Rambling and Dribbles: A dribble that I hope some enjoy.
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A/N: Most of this story has been taken down. You can find it on my main page as Don't Fear the Reaper.
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Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter does not belong to me.
Premise: Harry finds the 'power he knows not' after both Sirius and Hermione are killed in the DOM
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Don't Fear the Reaper
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July 28, 1996
London, England
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod, your staff give me comfort," Harry repeated.
It was all that he had been repeating for hours now. The priest had said it across the hall to a woman that had died shortly after.
He had been at the hospital for a day now.
"… the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil…" his whispers echoed in his ears.
He had been taken here yesterday after he had walked out before a lorry. God, it had hurt as he was hit, thrown before the vehicle, then rolled over. It felt like he had a few broken bones and ribs. His breathing had been laboured. He was welcoming the blackness of death… then it happened again.
While people were screaming and trying to get to him under the lorry, he could feel himself start to heal. A tear left his eye as he finally came to the realization that he couldn't die. This was the fifth time he had tried, and for the fifth time he found himself alive.
They had taken him to the hospital. He was covered in blood. Some of his bones were still broken and he couldn't breathe easily, but he was alive. Less than twenty-four hours later, he was sitting up and his body felt just about right again.
"… your rod, your staff give me comfort," he said for perhaps the hundredth time.
"Why do you keep repeating that?" a bushy hair girl asked from the chair near the window.
"…I fear no evil…" he replied. "Even though I walk through…"
She shook her head and went back to reading her book.
It was an hour later when a rather frantic Remus Lupin and Tonks found him. By then, his throat was so sore, he had stopped talking.
"Harry?" Remus said as he rushed into the room. "Dear Merlin. We found you. Tonks, let the Order know. Merlin, how are you?"
Harry just stared ahead. Hermione had left him a little bit ago. Not having her here had him feeling so empty.
"Harry?" Remus asked again, as though it wasn't the first time. He looked up to the man, his sunken, haunted eyes making the werewolf take a step back. "Are you alright?"
Tonks was now in the room looking at a metal box. "Remus, he was hit by a lorry and has some head trauma and a host of other injuries. How is he sitting up?"
"Have you taken care of the staff?" Remus asked.
"Yeah, but it would be better if Shacklebolt or Moody were here to help," she said. "Remus, he doesn't look good."
"I know. You take care of everything here. I'll get him to Hogwarts. Come on, Harry," Remus said, coming over to the bed to carry him away. Harry let his body go limp. He really didn't have anything to live for.
A while later Madam Pomfrey was talking silently with Remus, Professor Dumbledore and Mr Weasley.
"I can't find much wrong with him except he needs to eat more. All the wounds that were documented by the Muggle healers have mended themselves," Pomfrey was whispering.
"Why isn't he saying anything then? He just stared at that wall or the chair?" Mr Weasley asked.
"I don't know. His reactions are normal. He hasn't said a word to me. Did he say anything when you found him at the hospital?" she asked Remus.
"Nothing. I think sending him to Privet Drive was a mistake this year," Remus told Dumbledore.
"There was no better option. He needs his mother's protection until Voldemort is defeated or he turns seventeen," Dumbledore told them.
Hermione put her book down in her lap. She was sitting in the chair next to his bed. "They are very worried about you," she told him.
Harry didn't say anything.
"You should talk to someone," she encouraged.
"I can't die," he replied.
There was a sad look to her. "It's not your time, Harry. I think you should talk to them. You need someone."
"I can't die," he repeated. He had tried. God, he had tried. Drinking Bleach. Taking all his aunt's depression meds. Jumping before that lorry. Slitting his wrists. Trying to starve himself. "I can't die."
"I don't want you too. Not yet," Hermione told him.
"I don't want to live. Even though I walk through he valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for you walk with me; your rod, your staff give me comfort," he told her.
"It is not your time, Harry. You need to talk with people. Find someone you can confide in. Find someone you can love," she encouraged.
It hurt too much. He couldn't love again. "Even though I walk through the valley…"
He didn't notice the small group looking at him. "Who is he talking to?" Dumbledore asked with great concern.
Pomfrey shook her head. "I'm not sure he isn't in his right mind," she whispered back.
"It's a quote from the Bible. It's usually given in the Last Rights or when someone dies," Tonks said with fear.
"I told you that he shouldn't have gone," Remus said a little angrily.
"Can you not use a different line?" Hermione questioned. "There are other passages that hold more hope."
Harry couldn't think of any more fitting. "… of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for you walk besides me…" he stated, trying not to look at the hooded figure who stood on the other side of him. The spectre had been there for weeks. Hermione gave a 'help me' look to the figure.
"…your rod, your staff, give me comfort," Harry said.
"Poppy, what can we do?" Dumbledore asked, fear lacing through him. If Harry had lost the plot, what was he going to do to defeat Voldemort. The Prophesy was very specific, but there would be no hope of the boy surviving like this.
"Perhaps we could ask a mind healer?" Mr Weasley suggested.
"I will talk with Severus," Dumbledore said.
"I don't think you should. Harry was very upset with him last year," Remus told him.
"We cannot get St Mungo's involved in this," Dumbledore said.
"We should," Madam Pomfrey replied.
"Is it safe to trust them? You-Know-Who has been very active since the night at the Ministry. I don't know if we can trust anyone outside the Order at the moment," Mr Weasley said.
"I don't trust Severus with Harry in this state," Remus countered.
"There isn't another," Dumbledore said. "I also think that Harry and Severus were able to make a bond this past year during their occlumency lessons."
"I don't think you heard the same thing Sirius and I did," Remus told them.
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…" Harry repeated for the umpteenth time.
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That night…
Hogwarts, Scotland
Severus was stalking towards the hospital wing. He had been called back earlier in the day, but had still been tending to his Dark Lord. Potter had done some real damage that night of the DOM and Severus was just starting to get ahead of the rot in the homonculous that his Master called a body. Why the man decided to possess Potter he would never know, but the protections the Dark Lord thought he had absorbed during the ritual did not seem to hold anymore.
Now, instead of doing his duty, he had to sneak away for a few hours to pander to his other Master. Slamming the doors open, Poppy rushed out of her office. "What is the meaning… oh, Severus, you finally made it. Don't slam the doors like that when I have a patient," she lightly scolded him.
He rolled his eyes at her. "Where is he?"
"Just over there. I would be gentle with him. Potter doesn't seem right at the moment," she told him.
"Obviously," he sneered. "Otherwise I would not have been summoned."
"Severus, I mean it. He is still my patient and if you cause him any harm I will ban you from the infirmary," she warned.
Severus just frowned, then stalked off to a set of curtains that had been indicated.
When he threw them back, Potter was sitting up in bed. He was looking at the chair. "Why can't I come with you?" the boy asked. He was talking to nothing. "I don't want to be here anymore," Potter said in a whine.
Could the boy be anymore pathetic? "Right, Potter, no more pretending. What is wrong with you?"
Potter shifted to look at him. Severus hated the spawn of Potter, but even he was a little concerned to see the slightly emaciated look, his sunken eyes and the dull quality to the emerald orbs that usually held so much defiance like his father. Now, they just seemed to hold death.
After a moment, Potter looked back to the chair. "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…"
Severus had to supress a shiver. His mother had fallen into the Muggle's religion as she got older. He still felt at times that giving up her magic had led to the way their lives went.
Grabbing the boys chin, he pulled his face up to regard him. Potter didn't resist. All he kept doing was repeating that inane prattle. Perhaps Dumbledore had been right this time and Potter had finally gone round the twist.
A slight evil smile came over his face. He had never bought into the whole Boy-Who-Lived, finding the Potter boy to be a waste of time. Now it appears he had been correct for all those years. With a savage glee, he brought his wand up. Severus would like nothing else than to tell Albus the boy was a waste of flesh now. "Legilimens!"
He was immediately let into Potter's mind. There wasn't even the pitiful fight or barrier that had been there before. His glee at knowing the boy was so week was short lived. He broke in, but was surprised to find nothing.
Usually, Potter was a swirl of emotions. He thought about his friends. His pathetic godfather. The way his parents had sacrificed themselves. His classes. The way he felt when everyone mocked, criticized, or denigrated him. Snape particularly liked those memories. It was a fitting punishment for the son of his most hated rival.
None of that was here today. If the boy had cracked, he should have even less control than he had before. The blank plane of nothing that was before him was slightly disturbing. "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for he walks besides me," the voice in Potter's head said.
A chill ran through Severus.
"Why are you here?" a very familiar know it all voice said.
Severus turned to see the hated girl. He had toasted a cup of fire whiskey the night he found out that Dolohov had killed her. Looking at her, he sneered. She looked like she had in his last class, with a Gryffindor trimmed school robe, skirt and stockings. Potter must like the schoolgirl thing. Personally, it did nothing for Severus, having spent far too much time around annoying brats.
"Even in death Potter can't let you go," Severus said, hoping to get a reaction and to get beyond this desolate plane.
"I think you have it wrong, professor. It's not that he can't let me go, like you. It's that he longs to join me," she told him in a teacher's tone.
His sneered grew. "Don't lecture me, girl."
"I'm not, but I can tell you Lily Potter is not pleased with you, Sevie" she told him. "She is rather upset with you and so many that were supposed to take care of and look over Harry.
Severus paled some. Only Lily had ever called him that name. "How do you know that?" he hissed at her. This apparition in Potter's head was starting to get to him.
"You must know the Potter's connection with Death? He has allowed me to guide Harry, to keep him company until his job is complete," she said in a rather forlorn tone.
"Potter uses you as a guardian?" he asked with disdain.
The girl shook her head, her more curly hair from the last year flouncing around her head. "I am more his desires and conscience. That is his guardian," she said pointing behind him.
Severus snorted before turning. If this was the best Potter could do, then he should be able to break into the boy's inner mind quickly. When he turned, his eyes turned up. He involuntarily turned his whole head up to look up at a cloaked figure. In one hand the figure held a thick wand, almost a rod. In the other was a staff with a large, hooked blade on the top.
The malice coming off the thing had him stumbling back. It scared him enough that Severus tried to back out of Potter's mind. He felt a small tinge of panic take up in him when he couldn't leave. No one had ever kept him from retreating before.
"I'm sorry, professor, but Harry and his guardian are quite upset with you. He thinks you are part of why Sirius and I died. It is an anger I can't calm. Death wants its due as well. You really should have been more polite. I hope Lily has some compassion for you," Granger told him.
Severus turned to look at her truly regretful face before it turned hard and angry. "I will get out of here."
"I do have one question before Death decides your fate. Why did it take so long for Dumbledore and everyone to arrive at the Ministry?" she asked.
Snape thought he might finally have a way in. "Did you really think I would tell Dumeblore or the other right away? Black tried to kill me once. I thought it fair I return the favour on his godson."
The girl looked so disappointed in him. "I had hoped you would have repented. I hope Lily has no mercy on you for what you did to Harry and others," she told him. The girl looked in amused horror as he felt something burn from his chest to his groin. He turned to see his cloak and clothes cut open. The curved blade was not far from his stomach. He started to scream as his intestines fell out. He could feel the pain…
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In the Infirmary…
Poppy didn't agree with this, but she knew that something had to be done. She would have preferred a mind healer, or Albus, but he had insisted on Severus. Trying to get Harry out of his stupor would work best with someone he trusted.
She was taken out of her thoughts when a blood curdling scream ripped through curtains. Her wand came out. Ripping the curtains open, she found Severus curled into a ball on the floor, screaming as though he was in the worst agony she had ever heard.
"Dear, Merlin. What happened!" she exclaimed, moving to the downed man.
He was balling up as he screamed bloody murder. Her wand came out. She was just starting her diagnostics when Severus suddenly straightened. He arched his back, throwing his head back and feet out straight. His muscles were so tight that before she could do anything, there was an audible crack. Severus instantly quieted, then slumped, as though all his strings had been cut.
She looked on in horror at the look that was still etched into his face. She ran her wand over him. A hand went to her mouth to find he was dead. He had somehow snapped his own neck.
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I am death," Potter said from above her.
She looked up to see Harry staring at Severus with eyes so cold she shivered.
After a moment, they took on the more vacant stare he had had since coming here. "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for he walks besides me," Harry repeated for the hundredth time today.
It felt like Death himself walked over her as she looked between the boy and her colleague with fear. She certainly feared evil…
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July 30, 1996
Hogwarts, Scotland
Things had been very unsettled for the last few days. No one knew what happened to Severus. As far as Poppy could find he had a severe reaction to something. Albus knew he had been working with experimental potions due to Tom's issues since the Ministry. The best he could put together was that something he had experimented with had killed him. If it was something due to him working with Harry to heal him, surely they both would have suffered if a Legilimency probe had been going on at the time.
On the contrary, Harry seemed to be in just the same position he had been for the last few days. He would talk to Ms Granger when no one appeared to be watching him. Otherwise, he only repeated that inane quote, or variations of it.
Poppy, on the other hand, was convinced that Harry had something to do with it. Whatever he had said just after Severus died had her spooked. She was spooked enough that she refused to be left with him alone.
As this situation was getting nowhere, he decided it was time to move him. Harry needed help and isolating him had probably put him into this position. Albus thought he was doing the right thing in hardening the boy. Apparently, he was more fragile than he expected. How was Harry to be a martyr and survive if he didn't want to seem to live now.
Perhaps waiting for an opportune time to help Harry and his friends had been the wrong decision. He needed Tom to come out in the open. Losing his godfather had been a step too far for the boy. Losing the last of his family had broken him. The loss of Ms Granger had been unfortunate, but he didn't think it that catastrophic. Perhaps he had misjudged the boy's attachment to her and should have let him go to her funeral?
Walking into the hospital wing, Poppy came out to greet him. "Thank goodness you are here. He needs to get out of here or you need to find a proper mind healer," she demanded of him.
Albus looked at her very curiously. She had never been anxious to be rid of a patient before. "What has happened?" he asked.
"Nothing, and that is the issue. He just keeps repeating that phrase and will only talk to whatever is in his head," she told him.
Albus frowned. He had hoped that there would be some improvement. Harry had to get out of here, but he didn't know where to send him. If he kept acting this way, he was sure the Weasley's wouldn't know what to do. Perhaps he could get Harry to Grimmauld Place and let the Order in again. Nymphadora's mother was a mind healer. Perhaps she could look at him?