Hi guys, yes I am still alive and I am back with another chapter. Sorry for the very late update. I got another job and was deployed to the booney of boonies doing the most soul sucking job ever. Teaching. The place I am at right now is beyond terrible. I have no internet access for months, no anime to watch and the job sucked everything out of me. I had no inspiration to write until by chance someone PMed me and this renewed me. So thanks for bringing me back Habu2010 and marquis-shax.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any other anime or movie referenced here.
Chapter 36
Previously
"Bro said he is going fishing while the Shinigami ran away for some reason" Kaguya sighed before she stared at Naruto for a moment. Then a menacing grin formed on her face.
"Well since your brother isn't here to take responsibility or the Shinigami to serve as our poor sucker I guess you will do" she said as she grabbed Naruto. For some reason Naruto knew this wasn't good. Well it wasn't good if the Shinigami ran away.
"Poor boy. He is going to get killed" Minato said as he let out a prayer watching Naruto disappearing into the portal. For the first time in his life Naruto cried for his father to help him. But all the man did was tell him to stay strong and it will be over. In a few hours that is.
Now
"PAIN ALL I KNOW IS PAIN" Naruto lamented as his hand was shattered for the, well he lost count, time. Damn his healing factor and Kurama fixing him. And why wasn't he passing out like Zabuza and Shikaku who were already passed out after seeing a very scary Miya? More importantly
"Why the hell do I have to suffer for something I didn't do!" Naruto shouted as his hand was shattered again.
"We needed a poor sucker to be a substitute and you fit the bill" Kurama said as she with the help of Haku, Hinata and Kushina were helping deliver the baby. Kaguya was busy hunting a certain someone (run poor bastard run!).
"But why me. Anyone could be useful. I mean that's what Jiraiya is for MOTHER DUCKER!" again his hand was shattered only to be immediately healed. Alright what the hell. Why is his healing factor seeming like it's on steroids? It's not this freaking fast.
"YOU ARE NARUTO AND I AM GOING TO VENT MY FRUSTRATIONS ON YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME!" Miya shouted as she pushed and crashed Naruto's hand at the same time.
"But it was you and bro not me. I am still a virgin for crying out loud.!"
"Don't care now scream for me bitch!" Miya said menacingly as she took pleasure in Naruto's screams. Evil woman. Is there no one to save this poor bastard.
"Found him" Kaguya appeared dragging poor D Naruto who was trying to run away.
"Get him over here NOW!" Miya ordered as the poor bastard was placed into her much awaiting right hand. As soon as Miya got a hold of him you could hear his bones immediately being shattered like glass.
"Okay he is here now so can I go?" Naruto looks at Miya with hope in his eyes. The look she gave him destroyed his hope.
"What do you think?" CRASH! Oh yah she wasn't going to let go of his hand until this is done. For several hours you could hear the two brothers making what was almost a beautiful screaming duet that Miya and everyone conscious enjoyed very much.
Somewhere in the Hidden Rain Village
A certain figure hidden beneath the village suddenly shuddered as he felt an unknown feeling enter him. He didn't know whether it was respect or fear. All he knew was someone out there was getting intimate with pain. All he could say was.
"All you will know is PAIN"
Several very pain hours later
"Now I get why the Shinigami ran away. That was very unpleasant" Naruto muttered in a corner with his heavily bandaged hand. Interestingly once Miya finished torturing I mean delivering, Naruto's super charged healing factor returned to less than normal rate. What the hell, that could have been useful to dull the pain. I mean they already emptied the medicine cabinet of all pain killers!
"Yah tell me about it. I had to go through that more than ten times! Funny thing they always track me down despite all the abilities I have!" D Naruto with an equally heavily bandaged hand lamented. Yah his healing factor decided to take a vacation.
"Ouch that hurts even thinking about it. Remind me never to have children, ever" Naruto said as he looked to the other side of the room where everyone including Gaara was gushing over the cute little thing.
"Good luck with that. You say that now but it will happen it always does. The look on your girls' faces isn't doing you any favors too" D Naruto said pointing to Hinata and Haku who had an 'I want one' look on their faces.
"No I will resist" Naruto reassured himself.
"Okay bro let me impart to you words of wisdom. Remember this, women have magic lady bits and we leave it at that. Plus, I foresee pain in your future, lots of it." D Naruto said making Naruto pale in fear.
"Okay what's with the second crib. I now Miya gave birth to one child" Naruto asked after spotting another crib.
"Don't know, let's go find out."
The two boys headed to the others. The first thing they saw was D Naruto's cute little daughter who was a mix of the father and mother. She had purple hair with white tips and beautiful blue eyes. 'Oh boy, I need to update my stash for scaring future boys away from my daughters' D Naruto thought.
What took the boys' breath away was what was in the second crib. A very cute little pink hannya with a cute pink flowery aura around it (eeeh him/her whatever the gender) which was a sharp contrast to its heart attack inducing counterpart's aura of doom. It made no sense but the thing was cute so no need to think too much into it.
The new addition to the family brought more new life in to the family. The Bijuu were all gushing over her while Kushina was very ecstatic about finally seeing her granddaughter. Hinata and Haku were making plans that send a shiver down Naruto's spine. The cold blooded killer Zabuza was busy making faces to the baby earning him some cute giggles. Eri was the happiest after she got to hold her cute little sister without anything bad happen to her.
For Gaara well "For her I will gladly prove my existence" he declared earning a laugh from everyone. The family was very happy. For a week they had their private celebration until the fateful day when the Shinigami came back again.
This time the dude was more cautious unlike the last time when he walked into the village like he owned the place. Yah D Naruto's girls really put the fear of women into the poor guy. Kushina left without regret and very happy, Hashirama and Tobirama left with the entire collection of the Chibi Kakashi series in hand.
For Minato and Naruto well it was the most awkward goodbye in the history of goodbyes. You could basically feel the awkwardness in the air. The two just looked at each other not knowing what to do or say to each other. And the hug was even more awkward. But in the end the goodbyes were said and our dead dudes and dudet left the world of the leaving. (glad I am finally done with that).
So things returned slightly back to normal for the village hidden in the Leaves. Tsunade was busy nicely (if you call yelling and breaking furniture and bones nice) teaching and updating the current hospital staff's medical knowledge. Jiraiya was busy trying to get the Third to let Naruto be his apprentice spymaster which the Third shot down much to Jiraiya's horror.
The choice for the future Hokage was still being processed but everyone knew that it was either Jiraiya or Tsunade. Those two while strong people had their doubts about them.
For one if Tsunade became Hokage she might legalize gambling and gamble the village's finances back to the stone age.
For Jiraiya it was worse. The crazy ideas ranged from making a law that legalized him as the Hokage entry into the female side of the hot springs to using the pervert ball I mean the Hokage's viewing globe to spy on people's private bedroom activities for his Icha Icha novels. Okay the second one might not be a crazy idea.
The genin continued their newly established training routine. They alternated between senseis and trained in various aspects. With Naruto's suggestion all teams that were failed during the genin exams were all passed. But they would have to undergo intense training to catch to the others. This training would weed out those that are totally unfit to be shinobi unlike that stupid genin test.
Right now we find Naruto finishing up a spar with Shino who was using his hidden weapons technique while Naruto was busy training in his sensory abilities by using a blindfold during his spar with Shino. They were the first two to arrive so Naruto thought what the heck he could just test out Shino a bit.
"Nicely done Shino, your Taijutsu is improving quite well. Keep this up and you will be a force to be reckoned with" Naruto praised Shino who blushed (at being praised) not that anyone could see due to his coat.
"Thanks for the compliment. You pointed me in the right direction although you could have warned me about the snake lady being crazy" Shino said while adjusting his glasses.
"I called her crazy snake lady. That should have spoken volumes you know" Naruto countered while taking off his blind fold.
"I didn't think she was that crazy. She is a nutcase. Anyway I have to admit your sensory skills is on another level. To be able to dodge my attacks while blind folded is amazing. It shows me that I still have ways to go" Shino noted.
"We all do, me more than anyone else because of certain circumstances. Anyway for now focus less on your taijutsu and more on your clan techniques and learning some elemental jutsu for the next four months then alternate your training" Naruto said noting that they were now not alone.
"Yosh that was some Youthful morning workout Naruto, Shino" Lee shouted as he entered the clearing making him the third person around.
"Good morning to you too Lee. How was your morning session with Gai-sensei?" Naruto asked with Shino nodding to Lee in acknowledgement.
"It was Youthful as always. Yosh would it be alright if I asked you for a spar. Taijutsu only" Lee asked as he looked excited as always.
Naruto closed his eyes as he sighed. At first he wanted to refuse but Lee was closest thing to a taijutsu master in his universe he could measure up his skills. D Naruto doesn't count since well it's always a beat down and Gai, he will have to ask later.
Plus its Lee we are talking about. He will pester him to the ends of the world just for a spar. Moreover Naruto liked Lee. There are many aspects about Lee that he admired. Lee has no advantage whatsoever above them. He has no bloodline and his chakra network is wrack but he is the most dangerous among the new generation excluding Naruto of course.
Hence Naruto wanted to personally help Lee to become even stronger. And what better way than studying Lee's trump card up close. During the chunin exams he was preoccupied with other things but now he had time.
And he was more comfortable showing off his skills to Shino and Lee anyway. Those two were cool in his books not like some people who try to copy his moves or pester him to train them. It's a good thing they were not around so Naruto thought it prudent to let loss a bit.
"Okay Lee lets go. But I need you to use your gates until the fourth gate. Don't open the fifth one there is something that I want to check out" Naruto said with a grin while lowering his seals to a reasonable amount. Shino wisely backed away to a safe distance were he could watch a clash of literal titans.
Lee obliged as he removed his weights and shot at Naruto with decent speeds. The two engaged in a taijutsu contest in which Lee would try his hardest to hit Naruto who was easily dodging his attacks.
Seeing that he wasn't fast enough Lee decided to open his gates up to the forth gate. As he opened them Naruto took the time to note a few glaring issues with his sensory abilities. He would need to do more research on these celestial gates to fully give better advice.
With his new found speed and strength Lee went on the offensive again this time Naruto was actually blocking his attacks Lee's attacks. With a grin Naruto reciprocated to Lee's attacks by using his own taijutsu (the eighteen dragon slaying palms if you remember).
The taijutsu caught Lee by surprise but he wouldn't give up. He pushed himself harder as he blocked and tried to counter attack but Naruto was fast, fluid and most of all unrelenting plus his attacks hurt like hell. The two boy's spar devolved into something that attracted unwanted attention.
Shino just looked on in awe having increased the distance away from the spar. He understood that Naruto was severely holding back on him. It was amazing seeing the amount of destruction those two were causing with taijutsu alone. He hoped that one day he would be able to be amazing as those two in taijutsu.
The noise attracted the genin and senseis who were on their way to the training ground to meet with the others. Gai being the closest sped towards the area thinking that there was an attack. There others were too far away to notice at first but as they grew closer they felt tremors prompting them to also sped towards the training ground.
As Gai landed in the area was greeted with the sight of beaten and bruised Lee struggling to stand to no avail. The area was a mess. Trees were felled and there were craters lining the ground. Whoever Lee was fighting was very powerful.
"Good morning Gai sensei" Shino said almost startling Gai. How did Gai miss Shino being here.
"Good morning Shino-kun what is going on here?" Gai said as he wondered why Shino wasn't helping Lee.
"Simple, Lee and Naruto were having a spar that's all" Shino replied as the dust settle to show a somewhat okay Naruto grinning like a mad man.
'Lee was sparring with Naruto and he lost? Wow that is so youthful' Gai thought as he imagined the battle he missed. At this time the other rookies minus Hinata had also arrived to see the mess that was their training ground.
"What the hell happened here?" Asuma asked as he surveyed the damage done.
"Lee-kun and Naruto-kun were having a youthful spar" Gai exclaimed in excitement as he supported his student. Looks like Lee will miss training today.
"Yosh Gai sensei. Naruto-kun's flames of youth burn brightly. I couldn't defeat him even when I opened the fourth gate." Lee said shocking everyone. Those that saw the fight between Gaara and Lee knew just how destructive Lee was when he opened the fourth gate.
To push Lee to this state while remaining okay was a true testament of Naruto's strength.
" Nice spar Lee that was very youthful (that's sounds weird). I will get back to you on my observations soon." Naruto said while noting to himself that he should limit using the word 'youth' for a while.
While others wondered what Naruto meant by observations and others looking at Naruto with jealousy for his strength Kakashi took the time to take over training. But he was also very curious about just how strong Naruto was.
"Alright everyone. We taught you guys a lot and we are happy to tell you that the Hokage and the sanin are impressed by your progress. If you are wondering that little 'exercise' we did last week was your assessment. I think I forgot to tell you about that" Kakashi concluded with his signature eye smile.
Almost immediately he had to dodge both Ino and Sakura who tried to pulverize him for forgetting such an important detail. Come to think of it if Kakashi knew then that means the other senseis knew and didn't tell them.
"What a drag you were all instructed not to tell us right? They wanted to judge us without the bias of us thinking it's a test and acting differently treating the occasion as special" Shikamaru analyzed.
"So none of us are getting kicked out of the program?" Sakura asked.
"No one is getting kicked out. This is just how your performance reviews will be done. Some of them you will be notified and some will be a surprise hehehe. Now on to today's business, We are visiting the Torture and Interrogation division" Kakashi said.
T and I division
"Sup maggots!" Ibiki shouted startling most of the genin in the building.
"Yo Scar-kun what's up" Naruto said cheerfully earning a groan from Ibiki.
"If I knew you would be here I would have taken a vacation until you leave"
"Lucky for you, you didn't so today its take your best bud to work day right buddy" Naruto said again cheerfully annoying Ibiki even more.
"Ibiki you know Naruto?" Kurenai asked in between the screams of terror emitting from a room in front of them.
"Unfortunately. He has a habit of getting me out of my funk when I intimidate people. I hoped our meeting during the chunin exams was the last I would see him but then he had to befriend Anko and his girlfriend works here part time so I get to see him EVERYDAY!" Ibiki shouted before he realized what he did. He quickly composed himself.
"Wait Hinata works here part time" Ino shouted although she and Sakura hated the girlfriend part. They were annoyed that Naruto isn't giving them the time of the day.
Kurenai was also surprised. Hinata didn't tell her about this. Guess Hinata still doesn't trust her after what happened last time.
"Yah and she is known as the lady of the house." Ibiki said as he and Naruto both shivered. Here everyone called her Hinata-sama even the hard core criminals after a session with her.
'That's blatant abuse of the Hannya I tell yah' Naruto screamed in his head. You all understand why she is feared here right? Fear the Hannya.
As they were given a tour of the ominous facility they met a new prisoner who was apprehended within the borders of the Fire country. He was not from the Fire country that for sure so a spy maybe?
"You are in luck maggots, we have a new prisoner so you are going to crack him and get the information we need. Hinata won't be needed here because we all know what will happen so you are on your own" Ibiki said with a grin looking particularly at Naruto who seemed to be going somewhere. Where the heck was he going anyway?
"By the way no use of bloodline jutsu, which means no Sharingan, Byaakugan and no mind fucking people (looking at Ino)" at this all those with the mentioned bloodlines hung their heads.
The genin were ushered into the interrogation room while the sensei watched from the other room.
"This is going to be fun watching the kids fail. That guy is a tough nut to crack that's for sure. We might be here for a while" Ibiki commented with most of the senseis agreeing.
"I bet you he will last less than 5 minutes" Kakashi said off handedly with the others looking at him like he was crazy.
"I will take that bet" was the general response he got from the rest of the groups. Easy money right?
With the genin.
"Dammit without our bloodlines we will take forever to get anything out of him" Ino complained. Neji was contemplating using the gentle fist on the guy but without his eyes he couldn't find the best nerves to hit which caused maximum pain.
Their victim was just grinning like crazy. Oh this is going to be fun. His group was one of the best at withstanding torture thanks to their new daimiyo's insane torture resistance training. These kids will take forever to make headway.
"Shikamaru can you come up with a plan please" Ino said using her puppy dog eyes to try and motivate the lazy bum. Said lazy bum just sighed. Ino just showed their victim that they were panicking which isn't a good sign for an interrogator. What a drag.
"What is that idiot doing?" Sakura screamed.
"Who?" Ino asked.
"Naruto of course"
"Why are you asking for him" Shikamaru asked confused.
"Because he is the only one here who is good at this I can guarantee you that" Sasuke said as he and Sakura shivered remembering what Naruto did to the demon brothers. Ouch.
Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Naruto soon came into the room with Anko in tour. He was wearing a ridiculous lab coat, and was that a snake tongue hanging out of his mouth. The overall get up made him look like a shady doctor.
The other genin looked at his like he was stupid because well he looked stupid. Sakura and Sasuke knew that he was cooking something in that rotten brain of his.
"My name is Doctor S and congratulations this is the first time I have been allowed to take patient and practice medicine OUT OF A CAVE" que thunder and lightning in the background.
(Now before you go on if you don't know Doctor S go look him up in All Hail King Julian.)
The thunder and lightning caught everyone off guard including those viewing the interrogation and that included those using the pervert ball (Hokage and the Sannin). Sasuke quickly recovered and gave everyone a play along glare even though he didn't know what was going on.
"What are you talking about pipsqueak. Are you lost or something?" the prisoner smugly spoke after shaking off the thunder and lightning effect.
"Hehehe I like him he has spank. I am here to tell you that I lot of people are going to come here and beat you up real good for no apparent reason until you are half dead. But don't freight that's why they invited me for my job is to keep you alive.
Anyway nurse (that's Anko) our prisoner here is lucky the serum works now. Last time we tested it our subjects lasted 2 hours and that was the longest. Now the serum can keep the victim alive for a full 24 HOURS" que thunder and lightning.
'Okay this kid is really starting to creep me out. And what with the thunder and lightning' the prisoner thought.
"Oh that's good Doctor. So we are going to practice medicine OUT OF A CAVE" que thunder and lightning. Anko grinned. She wanted to try that and it looked cool. Oh boy was their victim sweating. This is good.
"Don't worry though after you get beat up we will administer the serum and run a few, okay a lot of tests. Don't worry it won't hurt a bit. IT WILL HURT A LOT" que thunder and lightning. Okay the kid was starting to scare him now. And who lets kids experiment on people.
"You see the serum's job is to keep you alive no matter how fatal the injuries are. At the same time, it will make you feel like you have Ebola, the bubonic plague, cancer and any horrible disease you can think of. By the way our last test subject said that his ball felt like they were in a blander while being microwaved. And that's before his ball swelled 20 times larger.
Our serum heals and kills you at the same time. For each limp that falls off you regenerate another one so even if you bit off your tongue you can grow another one. And poison won't work either. Now be a good dear and lets practice MEDICINE OUT OF A CAVE!" que thunder and lightning.
His eyes turned red while leaking bits of Kurama's chakra giving him a dark outlook scaring his victim to hell.
Now everyone felt sick just hearing that while every male was glad they weren't on the receiving end of that. What the hell. Is the kid mental or something?
Anko wiped out a human sized injection that looked like it was picked out of a long forgotten dumpster. The liquid looked like it came out of Frankenstein's laboratory. She gave a test squeeze ejecting a few drop of the retched liquid on the ground. Said liquid started eat at the ground.
"Don't worry big boy we are going to shoot this staff right up your ass hehehe" Anko laughed like a maniac while licking her own KI. The victim was now sweating profusely at the implications of what was supposed to happen. He was not taking that thing up his ass. No scratch that he was not taking that thing with any part of his body period. Maybe if he spilled the beans they will spare him or give him a quick death.
The genin were not doing any better. Between the lightning and the KI and the room darkening all of a sudden plus the graphic explanation, it was enough to give them the scare of their lives. Even if it was not done to them.
"I can't wait any. NURSE GIVE IT TO HIM IN THE ASS!" Naruto screamed as they slowly approached the helpless victim who was trying to get the hell out of there.
"Please let's talk about this. I have information you want to here." The man tried to bargain.
"Too late now let's practice medicine OUT OF A CAVE!" Naruto shouted as he continued his advance.
"WE ARE AFTER PRINCESS KAZEHANA!" the man shouted hoping they won't experiment on him if he spilled the beans. And it worked. The two stopped and looked at each other. They started to talk in a hushed tone while occasionally looking at him.
It was at this point Ibiki came busting into room sweating like a pig. He ordered those two get out of the room before they gave the poor guy a heart attack. Everyone else left the room leaving a very relieved victim to Ibiki.
Ibiki made it his point to never ever piss of the kid. The kid was bad; his girlfriend was the worst. If they got married what the hell will they produce. Their kid would scare even the devil out of hell.
With the Jounin instructors
"Easy money" Kakashi happily countered the money he obtained from his fellow jounin.
"What the hell is wrong with that kid Kakashi" Asuma asked sweating profusely. Kurenai was doing her best not to hyperventilate. Naruto and Anko should not mix at all.
"This is nothing. You should have seen what he did with the demon brothers. All I can say is he got physical and we leave it at that" Kakashi said while shivering at the thought.
"OUT OF A CAVE!" que thunder and lightning. All jounin in the room jumped up in fright only to find a laughing ANKO at the doorway.
"Anko don't do that you almost gave me a heart attack" Kurenai shouted trying to calm down.
"Hehehe but it's so fun. Okay gaki you can stop with the thunder and lightning genjutsu now" Anko said with Naruto and the genin passing the room.
"I didn't use any genjutsu on that part" Naruto said a bit confused.
"Huh?" was the only thing that came out of Anko's mouth.
"Yah apparently once pychos like us use it once, it stays. And you know the trigger" Naruto said while laughing nervously before both grinned.
"OUT OF A CAVE!" que lightning and thunder. Naruto might not possess the Hannya mask but this is the next best thing and he isn't afraid to abuse it hehehe.
With the 'interrogation' done all the genin were shown around the department and they also ran into Hinata who was being worshipped by the prisoners and department staff alike. It seemed that everyone was afraid of her. If Naruto is this bad then what did Hinata do to gunner this much respect.
By the end of the day all the genin and their senseis all had one thought. Naruto and Hinata were a seriously fucked up couple. For the sake of humanity Hinata and Naruto must not get married, period.
Hokage Office
We find the Hokage being flanked by his two loyal students and in front of them were Teams 7, 8, 9 and Team Gai. Thanks to the efforts of Naruto and Hinata they discovered some very interesting details from their prisoner.
"Alright then since you have been training hard and have showed improvement we have decided to grant you joint A rank missions" the Hokage announced gaining looks of show and excitement from the genin.
"Since these are A rank missions we decided that as a test run of your capabilities we will add more personnel to your teams for additional security and also due to the seriousness of the missions" Tsunade added.
"These missions could have been given to ANBU or a team of jounin but we decided that you are capable of undertaking these missions. But since these are high ranking missions we have decided to add more personnel. One team will have me and the other will have Tsunade. Also these two will be going on this mission" Jiraiya also added as he pointed to the door.
The door opened as two people came into the room one of which send shivers down on almost every genin's spine. These two were Haku and Gaara.
Lee shivered as he remembered his fight with the maniac while Sasuke looked right about ready to complain.
"With all due respect Hokage-sama but are these two necessary? They are not part of our genin" Kakashi asked knowing that having those two around might cause problems.
"No they are not but someone convinced me otherwise. Haku here will go with the team going to the Land of Snow while Gaara will be with the team that goes to the Sand country. These two are very adept to their respective environments so yes they are necessary" the Hokage answered.
The teams were broken down in this way. Team 8 and Team Gai were going to the Sand country while Team 7 and 9 will be going to the Land of Snow. Tsunade was to accompany the Team going to the Sand since the Team needed a medic while Jiraiya much to his joy was going to the Snow with Haku as their medic.
With that's said each team prepared to leave on their adventures which has some surprises in store for them.
And Done
Next we get to see how these missions go and same surprises since I just don't want to stick purely to canon material only. So if anyone has some ideas please let me know.