Afterlife
Lost in a dark place, gone, but I'm back now
-dangerkids, 'Unmade'
The tired soldiers didn't return to the Mother of Invention. They didn't return to Kisin. They went somewhere completely new. Together, Phoenix and Freelancer buried Mike on a hill overlooking the prefab base. Irons presided over the memorial service. Such as it was.
Hannah's father looked as worn down as she felt. But he'd actually smiled when he hugged her close. He'd actually said, "I'm so proud of you."
Project Freelancer shut down as soon as the funding was cut. Director Church was indicted and his trial was set to begin one week after the coalition hit the blacksite. As it turned out, bureaucracy could only stall for hours when a mob of righteous civilians took to the streets to show their support for peace between the UNSC and the URF. For the Outer Colonies to self-govern, at last.
And the URF pivoted. Instead of fighting for freedom using dirty methods, they had turned outward to face the Covenant army. Now they only had to fight on one front, not two.
The UNSC entered heavy restructuring. It would be months before all of the crooked officers were rooted out, but now every law enforcer had the files and after-action reports they needed for evidence.
Phoenix gathered, as if they could find a place anywhere else, on the roof at midnight. The largest moon hung directly overhead, full and bright. They were dressed in civilian clothes for once, as casual as possible.
Phil set the lantern down in the middle of their circle. He sat back on his hands and sighed up at the stars. "I guess I'll start," he said heavily.
Ian unscrewed the cap from a beaten and battered bottle of vodka and passed it to his second. Phil barely glanced down at it as he took a deep breath. "When I met Mike, there was almost nothing left of him. It was right after his sister was killed and he was just like the rest of us. Lost. Looking for somewhere he belonged. For a reason to keep going."
He paused and took a swig of vodka. "He would've hated all this fuss. But he was family. For years he kept us going."
Aaron took the bottle next. "Damn, mate, I know you're glad you went out like the big goddamn hero we always knew you were. But you could have at least waited for the rest of us. You better be resting easy with Amy."
Geist threaded his fingers through Aaron's with one hand, accepting the bottle with the other. He stared down at the label, lost in thought. Then he downed a healthy swallow and said, "He thought he let us down sometimes. He never did. There's a reason we trusted him with our lives every single day."
"He saved my life more times than I can count. But those two times…" Lucas shook his head and took a long drink. "Those two times mean the world to me."
Isaac tightened his arm around Lucas' shoulders and gently freed the bottle from his white-knuckled grip. "He certainly was family. He was patient and kind. He loved to teach you things about yourself. All the good stuff you barely saw, you know? And that smile when you understood why he cared so much. I'm glad he knew he never let me down."
Then Hannah had a half-empty bottle of vodka in her hands and she didn't know where to look. She glanced up at the darkness pierced by silver. At the tiny spots of life in the black. And she thought of the calm, comforting presence at her back when her life was falling apart over and over again. She raised the bottle and fought back a sigh.
The words came out thick, struggling through her tight throat. "Mike. For all the times you saw right through me. For all the times you sat with me, asking for nothing in return. For bringing me back to life. I fucking miss you. I'm right behind you, man."
She put the bottle to her lips and let the alcohol scorch her throat.
"He was family," Kyle said with a shrug. He drank, too.
"What can I even say about Mike?" said Jason, taking the vodka and running his thumb along the edge of the label. "He was easy to talk to. He never judged. He wanted to please everyone. Even at his lowest, he could make you laugh. He was the best of us."
Then Ian was taking the vodka back. "I don't regret much," he admitted, "but I should have done something. I should have learned after... I..." Shaking his head, Ian took a drink and screwed the lid back on.
They stayed up there all night, grieving together like the twisted and broken toy soldiers they were.
Hannah's elbow burned as she joined the crowd in the mess hall. They had pushed three tables together to make a single long one where former Freelancers and Phoenixes ate and socialized. They sat in two sections out of habit, but Hannah noticed far more conversations spanning the gap than even days ago.
Lucas' eyes darted from his argument with Aaron to Hannah's arm. His mouth twitched upward when she gave him a better look at the bird outlined on her triceps. The one that matched his. It matched all of Phoenix now.
She rapped on the table with one fist. Slowly, the chatter faded and eyes turned her direction.
"I'm leaving tomorrow. Irons has a lead on Covenant forces massing out by Alpha Centuri and I'm taking anyone interested in checking it out. With the UNSC—let's not sugarcoat it—in the shitter, somebody's got to pick up the slack. This was what I was born to do."
Hands went up and she noted the volunteers.
"Great. Enjoy your meal. You know where and when to find me. Anyone not on that bird out of here's getting left behind, I don't care how sorry you are."
"Got a minute?"
Hannah set her weights back on the rack and scrubbed her face on a towel. "Always, Phil."
He didn't quite smile—he hadn't managed one since the blacksite—but his expression eased a little. "I've been thinking."
"A dangerous pastime," she said, despite the still-healing hole blasted through her heart.
But it seemed to put him even more at ease. He took a breath and said, "I want to change the galaxy."
"We already did."
"We started to," he corrected. "I'm staying with Ian for now, but… I've started working with Irons. Coordinating. Contacting people who would be a good fit for our new little outfit. Getting them out of the red tape, that sort of thing."
"That's awesome, man. Good for you." Hannah smiled, surprising herself.
"We're really proud of you. Phoenix, I mean. You're right where you're supposed to be. And I'm going to miss you."
She fell into his arms. They held each other close. "God, I hope you know how grateful I am. For everything."
"Take care of yourself. And the rest of them. Don't know what we'd do without you."
They broke apart, appraising each other.
"You don't have to find out," she promised.
"You're coming with me, right?"
Cali—having abandoned their Freelancer name-rolled onto their stomach, fixing Hannah with a serious grey stare. "Where else am I gonna go?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe you've changed your mind on all things Innie and want to give it a try."
They snorted and threw their pillow at her. She ducked with a squeak.
"Or maybe you're planning on running away to join the circus. You'd fit right in."
"I don't even know what the fuck that's supposed to mean, but I'm still offended!"
"I'm going to owe Aaron twenty-seven credits if you come with me."
"Now I'm even more offended! How could you, Hannah? Twenty-seven? I'm worth at least forty-seven."
"You'd better find some way to cope. You're stuck with me now."
They grinned. "Oh no. You're stuck with me now."
Alex—York—sat down for a couple hands of cards and swindled her soundly. That seemed to lift his spirits a bit.
"I need someone like you," she said.
"I know," he answered with a shrug.
"Good."
"Good."
"You're still annoying."
"I know." But the ghost of a smile touched his eyes.
"And you still make me spill my guts when I really don't want to."
"You should know better by now."
Hannah tossed her cards down, defeated. "You know, I really should. But I've got a lot left on my mind."
"I'm all ears, Steele."
So, for the first time, Hannah told someone all about the nightmares that woke her in a cold sweat. She told someone about her doubts. She told someone about the shadow that hung over her, closer some days than others, the desire to fill that empty grave that still dogged her every step. She told someone about the splitting seams that still threatened to rip her life to shreds she'd never be able to put back into place. She told someone why she thought she shouldn't still be alive.
Alex listened quietly until she was done. Then he really did smile.
"I'm glad you're alive, Hannah."
Geist handed her a data pad.
"What's this?" she asked, gesturing with it.
"My dossier," he said. "You deserve to know what's in it."
She handed it back. "I don't need to know."
"Aren't you curious?"
Was she? Some things were just taboo. Some ground hallowed, and her footsteps weren't consecrated. Yeah, she wanted to know. But she didn't think he should give up his close-guarded secrets out of a sense of duty.
"If you feel comfortable telling me, I'd like to listen."
He watched her carefully, weighing something in his mind against whatever he saw.
On the third anniversary of Hannah becoming a Phoenix, Geist told her what his name was.
"So I really can't convince you to come with me?"
Carolina, unlike the other former Freelancers, clung desperately to her callsign. She stood firm, arms crossed. But she didn't glare down her nose at Hannah anymore. She said, "It's not that I don't think you're doing something good."
"But…?"
"But I think I need some time alone. Nobody breathing down my neck or anything."
Hannah nodded. "I hope you find what you're looking for."
And she meant it. Even if Carolina had never been friendly. It wouldn't have been fair to force her down a path she didn't want to take. Hannah knew how important it was to, dramatic as it sounded, find herself. She wouldn't keep Carolina from taking the chance to do the same.
"Take care of York."
"What am I? A babysitter?"
"You know what I mean."
Hannah felt her eyebrows lift impossibly high. "If you're that worried about him, call from time to time. You know he'll drop everything and answer."
"Stay out of my business."
Hannah held up her hands and backed away.
"You boys are going to be okay without me?"
Sunlight streamed in from the window, hitting Hannah's face and shooing the shadows from the room.
Lucas fiddled with something, Isaac perched on the edge of the workbench near him. It was the engineer who answered, "I like to think we can manage for a week or two."
"Are you being safe?" she asked sweetly.
Lucas blushed right to the tips of his ears and Isaac laughed until he broke off into a coughing fit. He waved Lucas away.
"That better be a yes," she went on, trying to school her expression into sternness and failing.
"You're worse than Ian," Isaac fired back.
"Take that back, or so help me—"
"Ceasefire!" Lucas held his hands up in surrender. "I am literally begging you."
"So many comments," Hannah clutched at her chest and forced the words out as if it pained her, "so little time."
"And on that note, I've decided I won't miss you at all." But Isaac winked.
"And I'm disowning you," added Lucas.
"You can't do that," Hannah complained.
Lucas caved almost immediately, lunging and dragging her back to crush her in a hug. Isaac joined them.
"Don't be a stranger."
"You know how to find me."
"Well, Boss Lady, never thought I'd see the day." Aaron nodded to the pressed uniform hanging in her closet.
"Ugh, don't even remind me. Irons insisted. I think I'm going to be too sick to get out of bed the day of the hearing."
Or too frozen in cryosleep as they jumped to the opposite end of the galaxy to fight some aliens.
"Can't say I blame you. Church gives me the creeps. He better rot in the slammer for a hundred years."
"We can only hope," she agreed. "So you're coming with me, right?"
He lifted a brow. "You really are stupid, aren't you?"
"Hey now, I didn't want to assume."
"Oh, sure, thought I'd ship my fiancé off with one of my best mates and stay here, twiddling my thumbs, did ya?"
Hannah pulled a convincing scowl. "I hate you so fucking much."
He grinned. "Love you, bitch."
She ran into Kyle in the hall. "Just the man I wanted to see."
He looked surprised at that, but waved for her to join him. They headed toward the training room together. The silence once would have stretched like a frayed rope between them. Now he matched her shorter stride and clung like her shadow.
"I have a lot of respect for you," she said after several minutes.
"All right, I'll confess the feeling is mutual," he answered.
"Then it wouldn't feel right if I didn't personally invite you to join my team," Hannah continued. "We worked well together and I'm not too proud to admit that. You're an asset to Phoenix if you stay with them, but it would be a damn shame to lose you to Ian."
His mouth twisted.
"Please don't make the obvious joke," she said, before he could get the words out.
"Fine, I won't." But the glee danced in his eyes. "But I'll join your team. Someone's gotta keep an eye on you."
She scoffed. "You're the one that needs a parent or guardian to sign your permission forms."
"I'm almost as old as you!" he complained.
"It's the baby face. Don't think I'll fall for the wide-eyed innocent look you've got going. I wasn't born yesterday. I've seen what you're capable of."
It was his turn to scoff. "And yet, here you are, using your good manners to politely request a unit transfer because you actually might like me."
"Don't let it go to your head. It might just be that you're a good soldier."
"Fine, but only if I get a new codename."
"Done."
It was late that night. Hannah stalked the halls, unable to sleep as the regrets swirled through her head. As the memories burned behind her eyes every time she let them close. She knocked, waited, then entered Mark's room.
He was still dressed, his bed still neatly made, and he had a data pad in hand. "I thought you were supposed to sleep early the night before an op."
"Already gave up."
"I'll have to report you to your CO, you know."
"Aw, she's only a hardass until she gets back to base. Total pushover once the armour's off."
He snorted. "I don't believe that for a second."
"I just wanted to make sure you're absolutely sure you don't want to stay with your brother."
He set the data pad on his desk, tapping a finger idly as he gazed at Hannah. Then he pushed a hand through his normally tidy hair. "I do want to. But sometimes, you have to let your little brother live his own life."
"Ian?" she guessed.
It was no secret that Mark would never be a fan of the former Insurrectionist. And she wouldn't blame him after everything he'd been through. It was a miracle he tolerated Ian's presence as much as he did now, even for a short week.
"Ian."
"They're happy?" she offered.
"Then I'm happy for Jason."
"Me, too."
"I'm a bit surprised you and Harper didn't have a knock-down, drag-out fight about that. Personal growth, Hannah?"
She shrugged. "What's the point? They're consenting adults. They know each other's flaws."
"I thought you two would have worked enough out to manage being friends." The disappointment crept into his tone.
Another shrug. "I thought I'd give him enough space to decide what he wanted to do."
"Alpha Centuri is a lot of space," he said diplomatically.
"Well. Last time I left without a word to fight the big bad aliens, he found his way back into my life. Doubt we'll get a repeat performance, and if that's the case, then that's fine with me. I meant it, Mark. I'm done going backwards. We have enough to keep us busy for, oh, another couple of decades. For starters."
He shifted his hand to tap on the data pad's screen. "So we do."
"I'll let you get some rest," said Hannah. "Big day tomorrow. Get your sleep."
"I'm right behind you."
As the door shut between them, Hannah sighed and wondered if he truly understood what sort of commitment that was.
The first fingers of dawn touched the sky as Hannah made her way into the hangar. Despite the hour, she wasn't the first to arrive.
The lanky man with dark hair and brutal burn scars leaned against the Pelican's hull. Something flashed between his fingers, catching the weak daylight and throwing it over her face. He didn't look up, but it was clear he knew she was there.
It would be cowardly to avoid him now.
So she crossed the hangar, sliding her thumbs into her belt loops. Her armour was on already, helmet magnetized to her back and weapons aboard the Lady Persephone, waiting for her team. Even Irons was up there, coordinating with Beggar, who would be overseeing Phoenix now.
The two spooks got on like a house on fire. But they had willingly agreed to the soldiers' one condition. Full transparency in all matters. With Phil and Lucas to keep them honest, Hannah wasn't worried about that condition being broken.
Jason flipped the piece of metal over his knuckles again and Hannah's breath caught at the sight of her dice pin.
"Pretty sure this belongs to you," he said, eyes still glued to the pin.
"It was a part of me that I buried with them," she answered.
"Omen."
She nodded. "That's not me anymore."
Blue gaze met blue. "I don't think you're Blizzard anymore either."
Was she? Did that revenant still live in her bones? Or had it been satisfied, laid back to rest, and forgiven?
Being forgotten doesn't mean you're forgiven.
Dom had been right, but she never intended to hide that skeleton in her closet. She'd meant every word she'd said on the roof the other night. And every word shared with her Phoenix family. That part of her life may be over now, but she never wanted to forget who she had been. Why she had been that person.
"I don't think so either," she said at last.
"I think…" Jason frowned, still deftly spinning the pin through his fingers with practiced movements. "I think I'm still Hunter."
She gave him a once-over, noting the angle of his jaw and the set of his shoulders. The sparks dancing in his eyes. The way he lazed against the Pelican. And Hannah nodded.
"But I think I'm ready to learn to be someone else," he went on.
"Then I wish you luck figuring that out." And she meant it.
"Look after Mark for me."
"More like he'll be looking after me."
Jason smirked. "He has a habit of doing that. Reminds me a lot of…"
"He's a lot nosier, but I can see it."
"And make sure Aaron stays out of trouble."
"I could say the same about you."
With one hand, he waved her off. With the other, he presented her pin.
She hesitated. She knew what it would remind her of if she took it.
But his expression was calm, not hopeful.
So she took it.
"There you are, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed."
Ian, as always, announced his presence with a crooked grin. He sauntered into the hangar, tripped over his own feet, recovered, jammed his hands into his pockets as if nothing happened, and bumped his hip against Jason's.
"Nice save," drawled Hannah, swiftly pocketing the pin.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"If you came to remind me to feed Aaron, you're too late. We already talked about that."
Ian shot Jason a hurt look. "You were supposed to wait for me to do that part."
He shrugged. "You were off… being distracted by something shiny."
Ian sighed dreamily. "I was, wasn't I?" Then he dropped the act and turned the full force of his stare on Hannah. "My previous statement still stands. You were a perfect Phoenix. I'm sorry it didn't work out between us, but you'll always have a place here."
No claws. No fangs. Just a compliment, no strings attached. Hannah nearly called him on it, but decided not to.
She really was a different person than the broken thing they had pulled out of the mud that day.
"I know. But this is something I have to do. Thanks for…" she searched for a moment and decided to finish with, "everything."
Ian shook her hand. With his biological hand. And he didn't recoil as if stung.
Maybe he was becoming someone better, too.
Behind them, the rest of their personnel filed in, right on schedule.
"We'd better get dusted off," she said, taking a deep breath.
"Yeah, my lot's gotta…" Ian gestured vaguely over his shoulder with a thumb.
"Don't let me hold you up." Hannah turned to her new team.
Aaron and Mark drew up, chatting together, and broke off when they noticed her attention land. Aaron gave the sloppiest salute she had ever seen. Mark rolled his eyes.
At least he was settling in with the Phoenix cross-plants.
Hannah glanced over a shoulder to check how that was received by Ian.
His forehead rested against Jason's, in spite of the audience filing in. His hands were lost in black hair, cradling the back of his neck gently. "Burn with me," he whispered.
Jason nodded, eyes closed and breathing coming fast. Their lips met and, for once, Hannah didn't find a trace of vicious possession. They weren't constantly struggling to one-up each other. She gave them privacy for a long minute before turning fully to face them.
"Ian."
He paused, looking back over a shoulder.
Hannah caught his eye. She pulled her spine straight and, with the commanding tone she'd found as she'd spoken to the galaxy, she said, "If you hurt Jason, I will make you past tense."
He snorted, starting to grin as he turned back to follow the rest of his team to their own Pelican, pulling Jason by the wrist. "As if I'd give you the excuse. Be seeing you, Steele."
She caught the infection of his smile. Squeezing the pin tight, she felt its edges bite into her palm. "I'm right behind you."
Cali shifted, impatient to get underway. They were itching to face some aliens. To test themselves against a real challenge now that the UNSC and URF had relinquished their stranglehold on each other.
"So," said Mark, stepping back to let Hannah pass and take her place at the head of the marching order, "you want to name us something dramatic?"
She shook her head and pulled her helmet on. Her HUD flickered on, placing her in the centre of her new and improved 360-degree field of vision. Paris looked a little disappointed to not be getting a flashy new team name. Eclipse was hiding a shit-eating grin behind their polarized visor, already knowing what Hannah would say. And at her side, Geist slipped his hand into Firefly's, not caring who saw. Behind them, Paladin rolled his shoulders and stepped with a definite swagger. They moved as one, perfectly in phase. Like they had spent their entire lives breathing together. Fighting and winning and losing together. Like they hadn't come from different sides of a long, bloody war that was only barely ending.
On a lush green world, millions of light years away, a volcanic glass monument was all that remained of Hannah Steele's old life. She had nearly declared herself KIA that day, years ago. She had climbed out of her grave and continued the fight she had started with Dom, back when she had been someone else. The fight that had always mattered more than arguing over which patch of dirt was whose.
The fight she and the soldiers at her back were heading off to fight now.
"Welcome to Fireteam Orange," said Starlight.
Wow. At no point in the writing process did I think we'd be here together. This project started back in 2019 as a fun little what-if scenario. It never would have gotten finished without the endless cheerleading of Minaethiel and the long late-night talks with BrambleStar14. These two did so much work helping make this adventure what it is today.
Since starting this fic, I graduated university, went back to school, got married, adopted a dog, edited this fic three times (and still left embarrassing typos for the beta readers) and RT shut down. Which is wild. And more than 1500 discrete sets of eyes found this fic despite being a spinoff of a spinoff hidden behind an M rating. It means so much more than I can say that people joined Hannah and me on this journey. I hope everyone enjoyed it.
That's it from Hannah. That's it from me, Tuney. But if I've learned one thing from our resident Helljumper survivor, it's this.
We're right behind you.