Chapter three: Home is a feeling
The last few days had done me good. Hard work kept my troubles at bay, and eating properly made my body stronger. I stood up early every morning, even before Bane. Hunter would come and wake me up, his soft whines too hard to ignore. I did not mind, I loved the early mornings here. I would wash my face in the sink, bind my hair in a bun or brand and make some tea. When Bane and I had eaten breakfast, I would usually wash the clothes outside in the tub, so they could dry afterwards in the not so hot yet sun. Bane was not a man of many words, or clothes. I liked that, I was the same. Living here had gotten me a old shirt from Bane, and another pair of jeans I had cut short. It was simply too hot to walk around in a long pair of jeans here.
Bane spent a lot of time building vences to give the camels a larger space to live in, and eventually grow their camel family. I liked to watch the camels. They seemed happy here, content. They had amazingly long lashes, blinking lazily at me when I would come and talk to them.
'You know they will not answer, right?' Bane told me once, mocking me, a smile around his lips. I gave him a look.
'But they do Bane, you just have to watch them a little closer for it,' I replied, petting the biggest camel on his head. Bane shook his head, laughing, before he left me with the camels.
I admired how Bane had build his life here. He had placed not one, but two water wells, so he always had water, even when one well would dry out. It was both our tasks to make sure the camels had enough to drink, as water the plants. The house had its own water supply. It hardly ever rained, what made it that much harder to grow anything here in the dry ground. But Bane succeeded. And even I could keep the vegetables alive. It made me proud.
'You are getting better in the garden everyday,' Bane commented to me during dinner, we took on the porch that day. I watched him slowly. I noticed he was talking a little more to me each and every day, like it had taken him some time to trust me and get to know me, but now that he did, everything was different. He kept talking whenever I least expected him to, like during dinners. And he even complimented me. Why?
'Thanks to you,' I answered softly, finishing my plate. Hunter was playing with a football, now it finally became a little less hot. It had been a unforgiving day, the sun burning brighter than ever.
'Tell me more about the foster homes you were in,' he than asked. I stilled. I noticed my body froze. I hated talking about that. But there was also a part in me that wanted to share my story, to let it out. I just did not know if I was ready yet.
'Like what?' I asked him, not looking him in the eye. He leaned back a little, staring at me. I kept avoiding his gaze.
'What made them so horrible?' he asked. I was dumbfounded he had even remembered the exact words I had used. So he was paying more attention to me than I originally thought. Noted.
I was still not sure if I should share the information. The thoughts scarred me, hurt my soul. I was ashamed to speak of them. Bane simply waited, not urging me any further. I swallowed and watched Hunter who lazily came closer, sitting down before me, demanding some attention in the form of ear scratches. That helped.
'The first ones weren't even that bad, just cold. And lonely. The older I got, the less foster homes would want to take in new kids.' I started. Hunter grunted in approval as I scratched a bit harder. Bane remained completely silent, yet I felt his eyes burning onto my side. I kept watching the dog instead, sure that if I met his gaze I would not be able to continue any further.
'The families that would take me in… they did it for the money that came with it. There was no support for me or the other kids.' There was more, but I was not sure I wanted to share that yet.
'I hate money.' I then said, watching him briefly. He was watching me with great interest. He was so calm, so balanced. Those facts alone made me feel better, they helped me heal. He would never know grateful his presence made me.
'Most people love money. The more the better,' he finally broke the silence. I huffed. He seemed to get even more interested at that.
'I don't. Money is just another way to make other people feel bad. Money is power.' He seemed curious.
'How so?' he asked. I licked my lips. even though the sun was almost completely down, the air was dry.
'I never see you walking around, waving your money and buying things. And you seem happy enough,' I answered. His face opened up a bit. Like only for now he would let his guard down, just a bit.
'You are quite the observer, aren't you Odette,' he told me. I looked away.
'But you are right,' he continued. 'I like it here. I don't need much money. Only hard work and a little bit of luck with the weather. That's all. There's no better way of life for me.'
His words drew me closer. I turned not only my face but my body a bit, earning a grunt from Hunter, who stood and walked away.
'How did you end up here?' I asked him. He cocked his head to the side, maybe he was thinking about if he should tell me. I he wanted to. I simply waited.
'I had a very, explosive, life. Much happened. Much action, accompanied with much loss and grief… I needed to get away from people, from the world I guess. This place has all I need and could want.' He had watched the sky while speaking, but right now, he turned his eyes on me, watching right into my eyes.
'But you too are familiar with grief and loss, and maybe there are even more similarities between the two of us,' he continued. I swallowed but could not answer that question. I didn't want to talk about it, not yet. I nodded and looked away. He seemed to understand that, for he was not urging me in any way. He just looked at me, his eyes watching me, taking me in. But not in a way I would have expected from a man. I knew the look of lust. How men who thought they ruled the world acted as if they could own other people. Bane was nothing like that. He seemed to watch me with curiosity, kindness. Like he was honestly interested in my story. I had felt the change in the air between us the last couple of days. He acted more natural around me. He still was his grumpy self, he appreciated the silence. But he was trying to open up with me. I did not know the reason why, but he did nonetheless.
'How old are you?' I then asked him. I had blurted it out. It had been in my mind, and then suddenly it was on my lips. I cautiously met his eyes. He did not seemed to mind though. I don't know why I feared he would get angry. Maybe it had to do with my past experiences.
'I am thirty eight next month,' came his easy reply. I nodded softly. I had expected something like that.
'So there's twenty years of experience I have on you. Trust me when I say life can be good. It should be good.' Those words came unexpected. I watched him through my lashes.
'You have showed me goodness already. I have never lived anywhere more peaceful.' He seemed catched off guard at my reply.
'Good.' It was the last word shared between us that night. It did not take long before we headed inside to place the dishes away and get some rest. Hunter was already lying on the kitchen floor, breathing gently. It was the first evening Bane did not wait till I was in bed, sleeping or pretending to be. He joined me instead, pulling his shirt from his head and getting ready for bed. However the nights were never cold, I always kept my shirt on. The reason why I kept to myself. Bane never asked me why, he just let me bed. I removed my shorts and stepped in bed, feeling the other side of the bed dip as well. We both remained silent as we got under the covers, both on our sides. I stared at the wall, my brain working hard to try and place the pieces that were Bane together. Such a enormous man, muscular, strong and balanced. He was not hollywood handsome, but he was attractive nonetheless. His age was expected, it made him even more balanced. He had already lived a life, had experienced enough to know the world we lived in. He maybe was not aware of it, but he made me feel safe. He made me feel like I was home. I felt the bed move a little more, and my brain expected a touch that never came. I was not sure if I feared a man's touch still, or if I wanted Bane to hold me. It would remain a mystery for now. I closed my eyes contently. Being home was more important than being loved. I could recall the feeling of being loved by my parents, but feeling home somewhere was a different story. I had lived in so many homes that were awful to me, that feeling at home was more important right now. It was the most precious thing someone could gift me with.