Caitlin spent the next couple of weeks going to therapy and learning coping mechanisms to help her deal with her rape. And she was finally able to put a name to the attack and not shy away from it. What Jay had done to her was inexcusable and the only good thing that came out of it was Maddy. She loved her daughter more than life itself and she was so honored to be her mom. It was an afternoon that Cisco had taken Maddy with Hartley, the two pseudo godfathers doting on her daughter and spoiling her. Caitlin had some mail she needed to sort through, and Barry was coming over later to eat a homecooked meal Caitlin was preparing for everyone, her parents included. There was a knock on her door as her fingers picked up an envelope addressed to her. The writing looked somewhat familiar but she couldn't place it. Opening it under the slit, she walked to the door to let Barry in after making sure it was him.
"Hey, Cait," he grinned.
"Hey, Barry," she replied back, staring down at the letter. "Give me one second." She read the letter, breathing becoming irregular and Caitlin made her way to her couch so she had something firm underneath her.
"Caitlin?" Barry asked apprehensively but she just shook her head, unable to answer. She swallowed thickly a couple of times before turning petrified eyes onto her best friend.
"How did he get my address?" Caitlin whispered in a terrified voice.
"Who?" Barry demanded, eyes falling to the letter in her hands as he sat down next to her. "Cait, who got your address? You look pale as a ghost."
"J-Jay," she whispered, lip trembling. "This is a letter from him, asking me to meet up with him and talk."
Barry's eyes hardened, turning black due to his anger and he all but snatched the letter out of her hand and crumpled it up into a ball, and he looked at her. "You're not meeting up with him." His tone was flat and decisive.
Caitlin shook her head. "No, I know that. I don't want to meet up with him. He has nothing he'll be able to say that will make me forgive him. But God, Barry, what if he finds out about Maddy?"
Barry cupped her cheeks tenderly as her breathing got heavy. "Caitlin? Cait, listen to me. Focus on my voice."
"I-I can't," she whispered, teeth grinding together as her body shook.
Barry realized what was happening at the same time she did. "Okay, you're having a panic attack. Try and take a breath for me."
"It hurts," she muttered, breathing deeply through the pain in her chest cavity that was open wide and raw like a bullet wound.
"I know it does," he murmured, curving a hand down her face and Caitlin leaned into it. "Just try to take a couple of deep breaths for me."
"I can't breathe," she uttered. Caitlin realized that Barry must have decided it was time for drastic measures because he cradled her face gently, as if it were made of porcelain, and he pressed his lips to hers' in a short but searing kiss. It was barely long enough to get Caitlin to move her own lips against his but the way the breath had been knocked out of her for a second, more pleasant than the first time situation, left Caitlin wondering why she had never kissed him before. Breathing deeply and smiling when her heartrate slowed down, she pulled back as Barry pressed his forehead against hers', eyes studying her carefully.
"Did that help, Cait?" Barry asked sweetly and she smiled, nodding her head as it was pressed against his.
"That – that did," she murmured, staring at him. "Barry – what?"
"That's something I've been dreaming about doing for years," he admitted in a whisper and she closed her eyes, relishing in the fact that he could openly admit to having the same dreams as her.
"Why didn't you?" Caitlin asked softly.
Barry chuckled quietly. "I don't know. Fear, perhaps? Fear over the fact that I could potentially ruin the best friendship I've ever had just because I'm in love with my best friend?"
"Barry…," Caitlin trailed off. "I've loved you since I met you. Nothing or no one has ever come close to giving me the same feeling you give me."
"Why didn't you say anything?" Barry asked quietly.
She sighed and said one name. "Iris."
"Is not you," Barry was quick to remind her in a gentle tone. "And we broke up a while ago."
"I know that now," Caitlin murmured. "And I know it's my own fault for not knowing because I had moved away. I'm – god, Barry – I'm so sorry."
"Shh," he murmured, kissing the corner of her lips. "It's okay. You did what was best for you at the time and I respect that. I don't care that I didn't have a huge part of your past at one point. As long as I can be a part of your present and future.
Caitlin smiled, kissing him once more tenderly. "That sounds like a good plan to me. But Barry – what are we going to do about Jay?"
"If we need to get Joe to issue a restraining order, we will," he said firmly but quietly. "He's not getting to you or Maddy. I won't allow it."
Caitlin felt like she could breathe easier at his words and nodded her head. "Thank you."
It was a quiet murmur filled with so much gratitude because she believed Barry when he said that Jay wasn't getting to her – them – again. He had already wrought irreversible pain onto her life and she'd be damned before he found out about Maddy. "Of course. What are we going to tell Maddy?"
"I'm going to tell her the truth about you," she murmured, peering up at him from behind her eyelashes. "She already adores you and it's important to me that she has a good male in her life. Cisco and Hartley are great but I want to show her that healthy relationships do exist. It's been me and her, her whole life. It's time for a change."
"I'm honored to be a part of that," Barry replied, smiling at her gently.
Caitlin felt safe for the first time in too long and that was honestly good enough for now. Everything else, she'd handle it as it came.
Author's note: I hope you enjoyed this mixture of emotions-related chapter. Anyone guess what Jay is up to?