The night, that Eren told Mikasa everything, Eren couldn't sleep. Neither could Mikasa.
Eren knew she was mad at him. "And she should be." He thought to himself. He knew that the best thing he could do was to give her space, but he couldn't help but worry about how she was doing.
He tried to subtly listen through the walls to see if she was crying. He couldn't hear anything so he assumed she had gone to sleep. But he was up all night. Worrying about all the horrible possibilities. Worrying he would wake up, and she will have left the cabin. Left him. Because of what a horrible person he is.
Mikasa was lying in her bed, eyes wide open. She wasn't asleep and she wasn't crying. She was just staring at the wall opposite her. She felt dead inside. Like everything she ever knew was a lie. How could she ever forgive him? She didn't know that she could.
The next few days, Mikasa did everything she could to avoid Eren. She would go fishing by herself for hours, hiking up in their mountains alone, or walk straight to her bedroom and close the door.
Eren still made her food, but he would leave it out for her rather than taking it to her. She barely touched most of it.
Some meals, accepting his act of kindness was too much for her to handle and she would make her own food leaving what he made for her untouched.
Eren knew he had no right to push Mikasa to come around so he kept his distance as much as possible. But it was agonizing. He was in hell in his new found solidarity.
Finally, after almost a week of this torture, he got an idea. Taking a deep breath, he exited his room and heart pounding, he knocked on Mikasa's door.
"Mikasa?" He said. Breaking their silence for the very first time.
"Come in." She responded coldly.
Hearing her voice again after so long was like sinking into a warm bath. Even if it did leave anger lingering in the air. He opened the door and peered inside.
She was reading a book on her bed. He looked into her eyes and it was almost enough to bring him to tears. He realized they hadn't even looked each other in the face all this time either.
But seeing the expression of anger on her face brought him back to their situation and what his goal was here. Trying to remain brave, he walked up to her and grabbed her hand.
"Let go of me!" Mikasa shot back, pulling her hand away.
"Trust me…. Please?" Eren said with a look of pleading in his eyes.
Despite every fiber of her being wanting to resist, curiosity took over and Mikasa got out of bed. She followed him out the door and over into the clearing by the trees when Eren finally stopped and turned to face her.
"Fight me."
"What?" Mikasa asked.
"We said we wanted to spar didn't we? Fight me."
Mikasa scoffed and turned to walk back to the cabin. Realizing she was about to leave, Eren gave her a hard shove. Mikasa fell forward but easily caught herself. Turning on him, eyes blazing she yelled at him.
"Are you kidding me Eren?!"
"Fight me!" He yelled back raising his fists up by his face. He punched at her and she blocked it. "Do it Mikasa! I know you want to."
Even though the last thing she wanted was to give Eren what he wanted, she found herself giving him a good hard kick to the side.
"Good." Eren praised before he threw another blow at her himself.
Feeling shocked at how intense his hits were, Mikasa felt inclined to hit him even harder. She yelled as she pushed at his gut. This time he had to dodge the hit. It was a full Ackerman hit and his survival instincts kicked in.
"Now we're getting somewhere." He responded sounding as confident as he could.
They started circling each other, waiting for the other to make the first move.
Being this close to him for the first time in days, she suddenly found her mind wandering. Wandering to another world where the world trembled at the sight of this face. This face that she had learned to grow so fond of.
The thought sent a sharp pain through her heart and the next thing she knew, the pain had turned once again to anger. Anger being her driving force, she stopped holding back.
Now she was punching and kicking at full strength, and for Mikasa, full strength meant that any one of these blows would likely result in broken bones.
Eren was holding her off pretty well at first and she'd be lying if she didn't admit she was impressed. He dodged and blocked most of them.
But now Mikasa had gone feral. Grunting and screaming as she went.
Eventually, it seemed as though Eren had accepted he was going to get hit, and he stopped trying as hard.
In this moment, he found himself thinking back on their conversation about her being less scary than Levi, and he questioned if he should change his stance on the subject. The look in her eye, the ferocity? It was downright terrifying.
One particularly hard kick landed square on Eren's left ribcage and he felt them break.
"HOW COULD YOU?" She yelled.
Through her onslaught of blows, she had backed him up against a tree and now he had nowhere to go.
She landed another kick to his knee and he fell to the ground.
"AFTER EVERYTHING I DID FOR YOU?!"
Next thing she knew, Mikasa was punching him in the face. She felt his check bone crack under her knuckle, but that didn't stop her.
"FUCK YOU EREN!"
She punched and kicked until she couldn't anymore standing upright, chest heaving.
She looked down at what she had done. Eren was sitting back against the tree, covered in blood. And even still, she couldn't find it within herself to feel sorry for him. In fact, part of her was happy to see the gruesome sight.
She turned and stormed into the cabin, slamming the door behind her. She turned to look around at the cabin as her breathing slowed down.
Feeling calmer, she decided to look back through the window at Eren. He was still sitting at the base of the tree. He lifted his right arm and wrapped it around his body to feel his shattered ribs, and used the other arm to try to push himself up. He winced and fell back down to the ground.
Suddenly, finally, Mikasa came back to herself. Seeing him struggle in pain. Pain she had caused, caused a searing pain to surge through her body. Next thing she knew, she was running back outside to him.
"Eren!" She yelled in desperation.
She bent down and wrapped her arm under his right side, helping him get up. He grunted and groaned as he stood. Slowly, she helped him limp back into the house.
"Let's get you in your bed." She said as she helped him lie down.
"Eren." She said again "I'm… I'm so sor-" but she got cut off by his weak voice.
"Don't you dare apologize" He said through swollen cheeks, "This was my intention. I wanted this. I thought it might help you if you could beat me senseless." He said with a soft chuckle.
"I'm just fine. Really. I'll heal in a few hours and I'll look like it never happened." He looked into her eyes and gave her what he could of a smile with his broken face.
"I mean it Mikasa" he continued when he saw she still looked worried. "You're not allowed to feel bad about this. It's less than I even deserve and I don't see you any differently." He grabbed her hand and gave it a little squeeze.
Mikasa sat there for a moment before she responding.
"Okay… is there anything I can do for you until you're healed?"
"Nope." He said, releasing her hand from his hold and putting it on his stomach. "I just want to sleep it off if that's okay with you?"
"Yes of course! Get as much sleep as you need." And she left the room closing the door gently behind her.
The next few hours she spent doing some deep thinking and soul searching.
After a while, she decided she would make the two of them dinner and have it ready by the time he wakes up as an apology since he wouldn't allow her to say a verbal one.
—-
As she is making dinner, she hears the door to his room open and she quickly whips around to see him.
He changed out of his bloody clothes and is now wearing some grey sweatpants and a thin black long sleeve shirt.
Mikasa instantly notices how nice he looks. With one hand scratching the back of his head, the other scratching his rib, lifting his shirt just a little bit so that she can clearly see the v shape his abs made.
"Eren!" She exclaimed running over to him. "How are you feeling?" She asked, stopping just short of making contact with him realizing she didn't really know what she was thinking running up to him like she was going to hug him.
"I'm perfectly fine. See?" He said pointing to his face and doing a few stretches to the side to show that he wasn't in any pain.
"I'm glad." She said looking down and blushing.
"I see you made us some food." He interrupted walking past her into the kitchen before she could try to apologize again.
"Yes I did! Would you like to eat it right now?"
"If you're ready to eat then I'd love to. I'm starving!" He says, turning to her and giving her a hearty smile.
"Yeah me too." She admits.
She dished them up and they sat at their table side by side and began to eat.
"Mmmm" Eren hummed. "This is so good Mikasa. Thank you."
"Yes of course!"
"Maybe it's because I haven't been able to eat much these last few days, but this is really hitting the spot."
"Yeah, I feel like food finally has flavor again." She agrees with a smile. "Thank you Eren."
He looked up from his food at her confused.
"I know I put you through a lot of pain today, but for some reason it really did help me clear my head."
"I'm glad." He replies taking another bite of food. "That was the goal after all."
"It got me thinking though. Would it be okay if I shared with you some of my thoughts?" She asked clearly uncomfortable and nervous about what she was building up to say.
"Of course." Said Eren a little nervous.
"As much as I hate to admit it, after what you told me the other day, I've come to the conclusion that you're a monster." She said bluntly. "Or at least you have a monster within you. A dark side. And that's scary. It's taken me a few days to come to terms with it, but it's the truth. Anyone who is capable of committing genocide isn't really a good person. And I wasn't sure that I could accept that."
Eren's heart fell into his stomach. And he stopped eating. Losing his appetite instantly.
The day had turned stormy and the rain and thunder started to feel like they were on theme for where this conversation was going.
"But you weren't born that way, and from what I gather, you're also not the only one who made that choice." She said referring to Ymir. "And then I couldn't help but think, I've also killed so many people. I killed all of those people that were part of Kenny's elite squad. I almost murdered Bertoldt, Riener and even Levi at one point. And from what you tell me from your other memories, I kill dozens of Marleyans and then even my very own Scouts." She says in one breath. "And then of course, you saw it today. I beat you almost to death. I'm not really a good person either. I have a monster within me too. A dark side."
Eren was all but holding his breath waiting to see where this was going.
"And if we are both terrible people, then maybe we are perfect for each other right? Because if that's the case then I can accept it. Maybe I was made just for you….." She turned her whole body to look at him in the eyes.
"Because I love you Eren! Dark side and all!"
All of this information took Eren about two seconds to process. Once everything she said registered to him, he didn't waste a second.
Before he could stop himself, he had thrown his chair to the ground and was rushing to Mikasa.
He scooped his hands underneath both of her thighs and lifted her up, slamming her body against his chest. He wrapped her legs around his torso, meeting her lips with his own.
She squealed a little bit at the surprise, but once she realized what was happening, she melted into his touch with ease.
She relaxed against him and began running her fingers through his long hair, pushing the back of his head forward against her face to deepen the already mouth bruising kiss.
Quickly, Eren found himself wanted to use his hands to feel her hair in his hands and run his fingers down her back. So he slid his left arm underneath both of her legs to hold her in place, being mindful to stay away from her butt for the time being out of respect for her.
Now that his right hand was free, he brought it up to the side of her face and squeezed her, if possible, even closer to his own face. After a few moments of this, he pulled her face away from his and looked up into her grey eyes, surveying her every expression.
"I love you too Mikasa." He said "I have for some time now. Dark side and all."
And then their mouths were on each other again. Mikasa tilted her head to the side and opened her mouth even wider than they'd ever kissed before. Next thing she knew, Eren's tongue was in her mouth, and she found she liked it.
His right hand was running down her back, pressing her in closer to him as it made its way down her back, stopping at the base of her spine.
She reciprocated the touguey kiss and could hear the soft sounds coming from his throat, indicating he too enjoyed this type of kissing.
Eren began walking them into her room. He placed her gently on the mattress, hovering his body over her, mouths still connected.
Mikasa couldn't take it anymore. She pulled his body down on top of hers and they both moaned at the full body contact. She squeezed her ankles together that were intertwined behind his back to bring him even closer.
After a few minutes in this position, Eren reached one arm under her shoulders and flipped them around, so that Mikasa was now on top of him.
Knees landing on both sides of his hips, straddling him, Mikasa could feel something growing underneath her center.
They had taken sexual education classes as cadets, so she knew exactly what that was. When she first learned about all of it, she thought it sounded disgusting. But in this moment, she found she was excited by what she was feeling underneath her…
The sun had now set and it was dark outside. With the rain falling hard, all they could hear was the wind, rain drops falling on their roof, and most of all, heavy breathing in between their kissing.
Since they hadn't brought a lantern into the room, the only light was that from the moon outside behind the clouds.
Eren was really starting to die now. He knew all about sex. Being a teenage boy and sharing the barracks with other teenage boys, he had picked up on plenty to know that he was intrigued by it. And he had known for years now that he wanted to do it with Mikasa.
These past 2 months together though, he found himself thinking about it more often than not. The only thing holding him back then was the fact that he felt it was wrong to Mikasa to take things to the next level with her, without her knowing all the horrible things about him.
But now? Now Mikasa knew everything. And she loved him despite all of it. She loved him… and he loved her. At this point there was nothing holding him back other than making sure she was on the same page he was.
It took everything in him to keep his hands only on her back, neck, and head. He broke free of her lips and began kissing her jawline. The noises she released were like a drug to him.
Desiring to hear more of her moans, he traveled down to her neck, sucking and biting the tender spots and ending at the base of her neck by her collarbone. Then he moved onto her collarbone. They were so pronounced and feminine.
He moved down onto her chest bone, thoroughly enjoying every second and inch of skin he was being rewarded. While kissing her chest bone, he found that his hands had a mind of their own and had traveled from the bottom of her back, around to her stomach. He could feel just how defined, her abs felt. It drove him mad. Along with the noises and movements Mikasa was making at his actions.
From there he didn't know what to do. Every fiber of his being, every part of him wanted to kiss just a little bit lower to taste the top of her breasts. Hands yearning to move just a little higher to feel them in his hands.
They were both still fully clothed, but all the same, the thought was too exciting. Face right by her heart, he could hear it beating loudly indicating she was thinking something similar.
And oh boy was she thinking the same thoughts. In fact she was sure the anticipation was going to kill her as well. Eren broke his face free of her skin, and said in a deep sultry groan.
"Mikasa…"
"Eren please!" She begged, not hiding the desperation in her voice.
Right as Eren was about to act, there was a flash of light, earsplitting thunder, and then they heard a crash.
Lightning had struck just outside the window causing a tree to fall onto their roof, crashing into Eren's room.
Mikasa shrieked and jumped off of him trying to figure out what had happened. Eren tilted his head back and groaned before jumping to his feet.
"Damn it!" He whispered under his breath, walking towards the door.
He looked to Mikasa on the bed, leaving to check out the damage despite wanting to stay and continue what they were doing more than anything.
For just a second she touched her lips and smiled to herself, thinking about what just happened and the way she felt so desirable to the person she desired the most. But then she realized there was work to be done, so she jumped out of bed and ran after Eren.
When she got to Erens room she could see that the tree had broken through the ceiling and was resting on his bed.
"I'm gonna have to use my titan." Eren said "Will you try to get as much out of here as possible before it gets too wet?"
"Yes!" Mikasa replied.
With that, Eren was running outside into the rain. She saw him bite his hand and shielded her eyes from the lightning strike that indicated he had just transformed.
Soon enough his giant titan was lifting the tree from off the house. For some reason, the sight of his titan brought sadness to Mikasa. Maybe because now she knew what it was capable of.
They spent the next hour cleaning up the room. Eren fixed the roof in his titan form and when the work was finally done, Mikasa heard the familiar sound of steam being released and she saw Eren emerging from the neck of his titan.
"Come inside!" She yelled out to him. "You'll catch a cold!"
When he got inside he saw she had taken most of his things out of his room like he asked.
"Hey thanks for doing that." He said, grabbing a towel and drying off his hair.
"Yeah no problem." She replied. "So… I guess this means you'll have to sleep in my bed with me tonight?"
"Guess so." Said Eren matter of factly, "That's not going to be a problem is it?" He asked flirtatiously looking at her.
"Eh. I guess it'll be okay." Mikasa flirted back. Eren chuckled.
"Well should we get ready for bed? It's getting late."
"Yeah sounds good."
They took turns using the bathroom to change into their pjs and brush their teeth.
Mikasa let Eren go first since he was wet from being in the rain.
When Mikasa was all done getting ready for bed, she looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her neck had a large bruise on it. She panicked at first when she saw it, unaware of what it was.
"A hickey?" She thought to herself. She had heard of these at one point in her cadet years and had even seen them on the adult members of the Scouts necks, but she never imagined she'd get one.
She got flash backs of the things they had done and daydreamed about where it almost went… it made her a little nervous about rejoining him and sleeping by him the rest of the night.
After a while, she left the bathroom and entered her bedroom. Eren was already sprawled out in her bed. Seeing him, made all her fears melt away. This wasn't scary. It was Eren! Her Eren.
"It's so comfy in here! I might stay here more often." He said teasingly.
"Hey!" Mikasa flirted back. "Don't act like you own the place. Scoot over."
"Fine, fine." He said opening up his arms so that she could crawl in.
She got the nervous butterflies again but decided to be brave and crawled in.
"But seriously." He said against the top of her head. "I like your bed. It smells like you."
"I hope it's a good smell?"
"Only the best smell in the world." He said back in his animated way. "It's the smell of the woman I love."
He leaned back just a bit so that he could give her one of his traditional forehead kisses. She was beaming.
"I love you too." She said against his neck.
It felt so natural to say to each other. Maybe because they'd been dying to say it for years. They squeezed each other tightly, minimizing and space between them.
Before long, Mikasa began to realize just how tired she was. She hadn't eaten or slept much at all the past week and now that she felt safe here in his arms, exhaustion began to take over.
She told Eren just that and he quickly gave up any hopes of getting back into action without any resentment.
"Oh my goodness! Yes of course, please feel free to sleep Mikasa." He said in hushed exasperation. "Is it okay if I hold you while you do though?"
"Oh yes please do!" She said through heavy eyelids.
"Okay great." He reached over her and turned out their lantern submerging them into darkness.
Mikasa rolled over so that her back was facing the front of him. He snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her into his body so that he was spooning her.
"Goodnight Mikasa." He whispered in her ear.
"'Night Eren." Mikasa said back sleepily. And within seconds she was asleep.
Eren had a harder time sleeping for two reasons. One, because he always had a hard time falling asleep. And two, because he had Mikasa's body pressed against his own.
He allowed himself to day dream about everything that had happened that night, before he finally realized how tired he also was.
Yes, he had taken a long nap earlier in the day, but his body had also healed his broken bones, and he had used his titan all in one day.
And there was the fact that he was finally coming down from the euphoria of being intimate with Mikasa.
Soon he felt sleep taking him over as well and unlike other nights, he stayed asleep this night.
It was the best nights rest he had gotten since before the first titans came through the broken wall when he was a kid.