Chapter 93: Agent Maxwell

Nervousness wasn't something Duo was particularly fond of, and walking into HQ under his real identity felt almost wrong. It was a relief to find Ravi at the front desk after a morning spent silently freaking out, alone. He'd insisted to stay by himself at his own place the night before, both not wanting to arrive with Heero at HQ and not wanting his partner to see how unbalanced he was. The new job was definitely his choice, and he didn't want Heero to misinterpret any nerves as regret. He also wanted to face this change independently.

But that didn't make Ravi's presence at the front desk any less of a relief. He could be independent and still take solace in seeing a friendly face.

"Good morning, Agent Maxwell."

He grimaced and handed her his ID.

"Please, it's just Duo."

"Not Mateo?"

For a moment he thought she was angry based on her cross tone, but her eyes bore signs of amusement. Still, he chose to proceed with caution.

"Not anymore, no."

Slowly a smile spread over her face.

"Good. I'm glad you're joining the rest of the world, Agent Duo."

He barked out a laugh.

"Oh shit, that's somehow worse!"

"Well there's protocol and all, so I do need to address you as an agent. But really, it'll be nice to see you more frequently. And you do realize you don't have to come here and check in every time, right? Your ID card is surprisingly permanent at the moment." She handed it back to him. "You're able to use the employee entrance."

"Maybe I just like seeing you."

She beamed at him.

"I think we can accommodate that." Giving a glance to her left and right, she leaned forward and dropped her voice. "I heard a rumor that you're Agent Chang's partner now! He's a difficult man. No one wants to partner with him, and if you stay here too long with me, he's sure to give you an earful."

Duo shifted his stance from one foot to the other and cocked his head to the left, appraising her.

"Don't worry. He'll stay in line."

Her eyes widened.

"So is it true that you're the Senior Agent?"

With a smirk he whispered, "I can neither confirm nor deny that." The slight downturn of her lips satisfied him. He was going to have fun messing with her from time to time.

Une gave him special permission to skip orientation because he'd gone through it once before, after the wars. The introduction to the job hadn't changed much from when he partnered with Heero. Instead, he showed up to his new office and hit the ground running, working easily like he'd been there for years.

Every so often he'd feel eyes on him and look up to find some random employee hastily retreating from the open office door like they were afraid to get caught spying. Wufei paid them no mind, but not long before lunch, Duo had questions.

"Okay, spill. Why's everyone checkin in on us? What's that about?"

Wufei didn't look up from his monitor.

"They're just surprised I'm working with someone. Don't pay attention."

"Sure, but like... It's a lotta people trying their damnedest to be stealthy and failing."

"Not everyone can be you, Maxwell."

"Yeah, but they're Preventers, they should be a little bit stealthy. Could they at least be, I dunno... Klementz?"

That got Wufei's attention.

"Who did you say?"

"Klementz? I think? Guy who was trying to convince everyone you were a spy, to misdirect from him being a spy?"

"I know who he was!" Wufei's voice turned dark, and he stared Duo down. "He killed my friend, Broden. Why the hell would you bring him up? Why would you even think about that man?"

Duo immediately backed down.

"Whoa, sorry. I just... was trying to think of someone minimally stealthy, and the guy was at least stealthy enough to be a spy for a while. Plus, you knew him, because of the whole plan of misdirection. I didn't mean to bring up bad memories."

With a heavy sigh, Wufei turned back to his work.

"It's okay, Duo. You didn't know."

Outwardly he seemed okay, but Duo wondered if he'd just done something incredibly stupid to hurt his friend. He was well aware that Wufei worked alone for years because no one was able to get along with him enough to form an effective partnership, and the whole building was waiting for things to collapse between them. He only wanted to lighten the mood, not damper it.

A nagging worry began to surface in his mind, bubbling over into the same thought that repeated on loop so much lately.

Do I ruin lives?

He shook it off. Seemed a lot like an overreaction he couldn't control. In a little over an hour Sally would be stopping by to take him to lunch, without Wufei. When the date of their official partnership was set, she demanded rights to Duo's first lunch as an official Preventer. He wasn't sure why, but he was glad for it now.

He only needed to last until her distraction made things better.

Sally called to say she was a few minutes late and asked to meet at the diner instead of HQ, assuring him she'd be on time to lunch itself. True to her word, she arrived just as he was seated in a booth. Instantly, she frowned and approached him. Her look made him feel completely transparent.

"What's eating you?"

"Hello to you, too?"

She shook her head in amusement and pointed at him as she slid onto the bench seat at other side of the table.

"I know when you look troubled, Duo."

The server came and she ordered, already knowing what she liked. Duo did the same. Two glasses of water were placed on the table and they were alone again.

"How come you always figure me out, Sal?"

"You're not hard to read when your defenses are down." She wormed her way out of a jacket, piling it unceremoniously next to her. "Feel free to tell me anything you like. I won't say a word to Wufei, if that's holding you back. We're allowed to have our own secrets."

He smiled at her and raked a hand through his hair, which only got caught on his braid as it moved further back.

"I... I said something stupid today. And I hurt Wufei."

Sally tried hard not to smile. Duo was being serious, but it was also adorable to her how much he cared about the other man's feelings. Especially when the last time they met at the same diner, Duo was adamant that Wufei, along with everyone else, didn't care about him and would never be there when he needed them.

"What did you say?"

He drummed his fingers against the table, a sign of how high strung he was.

"I kinda brought up this guy who I didn't know killed one of his friends in the war."

She gave him a lop-sided grin.

"Duo, honey. You'll need to be more specific than that. A lot of people killed our friends in the war."

When his eyebrows shot up, she laughed lightly. The sound was comforting, rather than mocking. Her face was open and kind.

"Trust me when I say Wufei isn't going to hold anything like that against you. And if he snapped, just know that you'll get snapped at often if you keep working with him. His temper's improved immensely over the years, but he's still prone to little outbursts. Especially with people he's comfortable with."

The confusion on Duo's face nearly made her laugh again.

"That's so dumb. What the hell? Why would he do that?"

"It might be dumb, but when he's confident someone loves him, he's confident they'll understand not to take his general anger personally. He rarely holds it for long and if he says anything hurtful he's quick to apologize. Typically he just expresses his frustration with a little more gusto, feeling like he doesn't have to hold back. It helps him process, to add a little bit more to expressing how he feels."

Duo thought about that, and she was right. Wufei didn't curse him, or get angry at him. He was caught off guard and expressed his negative emotions in front of a trusted friend. He even assured him that things were okay. With that in mind, he realized that perhaps he was looking for reasons for Wufei to be angry with him. He'd been waiting for things to go wrong for some time, and he was scared of fucking up a new chapter of his life so soon, particularly when the whole building expected things to go poorly between them. If he didn't stop looking for a fight, they'd eventually find themselves in the middle of a real one.

"Shit. Yeah. I read too much into it what wasn't there. I got other things on my mind and I'm not really reading rooms too well these days. I'm a bit unbalanced. Kinda off kilter."

She ran a finger up and down her water glass, playing with the condensation.

"Off kilter is still doing quite well. With everything that's happened lately, I think you're allowed to be a bit off balance without taking much heat for it."

Something shifted in his eyes, and after a second he leaned forward to softly whisper to her. She felt her heart skip a beat in anticipation.

"Hey, can I tell you somethin?"

"Sure."

"And it's okay for it to be a bit... off kilter?"

"Of course."

Duo bit his lower lip, leaned back, and continued to speak at a volume just for her.

"On L2... I wanted him dead. Chevalier. I wanted him dead, and instead of killing him when I had the chance, I tried to save him."

The news was not something she expected, but it didn't sound farfetched, either.

"Why?"

"Because killing him wouldn't bring Bastian back, or take away what he's done to the children, to Elise, to the community, Trowa, Quatre, Heero... I allowed myself to kill those men in the church under the excuse that their goal was to kill me. But I didn't shoot them in self-defense. If I had, they'd be alive. I shot them in hate." He looked away. "I haven't killed others in hate like that for a long time. Only at HQ, after seeing Une's injuries, did I lose myself and hurt someone in hate. I was so worried afterwards about going down that path, and now I wonder if Chevalier knew. If Trowa's texts indicated how I felt, and if he purposefully tried to push me as far as he could. I've been having this thought... Was Bastien's life just collateral to him? A price he thought cheap, just to break me?"

"You can't let yourself think along those lines."

"I know. Because I'm not the center of the world."

She smiled and he played with his water glass.

"That's right."

They remained in companionable silence until his brow furrowed and he spoke again, softly and with conviction.

"But the symbolism was still very clear at the time. I saw how disposable he was." He looked away. "Same as me at his age, we were both looked at as nothing, our lives holding no value. Neither of us worth the air we breathed to those who looked down on us."

She didn't know what to say to him. And she was afraid to interrupt when it seemed he had more to tell her. So instead, Sally reached out across the table to where his hand rested by his cup and took that hand in hers. He squeezed back. The gesture assured her it was okay to talk.

"You didn't look down on him."

Duo glanced back to her, and she saw his pain and his hope.

"I know you, Duo Maxwell. That boy didn't die looked down upon like he was worthless. That boy died with you there on his side. He knew he was worth something to you. I guarantee he understood he had value in your eyes and that he didn't feel so alone. When you look at people you care for, and want to defend, there's no mistaking you value them."

"Really?"

"Yes. Really."

He chewed on the inside of his lip and fidgeted like an uncomfortable child.

"I'm never going to be free of this, am I?"

"Probably not."

Tension eased from his shoulders, and he smiled at her and squeezed her hand once more.

"Thanks. For not lying to me and saying I'll move fully past it, or I'll forget."

She sighed.

"I haven't forgotten what I've done, either. What I did in the war. What I enabled back then. Even decisions I've made as a doctor in the years since... they don't always turn out in a positive way. A lot of people died directly or partially because of my choices, and some were patients in a time of peace for whom I made the best call I could with the information at hand. And still, it ended up being the wrong call. I'm not sure we'll ever forget what haunts us, and I don't think we should."

"Me either."

She examined him to determine if he was saying that to placate her, or if he meant it. He definitely meant it.

"I lost something of myself in that church. I can't even express the pain. I tried to get what he took back by saving his life, I tried to get myself back, to reclaim that part of me not fueled by hate or anger. To calmly find a solution and not revenge. And he wouldn't let me. He very much wanted me to give in to the same darkness he lost himself to."

"But you didn't."

Wearily, he smiled. The expression worried her.

"Hey. You didn't. Sure, you couldn't save his life, but you tried to. You say you killed those men in hate, but you need to remember that they were out to kill you, too. You didn't lose yourself."

"Sometimes... I think it would be easier if I had. But I guess I'm too stubborn to take the easy route. And honestly?" He looked down at their hands, fingers now entwined though he couldn't recall when that happened. "I don't want to feel hatred all the time. It's exhausting."

His eyes met hers once more. His face was flushed, but not in a way that read as embarrassment. He looked healthy, like he'd spent time in the sun.

"I'd much rather live my life feeling anything else. And that starts here."

He took his free hand, and tapped his chest over his heart. She smiled at him.

"I'm so happy you're here, having lunch with me today. I'm really glad to have you back in my life, Duo. I missed you a lot."

Duo took a deep breath and squeezed her hand tightly before letting go, emotion too thick in his throat to speak. To his relief, the server arrived with their food and he got a breather from their heavier conversation. The rest of lunch was spent joking about how best to get under Wufei's skin, who at HQ would be eyeing their partnership the most, and how best to tease them.

"Where are you?"

Heero's hushed tone was a bit surprising. That he was calling at all was unusual, because he should know exactly where Duo was. They'd arranged to spend the evening together and would have walked to Heero's place with each other if not for HR suddenly needing last minute documentation from Duo before the end of his first day back. Apparently he could skip orientation, but it was at the cost of answering a long questionnaire at the end of the day.

"I'm walking up east on 6th, about to enter your building."

"I want you to know I didn't plan this."

Duo entered the building and winked at the manager, who was talking to front desk security. She smiled up at him. They'd been quite friendly ever since Duo secured a dinner reservation for her anniversary with zero notice. Twenty five years unmarried, she'd happily declared. But her partner's plans fell through and her so not a wife, we hate the idea of marriage was disappointed. When Duo found out they loved Malaysian food he called up a restaurant in his neighborhood. The owners lived in his building and knew him well. They had a reservation for two in under five minutes, and he'd accidentally made Heero her favorite tenant.

As he punched the elevator button he asked "What do you mean you didn't plan this? You're the one who invited me over."

There was regret tinged in Heero's voice.

"Yes, but I didn't plan on anyone else being here."

"Ro, why are you whispering? Who don't you want to overhear you?"

There was a moment of silence during which Duo got off the elevator and headed to Heero's door with urgency.

"I can tell her to leave."

"Tell who?"

"I can do that, spare you."

"Damnit, Ro. Who—?"

He turned his key and opened Heero's door to find Relena standing in the living room. Heero was nowhere, and Duo surmised he must have gone into the bedroom to call with a little privacy.

"Hey, Lena."

He heard the bedroom door open as she nervously greeted him, and Heero emerged, holding his phone. His eyes held a mild fear. Duo found that to be adorable. Relena glanced between them, then spoke up again with the slightest bit more confidence.

"I'm sorry for barging in, I didn't want to bother either of you while you were recovering and just assumed if you were both back at work—"

"It's fine, Lena. I'm not going to stop Heero from seeing his friends. I can head back out and occupy myself for a—"

"No!"

Two sets of eyes snapped to her. She looked embarrassed from her outburst and her voice softened when she gathered her wits.

"I mean, thank you. But I'm actually here to see you."

The surprise on Heero's face was telling. He had no idea why she was there. Duo nodded towards the other man as he asked "Should he stay?"

Relena gave nothing further away with her expression.

"He can, it's fine. I won't be long."

Unsure of what would happen next, Duo gestured for her to have a seat. She took up on one end of a large L shaped couch. Not particularly keen on sitting near her, Duo half sat down, leaning on the armrest at the farthest end from her. That left Heero with the awkward task of picking where to position himself. He didn't want to make Relena feel completely unwelcome, but he wanted Duo to know he was loyal to him.

He chose, after the slightest hesitation, to sit on the couch like Relena, but take up residence next to Duo. Once he was situated, she spoke.

"First I want to extend my sympathy for everything that happened. My brother filled me in, and I've spoken to Heero. I hope Elise and the children are doing well. I hope you're recovering well, too. It all must have been very difficult for you, I don't know how I would've coped in your place."

Duo kept his expression neutral. Heero's hand moved slightly to slowly and gently brush the back of his fingers over Duo's leg in a gesture of solidarity. It was just a few small up and down strokes followed by resting his knuckles against him, but it was done subconsciously. Relena clearly noticed, and the action suddenly served to make Heero incredibly uncomfortable. They hadn't really shown much affection in front of her before, and now seemed like the wrong time. She didn't appear upset, and her feelings about them weren't important, but it made him feel awkward.

"Everyone's as good as they can be, all things considered. What do you want, Relena?"

She fidgeted, which was unusual for a woman so proper and practiced in leading a room. It couldn't have escaped her that he didn't address himself, but she didn't push.

"I asked Une if I could be the one to tell you this." Her eyes focused on him. "In light of recent events, the citizens of L2 have agreed to allow Preventers a tentative presence on the colony. We're in the process of establishing the groundwork now. The prevailing narrative is that the police never would've helped, but the Preventers unit, you all, did. And the compassion shown by the Preventers stuck with them. They're hoping, perhaps, to clean up police corruption and establish a system that values citizens over power and money."

"So they invited Preventers there, huh?"

She nodded.

"Well. First time for everything, I guess. That all you wanted to say?"

"Oh." She was unable to hide her surprise. "Yes, I guess that's about it."

Duo fully stood, and Heero's hand fell out of contact with him.

"Then we're done. If you got anything to say to Heero, now's the time. I'm gonna wash up. Between walking here in the summer heat and hitting up the Preventers gym with Wufei, I'm in need of a shower. See ya, Lena."

With that, he disappeared down the hall into Heero's room. Shortly after, they heard water running. Relena looked to Heero with searching eyes.

"He really hates me, doesn't he?" She sighed. "I just thought maybe delivering some good news could soften his view. I thought maybe it would help form the start of some bridge." Her eyes became focused and determined in the same way Heero often saw when she was working. "L2 will be less of a lawless colony. It'll be safer to live there, why isn't he excited?"

"I'm sure he wants what's best for his home colony. He wouldn't have participated in the war and become a Gundam pilot if he didn't. And I don't think he hates you." She gave him a piercing look that told him he was an idiot. He chuckled. "It's just that I don't know if Duo really hates anyone."

"Are you so sure about that?"

"He risked his life for you not terribly long ago, didn't he?" There was an undercurrent to Heero's tone of voice that hinted he knew his words weren't entirely truthful in regard to their implied meaning. She felt the need to call him on it, and prove her understanding of the situation was more nuanced than surface appearances.

"That's not the same, and I know that now. He's the kind of person who will help anyone at all if they need it. He's always been exactly the kind of person I try to be, but we go about helping differently. He puts his life on the line for others, doing the type of hard work I try to downplay because it's not pacifist. He sees the worst of humanity, and yet he never waivers. He roughs it, god knows where, enduring things I can't even imagine. Things my brother has only hinted at. And I sleep in a warm bed every night, and make pretty speeches, and try to force equitable policy while being protected from seeing the horrible things he's seen. His experiences are just concepts to me, outlined in reports and used by myself and my colleagues to change the world. I saw things in the war, but he's seen so much outside of it. And I'm making policies with no real frame of reference for those experiences."

She straightened her posture a bit more and smoothed out her skirt.

"If I'd opened my eyes to that years ago, and really seen him, perhaps we'd have come to some understanding. Instead, I'm now painfully aware of how worthy he is of your love. I finally see him, and I want the best for him. I really do! I want the best for both of you. And it's all too late. We'll never all be friends."

She paused for a moment, looking deep in thought.

"Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean he's required to forgive me, so I'm very grateful he doesn't intend to prevent you and I from being friends. I honestly don't know if the tables were turned... Could I ever be so secure in love? Could I remove bitterness from my heart and accept the person who tried to eliminate and replace me? Could I accept that someone who was so cruel to me is a friend of the person I love most? He has every reason not to want me near you, but he puts your needs before his own. I'm... jealous of him, for being able to do that."

Heero couldn't think of anything to say to her. He really hadn't expected her to put so much thought into Duo, when for years she seemed to want to avoid thinking about him entirely.

Relena didn't wait for Duo to return nor for Heero to speak. She quickly took leave and claimed she had a dinner engagement. Though he didn't fully believe her, Heero walked her out and said goodbye. The shower wasn't running when he returned to the apartment. He could hear Duo moving, which was strange. Normally he was silent in his movements, naturally stealthy. Perhaps he wanted to give assurances that he was still there and didn't run. Heero wasn't entirely sure.

They made idle chitchat while preparing dinner, and Duo told him all about his first day with Wufei, even though a lot of it was a repeat of what he'd heard when he initially stopped by Duo's office to walk home with him, before the massive questionnaire was shoved in his face and they decided to meet up later. Heero didn't mind. He just liked hearing Duo talk about his new job in such a positive light.

Afterwards, Duo took a call and Heero found himself on the couch, reading. It didn't take long for him to have company, and he made room for his partner to join him. While his ankle was healing, Duo got curious about what Heero was reading to occupy himself. They fell into a habit, both stretching out on the couch, with Heero laying between Duo's legs, leaning on his chest, reading aloud. He'd offered to reverse their positions, but Duo claimed if he fell asleep it would be easier for Heero to extract himself if he wasn't weighed down. He wasn't wrong. More times than not, Duo fell asleep to the sound of his voice.

He could tell after nearly half an hour that Duo was relaxed, but still conscious. He let the hand holding the book drift into his lap.

"You surprised me this evening, Duo."

The body behind him stirred, and Duo let out a low hum.

"Whatcha mean, Ro?"

"I thought for certain you'd have something to say about Relena's news."

"Ah."

"That's it?"

"What'd you want me to say?"

Heero turned his head to catch a glimpse of Duo over his shoulder.

"Anything. It's big news."

"It's garbage."

That was surprising.

"Garbage? Do you think our mission and the organization we work for is garbage?"

"It's complicated."

"Elaborate."

Though it was silent, Heero felt Duo sigh. It was impossible to hide with their proximity.

"I'm not sayin Preventers is garbage. It's useful for sure. But the ideals in place today aren't guaranteed to remain in place, yanno? I hate how things are on L2, but this could backfire. It may be the start of a new police state. And Preventers doesn't have very many L2 natives in their ranks. The gotta send outsiders, and winning trust will be an uphill battle."

"They trusted us."

"Heero. You had scared children trust you. We're talking about an entire populous."

"They could learn to trust."

Heero felt strong vibrations from Duo's laughter. A thought came to mind then, just as Duo's arms circled around him and a kiss was placed into his hair. He was suddenly anxious.

"Do you think you'll be re-assigned to L2?"

The body against him stilled before it relaxed.

"No. Because I would refuse the assignment. I don't ever want to live there again. It's fine if they need my temporary help but I'm not movin to L2. I like it here. There's weather here. My friends are here. You're here. Une worked a long time to get me to become Agent Maxwell again. If the higher ups wanna permanently relocate me, I'm fine not bein an agent anymore. I'll get some other job. Go into the private sector. Rival Quatre."

Tension eased from Heero, and he melted back into Duo's embrace.

"You really think they won't be able to trust agents from other colonies, or from Earth?"

"Yep."

"Why not?"

"You know as well as I do that folks look down on L2 and its residents. There's a power imbalance there, both socially and economically. It's a hard sell convincin people to allow those who degrade them to rule them. And that's what it is, Ro. Preventers would come to L2 in a position of power. That's a ruling class. And power creates corruption. Ethically, morally, financially... No one in power is fully immune."

"Relena—"

"She is so not immune. So far she's been mostly uncorrupted politically, but she sure as fuck uses her power to corrupt in her personal life. Don't you dare try an' say she doesn't, not with her history with you and me. She damn well used her image as a pacifist and moral leader to manipulate our relationship as best as she could, smilin the whole damn way. And you let her."

He tightened his grip a little, briefly hugging Heero closer as he breathed in the scent of his dark hair. Heero remained quiet.

"I don't think she still has that power now, but she had it then and you fell right in line like a good little soldier, never questioning. You weren't even that obedient in the war. But she curated her image effectively and used my personality and reputation against me. She knew that I have issues with authority, she knew that I can get a little extra when I'm finally tipped into anger, and she was bettin on you believin that I was misbehavin when I wasn't. She bet that bringin up how I can be abrasive would make you think I was behaving that way. Because she pretended to be calm and fair all the time, and turned herself into a symbol of righteousness. And you often believed her when she weaponized it. And that, Ro, is also an example of power corrupting."

They remained in silence for several long minutes, and Duo realized his words, though true, were hurtful. There was no doubt he'd hurt Heero, but he wasn't about to apologize for speaking the truth. Not after holding his tongue for so many years.

Still, part of him wondered if maybe his partner had something important to say about her. He'd cut Heero off abruptly and felt a bit guilty over that.

As a result, he ended his evening with the same nervousness that began his day. He wasn't sure if he'd done the right thing, by explaining how he felt. He wondered if maybe it was better to hold things in. If Heero would be better off with someone who didn't complicate his life so much. If he'd ever really be happy, because he already knew love alone wasn't enough. If it had been, he never would have left all those years ago.

And he wondered, again, if he ruined lives.