Chapter Five
Trade My Joy For My Protection.

It would have been an acceptable solution if Kaz had not had to resolve three damned bar fights over the next fortnight. Jesper was many things but apparently original was not one of them. The bigger problem occurred when there was no bar involved in the situation. It appeared that Jesper was not picky about what he did to distract Inej when she froze. To Kaz's increased frustration the sharpshooter had fallen back to what he knew best... shooting. The noise of the bullets awakening Inej and getting her to move. This had happened twice now during jobs that were otherwise going smoothly, a dreg would fall against Inej whilst scouting or a merchant would be recognizable to her and she became the now recognizable block of unmoving ice. Kaz had continued to ignore this when it happened but Jesper was quick to notice and within moments of her freezing, something would go remarkably wrong in order to cover for it.

Inej was becoming a liability and Kaz would not have it, not when she was finally becoming useful. She had taken to her training from Anika like a fish to water, leaping and rolling from the roofs as if the laws of gravity were simply a suggestion and not one she deigned to follow.

Kaz was not in his office tonight, he sat at the smaller desk in his room and resisted the urge to pull his own hair out when thinking about the money he had lost tonight. Jesper had decided to shoot down the sign that had hung above their target's head. They had still gotten paid, but Kaz would have been able to rob the targets as well if the job had gone to his plan.

A sharp knock on his window caused him to pause and collect himself.

"There is a door." Was his greeting and permission for Inej to slide the window open and make her way into the room. Her feet landed lightly on the floor, making no thud, if there was dust Kaz thought there would be no imprint.

"Anika said you wanted to see me after my training."

"Sit." He guested to the seat in front of his desk. She moved towards it, and he saw her eyes surveying the room, her back was to the door and he could see how this increased her nerves. It was all part of the problem.

He took his time shuffling and placing the paperwork in front of him in his drawer, giving her time to collect herself and himself time to think how to phrase this. It wasn't that this was a difficult conversation, it was just that he had been hoping it would resolve itself without his having to become involved.

"I should take money out of your cut."

"It was Jesper who shot."

"For you. Because you cannot control yourself." He snapped and she wilted.

"What do you want from me?" Her eyes looked tired and more than anything frustrated with herself. He knew what it was to be frustrated with your weaknesses.

"I won't have a liability on my jobs, and I cannot step in and protect you from every little comment the other Dregs may make about you, the barrel is not that large, you are going to run into ex-clients and you put my payout at jeopardy if you cannot control yourself."

"You haven't protected me from anything!"

"And I won't! It would do nothing for you, if I stepped in every time you froze up, then you would be seen as weaker than they already think you are. It would not help you Inej, and Jesper's antics aren't helping you either."

Inej looked furious and she stood from the chair, surprising Kaz for the slightest moment even though he was careful to not let it show.

"You don't know what it's like! Am I supposed to forget? Forget what has been done to me when I have to see the men? When I have to sleep in the same building as them? You think I want to remember every time?"

"Sit down, now." He stared at her, holding eye contact until she had slowed her breathing down and seated herself.

"I don't know what it's like, I don't care to know. Your weaknesses are owning you Inej and you need to learn to turn them into weapons."

"How do I do that?" Her words came out heavy, still breathing harder than before.

Kaz reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small rectangular box, placing it on the desk between them. "You start with an actual weapon."

Inej eyed the box with apprehension. "I told you I won't kill."

"Do I end a life every time I fight? Does Jesper murder with each bullet? You want the Dregs to leave you alone then you need to give them a reason to. You need to strike fear into their hearts because nothing else will penetrate them. Take it."

Her hands moved forward, and she took the box and pulled the lid off, he watched her admire the small knife, lithe fingers traced the hilt slowly before grasping it, lifting it out of the box and letting the candlelight glint off its sharp edges.

"You start lessons with Anika tomorrow, she knows the basics of knife work, but I expect you to surpass her quickly. Every time the knife leaves your fingers, think of those who wronged you and think of how much harder you can make it for them to ever touch you again. Weaponize your fear and be the danger I saw when we met. Feel the hilt by your side and know you don't need protection, protect yourself."

Her eyes were lost in thought as she held the knife, he could see the change as she held it, the reassurance, and he was satisfied.

"Thank you, Kaz."

He scowled, "Don't become a liability to me Inej, I invested too much." He began to busy himself with a payout sheet of yesterday's job, as uncomfortable with gratefulness as he was with the concept of apologies.

"Do you want me to leave?" He had not dismissed her as he normally would, despite the knife calming her she appeared still shaky, if not from the conversation than from the mentioning that those who had visited the menagerie were a part of the Slat itself. Kaz was used to seeing enemies everywhere he looked, he supposed she was too.

"Do what you want." He didn't take his eyes off his desk and heard her stand and make her way to the windowsill, but she did not move out of it and after a few minutes he let himself look up.

She was perched upon the windowsill, her back against the wall and leg stretched out along it with the other against her chest. Her focus was on the knife as she held it in her palm as if feeling the weight of it. She held her other hand slightly out the window and Kaz realized it was drizzling outside, the water ran down Inej's fingertips and dripped to the ground below. Much like the girl before him, the water made no noise as it fell.

Kaz shook himself from his own gaze and began working again, he didn't speak and neither did she.

They functioned like this, bells late into the night, the silence was not discomforting.

When she did leave, without a word of goodbye, but the window shut behind her, Kaz felt a pang of… something he couldn't recognize, a feeling he didn't know the name of.

He approached his window and pushed it open slightly.

He kept it unlocked after that night.

AN:
I am still unsure about whether I've done this scene justice. We know from the books that Kaz was the one to give Inej her first knife, I was really excited to explore that and look at what led to it. Let me know what you thought. Thank you for the comments and support!
Review Responses:
Thanks for the support ClintAndNatasha!

Cat K- Okay confession! I had zero plans of looking further into what Jesper said to Inej, I don't know why but I just did not think about it at all, after reading your review I've decided it will come up again later in the story and will be explained at some stage, I'm up to about chapter eleven right now in writing so it will be after that. Yes, I think even though in the books we see some of Jesper's jealously, you can still really tell he cares for Inej and I wanted to show his protective side!

Thank you, everyone!
~ ThisMayFlower