The meeting of the Pendragon mother and son was the only exciting thing to happen for days. Soon the silence became deafening. As days passed with no sign of Nimueh, the citizens of Storybrooke grew increasingly anxious.
Merlin became mindful that a steeper plot was afoot. He spent the majority of his days educating the others about the crafty tricks of the ancient witch.
In the meantime, the little group were becoming fast friends. Merlin had not expected to so easily befriend Arthur's mother. He had always had such an intense and fearful feeling about Arthur's father Uther that it never occurred to him that Igraine would have been a gentle, good person.
It so happened that Igraine was in many ways the source of her son's finer attributes. She had the same courage as he did, and all of his fire, and his compassion.
Merlin sat long hours at night by the fire with Igraine in Granny's inn, where the three of "Club Camelot" as Regina had come to call them had moved. The two found themselves to be natural friends and fell into bright conversation even when Arthur was occupied helping Charming secure the woods around the town at night.
As for Arthur, he was head over heels with joy and love at his mother's presence in his life. Many times at night, when all the day's work was done, Arthur would steal in reverent silence into the inn. He would sit on the floor, cross his legs, and stare up at Igraine wide eyed like the innocent child he was never allowed to be as she would tell Merlin fond stories of her girlhood adventures. Sometimes he would go whole hours without speaking as he just placidly listened to Igraine and Merlin's soft banter.
"You may never be aware that Gaius was training me to be a physician a long, long time before you were trained..."Igraine was telling Merlin one night.
"Was he?!" Merlin brightened at the mere mention of Gaius.
"Oh, yes. He was teaching me the medicine for the wounded in battle. I would ride to many battlefields with him tending the wounded when I was a lass-about 17 I was at the time..."Igraine turned to Arthur, noticing him as he sat there at her feet. She smiled brightly at how his eyes looked like starset. Merlin felt a strange warmth pass over him watching her study Arthur, anticipating what she might tell him.
"That's where I met your father..."Igraine smiled, eyes twinkling. Arthur perked up, lips curling in a smile that was so heavy it looked like a frown.
Now that Igraine was in front of him, Arthur somewhat bristled at the mere mention of his father. The others realized it was because of years of pent up hurt. Igraine and Merlin had, by now, explained in full detail how that Uther was responsible for Nimueh's wrath through the magic pact and subsequent purging of magic-born that the Evil King had embarked upon. Arthur's face barely concealed his rage at the thought of all the injustices his father had let loose upon his people.
Merlin began to fear in his heart that Nimueh was using this root of bitterness in Arthur's heart for her evil plan. Whenever Uther would appear, Arthur's rage at him would no doubt be a weapon the old witch could wield.
The rest of the night, as Igraine told fond tales of the early days when she had known Arthur's father, and Arthur listened as politely as he could, Merlin thought on what he should say. Then, Igraine went to her special guest chamber in the inn, and Merlin and Arthur stole to the room with the two small beds that they were sharing on the wing of the inn with the secret balcony, hidden mostly by ferns.
"Goodnight, Merlin..."Arthur said, voice stilted, tone weirdly awkward. He was peevish now that the night's chatter had fallen silent. Seething, he went out to the balcony alone and sat in a far corner of it behind the ferns.
Merlin took off his scarf and folded it over his bed. He sighed. It was cold out there. Arthur had only gone out there to escape Merlin's questions. Even after all these years, he could read his mind when he looked at him a certain way.
Merlin waited about 10 minutes. He knew sooner or later he would have to confront him. Otherwise he would sit out there all night and wait him out. Wait for him to fall asleep so he could cry himself to sleep, overwhelmed with emotion despite all the Charmings gentle attempts at helping him through the craziness of receiving his mother again from the dead.
At last, Merlin could bear the silence no more. He slipped through the door Arthur had passed through.
Arthur was tangled in a twist of arms and legs, sitting in a crevice of the inn's wall. His eyes scanned the dark streets beneath the inn, where shadows broke in the faint light of street lamps.
Merlin was at first unnoticed by his fraught companion. He climbed to where he sat in the crack of the wall, sitting beside him in silence.
Arthur never stirred. Merlin could feel somehow that he truly did not notice his presence. He wondered for a moment how the living world was processed in the mind of his dear friend, who had been so long dead that his body may now feel alien. The thought had never dawned on Merlin in this way, and it pierced him with sudden painful realization.
"Arthur..." Merlin felt the weight of all his love in the way he said his name. Arthur looked up and his hair stood on end. Merlin realized by the look on his face that he had felt the love in the way his name was uttered and it surprised him.
"Merlin...how long have you been sitting there?" Arthur chuckled softly, frowning at his absentmindedness.
"Long enough to realize you are quite troubled..."Merlin realized now that he'd get farther with him if he were gentle. He put his hand on his shoulder.
Arthur studied him.
"I've been separated from my mother for all my life and all my death. You know, I wasn't..I wasn't at peace in the afterlife..." Arthur frowned. He didn't like reminding Merlin of that. Merlin shuddered but nodded.
"Now that she is here with us...I..."Arthur blinked at his tears.
"Merlin, I love her...more than I can express. And I've only known her such a short time..."he coughed to keep from crying and smiled. Merlin smiled at him in return and wrapped his arm all the way around his shoulder.
"And you're angry with your father for keeping her from you..."Merlin felt a twinge of uneasiness at the way his eyes flickered. Rage barely concealed.
"I-I loved him too...but I am...I am appalled...at the things I have learned about him recently." Arthur shook his head.
Merlin studied Arthur for a long moment trying to find the words. They came without his bidding then. In the end, it was honesty that Arthur needed, and it was honesty that Merlin chose to give.
"Your father was a man that I sometimes greatly despised for his persecution of people born with magic. But, I always aimed to respect him, because he was your father. For all his faults, you loved him. What was more, for as dark as his heart may have been, he loved you." Merlin nodded. Arthur studied him then, processing his candor.
Merlin swallowed, and pulled Arthur closer to him. He leaned in close as if telling him a secret.
"I fear that Nimueh will use the rage that is building in your heart against us...We know that she plans her own form of righteous ending for Uther. We know that she means to destroy all that he loves. But she has your soul, and she has used the word "destroy" and not kill many times when she has referred to what she means to do to Uther's inheritance..."Merlin pulled Arthur closer still, suddenly cupping his chin.
"I want you to hear me, Arthur..."Merlin was suddenly anxious. His fingers were trembling. Arthur's eyes had gone wide like a creature in the wild at the intensity with which Merlin entreated him.
"I say this because I love you...and I've set my heart and soul to save you if it completely undoes me...Arthur, please..I beg you...be on guard for your heart. Don't let that evil woman use what your father has done to poison you against all that is green and good in the world..."Merlin frowned. Arthur studied him. Then, he let out a gasp.
"Merlin...I...I didn't know you were a mind reader?" Arthur cringed. Merlin laughed.
"It's one of my many talents..."Merlin cupped his chin and held it, admiring him for a moment. He felt his eyes well up tears and he leaned in and planted a kiss on his forehead, between his eyes, which fluttered with surprise.
"Oh goodness...I love you more than I can explain. Arthur...I-I love you more than I can bear sometimes." Merlin smiled at him. Arthur studied him, amazed by his candor now. He swallowed.
"Help me...I fear I'm dangerously close to becoming something you wouldn't want to love that dearly...I...I think I hate my father at the moment. Help me, Merlin. I don't want to hate him...I really don't." Arthur was suddenly in tears.
Merlin smiled at him and ran a hand through his hair.
"Shh, don't cry...It's only anger. It's only anger and regret that you feel toward your father. Shh, don't cry. Listen to me now...Listen...we must set a guard over your heart." Merlin smiled.
"How? Arthur gulped. He was trembling. Afraid.
"May I? let me help you..."Merlin put a hand over his heart. Arthur's eyes went wide.
"Are you...going to...?" He looked squeamish then, realizing that Merlin would probably pull his heart free in the same way that he had done his own.
"An exchange. A balance...if you carry my heart in your chest, and I carry yours in mine, then the magic that fuses us together will protect you. Our bond is forged in infinity, Arthur. It created the magic of light and good, and it is too sacred to allow it to darken with bitterness and hate..." Merlin tilted his chin. Arthur was studying him, resigned. Merlin smiled.
"I know it's a little scary, but it won't hurt." Merlin nodded, tracing his fingers over Arthur's chest. Arthur reached up and unzipped the hoodie he was wearing, exposing his skin, as if to say that he agreed and Merlin should switch their hearts.
Merlin was as gentle as he could be. Arthur's heart came free without pain. As for Arthur, he was transfixed by the fact that the spell did not hurt. He watched with owl- wide eyes as Merlin switched their hearts.
"Now, there...See? It wasn't as bad as it seemed." Merlin laughed.
Arthur studied Merlin suddenly with a look of absolute horror.
"What's a matter? The spell shouldn't have hurt?" Merlin felt a twinge of anxiousness and took his hand.
Arthur spluttered.
"You...have suffered so much...sorrow...that your heart...it...oh God.." Arthur's eyes flooded tears and fluttered shut. The top of Merlin's head suddenly burned as he realized that, of course, Arthur would not have known the full weight of his sorrow until he'd placed his heart in his chest.
"I have,...but I bore it gladly. Grief, after all, is the price we exchange for love, dear Arthur. See, now that you feel only what my heart feels, you will be safe from the hate of Uther..." Merlin smiled.
"What...about...yourself? I mean, you've my own wretched heart to contend with now." Arthur laughed through gritted teeth.
Merlin laid his hand over his chest. His eyes burned golden as he said a spell. Arthur studied him.
"I keep your heart as near as my own blood...It's not wretched. It's the source of my life. Now I can keep it safe from Nimueh's plan. At least for now." Merlin smiled. Suddenly, he felt hollow, so deeply hollow. He looked at Arthur with wonder.
"Oh...I never realized how empty the ages in the Void would make you. Poor dear...you are a wasteland within. Arthur, it isn't good for you to be so pulverized. You...why you...are shattered, aren't you? No, we will fix that over time." Merlin hopped down from the ledge and helped Arthur down from where he sat. He led him back inside.
They stood for a moment in the center of the room. Their beds were still made up. A fire burned in the hearth.
Merlin turned to look at Arthur. He stood slack jawed and stunned, anger having been replaced with Merlin's sorrow.
With a deep breath, Merlin gently pushed Arthur down on one of the beds. He then sat on the other one and studied him as he lay with his arms draped in a fainting pose, hair fanned out over his head, a childlike expression on his face.
"Go to sleep...It may be that in the morning we are faced with your father. Whether for good or evil, we have done all we can to protect your heart from darkness now..."Merlin lay down and pulled the duvet up over his waist. He watched as Arthur slipped under the covers. He was suddenly in tears.
"Merlin..I...I'm sorry." he whispered, closing his eyes hard.
Merlin sighed a deep sigh. He wished there was another way to do this now.
"You sacrificed your life and your soul to save mine. Look at me...hey...you have nothing to apologize to me for ever again." Merlin bit back tears as he said these words.
"Listen, I can feel now every bit of the pain that you carried to sacrifice this heart to save me...The ache of that...God, this hurts...Listen...Look at me. I'm serious. Don't apologize to me. Don't. Just go to sleep..." Merlin smiled. With a faint smile of his own, Arthur curled up in a small ball and drifted off.
Merlin waited til Arthur was fast asleep. Unable to hold it in any longer, he felt himself burst into tears, and bawl like a baby for the rest of that night. Arthur's heart didn't just feel empty, it ached as if it were being crushed from all directions, with all the fresh pain of having been sacrificed.
Merlin clutched his chest, in physical pain from taking on the burden of this heart, overwhelmed as he understood now what it meant. He felt the suffering Arthur endured second hand, aching all the way in his teeth. It felt like one feels when they have breathed in too much smoke, a congested sort of ache that made the eyes throb, the throat pulsate, and the head buzz all at once.
Never again...Not. Ever. Again. Merlin vowed on every twinge of pain that he would not allow Arthur to ever be murdered by Nimueh a second time.