Chapter six: Don't give up

That night I had a hard time falling asleep. My eyes were glued to the ceiling. How could I have let everything come this far. I lived with a complete stranger. I shared his bed for a few weeks. I even kissed him… I tossed and turned but ended right back on my back, watching the ceiling once more.

The biggest worry I had was that the kiss had felt good. Not wrong. The whole tension between us had felt good. Scary yes, but good. I had no clue what was happening and it scared me.

Never had I shared a kiss that was intended on my part. Until now I had been quite sure I did not even like kissing. Like at all. But there was something different here. The atmosphere, living under the hot Australian sun, the outdoor life with the animals. It felt like it was too good to be true. Like a paradise to me. And it confused me greatly.

Bane, on the other hand was not the person you'd expect to see in paradise. His inside was, of course, but his outside was rough, muscular and extremely strong. I bit my lip. Now I thought about it, I myself was the most out of place here. I had a lot of issues, I was damaged goods. Someone had taken my self worth and I had no clue how to get it back, Maybe that was not even possible after what had happened. Maybe it had been my own fold. I single tear made it's way down my cheek.

Bane maybe saw a little girl, unsure and afraid of the world. And yes I had felt better being here. I had found my place, I loved it here. I like living under this roof, doing the chores that came with it. But it was wrong to fool Bane. I would never be a complete woman. I would always be scared of affection. I would always look out and run when something would come to close.

I sighed deeply. Maybe it was better to leave eventually. Before Bane would get attached to me. And I to him. I closed my eyes and felt another tear run down my cheek. I hated to admit it, but it was a fact now, I liked Bane a lot more than I should. He made me feel safe, he made me feel home…

The following morning I woke with a start, feeling the bed shudder. I quickly opened my eyes. Most mornings Hunter would come and wake me, this time it was something else.

'Good morning Odette,' came Bane's deep voice. He sat on the edge of the bed, on his side. His eyes suddenly seemed to read my every move, every thought. I shuddered a bit.

'Good morning,' I answered. I looked down and wondered where Hunter was. Bane saw it.

'Hunter is on chicken duty. One got out last night.' I smiled. The voice was obviously belonging to the big man next to me, but his words were what surprised me.

'Chicken duty?' I asked. He smiled and nodded.

'Get dressed, we have a vence to repair, I fear.'

I had slept a little longer then I usually did, and wondered why Bane had let me. Did he think I needed it after yesterday? Had I been so tired?

We spent the entire afternoon fixing the vence and testing it, seeing if it was actually chicken proof. The one chicken that had gotten out, the one I had named Marie, was proudly tocking at Hunter, who kept a sharp eye at her.

'You can watch her, but don't eat her Hunter,' I told the dog, scratching his ear. He whined in content at my touch, leaning in to me. I saw Bane smile at my words. I noticed he still was affectionate towards me, but he seemed to keep a little distance between us. Was he doing that on purpose? Or was he already regretting our kiss? Was he wondering how we should continue from here on out? What if he wanted me to leave?

I stilled from that last thought. What if our bond grew even closer, maybe even more romantic and then shattered… Would that mean I would have to leave? I felt cold thinking about it, standing in the Australian sun.

'You are awfully quiet Odette, are you feeling alright?' Bane's question came during dinner. We ate some soup with breadsticks, those that could be kept good for months. But it tastes good to me. I looked up and let my eyes meet his. They stood sharp, but question written within them. I placed my spoon down.

'I am.' It was all I managed to say. I had been asking myself questions all day and the subject that mattered most came back repeatedly. Would it be good to stay here? Was that honestly good for Bane, or just for me? I had no answer.

'I am planning a trip to town somewhere next week.I need some supplies that I would like to pick out myself. I want you to join me.' I licked my lips. I felt joy and safety at his words. He wanted me to come with him. He wanted me to be by his side.

But then the little devil on my shoulder started speaking too. Maybe he would want me to come so he could leave me in town… would he? I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I think Bane noticed it too, for he suddenly seemed a lot more worried than before.

'Odette?' he asked. I quickly excused myself and walked outside, into the fresh night air. It calmed me down. Even though I could hear Bane's footsteps, his presence was what made me notice him behind me.

'You are not feeling well,' he stated. I slowly sunk down, so I could sit on the wooden porch.

'It'll pass…' I replied. Closing my eyes. I took steady breaths, counting so I would calm down. When I opened my eyes, Bane was sitting on the porch too, right before me.

'Share your thoughts with me,´ he asked. I shuddered.

'I don't think I can,' I whispered back. It were his eyes that drew me in, I noticed. They seemed to sense everything I felt. Everything I loved and feared. They seemed so clear, so sharp.

'Odette, We don't have to rush anything. We don't have to do anything at all. But sharing your thoughts with me will help you to relativate. It'll help you heal.' His words sounded genuine and I knew there was a truth in them somewhere. But I was not ready to see it yet.

'I am sorry,' I whispered. Instead of getting angry be moved so he sat down right beside me, his arm touching mine. We sat down like that, watching the night sky for quite some time. It was when hunter came to join us, sitting down in front of us, demanding petting that I found the words and courage to say them.

'I feel safe, being here, with you.' Bane turned his head a little but remained silent. I needed a few minutes to continue.

'My biggest fear is to leave. I love this place. Living outside, doing chores, taking care of the animals. And I really like… Being here. With you,' The last part was the hardest. Bane remained silent, but his hand found his way to mine, taking it gently in his, squeezing it the tiniest bit before he let go.

'I sense a but somewhere in those words,' he then said. I turned my head and watched him. What did he mean.

'I don't understand-' He grinned.

'You mean all those words you just said. I know it. But there is something you are holding back.' I thought about his words for a moment. And then I knew what he meant. He had sensed it. But I was quite sure I would not be able to say it out loud. But Bane was.

'You fear what might go wrong. That is what is holding you back. You are not going to give it a fair chance to prevent that. But that is not the right way Odette. That is losing by default. You have to really try. You have to be brave in life.'

I felt a tear run down my cheek at his words. How could this man say exactly what I felt? How did he know?

'I know,' I said softly, after a few moments of silence.

'We have all the time in the world. Take every bit you need. I am not going anywhere. And if I am going, you are coming with me.'

His eyes bore into mine. HIs hand suddenly found mine again and caressed it slowly, gently.

'Thank you,' I whispered. He smiled and ever so slowly leaned in closer, right until he lips touched mine.

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