Five years later.
Caitlin drove her car down the somewhat familiar paths of her once home. She hadn't been back in five years and this time, she wasn't alone. She glanced in the rearview mirror, smiling softly at the three-year-old little girl who was fast asleep in her car seat. Caitlin hated how she came about but there was no denying that she loved Maddy with everything she had in her. Mind flickering briefly to who her father was, Caitlin hoped he was getting his penance. It happened at a party her roommate, Felicity Smoak, had convinced her to go to. She didn't remember drinking that much if anything. Jay Garrick was his name and he must have slipped her something because after the first couple of sips of…whatever it was she had had that night, her memory turned foggy.
She hadn't told anyone but her parents about her little girl. They were understanding; supportive in ways she didn't feel like she deserved. But they were good to her and she was undeniably happy about that. She hadn't told Cisco or Barry – hadn't talked to her best friends minus a couple of times those first couple of months of her school days. College had been intense; a level of schooling vastly different than that of high school. She had been busy and, well, it was easier to not reach out to them because it hurt less. She didn't know what she was going to do when she saw either one of them in her city.
Just then, a sleepy voice filled the car and Caitlin turned her attention onto her daughter. "Mommy, are we almost there?"
"About an hour left, baby," Caitlin assured her daughter gently, smiling softly when Maddy frowned. "We'll be there soon. Do you think you can get any more sleep, button?"
"I don't think so," Maddy replied, yawning brilliantly the next moment and Caitlin chuckled.
"Hmm, how about we play 'I Spy'?" Caitlin asked, hoping to distract her daughter from the last bit of the car ride. They had had their lunch earlier, with Caitlin promising her mom that she wouldn't fill them up on too much food because Carla Tannhauser wanted to make them a nice dinner with they got there that evening. Caitlin's parents visited her city frequently, often bringing gifts for Maddy and she was so, so grateful that her parents wanted an active part in their granddaughter's life, no matter how she came about. She knew her father was disgusted with Jay – that he thought he deserved jailtime – but Cailin had been hard-pressed to not report the attack, least of all because her memory on it was hazy; some details didn't shine through.
"Okay, mommy!" Maddy agreed enthusiastically, and that's how the mother and daughter duo passed the last of their hour in the car, playing 'I Spy'. It always kept Maddy occupied and Caitlin free from having to stress about the car ride. As they pulled into the city limits of her once-home, Caitlin explained to her daughter that this is where she lived before she had had her.
"I grew up here, button," Caitlin explained, watching as the city flashed by them.
"When you were my age?" Maddy asked in wonderment.
"Yep," Caitlin replied. "Many years ago.
Maddy nodded her head but didn't say anything. Caitlin's daughter was shy; always had been and Caitlin knew her enough to know not to press her to talk; that she'd talk when she wanted to. Caitlin hummed but didn't say anything either and they spent the remainder of their drive in companionable silence. When she reached her house, Caitlin parked the car, smiling softly at her mother and father standing on their front porch, waving at them.
"Come in, come in!" Carla called, holding her arms open for Maddy to run into them and give her a hug.
"Grandma!" Maddy cried, running towards her grandmother, and jumping into her arms. Caitlin laughed softly, getting their luggage out of the back of their car with her father's help.
"How was the drive, Caity?" Thomas Snow asked and Caitlin kissed her father on the cheek after hugging him.
"Good," she replied with a nod. "Maddy was an angel and we didn't need too many potty breaks. It was wonderful."
"I'm hungy!" Maddy called, looking towards her grandparents hopefully.
"You're always hungry, monster," Caitlin laughed, shaking her head fondly. Just then, there was a distinctive car honk and Caitlin turned around, startling in surprise the next moment as Barry and Cisco got out of the car. She hadn't seen her two best friends in five years. She looked towards her mother questioningly, and Carla shrugged a shoulder, looking towards her two then friends in worry.
Barry parked the car and Cisco jumped out with flourish. "Caitlin! Oh my god, hi."
"Hi, uh, Cisco," she murmured, holding her arms open as Maddy ran into them. Strangers always did make her nervous. Bouncing her up onto her hip, Caitlin could feel a set of eyes on her and looked around to spot Barry looking at her curiously. She knew he was wondering about the little girl in her arms.
Just as Caitlin was debating on what to say, Maddy spoke up. "Mommy, do you know these guys?"
Caitlin watched as Cisco stumbled on his walk towards them, doing a doubletake at the little girl. "I'm sorry, but did she just say 'mommy'?" His tone was incredulous and Caitlin didn't blame him. After all, she hadn't told either one of the guys before her about Maddy.
Swallowing thickly, she spoke up the next moment in quiet tones. "This is Madeline, my daughter. She goes by Maddy."
Cisco and Barry stared at her, each of them sporting hurt and crestfallen expressions and she didn't have to work too hard to figure out why. She had never told them about her daughter. She should have. She smiled somewhat apologetically and as she opened her mouth to try and salvage the situation, Maddy beat her to th punch and spoke up first. "Its nice to meet you. I'm Maddy and I'm three and a one-fourth years old. My favorite color is pink and my mommy is the best princess in the whole world."
Barry seemed to recover from his shock first. Bending down on one knee, he held out his hand to Maddy. "Nice to meet you, Maddy. I'm Barry Allen and I'm a friend of your mommy's."
"Mommy doesn't have many friends," Maddy replied innocently, puzzlement lacing her tone and Caitlin turned beet red.
Cisco, who had gotten over his initial shock as well, laughed. "Well, she should definitely call the two guys who are her friends in the first place. They've missed her."
She deserved that, she supposed. "Cisco…" Caitlin trailed off, unsure how to finish that sentence and Barry looked to her, eyes clouded in pain she had no trouble understanding.
"Its been five years, Cait," he said. "They didn't have phones in your city?"
This was not how she wanted their reunion to go. If she was being honest with herself, she wasn't even sure if she wanted a reunion in the first place. When she was – attacked, (how she hated to think that word), - she cut off all connections with her friends. She felt ashamed. Embarrassed by her body. The night was hazy but she remembered her body betraying her in the worst way possible that night – she had come. She hadn't meant to and she remembered her futile attempts at pushing Jay off her as her limbs grew more heavy; more weak with the drugs coursing through her. That was another reason she hadn't wanted to tell anyone. She was ashamed of her body's reaction. She looked at Barry apologetically. "It was just easier."
She left it at that, wondering if he would understand in the way he always knew so well to understand her in. She dropped eye contact, looking at Maddy, who was pulling on her sleeve. "I'm hungy, mommy."
"I know you are, button," she murmured, carding her fingers through her child's hair. "Let's go inside and get you something to eat and then we'll have bath time and you can go to bed. I'm sure you're pretty tired from the drive, hmm?"
Maddy shook her head, swallowing a yawn as she did so. "I'm not tired! I'm a big girl."
Caitlin laughed gently, nodding her head. "Yes, you are." Then she looked at Barry and Cisco, feeling their eyes on her, and she didn't know what to say. "It was nice seeing you guys but I really should get her some dinner and then into bed."
"Are we going to see you again?" Cisco demanded, and Caitlin sighed. This was what she had been afraid of. She didn't know what to say to these two people anymore. She looked beseechingly at Barry, hoping he'd come to her aid, but he shook his head.
"Its been five years, Cait," he murmured quietly. She knew that. She didn't need him to remind her. She nodded her head.
"But who's counting?" Caitlin asked quietly.
Barry stared at her for a long moment, before looking back towards Maddy. "She's beautiful. Looks just like you."
Caitlin felt relief at his compliment because she didn't want Maddy looking anything like Jay. She smiled, brushing her hair forward so her daughter could play with it. "Thanks, Barry. We really should get inside though. Its getting close to her bedtime."
Barry nodded, stepping away from them altogether and looking towards Cisco, then Caitlin. "Can – can we come visit you tomorrow?"
Caitlin sighed internally. This is what she was afraid of. She debated over her options, looking down at her daughter for a moment before slowly looking up to Barry. "Well." She drawled out. "I'm going to take her to the park tomorrow morning for a couple of hours before it gets too hot to play outside. You guys can come if you want."
Cisco looked between Barry and Caitlin curiously, before speaking up the next moment. "I've got work to get to but I'll come by later. Bring a present for this munchkin."
"Oh, yes please!" Maddy enthused and Caitlin winced. She didn't want her daughter to get too spoiled, especially from people she hadn't seen in five years. But she didn't bother to correct Cisco either. She'd let him spoil her daughter for a little while.
"Okay," she replied. "Thanks. You can come by my parents house tomorrow evening after dinner."
"Are you staying with them indefinitely?" Barry asked but Caitlin shook her head.
"No, I'm renting an apartment in the middle of the city. I go to sign the lease on Friday," she said. "We'll be moving in this weekend which is another reason I want to get Maddy to the park. She'll get grumpy with all the unloading I'll have to do this weekend."
"We can help," Barry offered, and Caitlin's heart twinged. As her best friend all through high school, Barry had gone above and beyond to prove that he was willing to help her, no matter what. She smiled.
"I'd appreciate that," she said. "Thanks."
The adults all stood around for a few more minutes before Maddy mentioned she was 'hungy' again, and Caitlin said goodbye to the two guys who used to mean the world to her. She watched as Cisco smiled at Maddy, waving to her with promises to be back by the house the next night. She could feel Barry looking at her and she looked up, offering him a smile. "See you around, Cait."
She knew he meant those words; that he'd want her to be involved in his life once more now that she was moving back. She was going to kill her father for telling them – who else would it be? Her mother would have respected her wishes for not too many people to hear all the details. In fact, as she glanced at her father, she spotted him looking at her apologetically, appropriately abashed and she shook her head dismissively. No need in holding onto grudges anymore. "Let's get inside and get your tummy filled, button."
"Bye-bye!" Maddy promptly waved her hands as Cisco and Barry, the two men chucklingly quietly at her.
"Bye Maddy, see you tomorrow," Barry replied. Then, he looked towards Caitlin. "It's really good to have you back. I'll be by around nine?"
"That works," she agreed, smiling as much as she could before she turned on her heel and headed inside of her parents' house, leaving her friends behind her once more. After all, she really did do a good job at walking away.
Author's note: Thoughts lovely per usual. Thanks for welcoming me back to the Snowbarry fanfic world with open arms. I have a lot of ideas for this story and I hope you all enjoy it. Xxx