Lily didn't see James the following morning. The argument the previous evening seemed to have taken a greater toll on her body than she had first anticipated, and even if she had felt fine, her anger hadn't subsided much. She wasn't ready to pretend to James yet that she and Sirius - and everything - was fine.

Remus had stayed the night. Upon finding her throwing up in the morning, he had put it down to alcohol and she hadn't corrected him. While he seemed to harbour hope that the argument the previous evening could be resolved by his friends sobering up, Lily took comfort that Sirius wouldn't be equally fooled. He knew, after all, that she hadn't been drinking.

Lily was waiting for Remus to return for lunch, as he had gone to St Mungo's as soon as they had eaten breakfast. No doubt he was sitting together with Sirius and James right now. She wanted to kick something or throw something at the wall.

Sirius and Remus might not understand why this news about Sirius mattered so much to her, but James probably did. And that was why he had kept it from her. Lily wanted to yell at James, and yet she knew she could not.

It had taken Lily all the willpower she possessed to stop being friends with Severus. Severus had been her first real introduction to the wizarding world. He had made her feel less alone, when her sister had gone out of her way to make her feel abnormal and strange. A freak. Somehow, it didn't seem to matter to her that Severus spent most of his time with people who were cruel and thrived on causing pain, (and whatever she thought of James at the time, James had never wilfully inflicted pain - he had just never understood that a laugh could hurt those being laughed at). She had been able to ignore too Severus' fascination of the dark arts and his utter distaste for muggles, putting it down to his horrid father.

Until Lily set down some ground rules for what constituted right and wrong - and of course, until Severus had slipped up and called her a mudblood. A word she had never heard pronounced by any of her other friends, even in reference to what others had said.

It was her ground rules that had helped remind Lily why she could not be Severus' friend any longer, while they were still at school. And part of those ground rules had been not to torture or murder. She knew that there was a grey area in this very black and white rule, with Alice and Frank Longbottom, and Alastor Moody, being Aurors, having killed in their time. But never without regret, and never if it wasn't their only option.

Even so, what had been so very easy about James had been that he viewed the world in a relatively black and white way. Dark magic was bad; murder and torture was bad; bigotry was bad; and things that weren't bad, had to be accepted or treasured, depending on what it was. Rule breaking, according to James Potter, was not bad in itself, although he had learned to break less of them, eventually.

James' views of the world could sometimes make him somewhat obnoxious in the way he expressed his ideas, but unlike Severus - unlike even Alice, Frank and Alastor - she had never needed to worry about questioning James' integrity. Until now. Because attempted murder was fine, if the would-be murderer was James' best friend. Apparently.

They are not as wonderful as everyone seems to think they are, Severus had told her. And she had agreed at the time, but now, she really understood how true those words were. Although, she thought with another surge of anger, this time directed at her former best friend, Severus had used Remus' condition to make that point. Remus, who only avoided living in extreme poverty, despite his talents, because her husband was financing him. Kind Remus, who would starve if it was up to people like Severus. And that, Lily remembered, is precisely why Sirius had no qualms about nearly killing Severus.

Why couldn't things just be easier! That was the promise she had seen in James Potter - something easy to understand, and love. And she did love him. It was Sirius who she needed to direct her anger toward. It was Sirius who had done something unforgivable. James had just tidied Sirius' mess, risking his life in the process. If James could forgive Sirius for what he had put him through, Lily had to admit, James had every right to do so.

The doorbell rang, and Lily went to open the door, wand at the ready.

'It's me, Moony,' Remus said, and Lily relaxed. It was, after all, not a known nickname.

She opened the door.

Remus looked more tired than when he had left, resembling, most closely, his appearance as the full moon was approaching.

'What's wrong?' she asked, pulling him into the safety of the hallway.

'Nothing,' Remus said.

'It's James, isn't it?' Lily asked.

'He's fine,' Remus said, pulling off his scarf. 'It's been a long morning that's all.'

'Why?' Lily asked, leading him to the kitchen where she had some sandwiches prepared.

'Thanks,' Remus said, as she handed him a mug of tea, and he took a sip. 'It was just a fight with the Healers, as usual. You know how it goes.'

She did.

'What about?'

Remus seemed to hesitate.

'James was... pretty out of it. I think we might have worn him out a bit more than we intended yesterday. Peter and -' Here Remus stopped for the briefest of moments, 'we thought it best to ask for a sleeping draft. But the Healers don't want to give him any. They are barely willing to give him those drafts at night. You know how it goes... it's better if his sleep cycle is natural... but that's just it: there's nothing natural about this curse!' Remus paused. 'In the end, they agreed. James should be asleep until around 3 o'clock this afternoon.'

'I'll be there when he wakes up,' Lily said, and Remus nodded.

'I assumed as much. Do you want me to come with you?'

'No, Moony, that's alright. Why don't you go home, get some rest. Enjoy a Boxing Day dinner with your father or something. I...' Lily didn't know how to continue without sounding ungrateful: 'I don't want you to take this the wrong way. I appreciate everything you and Peter - and Sirius - have done. I do -'

'Only now, you want some privacy?'

'Not at St Mungo's, of course. James needs his friends as much as he needs me. But I would like to be here, alone.'

Remus studied her for a second and then sighed: 'I will agree to it, but Lily, please eat something, or I am going to have to come by and check on you around every meal time.'

He pointed at her empty plate.

'Oh yeah,' Lily mumbled. 'I am afraid my appetite is ruined by my hangover.'

'Is that so,' Remus said, giving her a quizzical look.