Dietrich would always be amazed at how much calmer he felt in Tully's presence. The typically quiet Kentuckian had a gift for diffusing tough situations. He was almost never stressed and liked to see people getting along, but he wasn't naïve about it; Tully knew that solving quarrels required patience and understanding of where both people were coming from. It meant helping them confront their own problems, traumas, and grievances, and he never made anyone feel bad about anything.

It didn't come as a surprise that Tully offered to make dinner later that afternoon, and Dietrich didn't argue. Esther especially didn't. She was undoubtedly happy at the help Tully would provide for the length of time he would be staying with them.

"Now you have to decide who is the better help," Dietrich said with a grin. "Tully or Moffitt."

"Oh, that's silly." Esther playfully nudged him. "They are both very sweet for taking the time out of their lives to help."

"They are, but Tully will complain less."

"Moffitt never complained."

"He complained about the tea. A lot."

"When is he not complaining about tea?"

"Fair point."

"I can promise I won't be complaining about anything," Tully said, smiling. "That's no way to treat your host."

"That does not mean you have to suffer if there is something you don't like," Esther said.

"I know, ma'am. You and your husband just sit back, relax, and I'll try to stay outta your way."

"You are also a friend, Tully, not a hired servant," Dietrich said.

"I know, sir. How spicy do you want your chicken?"

"Moderately, please."

"Do you want biscuits or waffles with them?"

Dietrich looked at his wife. "Which would you prefer, my dear?"

"Biscuits." Esther kissed Dietrich's cheek. "Kuschelbär."

Dietrich smirked before kissing Esther, figuring it was best to just enjoy everyone's company now, and think about his brother later. He knew Tully would insist on handling everything, so Dietrich decided to take his wife and go in the living room. He was never sure if he would even like romantic affection before he met Esther. The most affection he received beforehand typically came in the form of hugs from the Rats, their wives, and kids. It was often rough, but well-meaning. With Esther, affection was gentle and tender and felt so indescribably wonderful. He found he enjoyed it more than he thought, which resulted in Esther's term of endearment for him being "cuddle bear."

Tully didn't bother them apart from asking where certain tools and ingredients were, and he always smiled when going into the living room to see Dietrich and Esther snuggled up together on the couch. He wasn't alone with Dietrich until after dinner, when Esther was upstairs taking care of the baby and getting a shower. "It's really nice seeing you happy like this," Tully said.

"And to think there was once a time I felt I was undeserving of such happiness," Dietrich replied.

"You were never undeserving of happiness, sir. At least, I don't think so. I know… being depressed can make that hard to see, but I'm glad that you've managed to push past that."

"I doubt I ever truly will, but it feels less… less controlling." Dietrich didn't want to stand around and do nothing while Tully cleaned, so he went into the kitchen to help put things away and wash up the dishes. He paused upon seeing the slip of paper on the counter by the refrigerator. "This… like I said before, I fear what will happen if I pursue conversation with Markus."

"I don't want to sound ignorant of what's going on in your head, but I'm curious to know what you think—would you rather face him now, or ten years ago?"

"Oh, now is far better than ten years ago. Even five years ago."

Tully looked somewhat hesitant to continue, but this was the whole reason why he decided to come out here. "Did he say why he's talking to you now?"

"He said our mother passed away last year. I guess he has spent that time searching for me, which I cannot say I am happy with."

"He probably got lucky, talked to the right people. Didn't you say you're on good terms with your neighbor? The guy who owns the vineyard behind you?"

"Yes. A former Heer lieutenant. He has no idea about my relationship with my family, so if someone talked to him and asked about me, he is completely innocent. Still, Markus must have known fairly quickly who to talk to. He was in the army as well, enlisted."

Tully was quiet again. "You okay if I ask some questions?"

"Go ahead." Dietrich sat down, his chest feeling heavy while preparing himself to answer whatever Tully asked.

"Was he in North Africa with you?"

"No. He was in Denmark and Norway. He was part of the occupying force in Norway until the Allied invasion of Sicily, and then was moved to Italy. I was in Italy as well, but we never saw each other there. If I am remembering correctly, we were on opposite sides of the country."

"I'm guessing you really weren't in contact with your family even before they disowned you."

"No. Interestingly, it was Markus who sent me a letter saying that Aunt Miriam passed away. He did not elaborate on the details, just that she had taken ill and it progressed rather quickly. To this day, I do wonder if it was merely a consequence of her living alone, or… if no one bothered to check up on her. It makes sense, though. No one other than myself was communicating with her."

"Did you feel like it was your fault she died?"

Dietrich nodded. "In the midst of things already getting worse for me, too. I almost wish you and the rest of the Rat Patrol had been in my area at that time, because I knew no one else who could help me. That was partly why I arranged to get a message to you in Belgium, because, ironically, I knew that Troy was the only person who could not only help me, but pull it off."

"And he did. I mean, it wasn't exactly how you planned, but we still got you out."

"You did. Anyway, even though… even though Markus was the one to tell me, that did not mean he was on good terms with me. He was with everyone else in telling me just how worthless I was, how weak and spineless I was, especially since with Miriam gone, I had nowhere to go. They all knew it. I am not sure what they expected me to do after I left. Stories about what happened in North Africa made their rounds. I was still only a captain after three years. Clearly, becoming an officer did nothing to improve my image with them. Frankly, I was not after their approval, merely their tolerance, because they were a powder keg waiting to go off and have me arrested."

"No wonder you were a mess."

"I think 'mess' is an understatement."

"I mean, I certainly see why you don't want to have contact with your family, but if Markus is serious about things changing, maybe there's a way we can see if that's true without dragging you into something unpleasant."

"You are a good judge of people, Tully. I would appreciate your insight if Markus comes around here again."

Tully shook his head. "I wouldn't say I'm a good judge of people. I got roped into moonshine running because of people convincing me it was a good idea, and look where that got me."

"You were still quite young when that happened, and you have learned a lot since then."

"You're right. I just don't want to make a mistake and get you hurt in the process."

"I doubt that will happen."

"I appreciate your confidence, sir." Tully drained the sink once the last dish was washed and rinsed. He paused, looking at the slip of paper on the counter. "I'll go with whatever you want to do. I won't push you to do anything. All I'll say is that you managed to forgive the four of us and now we're friends for life. Maybe—maybe—the same thing can happen with you and your brother, but if things don't go well and you're facing those dark thoughts again, I'll be right here to pull you out."

Dietrich nodded. "That is all I want. Thank you." He drew in a breath. "Alright, then… tomorrow morning, I will talk to Markus."

"Okay. If this's what you want to do."

"I will try. Trying is better than not." Dietrich sighed, praying he didn't regret this.

He lay awake that night next to Esther, who was reading while nursing Gunther. She glanced over at him a few times, before finally saying, "Are you alright, Hans?"

"Yes. Why?" Dietrich asked.

"Just noticing that you have been staring at the ceiling for the last ten minutes."

"I am thinking about tomorrow, how I am going to attempt to talk to Markus."

"Now, you are absolutely, one hundred percent positive that you want to do this."

"I am."

"I find that hard to believe when you look so miserable."

"To be fair, Esther, I always look miserable."

"Oh, that's not true, Kuschelbär. You have a very sweet smile."

"Thank you." Dietrich continued lying awake when Esther got up to put Gunther in his crib. "I have plenty of reasons to not do this, but I also have reasons to go through with this. I should give Markus a second chance if that is what he is looking for."

"I agree with that." Esther came back to bed, turning off the lamp on her nightstand before cuddling up next to her husband. "A lot of time has passed and he might be telling the truth about things changing. Plus, why would he seek you out now, especially in the wake of your mother passing away? There must be meaning behind that."

"Possibly. I never really thought of that." Dietrich looked out the window, then felt Esther gently pulling his head back toward her so she could give him a kiss.

"At least you have not actually called your brother yet. I doubt anyone will think less of you if you decide you don't yet feel ready," Esther said.

"If I decide that, then I will just keep putting it off."

"You? Put something off?"

"For once, yes. I know, I typically refuse to put anything off."

"This is different. If you put off taking the trash out, I would be upset, but this is very different."

"I cannot fathom the idea of not taking the trash out when it badly needs it. I like to keep a clean house, Esther."

"I know. It was just an example." Esther gave Dietrich another kiss. "Go to sleep. Make your decision after you have your coffee tomorrow morning."

Part of Dietrich expected to have a restless sleep, riddled with nightmares. Instead, his sleep was dreamless and surprisingly restful. He awoke the next morning to the smell of coffee brewing and something very sweet baking, and went downstairs to find Tully had made the coffee and was in the process of building a stack of waffles on a plate.

"Good morning," Tully said. "You sleep okay?"

"Better than I anticipated," Dietrich replied. "How about you?"

"It's been so long since I stayed over that I forgot just how comfy that recliner of yours is in the living room. Too cold for the windows to be open, but your place is really cozy no matter what time of year."

"Thank you. I try." Dietrich went into the kitchen to get his coffee and Esther's. He noticed the slip of paper with Markus's information was still on the counter by the refrigerator, and he couldn't quite understand why he never bothered to put it somewhere else. Once again, he left it there, and tried to focus on his coffee.

"You still planning on calling him?" Tully asked.

"I told Esther last night that if I put this off, it will never get done."

"This is a big deal for you, and I don't think it's something you can take lightly."

"The fact that it is a big deal is why I am doing this today. I would rather get it done and over with if this turns out to be a mistake. Dwelling on it will just make things worse."

"Alright." Tully took another waffle off the iron and set it on the ever-growing stack nearby. "How many do you want?"

"I will start with two. I appreciate you asking rather than giving me six and covering them in ice cream and hot fudge like Troy's wife will do."

"Hot fudge waffles sound pretty good, though," Tully said. "But, nah, I'll ask first."

"Thank you."

"Not a problem."

Esther came downstairs, looking quite happy. "Gunther has started sleeping through the night. Wonderful!"

"Oh, good," Dietrich said. "That means we will be able to have more full nights of sleep."

"For now," Tully replied. "Wait till he learns how to walk. Auri was an escape artist when she wasn't in the mood to sleep through the night. Eleanor was a little better when it came to sleeping at night. It'll be even more fun when your kid starts talking. Kids can talk your ears off about absolutely nothing if they feel like it."

Dietrich sighed. "Tully, did you, Hitch, and Moffitt all convince me to think having a baby was a good idea just so I can understand your suffering?"

Tully smirked. "No. We did tell you it's not going to be all cute and cuddly."

"I have learned that fairly quickly, as I am counting down the days until we can start toilet-training Gunther, and when we no longer have to worry about him spitting up down our backs."

"Well, you'll still have plenty of gross moments ahead of you, especially when you have a toddler."

"That is… comforting."

"You'll get through it. Don't hesitate to ask one of us for help. We've been there."

"Thank you. That means a lot." Dietrich found it funny that he sometimes found it difficult to ask for help for himself, but was more willing to ask for help when it came to taking care of Gunther. Making sure he does not become a disaster like me is more important. He paused, trying not to think like that, trying to tell himself that he had made great improvements over the years, especially with being less hard on himself. It would happen occasionally, but it was no longer a constant stream of self-deprecation and loathing, of constantly claiming that he was a problem, that he couldn't do anything right, and that no one benefited from being around him.

He managed to relax a little after breakfast, and decided he wanted to contact Markus with no one else in the room. He wasn't sure why, possibly because he didn't want to feel pressured to do one thing or another. He stared down at the paper for a solid five minutes before taking the telephone off its hook in the kitchen and dialing. Little too late to back out now, Dietrich thought. He leaned against the counter, hoping this would go better than he was expecting, but also fearing the worst. Part of him hoped it would go badly, as he just wanted this to become a memory and not deal with it anymore. At the same time, he wondered if that was really a good way to be thinking.

He suddenly found himself unsure of what to say when he heard Markus's voice on the other end, asking who was calling. Dietrich swallowed, not wanting to sound like he was unsure, or afraid. He found it strange that he was caring now about looking and sounding weak. That wasn't something he had worried about in years, and he figured it was important now because of how he had been the weak one to his brothers. The scrawny one with no hope of keeping up. Suddenly, he was drowning in memories where either Konrad or Markus or both would take things from him, mostly books or playthings, but sometimes food, and goad him into fighting. Nothing was safe, not unless he was with Aunt Miriam.

No more. Dietrich clenched his fist, trying to muster courage and strength. Both were tinged with a burning, nasty sense of hatred, a sense he tried to suppress. Starting anew meant giving Markus a chance to apologize, and that meant Dietrich had to listen and keep his heart and mind open. He quietly released his breath, and spoke, getting right to the point. "Hello, Markus. I… have been thinking about your surprise visit from a few days ago, and decided I would call to… hear you out."

"Can I say it is a bit surprising to hear your voice, Hans? I was starting to think you never would consider giving me a chance," Markus replied.

"You can, but do not take this as an admission of forgiveness. I said I would hear you out, but I will decide whether or not afterward if I want to give a damn."

"Well, I… I hope I can change your mind."

"Try not to get your hopes up." Dietrich bit his tongue. He could stand his ground without getting overly defensive.

"Could we, perhaps, talk somewhere in person?"

"Why?"

"I… feel it would be better if we did."

"Fine. As long as we meet somewhere with as few people as possible."

"Alright. I can do that."

"We will meet at the park next to the vineyard behind my home. It is typically quiet there."

"Alright. I will be there in about twenty minutes."

They hung up at the same time. Dietrich felt sick while trying to contain every emotion that surged inside him. He stayed by the counter, leaning over it and taking a deep breath, struggling with two choices. One he felt was right, and the other he so badly wanted. The one he felt was right was to remain calm and listen like he said he was going to. The other was an awful temptation to just shout at his brother, perhaps even strike him.

That would not make me the better person, now, would it? I would be no better than how Konrad and Markus treated me. Dietrich put a jacket on before going out into the backyard, where Tully and Esther were talking by the garden. They both turned to face him.

"Everything okay?" Tully asked.

"For the most part. I am going out to the park by the vineyard to meet with Markus and talk in person," Dietrich replied.

"Alone?" Esther asked.

"Yes. Alone. I will be alright." Dietrich noticed Tully's expression changing while working the matchstick around his mouth, but said nothing of it.

"If this is what you want, then… please be careful."

"I will. I have done worse."

"Why do I get the feeling you're talking about working with Sarge back during the war?" Tully asked.

"Because I just might be." Dietrich looked at his watch. "Expect me back within an hour." He turned and headed back inside to leave through the front door. As he did, he put his hands in his pockets, feeling conscious of the scars on his wrists. That was the last thing he wanted Markus finding out about. He had gotten used to not hiding them, to not feeling so ashamed, and feeling more confident about saying that despite what he tried to do, things got better and he found the strength to keep going. He was much less confident facing Markus.

The park was vast and open, dotted with trees and shrubs, and bordered by both homes and businesses in Hammelburg. The only witnesses would be the ducks and geese that populated the ponds, and a lone badger plodding along and sniffing the ground. Dietrich occupied himself with watching the badger, and thinking about badgers. They used to be a bit of a problem in his yard, tearing into his garden and taking his vegetables. After he and Troy built a small greenhouse two summers ago, they were no longer an issue. He knew Moffitt's wife, Vanora, loved badgers, and he would send a badger Christmas ornament every year after purchasing one from the Nuremberg Christkindlesmarkt. Dietrich smiled a little, hoping he would be able to go to Nuremberg this year with Esther.

His smile faded, and he stood straight when he spotted Markus approaching. He tried to keep his expression neutral, but still narrowed his eyes and didn't bother shaking his brother's hand. "Talk," Dietrich said. "What do you want?"

Markus was quiet for a moment. He seemed to want to walk, but stopped upon noticing that his younger brother wouldn't budge. "Like I said a few days ago, Mother passed away last year. I know you were written out of the will, and with Konrad dead, that meant just about everything at the house is mine. I have been working on selling things and clearing out the house so I can sell the property, but with everyone gone, I thought… I started thinking about you, and… wondering if you were even alive. Everyone being gone meant I was free to seek you out. I guess… I guess the best thing I can say is that finding you has been on my mind for many years, since the war ended. I had a lot of long conversations with my wife about how to go about this." Markus went quiet again. "I have no excuse for my actions. None."

"No, of course not. You and Konrad were both raised that way, to be brutish, stupid animals. Frankly, I am surprised you had the mental and emotional capacity to find a wife." Dietrich paused, realizing that what he said was about as venomous as Anah—possibly even more so, given her generally sweet demeanor. He stiffened, knowing he should apologize but flat-out refusing to do so.

"Since our last real interaction was nearly two decades, I can understand how and why you might feel that way. I can also see just how much you have changed, Hans. I… chose my words poorly when I said you were not nearly as weak."

"Save it," Dietrich hissed. "You knew exactly what you were going to say to me. You assumed I was going to be the same scrawny thing you kicked out of the house with everyone else." He was a little surprised at how Markus wasn't even attempting to retaliate. "You knew I was going to react this way."

Markus nodded. "It has not surprised me. After everything Konrad and I did to you, why should you welcome me with open arms?"

Troy and the Rat Patrol were doing their jobs. They never hated me. They never enjoyed hurting me or killing my men. I could forgive them in the end. You and Konrad… you two hated me. You hated me since the day I was born. How can I forgive you? "You knew that I would greet you like this, and yet you tried anyway. Why? You know what you did. You treated me like I was worth less than the soil we stand upon. You ruined most of my possessions. You stole food right from my hands. Then you grew up, and you and Konrad were in step with our parents with how devoted they were to the Nazis."

Markus had nothing to say for a little while. "I did say I have no excuse for my actions. I doubt… I doubt anyone told you about what happened in Norway, and why I ended up getting transferred to Italy, did they?"

"No."

"Norwegian resistance fighters… bombed our barracks. It was late at night, and we were sleeping. The next thing I knew, there were explosions and the men in my unit went from sleeping peacefully to being torn to shreds. There were some who never woke up, and those who did wake up did so with limbs missing, or internal organs spilling from their bodies. The ones who lived were screaming. There was constant screaming. It never left my head, not for a long time."

There was a haunted look in Markus's eyes that Dietrich couldn't describe in words, but he had seen it in himself and the Rats enough times to know that Markus was telling the truth about his experience. He stayed quiet. Despite feeling sympathy, Dietrich still wasn't sure that warranted giving Markus a second chance.

"I was one of two survivors in my unit. We were both moved to Italy. Our commander was a decent man who had connections and pulled strings to make sure we did not get sent to the meatgrinder of the Eastern Front. I was a bit jumpy for a while, but felt it would pass. I wanted it to pass. I made the mistake of mentioning it to Mother in a letter. She told me, to put it simply, to get over it, that she did not raise a coward who would flinch at his job. Never mind the fact that several men I trained with died. Never mind the fact that two of them were engaged to be married. Never mind the fact that one had two children and another was going to be a father in a matter of months. Never mind any of that."

"It made you start to think."

Markus nodded.

"And yet you still treated me with the same disrespect that Christmas. Old habit, or did you actually listen to her load of excrement about getting over the loss of your comrades?"

"To be fair, Hans, back then, there was no time for mourning—"

"Oh, believe me, I know, especially when I had to sit and write letter after letter telling families that their loved one was not coming home. You never just 'get over it.' It stays, and it festers, and you start to wonder why out of everyone involved, you were the one who had to survive." Dietrich realized he was coming dangerously close to discussing everything that happened in North Africa, the Rat Patrol, and his gradually worsening depression.

"From everything I heard about your unit from men who were moved close to mine, it certainly sounds like you had a lot of losses."

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I did!" Dietrich snapped. "And you and everyone else told me that was a symptom of my complete and utter failure! You sided with them in spite of what you went through, you spineless halfwit!"

Markus looked like he was about to try and argue when he froze and said, "Someone is coming down the path, Hans. You should—"

Dietrich turned, and was a bit surprised to see Tully walking over to them. "What are you doing here?"

"I followed you," Tully said. "I'm glad I did, too." He looked at Markus. "This him? Your brother?"

"Somehow."

"Okay, stop—"

"Hans, may I ask who this is?" Markus interrupted.

"I'm Tully Pettigrew. Friend of Dietrich's."

Markus's gaze switched between Dietrich and Tully. "He is American?"

"Yes," Dietrich said. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"N-No, I… am just surprised, that is all. How did you even meet?"

"We can discuss that later," Tully said. He pointed to Markus. "You stay there. I'm going to talk with Dietrich in private." He turned to Dietrich, and motioned for him to follow. "Come on. You need to cool off for a bit."

Dietrich wanted to argue, but he knew the whole reason he had called Tully in the first place was to help him out with this particular problem. He sighed before following Tully off to another section of the park, where they were out of earshot from Markus.

Tully glanced over in Markus's direction before focusing on Dietrich and adjusting the matchstick in his mouth. "I don't think I've ever seen you that mad before, sir, even when dealing with Sarge, and we both know how frustrating he can get."

"I would much rather deal with Troy at his most annoying right now." Dietrich drew in a breath. "At least I know Troy is genuine."

"Look, I listened to that whole conversation. I heard Markus say to you that he's got no excuse for his actions. There's not much else he can say, and it sounds like he was having a lot of regrets back during the war, but didn't have the courage to do anything with the rest of your family around. You've been there, sir. You didn't do the things he did, but you know what it's like to be scared."

Dietrich tried to consider what Tully was saying. "That is true. I do know… what it is like. I am curious, though, why are you arguing in his favor?"

"Because I've been watching you yell at him while he's just sitting there and taking it. That's not the body language of someone who's looking to hurt you anymore. I know he hurt you in the past, but I don't think someone would seek you out after nineteen years just to keep hurting you. I'm also not saying you're wrong in how you feel—you absolutely have a right to be mad. How he and everyone else treated you was awful, but that doesn't mean you should lash out like you've been doing."

"When I am not facing him, I am aware of that."

"Just him being around you makes you feel like you have to be on-guard."

"You could say that."

"Okay, then let's try this—I'll talk to your brother, but I'll need your permission to talk about certain things with him."

"If you are referring to my depression and attempted suicide, you most certainly do not have permission."

"Alright. I'll avoid it as best I can." Tully glanced over at Markus, who was still standing in the middle of the park, looking out at one of the ponds and its resident ducks. He then looked back at Dietrich. "As much as I want to see the best come outta this, I'll stop when it looks like you're really not ready."

"Then maybe it is best we stop now. I doubt I will ever be ready."

"Do you mind if I ask why?"

"Because I have worked incredibly hard to get control of my life back, and to make myself happier. My biggest fear is going backward, especially with Esther and Gunther in my life now."

"None of us want to see you go backwards, and I hope it doesn't look like I want that when I say that you're taking it a bit too far by yelling at Markus and insulting him. That, and that's not the Dietrich I know."

"It takes something that strong to get me to that point."

"I can see that." Tully adjusted the matchstick again, then glanced at the ground before continuing. "I'm not sure what more to say, other than to think about what I've said and what Markus told you while I talk to him. I think it'll be best you two have a mediator from now on."

"Agreed." Dietrich kept his hands in his pockets while watching Tully head back to Markus. He would have preferred this to just end and everyone went their separate ways. You told yourself that you would listen, and instead you let your anger take over. If that will happen every time, maybe it is better that we stop and never speak to each other again. We never even got to what he wants and the point he was trying to make about our parents' wills. Why should I care? They had nothing I wanted.

He thought back to all the times he had helped the Rats and Anah confront things from their past that hurt them and made them uncomfortable. They had all been scared to do so, but managed to pull through and didn't regress. They came out of it with a better understanding of themselves and acknowledged that a lot had changed and they were better for it. They let go. Some things still haunted them at times, but it wasn't nearly as crippling anymore.

I need to let go as well, Dietrich thought. That means facing this head-on, no matter how much I may not like it. If the Rats could face their pasts, so can I.