfully wielded.
Benedict quickly shot an agent who was creeping behind Blitzo in the back of the head, before turning around and impaling another with his bayonet, kicking their corpse away and then bashing another agent that was behind him with the butt of his gun, before shooting them straight through the heart.
Blitzo pulled out a vicious-looking knife, then lunged at the agents, swiftly dispatching them with his knife and decapitating one in the process. With a mischievous grin, Blitzo pulled out his phone and took a selfie with the severed head before nonchalantly tossing it aside. Moxxie, having run out of ammunition, resorted to bashing an agents skull in with the handle of his gun, before being handed a black and red demonic looking shotgun by Blitzo, which he quickly put to great effect.
As the battle raged on, Loona was locked in combat, demonstrating her agility and ferocity. She caught an agent's head in her mouth, shaking it vigorously before flinging it away. Her relentless assault continued as she took on multiple enemies, utilizing an energy rifle handed to her by Blitzo.
She looked down at Blitzo, who was looking at her with immense fatherly pride in his eyes. "What?"
"I am just so damn proud of you, Loony!" He planted a kiss on her cheek and nuzzled it, before scrambling off with a sadistic smile on his face, ready to kill someone. Loona growled at him, before biting another agent in the head.
Meanwhile, Benedict was still in the thick of it, shooting and hacking at agents with his rifle. He stuck the bayoneted end of the rifle into an agent, before pulling out a Mauser pistol from his coat and firing at a few agents from there. Another agent, wielding a katana, tried to get the jump on him from behind and swung at him horizontally, but Benedict ducked underneath the attack. He shot the man once in the chest, before yanking him down and, sticking the gun in his mouth and pointing it up, pulled the trigger, killing him instantly.
He didn't dwell on this for long, however, as he quickly stuffed his Mauser back into his coat, spinning around and pulling out a tommy gun instead, unloading into the remaining agents.
Blitzo turned to see Millie cut down two more agents with her axe and twirl it with a flourish.
"Hey, Mills!" Blitzo called out.
"Hey, Blitz! Just one sec!" Millie replied.
Millie jumped and swung, decapitating one agent. She cut a leg off of a female agent holding sai, relieved a male sai-wielding agent of his lower torso, then twirled her axe to completely eviscerate an agent holding a straight sword and posed. Blitzo appeared to the side with the backpack still strapped to his chest and offered Millie a pump-action shotgun.
"Do you need a gun or anything?" Blitzo asked.
"Nah, I'm good!" Millie responded.
Millie spun to the side, taking off the lower legs of a female agent with kusarigama, then eviscerating her. She swung her axe as leverage for a leap onto another female agent, wrapping her legs around her neck and decapitating at least two more agents with the axe. Millie severed the leg of the agent she held onto, who then collapsed before Millie began strangling her with her thighs. Blitzo appeared to the side again, this time offering a bottle of water.
"How about some water?" Blitzo asked.
"Sure!" Millie accepted.
Blitzo squeezed the bottle, squirting its contents into her open mouth.
"Ahhh," Millie exclaimed. She then snapped the agent's neck. "Thanks, Blitz!"
"No problemy, Millie-Billie!" Blitzo replied, throwing the bottle away.
As Millie ran off to murder even more agents, Blitzo pulled out a submachine gun and a shotgun. His face showed a sadistic smile and lightly glowing eyes.
"Now, who wants some quality time with Daddy?" Blitzo exclaimed.
The camera zoomed out to reveal more agents ready to kill. Blitzo spun his guns, ran at an agent with sai, and leaped on him, firing at five agents with his shotgun before blasting the one he was grabbed onto. He leaped off and frontflipped, killing two agents with the submachine gun. Once he landed, he pulled a spiked baseball bat out of the backpack strapped to his chest, tripped an agent with it, then beat him in the stomach with it. He pulled a grenade out of the backpack and used the bat to hit it away into a group of hapless agents.
"FOOOORE!" Blitzo shouted as the grenade exploded, sending the agents (Or what was left of them) flying.
As this carnage was happening, agents one and two were attempting to flee the building. As Blitzo's grenade exploded, and they ducked and covered their heads in fear. They then saw the corpse of an agent hit the floor, a femur sticking out where his leg should be and his katana falling down and impaling him in the chest.
"Good God, why are we only using weapons from Japan's Edo Period?!" Agent One exclaimed, panicked..
"Hey!' Agent Two grabbed him by the lapels. "The Edo period was badass, and you know it!" She defended.
"Dammit, you're right." Agent One conceded.
"LOOK OUT!" Agent Two shouted.
Agent Two pulled Agent One down to the floor with her as Loona turned around, firing her energy rifle at more agents. She fired at other agents as Agents One and Two pulled themselves along the floor towards the exit. They were stopped by an agent's freshly severed head landing in front of them, courtesy of Millie. An agent with twin nunchaku ran at her only for limbs and blood to spatter, one nunchaku-wielding arm comically flying up to the ceiling like a helicopter before falling to the floor. The agents turned and pulled themselves another way as Loona shook an agent back and forth in her mouth.
The scene cut to Moxxie and Benedict standing on a pile of agents, the former blasting agent after agent with his shotgun and screaming bloody murder, and the latter carefully taking shots, now back with his trusty rifle, and impaling anyone who got too close. Moxxie flipped one agent into the air with his tail, causing him to spin, then he blasted him away. Benedict leapt down onto one agent, impaling them from above, before pulling his pistol out and shooting another group. More agents ran at him, only for him to duck and for Moxxie to fill them with buckshot.
Bitches!" Moxxie shouted.
Suddenly, Blitzo appeared next to Moxxie. "Hey, Mox!" He greeted, startling the well dressed imp.
Moxxie dropped his shotgun, and it landed on its buttstock, accidentally going off and hitting an agent in the crotch. The unfortunate agent weakly reached a hand up at Moxxie.
"Ohhh, wow. Really going for the dick there, ain'tcha?" Blitzo remarked.
"Help..." the agent weakly pleaded.
"Here, I got it for ya." Blitzo said. He took out the knife he used earlier and stabbed the agent directly in the head. "Now, hold this." He instructed, dumping the backpack into Moxxie's hands and rummaging through it, pulling out a ridiculously oversized rocket launcher, labeled 'My Dick'.
"Oh, yeah! I'm getting hard holding this motherfucker!" Blitzo exclaimed. He fired a large rocket labeled "PUSSY DESTROYER" and gave an evil laugh. The rocket flew toward a group of agents on the other side of the broken window and exploded, causing both Millie and Loona to flinch away from the flames, and for Benedict to duck and roll away from the explosion. Millie's axe was also blown out of her hands by the blast.
"Oh, crumbs! Is everyone okay?" Moxxie asked, looking at the others.
Blitzo jumped directly on top of him. "WOOOOOO! How's THAT for demon scum?!" He cheered, caught up in the moment.
"Please tell me the building isn't collapsing right now." Benedict walked past Blitzo, looking up at the ceiling, which definitely looked worse for wear.
Blood was dripping from the few shards left in the frame of the broken window. It panned over to Agents One and Two hiding under a desk. Agent Two nodded at Agent One, signaling him to hit a red button next to him aptly labeled "RED BUTTON." This set off an alarm and caused the lights to turn off, replaced by flashing, red alarms.
"Really? It took them this long to call an emergency?" Benedict raised an eyebrow, unimpressed by the agents security protocols.
"Oh, shit! C'mon, fam! Let's blow this cocksicle joint!" Blitzo exclaimed, booking it for the exit.
Millie, Benedict, and Loona quickly followed, and Millie hoisted Moxxie off the ground and brought him along.
Before they could leave, the doors closed in front of them. A set of iron bars lowered in front of the doors, then a garage door closed further down, followed by a large steel door clamping down. Lasers activated outside the steel door, and bathroom doors closed outside of that, with the vacancy indicator switching to "Occupied."
"Quick! The book!" Moxxie said to Loona, who pulled Stolas' Grimoire out of the backpack and attempted to read it.
"Shit! I can't... I can't read the spell in this light! I can't see dick!" Loona exclaimed, looking around worried.
Blitzo searched himself for more weapons but came out empty-handed, while Benedict checked his rifle, confirming it was out of ammunition.
"Well, shit. Looks like we've milked this weapon tit dry, and now we're out of badassery." Blitzo remarked, seeming more annoyed than anything.
The silhouettes of Agents One and Two slid menacingly into view.
"Ha! You demons aren't going anywhere now! Haaa!" Agent Two taunted, her and agent two approaching them with pistols raised.
Benedict, thinking on his feet, held his rifle up in one hand like a javelin, and, squinting to aim in the dim lighting, was about to throw it. At the apex of his wind up, however, he stopped, looking around with suspicious eyes and noticing strange happenings around them.
The rest of the I.M.P. gang's shadows grew and melded into a hideous beast. A screen suddenly turned on and flickered, rattling around aggressively before turning off, then showing the agents' reflections and the four-eyed silhouette of a certain someone who wasn't there before. The agents were startled as the screen broke off of the wall, fell at their feet, and slid away. Two more screens then broke off of the wall while the rest shuddered and displayed static.
"Who dares threaten... my impish little plaything?" Stolas' voice echoed from the shadows.
"Who said that?!" Agent One questioned.
Benedict sighed. "Alright then. Have your fun, Stolas." He strapped his rifle to his back, and crossed his arms, looking annoyed.
The agents looked at the floor, where bird-like footprints appeared, coming towards them. Another monitor bashed Agent One in the face, removing his shades and knocking him to the floor. He turned to look at Agent Two.
"Agent Two?" Agent One called out.
Agent Two's head was spasming, her red eyes wide and mouth slack in shock and horror. Around her, dead bodies stood up, eyes completely black and empty. Agent Two tried to stop her head from spasming with her hands but failed. The black-eyed bodies knelt. Agent One stood back up, his shades returned to his face, and attempted to approach Agent Two. She removed her own shades, and her head twisted around to look at Agent One. She now had sharp teeth, bloodshot eyes, and her mascara had formed sharp streaks down her cheeks.
"What's the matter, demon hunter? Never seen a REAL demon before?" Agent Two spoke with both a British accent and Stolas' voice.
As the rest of the imps looked on in mild terror, Benedict himself was unfazed, snatching the book from an oblivious Loona's hands and, pulling a flashlight out of his coat, began trying to figure out how to open a portal back. The flashlight flickered, likely due to Stolas's interference, but a few smacks from Benedict got it back to working.
The dead bodies drew Stolas' summoning circle around Agent Two in their own blood, which now dripped from their eyes and mouths. She chuckled maliciously, her eye twitching and her nose bleeding. Agent One looked on in terror as Agent Two's head whipped back to its normal orientation. Her eyes had rolled back. She threw her head back and vomited shadowy sludge and feathers. Demented laughter could be heard in a variety of voices. Agent Two and the I.M.P. gang watched, with Loona even snapping a photo, as the shadows coalesced into a demonic owl monster.
"Hurry it up, would ya?" Benedict shouted, annoyed by the spectacle, and somewhat ruining the moment.
The shadow beast ignored him and approached the two agents, screaming and roaring at them as they huddled together out of sheer horror. The demon beast's essence pulled back and turned into Stolas, looking at the agents with disdain. He turned away from them and clicked a button, shutting off the alarm and the red light. The series of doors could be heard opening off-screen. Stolas walked up to the gathered I.M.P. group, stopping in front of Blitzo.
"Stolas? Wha-... A- Wh- Hold on, how did you know that we needed help?" Blitzo asked, confused by the royal demons prescence.
"I have my ways, darling. Are you alright?" Stolas leaned forward, gazing into Blitzo's eyes as he placed a hand on his cheek. Blitzo rolled his eyes.
"Ugh. I'm fine, Stolas," Blitzo replied.
"Very much so." Stolas softened his voice. "Mm. Good." He caressed Blitzo's head. Suddenly, he pulled Blitzo's head in roughly by his cheek and adopted a sharper, angrier tone. "How the FUCK... did you get caught by humans?! Are you little creatures not being careful up here?! You know, if you get in trouble, I get in trouble! WE... don't want that!"
"They... caught us off guard, your highness," Moxxie explained.
"And we had the situation under control, in case you hadn't noticed." Benedict remarked, angrily staring at the book. "Let's see..." He began muttering an incantation to himself, working through the steps to open a portal back to Hell. Stolas glanced over at Benedict, raising an eyebrow at the imp's audacity.
"Yeah, you can unclench your bird-puss, Stolas. It's not gonna happen again, 'kay?" Blitzo added.
"Luckily for you... most don't believe the word of the demon-obsessed lunatics." Stolas commented, gesturing towards the cowering agents. "They are seen as kooks!" He giggled, as the two agents trembled in fear, still desperately clinging onto each other. "Kooks! Such a silly word!" He clapped his hands together with delight. "Now! Let us all re-"
Suddenly, there was a woosh as Benedict managed to successfully open a red, swirling portal back to the I.M.P office in hell. "Portal's open. We should go, sir." He remarked, stashing the book into his seemingly bottomless coat and stealing Stolas's thunder.
Stolas frowned at the shorter imp. "Impressive work, Benedict. I see you do have some useful skills after all," Stolas commented sarcastically, slightly annoyed at having his moment stolen.
Benedict ignored him, stepping through the portal without waiting for further commentary.
"Yes, please. I'd like to get back to the correct hellhole as soon as possible," Moxxie says, eager to depart. He hops through the portal and lends a helping hand to Millie.
Loona, quickly follows the married imps, as Stolas, displaying a touch of chivalry, lifts Blitzo into a bridal carry.
"Am I going to get any thank you for the rescue, Blitzy?" Stolas inquires, a hint of anticipation in his voice as he steps back into hell.
Blitzo, with a smirk on his face, responds, "Well, I suppose you should. Want me to fuck your brains out tonight?"
Stolas's excitement is palpable as he leans in for a kiss. Blitzo, however, surprises him by grabbing the back of his head and pulling it back, causing Stolas to blush.
"Alright. But, you're keepin' quiet, or I'm usin' those bear traps." Blitzo warns, his finger tracing a line down Stolas's face. The demon shudders with evident pleasure, his feathers fluffing out.
"Ohhhh, please do~" Stolas responds eagerly.
The two engage in a passionate French kiss as the portal closes behind them. Agents One and Two observe their departure.
"So, what now?" Agent Two asks, unsure of the next course of action.
Agent One, brimming with excitement, exclaims, "What now?! We finally got the evidence we needed to be taken... seriously!" He walks off-screen and approaches a computer, clearing away some debris before typing on the keyboard.
Agent One walked over to a computer and started typing on the keyboard. Four monitors went from static to showing security camera footage of the events of the last few minutes. The first three monitors showed footage of the I.M.P. crew slaughtering agents, while the fourth showed Stolas rearing over the cowering Agents One and Two in his demonic beast form before transforming into his normal form. Notably, all three monitors showing the I.M.P. crew were green, while the footage of Stolas was red with a cracked camera lens. Agent Two walked up, and the two agents put their shades back on, smiling confidently.
"Nobody in corporate is ignoring this." Agent One exclaimed victoriously.
A/N:That went a lot faster than other chapters, I must say. I honestly don't have much to say about this one, and I'm tired, so... Feedback/suggestions are appreciated, thanks for reading, blah blah blah... You know, the usual stuff.