Surviving Malfoy _ Part II : Anger and Depression

Dusty Springfield 'Son of a Preacher Man' – Bein' good isn't always easy.

CW: Smut.

Chapter 23:

"I don't think it's fake."

"But it's so unlikely..."

"Why?"

"Lily and Snape. Really?"

"Weren't they the same age?"

Draco turns the picture around in his hand. There's nothing written on the back, we checked a thousand times. We inspected every square millimeter of the image, checked it for charms, and found nothing that would suggest it's been tampered with.

"How would my mother even know what you looked like at that age?" He drops the picture back on the floor.

I shrug. "Tiny red-haired kid? It's not that hard to imagine." I lean over the edge of the tub to pick the picture back up. I watch myself holding out my hand to a toddler-sized Draco sitting on the floor next to me and wait for his smile. "It does look like me… But to be fair, I haven't seen many baby pictures of myself." It does look like the kid in the picture my mother showed me last summer though, bouncing on Lily's lap. "Can't deny that's you though," I say dryly.

Draco pulls on my toe, and I yelp, pushing my foot gently into his chest in retaliation. He starts massaging it and I lean back to rest my head on the edge of the tub. We've discussed it at length: Draco finds his mother's story plausible, I'm less certain. I still think it might be a ploy to get me to talk to her, however convincing. We've read and re-read Lily's letter, it is her handwriting, but other than that and my mother's name, we can't verify any of it.

"I do like the idea though," Draco says.

"What do you mean?"

"That we knew each other." He doesn't offer much more.

"'Knew' is a big word," I say. "We were a year old."

"Fine, that we met before." He rolls his eyes, then avoids mine. "It would explain a few things."

I raise an eyebrow at him when he trails off. He started the subject, I won't give him the satisfaction of prying.

"At the risk of sounding cheesy." He pauses again and I fight the urge to raise an eyebrow. "That first time we saw each other, on the train, I had a strange feeling. Not that I knew you, you just felt safe, comfortable. And I couldn't quite pinpoint why. I guess that's why I took such an interest in you."

Now it's my turn to avert my eyes. I don't know what to respond to that, so I go for "That wasn't the first time we saw each other, you know."

He almost rolls his eyes again. "The first time we saw each other that I consciously remember."

"That's not what I meant," I say. "At least I saw you before that, maybe you didn't notice me. In that robes shop on Diagon Alley. I went there with my mother and Debbie about a week before Hogwarts. You were there with your mother, getting fitted for robes. You were having a go at my brother and his friends."

Malfoy frowns. "You were there?"

I suppress a grin. He hadn't noticed me. "Not for long," I say. "That was also the first time I saw my brother and I was a little overwhelmed, so I just… Booked it."

Draco's smirk appears just as quick as it appears. "You still call her your mother?"

I raise my eyebrows. "She raised me."

He cocks his head, contemplating, then nods.

"I think your mother noticed me though."

"She did?"

"I think so." I pause. "I remember her looking at me." I pull my foot out of Draco's grip and sit upright, pulling my knees to my chest and slinging my arms around them.

Draco rests his arms on the side of the tub and lets himself sink deeper into the water, resting his legs on either side of me. "Do you think she knew?"

"Who I am? I don't know," I say. "Maybe." Draco doesn't respond. "I think you should tell her about this." I gesture between the two of us.

"And risk getting her murdered? I thought we were over this."

"Not now," I huff. "Once this is all over."

Draco looks at me with suspicion. "Why?"

"I thought you hated the idea of people thinking you're a bad guy."

Draco shakes his head. "That's not what I said. I said, I don't like the idea of you thinking I could do bad things to you. I don't care what other people think of me. And I am a bad guy, most people think so anyway."

"Draco-"

He cuts me off. "What did you think of me? That first time we saw each other."

I take a deep breath. "Fucking prick."

Draco smirks, "Not devilishly handsome?"

I'm not in the mood. "You called Hermione a mudblood." I say dryly.

He winces. "I did. If I don't survive this war," he pauses. "Will you tell her I'm sorry?"

I frown at him. "Of course."

Silence stretches over us. I rest my chin on my knees and take the time to contemplate the bubbles all around us before Draco speaks again, "she's not half bad, Granger."

"Is she now?" I mock.

He cocks his head again, raising an eyebrow. "To be fair, you did force us to get along- "

"Excuse me?" I ask with indignation.

Draco huffs out a laugh. "You two spent half the year sitting at our table."

"That's a very long table. You were under no obligation to sit anywhere near us."

"You were sitting there with Zabini!"

"You have other friends!"

"Do I now?"

I press my lips together, but don't give him an answer.

Draco smirks. "I think those two had a bit of a thing for each other, you know?"

"Who?"

"Granger and Zabini."

"What?!" I almost laugh.

"They spent an awful lot of time with each other, even without you around," Draco says. "She'd even come over when I was there, and she hates my guts."

"She doesn't hate your guts," I offer.

"I called her a mudblood for five years straight."

"She pities you," I say sweetly.

Draco huffs with indignation.

"Also, Hermione has a thing for Ron. So, your theory is incorrect."

"Weasley?" Draco laughs. "I should pity her if anything."

I splash some water at him. It hits him straight in the face and he looks at me with mock outrage, grabbing hold of my wrist before I can do it again. I use my other hand to splash him some more, and he takes hold of that wrist too. He sits upright and pulls me forward, moving my wrists together so he can hold them with one hand, placing the other on the back of my neck to pull my face towards his.

I oblige. He's still smiling when he kisses me. My knees are in the way, so I stretch out my legs over his thighs and around his waist on either side of him. Draco lets go of my hands and I sling my arms around his neck, pulling him closer, skin against skin. He slings his own arms around my middle. He sighs when I use my thighs to keep him firmly in place and I take the opportunity to flick his lips with my tongue. He obliges.

There's something very noticeably hard between us and I break the kiss without pulling away. "Draco?" I ask, letting my hand slide down his chest.

"Hm?" He sounds almost indignant, and he presses his lips back against mine as if to shut me up.

"Show me what you'd like me to do." I say it before I even can think about hesitation.

I feel his jaw tighten, before his lips smirk against mine, which I take as an invitation to let my hand wander lower.

"Are you sure?" He asks.

"Mhm," I nod, smirking back. My hand glides under the water, my fingers stroking along his ribs, down his side to his bellybutton. I follow a light trail of hair downwards and finally find what I'm looking for. I pull my face away from Draco's and watch his jaw tighten in earnest when I wrap my fingers around him.

"Well, there's that." He says, his eyes closed, sounding almost choked.

I have no experience with this. All I know is anecdotal tales from Debbie, so I err on the side of caution and stroke my fingers upwards. Draco's deep intake of air seems to be a good sign. I let my fingers trail back down and up again before I say, "Show me."

Draco groans and without opening his eyes he moves one of his hands over mine. He tightens my grip slightly and strokes my hand up and down, twisting slightly at the top, where he shows me how to use the pad of my thumb to rub against the most sensitive part, judging by his reaction. He guides my hand through two more strokes before he lets go. But he doesn't move his arm back around my waist, he lets his own fingers find my clit.

My other hand finds the back of his neck in an attempt to steady myself, as Draco presses his lips back against mine. He hasn't forgotten his lesson from a few days ago and I moan into his mouth when he finds the right pressure and motion. Draco's breathing grows heavier, and he breaks the kiss again, only to start tracing my jawline with his lips and down the crook of my neck, where he finds his spot again.

"I'm trying to learn here, Malfoy." I say in mock indignation.

"You're doing just fine," he says breathlessly, not lifting his head.

I falter and almost lose my grip on him when he slides a finger into me, curling it towards his thumb. I let my head fall forward, moaning into the crook of his neck. His hand finds my waist, and traces upwards where it cups my breast, and we groan in unison. I don't allow myself to think when I use my free hand to push myself up with the help of the edge of the tub. I slide my feet backwards, tilting forward and resting my weight on my knees, so I'm straddling him.

Neither of us stop our work, but Draco let's go of my neck to look up at me, his eyes searching.

I lick my lips, looking down at him, and between two heavy breaths I ask :"do you want to?" I can feel my muscles flutter around his knuckles.

Draco swallows hard and his lips part when he nods. I smirk down at him and take hold of his chin, his lips pull into a grin just before we kiss and he curls his finger one last time before retracting it. I guide him under me and moan as his head stretches me. He's much wider than his finger, but I'm ready. Draco's hand on my waist steadies me as I lower myself gently, reveling at the way he moans into my mouth, until I'm flush against him.

It's unfamiliar, but delightful, the way he fills me. I want to savor it, so I stay still for a few more moments before moving. Draco resumes his work on my clit unexpectedly and I moan, my muscles clenching around him.

"Ah, fuck." He moans against my lips. Draco slings his free arm around my waist and holding me down, so all I can do is grind against his hand. He stops moving his fingers and lets me find my rhythm until we both start panting and moaning in each other's ear.

"Potter," Draco sighs. "I can't hold back much longer."

A wicked smirk spreads across my face at his words and I pick up my pace, allowing him to slide out further and further with each stroke. Draco pulls his hand out from between us and grabs hold of one butt cheek, digging his fingers into my flesh. I pull back to look at him, wanting to watch, and bite my lip as he scrunches his face. He lets out a high pitch moan, his arm around my middle and his hand on my bum holding me down as he tenses for a moment. His head falls against my shoulder and his grip loosens as he starts to shiver and my grin widens.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles, and I can't help but giggle.

I'm not ready to let go yet, so I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him to me, enjoying the strange feeling to him softening inside me. We stay like this for a while, waiting for our breathing to calm down and for Draco to stop shaking. When I finally do pull myself up, Draco cups my cheek and kisses me gently.

I awkwardly clamber over his legs and he pulls me between them until I'm sitting with my back against his chest. He wraps his arms around my upper body, and I let my head fall backwards onto his shoulder.

"Potter?"

"Mh?"

"Once this is all over, there's a very nice french restaurant I'd like to take you to."

"Are you asking me on a date, Malfoy?" I smirk.

"Yes," he says earnestly. "It's in muggle London. No one would bother us."

I want to say yes. But a tiny voice inside my head, whispers a name: Casper. So instead I say, "you know restaurants in muggle London?"

Draco huffs out a laugh. "Plenty. It's close to Zabini's house. It's pretty nice, wandering around London without anyone looking at you sideways or knowing who you are."

I pause. "As long as we wouldn't come across Theresa."

"Oh, you'd never find that woman anywhere near muggles," Draco says. "She floos everywhere whenever she needs to leave the house. I'm pretty sure she's never even used her front door."

I laugh, "why even buy a house in muggle London then?"

"You can't find anything big and pompous enough for a Zabini in Diagon Alley," hhe smirks. "And her last Manor burnt down along with her last husband, so…"

"Ok," I say.

"Ok?"

"French it is."

The next few weeks pass in bliss, in such tranquility that I almost forget why I am here. Narcissa has stopped requesting Draco's presence for lunch, and his missions are so few and far between, that we barely have to spend any time apart, which we both thoroughly enjoy. Even the next full-moon is uneventful. Draco drinks his potion dutifully, leaves at six pm sharp, with all wards strongly in place, and reappears the next morning, pale but uninjured.

We don't discuss the outside world. Draco doesn't speak about his mission, and I don't ask. We've come to a silent agreement to, for the time being, simply be. Occasionally, Draco will take out the coin to check in on Blaise and my family. But they too, don't hear much about the war, nor have any Death Eaters appeared around them.

Once his asylum was settled, Blaise officially moved in with his father, started classes at Hawthorn, spending weekends in New Orleans. For all intents and purposes, he is building a new life, with no mention of ever returning to the UK after the war. An option both Draco and I envy him for.

We also don't discuss my escape. I know it's on Draco's mind, but I can't bring myself to mention the subject. I don't know what would be waiting for me outside, and considering how cushy my life currently is, if it can be upheld, I'd rather not find out. But I should have known, that just because I am not making plans for once, doesn't mean Draco isn't secretly plotting.

About a week after the next full-moon, after I finish my shower and am about to get dressed, I hear Draco, laughing in the bedroom. Confused, I press my ear against the door, but it isn't just Draco's voice I hear. There's another, a male voice, chipper sounding. I don't recognize it. I quickly grab the clothes that appear and pull them on and grab Draco's wand he's taken to giving me whenever I shower, so I can dry my curls the way he likes.

I press my ear back on the door, but I can't really make out anything coherent. It's chit-chat, quiet small talk, relaxed and even. Until Draco says loudly "you can come out, Potter." So, I push the door open.

"Well, don't you look better than I expected."

I stare at the boy sitting on Draco's sofa. He's tall and stringy looking, dressed in Slytherin school robes, his arms crossed over his chest and his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles. He beams up at me without a care in the world, revealing a set of bunny-teeth that strangely complement his features. I never exchanged a word with him, but I know who he is.

I let Draco's wand slide out of my sleeve, to which Draco immediately raises a hand, "he's a friend."

I can't help myself. "I thought you didn't have any friends other than Blaise?"

"I said a friend, not my friend."

Theodore Nott clutches his pearls, looking at Draco. "Ouch."

I ignore him. "Semantics. What's he doing here?"

"Hopefully, getting you out," Draco says. But Nott raises an eyebrow at him that suggests he has no idea what he's talking about. Draco leans back in his desk chair. "Hear me out. Nott here has no intention of going back to Hogwarts."

The boy in question nods. "Just got off the train and hope to Merlin I never have to see it again," he says. "But I'd like to leave as quietly as possible Malfoy, not make a scene like Zabini. Taking Potters baby-sister with me doesn't scream quiet, if you ask me." His eyebrows are almost at his mousy-brown hairline.

"Malfoy," I say dryly. "Explain."

"Yeah, explain Malfoy," Nott echoes my words, coking his head to the side.

"How long are you on break for, Nott?" Draco asks.

"Until April 6th."

"That's what, two weeks from now? And in the meantime you'll be doing what exactly?"

Nott's expression darkens. "Accompany father dearest on his killing missions and take the dark mark," he says. "Neither of which I want to do."

Draco nods, "I know. We might be able to avoid the latter. But we will need you to do missions with your father for this to work out."

"We?" I interject, but neither of the two pay me any attention.

"And why is that, Malfoy?"

"Because, after these missions, your father likes to come here to have a drink with mine," Draco says. "Which gives you an excuse to come here and have a drink with me."

"Malfoy, if you want to spend time with me, just say so." He smiles sweetly.

"Fuck off, Nott. You'd be coming here, you'd have a drink with me, you'd be seeing her. You remember her from Hogwarts, you always had a thing for her, and your soft heart can't take seeing her in distress. Until you can't take it anymore, knock me out, disguise her and make a run for it taking her with you."

"And go where?" I ask.

"I mean, she is very pretty." Nott contemplates me.

"Hey."

"Oh, calm your tits, Malfoy. I wouldn't touch her with a ten-foot pole."

Charming.

"And go where?" I reiterate more firmly. "And how even? Malfoy, every way out of the UK is blocked off, there's a ban on international apparition, the floo network is restricted and heavily guarded. Where do you expect us to go?"

"I have a plane," Nott says matter-of-factly.

"A plane?" I raise my eyebrows at him. "A muggle plane?"

Nott nods. "Which is heavily frowned upon," he says. "Which means no one knows about it. And my father would be in some deep shit, if Voldi ever finds out he was keeping such an easy way out of the country secret. Making it all the easier for me to leave with it."

"And you know how to fly a plane?" I ask.

"No, but I do know how to pay the pilot."

I look at Draco, "And how do you know he's trustworthy?"

"The wards, Potter," Draco says. "The wards on this room are built so that no one can come in, who doesn't have our best interest at heart. He wouldn't have made it through them alive if he didn't."

"And you expect me to just go with this?" I ask.

"Ideally."

"Yeah, what's in it for me?" Nott asks.

"Asylum in the US."

I huff. "He's the son of a known Death Eater, a pretty high-ranking one might I add, he's about to take the dark mark, has just spent the last school year torturing first years at Hogwarts, he's a blood-purist, member of the Sacred Twenty-Eight and now apparently frequently dining with You-Know-Who himself. What makes you think they'll grant him asylum?"

"Hey," Nott says indignantly, then mumbles "fair."

"If you vouch for him."

I press my lips into a thin line and think for a moment. "Fine," I say.

"Really?"

"Under one condition."

Draco groans. "Which is?"

"You come with us," I say firmly.

"No." Draco says firmly.

"Yeah, no. I'm not travelling with Malfoy."

"Draco, what do you think is going to happen when they find you unconscious, without a wand and with me gone."

Draco huffs, "you can leave me my wand."

"Fuck no, I'm taking your wand." I twirl it between my fingers.

"Fine, take my wand," he caves much too readily. "I can take a bit of torture, they won't kill me for that."

"I don't want you to get tortured either!"

"Oh, but you were allowed to make that sacrifice?"

"That was necessary."

"So is this. They'll kill my whole family if I leave," Draco says firmly. "Plus, I'm trackable with this," he points at his arm.

"If we're quick enough-"

"Potter, no."

We stare at each other for a long moment before Nott interrupts with a smirk "you two are fucking." We both glare at him instead.

"Fuck off," Draco says. "Just get her out of here."

Nott raises his hands in defense. "Fine, next Monday?"

Draco shrugs, "got no plans so far. Potter?"

I glare at the both of them. "What kind of disguise are you thinking of?"

"Nott has an invisibility cloak."

"At Gringotts," he huffs.

"Then get your arse to Gringotts," Draco says irritated.

Nott groans "do you know how annoying it is to get through Gringotts at the moment?"

"Annoying isn't good enough of an excuse."

"Fine, fine I'll do it."

Before Draco can shoot back there's a knock on the door and the three of us freeze. I move first, throwing Draco's wand at him and running to the bathroom, closing the door behind me with as little noise as possible.

"Yes?" I hear Draco's voice. He's moved to the bedroom door. I can't hear who's on the other side, but I can hear Nott making his goodbyes and a few moments later, Draco open the bathroom door and leans against the frame looking down at me.

We stare at each other again. Draco's expression is strange, measured and composed, but there's something in it that worries me.

"Before I leave," I say. "Can you teach me something?

"That numbing charm you used on me before your aunt came?"