Shout out to (Katdog161) For her awesome story that inspired this one. Check it out. If you haven't already, then what's wrong with you?
And since this is one of my favorite chapters, I may periodically add a few new chapters here and there. So if you re-read this chapter, you may notice some new sentences as time goes on.
Added new sentences 04/22/2023.
Google "Sword of Damocles" so I don't have to explain it.
Chapter 6: {Past And Present} (updated)
/
(A few hours later)
Jason had to find ways to occupy himself while he waited for Daisy's return.
While flipping through TV channels, Jason stumbled upon an action movie from the early 2000's. He had seen this movie a few times over the last couple years. He had fond memories of Oliver and himself watching this movie on DVD while Oliver got stoned.
And occasionally Jason would get high with Oliver. He didn't always want to be a buzzkill.
The scene from the movie that was playing had reminded him of a less pleasant memory.
Currently, the scene playing was similar to that dreadful day when Jason had fought to get Daisy and himself off of that pirate ship. In the film, the hero had to fight his way through goons on a cruise ship, to stop the main villain and rescue his love interest from his evil plans.
The plot to the movie was as ridiculous as they come. But it was a hit at the box office and it's cheesy action was always enough to entertain the guys watching it.
As the violent action flick played on the television, Jason thought back to that day when Daisy had killed a man.
She is too good of a person to have to have done that.
But she's never brought it up before. Maybe she doesn't feel anything about it.
After all… I never felt anything after I killed those savages. I never even cared enough to keep count of how many I'd killed.
No, I did feel something after killing them.
I felt, like a winner. I felt like nothing in the world could stand in my way.
It was almost pleasurable watching the life drain from the eyes of those pirates and Hoyt's mercenaries.
The feeling of knowing that I was the only one between the and the permanence of death…
Was… exhilarating.
But Daisy had saved his life.
Jason often wondered if he would have survived if Daisy hadn't killed Jay.
That day was the most traumatic day of Jason's life. Which was ironic, considering how many days Jason spent murdering pirates and Hoyt's mercenaries.
Daisy had been forced to kill, to save him.
Witnessing Daisy's hands covered in the blood of that pirate , was something that Jason wished he'd never seen.
Before that day, he had always seen Daisy as sweet and innocent girl. He surely had never imagined that Daisy was capable of killing. But she had killed. There was no denying that.
Even though she had only killed once, she still had become a killer.
Daisy never exhibited any changes to her personality after she had killed. At least, none that Jason could notice. Jason thought for a long time. Trying to make since of everything that had happened to him. And to Daisy.
Of course she is… I went crazy after killing my first man.
Daisy Didn't.
No… she is still that sweet girl that I fell in love with all those years ago. She has a good heart. And a stable mind.
I can still remember when Daisy told me that I was a good man, and not a monster. I hope she was right.
Maybe it was the islands that made me into a monster. I did enjoy killing all those men. They deserved it after all, didn't they?
The hero on television had made his way to his damsel in distress. The villain was holding the hero's woman in his arm and using her as a human shield.
Jason decided to turn off the television. He'd seen this cheesy action movie to many times to enjoy watching it anymore.
He needed some other way of killing the time. Jason thought of different ways to occupy his time.
He decided to go out and look at Daisy's garden. Maybe doing this would help Jason remember some pleasant memories of him and Daisy.
Getting up off of the couch, Jason walked towards the sliding glass door to the outside patio.
The glass door slid open. Jason inhaled the fresh air and the smell of fresh flowers.
Walking outside, Jason surveyed the garden. It was filled with a myriad of differently colored flowers. Each one placed strategically around the garden, so that the different colors contrasted one another.
A gust of wind blew by, accentuating the smell of the flowers.
Jason walked onto the patio. He closed the sliding glass door behind him.
Jason the sat down on the concrete steps that led to the backdoor. He thought about the times shortly after he and his friends returned to Santa Monica.
Once returning home to Santa Monica, Jason had dropped out of college. He couldn't focus on his schoolwork anymore. Too many bad memories filled his head, leaving no room for academics.
After he dropped out of college, Jason had worked several odd jobs. Pretty much working whatever job he could find.
Ever since he had returned home to Santa Monica, Jason had become progressively more and more antisocial. But he himself believed that he had made many improvements to his social interaction skills since then. He may have not become the social butterfly that he once had been, but whenever he was forced to interact with the public, he was able to do so in a calm and casual way. And giving no indication that he had once been crazy.
He had stopped talking to all of his friends once he was safely back in America. He even stopped speaking with his mother on a regular basis. Only seeing her a few times over the last two years.
His mother was still in deep agony and grief over losing her oldest son Grant, not as much as when she first was hit with the news of his death, but losing a child is never something that a parent can ever truly recover from. Jason sometimes felt like a shitty son for not consoling his mother and being there for her. But Jason was still in too much pain for everything that had happened to him. Even after two years had passed, he just couldn't manage to build up the courage to be a good son. He did miss the close relationship with his mom that he had before the islands. But he still felt responsibility and guilt over Grant's death, as Jason had been the one that convinced everyone to go skydiving.
Riley, the youngest of his brothers, was there for his mother. The only person that Jason was able to socialize with other than Daisy and Liza, was his younger brother. Even after what Jason had done to Riley in that torture room, his brother had forgiven him.
And although Jason hadn't been the one holding the pistol that killed Grant, he felt that he might have well been the one to pull the trigger.
And he couldn't stand to look his mother in the eyes after that.
I got Grant killed. I'm responsible for everyone's suffering that they endured on those islands.
Remembering that it was my fault… how can I ever be the good son that mom remembers?
But she still doesn't know anything that I did back there. And she can't ever know. Grant has to stay the hero. Not me.
Maybe knowing that Grant died a hero, gave her some ease to her suffering. But is he still died. Hero or not. And mom would rather have Grant still be alive than a dead hero.
I know that I do. If I could, I would trade a thousand of my tomorrows for just one more yesterday with Grant.
I miss him so much. His fun loving but responsible nature. I even miss the way that he would embarrass me and Riley whenever he got a chance. The way that he always joked with and teased me and Riley, but at the same time would always give a friendly ear to us and letting us bitch about our problems to him. He was there to help take care of Riley and myself after dad died. A friend to lean on but also a fatherly figure.
Jason felt some tears trickle down his face. He wiped them off his face as he sniffled.
Jason wondered what Grant would say to him if he could see him today. What would he think about Jason's relationship with Daisy? She was his girlfriend after all.
"Grant… what would you think about me now? Would you still think of me as your brother who had a bad case of middle child syndrome but was a fun loving guy? Or would see me as the new man that I've become?" Jason had been talking to himself out loud.
He channeled his memories, trying to find the memories of him and Daisy. But he couldn't. The only memory that popped into his head was a most unpleasant one.
Jason personally believed that his craziness and PTSD had reduced drastically over the year and a half, once he had got his life back on track. It took a time naturally for the feelings of extreme anxiety, anger, despair, and other accompanying emotions to become manageable.
But those emotions never completely left him. They only hid in the smallest and deepest corner of his mind, coming out only on the rare opportunities that they had available to harass Jason.
It must be Daisy who helped me work through my problems. Even when I've upended her life with my mental health, she still has stayed by my side.
Why?
She would be living such an easier life if I wasn't part of it. I'm only a crutch holding her back.
Jason then remembered a time when he had lashed out in violence against a complete stranger. The only time since he had left the islands that he had almost become a killer again. Luckily, Jason had controlled himself before it went too far. And no one got hurt.
At least not too badly.
/
(Flashback)
It was about one month after Jason had moved in with Daisy. And after the two of them had talked it over one morning, they had decided that they wanted a romantic relationship. To be boyfriend and girlfriend. Regardless of what everyone else thought about their decision.
There relationship had only gotten sexual once. That same morning that they admitted their feelings for each other and agreed to pursue a boyfriend girlfriend relationship, they had chosen to have sex for the first time. As they didn't consider what Jason did to Daisy on that pirate ship to have been their first time.
But their fresh start to their sex life hadn't gone as intended. As the still emotionally and psychologically damaged Jason had prematurely ejaculated inside of Daisy in under a minute during their first time having sex. But fortunately for him, Daisy had been very understanding and never teased him or tried to make him feel like less of a man. Since then they haven't had sex. They only held each other and cuddling on the couch and as they slept in their bed.
Sometimes they even slept nude together, even though they never had sexual intercourse. Jason just enjoyed the simplistic comfort of having her holding onto him and vice versa. Jason never even got so much as an erection when Daisy's naked skin pressed into his scared body. Not even when she would involuntarily curl one of her warm legs over Jason's lower half as she slept, or even doing it right before she fell asleep. Occasionally squeezing up close and tight enough to him, that her pussy would press up against his hip or thigh as they laid under the blankets. Jason always noticed that when Daisy did this, she clearly wasn't trying to grind her clitoris up and down on his skin for her own masturbatory pleasure, but as an inevitability of having her leg wrapped around him. Jason assumed that Daisy simply wanted to hold onto him as closely as possible.
And it took about three more weeks after that first attempt, until Jason felt comfortable enough to continue having sex with Daisy.
At this time in their lives, people were spreading gossip about his relationship with Daisy. Jason was never out in public to hear these slanderous anecdotal rumors for himself, but he would occasionally eavesdrop on Daisy's phone conversations with people that she knew. And while it was clear that she tried her hardest not to bring it up in Jason's presence, he was able to make educated guesses about what she was talking about.
It wasn't the people who had been on the islands with Jason, but it was the friends of his friends that were running their mouths.
People had said things. Some people theorized that maybe Jason and had been cheating on Liza the whole time.
They said the same about Daisy. That she was sleeping with Jason behind Grant's back.
Rumors spread like an out of control wildfire, and he could do nothing to stop the flames from engulfing everything around him.
But Jason tried not to bother with what people said. He knew the truth of, and so did Daisy, his new girlfriend.
One day, Jason had dropped Daisy off at one of her friend's birthday parties. Daisy's car had broken down and was being repaired in a local body shop, so Jason had to drive Daisy around until her car was fixed.
It was one of Daisy's friends from college. This girl and Daisy had both been on their colleges swimming team as well in the same nursing classes that Daisy had been taking. Jason had never met this girl, he couldn't even remember what her name was just minutes after Daisy had told him.
Since Jason wasn't the kind of person who enjoyed parties, he had told Daisy that he would not be going inside, only drop her off. After giving him a goodbye kiss, she got out of his car and walked across the street into the party scene going on at her friend's house.
Daisy didn't try and pressure him into going with her. As she probably understood everything that Jason had been through and that he was recovered enough to try and resume his life where it had been before that tragic vacation.
Daisy had seemed to get acclimated back into her normal life very quickly after returning home. All of the people that had been with Jason would probably never completely recover or return to the people that they had been before.
After the regulatory questioning from both local Indonesian authorities and government officials in America, everyone had been cleared from any further questioning. As weeks before the group had escaped and made it to one of the mainland Indonesian islands, news of the current situation on the Rook Islands had started to seep into the mainstream media.
The other reason Jason decided not to tag along with Daisy to the party, was because he didn't want to overhear anybody gossip about the two of them. Daisy really wanted Jason to attend the party with her. But Jason said that he wasn't ready yet for such extroverted social interaction. He couldn't handle the silent stares and hushed mutterings under peoples breath. And he might not have been able to hold back his primitive reactions of violence if anyone was to pry too much into his life.
Late at night, a little bit before 10:45pm, Jason had received a text message from Daisy saying that she was ready for him to come and pick her up. Once he had parked across the street, he texted Daisy informing her that he was ready for her. But Daisy had texted him back and told him to come on into the house and come and get her, as she was having a conversation with one of her friends.
Jason had been sitting motionless in his car for around two minutes after Daisy's text before he built up the gumption and bravery to leave the safety of his turtle shell of a car and walk into Daisy's friend's house.
After parking his car a few houses down from the party, he got out of his car and walked down the road towards the party. He had a lightweight jacket on, as it was an unusually chilly night in Santa Monica.
The party hadn't been too loud. It wasn't as noisy and reckless as a college frat party where everyone is hammered and out of control.
As Jason approached the house, he could hear faint music playing.
There were two guys and a girl standing outside on the front porch. The two guys each had a cheap red plastic cup in their hands. Probably filled with beer. They hadn't paid any attention to Jason as he walked up the steps.
Jason had thought;
Maybe they don't involve themselves in gossip. Or they may just don't know who I am.
The moment had arrived, and Jason gripped the brass doorknob in his hand. He took a deep breath before he opened the door. He was nervous to be around so many people that he didn't know.
Jason opened the door to the party. Stepping inside the house, Jason heard some soft punk rock music playing. He then closed the door.
Nirvana's "Heart Shaped Box" was currently playing. Not loud enough to cause a disturbance to neighbors however. Jason had thought that it was an odd choice to play at a friendly party, but he wasn't one to judge what people wanted to listen to.
Jason saw a lot of people inside the house. None of them were familiar to him. But a few of them gave passing glances at him. He assumed they had known who he was. Also, they had most likely known Grant while he was still alive.
He looked left and then right, trying to spot Daisy. He didn't see her anywhere.
Then he heard her voice. He had heard her through the crowd of people, but couldn't see her yet.
"Jason. Hey over here." Daisy said waving.
She had been somewhere to his left but he hadn't seen here at first. She walked past some people to get to Jason. She was smiling as she walked up to meet him.
"Thanks for picking me up." Daisy said as she hugged Jason.
No doubt everyone could see the two of them.
Jason could feel the eyes of the party goers staring at him and Daisy. Jason quickly scanned the room to see the condescending stares. When he met the eyes of the people at the party, they quickly averted their gaze.
"Hey, Jason, are you alright?" She asked him as she released him from her comforting hug.
Jason had been nervously scanning the room, looking to see the expressions on the faces of the party goers. Jason pulled his eyes back, and looked Daisy in her blue eyes.
"Oh, uh, yeah I'm fine." Jason responded to her awkwardly.
"Oh, okay then," Daisy started, "well, I have to go and get my coat and then we can leave. Okay?"
Desperate to leave with Daisy as soon as possible, Jason shook his head affirmation.
"Okay Daisy, I'll be waiting here for you." He said.
Daisy's sapphire eyes gleamed at him, shinning through the dim light of the house. They were like blue jewels.
"Alright then, I will be right back. Won't be long." Daisy said as she put her skinny arms over his shoulders. Her arms draped over his back as they hinged at her elbows.
Jason was surprised when Daisy kissed him on the lips, in clear view of everyone there. And as much as he always enjoyed Daisy's sweet kisses, the fact that she was doing it in front of a crowd of people that were complete strangers to him, caused Jason to develop a feeling of anxiety and general awkwardness.
Jason had been trying to not flaunt his and Daisy's relationship out in public. He didn't want to add to the gossip that was already circulating throughout all the college students. They had only been romantically involved for about two weeks now, so Jason was concerned that people would think that they were moving way to fast in their relationship.
Daisy was never one to play the shy and meek girl. No, she wasn't afraid of being herself. Jason felt like he should learn this characteristic from Daisy.
The kiss had been a quick one. But even though it had been brief, that kiss had meant the world to Jason.
"I love you buddy." Daisy showed much happiness in her pretty blue eyes.
"Me too… buddy." Jason had actually managed to smile after he said that.
Jason had thought;
Love. Love. Love.
Why is that word still so hard for me to get out of my mouth?
It's true, I am in love with Daisy.
So why can't I say those three simple words?
"I love you."
Will I ever be able to say it?
Daisy headed back into the dense mass of humanity that made up the party, to retrieve her coat.
After she had walked off, Jason stuck his hands in pockets of his jacket.
It was only several short seconds after Daisy had gone, that some guy had walked up beside Jason. Jason did not recognize the man at all. He assumed that he was some mutual friend or acquaintance of Daisy or the birthday girl.
The man was bigger and taller than Jason. Probably around six foot two. Jason himself being five foot ten or eleven, so the man was not towering over Jason like a giant. The guy had a stocky athletic build to him. He was most likely a football player at the university. He had short black hair, and an obnoxious grin on his face.
"So… you're Daisy's boyfriend, right?" The guy asked Jason, his hand holding a red cup filled with liquor.
Jason could tell that this guy was mildly intoxicated. He took a lot of drinks out of his cup, adding to his drunkenness. Jason didn't want to talk to this guy, but he answered him. He hoped that he could bore the man enough to make him walk off.
"I guess you can call me that. We haven't ever labeled each other as boyfriend or girlfriend. I call her Daisy, and she calls me Jason. That's all." Jason responded, not even looking at the man while he talked.
Jason hoped that the man would walk off, but he continued talking with slurred and drunken words.
"Ha Ha, yeah… ha!" The drunk man chuckled at Jason's response.
For some reason the man had found what Jason said to be funny. Even though Jason had spoke in a serious tone.
Jason turned his head so that he faced the opposite direction from where the drunk guy was. Jason was attempting to ignore the guy, so that he would take the hint and just walk away from him.
The drunk guy was too inebriated to comprehend the subtle gesture that Jason was giving him.
Jason felt the drunkard nudge his shoulder to get his attention.
"So… hey, uh buddy… tell me, how long you been sticking it to blondie, huh?" Asked the drunkard.
Jason turned his head forward. Not looking at the man but looking straight forward. What the man had said had gotten Jason's attention.
Jason responded, trying to maintain himself. "What do you mean? What are you implying?"
The drunkard took a last drink from his cup. He crushed the empty cup in his hand and tossed it into a trashcan. Something that he probably thought made him look cool.
"I mean," the drunkard started, "You must have been fucking that Daisy's sweet ass for quite some time now, right? Oh yeah, I bet you were tapping that ass the whole time."
The song that played over the sound system had just changed. Daisy's friend must have had a Nirvana greatest hits CD or playlist hooked up to the media system. As the next song that played was one that added to Jason's anger, as he already had his emotions hanging under a sword of Damocles ready to be unleashed on this drunkard scumbag motherfucker.
The song that was playing was Nirvana's "Rape Me". Despite the heinous title of the song, the song wasn't actually about the act of forcibly having non consenting sex with an unwilling victim, the usage of that word alone was enough to aggravate Jason. And Jason had found this song to be in particularly poor taste, as Kurt Cobain's repetition of the words Rape Me! Rape Me! Rape Me! made his skin crawl.
This song made Jason grind his teeth in anger and disgust with himself. This was due to him being reminded of what he had done to Daisy on that pirate ship. When those marauders had forced him at gunpoint to force himself on Daisy,
Jason felt his fingers curl up into his palms and become fists. He kept them clinched at his side. He didn't want to escalate things into a violent confrontation.
"Whatever man, just leave me alone alright?" Jason knew what this drunkard was trying to say.
He was implying that Jason had been having sex with Daisy behind his brother Grant's back. Jason didn't want to hear this guy try and say that Daisy was a whore and Jason was a shit brother.
No, Jason knew the truth. He had never had sex with Daisy while Grant was still alive. Yes he was madly in love with Daisy, but he would have never betrayed Grant like that.
"Come on man, you can tell me, huh? I know that Daisy was your side chick. You were fucking her on the side weren't you bro?" The drunkard laughed, his breath reeked of booze.
The drunkard continued speaking. "You were fucking her back when she was dating that other guy, weren't you? Oh yeah, lucky guy. Man I don't blame you, your brother's girlfriend must be a horny freak, heh heh." The drunkard gave a chuckle. "Yeah she must be right? I mean, your brother couldn't give it to her his dick good enough so she had to go to you to get some more side action. Yeah I bet you-"
The drunkard was unable to finish what he was saying. When Jason heard his brother being disparaged and slandered, the warrior in him came out.
In a fury, Jason gripped his hands around the drunkard's throat. Jason's anger took control of his body. With his adrenaline spiking, Jason had the raw strength to completely lift the drunkard up and off of his feet.
Jason slammed the drunkard's body into the wall behind him. Jason still holding the man up off the floor.
Jason stared into the man's eyes with evil intent. Holding the man up with his left hand, Jason slammed his right fist into the man's face.
The drunkard groaned in agony.
"Fuck you man!" the drunkard said as he pushed Jason off of him.
The drunk guy was to clumsy in his intoxicated state to have his retaliatory punch land on it's intended target. His punch barely missed Jason's face, as Jason dodged his jab.
Jason then grabbed the man's arm, the same arm that had thrown the failed punch, and used his body weight as a counterbalance to flip the drunken man onto the floor.
The drunkard landed on the floor and began coughing. He put his hands to his throat trying to get his wind back. He rolled over on his back.
But Jason had pinned the man down before he could react. Not that he could do much to combat Jason's blind rage.
With the drunkard's shirt collar in his left hand, Jason punched the man in the mouth several times relentlessly.
Jason had thought as his fist impacted the drunk's face;
I'm going to fucking kill you.
I've done it many times before, and I have no problem doing it again.
No one talks about my brother like that.
No one talks about Daisy like that.
Jason's disposition changed from anger to disbelief in what he had done when he had heard Daisy's pleas.
"Jason! Stop!" Daisy shouted at him.
In that moment, Jason ceased all of his violence upon the drunkard. Somehow Daisy's voice had tamed him.
Jason saw Daisy standing with her jacket on over her slender body. She was staring wide eyed at Jason in shock and horror.
"Daisy…" Jason tried to speak but was at a loss of words.
"What the fuck man?!" Jason heard a man shout out. "You fucking psycho!"
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" A redheaded girl had exclaimed. "Get the hell out of here!"
Jason then let released the drunk mans collar and his head hit the floor.
The drunk man was groaning and moaning from his beating which had mostly likely given him pain and agony. Which was Jason's intention after all.
Getting to his feet and standing up straight, Jason felt extreme embarrassment.
Not for himself, but for Daisy.
Jason had thought;
I've ruined Daisy's night. And possibly her entire social life.
Jason turned his head franticly from side to side. He looked at all of the party goers facial expressions. They ranged from shock, to horror, and fear.
Daisy ran towards Jason and grabbed his left hand with her right. She started walking towards the front door, the whole time pulling Jason along.
"I'm so, so, sorry." Daisy said to everyone at the party as she frantically looked at all of them in a three hundred sixty degree way. "He's been through a lot over the last few months, we both have. Jason didn't mean to do that. We're going now. Please forgive him, and he's sorry. I'm sorry."
When Jason and Daisy both reached the door, Daisy first gently pushed on Jason's back, urging him to leave the house first. Jason took the hint and stepped outside.
Daisy continued to apologize for Jason's actions as she was closing the door behind her.
With the door closed, Daisy looped her right arm under Jason's left arm. With their arms interlocked, they walked to Jason's car in a rapid pace.
At this point Jason felt like he should say something to Daisy.
Jason had thought;
Should I apologize?
"Daisy I… I… I'm so sorry. That guy… the way he was talking about you… and about Grant. I just couldn't control myself. " Jason's tongue stumbled his words.
Before he could organize his words into something audible, Daisy interrupted him.
"Jason, we will talk when we get home." Daisy's voice wasn't filled with anger or disappointment. It was a neutral tone. But her voice soothed him.
This surprised Jason. He assumed that Daisy would either be furious or upset with him. But Daisy understood Jason. She knew everything that he had seen, everything he has done.
Daisy and Jason have a special connection with each other. They had both been through horrible and traumatizing experiences. And they could share their pain with one another.
On the drive home, Jason and Daisy hardly said anything. They mostly sat in silence as the radio provided a convenient distraction from addressing what had happened back at they party.
"I'm sorry… for everything… for being an awful boyfriend. I know that you hate me for that." Jason said. Almost coming to tears.
Daisy didn't respond right away as Jason had pulled into the driveway of Daisy's home.
Before they had gotten into Jason's car after their speedy exit from the party, Daisy had actually asked Jason if he wanted her to drive his car while he sat in the passenger seat and calm down. But Jason declined.
Even after the he had turned the engine off and parked the car, Jason continued to hold onto the steering wheel with such intensity that if he was any stronger he would probably have ripped the wheel clean off. He couldn't even look at Daisy, so he continued to stare blankly of into the distance in front of him.
But his nerves were instantly put at ease when Daisy put her left hand on top of his right. Jason had felt his muscles loosen and the tension in his sinews and tendons be put into a relaxed state.
"I don't hate you Jason. I love you." Daisy said tenderly.
Jason had thought;
She Loves me? Still?
This isn't ever going to work. The two of us.
We shouldn't be together as a couple. It's wrong. You were dating my dead brother. And I'm an unhinged psycho who will do nothing for you but hold you back from the rest of your life.
We should end this.
But I still want you. To be with you. I'll always want that.
However, It's not just about what I want.
"You should hate me. After I embarrassed you like that? How can you not hate me?" Jason asked.
Daisy's skinny fingers gently stroked the top of Jason's hand.
"Jason… hey… look at me please." Jason heard daisy plead.
Sighing, Jason had reluctantly and slowly shifted his head to look at the woman who's life he'd just ruined.
"You're forgiven. And please, please, please… don't worry about what all those people think about you or me. I can handle it. And you don't have to see any of them ever again. I shouldn't have told you to come inside to get me. I just thought…" Daisy stopped and sighed.
She continued. "I just thought that maybe being around some people laughing and smiling and just having a fun time at that party might have helped you ease back into the normal life that you used to have. I just hated seeing you depressed and unsure of yourself every day that you've lived with me. Back before everything that happened to us, I remember you being a goofy and fun loving guy who was my best friend. I mean, I still see you as the same guy that was my best friend. But I know that you don't see yourself the same way as I see you, not anymore. So this is all my fault. Not yours. I shouldn't have been so stupid as to think that simply being at a fun social gathering, would have done anything to help you."
"Daisy… none of this is your fault. I don't know why you still want to be with me. I'm not worth the trouble or effort to constantly take care of. I want you to be happy. To be with a guy who isn't fucked up like me. A normal guy." Jason said trying his hardest not to cry as he looked into her eyes.
Daisy scoffed and crossed her arms as she leaned back into the passenger seat of the car. She was now looking out the front window, shaking her head in a negative way.
"Normal…" Daisy scoffed again.
She continued. "I love you Jason. And fuck normal. You're a good man. I know that you are upset with yourself and you might even hate yourself. But you are going to get better. And I don't care how long it will take."
She then bent around to square her body in Jason's direction. Jason hadn't stopped looking at her the entire time. He was just amazed that a woman as amazing and flawless as Daisy even existed. Daisy looked him in the eyes with such intensity that he couldn't look away.
"Jason. I knew that that this wasn't going to be easy. The two of us, together. And I'm not naive, you have been through hell, and I won't ever blame you for reacting to the pain and trauma that you feel. But I've already made up my mind. And I'm not leaving you. I know that my best buddy is still inside of you, even if you don't believe that he is. And I just know, that someday, you will believe it too." Daisy told him.
Jason was silent after hearing her say that.
Jason had thought;
What should I say?
"Thank you. For everything that you are. For being… you." He said, managing a small smile.
"You're very welcome. You don't know just how lucky you are to have me." Daisy returned his smile with one of her own.
"Oh yeah? Maybe you can show me just how lucky I am." Jason responded with the same friendly banter that he and Daisy used to engage in back in the day.
"And just like that… he's back. Told you that the real Jason was still in there." She said as she ricocheted his banter.
"Know I want you to kiss me. And I'm not asking." Daisy smiled in an way that no sane man could refuse.
"You got it." Jason said.
They both learned in close and kissed. And kiss they certainly did. They both had put their hands on the sides of their faces as they continued kissing enthusiastically.
Jason had thought that they'd been kissing for an entire minute, maybe longer. But eventually they had stopped kissing.
And something extraordinary happened. Jason was finally able to say those three simple words. Those three words that had been eluding his lips for far too long now.
"I love you." He said to Daisy.
"I love you too. Buddy." Daisy smiled.
"And you are right about what you said. " Jason said.
"Oh? And what was that might I ask?" She smirked at him.
"Fuck normal." Jason said to her.
This caused both of them to burst out into laughter.
(End Of Flashback)
/
After that terrible memory that had a happy ending had ceased, Jason saw that it was getting darker outside as the sun began its descent under the horizon. He stood up and opened the sliding glass door and headed back inside.
Closing the door behind him, Jason walked into the living room. In the living room there is a old and shiny bronze clock hanging over the television.
The clock had once belonged to Daisy's mother. Daisy's mom had bought the clock at an antique store, and had given it to Daisy for her birthday.
Jason liked Daisy's parents. He had met them a couple times over the duration of his and Daisy's relationship. They always were very courteous with Jason. It never seemed like they didn't disapprove of Jason and Daisy's relationship, even though they both knew that Jason was Grant's brother.
Something had just occurred to him out of the blue.
He walked into their bedroom and opened up his sock drawer.
Jason and Daisy had divided the bedroom closet and their dresser so that both of them had their own storage for their various clothing. And they've kept in the same for so long now, that they instinctively knew which side was who's.
Jason pulled open his sock drawer.
And in the very back, Jason had hidden a little black velvet covered box.
A box that contained an engagement ring studded with a gleaming sapphire.
One day… he wanted to give it to Daisy. To ask her to marry him.
But when will that day come? Should we even get married? It's not like anything about our relationship would change other than Daisy's last name.
Even though he knew that Daisy didn't have any reason to go through one of his dresser drawers, he still thought that he might want to move the ring box to a less frequented place.
Picking if the ring box, Jason walked over to the their bedroom closet. Opening the doors, he studied the mostly empty top shelf.
The only thing up there was a shoe box that contained some steel toed boots that Jason had hardly ever worn. He thought that this shoe box would be as good a place as any to hide the ring.
The shelf was several inches taller than the top of Jason's head so he couldn't see the top of the shelf even if he stretched in his tip toes.
Rummaging around he found the box with the leather boots inside of them.
But his left hand had come into contact with something that he hadn't ever noticed before.
Stretching his arm, Jason grabbed the unknown object.
When he pulled it down, he saw that it was an old and dusty nylon CD holder.
He brushed off the excess dust, and immediately recognized this memento from his past.
This was… Grant's.
Jason frantically unzipped the case. The blackened metal of interlocking squares on the zipper's track sang as they pulled apart.
The case opened up with both halves in each of Jason's hands, resembling an opened book. It's contents including CDs of the genre of music that Jason remembered his older brother being fond of.
Immediately, Jason recognized every single CD. He had seen them before, years ago.
(Lifestylez ov da Poor & Dangerous) By Big L.
(It was Written) By Nas.
(Blackout!) By Method Man & Redman.
(The Marshall Mathers LP) By Eminem.
(Live and Let Die) By Kool G Rap.
(The Blueprint) By Jay-Z.
And a myriad of other albums by some of the most lyrically skilled rappers of the late 1980's, 1990's, and early 2000's.
Grant always loved his rap music. No matter how much it would embarrass me and Riley every time he blasted it through his car's speakers as he drove us to school.
Looking through his brother's CD collection, Jason couldn't help but to smile. Nostalgia came back to him.
Jason heard the front door to the house open off in the distance.
"I'm home." Daisy said in a sing-song voice.
"Oh hey. I'm in the bedroom." Jason responded loud enough for Daisy to hear.
Jason had completely forgotten about the ring box laying visible on the shelf. He quickly threw the nylon CD holder onto the bed and rushed over to the closet.
With absolute professional speed and accuracy, Jason shoved the ring box inside one of the boots, and closing the lid of the shoe box and pushing it back to the corner that it had been in.
He quickly but silently closed the sliding closet doors. He spun around and booked it to the bed. Jason then sat down and made himself appear to have been studying the nylon case for quite some time.
Jason looked up as he watched Daisy walk into the room.
"What do you got there… oh… you found it." Daisy said as she noticed Jason looking at Grant's CD collection.
"Oh… uh yeah. I was just looking at my old pair of my boots, thinking about if I wanted to get rid of them, and then I found this." Jason responded.
"It was… Grant's. But, you already knew that." She said in a mono tone and matter of fact way.
"Yeah." Jason answered simply as he looked down at the CD holder. He flipped through the variety of hip-hop CDs.
Jason felt the mattress flex and shift as Daisy sat down with him. The old CD holder laying in between the two of them. They didn't say anything for a few seconds. Jason couldn't think of what he should say. And Daisy probably couldn't either.
"That's the only thing I still have that belonged to Grant." Daisy said.
Jason had no idea if she had been looking at him when she said it, as Jason's eyes were still fixated on the CD holder.
After Grant's death was made official, his apartment had been relisted on the open market. After Grant's property was removed from the apartment. Jason's mother had taken everything that belonged to her dead son, and put them in storage. Jason hadn't even been there the day that she had surveyed through Grant's things. Jason just couldn't find the courage to help his mom as she had organized and took over Grant's belongings. Grant didn't have very much personal property at his apartment, so it shouldn't have been a long process.
But it was most likely a painful one. For his mother.
Grant hadn't been living with Daisy, he only had spent the night over at her house every now and again while they were dating.
Somehow, Grant's prized CD collection had ended up with Daisy.
"Grant had left this at my house before we went on our Asian vacation. He didn't want someone breaking into his car and stealing them." Daisy said.
Jason continued to stare at the CD holder. All he could think about was how much he missed his brother.
"He actually said that if someone hot wired his car and stole it, at least he would still have his CDs." Daisy said with a chuckle.
That story made Jason chuckle too. "Yeah, that sounds like Grant alright."
Jason picked the holder up with his right hand and sat it in his lap. He flipped back and forth through the various CDs.
"You want to hear something that he would do that always embarrassed me and Riley?" Jason asked her.
He even felt himself grin as he remembered all the times riding in the car with Grant back before Jason had a driver's license.
"Tell me." She said.
"So, Grant loved blasting his rap music with the windows rolled down. I would always be so crazy embarrassed when he would drop me and Riley off at our high school. He'd roll up outside the school's entrance in the morning bumping his obnoxious rap music. Me and Riley-" Jason laughed. "We would always get out of his truck as fast as we could, because we thought that the fast we moved, the less people would notice us. Two white suburban guys getting out of a car blasting rap music, made us almost die of embarrassment." Jason laughed again when he finished.
He looked up to she Daisy smiling and giggling.
"Oh my god! You poor boys." Daisy laughed.
"Oh, you don't know the half of it." Jason responded. He then chuckled some more.
After they settled down, Jason wanted to ask Daisy something.
"So, why'd you keep this." Jason asked.
Daisy's smile turned to a thoughtful frown.
"Because it was the only thing that I have that he owned. I just couldn't get rid of it. I wanted to give it to you someday, but I kept putting it off. I know how much you miss him, and I do too. So I guess… it was just easier for me to forget that it existed." Daisy said sniffling.
Jason saw that she wasn't crying, but looked like she was pretty close.
Daisy averted her gaze from Jason for a quick moment.
She misses him too. She may have been in love with me, but I know that she was in love with Grant too.
These last two years, I've been so preoccupied with my depression over Grant's death, that I hadn't even considered how much Daisy is still hurting over it.
Daisy looked back at Jason and gave him a sad smile.
"Sorry, but this will sound weird, but, I'm glad that you're talking about him. I've barely heard you even mention his name let alone talk about him in almost two years. And I can just tell that you, remembering the good times that you had with your brother... they are helping you." She said.
"Yeah…" Jason sighed. "I haven't really ever talked about him much in the last two years. Have I? But I still think about him. Every day. And I've never stopped thinking about him."
"Yeah. Me neither. I think about him every day too." Daisy told him. "He was such a good guy."
"One of the best." Jason responded.
Jason reached his right hand out and took a hold of Daisy's left hand. This caused her to look into his eyes meaningfully.
"But today was the first time in two years that I thought about the good times me and Grant had together." Jason told her as he smiled.
He continued. "Today, I didn't just remember Grant dying as he bled out in my arms like I so every single day. But after all this time, I actually remembered the happy memories. I guess that I haven't ever talked about him because maybe I blame myself for his death, and every time I think about him, the only thing that I see is him dying in my arms, and there wasn't anything that I could do to save him as much as I wanted to."
Daisy was silent. She probably was trying to let him vent his thoughts out uninterrupted.
Jason continued. "Today is the first time that I've smiled or chuckled as I remembered Grant. Just seeing all of his Hip-Hop records brought back embarrassing but happy memories. And I don't want to remember him in his last moments. I want to remember him as the great man and great older brother that he was. And I'm hoping that today I can start the process of getting over my depression whenever I think about Grant. And instead, only feel happiness when I think about him."
"And that's how you should remember him. You should remember him not as you saw him in that horrible moment, but all the good times before. That was your brother. That was Grant." Daisy gave wise words.
Daisy put her other hand on top of Jason's hand, sandwiching his right hand between her own.
"I'm going to get out of these scrubs. But you can keep talking to me if you want." Daisy said with an uplifting smile.
She got up and let Jason's hand slip out of her grasp.
As Jason watched Daisy removed her work clothes, stripping down to her underwear, Jason continued to tell funny stories about Grant.
Daisy couldn't help but laugh when she heard a particularly hilarious story that Jason told from when they were kids.
I haven't been this genuinely happy in long time.
It's been far to long.
And Daisy is absolutely right. I have far more happy memories of Grant than I do bad ones. So why should I keep remembering Grant as he was I his last moments?
No… she is right. Fuck that bad memory.
That wasn't my brother.
My brother was more than that. I have to remember him that way.
I have to.
I just have to.
Daisy was now completely nude as she looked through her side of the dresser to pick out her pajama clothes.
She continued to listen to Jason tell her whatever ridiculous story about Grant that popped into his head first.
After Daisy put on an old white t-shirt and soft grey pajama pants, she told Jason to hold onto that thought and that she would be right back.
After a quick couple of minutes, daisy came back with two bowls of ice cream, handing one to Jason.
For several hours that night, Jason and Daisy did nothing but sit down eating ice cream and telling each other a bunch of funny stories that they remembered about Grant.
Laughs and smiles filled the rest of their night before they had fallen asleep.
No sadness.
No more mentioning bad memories.
Just reminiscing over all the good times that both Jason and Daisy had with Grant.
It only took two years, but on that night, Jason felt happiness when he thought of his brother.
He'll always miss him. Grant is gone, and Jason can't do anything to amend that.
Grant will forever be with Jason.
If not there physically, he will be there in Jason's memories.
In his good memories.
/
(To Be Continued)
Review me how ever you want.