The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Ghosts characters has left the table. Just more madness from my tiny mind.

Ghost Round Table

The ghosts were sitting in the TV room, enjoying the end of a movie. "That was good movie!" Thorfinn grinned.

"They were all good," Alberta told them. "I admit I didn't think I was going to like the last one. But I was pleasantly surprised."

"Wow," Pete grinned. "We are really catching up on our TV and movie watching!"

"I know," Flower said. "I feel like I really accomplished something!"

Crash was there as well. "Me too! I'm glad I got my noggin back on for this!"

Sam walked into the room. "What's going on?"

Isaac looked at her. "We just finished riding the Kentucky Derby. The winner was Watching TV by a nose."

"What else would she think we would be doing?" Flower asked the other ghosts.

"Trevor was able to use the remote so we could watch various films on that streaming service you have," Hetty explained. "Honestly Samantha when you first got that I thought it was a waste of money. Now I know it was money well spent."

"We had a triple feature," Alberta explained. "We watched the movies Annie, Annie Hall, and Annie Verses The Zombie Horde."

"It was an Annie-Versary feature!" Pete quipped. "Get it? Because the name Annie is in the title of all those…"

"We get it Pete!" Trevor groaned. "I don't care what anyone says. I still like Annie Hall."

"It was good but…" Alberta paused. "You can see a lot of red flags about Woody in those movies of his. A lot of red flags."

"Well, I found the musical Annie delightful," Isaac said. "Better than Hamilton."

"No surprises there," Sasappis remarked.

Pete spoke up. "I remember taking Laura to see that movie. I even bought her the heart necklace replica for her birthday. I wonder if she still has it?"

"I admit I enjoyed that movie as well," Hetty remarked. "Something about a millionaire taking in a little urchin girl who actually appreciates him just warms your heart. Now if only someone adopted some of my children."

"All good movies," Thorfinn spoke up. "But Annie Verses Zombie Horde really spoke to Thorfinn. Very good axe wielding in movie! Saved best movie for last!"

"The head chopping scene brought up some weird memories," Crash admitted. "But some of those zombies looked like my rivals so…"

"That last movie was a lot better than I expected it to be," Sasappis remarked.

"In particular the bikini contest scene," Trevor grinned.

"That was the scene that hooked me," Sasappis admitted.

"Me too!" Crash added.

Isaac added. "It did have something for everyone. They even had a musical number in it. A surprisingly well choreographed very bloody musical number."

Thorfinn spoke up. "Yes. Thorfinn impressed on how well zombies' heads were chopped off in time to music."

Nigel added. "It was rather amusing, wasn't it?"

"That scene got very weird for me," Crash admitted.

Hetty added. "There was this one zombie that looked just like Elias. Who was set on fire. I loved that scene!"

"I think you guys are spending a little too much time together," Sam told them. "Watching TV."

"It's not like we have much of a choice," Sasappis told her.

"Have you tried pairing off and going to different parts of the property?" Sam suggested.

"And do what?" Trevor asked. "I'm seriously asking!"

"Or talk to some other ghosts on the property like…" Sam paused.

"The Cholera Pit ghosts?" Isaac asked. "Oh, no, no, no, no…"

"Nancy is more than enough," Hetty shuddered.

"There's no way I'm talking to Baxter or Jenkins," Isaac added. "Especially Jenkins."

"That goes double for me," Nigel added. "Baxter isn't so bad. But Jenkins…No."

"Stephanie is still asleep," Alberta pointed out.

"And that one ghost who thinks he's a squirrel is right out," Trevor added.

"We're already getting a little nutty," Pete added. "Get it?"

Trevor sighed. "We're definitely spending too much time together. Because I actually found that joke kind of funny."

"Me too," Sasappis groaned.

"Samantha," Hetty sighed. "Believe me I would love some conversation with new and interesting people. But as I learned when I first died our social circle is quite limited."

Flower spoke up. "We used to have lots of interesting discussions in the cult. Like what the world would be like if it was made of cheese? Would mice have evolved to be the dominant species?"

Hetty groaned. "Very limited."

Trevor added. "And don't even think about using those dumb conversation chat cards again Sam. That did not work at all!"

"Some of those questions were rather depressing actually," Pete admitted.

"Especially the ones about death," Alberta asked. "Which you kept asking!"

"Just because we're dead doesn't mean we like to dwell on it," Sasappis told her.

"That was kind of rude," Pete remarked.

"Yeesh I'm glad I missed that," Crash remarked.

"Okay! I'm sorry about the stupid cards!" Sam snapped. "I was just trying something different!"

"And failed miserably at it," Isaac added.

"Not that we didn't appreciate the effort, Sam," Pete said quickly. "It's just…"

"You didn't think it through," Alberta added.

"I GET IT!" Sam shouted. "No more chat cards!"

"Thank you!" Hetty groaned.

"I just wish you guys would do something more than spy on us and watch TV," Sam told the ghosts.

"And what would you suggest we do Samantha?" Hetty looked at her. "Organize a ball for the Duke and Duchess of Devonshire? Which I did by the way."

"We know," Sasappis remarked. "We were there. You were trying to marry off one of your nieces to the Duke's son."

"The American elites married off their daughters to Britain's nobility all the time," Hetty told him.

"For money," Sasappis looked at her.

"It was a fair trade," Hetty protested. "A decent dowry for a title and connections to royalty. It would have worked too if that damned Cousin Chandler hadn't blabbed to everyone how our family was having financial troubles! Which was a lie! It was just a tiny hiccup when two of our mills burned down. The third one was the most productive one and was working just fine!"

Isaac spoke up. "That was the same ball that Elias propositioned the Duchess and it went badly, didn't it?"

"Neither the duke or duchess had a problem with Elias propositioning her," Hetty groaned. "It was the fact that the duke insisted on watching. While Elias wore a horse costume. That was a line even Elias found distasteful."

"That was a very weird conversation to have witnessed," Isaac admitted.

"In a way it was nice to find out there were people even more depraved than Elias," Hetty remarked. "Sadly, we couldn't marry off my niece to a decent royal. We even tried sending her overseas to make a match with a different duke. But she ended up running off with some Irish neer-do-well! Obviously, we never spoke of her again. Then again her father was one of Elias' less intelligent brothers so…You can only do so much against genetics."

"You know it wouldn't be the worst idea to try and come up with new topics of conversation ourselves?" Pete remarked.

"Oh, come on Pete," Trevor groaned.

"I'm serious," Pete said. "Oh! You know I used to watch on PBS these discussion groups! People would discuss and debate different topics. We could have a round table discussion! Like on TV!"

"I have a better idea," Sasappis remarked. "Watching actual TV."

"We always do that!" Pete said. "Some of us could discuss things like it's a TV show! I could be the host! Sam can help me by giving us some decent topics! Come on guys what do you say?"

"Like we have a choice?" Crash groaned.

It wasn't long before the ghosts were in the dining room. Some of the ghosts were at the dinner table. The others and Sam were seated across from chairs or standing to watch. "Welcome everyone to our first episode of Ghost Round Table," Pete said cheerfully. "I'm your host Pete Martino! Tonight's guest speakers are Captain Isaac Higgintoot, revolutionary leader."

"Greetings," Issac remarked.

"Alberta Haynes," Pete introduced. "Jazz icon and superstar."

"Bonsoir everyone," Alberta waved.

"Sasappis," Pete added. "Our resident storyteller and cynic."

"How do I get myself into these things?" Sasappis groaned.

"Fun guy, Trevor Lefkowitz," Pete added.

"Party on Bros!" Trevor grinned.

"And Nancy…" Pete blinked. "From the Cholera Pit."

"How ya doin'?" Nancy grinned as she sat at the end of the table. "Great to be here. Then again, it's great to be anywhere outside the basement."

"Who invited Nancy?" Isaac asked.

"Nobody," Nancy said. "Hey, I'd never go anywhere if I waited to be invited."

"That's a good point," Trevor admitted. "I invited myself to a ton of parties back in the day. And was only actually thrown out of four or five of them. I usually managed to avoid security."

Sam and the other ghosts were sitting on the other side of the table. "Well, this is getting off to a rousing start," Hetty groaned.

"Why aren't we part of group?" Thorfinn asked.

"Because someone has to be the audience," Hetty explained. "And honestly we've heard more than enough killing Danes stories for eternity."

"Huh, Thorfinn is starting to repeat himself," Thorfinn remarked. "In future Thorfinn will tell more stories of other tribes he killed!"

"Swell…" Crash groaned.

"Okay so let's get started with debating and the big questions!" Pete said enthusiastically.

"Yeah, I have a question," Nancy spoke up. "Why are you calling it a round table when this table is actually a rectangle?"

"What?" Pete blinked.

"This table isn't round," Nancy told him. "It has four sides. And two of them are longer than the other two. The two on the top and bottom are equally long. And the ones on the ends are equally short. That's a rectangle. Not a circle. Which is round. AKA round table which this clearly isn't."

"Well…" Pete began.

"Now if all sides were of equal length, it would be a square," Nancy went on. "Or if it was roundish with no corners but long equal sides on the top and bottom it would be oblong. But it's not any of those things. It's a rectangle. With four equal angles. A round table doesn't have angles. That's a big difference. What? It's just basic geometry."

"Okay then," Sasappis blinked. "This might not be so bad after all?"

"How do you know anything about geometry?" Isaac asked.

Nancy explained. "Back when I worked in a tavern there was a school just down the street and a lot of students and professors would come in to get a beer. Some of the professors would grade tests while drinking a beer. Come to think of it, they drank a lot of beer while grading tests."

"Makes sense actually," Alberta admitted.

"Exam weeks were the craziest time for us at the bar," Nancy added. "The professors drank so much beer it was always a rush to get it into their glasses. We called that week Rush Week."

"So that's where that phrase came from?" Trevor was stunned. "Wow history is interesting!"

"Okay then…" Pete sighed. "So…"

"Hey what's your favorite beer?" Trevor asked. "I've always been partial to a good Coors. Or Michelob. Or any good tasting beer actually."

"We had a guy named Bud who used to make beer for us," Nancy said. "He made real good beer."

"That does sound familiar," Crash remarked.

"Personally, I prefer a strong ale," Isaac sniffed. "If I have to drink alcoholic spirits that is. But I wouldn't say no to a hard cider."

"Ooh I do love a good hard cider myself," Nigel admitted.

"Burbon for me," Alberta added.

"The Lenape didn't really drink alcohol but we did like…" Sasappis began.

"Enough!" Pete snapped. "We're getting off topic here!"

"What topic?" Alberta asked. "You didn't bring one up yet!"

"Well, you didn't give me a chance, did you?" Pete snapped.

"I thought we were talking about beer," Trevor asked.

"I thought we were talking about why this table isn't round," Nancy remarked.

"That's because it's a rectangle," Trevor told her.

"Will you forget about the table?" Pete shouted. He calmed down. "Our first topic…"

"Hey where did you get this table anyway?" Nancy spoke up looking at the table. "It's nice! Very well made."

"I don't know," Trevor admitted. "It's just always been here."

"It wasn't always here, obviously," Isaac rolled his eyes. "It was a wedding gift for Hetty's mother. Imported from Pennsylvania I believe."

"No, that was the first table remember?" Sasappis corrected. "Elias had to replace it with a replica after that weekend he invited those circus performers to one of his gentlemen's parties."

"Elias broke my table?" Hetty gasped.

"Technically not," Isaac explained. "The acrobats did while performing some rather lewd acts on it."

"Elias freaked when that table broke," Sasappis snickered.

"Yeah, even Elias not stupid enough to incur Hetty's wrath over prized furniture," Thorfinn chuckled.

"Fortunately, one of his friends had a guy that made furniture in town," Sasappis explained. "He had a replica of that exact same table. He replaced it and made sure the tablecloth was clean over it and you were none the wiser."

"So, Thomas wasn't responsible for breaking that table in 1930?" Hetty gasped.

"No, he just broke the replica," Sasappis shook his head.

"And then he bought the replica to replace the first replica," Isaac added. "Yes, I remember now."

"Replica or not it's still a nice table," Nancy said.

"And it's almost a hundred years old so it held up well," Trevor nodded.

"That's not the same table," Sasappis corrected. "Sophie had to get a new table when she first moved in with her husband because that table broke due to another party at the mansion."

"That one was the Farnsbys' fault," Hetty spoke up. "Muriel Farnsby was almost three hundred pounds. She should not have stood on that table to sing a musical number!"

"She was drunk out of her mind," Sasappis snickered. "That was funny!"

"The Farnsbys didn't even pay for the replacement," Hetty grumbled.

"So this is the replacement for the replacement for the replacement?" Trevor asked. "It's still a nice table."

"It's got a nice long rectangular shape and…" Nancy started.

"WILL YOU PEOPLE STOP TALKING ABOUT THE DARN TABLE?" Pete shouted.

"I thought that was the point of table talk?" Nancy blinked.

Pete sighed. "It's not literally about…Oh someone else say something. Please?"

Isaac paused. "It's still a very nice table."

"Yeah, I mean Sophie did get it from this antique place," Sasappis remarked. "So odds are it is over a hundred years old."

"What's it made out of?" Trevor asked. "Maple?"

"Oak, I believe," Isaac remarked.

"Uh uh," Alberta shook her head. "That's redwood."

"Are you sure?" Isaac asked. "It doesn't look like redwood to me."

"I know what redwood looks like and that is definitely redwood," Alberta snapped.

"It's definitely not maple or oak," Sasappis admitted.

"And it sure isn't pine either," Nancy added.

"Definitely not pine," Trevor nodded.

"Yeah that table does not look like pine to me," Crash nodded. "Could be redwood."

"Definitely redwood," Alberta repeated.

"I don't freaking believe this," Pete groaned.

"I don't know Alberta," Isaac spoke up. "I'm fairly certain I heard someone say that the table is made of oak."

"WHAT DOES IT MATTER WHAT THE TABLE IS MADE OUT OF?" Pete shouted. "You sound like my wife!"

"Uh…" Isaac stammered taken aback by Pete's outburst.

"My grandmother had a perfectly beautiful dining room table," Pete remarked. "Which was made out of pine and gave it to me and Carol as a wedding present. Just before she died. After drinking one too many sangrias before driving off to her hair appointment. And the wrong way into traffic."

"Oh I'm so sorry Pete," Isaac remarked.

"Carol of course wanted her own way and wouldn't shut up about it being pine and not some other fancier wood," Pete went on. "I let her pick the sofa. I let her pick the bed. I let her pick the drapes and the wallpaper and practically everything else in our house. But I dug my heels in on the dining room table! I said nooooo! This was my grandmother's table and if it was good enough for her it's good enough for us!"

Sasappis spoke up. "And then you gave in and let her pick the new dining room table?"

"No," Pete remarked. "I let her pick the table in the kitchen and all the other furniture in the house. But that dining room table, that was all me baby! ALL ME!"

"Good for you Pete," Alberta said. "Standing up for yourself."

Pete grumbled. "Of course, we almost never ate at the dining room table. Only on holidays or special occasions. Normally we'd eat in the kitchen or use TV trays in the living room and watch TV. But it still counts!"

"Well that's…" Isaac began.

Pete went on. "Of course, Carol preferred eating on the TV trays. No surprise. She picked out the TV trays! And she would much rather watch TV than eat at the table. Because God forbid, we have an actual conversation!"

"Uh oh," Trevor blinked.

"Here we go," Sasappis smirked.

Pete stood up and paced around. "How much you want to bet the day I died she threw out that table? She had no problems replacing me right away! Why not the dining room table?"

"Wonderful choice of activity, Samantha," Hetty groaned.

"I bet Jerry got her a new dining room table," Pete growled. "A nice big oak one like she wanted!"

"Now that I think about it," Isaac coughed. "Pine isn't really that bad of a choice for a table."

"RIGHT?" Pete shouted.

Nancy spoke up. "The table at my house was built from discarded pieces of wood found on the street and in the garbage. It was still pretty study. Just offering a different perspective."

"She always had to have her own way!" Pete snapped as he paced back and forth. "I almost never got anything I wanted! I'm lucky she didn't want to make over the garage! It was one of the few places I could go where I knew she wouldn't bother me!"

"Uh Pete's having a freak out," Flower blinked. "Should one of us do something?"

"Yeah," Sasappis grinned. "Enjoy it."

Sam stood up. "Pete calm down."

Pete went on. "She said it was because the garage smelled like oil. At least it didn't smell like cigarettes! Which by the way she promised to cut down on for health reasons but every time I came out of the garage, I could tell she lit up in the kitchen! I may have smelled a little oily Carol but at least I didn't smell like the Marlboro Man!"

"And he wonders why I don't want to date him," Alberta muttered under her breath.

"Pete please calm down," Sam pleaded.

"I was a darn good husband and father and worked hard every week to put food on the table…A table Carol didn't even appreciate!" Pete went on. "And how was I repaid? Carol cheated on me with my best friend!"

"Well at least you know they didn't cheat on you on your grandmother's table," Sasappis spoke up. "Unless she really wanted to get back at you…"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Pete screamed and stormed through the wall.

"Really Sass?" Trevor groaned.

"I couldn't resist," Sasappis shrugged.

"You really like stirring the pot don't you Sass?" Nancy remarked. "Wait until the gang in the basement hears about this."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Pete was heard yelling. "WHY JERRY WHY? WE WERE IN CUB SCOUTS TOGETHER FOR GOSH SAKE! DOESN'T THAT MEAN ANYTHING ANYMORE?"

"Oh wait," Nancy remarked. "Pete's so loud they probably already have."

"Pete's going to be unwound for a few days," Isaac sighed. "This is why we prefer TV."

"I don't know," Sasappis quipped. "There's something to be said for live entertainment."

"Lucky Pete's dead," Flower remarked. "He'd have blown a blood vessel or two."

Trevor sighed. "We really do need to spend some time with other people. Sane people."

"Tell me about it," Sam grumbled.