Now and Forever
Chapter 18
Mike was stressed about Christine's pregnancy, but he was also terrified to be a father again. It was rough with the girls at times because there were huge gaps of time that he had missed. He adored them but was overwhelmed. And now they were adding another baby into the mix.
He wouldn't leave because he didn't want to add to Christine's stress level, but he knew she knew about him being so overwhelmed. And…worse yet, Hannah had figured it out and thought that it was because Mike didn't want to be there anymore. She was hard to deal with.
After a particularly rough evening with her, Mike crawled into bed next to Christine, who was looking at a baby name book. He disguised a sigh but pulled her close and kissed her neck.
"Mike…we can't do this. This tit for tat. I'm not sure what is going on but its like you can't stand the idea of having a baby and Hannah has picked up on it. I just don't remember you being like this before. You always loved when the kids were small." Christine said.
"I suppose I am still scared." Mike answered.
"I get that. Mike, you are an amazing husband and father. I have no doubt that you will love this baby. I am just concerned your hesitancy is going to affect your relationship with Hannah." Christine said.
"I don't know how to fix it." Mike admitted.
"I do. I'll talk to her. In the meantime, seem interested in the baby. She's afraid you'll abandon us. She is pulling away in fear that you will. It would hurt less. Now, I know; you won't. Even though you are terrified of this baby, when it comes down to it, you will be a good dad to him or her." Christine said.
"I'm just scared of it…not diapers and dropping him or her like I was when Katie was born. That seems very minor now." Mike remarked.
"Let me see your hand?" Christine asked. Mike gave her his hand and she put it on her abdomen. He was rewarded with a firm kick. It made him smile in response.
"Seems so early." Mike said.
"It's a bit but he or she is making themselves known. It started about dinnertime. I just wanted it to be me and you." Christine replied. Mike gave her a long kiss. Mike's hand was still on her stomach.
"Thank you." Mike answered.
"You're welcome. Now, do you remember what it was like when I was pregnant with Hannah? You had a firm grip on being a dad by the time she came along. And she had you wrapped around her little finger. Much like Katie still does and Lucas did. I think a lot of this fear has to do with Lucas. And…I'm scared too, but this baby deserves us to be the parents he or she needs." Christine said.
"I…hope it's a girl." Mike said.
"I've been hoping for a boy so we'll see. My point is…seem concerned about me and this baby. Nothing major. Hannah is a mama's girl and she is probably terrified that you are going to leave me high and dry." Christine said.
"I wouldn't have ever done that." Mike said.
"I know but she doesn't. You just have to prove that you're going to stay." Christine answered.
"I am." Mike replied before giving her another long kiss. She settled into his arms and laid her head on his chest.
The next morning, Christine was off and Mike left the house because she needed some stuff for some baking she was doing. He picked up the requested items and as he walked through the store; he found a onesie. It was a soft green and would work for a boy or girl. On the feet, there were little bears. Mike immediately threw it in the cart and also picked up a tiny teddy bear that the baby wouldn't play with until it was at least six months old. But, he put it in the cart as well.
He got home and headed into the house where Christine and Hannah were baking. He winked at Christine before pulling the onesie and teddy bear out. She gave him a smile.
"Those are adorable and will work for a boy or girl!" Christine said.
"I thought so. I also got some of those peppermints you said were helping you with the morning sickness. It looked like you were getting a bit low this morning." Mike said.
"Oh, yes. Thank you." Christine replied. He kissed her cheek and smiled at the way she was still holding the teddy bear. Hannah had picked up the onesie and was looking at it.
"Will the green work for a girl if it's a girl?" She asked quietly.
"It'll be just fine. I'm thinking it might be his or her 'coming home' outfit." Christine said.
"We could wait to find out if it's a boy or girl? That would be fun." Mike remarked.
"Wouldn't it be harder?" Hannah asked.
"To buy things, yes. But its not impossible." Christine answered.
"But what about names?" Hannah asked.
"We could all make a list of the names we like and your mom and I could choose the one that fits the best. Even you and Katie can make a list. Pick both boy and girl names." Mike said.
"Seems fun to me." Christine replied.
"I could pick out a name?" Hannah asked.
"Yes, it could be in the running. Of course, your mom and I would have veto power." Mike said.
"Okay." Hannah said. She seemed a little lighter. Mike squeezed her arm as he passed by, glad she was at least communicating. Maybe Christine was right after all.