"PONYBOY!?" Soda's voice called out into my ear. It was like a breath of fresh air when I heard him. Instantly I started crying. I regretted leaving for a brief moment but I looked back. Kitty was sitting near the phone booth, most likely looking out for people who were going to enter. It was at that moment that I knew I couldn't go back.

"Soda… Im sorry," my voice was breaking at every word.

"Ponyboy, where are you? Please come home," Soda was crying. It was like I could imagine him right then. His body hunched over the phone as he cried into it.

"Im not mad at you Sodapop. But Im not coming home," My voice was breaking still but now I was confident. Soda's cries could be heard over the phone. "One day Soda… I'll come back, okay?" It was a promise I wasn't really planning on keeping.

"Tell me at least where you're going," Soda's voice was a bit hoarse. I contemplated telling him and then I did. "New York…" Soda's cries got a bit louder and then it sounded like the phone was passed.

"Ponyboy, look I'm sorry-" it was Darry, I could feel my blood go cold as I was close to putting the phone away. Darry's voice continued. "I should've never hit you. Please, come home," Darry begged. It sounded like he was crying. I could almost hear how tired Soda and Darry were, and I found myself regretting it.

"Im sorry…" I wanted to continue but I heard something outside the phone booth, "I have to go now bye." I hung up the phone as quickly as I could, even when I heard Darry try to say something. When I turned around I saw Kitty on the ground with a guy who had a switchblade to her throat.

I busted out of the phone booth and attacked the guy. Kitty got the memo and grabbed the switchblade. She must not have known how to hold a switchblade because she held it by the blade. The guy was tough, he was strong too. I held onto his neck, even if it was difficult with the way he was trying to shove me off. I made sure to let go when he stopped hitting me.

When I looked up at Kitty she was looking at me then at her hand. I looked at it, there was a steady stream of blood coming from it. Some blood falling to the floor in little drips. "We need to patch that up," I told her, she just nodded as she set the switchblade in her pocket. We ran back up to our room and I looked around for bandages as she cleaned her wound.

I mentally cussed myself out. There were no bandages in the room. When she came out of the bathroom there was a glazed-over look in her eyes. I didnt know if it was fear or what, but she didnt care when I poked and prodded at her wound. It wasn't deep and wouldn't scar, maybe. "It's fine. Let's just leave it for now," Kitty said as she pulled her hand away and sat down on the bed.

I just nodded and sat down on the other side of the bed. Driving for hours didnt help but soon we would be in New York. As I was about to go to sleep Kitty's voice rang out through the room, "Someone gave me a job in New York. It's a job in the library… should I take it?"

I thought about it. If she got a job then we could get a place… or would I just leave? Should I go back to Tulsa? I had made up my mind in the phone booth but now as I lay in the darkness I felt like I regretted something. I held my breath and listened to Kitty if she was going to say something else. When she didnt say anything else I spoke up.

"Do you want to go to the country instead?" I thought about the night I told Johnny about the country. Yet, as I lay here, I saw that there weren't many gangs. If we continued until New York then we would be right in gang territory. "Ponyboy…" Kitty's voice rang out again. I hummed in response and she continued.

"Do you miss your family?" Her voice was shaky, I didnt know why. I thought about it, "Yeah but I'd rather stay here…" I listened to her and it seemed like she was crying. "You shouldn't stay here."

"Why do you think that?" Kitty had never asked anything like that. She was usually quiet on the rides, only talking like Johnny would. I didnt have much time before I heard her sit up, I looked over at her. "You have a family… they love you, you love them," Kitty's voice was breaking more.

I was going to respond but a light shone through the blinds. Our sleep schedules were beyond messed up so the sun was rising right as we were going to sleep. Instead of answering, I got up and opened the blinds more. The sunrise was beautiful, colors painted the sky. I heard some shuffling and Kitty was next to me.

"Nothing gold can stay…" My mind wandered to the poem I'd read before. I had to study it for school, English to be exact. I never quite understood it, but it felt right to say. The colors drew me in and I looked at Kitty. Kitty looked at me, her tears wiped away. "What does that mean?"

"Im not sure… I've heard it in a poem."

"How does it go?" Kitty asked while she looked back at the sunrise. We didnt have the best view but it still showed the colors. I found myself reciting the poem while looking at the colors. "Nature's first green is gold, Her hardest hue to hold. Her early leaf's a flower; But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay."

"That's a beautiful poem-" Kitty walked back to her bed, "-did you… did you have a good education?" I nodded, "Yeah I was smart." I had to owe a bit of it to Darry. If he hadnt made me study then I wouldnt have cared. I felt another pang in my heart.

I turned to her and she had her head lowered. "Why did you throw all of it away then?" I thought about it, why? I didnt know why now. Darry missed me, and so did Soda. How the whole gang was probably looking for me right now. Kitty was right, as much as it hurt me.

"I- I don't know…" Kitty kept her head down and I walked over to her. "All I know is that Im not going back." She shook her head at that. "No… You have people that care."

"And what about you? Do you not have people that care about you?" My voice was slowly rising. She didnt know what I went through. It felt like an argument with Sodapop, the quietness in her actions. Although, all I could see was an argument with Darry. She shook her head again, "No, I don't have parents, siblings, no family, and no friendships."

Those words hit me hard, harder than what they should've. "Are you saying I'm not your friend?" I felt angry, so angry that I just didnt think. I ran out the door with the keys I only looked back to close the door and saw Kitty. Her face was hurt, betrayed. I shut the door and ran to the car.

The car roared to life as I drove off. Mentally I cussed myself off for leaving without taking a map. I drove until a small warning came up for gas. I stopped at a gas station and I got out of the car. I filled the gas up and continued driving to wherever. I continued the same path- I-44.

The ride was quiet. Only the radio filled the silence that Kitty would've. I almost cursed myself out for thinking that. Kitty didnt care about me, she was just using me to get to New York. My mind wandered about everything and I found it calming to drive. It didnt take long for the sun to be high in the sky and for me to be in New Jersey.

Taking a break I decided to drive around the town I was in. Seeing all the sights and whatnot. Im usually not a touristy person but I saw some things that really interested me. The sights were pretty and I found myself in a park. It was peaceful, I sounded like a pansy but I felt like I could breathe there.

I decided to smoke a bit. Although in the passenger seat was Kitty's red cardigan, with the maps. My heart dropped. I took a quick look at the maps and I got lost in them for a while. I forgot all about smoking and continued to look at the map. I saw a pen trailing where we were going. It didnt take long for me to find where I was and where the nearest DQ was.

Instantly I set my sights on the DQ. I didnt know how Kitty did it, not eating for a long time. It was hard to navigate without someone telling me where to go but I found my way. I counted the money I had $100. Using the money I decided to get what I usually wouldve.

I felt bad and yet I still ate food. The food tasted like cardboard but I couldn't deny the roaring in my stomach. When I finished I used the maps to continue my drive to New York. It was easy to just drive there, although now I just sat in the car. I pulled the top of the convertible up so I was covered.

The sun had started to set and I remembered the cigarettes in the glovebox. I was thinking a lot, cigarettes helped with that. When I opened up the glovebox I saw the book Gone with the Wind. At first, I didnt even see it, I was just about shaking for a cigarette. I walked outside and smoked the cigarette, happy for the weed.

It calmed me down. Not enough to go back but enough to let me think. My mind went places until I finished the pack. Then when I went to put the empty pack away, I saw the book.

My heart dropped again. This time though because I opened the book. A small slip of paper fell, with an address on it. I wanted to explore it but something in my head told me not to. As the sun set I stood outside the car.

The clouds were stormy and gray. Just like how I felt in that moment. Rain started to pitter-patter around me but I could not be bothered to move from it. I welcomed the rain, and while I knew I would get sick it just didnt matter to me. Slowly I got back in the car, soaking but feeling a bit better.

I went to a store to get new clothes. Remembering what I told Kitty I got a pretty good outfit. Now all I needed was to find a hotel and take a shower. It wasn't good for me to be out while all wet, something I learned from Darry. The thought of Darry made my heart ache.

I did regret leaving, but I regretted leaving someone who trusted me, the most. I got a hotel, and I found a payphone. I wanted to use the payphone but decided against it. When I went to the car to get my things I saw the book again. I took the book inside and started reading it. I felt guilty as I read it, remembering why Kitty bought it. She stayed with me, and she wouldve stayed. Yet, I was the one to leave her. I had made a promise in my head to stay, and I broke it… I wonder if Kitty is doing okay…

As the light shone in from the window I realized two things: Im a horrible person, and I feel horrible. Although not the normal horrible. I was sick. Oh no…