Author's note: Time after Time has not been abandoned. I just started a new job and a lot of my time is going to that. I'm still working on this story though – just slower updates. TW: Talk of sexual assault. Stay safe!
Caitlin and Barry had a random Saturday to themselves and the to best friends took full advantage of it. She knew that she wanted to see her best friend, as he wanted to see her, and today was as good a day as any to tell him how Madeline came about. Was she worried? Definitely. She didn't now how Barry would fair with her telling him that she got pregnant through an assault. She also didn't know if he would judge her for getting in that position in the first place. She didn't think so but she was still judging herself. Just then, there was a knock on her front door and she checked her reflection in the mirror. She'd have to do. Walking towards the front hall in her apartment, she went and opened the door, smiling at Barry the next moment. "Hello."
"Hey, Cait," he smiled back at her, hands shoved into his pockets as she opened the door further to grant him access inside of her apartment. He walked inside, taking a look around. "So Maddy is with your parents today?"
"Yes," Caitlin replied with a nod. "Grandma wanted to see her and said, and I quote, that I "need a break from my kid and the chance to hang out with people my own age again."
Barry laughed. "Let me guess, your mom?"
"No, actually, my dad," Caitlin replied with a laugh. "He's determined for me to reconnect with you and Cisco."
"He is the one who told us you were moving home after all," Barry agreed and Caitlin smiled as much as she could. She still didn't know if she had quite forgiven her dad for that one yet. She knew Thomas Snow's heart was in the right place but at least her mother had respected her wishes to not tell anyone.
"I know," she replied quietly.
Barry frowned at her. "Why don't you seem happy that we know you were moving back home?"
Caitlin chewed on her lip indecisively for a moment before sighing. "I've just put some fresh coffee on. Why don't we take a seat on the couch? I think it's time you knew."
XXX
Once they had their coffees, Caitlin and Barry sat on her couch, facing one another, and Caitlin took a sip of her coffee. She needed time to collect herself.
"So, uh, how bad is it?" Barry asked quietly and Caitlin smiled, ever pleased with his ability to read her like a book.
"It's pretty bad, Barr," she whispered, and Barry placed his hand on her knee, squeezing it comfortingly.
"Take your time," he murmured.
Caitlin nodded her head, cleared her throat, and began telling her tale. "There was a party one year in college. My roommate, Felicity, asked me to go with her. I decided it wouldn't kill me to be a little social so I went but Barry, I swear all I had to drink was a soda."
He nodded, mouth set in grim line as if he knew where this story was headed and was in no rush to speed along the process. "I believe you."
Those three words caused profound relief in Caitlin's chest cavity. She continued onward with her story. "His name is Jay. He was a year older than me and I met him at the party that night, officially. I had seen him around campus a few times, in-between classes, and things, but we hadn't ever actually met. He must have slipped something in my drink because – because the next thing I remember, I'm feeling lightheaded and I'm on someone's bed." She paused here as Barry inhaled sharply, tears obscuring her vision because it was still so painful for her to think about.
Barry wrapped his arm around her shoulders hesitantly, and she leaned into his old, taking the hesitance out of the movement because she didn't mind being touched by him. She accepted the tissue he handed her, dotting along the corners of her eyes. "Take your time."
She appreciated the fact that he didn't try to offer empty platitudes about it being okay because it wasn't. What her body was subjected to was not okay. "I – uhm, feel like I'm partly at fault. Not because I was asking for it or didn't say no or stop but because…" She trailed off, ducking her head in shame.
"Hey, Cait, its okay. You were violated in one of the worst ways possible. I know you didn't ask for that," Barry said softly, pressing his head next to hers' in a comforting manner.
She inhaled shakily as she nodded and looked back at him. "Barry – I came."
He squeezed her hand gently. "Your body had a normal reaction. That, in no way, means you wanted it. You didn't ask for it and you didn't do anything wrong; you hear me?"
"Promise?" Caitlin asked in a wobbly voice as her lip trembled.
"Swear," Barry breathed.
She nodded, letting the last bit of the residual tension melt away from her. "Mom and dad know. Maddy doesn't, nor will she ever if I can help it. I don't love her any less."
"Did Jay go to jail?" Barry asked quietly and she swallowed thickly.
"I-I didn't report it," she murmured, cheeks red as she became even more embarrassed of the situation.
"Oh, Caitlin," Barry murmured, squeezing her hand gently. "That's okay. I'm sorry this guy isn't in jail but you have done nothing wrong."
"What if he's attacking other girls?" Caitlin whispered in a fear-riddled voice. It was her biggest fear next to Jay somehow finding out about Maddy and forcing himself into their lives.
"That's not your fault," Barry said seriously. "If he is, that's on him completely and one day or another, he'll get caught."
Caitlin closed her eyes, a couple of tears slipping down her cheeks. "I promised myself I wouldn't cry over this anymore. Over what happened to me."
"If you didn't cry every once in a while, I'd be nervous," Barry admitted with a crooked smile.
Caitlin laughed hoarsely. "I guess that's true."
It was quiet for a couple of moments before Barry spoke up again. "I have to ask – why didn't you just call me? I would have come there."
"I know you would have," Caitlin sighed. "But I hadn't talked to you or Cisco for a while at that point. I needed to know that I could survive it on my own."
"You got pregnant Cait," Barry reminded her gently.
"I know," Caitlin said quietly. "I raised Maddy the first two years there and then we came back here. My parents wanted me to come home straight away. I-I just couldn't face that as an option at the time."
"Why?" Barry inquired softly.
Caitlin sighed again. "I was embarrassed Barr. I had cut off all connection with my two best friends – the two people in the world who would have supported me the most – and I didn't even press charges."
"That's nothing to be ashamed of," he said softly, cupping her elbow as he turned to face her. "Jay scared you. He did something so inhumane that I don't blame you for just wanting to be done with everything he represented. But, Cait, you're always going to carry a part of him around through Maddy."
"What do you want me to say?" Caitlin asked wearily, rubbing her forehead.
"Are you going to therapy?" Barry asked knowingly.
"No," Caitlin snorted. "What on earth am I supposed to say to a therapist?"
"How about the truth?" Barry asked gently.
Caitlin studied him for a moment. "If I go, will you come with me?"
"Always," he replied firmly and that was a little bit less of a weight on Caitlin's chest.