Warning: This multi-chapter story will contain discussions on sensitive subjects such as depression, murder, and rape. If you think any of these topics might trigger you or are too depressing, then this isn't the story for you. Also, while this is established Babe, Stephanie, and Ranger are secondary characters.

Still dressed in this damn monkey suit, I sat at the table and stared into my glass of rum and coke while the celebration continued around me. I didn't feel much like celebrating. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled that my work partner and one of my best friends finally found the love of his life. After spending so many years living with the belief that he was broken and inadequate, he deserved to feel whole again.

The several worried glances he sent my direction, told me I'd caught his attention. The last thing I wanted to do was take away from his special day, but too many thoughts were running through my mind for me to find much enjoyment in the moment. I know it's been a couple of months since I had to take that kill shot, but Pfeiffer's death is still weighing heavy on me. It shouldn't, considering that the piece of shit didn't appear to give a second thought to the lives he ruined. Still, taking another life, even one as worthless as Pfeiffer's, always leaves my heart feeling heavy.

Regardless of how horrible Pfeiffer was, someone loved him, and someone is mourning him because I decided to place one life over another. Yes, I know I didn't have a choice. Madalyn had been through enough horrors before accidentally falling into all of the bullshit from the rehab scam. I also know that Pfeiffer needed to be neutralized, otherwise, he would have continued to rape, maim, and murder. None of that knowledge changed how I felt the moment I pulled the trigger and watched him drop to the ground.

For a moment I'd been worried that maybe Casey beat me to it. She's so sweet. The last thing she needed was to have to live with the knowledge that she'd taken a life. Thankfully, she never pulled the trigger, allowing me to shoulder the burden instead. After my time in the military, it was something I should be used to by now. It's just another black mark on the sniper's soul.

If Pfeiffer was my only issue, I might have been able to set him aside for the night, but sadly, he wasn't. Losing my mother was weighing heavy on my heart. Those last few weeks leading up to her death were pure torture. Honestly, I would have done damn near anything else, including taking her place, then have to sit by and helplessly watch her decline.

Cancer is such a cruel villain. By the time my mother took her last breath, she didn't look anything like the person I'd known and loved for three decades. I'm not sure what was worse, watching my mother suffer or seeing the tortured look on my father's face every day.

I know we were all relieved that she was finally out of pain, but the first time we walked back into the house my parents had shared for forty-three years, my father seemed so lost. That first night Dad chose to sleep on the couch instead of their bed.

The days immediately following her passing were difficult in a way I'd never experienced. Besides the obvious hole my mom's passing created, there were decisions to be made that none of us, in our various states of grieving, was prepared to make. Mom had never been one to care about presentation or looks. So, we all knew she wouldn't have cared what kind of wood the casket was made from or what material was used to line it. Mom's wish was to be cremated anyway. Ultimately, we did what was expected by her friends and the community Then, in keeping with her wishes, we had mom cremated.

So many people showed up for the viewing and the funeral service. People who hadn't seen my mother in years came to pay their respects. It was hard for all of us to stand next to Mom's casket and accept repeated condolences, sometimes from people we didn't know or remember, but it appeared to be especially rough on Dad.

If I didn't know better, I would have sworn that he aged several years in just those couple of days. Almost immediately following the funeral, my brother and sisters all bugged out, leaving me to keep an eye on Dad. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't even a little resentful. Maybe they all did have to get back to their jobs. Maybe they each needed the comfort of their own homes to help them through their grief, or maybe, they couldn't stand to see Dad looking so lost. Whatever their reasons, each of my siblings was quick to get the hell out of dodge.

Since I only had the standard Rangeman-issued one-bedroom apartment waiting for me, I hadn't been in any hurry to leave. Not only did I not have anything to return for…well, besides Lester and Casey's wedding…but I was also worried about how Dad would deal with an empty house.

I'd been prepared to take an extended leave of absence and stay with Dad. Considering the situation, Lester and Casey would have understood if I missed the wedding. Plus, there were plenty of men at Rangeman who could have stood in for me. Instead, Dad insisted I return in time for my best friend's wedding. After multiple assurances that he would be fine, I finally relented and headed back to Trenton.

I'm just going to throw this out there right now. Trenton, in winter, is about as bleak and dreary as it gets. The white snow in the city turns brown before the plow trucks are even parked. It's cold, and with daylight savings time, it gets dark so early, providing even more opportunities for criminals to hide in the shadows. You would think the cold would help to curb criminal activity, but I guess when you're high on your drug of choice, you're numb to the cold.

I was more interested in getting a different kind of numb tonight. So, I lifted my glass and took a sip of my third drink of the night. The two empty glasses sitting next to my half-full one helped me to keep count. If I had my way, I'd consume enough alcohol that, at least for the rest of this night, I could escape my feelings.

Lester slid into the empty seat beside me and gave my shoulder a gentle nudge. "You, okay?"

No way was I going to ruin his celebration by dumping my problems on him right now. Instead, I nodded. "I will be."

Several seconds passed and I could only assume he was deciding on whether or not to believe me. "You know," he began. "Under the circumstances, I would have understood if you wanted to stay with your father for a little longer."

I tried to paste on a smile for him as I answered. "I know, but Dad insisted I needed to be here. He said it would make me feel better to be involved in something happy."

"But you don't feel like celebrating," Lester asked.

I shook my head, then took another gulp of my drink. Thanks to my generous tip to the bartender, he'd gone heavy on the rum and light on coke for me in all three of my drinks. It had been a couple of months since I last drank, so I was already copping a good buzz.

"If you want to leave," Lester said, pulling my attention back to him. "I'll understand. All I ask is that you call an Uber and don't try to drive."

No matter how much I wanted to take him up on his offer, I wasn't going to bail on his wedding reception. There would be time after we sent them off for me to sneak away and find a local bar to finish my goal. Again, I shook my head. "I'm not bailing on my best friend's big day." With the glass still in my hand, I motioned toward the dancing crowd. "Besides, I promised Maddie another dance before the end of the night." Not that I wanted to be anywhere near her right now.

Again, don't get me wrong. She's beautiful, intelligent, and incredibly sweet, but she's also another reminder of that night that I don't need right now.

Lester chuckled at my answer as he motioned to the dance floor. "There are at least a dozen single men here who would be happy to dance with her in your place."

While most of those men were my Rangebrothers, they were also single and looking for a quick hookup. Maddie deserved better than being used to scratch an itch. "All the more reason for me to stay," I replied, then took another swig of my drink. "She's been through enough without some drunk, horny cretin pawing at her."

Lester arched a brow. "Some of those drunk horny cretins are your co-workers."

Feeling the effects of the alcohol, I lifted my glass in a toast to my brethren. "As I said, all the more reason for me to stay."

I set my glass back down while I tracked her movements. She was currently dancing with Tank. Whatever he said to her made her smile as she stared up at him. Why does he get graced with a genuine smile from her and all I get is an expression of remorse? Maybe it's not remorse. Maybe I'm a reminder for her the same way she's a reminder for me. I frowned at that thought. "Did you know, that today before the wedding, she pulled me aside to thank me for saving her life back in December?"

If I was still thinking this hard, I haven't had enough alcohol yet. I lifted the glass to my lips, then paused. My scowl deepened when I realized I could see the bottom of the glass. "As if there was any other choice," I grumbled.

"You're right," Lester said as he pulled the empty glass from my hand and replaced it with a full glass of water. "There wasn't another choice, but that doesn't mean it didn't cost you to do it."

He was right, but this wasn't the time or place for that discussion. I shrugged as I stared at the glass of water. "It always costs me a little when I have to take a life. That's part of the deal. Protect the innocent at all costs. What they don't tell you, until it's too late, is part of that cost is losing pieces yourself in the process." Damn, I hadn't meant to say that out loud. Maybe the alcohol was working after all.

The worried look on Lester's face deepened. This isn't at all what I wanted for him during his wedding reception. Maybe if I could reassure him, he'd drop the subject and return to Casey's side. Then I could make my way over to the bar for another drink. To placate him, I took a long sip of the water, then grabbed his shoulder with my free hand and squeezed. "I know you're worried. Don't be. I promise I'll be okay."

He nodded. "You know, I'm always here for you, right? So are the rest of the guys."

"I know," I said. "It means a lot, but tonight you need to be there for your bride."

His gaze tracked to where Casey was dancing to a faster song with Stella, Kristina, Manny, Junior, and Woody. She appeared to be enjoying herself, and I could tell by the expression on his face that he was once again feeling torn between me and his new bride.

After the Pfeiffer incident, Bobby and Tank insisted on staying with me. So, imagine my surprise when Lester showed up just a few minutes later. His sweet and caring woman insisted that he should come down to my apartment and stay with me for the night. When I tried to argue, he said Stephanie, Kristina, and Stella would be spending the night with Casey and Maddie. It ended up being a long, hard night and I'm not ashamed to admit that I was glad Lester was there to support me.

I nudged him. "Go. I promise that I'm not in any headspace where I'm gonna do something stupid, okay?" Getting drunk might fall into that category, but since I knew he was more worried about me offing myself, I rolled with it.

"Okay," Lester finally relented with a sigh. "But if you need anything-"

I waved me off. No way would I bother him on his honeymoon, but if I did fall into that headspace I'd go to Bobby, Ranger, or Tank. "I know and I will."

Lester stood, then patted me on the back. "Drink that water and stay away from the alcohol," he warned. I nodded again even as I mentally replied with a No promises. Then he returned to the dance floor.

I just needed to bide my time until everyone was seeing him and Casey off. Then I'd jet out. Knowing Ranger, he'd have Ubers parked outside on standby for any of us who drank too much. All I had to do was slip into one of them and direct the driver to take me to the nearest bar.

In the meantime, the least I could do was stop making my friend worry. That meant abandoning my spot at the table and joining in the festivities whether I felt like it or not.