Lexi Wekeo

I've been in the hospital so long. Having lost the guidance of a plot to know what is expected of me sometimes days repeat and I have no clue what I'm doing wrong.

The day I woke and was startled into a panic by Edward, repeated until I got Charlie to go talk with my rogue vampire. You would think my fear wouldn't have repeated a dozen times in a row but it certainly did. It was intense and all consuming every time. The utter terror on Edward's face when I'd scream and freak out certainly didn't help me calm down.

I'm glad the powers that be let me retry that day until I could make things right.

I'm guessing the baseball trio of Victoria, Laurent and James won't be coming as enough time has passed that they are probably gone. Hallelujah! Port Angeles was plenty of nightmare fuel. I'm fueled up.

The next day repeated again,... and again and again. There's very little I have control of lying in this bed awake for snippets of the day. I'm never getting out of the hospital at this rate. I didn't even know I needed to ask questions. Apparently, no one is allowed to talk to me about anything potentially stressful so I didn't know Charlie arrested the Creep or about the second coming also known as reporters. The vampire family was under threat. It took a long while before I was able to get it out of them. I wondered why Alice was visiting me as well as Edward. She still barely knew me.

(Me pushing and pushing for answers as to what was going on did cause respiratory incidents, at least one of which restarted a day so apparently yes I was that fragile and Carlisle instructions not to stress me were not uncalled for. I'm not trying to kill myself it just keeps happening.)

Alice is nice. I had fun making sock puppets with her or rather her making sock puppets while I encouraged it. I think the day advanced when I finally convinced someone to get the family to safety for a while. I certainly didn't convince Edward so I must have convinced Alice.

All of them but Doctor Cullen who couldn't get the time off work, are going to spend two weeks up in Alaska. Sometime while I was sleeping last night some vampire left me an outrageous, obviously homemade, felt, avocado coloured Christmas stocking covered in red polka dots with my name on the top covered in glitter. It was attached to my medical monitor. It was filled with beautifully hand knitted woollen socks. They weren't the scratchy type of wool either. A note from "Mrs. Esme Cullen-Claus" explained that they were made from merino wool so they can be machine washed so Papa Swan who knew no better than to give his little girl athletic socks would be able to manage them.

I'm so proud of myself. I'm teaching vampires to sass me. If I had to guess I'd say Edward made the Christmas stocking and Alice and Esme knitted the socks. I think Doctor Cullen hung the stocking. He's got glitter on his lab coat. It's not the kind of sparkly vampire action you'd expect out of Twilight but I'll take it.

There's a certain irony to today. Edward had to leave just as I was moved to the step down unit. Is that ironic? I'm allowed visitors right when all my visitors leave? I'm still not sure how to use that word.

I think poor Doctor Cullen is missing his family. He actually came to visit me after he was done with his shift.

We talked for a while.

"Bella, how did you and Edward end up close? Was it just that he kept saving you?"

We had this conversation a few retake days in a row before I was able to answer him in a way the powers that be would allow. I had a long time to think about my answers.

"Mothers tell their children to think before they speak. It's part of how to be kind to others. Maybe Edward needs kindness?"

"His gift is a blessing and a burden. I think you connect in other ways too though."

"I'm silly and he's serious. He's a romantic and I'm Captain oblivious. We're different in a lot of ways. I mean in some ways we're the same. When I confuse him he starts insulting me. When he's annoying me I start getting sassy and sarcastic with him. Hopefully we'll learn to really talk instead of whatever we're doing now."

"You both love music," offered Doctor Cullen.

"I leak music in his general direction. I don't know how he feels about that."

"What in the world do you mean you leak music?"

"Well, on any given day Edward asks me four, five times when I'm being quiet, 'What are you thinking?'"

Dr. Cullen smiled at that. "That sounds about right," he laughed a little. "It's a huge part of how he sees the world. I imagine it's quite the adjustment for him."

"Most of those times all that is going through my head is music. Music that feels what I'm feeling or with lyrics that are helping me interpret life, the universe and everything or just songs that are stuck in my brain because I was listening to them recently or some little thing has triggered them in my memory. If he could hear my thoughts, I think he'd mistake me for a radio station; or a Disney princess. One or the other. Head full of music, all the livelong day."

"All day long? What song is playing now?"

"Ooh eeh Ooh Ah Aah Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing bang… It's from 'Alvin and the Chipmunks.'"

"The Witch Doctor, Bella?"

"Oh wow Dr. Cullen, that was an awesome Edward impression. I get that exact tone from him all the time. Apparently he gets his incredulous exasperation from you," I teased with a grin.

"The lab coat is off. Call me Carlisle."

Carlisle was wired in permanent Dad mode. With all of his technically grown up kids away and no doubt having been asked by some vampire to keep an eye on me, all that Dad energy had to go somewhere. With Charlie very busy with police business related to the Creep which was the biggest arrest in the history of the Forks police department, Carlisle made sure that parental support role had someone there to keep the house from burning down.

He helped me with my homework. He brought me one of Emmett's old handheld gaming consoles to keep me entertained. He brought me homemade fruit salad when I was finally eating solid foods again and happily sang the ridiculous "Fruit Salad" song with me. I was a big Wiggles fan when I was younger. He grinned like a goofball the whole time.

The day I transferred to general care from the step down unit, I spent half the day being questioned by the FBI. The day ran a few times. Who or whatever runs the repeats was protecting the vampires I think. I was certainly trying to protect the vampires from becoming involved in any way.

Dr. Carlisle supposedly had "minor dental surgery" that day so he was only doing paperwork instead of working the ER or checking in on me or so I was told. I expect the truth translated to "vampire was scheming to allow himself to fully focus on listening in on the police questioning." The whole day stressed Carlisle out worrying for his family, for me. Charlie wasn't allowed in the room during the questioning. Charlie was stressed out.

I was going to have to testify. The original Bella was more vampire than human. All of her villains met vigilante justice. I ended the day bawling my eyes out into two different sets of hugs: warm hugs and cold hugs, every time the day repeated. I honestly think Carlisle was waiting in the wings for my dad to leave for dinner because the rather sensitive vampire needed to hug me for his own sake. I am so done crying and after I woke up screaming from nightmares for the second time in a row. Carlisle put something into my IV. Charlie, still in police uniform, slept in the recliner in my room. I guess I have dads now. At least Renee hasn't called in a while. That would feel like being baby-squashed instead of babysat.

The next day Edward called and fussed at me moments after I woke up. Alice must have provided the appropriate timing as I didn't wake up until nearly eleven. Normally the nurse wakes me for breakfast which has something to do with regular meals post feeding tube being an important recovery step. The nurses had let me sleep in, doctor's orders.

After Edward fussed, Esme fussed, after Esme fussed, Alice tried to cheer up. I mentioned that Carlisle had loaned me Emmett's old gaming console and Emmett spent an hour telling me the best games that I absolutely had to try. It was all a little overwhelming but it was a nicer day than the day before.

The very long phone call happened on Carlisle's phone. I hope they have unlimited minutes or the phone bill will be outrageous. I killed his phone battery. The afternoon was spent with the bane of my existence otherwise known as my respiratory therapist.

The next day was shower day. Glorious. Fully clean at last. Nuff said. Somebody must have been peeking into my future as a gift basket of bath things arrived just in time. Now that the vampires had figured out I was in a general room and I was allowed calls they abused Carlisle's phone horrendously. You can probably guess what happened the next day.

Carlisle gave me one of the family's old phones. The dad squad conspired. Charlie bought me a plan with 200 minutes of local calls. Carlisle added on a prepaid year of the five favourites plan so half his family and my parents could call me for free.

I was released from the hospital way earlier than Carlisle had originally estimated I would be.

The vampires weren't due back for several days still. Charlie couldn't exactly stay home with me but he and Carlisle were still conspiring. They shuffled their schedules around. Carlisle was happy to help in the afternoon on this day then when his shifts rotated to nightshift it was no problem to stay with me for a few hours in the days. Charlie called in some other friends too.

I was so excited for my first stretch of alone time in the house. I started teaching myself "At last," by Etta James. That love song was one hundred percent directed at my violin. I was only alone for fifteen minutes. Phooey!

That first day everyone came to visit. It was a revolving door of people. Sue Clearwater, who was apparently a nurse, and her daughter Leah visited and went over my medical stuff. They'd both be coming regularly. Jacob Black came by. He was going to be regularly helping too. His dad sent fish. Jess and Ange visited with some flowers, and a get well card signed by most of the juniors. There were too many visitors. It was utterly exhausting.

That first day home nearly over I was all alone in my house with just Carlisle and I knew it was safe to talk without revealing secrets to passing nurses. I think I let my guard down too much or maybe Lexi sass unfiltered had been on vacation too long. I asked some of the questions that had been bothering me for a while figuring if the universe didn't want me nosing around, the day would reset. It was inappropriate and rude but I was so burned out by that point in the day that I guess I didn't really have a filter left.

"Carlisle, why do Rosalie and Jasper go to school? They're absolutely miserable there and neither of them look young enough that they really look like they belong. Jasper looks as if he's physically in pain most of the time. Rosalie looks like she's in her mid-twenties and so does Jasper actually. It's a mix of their looks and how they carry themselves. Emmett looks about twenty but he at least acts like a believable teen and doesn't seem miserable."

"Does he really look like he's in pain?" Carlisle asked caught off guard.

"Absolutely. My first day at school Jessica was talking about your family and to point out who Jasper was she actually described him as the one who looks like he's in pain."

I pulled out my cell phone and dialled Alice. As I expected would happen, Alice had Jasper answer.

"Hi Jasper, really important question. I've got your dad here and I'm going to give him the phone then go hide in the other room for a while, while you talk. Please, please tell him how it makes you feel being in a high school. I was explaining to him that most of the time it looks like you're in pain. I don't think high school is good for you." I passed Carlisle the phone and wandered off for a cup of tea. I had a massive headache. I put my head down on the kitchen table when I finally wandered back into the living room, Carlisle was holding the phone standing vampire still and looking pensive.

"So why do they go to school?" I prompted grumpily.

"The younger we pretend to be the longer we can stay in one place," he answered automatically.

"So you get to spend the years doing what you love but they have to be tortured? That's not fair. Is it really living if they can't find fulfilment? Have you thought of extending your age with makeup and maybe a little grey hair tinting instead of pretending to be younger? Someone would need to get really, really good with the absolute latest and best of makeup but I bet Rosalie would do it if it meant she didn't have to hang out with teenage girls anymore. She'd need to get Hollywood good at it." I hit redial and asked for Rosalie.

"Hi Rosalie, it's Bella. Carlisle wants to talk to you. I was suggesting to him that there was a project that might help your family. I was explaining that I don't often see you smile in the high school and thought you might prefer to have a job instead but first there is kind of an awful job someone would need to take on for a few years and I thought maybe you'd consider falling on that sword and here I'll give him the phone and let him explain what we were talking about and " yes this was the point at which I realised how intrusive and rude I was being. "and I'll stop being a busybody."

I took off to work on my homework but I was out of steam for the day and had a nap that was interrupted only by dinner, tooth brushing, and a "G'night Charlie." I wonder if while I was sleeping and the dad squad switched places, they talked about me behaving disappointingly.

When I woke up the cell phone was plugged in beside my bed. Now that it was morning I looked back on yesterday and was horribly embarrassed. I grabbed a juice and a banana, mumbled a "G'morn'n," to Charlie and went to hide in my closet and hopefully die of mortification.

"Bells?" Charlie came to check on me before heading off to work. "What are you doing curled up on the floor of the closet?"

"Hiding from the world. I was horrible to Edward's Dad yesterday. There were so many people coming and going from the house. There were reporters on the lawn half the time. I was excited to be home but I really overdid it and I just started asking all these rude nosey questions about his family. I wonder if I wasn't trying to chase him away or maybe I wanted somebody else to be answering questions for once. I was awful. This is my hole. I live here now." I closed the closet door.

"Well, I have to go and he just got here so why don't you come apologise?"

Oh good grief, Carlisle was here. He would have heard everything. I want to die. "Bella is not here. Leave your message at the tone. Beep."

"Okay well, talk to him a little later after you've had a chance to gather your thoughts. You'll feel better."

I grunted in Charlie's general direction. He underestimated me. I could hide in the closet forever.

I actually fell back asleep in the closet. While I was sleeping, somebody… prolly a vampire, snuck in, stole my dirty juice glass and banana peel and put a blanket on me. They left the phone beside me. Shortly after I woke and oriented myself the phone rang. It was Edward.

Feeling ashamed, I answered the phone in a soft whisper. "Hi Edward. I need to apologise to your dad and well, probably half your family but that means I need to face the world. I don't want to."

Edward was sweet and understanding and explained that Jasper was my new biggest fan because after a lot of discussion that my nosey interfering triggered, it had been decided that the high school environment was pretty toxic to him and he needed to investigate other options. Edward explained that Jasper looked like he was in pain because he could feel what everyone was feeling. It was a special Jasper only vampire thing. (I knew Jasper was an empath but I don't think Edward knew I knew.)

I mumbled awkwardly, "I supposed that would make any average angsty hormonal high school a toxic environment for him."

Edward did admit that Rosalie thought I was a rude busybody that should keep her nose out of other people's business but apparently she'd spent half the night investigating the best schools for movie makeup because anything was better than high school, even wrinkles, so maybe there had been some merit to my comments.

I asked Edward if he'd finally decided that he'd had enough of me yet.

Apparently the answer was still no and I was being stupid. I think that's Edward's weird way of saying I still think you're the bee's knees. It was comforting being insulted the whole time he was trying to make me feel better. It felt more sincere. Good old Edward.

I started silently crying and then had the coughing fit to end all coughing fits until Carlisle invaded the sanctity of my closet hideout. He insisted using his best no-nonsense 'Dr. Dad tone' that I use my inhaler. He hung up the phone and made me get out of the closet and go to bed. I muttered a pathetic, 'sorry I'm rude and horrible' in his direction. He propped me up with pillows, tucked me in and kissed me on the head.

The next few days passed with getting to know future werewolves and such.

Leah was salty about life. Boyfriend issues. Dad issues. I experimented on one day which repeated a few times on behalf of Leah. The repeat wouldn't let me tell Leah about Sam and the werewolves directly but I was able to give her the title to book from Port Angeles. My copy was at the bottom of the bay. It wasn't much but it was something.

If this is a video game, I think surviving Port Angeles and getting declared 'girl friend' was the first volume of the game. I'm not sure what the point is now. It's like the game play after the credits roll in a pokemon game. There is lots of game play yet but no clear next destination. I seem to be collecting friends right now. I wonder if I'll earn a special item if I collect enough friends.