LISA
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Stretching my arms over my head I crack my back, feeling the exhaustion from working all last night until 5 am get to me. Damn the stretch feels good though. I couldn't sleep more than four hours with all the work that needed to be done before opening this afternoon for Mags. I need to hire someone new. Someone with experience who already knows what to do because I sure as hell don't have the time to train someone. Needle, meet haystack.
"Pass the gravy," Pops tells me. He's to my left, expecting me to pay attention when I can barely keep my eyes open.
After stifling a yawn, I reach across the table for the white ceramic rooster that holds the gravy. I'm fairly sure it's supposed to be for milk or creamer, but before I can take it my sister Chaeng bats my hand away.
"I'm not done with it," she tells me. I raise both my hands in surrender.
"Then pour it on your damn plate," Pops says, staring at the gravy. He's got a full plate of carved turkey, mashed potatoes and corn, with a fork in his right hand. He's acting like he's going to starve this minute if he doesn't get that gravy on, more than likely, every inch of his dinner.
"Language!" Ma snaps at him and I chuckle. She passes him the gravy though, and makes my sister gasp. That's what she gets for taking forever spooning out the potatoes I guess.
It's just the six of us tonight. Minnie is at my left like usual, Ma's across from me and Pops is seated at the head of the table on my right. Minnie's fiancé Michael sits on the end next to her while Chaeng sits across from her.
"I need the gravy, Ma," Chaeng says with a pout.
It's hard to imagine that Chaeng is a grown ass woman with a child from the way she just whined.
Cutting into my turkey and taking a bite, I don't wait for the gravy that's become such a commodity. I'm starving and I didn't realize it until I smelled dinner. Shit, I don't even remember the last time I ate. We were slammed today with both orders, and customers. Business is good, but I'm dog tired. Chaeng stifles a yawn as well as she looks over her shoulder at the rocker holding her sleeping baby. Rocker or swing, I don't know. Apparently there's a difference and Evie won't sleep in one of the contraptions. From what my brother-in-law says, the baby doesn't sleep at all.
"I need to eat fast," Chaeng says beneath her breath; maybe we were sharing the same thought. She rubs the sleep from her eyes with one hand, while spooning in corn with the other.
Ma places her elbows on the table, folding her hands for grace.
"Oh," Minnie chirps up. "Can I say grace?"
I set my fork down although it clinks on the plate, drawing the attention of my entire family as I try to pretend I'm not chewing.
Family dinner. Every Sunday. No exception.
Except for the fact that today is Tuesday. Chaeng needed to get out of the house with Evie and Ma decided this dinner was mandatory.
Chaeng doesn't like being alone all day, every day, and I can't blame her. She's a social creature and being alone in the house with a newborn all day has got to be rough. Especially with the no sleeping part. Ma said it's family dinner tonight, so that's all there is to it.
"Wait for grace," my mother scolds me under her breath, giving Chaeng a pass which my widened eyes and darting glance points out.
"Can I say it?" Minnie repeats, with even more desperation this time around.
I never wait for grace. Ma shakes her head at me and nods in response to Minnie.
My youngest sister's excitement makes my lips kick up into a smirk. She grabs her napkin off of the table and smooths it out on her lap over her pale blue dress, all the while waiting for everyone to bow their heads.
"As long as it has nothing to do with the wedding," Michael says under his breath next to her. My grin widens as Minnie's mouth opens in disbelief.
Pops chuckles to my right, and I can't help doing the same. Both Ma and Minnie are obsessed over this wedding; it's all the women in this family ever talk about lately.
"Hush." Ma waves Michael away and bows her head. We all follow suit, the room quieting down as we wait.
"Bless us, Lord. Thank you for these gifts, which we are about to receive... Including my wedding," Minnie says. She lifts her head to peek at Michael. He huffs a small laugh and shakes his head while resting his forehead on his hands. She pauses a minute, waiting for him to do or say anything, but he's quiet. "May you stay with us through our journey and bless us along the way. Amen."
The second she's done, the forks are lifted and the conversation continues. Michael and Pops are talking about the game last night. I'm half listening, half trying to eat as fast as I can so I can get back home.
"I can't believe Jackson had to work," Ma says… again.
She's brought it up about half a dozen times since I've been here. Ma has one wish, and it's for everyone to be home on Sunday. Jackson's a mechanic and owns his own shop. Usually it's not a problem, but he's been working more since little Evelyn came along.
"We need the extra money," Chaeng says softly. There are bags under her eyes, and I can tell she's just as tired as I am, maybe even more so. Pops motions for me to pass her the gravy, but Michael leans over the table and snatches it before I can. He's quick with it and then hands it off to Chaeng.
That white ceramic rooster brightens her spirits as Chaeng sits straighter in the chair and pours it all over the turkey and mashed potatoes. She's practically smothering her entire plate with the gravy.
Just before she sets it down, little Miss Evie starts crying for the first time since she's been here. Chaeng's head whips around, and her face falls.
"No, no, no," she says quietly. She walks over and shushes Evie softly while rocking the bassinet. She's fucking exhausted.
"She's still not sleeping well?" Minnie asks while craning her neck to see the baby.
Chaeng presses her lips into a thin line and shakes her head. Her expression has completely fallen.
"I'll take her," I speak without thinking and scoot my chair out some, the legs scraping on the wooden floor and hold my hands out. Chaeng doesn't waste a second to round the table with the little two-month-old all bundled up in her arms.
"Thank you," she says quickly, ready to eat her dinner like it's a race.
I've got a soft spot for Evie. She's the first baby I've ever held and to be honest I didn't know if I was doing it right. Her eyes are closed, and her hands are balled into little fists as Chaeng settles her on my chest. She's so small, such a tiny little thing with hardly any weight to her. She knows how to scream though, that's for certain.
I shush her and pat her bottom rhythmically as Chaeng takes off back to her seat and doesn't even scoot in before grabbing her fork.
My entire body moves slightly as I bounce little Evie, trying to get her to calm down. Her cry isn't loud like it was a moment ago and it doesn't affect me in the least, but I know it'll calm Chaeng down again if Evie is happy. It only takes a moment before Evie lays her head on my chest and lets out a long yawn. I watch her face as she falls back asleep and I slowly stop bouncing her.
"Oh, that's so cute," Minnie squeals before shoveling a mouthful of potatoes in.
"Aw, it is. My oldest girl." Ma sounds so proud, but I completely avoid her gaze. I know what's coming next, and it's only when she says the words that I regret offering to hold Evie.
"You need one of your own, I think," Ma says matter-of-factly. She grabs the gravy and puts a modest amount over her turkey. I believe the rooster has made its way to everyone but me.
I have to readjust Evie slightly so I can hold her against my chest with only my left arm.
I ignore Ma and say, "It's 'cause I'm a heater. Puts her right to sleep."
With my right hand free, I cut the turkey with my fork and take another bite.
"You do need one," Chaeng says. I practically choke on the turkey. I stare at her down the table, feeling like she just stabbed me in the back.
"Babies are so wonderful," she says softly. I don't even know how to respond she's obviously deranged from lack of sleep.
"I'd need a wife for that. And I'm fine with the current state when it comes to that." I grip my glass on the table and take a quick swig, feeling my body tense up before I set the glass down.
I keep my eyes on my plate, ignoring everyone else. We've had this conversation so many times. Over and over, for five long years. Both my sisters are younger, both moving on with their lives the way they should according to this small town.
My plans got fucked over. Literally. And Ma never fails to remind me that I need to get back on track.
"You know I saw Wendy's mother the other day—"
I cut my mother off, feeling the frustration of just wanting to eat a damn meal in this house without talking about that woman.
"I'd rather not talk about it or her." I look her square in the eyes when I say it, and I know Ma immediately regrets bringing her up. I set my fork down and start rocking Evie again as her tummy grumbles.
It's not that she wants us to get back together. I know that. It's that my mother wants me to be happy again, like I was with Wendy. Or the way she thinks I was with her.
Ma has no idea.
This town has a good memory. Wendy and I were supposed to be just like Chaeng and Jackson. High school sweethearts, together through college, married by twenty-five and a baby not long after.
At thirty years old, with no plans of marriage, I'm failing those expectations.
But that's what happens when your fiancée and your best friend decide they should have a drunken weekend fling at the beach.
Everyone knows what they did, but no one talks about it. Not my family, and not most of the town. It's why I moved to the outskirts and bought the damn bar. Five years later, and the pain of her cheating on me is mostly gone. I'm numb. But I'm not fucking stupid. Both of them can go to hell.
Not all women cheat. I know that, and I'm over it. I don't feel like having my heart ripped out again. No fucking thank you. It's been five years since I took that ring back and showed Wendy the door… and kicked Sehun's ass.
For a second, just a split second, I see Jennie in my mind. I picture her absently checking her phone with that sad look on her face. She would never cheat. She knows what she wants. Wendy wasn't sure. That's what she told me. I was all she ever had and so she needed to be sure.
I close my eyes as I shush Evie, forcing that conversation out of my head, my lips close to her head and my right hand patting her back. I know Jennie has gotta be hurting about not being able to have kids. She's talked about it more than once to me. I don't like seeing that sadness behind those beautiful catlike eyes of hers. She doesn't strike me as a woman who'd cheat. A woman like her isn't interested in someone like me though. She wants a commitment and someone with stability, and there's no way I'm getting her without promising her just that in return.
I've made too many mistakes, been burned too many times. The bar does great some weeks, not so great the next. She doesn't want me. She'd make cute little babies though.
Evie starts crying a little harder the second my bouncing stops. Crap. Chaeng hops up from her seat with her arms out ready to take her. I don't fight her in the least and pass Evie back to her.
I'm not ready for a relationship, let alone to be a parent.
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