CHAPTER 64: IF THIS WON'T TEAR US APART...

hrouded in a deep, deep fog, the days and nights passed on.

Natsu couldn't remember much of what happened after defeating Rahgot. He recalled the last glimpse of the sunset – a faint, surreal thing, as if seeing the sunset with Lucy had been too good to be true – then it had been perfectly dark. Later, Gildarts filled the gaps in his memory, but like carried water didn't stay in the well, the knowledge didn't remain long in Natsu's mind. Perhaps it was for the best.

Though the battle had taken an immeasurable toll on all of them, staying in the monastery would not have been safe. Gajeel, the only one of them who'd been conscious at that point, had realised that the inner sanctum was on the verge of collapsing. In the darkness of the night, he had dragged the unconscious mages to the shelter of the Word Wall in the courtyard, summoned a ward to protect them from the howling winds, and then he had left.

The vampire had written a note for them, explaining that he'd go ahead to Riften in hopes of reaching the city before the sunset – after everything he had survived, getting evaporated by the first light would mock Molag Bal himself. When Gildarts had been the first of them to wake up and find Gajeel's letter, he had understood his absence very well.

How they had gotten down from the mountain, Natsu couldn't remember at all. Gildarts didn't tell him. As the master of Alteration, Gildarts's magicka had regenerated quickly, so he had managed to summon his magical limbs again. He must've carried the two unconscious mages back to the horse that had loyally been waiting for them by the stream, amidst the depths of a forest.

Then, there were fragments of memories. Gildarts had dipped him and Lucy into the frigid stream to wash away all the blood, dried them in a cloak of gentle flame and healed their most urgent wounds, then wrapped them into many fur blankets on the carriage's floor. Natsu had soon drifted back into a dark, dreamless sleep, where even nausea couldn't reach him. He'd just received the beating of his life, after all, but by Lucy's side, he could finally find the long-awaited rest.

And for long he slept, indeed.

It was somewhere near the 20th of Sun's Dusk when they reached Riften. At night, Gajeel had been there waiting for them at the wastewater gate with a full basket. There'd been bread, cheese, apples, potions and water, a few warm blankets and change clothes, all gifted by Juvia, who had seen their return in a dream. Natsu regretted not being awake to thank her, but he had hoped he'd get a chance to give his acknowledgements in the future, if they'd ever meet again.

After the brief stop, the cart hit the road towards Ivarstead, without their vampiric companion. Natsu regretted not saying goodbye to Gajeel as well. Later, when Gildarts told about his departure, he said that Gajeel would have wanted to come with them, but he had to stay with Juvia and the orphans. There had been difficulties with the refugee camps that required some vampiric manipulation to be resolved. Still, the silence had been much louder since he left.

Natsu knew not how many days they had ridden since leaving Riften. For most of the short moments he'd been awake, he had laid on the cart's floor by Lucy's side, unmoving and buried under the many blankets, still feeling a deathly cold creeping up to his bones. The chill seemed to originate from Lucy's body, for the warmth she had once resonated was now gone. Whenever it came time to let the horse rest, Gildarts offered them food and drink, but Natsu could only manage to eat little bits. Lucy on the other hand hadn't eaten anything. She hadn't spoken a word either, she hadn't moved an inch, she'd just slept.

But when she finally opened her icy blue eyes in the inn of Ivarstead, that was the first thing Natsu could clearly recall.

It might've been the 23rd or 24th day of Sun's Dusk when they arrived in Ivarstead. By then, Natsu had regained enough strength to walk and speak, but everything felt foggy, like the world was spinning before his eyes. He had picked Lucy into his arms, terrified by how light she had gotten, and carried her to the inn with Gildarts. The old mage had rented rooms for two nights so they could fully focus on their recovery before setting forth towards Sky Haven Temple. When Natsu had placed Lucy in the bed in their chamber, he realised that an inn wouldn't do much to heal her.

And he had been right.

It had been around their arrival when Lucy was briefly awake for the first time since leaving Forelhost. Natsu had frozen completely at the sight. Faint sunlight had flooded in from the dusty windows, falling so softly on Lucy's face, pale and bruised. Had it been the sun, which had hidden in the clouds for so many weeks, that finally woke her up? The only thing Natsu knew for sure was that something about her just wasn't right, and he didn't know if it would ever be again.

With those blue serpent's eyes, Lucy had stared right through him. Her expression remained blank and bleak as stone, not reacting to Natsu calling her name or waving his hand in front of her. Natsu seated on the bed's edge, gently placing his fingers atop hers, shuddering at the frigid coldness on her skin. Caressing her cheek, he tried to think what to do – if it was Krosulhah taking over her mind again, it wouldn't do her any good.

And so, Natsu had called for Gildarts's help.

Gildarts had been sitting at the tavern's side, drinking mead and trying to fry some information about the dragons. People of Ivarstead were terrified of another dragon attack, but apparently, not much had been heard of dragons since Riften's destruction. All chatter had halted when Natsu barged from the bedchamber on the verge of panic. He had caught Gildarts from the table and dragged him to see Lucy – as a master of magic, there had to be some damned spell he could do to break her free from the dragon's hold.

But even Gildarts had fallen into the loss of words.

They had stood there by Lucy's bedside for a moment, in perfect silence, until the sun hid back to the clouds and the chamber fell dark again. Gildarts lit the candles on the night table, examined Lucy with a couple of spells, and then spread his hands in irresolution. Lucy was awake, but unable to interact with the world around her. Gildarts had heard of people falling into a vegetative state after a devastating injury, and those often died within days or weeks, but 'gladly' Lucy didn't seem to be like that. Her body was already healed, but her mental recovery was far from complete.

When Gildarts had told him that it was the issue of Lucy's mind, a result of the Order's attempts to shatter her psyche, Natsu had wanted to scream. He'd wanted to punch the old mage, yell at him, force him to figure out something before they'd lose her, but he had just stayed there still, fear overcoming his mind like a shadow. It squeezed his chest into a tight miserable knot, as the agony seemed to surface deep within him, from memories that had hurt so much he'd buried them into his heart, far out of his reach.

Having noticed the young mage's anguish, Gildarts had then suggested that maybe Natsu should bathe her – and for once, there weren't any perverted undertones in his suggestions – if that could help her break free from the catatonic state. Perhaps he'd said so just to give Natsu something concrete to do, something to think about, but it made sense. Lucy had loved bathing, and there wasn't really anything they could lose. All small things had to be given a chance.

A bit hesitantly, Natsu did as Gildarts told, after the old mage had gone back to the tavern to keep drinking. Natsu wrapped Lucy into a blanket and carried her to the sauna by the river, filled the bath and washed her in hot water with lavender soap, but when she still didn't seem to respond, Natsu soon realised he was crying. He held Lucy's head above the water, gazing at the sharp bones that had started to show on her once round cheeks, and cried.

He knew painfully well what starving to death looked like.

In the warmth of the water, Lucy had closed her eyes again, falling back to peaceful sleep. Natsu forced himself to take that as an improvement, as a response – at least on some level, she had been able to calm down, but it did very little to ease Natsu's pain. Through the tears, he kept speaking to her softly, telling her all the things they did and things yet to come, how they were supposed to return home at the College once all this would be done with. But when the water had gone cold, Natsu couldn't talk from his sobbing.

Natsu had then lifted her from the bath, dried her in a linen towel, and done what he could to the bruises that remained from the dreadful wounds. His magicka felt still depleted, but with his best healing spells, he faded some of the scars, hoping to at least ease her pain. It still astonished him how well she had recovered after the cult's torture, but he knew the energy to heal had to come from somewhere. And as she couldn't eat, her body ate up itself, eventually turning the recuperation into her demise if she wouldn't wake up soon.

And there wasn't anything they could do about it.

That night, after dressing her warmly and bringing her back to the inn, he had slowly realised, remembered, how it all was as it had been with his mother. Would he have to watch Lucy fade away too? Would he have to spoon-feed honeyed milk to her just to prolong her hollow life and inevitable death? Would he have to hold her hand as she'd take her last breath, would he have to dig her grave in the dead of the night, and carry her feather-light remains into it? Would he have to cover her into the earth and watch her disappear one last time, just like he had done with mom?

Within the two days they stayed in the inn, Lucy's condition did not improve. Natsu's did, thanks to Gildarts's potions and spells. He no longer needed to sleep from dusk to dusk, but without the anaesthesia of sleep, he was in constant pain. The open wounds had been healed with sorcery, but the bruises remained, the broken bones still stung like pikes. Especially his ribs felt like knives struck into his back. As he had known before, some wounds never really healed, and these were certainly one of that kind.

But at the same time as his body healed, his worry began to grow into unmanageable measures. The frigid, hollow pain was still there, always lingering in the depths of his bones. And as time passed, he realised it was the weight of sorrow that kept crushing him, grinding his soul to dust.

Whenever he left his chamber to pick some food or drink, he was always greeted as the hero who saved the village from the ferocious frost troll. Natsu struggled to find any reply. He'd just stared at them blankly, perhaps nodded, then withdrawn back to the chamber with his meal. The only thing that lightened his spirits was hearing that Romeo, the orphaned child, had been adopted by his uncle's family in Shor's Stone. Hopefully, he could find some happiness there, considering that the world wouldn't end soon.

With heavy stones on his stomach, Natsu had spent the rest of the days sitting by the bedside, holding a glass of cranberry juice in his hands. Whenever Lucy had been awake, even just briefly, he had fed her spoonfuls of the juice, and upon a reflex, she had swallowed. She never looked into him, never spoke to him, just stared right into the Void, making Natsu wonder if she could see the void that had grown onto his soul.

But during the last night at Vilemyr Inn, the Void was shattered for a moment.

Natsu had laid half-asleep on Lucy's side, when he suddenly heard her voice through the nightmares – whenever Natsu slept, he could still feel Rahgot's hands wrapped tight around his throat. He had sprung up and gazed at her face, at the blue serpent's eyes that stared into nothingness, and then she had spoken again. "Mom," she had whispered in a childish high voice, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Mom, mom, where are you? I can't see you anymore. Don't leave me here, mom. Please."

Natsu had held her, whispered to her that he's there, and that everything is alright. It had been a lie, for nothing was alright, and she seemed to have known it. She had grown silent as she kept trembling and drifted to sleep again, but anguish had kept Natsu awake, as he realised one dreadful thing.

What if killing Rahgot wasn't enough to lift the curse? Natsu thought all alone. Will she really turn into the Konahrik, as Rahgot swore? Is it really inevitable, or will her body wither before it happens?

But through all the darkness that seeped into his mind, he tried to hold onto the hope. The lightning wouldn't hit the same tree twice, or so he wanted to believe. Sooner or later, Lucy would wake up, she'd heal, and maybe, she'd one day smile again. He had promised to give her happiness. What kind of a man would he be if he couldn't fulfil that promise? Maybe she'd be better off if he had died instead of Loke, but as his thoughts circled towards self-hatred once again, he tried to remind himself of the things she had said, things she had done. She would never think of him that way, or wish for him to think that about himself.

But then, he remembered the dream he once had about her, the dream that had felt so real it might've been a prophecy.

The night he had been cured from vampirism, long ago, he had found her amidst the gloom of his dreams. She had manifested in a form of blinding bright light, clad in a yellow dress that swayed in the wind. That, too, had been a memory, of when he had seen her for the first time, standing on the porch of her home, gazing at the wagons of prisoners that passed by. There had been confusion and wonder in her eyes, but above all, there had been happiness – she had not yet seen the death and destruction that were yet to come. Natsu had been just a stranger who'd take her on an adventure she had waited for so long, but that path had led her into darkness.

After all, he had promised to keep her safe – how would've she known he'd take her to the deepest night? To this? As Natsu had watched her now, lying in the bed, barely breathing as she kept staring right through him, ignoring his failed attempts to awaken her, he couldn't help but blame himself for this. He could almost hear his brother's voice in his head, just like he had spoken to him back then."You killed her. She trusted in you, but you killed her."

In that dream, her touch had filled him with life, brought stars back to the skies – now they all had dimmed out. Perhaps it had truly been a prophecy. If he just hadn't let her go in Bee and Barb, maybe they would've stayed together in the chaos of the dragon attack. Maybe the Order wouldn't have captured her, maybe she would've been saved from all this fucking pain if he had just trusted his fucking gut, but he didn't. He never did.

Maybe, if the headsman had chopped off my head in Helgen, she would've been spared from all of this. I wouldn't have been alive to save her. She would've died with her family, so fast and painless she wouldn't have even realised it.

I did this to her, after all. I killed her.

Gods, I wish I'd died before Igneel as I was fucking meant to.

He had stayed awake by her side and stroked her hair until it was dawn, and Gildarts called it was time to set forth towards Falkreath. Gildarts had asked if he was alright, and Natsu had said yes. He never spoke a word about how deep into dark waters his mind had plunged that night. He knew Gildarts wouldn't get it. Of all the people in the world, perhaps his brother would be the only one who would ever understand.

Maybe he was truly following his brother's footsteps, after all.

On their way from Ivarstead to Falkreath, Lucy finally seemed to stir awake from her frozen state.

Whenever they stopped to camp, she could now sit on her own and support her weight, even walk a few steps when Natsu showed the way. With careful hopefulness, Natsu had tried to discuss with her about simple matters – like the cloudy weather or the taste of bread – and she didn't answer, but seemed to listen. Her eyes were still blue, and what she saw in those flames, Natsu wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

When Gildarts tried to converse about something with Natsu, he met almost the same response. There were some details about Forelhost that needed to be looked into, yet Natsu didn't want to hear anything about it, so he always cut him off. Whatever was this thing about the dragonfire within him, Natsu couldn't sacrifice a single thought for it until Lucy would be better. Eventually, Gildarts stopped bothering him about it.

And so, none of them said a word to each other as they travelled through the snowy mountain pass, fortunate enough to not encounter a horde of frost trolls or wolves. A haunting silence lingered all over the atmosphere – even the birds were quiet, as if waiting for the doom to fall over them, as if the whole world was holding its breath.

The silence wasn't broken until the 28th of Sun's Dusk, when they reached Helgen's hallowed grounds.

That night, the quiet company had camped right where the mountain pass ended on Falkreath's side. Somewhere near was the same place Natsu, Lucy, and Erza had camped right at the beginning of their journey – reminiscing it now felt so distant to the fire mage that it could've happened in some other life. So much had changed in the passing of a season. So much he had lost.

In the shelter of the snowy pines, Gildarts had halted the carriage and let the horse roam free of its burden for the night. The loyal steed headed to the stream to drink its fill while Natsu set up a roaring campfire in the blasted cold. He was surprised they hadn't frozen to death yet, but apparently, the many layers of wool and leather Gajeel had gifted to them proved crucial for their survival. How Natsu wished that the vampire could've come with them, even if that would've meant they'd only be able to travel at night. Gajeel's constant jests would have made it easier to bear. Damn it, I'd prefer the vampire's singing over this gods-forsaken fucking silence.

It had been eight days since they left Forelhost, but Natsu was still in so much pain. He tried to eat the snowberries he'd found earlier, cringing at the taste. Travelling in the back of the cart felt worse each day, but he'd slept through most of it, only to awaken feeling weaker than before. Every movement hurt as if a blade had stabbed into his ribs. Natsu didn't even dare to think about laughing – well, at least there wasn't anything to laugh about.

"We'll probably reach Helgen tomorrow," Gildarts said when he returned from the forest with the horse. He tied it to the nearest tree and sat down by the fire. "Depending on the weather, I think we should stay in the keep for a night. It's ruined, but some parts of it were preserved surprisingly well."

Natsu moved his gaze from the flames to the old man. The mood between him and Gildarts had felt tight these last days, as if they were both on the edge of their nerves. "Helgen?" he wondered. "Are you sure we should take her there? We could go through Riverwood instead."

"The road to Falkreath and there towards Markarth goes directly through Helgen. It's a long way, and we shouldn't make any unnecessary delays."

Natsu glanced at Lucy, who was sitting right next to him, and fell silent for a while. She no longer slept from dawn to dusk and dawn again, but despite being awake more often, she still couldn't communicate with him in any way. Sometimes, Natsu had awakened to her muttering something incomprehensible in her dreams. She'd sounded so afraid, but all his efforts to comfort her turned out so shallow.

"Just what's the point anymore?" Natsu said quietly, turning back to Gildarts. "She'll probably just drop dead before we pass the Karth river."

Gildarts chuckled sadly. "She's strong. She just needs time. In just a few days, she's already improved a lot. She's sitting up, she's –"

"Improved? She's still not eating," Natsu muttered. It felt so wrong to talk about her as if he was gossiping behind her back – she was right there, but didn't seem to hear them anyway. "She's not drinking either. She's fucking shrinking right before my eyes. And trust me, I know where it leads. We'll lose her before we make it to that gods-forsaken temple." His voice began to tremble, and he bit his lip to keep himself from bursting into tears. "There are healers in the temple of Kynareth in Whiterun, right? We should take her there first, see what they could do."

Gildarts glanced at the younger mage from below his brows, a hint of empathy flickering on his face. "Natsu, I don't think this is something that the healers of Kynareth can resolve. I don't know what could help her if she won't talk and tell us what's wrong."

"Does it look like she's going to talk?" Natsu scoffed, and shot his fierce eyes at Gildarts. "She's lost somewhere, and cannot reach out to us. If someone could just find the plane she's lost in and –"

"As long as she's breathing, there's hope we get her back. She's trying her best to survive and find her way back to the world. Meanwhile, we'll secure her safety and well-being the best we can. Keep feeding her that honeyed milk. It will keep her alive longer than you –"

"I know," Natsu interrupted harshly, his voice simmering with frustration. "I fucking know, it's just –"

"It's hard for you to watch, I get it. Sooner or later, she'll wake up. Perhaps bringing her back to Helgen could somehow… stir her awake from this state."

Natsu glanced at Lucy again. A frigid gust blew from the mountains, swaying her hair, turning her cheeks bright red. The faint shivering was her only reaction to the cold. Since she unleashed Krosulhah's power in Riften, her body hadn't been warm, as if the ice would be all she'd ever known.

"I really, really hate this idea," Natsu said with deep resentment building up in his guts. As he looked at her now, he could imagine vividly what seeing Helgen would do to her – she'd shatter just like thin ice, into million tiny shards. "Helgen's destruction was one of the worst days in her life. It won't help to relive it."

"She probably wouldn't even realise we are there," Gildarts answered, offered them some bread, but Natsu refused. "But if she will, returning to the place of such an important event causes major reactions in one's mind. That could be exactly what we need to bring her back. Sometimes, the bone needs to be broken before it can mend properly."

"She's been broken enough. We don't have to be the ones who keep breaking her."

"Remember what you told me? She's stronger than you'll ever know. Don't forget that."

Natsu turned from Gildarts to Lucy, and flinched violently as he noticed Lucy had moved her hollow gaze from the fire to him. For a moment, she stared right into his eyes, actually seeing him, and Natsu knew she was screaming for help without letting out a single sound. Natsu inched closer to her, wrapped his arm around her and pulled her to his chest.

Neither of them said a word after that.

Soon, they built a camp around the fire. Natsu summoned the tent while Gildarts built a bed for himself in the cart. The nights were becoming freezing cold at this time of the year, and in the middle of the night, a wild snowstorm had buried the grounds in another thick layer of snow. Natsu had slept with Lucy pulled close to him but still shivered from the cold underneath layers of fur, dreaming of the warmth she used to have.

And at dawn, he found her gone.

When he had woken up alone, terror had fervently built up in his chest. He had sprung up from the bedroll and fur blankets and burst out of the tent, but even though he found Lucy immediately, the fear didn't subside.

Lucy had been sitting in front of the dead fire, completely unbothered by the cold. Carefully, Natsu had waded through the snow and seated next to her. And to his utmost surprise, Lucy had turned her head towards him, and spoken for the first time in days.

"Mom and dad must've missed me terribly," she had said, her voice dry and rough. "I've been gone for so long they must think I'm dead. I didn't even send them a letter."

Utterly confused, Natsu stared at her, unable to say anything.

"Loke and Haming too. I didn't even tell them goodbye. We left so quickly, didn't we?" Lucy asked. "When you came and took me on an adventure. It has been fun, but to be honest, I'm glad to go home again. Should we stay there for a while before heading back to the College? I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind. I'd finally get to introduce you to them properly."

"Lucy," Natsu whispered, faltering. "Do you… do you remember what happened?"

"Yes, of course. You were travelling past our city, and I asked if you could take me to the College of Winterhold. I had always wanted to be a mage. And I'm so happy that you took me there, even though we had to leave in secret."

"No, Lucy. That… didn't happen. We left because a dragon attacked Helgen, and –"

Lucy laughed. Natsu flinched at the sound of it – though she smiled, it looked different, her laughter sounding like a faded, distorted echo of some other person. "A dragon? There haven't been dragons in Skyrim for centuries. What are you talking about?"

"No, it's…" Natsu muttered, but then realised he didn't know what to tell her. Had she really forgotten everything? Just how much had her mind fragmented if she couldn't remember the dragons? Or being the Dragonborn? Gods, would she lose it if he'd tell her everything? "There are dragons now. They have returned."

"Cannot be. You must've had a nightmare."

Gods fucking damn it.

Though the blue had dissolved from her eyes, her gaze was still cloudy, unfocused, like she was drunk without drinking anything. Anguish gripped Natsu's heart. All joy from finding her awake and speaking disappeared that very moment. If she couldn't remember the dragons… would she remember him?

"Do you… do you know who I am?" he asked faintly.

"Of course. You're…" she started, but then seemed frightened for a moment, as if she realised she couldn't recall his name. Then, the fear snapped out. "You're Natsu. Silly. Why are you asking?"

Good, at least she remembers me.

"Do you know which day it is?" Natsu asked then.

She remained silent.

"Or which month?"

Lucy gazed around her, and realised she was sitting in a pile of snow. "It's… winter. Strange. Snows seem to have come early this year."

In the back of the cart, Gildarts was stirred awake by their chatter. The old mage sat up and climbed out, his ethereal limbs gleaming in the faint morning light. Lucy flinched at the sight, letting out a frightened shriek.

"Who are you!?" she asked, teeth clattering.

Gildarts pinched his brows as he walked to them. "Good, you're finally awake," he said and lit the campfire. "You seem to have forgotten quite a lot, haven't you, princess?"

"No," Lucy answered, fiercely shaking her head. "I can remember everything –"

"Well, considering what happened to you, it's expected that you cannot organize the events properly," Gildarts told, earning a glare from the fire mage. Just shut up, gods damn it. "That's the way the human mind works. Whenever something is too unpleasant and traumatic for us to entertain, we reject it. We erase it from our memory, but the imprint is always there."

Lucy glanced at Natsu, fear filling her eyes, as if she was begging him to tell that old man to stop lying. Natsu exchanged a gaze with Gildarts, hoping he could understand that telling the truth could wait a moment. Pouring it all on her could just cause her to relapse once again, and –

"It's 29th day of Sun's Dusk. Helgen got burned to the ground over three months ago when the World-Eater Alduin returned. Your parents were killed in the fire. This mage saved you, and –"

"No. They're alive. I would know if they were dead. Someone would've sent a letter after me. Loke knew them, he would've –"

"Loke is also dead. Haming, too."

"Don't say that!"

"Gildarts, stop it," Natsu growled at him.

"Someone's gotta tell her the truth, or she'll break down when she discovers it out herself."

Lucy chuckled then, all emotion that had been gathering in her suddenly dissolving back to the Void. "Oh, I get it now. This is just a nightmare." She pinched the back of her hand. "Yes, it doesn't hurt. I'm sleeping, but I'll soon wake from this," she said, glancing at Natsu. "Will you be there when I wake up? Please say you will." Lucy smiled sadly. "It would break me if all of this would've been just a dream."

As she closed her eyes and began to sway, Natsu caught her into his arms. "Yeah, I'll be there for you. Don't worry. Everything's gonna be alright," he muttered, caressing her hair as she drifted back to sleep. Trembling from shock and confusion, Natsu held her in his arms, and lifted his gaze to Gildarts. "Gods," he sighed. "This… this is bad."

Gildarts gave him an understanding, sad smile. "She just woke up from days of stasis. It's normal for her to confuse things at first, but she could remember you. That means she hasn't lost her memory completely. She's probably been dreaming of her past life since we left Forelhost. She escaped to the memories so her mind wouldn't shatter completely."

Natsu shook his head. "Still, it's…" he started, but words vanished on his tongue. He gazed down at Lucy's sleeping face, sadness filling his heart. "What if she actually doesn't remember anything?"

"The next days will tell that. But good thing is that she's speaking and responding to us. Next time she wakes up, better make sure she has something to eat and drink." Gildarts glanced to the horizon. "We'll keep going soon. We'll reach Helgen by nightfall."

Though Natsu knew Gildarts could be right, something made him doubt his words. Fears screamed within him as he attempted to process whatever madness had just occurred. Just what if, what if Lucy had truly forgotten everything? Natsu didn't know how he could cope with that. If Lucy really thought her parents still lived and dragons didn't exist… things could get so ugly when she'd learn the truth. A part of him wanted to protect her from it, but the other part knew Gildarts was right. The sooner she'd get a grip on reality, the better.

But he had no idea how ugly it would actually get.

a/n: Hi guys! I tried some different storytelling and pacing methods in this chapter, I hope it wasn't total chaos. Mostly, I wanted to dive into Natsu's headspace during this post-Forelhost while also moving the story delicately forward. The show must go on, even though they are in pieces. This chapter was also supposed to have one more scene, but I decided to make it its own chapter to give it all the spotlight it deserves. Though everything seems dark at the moment, each storm cloud has a silver lining!

Also, in this chapter, I reflected to many many things in the past chapters. Mostly, this reflects ch42, "The Breach", where Natsu tells Lucy about Jellal blackmailing him and threaning them with the dragon cult. I want to emphasise how strong the bond between them is, so here's a little reminder snippet from ch42, that sets the theme for these following chapters:

"Natsu tried to say something, probably to ask her not to cry, but she just shook her head and pulled him back to an embrace, infinitely grateful for his mere existence. She wanted to thank him, but no words came out of her mouth, so she just held him in silence as they both cried. But there was no weakness in that, only strength of a bond that couldn't be broken by dragons, cultists, or assassins.

If this hadn't torn them apart, then nothing ever would."

Next Up: ... then nothing ever will.