My second RivaHisu story. This took rather a bit longer to write than I expected because I was never happy with the middle portion of the story. I'm not sure how many times I rewrote it, and I don't think I'll get any happier than with what I ended up with.
Please enjoy.
Levi stepped unsteadily out of the modest little carriage that had been sent for him. As he adjusted his footing, he made sure to grab hold of the door handle with one hand while supporting himself on his cane with the other.
Feet securely planted on the dirt road after the long ride in the cramped carriage from the southern harbour, he was finally met with an equally humble sight: The Queen's Orphanage.
It was a new one. Smaller than the others he had helped her create before the war. The modest structure was surrounded by trees and greenery, exuding that familiar sense of warmth which Historia had aimed for with each and every orphanage. Even in his long absence, it would appear the young queen hadn't been idle when it came to helping the island's orphans.
No doubt many more of them had emerged since the war. It wasn't only the continent that had seen untold numbers of dead.
Like the queen, Levi had kept himself busy these past few years, waiting for his chance to come home. With no small amount of help from Onyankopon, Gabi, and Falco, he'd done what he could for the children left without any family in the wake of the Rumbling.
It was strange. Despite his rough temperament and cold demeanour, children seemed drawn to him for some reason. He'd first noticed it while helping Historia build her orphanages years ago, and it had happened again on the continent. But more than that, he was, to his mild horror, naturally good with them. This had come as a surprise to everyone, though none more so than him. He'd never been entirely certain about children, which was why building orphanages had been a big undertaking for him. He'd always thought of children - when he thought about them at all - as something between animals and people. He understood babies. You put milk in one end and cleaned the other end. Adults were even easier because they did the feeding and cleaning themselves. But in between those two was a world of experience he had never had much chance to really inquire about until he was already in the middle of it.
He felt a bit bad for leaving the kids on the continent, but he knew they would be in good hands with the others.
Besides, he had something more important to return to.
It had been a long three years since he left Paradis. It had been even longer since he'd last seen the queen, who had since given birth to a daughter.
Their daughter.
A secret known only to a few to protect Historia and their child from their own people.
At first, they'd kept their relationship secret so it wouldn't seem like the Survey Corps was making a power grab by having humanity's strongest soldier get close to the queen. When it became clear Historia had become pregnant with his child, they had to suppress that fact to protect the baby. A child of royal and Ackerman blood… Levi dreaded to imagine what might have happened to the child if the wrong people knew.
None of that mattered anymore, though. The Survey Corps was all but absolved, and titans were gone from the world. There was nothing special about Eldian blood anymore. That should have been the end of it.
But Levi had betrayed the island.
It was perhaps more important now than ever for him to keep his relationship with Historia a secret. To keep both her and Ymir safe.
Ymir…
He'd only heard of his daughter in the occasional letter Historia managed to get through to him, and those had been few and far between.
They had never gotten around to talking about names for the baby. They'd never really found the time to do so after realising she was pregnant amid all the uncertainties and intrigue that had been going on at the time. There had also been a degree of guilt involved because the only reason Historia had become pregnant in the first place was as a ploy to prevent the military from turning her into a titan to make use of her royal blood through Eren. Neither of them had had the motivation to think about such things as names when the entire pregnancy was treated like a political tool. And when the time for their child's birth finally came, Levi was away fighting on the continent to save the world.
The first he ever heard of his daughter's name was in Historia's first letter to him about a year after he'd left Paradis. Historia had made sure to describe their child with all her features in that letter, but Levi had found himself unable to picture any of it in his mind's eye while reading it.
He recognised the name, though. Not as in Ymir the Founder as no doubt the rest of Paradis' population thought, but as in Historia's friend from the Cadet Corps. Her first love.
The one that never came to be.
Although both Historia (or Krista as she had called herself back then) and Ymir had joined the Survey Corps together, he had never met or seen the girl. Or if he had, he couldn't remember her.
Some people might have had issues with their partner naming their child after a previous lover, but Levi had no such qualms or cheap insecurities. Levi and Historia had spoken at great lengths about this and many other personal matters during the years in which they had bonded with one another and grown close themselves. Historia had told him everything about Ymir in the quiet evenings during their time while working together on the orphanages, and he had told her of his own loved ones who were long gone. He knew their story. It made him almost feel bad for not remembering the girl. He certainly didn't begrudge Historia wanting to commemorate her closest friend and missed love in this way, especially when he'd been away for so long without any easy way to get in touch or any assurances beyond his empty promises that he would return to her.
Empty promises no longer.
Injured as he'd become, Levi needed crutches to move, or at least a walking stick. He'd been confined to a wheelchair in the aftermath of the war, but had thankfully been able to move away from that cumbersome piece of shit after having had to rely on it for way longer than he'd been comfortable with. But even though his leg had gotten much better than it was, he still needed to take constant breaks by sitting down to rest his throbbing knee.
He didn't regret for a moment sacrificing his body in this way. Not when it meant he was able to save Connie's life and help carve their way to victory. However hard-earned. It was part of his duty as humanity's strongest .
However, he often found himself exasperated and indignant at how bloody weak he had become. But with the fighting over, there's no need for humanity's strongest soldier anymore—not that he would be welcome, anyway.
Not after he helped kill Eren.
His leg spasmed. He brought his free hand down to massage it, a tightness set in his already rigid jaw.
Even three years on - going on four, and having seen the gruesome aftermath of Eren's actions on the continent, Levi still hadn't really been able to fully come to terms with the boy he'd sacrificed so much to protect, much less the young man he'd become in the end.
Despite his promise to never again regret any decision he made again, no matter how painful the outcome was, Levi still felt conflicted and not at all sure how to even start making sense of his thoughts and feelings. So he did what he always did in these circumstances: he tried not to think about it. He pushed it away to the recesses of his mind to be dealt with another day - or not at all.
Unlike him, Armin and the rest of his old squad, along with the surviving Marleyan Warriors, were much more proactive in facing the consequences of their actions. Ever since the situation on the continent had somewhat stabilised, they'd gone to work fostering a peaceful mindset toward the Eldians on Paradis. And now they had returned to the island to do the same with the people here, still terrified of retaliation after the failure of the Rumbling.
He hoped Armin's quest for peace was as successful as it was hopeful. But as for him, he was retired.
Limping down the little dirt path toward the new orphanage, Levi saw a sight that made a lump form in his throat: Historia walking out the front door carrying a crate in her arms.
He stopped, unsure of how to proceed. It had been years since they'd seen one another… Was he still welcome?
He didn't have to worry for long. Noticing a person approaching, Historia looked up the road where he was standing. It took her barely a moment to recognise him and start running up the path, the crate she'd been carrying crashing unceremoniously to the ground and spilling its contents.
He'd arrived a couple of months after the others had, not wanting to make an even bigger scene by announcing the return of Captain Levi - humanity's strongest soldier and traitor to all Eldians. And of course, she couldn't meet him at his arrival at the docks for fear of it being discovered.
Seeing the state of him, and that he was leaning a lot of his weight on the cane in his uninjured hand, Historia managed to stop herself from seemingly wanting to throw herself at him in a desperate embrace. Instead, she came to a halt in front of him after having run the whole way from the house and gave him a gentle hug after a moment of hesitantly looking him up and down trying to figure out what to do. Despite the restrained tenderness of her touch, Levi could feel the longing coursing through her.
It made Levi's fears melt away.
"I've missed you," she said in a thick voice.
Levi returned the hug with his free hand. It felt good to have her pressed against him again after so long.
"You dropped your stuff," he replied. He knew it was a stupid first thing to say to her, but he didn't know what else to say. Not after being absent from her for four years.
Historia laughed, though it was more a shaky exhale of air than the pearly laughter he was used to hearing from her.
"It's just potatoes," she said, still pressing her face into his neck. "I was just bringing them to storage."
Finally, Historia untangled herself from the embrace. She took the time to have a better look at him.
She'd known about his injuries from the one letter he had managed to smuggle from the continent to the island, both what he sustained from the thunder spear that exploded in his face and his leg getting shattered during the final battle. Armin and the others would have told her about it as well when they arrived for their peace mission, no doubt. But Levi knew that hearing about something and seeing it in person were two different things entirely.
It hurt far more to see it in person, and the reality of his injuries were painful to take in. He needed no more proof of that than the dampness in her eyes.
With a couple of stray tears rolling down her cheeks, Historia cupped his cheeks and guided him over for a soft kiss.
"Welcome home," she whispered against his lips, a slight tremble in her voice.
Levi remained quiet for a moment. He'd never been good at moments like these and didn't want to say something idiotic again. He felt quite the fool enough already.
"I'm back," he eventually decided, for want of better words.
Historia smiled tearfully at him. She leaned in for another kiss, still cupping his face. Levi was happy to let her, moving his lips against hers in slow, tender movements.
When she broke away this time, she threw a look over her shoulder.
"Levi, there's someone I want you to meet," she said, sniffing her nose and wiping her eyes. The raw emotion in her voice took on a more hopeful cadence.
Levi looked up. Behind her, he saw a man walking slowly up the dirt track to where they were standing. He was holding a child in his arms.
Levi's heart began to beat harder when it hit him who it was. The only one it could possibly be.
He couldn't quite place the awkward feeling that ran through his chest. Was it nervousness?
Guiding him by his injured hand, the two of them slowly made their way down the path to meet the approaching pair. As they drew nearer, Levi recognised the man carrying the child as the one whom Historia had chosen as her pretend husband. The one who'd tormented Historia during her formative years, throwing stones and insults from the other side of the fence. The one who'd later regretted his actions and offered to help Historia in any way he could. Levi had met him once, shortly after Historia became pregnant, but could not recall the bastard's name.
Levi noticed the way the child he held in his arms clung to his neck, though, and it made his stomach lurch uncomfortably.
"Levi, I'd like you to meet Ymir - your daughter," Historia said as they took the last few steps to meet the young farmhand with the little girl in his arms.
"Ymir, look," she continued, her voice growing thick with emotion again. "It's your father. He came home, just like I promised he would."
The farmhand smiled as he nudged the little girl resting her head on his shoulder. Ymir turned her head to first look at her mother with slightly tired eyes, probably just having woken up from a nap. Levi could tell the child was curious about what her mother was talking about from the inquisitive look that emerged in her eyes.
Levi felt things go wrong before the panic actually materialised on Ymir's curious face. He felt her scream before she even opened her mouth.
One look at his face was all it took for Ymir to become frightened and begin to cry. With fat tears rolling down her cheeks, she hid her face in the other man's neck, clutching tightly at his shirt collar.
Not moving a muscle, Levi stared stone-faced at how his daughter desperately sought the comfort of the young man in front of him.
With a panic of her own setting in, Historia sprung to her daughter's side.
"Ymir, Ymir, shhhh, darling. It's papa." Her voice now carried a tint of horrified desperation to it. "It's alright, sweetheart. He's your papa. Remember how much you've been looking forward to meeting your papa?"
It was no use. Ymir pressed her face deeper into the crook of the young man's neck and shook her head at Historia's pleading. Her terrified screams seemed to bring Historia close to breaking down herself.
Levi remained stiff and motionless, a nasty feeling in his chest.
In the end, the young farmhand had to take Ymir away to calm her down.
Levi still hadn't moved or said anything since the screaming started. He did his best to maintain a blank, neutral look on his face, but that had hurt much more than he'd expected it to. He had expected something of a reaction out of Ymir, considering how he looked, but not to this extent.
Historia was fussing next to him.
"Don't worry, Levi. It's fine," she tried to reassure him. Like him, Historia was putting on a brave face, but he could tell she was struggling not to cry.
"She's still so young. She doesn't understand what's going on. She just… She just needs time to adjust. You'll see."
Levi didn't really hear any more of Historia's words of comfort, though. Instead, he stared stoically at the farm boy's retreating back and how he comforted his crying daughter.
The sun was setting when Historia came out to join him on the porch. Things had been somewhat tense after the whole ordeal with Ymir earlier that day, and Levi hadn't known what to do with himself, simply sitting down on one of the chairs placed against the orphanage wall. Historia had quickly gathered herself from the panic she'd experienced at Ymir's reaction, but she, too, had been uncertain of what to say or do.
Levi really felt the amount of time he'd been away now. It had been so effortless for the two of them to talk to one another before he left, no matter how personal or difficult the subject. Now, there was an unmistakable feeling of distance between them, where neither was sure how to behave.
It was completely understandable that it would be like this. A lot of time had passed, and many things had changed in both their lives. He'd known before arriving here that there was bound to be some awkwardness as they got used to being around each other again.
But like Levi had thought about earlier, experiencing it was so much harder than just anticipating it.
There were two orphans living here who'd recognised Levi and were happy to see him again. They'd brought over the other children who lived here to introduce him and had naturally been surprised at his scarred appearance, but none of them had reacted so violently as Ymir had.
He had to remind himself that the two orphans had known him before he left, and they had already told the other brats living here about him before they came over to greet him. The youngest one of them was six years old, besides. Ymir wasn't even four yet, and she'd never seen him before. He had no portraits or sketches made of himself, and he'd not been able to find one of those cameras they had on the continent after the Rumbling to send home a picture of himself with the one letter he managed to get through to Historia.
It was no wonder the little girl was terrified by his face.
"Levi?"
Historia's voice cut through his musings, finally speaking up after having just looked at him from the doorway for a minute or so, waiting to catch his attention.
He turned his head slightly toward her to let her know he was listening.
She spoke softly, "Ymir's been put to bed. Would you like to come in for some tea?"
She was hurting for him, bleeding heart that she was. He could tell from the tone of her voice and the look on her face that she was still deeply troubled by Ymir's reaction earlier in the day, and how silent he'd been after. Even after four years apart, she still understood how his mind and emotions functioned. This was her way of trying to comfort him.
Levi remained quiet for another moment before giving her a slow nod.
He reached for his cane, which he'd balanced against the wall, and got up, albeit with a bit of difficulty. There was a slight stumble when he got to his feet, and he let out a small groan when his knee protested after having been still for so long. The sight of him struggling to rise from his chair clearly tugged even further at Historia's heartstrings as she suddenly moved to his side to offer support. However, before she could grab him with her outstretched arms, Levi snapped:
"I'm fine!"
He immediately regretted it when she visibly flinched, and a miserable look cut across her face. She hadn't deserved that. She just wanted to help.
"I'm sorry," he said, this time more gently. "I'm sorry, Historia. I didn't mean that. I'm fine."
The anguished look fell away from her face, now replaced by a gentle, understanding expression.
"I know." She reached her hand out to him again. "Come on. Let's go inside."
Levi accepted her hand this time, and he didn't stop her when she moved closer to give him more support as they walked into the building. They entered at the same time as Historia's pretend husband came walking down the stairs.
"Ymir is sound asleep now," he said when he saw them. "I just finished checking on her."
"Thank you, Johan," said Historia. "I appreciate the help."
Johan. So that was the bastard's name. It rang a bell when he finally heard it after so long.
Johan gave them a doleful smile. He then locked eyes with Levi.
"I think I'll head to bed, as well."
"It's still so early," said Historia, puzzled. "I was just about to put the kettle on."
Johan's eyes went back to Levi for a moment before returning to Historia.
"Thanks, but I think I'll go to bed all the same. Give you two some space to talk."
Historia's eyes softened, and she offered him an equally soft smile.
Levi's stare at the boy hadn't changed during the whole exchange. He knew it unnerved him if his flickering eyes were anything to go by.
"Well, then." He cleared his throat nervously. "I'll leave you to it. Goodnight Historia." He offered Levi an uncertain, yet respectful nod. "Sir."
He looked taken aback when Levi extended his hand to him.
"Thank you," he said. "For looking after my family all these years." Levi had never been one to say things he didn't mean, nor dole out empty words just for the sake of it. He was nonetheless a little bit surprised to find that he was completely sincere in his gratitude to the young man who'd been here when he hadn't been.
Johan's surprise only lasted a second before he, with his lips set in grim determination, accepted the handshake. Levi noted with some satisfaction that the lad had a firm grip.
"Yes, sir. Happy to help, sir."
Still holding his hand, Johan seemed to consider something. The thin line his lips had been forming morphed into an apprehensive smile.
"You… you have a beautiful family, sir. I know Ymir will come around."
Levi's jaw tightened. He had nothing he wanted to say in reply to that but knew something was expected of him for propriety's sake. He gave a curt nod.
Maybe realising he had overstepped his bounds or become too familiar, Johan let go of Levi's hand. His nervous demeanour returned.
"I, erm… Goodnight." He turned back up the stairs and headed for his room.
Watching him leave, Levi felt Historia nudging at his arm - the one she'd been holding on to this whole time. He turned his head to see her soft smile.
"Come on," she said gently. "Let's get you that tea."
Levi grabbed his cane from where he'd leaned it against the wall and let her guide him to the kitchen, Historia firmly holding onto his arm the whole way before pushing him into one of the chairs by the kitchen table. She wasn't being forceful at all pushing him into the seat, but it was the sort of gentle urging which left no doubt about the consequences if he refused.
Despite her gentle nature, Historia could be quite scary when she wanted to.
Levi watched her move about the kitchen, turning his head to follow her movements. She kneeled to get the kettle out from the bottom shelf of the cupboard, then moved over to the sink to fill it with water. After placing it on the stove, she fetched a stool to reach the tea and cups from the top cabinet. Levi automatically asked if she needed any help.
Still standing on top of the stool, Historia turned her head to look at him across her shoulder. He'd missed the sight of her smile these past years.
"It's just tea," she said, her voice edged with the sort of patience one gets from working with children. He wasn't sure if he should feel insulted that she was using that voice on him. "I may be queen, but I can handle that much on my own."
Though she spoke easily there was still a stiffness to her movement. It hadn't left her since Ymir panicked at his visage.
Levi nodded, a sense of unease remaining in his body.
Historia stepped off the stool with two cups in hand and placed them on the table. The water was beginning to heat up now if the slight whistling of the kettle was anything to go by. The two of them sat in silence after Historia filled up the teacups, waiting for the tea to steep.
Levi didn't mind silences; he usually preferred them, but not like this. He was finally reunited with Historia after four long years apart. He wanted to talk to her; he wanted to hear her voice as she carried the conversation like before he had left, catching up on all their lost time. But the ugliness from earlier in the day still seemed to hang over them like a black cloud.
Levi decided to alleviate his uncomfortableness by taking a sip of his tea when he deemed it had steeped for long enough.
The cup slipped and shattered on the floor. Having forgotten about his missing fingers, Levi had picked up the cup with his injured hand. He'd barely managed to lift the cup to his chest when he lost his grip. Levi let out a string of frustrated curses.
Historia sprung to her feet.
"Are you alright? You didn't scald yourself, did you?"
"Fine," he growled. "Fucking shitty hand!" Some of the hot liquid had splashed up his trouser leg when the cup hit the floor, but it had mercifully not landed in his lap.
"It's fine," she assured him. "I'll clean it up."
"I can do it myself."
"Sit back and relax, Levi. You need to rest."
"I'm not a fucking invalid!" he seethed, feeling an angry throb in his injured knee. It only added to his growing frustration. He knew he was taking his anger out on her again, but it was difficult to stop when he first got going.
He felt her smaller hand placed on top of his. It offered a gentle and reassuring pressure.
"I know you're not." The soft, yet melancholic look in her eyes doused the frustration burning in him. "But that doesn't mean you can't sometimes let me worry about you or take care of you. I'm still your partner, aren't I?"
Levi grimaced. The guilt hit him with more force than he was prepared for. It was the uncertain way she'd asked him if they were still lovers after all these years away from each other. He'd been wondering the same thing, though he hadn't wanted to voice that traitorous thought out aloud.
He nodded.
"Besides," she said with a bit more cheerfulness. "Didn't you yell at us enough times during training to listen to our bodies and pay attention to what we were capable of doing so we wouldn't injure ourselves?"
The gentle chiding and the expression on Historia's face made the last bits of frustrated stubbornness fade away. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he could tell that she needed to do this for him more than he needed to do it for himself.
He swallowed, forcing down the unease he'd been feeling in his bones this whole time, and nodded again.
He remained seated on the chair as she cleaned up the shattered pieces of porcelain, piling them in her bunched-up skirt. After she had ensured there were no more shards left on the floor to potentially injure the kids and having wiped up the spilt liquid, she declared she would get him another cup. Levi made sure to use his intact hand to pick the cup up this time so there wouldn't be a repeat of before.
"Are you hungry?" she asked after he'd taken his first sip. "I could make us some food? I'll make us some food."
She was up and moving again before Levi had a chance to protest. She pulled a loaf of bread out of the breadbox on the counter, along with some condiments.
Watching her at work, Levi once again felt an unease enter his body. After considering it for a moment, he recognised it for what it was: the feeling of not doing anything when there was something to be done. It was a feeling he'd been mostly unfamiliar with until he became injured.
"Need any help?" he ventured, but he was silenced by Historia, who threw him a sharp look over her shoulder. It softened almost immediately.
"You just came home after a long and exhausting journey. Please let me take care of you right now," she said. In a smaller voice, she added: "I want to."
Levi felt an unpleasant lump work its way up his throat. He swallowed again. Not really knowing how to reply to something like that, he just said a muted, "ok…"
She mustered a more peppy smile for him, along with a playful glint in her eyes. It reminded him of how she used to look at him before they parted ways. He felt his own lips twitch up into a sliver of a smile at the sight.
"Just because I'm queen doesn't mean I'm an invalid either," she said in a much more cheery voice, a hint of teasing to the lilt in her tone. "I know how to do domestic housework, and I've only gotten better at it since you've been away. Having to step up and take care of a baby brings about a change in a person."
And just like that, it was gone. The reminder of Ymir and how he hadn't been there for her - for them - returned to the forefront of his mind.
Historia noticed.
"It will take time," she said, her voice changing to a reassuring tone. "Ymir will get used to this eventually. She's not even four yet. She's not used to this."
"In hindsight, it's not surprising she reacted so badly to my face, considering how horrible I look now," he said with a snort. "As if I wasn't scary enough before."
He was making light of how he felt on the matter, but he wasn't sure what else to do. It would have been different if Ymir had grown up with him from birth and been used to his scars.
But he hadn't been there.
Feeling overwhelmed in a way he wasn't used to, Levi grit his teeth.
"Me just showing up like this was always bound to end badly."
"Levi…"
He tried to swallow the persistent lump in his throat, but it just wouldn't go. He hung his head, drained of energy.
"I'm sorry," he whispered hoarsely. "I'm sorry for not being there for you. For leaving you alone through the pregnancy. For not being there with you during the birth like a father should."
He clenched his hands into fists on his knees. His injured hand ached at the action.
"I'm a lousy excuse for a man," his voice cracked slightly, "no better than the scum in the Underground who knocks women up and throws them a coin, never to be seen again!"
Historia broke his tirade by taking his hand in hers. The injured one.
He hadn't even noticed her come up to him.
"You are better," she said with a kindness wholly undeserved. "You came back."
She brought his hand up her lips, planting soft kisses on the stubs of his missing fingers.
"I don't blame you for not being there for us. It was important that you left. If you hadn't, then we wouldn't have had a future. I would have been a puppet for Floch and his Jägerists. They would have killed me at the merest sign I was not on their side." She looked him in the eye. "And the same would have happened to Ymir."
Levi felt a surge of emotion rise up in him, but he willed himself not to cry.
"It's been years," he whispered, staring back into his lap. "You've been alone with only that stone-throwing bastard to help you and pretending to be your husband and Ymir's father. It wouldn't be unreasonable for you to fall in love during that time, even if it started as an act to protect Ymir."
That was in part how they had fallen in love with each other in the first place: simply spending time together because of circumstances that brought them together. Did she still want him, broken as he was, after all this time? Did she still need him?
He felt a small, soft hand cup his cheek. Historia guided his face to look at her.
"Johan may have been here playing the role of husband and father, but I've only ever wanted two people throughout my life." She smiled thoughtfully. "Well, three, after Ymir was born," she corrected.
Levi felt some of the pressure behind his eyes force their way through the barrier. He'd been as scared of this reunion as he'd been looking forward to it, dreading what he might find. The relief that his fears had been unfounded was almost overpowering.
"I've never stopped loving you, Levi. I always knew you would come back home, no matter how long it took or how arduous it would be." That playful little smile of hers returned. "Because when Captain Levi has a goal, he'll stop at nothing until he achieves it."
Still cupping his cheek, Historia brought him in for a kiss, one which Levi happily met.
"I love you," he said against her lips. He felt her giggle against his own before she broke the kiss to embrace him in a hug.
"I love you, too."
They remained like that for a long time, basking in the comfort of the other's presence.
"Would you like to see her?" she eventually said, the words whispered into his neck. "Would you like to see Ymir?"
She must have sensed his hesitation - his fear - because she quickly followed up.
"She'll be asleep. You can go see her without her freaking out."
After a moment of thought, his desire won over his fear. He nodded.
Levi left his cane behind in the kitchen and let Historia support his weight on her shoulder and guide him up the stairs of this unknown orphanage to where his daughter lay asleep. She wasn't as strong as she used to be when she was still in the military, but the small woman still had some strength in her.
The door to Ymir's room was surprisingly unremarkable, though he wasn't sure why he expected more. Maybe it was because she was a princess, but then he supposed Historia had never been a fan of the pomp and luxury that royal life had awarded her. She'd always felt much more at home in the simple shelters they'd built for the many orphans they'd taken in. And so had he.
Entering the room, Levi felt his heartbeat increase with each step they took toward the little bed at the opposite end. It was almost like his body was expecting another reaction from her like before, but sure enough, she was sound asleep as they stood over her.
They stood there quiet and still. For how long, Levi didn't know, but he was the first to break the silence.
"She's beautiful," he whispered. "She looks like you."
Historia giggled next to him, a soft and very comfortable sound which brought back happy memories from the past before everything went to shit.
"She's got some of your traits, too, you know. Her chin is all you."
"She looks more like you than she does me," he countered, "thank God."
Historia adjusted herself under Levi's arm to press her body better against him in a hug.
"Oh, I don't know. I really wouldn't have minded if she looked a bit more like you," she said, her eyes glinting mischievously in the darkness. "That way, she would have looked even more beautiful."
She was teasing him now. But after everything that had happened today, it actually felt good to be teased, which wasn't something Levi had ever expected to admit.
After another few seconds of just looking at their daughter's sleeping face, Levi untangled himself from Historia's supportive hug. After a bit of a struggle, he managed to lower himself to his knees, quickly shifting his bad leg so as not to put too much strain on it. He wanted to get a better look at Ymir's face.
She was somehow even prettier up close. She had the makings of a few faint freckles spattered across her nose and cheeks, almost invisible in the low light. Some stray strands of hair covered her face. Levi reached out to brush them aside, only to stop himself.
"You can touch her," Historia said while kneeling down next to him. She wrapped one arm around his waist. "Unlike you, she's a heavy sleeper."
Moving his hand forward the last few inches, Levi brushed the hair out of Ymir's face. His fingers brushed against her cheek as he did so. He brought his hand back to gently caress her face, admiring how soft she was.
Historia leaned her head onto his shoulder and smiled contently, clearly enjoying the moment.
"Soon we'll be able to enjoy moments like these when Ymir is awake, as well," she whispered. "She won't be scared of you forever. I know Ymir will eventually see you like I do: as the gentle, caring man you are beneath the rough and scary exterior."
When he didn't answer, she adjusted her head on his shoulder to glance up at him. She saw the far-away look on his face as he continued stroking his daughter's cheek.
"What are you thinking of, daddy ?"
She'd undoubtedly meant the paternal term to be loving and playful. A gentle teasing like she had just moments before, but it made him stiffen and his hand freeze on Ymir's cheek.
"What's wrong?" noticing the change in him, Historia grew concerned again.
Levi swallowed.
"I never imagined I'd ever become a father," he said in low tones. He wasn't sure if he was speaking so quietly because he didn't want to wake Ymir up or because of how uncertain this all made him.
"Even in all my previous relationships before I met you, I never once entertained the idea of parenthood," he continued. "It was just about the physical and emotional connection - the simple comfort two people could bring each other in that hellish life we led. Just stress relief." He turned his head to return Historia's gaze. "It was the same when I fell for you. I never expected anything more than mutual comfort between us."
Historia stayed quiet. She understood the significance of Levi talking this much about how he felt. He looked back at Ymir.
"Nothing changed when you told me you were pregnant. I don't think it actually registered, like it wasn't real. Even when I saw your stomach begin to swell, it didn't truly feel like I was about to become a father. It still didn't feel real when I received your letter telling me she'd been born or after the other letters where you were describing her growth."
Historia waited for him to continue. When it became apparent he wasn't going to, she asked:
"And what about now?"
Levi's brow creased.
"I don't know," he admitted. "For the first time in my life, I don't feel like I'm up to the task. You said that giving birth and taking care of a child brought about change in you. What if I can't change? I never had a father, and I barely have any memories of my mother when she was alive. How am I supposed to be anybody's father?"
"I never had any parents, either," she said without missing a beat. "Do you think I've done a bad job as a mother?"
Levi's head snapped to look at Historia. She'd removed her head from where it had been resting on his shoulder, and she was looking at him with a neutral expression.
"No!" he said. That wasn't what he'd meant at all. But before he could explain himself, she smiled again.
"You'll be perfect. I saw how you were with the orphans before you left. They adored you." She leaned back into him, pressing her cheek against his shoulder. "Even without any parents of your own to draw from, you'll just know how to be a good father, just like I instinctively knew how to be a mother. You'll be perfect ."
Levi pressed his face into Historia's hair and inhaled her scent. Its familiarity engulfed him, calming him down with its reassurance.
"Ymir will come around," she reiterated. "She's not even four yet, and it's a big change for her. She just needs time to grow used to you." She cuddled herself better against his side. "And then we'll be a real family."
Levi tightened his hold on Historia. He didn't know what he'd done to deserve her, but he wouldn't complain in case God realised they'd made a mistake.
"Ymir might be more comfortable with Johan right now, but we always made sure she knew he wasn't her father and that her true father would come back to us one day. And now you have. Ymir will understand that."
Levi sighed into her scalp. He knew she was right. Ymir was still so young, and children, he had learned, were nothing if not good at adapting.
Looking back at the sleeping face of their daughter, Levi felt a smile tug at his lips.
"Yeah. I'm home now. And this time, I'm not going anywhere.
A bit too much angst in this, which is probably why I struggled so much. It's difficult to get the balance right, and it was an eternal battle to try and get Levi especially to not feel too out of character. I have plans for a follow-up chapter which will be a lot less angsty, coming soon (tm). There will also be an additional chapter to Yuletide at some point.
Other than that, I've been outlining several other stories- They're mostly one-shots, but also a few multi-chapter stories, two of which I have written the prologues for just to give myself an idea of the feel I'll be going for with them. The struggle with them is that while I know what will happen to them, I have no clue how they'll end. I need to figure out their endings before I actually start posting such long-term projects.