Camp Cretaceous: What Do We Do Now?

by Ecaetheerein

We thought it'd be fun… We thought we'd be safe… But we didn't realize the horror waiting for us on the island. Claws, teeth, screaming… so much screaming. But despite the challenges, we survived the night. Well... some of us. And now that we've been left on the island, we're faced with the challenge of surviving until help arrives... If it arrives...

51. Ep51 Reconciliation

Author's note:

So, yeah, this chapter is a couple of days early... But the audience reception of this chapter directly affects the next one, so I have to post this before moving on. Pleeeeeeeease let me know what you think about it, particularly the Ben/Yaz secret: your opinions will help shape the next chapter which is the reveal!

The next chapter will be the big reveal y'all have been waiting for, and that'll come out April 25. Make sure to tell me what you think it is ;)

WARNING! Suicidal thoughts. Brooklynn, ya know.

Enjoy! And remember to comment! :D

---

"Asian!"

"Not Asian!"

"Asian!"

"Not Asian!"

"ASIAN!"

"NOT ASIAN!"

"Shut up!" Mrs. Bowman snaps, silencing the group with her annoyed bark.

Yasmina and Kenji—the culprits of the bickering—look at each other. "Asian," the athlete hisses.

"Not Asian," he whispers back.

"Can you two please argue like mature, young adults instead of screaming at each other like children?" Darius's mother reprimands.

"We tried! He won't listen!" Yasmina protests.

"I am well aware of what you two were saying before, I'm stuck in the helicopter with you," she sighs.

"Yaz is wrong," Kenji declares. "You're not Asian!"

"I am!" she insists. "More Asian than you!"

"Oh my gosh," Ben chuckles quietly, shaking his head.

"You said your Dad is Japanese and your Mom was Polish and Dutch or something, right?" Yasmina asks.

"Yes," Kenji nods. His father nods as well.

"Making you only half Asian," the athlete states.

"Which is still more than you!" Kenji argues.

"No!" she insists. "My Dad was Pakistani, Iranian, Saudi, and Afghan, to name the top four. My Mom is Saudi, Pakistani, Tajikistani, and Syrian. All of which are in ASIA!"

"No," Kenji says in a childish, immature way. "Not Asia! Middle East!"

"The Middle East is between West Asia and North-eastern Africa," Brooklynn states. "Google says all those countries are in different parts of Asia. Tajikistan is in Central Asia. Afghanistan and Pakistan are in South Asia. And Iran, Syria, and Saudi Arabia are in West Asia."

"Bah!" Kenji sputters to the amusement of his friends. "Your eyes are too big."

"That's not what makes you Asian!" Yasmina argues while her friends laugh. "Asia is bigger than China, Japan, and Korea! Most of Russia is in Asia!"

"Nuh uh!" he scoffs. "Not Asian!"

"Yes Asian!" the athlete snaps.

"If you can still see while smiling, you're not Asian!" Kenji declares, grinning mischievously.

"You are so narrow minded!" Yasmina groans.

"He gets the point, Yaz, but he continues to annoy you," Sammy says, laughing as Kenji glares at her.

"Don't reveal my secret," he whispers.

"Just let it go," Mrs. Bowman sighs in frustration. "So what if he thinks you're wrong?"

"Because I'm not wrong!" Yasmina protests.

"Not Asian," Kenji whispers, enjoying annoying her.

"Asian!" she hisses back in frustration.

"Nope!" he grins.

"Are ya stoOpid?" Yasmina asks, changing to a funny, somewhat Viking accent. "Is your mother a goOat?"

The campers wheeze. "You're such a dimwit knucklehead," Kenji says, imitating Tuffnut perfectly.

"Enough!" Mrs. Bowman groans, so done with the two older campers. "We're set to arrive at home around ten o'clock. Yasmina, your family will be there to pick you and the others up and drive to the prosethesis' house."

"Huh? Oh…" Yasmina frowns, then remembers. She was getting her prosthetic leg that day.

"You wanted your family and friends there with you when you took your first steps," Mrs. Bowman reminds her.

"Yeah…" she murmurs, a feeling of anxiety rising up. She was getting a new leg… The thought scared her.

Yasmina hadn't had time to dwell on the idea of her prosthetic leg in the past couple of days because of the hearing. Her focus had been on Kenji and assuring him that they wouldn't go to trial. Now that that distraction was gone… The full weight of what she was doing that day hits her. She was getting a metal leg…

"Yaz?" Sammy says, bringing her back to reality.

The amputee shakes her head, breathing a little harder. "I…"

"What's wrong?" Darius asks.

Yasmina didn't know how to explain it. It was as if she had learned she was an amputee all over again. The reality of her situation was dawning on her again. The realization that she was replacing her leg hit hard. Her leg… It was gone… She had to replace it… She had to replace it… Replace her leg…

She had watched videos about amputees and how they had to live after their amputation. While the prosthetic leg helped tremendously, it was still hard… It was painful sometimes if parts wore through or her stump changed shape. Walking with it took up more energy in the beginning, and even later in her journey. She couldn't always walk on it… She couldn't always use it all day. She'd need new parts pretty often, and she would need a special leg to run… The ankle joint she was getting wouldn't flex, making it hard to run and even hard to walk up and down stairs…

Her throat let out a strange, animal-like groan at the thought. Even with her leg it would still be hard to walk! She would need special parts and even an entire new leg to run! Swimming would require waterproof parts! Things wouldn't fit right after a while and cause her pain! How did her life come to this?! Now she would require a device just to walk like a normal human, and even then, it had drawbacks!

"Yaz, what's wrong?" Brooklynn asks across from her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sammy asks as she and Kenji rub the amputee's back.

Yasmina buries her face in her hands and folds over, trying to conceal her tears as best she could. "How can I ever be the same again?! Will I ever be the same again?!"

"I'll never be the same again…" the painful thought reminds her. "There's no way to replace my flesh leg… I can't go back and get it… A prosthetic will help, but it will never fully replace my real leg… I'm forever altered, and there's nothing I can do to fix that… I can improve my condition, but I'll never be the same… Nothing can truly replace my real leg…"

Yasmina feels anger and resentment towards her prosthetic leg. The realization that she would have to rely on this leg if she wanted to be mobile for the rest of her life completely dawns on her and it hurt. She didn't want to have to rely on a device to be mobile! She wanted her real leg back. She wanted to be what she once was! She wanted to be the strong athlete who broke records and pushed boundaries with her physical strength! She didn't want to rely on anything else for her strength! That wasn't her!

"I lost myself when I lost my leg…" depression says.

"I'm such a burden… This leg will cost so much to upkeep… It's always going to be a pain, and I'm not even going to be able to do everything I used to!" guilt wails.

"I'm so weak…" shame whispers.

"Yaz, talk to us," Sammy encourages. "What's wrong?"

The amputee sniffs. "I'll never be the same… I have to rely on this… this… this stupid metal leg!" she snaps angrily.

"But now you'll be able to do a lot more than you can with crutches," Kenji says, trying to cheer her up.

"I don't want to do more than I can with crutches, I want to be able to do everything I used to!" she sobs, hissing at him. "Even with the prosthetic, I can't do everything I used to! It's not waterproof, this one! It can't flex it's ankle! It can't run smoothly! Even if it could do everything my real leg could, I have to rely on it! I'm nothing without… without it… and right now… right now my prosthetic limits me… But I'm weak without it…"

"Is that what you think?" Ben asks, catching her attention. "Are those your thoughts?"

Yasmina is reminded of how she overcame her depression momentarily and found motivation to get a prosthetic leg. "I… I don't know…"

"They're not," Brooklynn insists. "You're Miss Overcomer. You'll come back even stronger!"

"You're not weak," Darius says. "You've just got an obstacle to overcome."

"Which you're doing," Kenji says.

"I don't want another obstacle, I just want my leg back," Yasmina cries.

"Sadly, the only way you can do that is to get a prosthetic leg," Sammy reminds her.

"I know, that's what hurts…" Yasmina sniffs. "I don't want to rely on anything but my own strength…"

"But you're not always going to be strong, and that's okay," Ben says.

"Are you scared of being weak and helpless?" Sammy asks.

The amputee nods.

"Well, who's saying that?" Ben asks. "Not you, remember? You named the demons in your head."

Yasmina tries to remember the names she gave them. "I can't…"

"Das: the feeling of inadequacy and helplessness," Brooklynn reads from her phone.

"Das not good," Kenji says, making his same old lame joke. At least it got a snort from the amputee.

"You're going to have your weak moments; that's a fact," Ben says. "But does that make you weak? I don't think so. You're not the type to lay down and let life dictate what you can and can't do. I don't see you letting your amputation do that, either."

"Jezebel: feeling of shame," Brooklynn reads.

"There's no shame in admitting you need help," Sammy pipes up. "You don't have to be ashamed of your disabilities."

"Jabez: guilt," Brooklynn says.

"It's not your fault what happened, and it's not your fault you need help sometimes," Darius says. "You don't have to feel guilty about relying on your prosthetic, either."

"Mara: depression," Brooklynn reads.

"Cheer up, even if the leg is a bit limited, you can still do more than you can now," Kenji says. "Yeah, it can't fully replace your meat leg, but hey! You'll be able to walk without crutches! You'll be able to move around a lot more freely. And maybe later when you get your final prosthetic, you can also get some special parts and doohickies. Cause I see you going to the Olympics and getting a special running leg."

Yasmina looks at all of them. "... Are you in my head?!"

"We know you," Darius grins.

"Think about the good that can come from this instead of dwelling on the bad," Sammy advises.

Yasmina sighs, still anxious and angry.

The helicopter lands and the campers are met by Yasmina's family. "Come on," her mother says, putting an arm around her daughter and guiding her towards the car. "Come, come, come, come. We don't want to be late."

"You five are coming with me," her step-father says, gesturing to the van they borrowed from the Gutierrez's. "Not enough room in our car for all of you."

"Mom? What are you doing here?" Ben asks.

"Flopsy was very sad last night when you didn't come home," his mother says, being pulled forward by the puppy. "Thought I'd let her see you before you guys go. Plus, I'm taking back you guys' luggage. Well, Sammy, Yasmina, Brooklynn, and Ben's luggage, that is."

"Hey, girl!" Ben laughs, leaning down and closing his mouth as she licks his face.

The Golden Shepherd turns her attention to the amputee, who was staring depressingly at the two. "Hey, Flopsy," Yasmina mumbles, smiling a bit as the puppy licks her hand. Flopsy's tail was wagging so violently, the rest of her rear wagged with it. She jumps up and tries to lick away Yasmina's tears.

"No, no, Flopsy!" Ben exclaims, grabbing his dog as Ghaleb catches Yasmina.

"She wants to make you feel better," Habeeba tells her older sister.

"We could bring her if you want," Mrs. Fadoula says. "Dr. Scalapino said you can bring a therapy animal if you need to. They have pets at their house, anyway. We'd just have to make sure she doesn't eat anything she's not supposed to."

"If she's focused on emotions, I don't think she'd be destructive," Ben says. "It's when everyone is boring in her mind that she wreaks havoc…"

"Alright, well, I have to get back to work," Mrs. Pincus says. "I'll drop the suitcases off at your houses. Have fun with your new leg, Sweetie." She gives her son and Yasmina a hug, waves goodbye to the rest and drives off. Mrs. Bowman and Mr. Kon say goodbye and wish Yasmina good luck before heading off.

The Fadoula's and campers drive off in the two cars. Despite her family's joyous attitude about this, she felt depressed. She couldn't get into the spirit, and felt rather hesitant to get her new leg. When they arrived, her father opened the door. "Come on, kiddo," he grins.

Yasmina freezes in panic. She couldn't move a muscle. No matter how much she told herself to move, her body refused.

"Come on, it's okay," her mother says.

Her step-father reaches in and offers a hand. Yasmina tentatively takes it and he guides her out. Shaking, she limps up to the door with her crutches.

The door opens and Dr. Scalapino answers it with a smile. "Right on time. Oh… you have a big group with you."

"She's got a bigger support group than she wants," Kenji teases with a grin.

"Well, come on in," the doctor chuckles. "Not sure if we can fit all of you in the room, but we can try."

"Mom, we have the living room if we want," a voice says as Yasmina limps through.

The amputee turns to see a scary familiar face: Marianna. The amputee she met that first school day.

"The walking rails are in my office room, though," her mother argues.

Marianna grins sheepishly. "We can move them into the living room…"

Dr. Scalapino chuckles, shaking her head. "You're funny."

"I thought we would go to a doctor's office for this," Jabari says.

"I do have an office elsewhere, but I also work from home," Dr. Scalapino explains. "Sometimes we will have prosthetic fittings at my house because the amputees feel more comfortable."

"They also get me for support," Marianna grins. "Hey, I saw you one morning when I dropped off Nalanie at school."

"Oh, I remember," Yasmina says, her eyes wide. The double amputee reminded her of Sammy when they first met, except a little less physically invasive.

Dr. Scalapino laughs. "Did you scare her, Mari?"

"I didn't try to," she shrugs. "I was just trying to make friends with you. I didn't know you were going to my Mom for your leg."

"I didn't know you were her daughter," Yasmina mumbles. "Or Miss Anita's niece."

"I said my name was Marianna Scalapino, remember?" she grins.

"Uh," the amputee stutters, embarrassed that she forgot her name.

"It's fine, I don't remember your name either," Marianna shrugs, earning a chastisement from her mother.

Yasmina and the others laugh, on the other hand. "Yasmina," she says.

"Alright, you two will have plenty of time to get to know each other after we try on the prosthetic," Dr. Scalapino interrupts, moving the group into her office room. It was a tight fit, but they managed. Sammy rolled into a corner and Brooklynn and Habeeba squeezed onto her lab. Kenji sat down in a chair next to her and Ben and Darius sat on his lap, barely smothering their laughter. Ghaleb sat next to him and Jabarai sat on his lap. Marianna sat next to Sammy on the ground. Mr. and Mrs. Fadoula stood next to Yasmina as she sat in the designated chair.

Dr. Scalapino pulls out Yasmina's temporary prosthetic leg, and the amputee's chest tightens. That angry feeling rises up again.

Suppressing it, she pulls on the sleeve with Dr. Scalapino's help. As she slides her residual limb into the socket, Yasmina holds her breath. It was tight. Not painfully tight, but tight because they were using a vacuum suspension system.

Dr. Scalapino checks to see if anything hurts before helping her onto her right leg. Yasmina balances on her human leg with the help of her parents and moves towards the parallel bars. Gripping the metal bars with her hands tightly, she takes a moment to get her bearings.

"You've got this!" Sammy says enthusiastically.

"Whoo!" Darius calls.

"First steps, here we go!" Ghaleb grins.

Yasmina is still bewildered. She was having a hard time believing she would be able to walk again. Slowly… tentatively… She put her prosthetic down. Then she carefully shifts her weight evenly over both legs. The feeling was strange and a bit uncomfortable. She wanted to cry. From what, she wasn't sure.

Moving her left leg forward, Yasmina moves to step. The others were giving her encouragement, but she couldn't hear it. She was completely focused on walking. Clasping the bars, she shifts all her weight onto her left leg for a second and moves her right leg forward. It vaguely registers that her friends are cheering. She looks over at them, realizing she had just taken her first step on her prosthetic leg.

A small smile creeps onto her face as the fear and anger begins to dissipate a bit. Joy and hope was starting to come back. Yasmina looks at Marianna's prosthetic legs. When she walked, there was hardly any sign that she had amputations. Perhaps she was overthinking things… Maybe she could go back to walking normally… Running would take some modifications, but walking around… Maybe she wouldn't be normal, but she could regain her mobility.

More excited about being able to walk than upset that she had to rely on her prosthetic, she takes another tentative step forward. She struggled putting weight on her amputation comfortably, and used the rails and her right leg more, but she was walking.

Reaching the end of the parallel bars, she turns around and smiles shyly at her audience. They were cheering, elated for her. As she walked back, Dr. Scalapino helped her even her hips out and walk more normally. Yasmina became a little more comfortable putting weight on her prosthetic and her gait began to look less like she was limping and more like she was walking.

The amputee walks back and forth a couple more times, getting accustomed to the feeling of her prosthetic. It hadn't even been two full months since she lost her leg. She had also been very muscular and been working out her left leg recently, so her muscles weren't as atrophied as other amputees. It wasn't as taxing to walk on her leg as she thought it would.

Reaching the end of the bars again, she turns around. This time, she moves to the other side so that she only had one bar to use.

"Woah, let's take this slowly," Dr. Scalapino advises.

"I can do this," Yasmina says, her fighting spirit returning.

"You don't have to walk without the bars today," the prosthetist reminds her. "It can take amputees weeks to get used to it." Darius and Sammy laugh at her attempt to keep Yasmina taking it slow.

"I'm going to walk," Yasmina murmurs, squashing any fear of failure and taking a step forward. She grips the bar with her right hand and allows her mother to stand by her left side.

More confident the more she walked, she turns around and grips the bar with her left hand, upping the difficulty. Her friends and family are hardly able to contain their excitement as they see her progress, and it infects her. Letting out a childish giggle of excitement, Yasmina looks up as she walks. "Can I try walking without the bars?" she asks.

"Let's try one more walk with the bar and then you can," Dr. Scalapino says. The prosthetist helps her use her knee more this time around, as Yasmina had been keeping her leg stiff as she walked.

After getting more comfortable bending her knee, Yasmina stands at the end of the bars. Stalling a bit, she chuckles. "I forgot that I said I wanted the Rocky theme song playing as I took my first steps."

"Hey, you still can," Marianna reminds her.

Brooklynn plays it on her phone. The upbeat music she used to listen to while training for competitions brings back memories. Pushing away feelings of nostalgia, she lets go of the bar and takes a step forward. With Dr. Scalapino and her mother on either side of her, Yasmina walks out of the office and into the hallway. She reaches the end of the hallway and turns around to face her friends and family. The whole group cheers, bringing an uncontrollably happy grin to her face.

"Alright, let's take it off," Dr. Scalapino smiles, leading her to their stairs. Yasmina sits down and let's the prosthetist show her how to take off her leg.

"Why can't I keep it on?" she asks.

"For the first three days, you'll wear it for fifteen minutes," Dr. Scalapino says. "After that, we'll move to thirty minutes for three days. Then forty-five minutes for three days. Then an hour, then two hours. You need to build up your stamina and become more accustomed to walking with your leg. If you feel any pain or discomfort, say something. Things will shift and change and we'll need to readjust parts."

"You won't walk if it hurts," Marianna says confidently.

"You'd be surprised," Sammy laughs.

"Mom, what's this random dog doing in here?" a boy calls as skidding occurs. The next thing the athlete knows, Flopsy is barreling towards her. Ears back, eyes crazy, mouth open wide and tongue hanging out. Yasmina yelps as the Golden Shepherd tackles her face, knocking her back against the stairs.

"Flopsy!" Ben exclaims, grabbing his dog by the collar and pulling her off of his friend.

"Oh, it's your dog," a boy says, about Darius's age. He leans on the railing and grins dorkily. "So, you're Marianna's new friend."

"Uh, I wouldn't say that," Yasmina stutters.

"Oh, go away, Amadeo," Marianna scoffs. "Get the dogs to have a playdate."

Amadeo annoyingly mimics his older sister before leading the campers and Yasmina's siblings to the backyard. Marianna sits next to Yasmina on the stairs. "Do you like your metal leg?"

"I don't…" Yasmina starts to say, unsure how she felt. "I… I just… It's not…"

"It's not a part of you?" the other amputee suggests. Yasmina nods. "Yeah, I felt a bit resentful towards my prosthetics in the beginning," Marianna says. "It was like… how I pictured losing a parent and then gaining a step-parent. You mourn the original, and resent the replacement."

Yasmina glances at her step-father, and the two snort. "Yeah, I understand the resenting the replacement," she chuckles.

"Oh, you guys are?" Marianna asks, gesturing to Yasmina and her step-father.

Yasmina nods.

"Oh," the double amputee says. "Well, getting my legs is how I picture that would feel."

"Yeah, it's weird how I kind of hate my prosthetic leg…" Yasmina murmurs.

"I tried writing letters to my metal leg," Marianna says, earning a bark of laughter from Yasmina. "It sounds silly, but it helped. You can write to it as if it's a sentient being. Express your frustration and tell it how you need to work together. It really helped me."

"I might try that when I get home…" Yasmina murmurs.

The Scalapino's give tips on some things Yasmina might go through before the Fadoula's have to go home. "Oh, unfortunately, you can't shave the leg missing the limb," Marianna says.

"Why not?" Yasmina asks.

"Because the vacuum suction system won't let your leg breathe," Marianna explains. "You sweat a lot, and if there's any open wound or even a tiny cut, it can become infected."

"Lucky for me, I'm used to being a hairy monster," Yasmina remarks, deadpan.

She reluctantly exchanges phone numbers with Marianna before they say goodbye and head home. "Well, you've got your leg," Mrs. Fadoula says.

"I definitely have it," Yasmina says, blinking at the metal leg sitting in her lap. Her siblings laugh at the sight, and she laughs with them, a little more confident in what her future held.

---

"I just don't know what's wrong," Mrs. Fadoula sighs.

Brooklynn's interest is piqued. She was standing in the Gutierrez's closet next to the kitchen. The campers and siblings were playing hide n seek and Sammy was the seeker. It seemed a little unfair to Brooklynn, but Sammy insisted.

Brooklynn's hiding place gave her a great way to eavesdrop on the mother's conversation, so she leans against the door to listen closely.

"Yasmina and Ben never seemed to have a problem until two weeks ago," Mrs. Fadoula continues. "No one else seems to know what happened. They're acting really strange. Well, Yasmina is. I haven't seen Ben before this morning. He's been avoiding coming over to my house."

"I haven't noticed anything wrong," Mrs. Bowman says. "The entire time we were in New Jersey, there was no problem."

"No awkwardness, no avoidance?" Yasmina's mother asks.

Brooklynn assumes Mrs. Bowman shakes her head.

Mrs. Fadoula sighs. "Yasmina has been really weird. It started with avoiding him. We suggest she sleep over at his house, or he comes over to ours, and she refuses. Gives a bunch of excuses for why he can't come over. She changes the subject whenever he comes up. Doesn't want to talk about him. Now, she's really panicked. It's like the memory of him hurts her…"

"Do you think they had a fallout?" Mrs. Gutierrez asks.

"I hope not," Yasmina's mother says. "When we ask her if there's something going on between them, she shuts down."

"Maybe it's a disagreement?" Mrs. Monell suggests.

"She reacts like she's… afraid," Mrs. Fadoula stutters, trying to find the right word. "If we say, 'How's Ben?' she kinda jumps and gets panicked. It's as if we're discussing Isla Nublar."

"Maybe he did something?" Mrs. Gutierrez suggests. Brooklynn can hear the clatter of a pot and it's lid. "Yasmina reacts strongly to things that trigger her. Maybe he accidentally triggered a bad memory?"

"She normally doesn't react that badly for this long…" Mrs. Fadoula groans in exasperation. "And Ben… She has a soft spot for Ben. I figured if he did something, she'd have forgiven him by now. But every time we mention him, she gets that nervous look."

"The other kids are really close to them, do they not know anything?" Mrs. Monell asks.

"I've asked them, but they don't know," Mrs. Fadoula says. "Either that or they're lying. Kenji said they just acted uncomfortable around each other. I would think the other kids would know, but they seem as confused as me."

"I haven't noticed any strange behavior with them," Mrs. Gutierrez says. "I've heard Sammy say they're actin' funny, but I haven't seen them act out of the ordinary."

"Yeah, they've been fine when I've seen them together," Mrs. Bowman adds.

"I don't understand…" Mrs. Fadoula mutters. Brooklynn can barely hear her. "I asked her if something happened in the car on the way here, and she said I would be mad… She wouldn't elaborate."

"Mad?" Mrs. Gutierrez questions. "Like disappointed or angry?"

"I don't know, she seemed… ashamed," Yasmina's mother stutters. "She was really defensive when talking to Ghaleb, but very… subdued? Um… guilty? When talking to me. She also has mentioned that she hopes their friendship can still survive, but downright refuses to say anything more."

"Emma, have you noticed any problems with Ben?" Mrs. Bowman asks.

There was silence for a moment. "The two have been acting strange and avoiding each other," Mrs. Pincus speaks up for the first time. "Whatever it is, they'll tell us on their own time."

The conversation moves onto something boring. Brooklynn sits down in the closet, muling over what she heard. "Miss Ayishah would be mad at Yaz? Why… What has she done? What happened between her and Ben that her Mom would be mad about? Why is Yaz afraid their friendship will die? Has Ben done something? Did Yaz say who she'd be mad at? … What's going on…?"

Brooklynn hears her mother talking and tunes back in. "I'm not sure what to do… Our fights are getting worse."

"You guys seemed to be getting better when Brooklynn came back," Mrs. Bowman comments.

"I think it was the shock of losing her and regretting what we didn't do as parents," Brooklynn's mother sighs. "He was more attentive to Milton and Brooklynn when she came back. He was more present in the house… But it's faded. He's spending more time at work now. The change isn't lasting. He's gone back to being neglectful."

Brooklynn wished she could argue with her mother's statements, but it was true… Her father had begun to pull back and act how he used to. Her mother had changed and prioritized her and Milton over work, but her father… Work was where he was most of the time now. He wasn't there for her when she had panic attacks or flashbacks. Her mother and Milton weren't there or very helpful most of the time, but they were trying… Her father, on the other hand…

"Will you try couple's therapy?" Mrs. Gutierrez asks.

"I would like to at least attempt it, but Colin doesn't want to," her mother tschs. "We argued about it last night. He thinks it's a waste of time. He's convinced there's no saving our marriage and that we should bail out. It would certainly be easier for both of us, but we can't do that."

"Sometimes divorce is the best option," Mrs. Fadoula butts in.

"Akeem was abusive, Ayishah," Brooklynn's mother argues. "It was better for you and the kids to leave. I don't think that's what's best for our kids right now, specifically Brooklynn."

A pit of unease forms in Brooklynn's stomach at her name.

"Colin thinks it would be best to divorce and separate so that the kids don't hear us constantly fighting," Mrs. Monell continues. "He says it would be better if they weren't surrounded by bickering parents. And I definitely think it's better for Milton and specifically Brooklynn to have peace in the house, but we can't separate. That's traumatic for kids in a normal situation. I'm afraid if we go through the divorce, Brooklynn will turn for the worse."

Tears prick at the sides of her eyes. "They're unhappy in their relationship and the only reason they're together is because of me…"

"As much as I want to leave him, we can't separate," Mrs. Monell sighs. "I'm afraid divorcing will push her over the edge. She needs her support system all in one place. We have to stay together for her sake. But I'm not sure how we can if he's insistent on separating…"

"If Colin is hardly there for her anyway, I can't see how separating will affect her too much," Mrs. Fadoula states.

"She'd blame herself for it," Mrs. Bowman correctly guesses. "She'd think it was her fault you two divorced."

"That's what I'm afraid of," her mother sighs.

Brooklynn doesn't comprehend Mrs. Bowman's point. Instead, guilt laments about how it was all her fault. "I'm the only reason my parents are staying together… They're miserable and I'm keeping them together… I'm such a horrible daughter…"

"They're unhappy in their marriage, and the only reason they're together is because of me…"

"My family is broken because of me…"

"They must hate me… My father hates me… Mom doesn't seem to, but she should… Milton probably hates me…"

"Wait, I'm not the only kid," the voice of reason pipes up. "They're staying together for Milton, too."

"Hehe, found you!" Shelby exclaims, throwing open the closet door.

Brooklynn jumps. "Hey! You're not the seeker!"

The six year cackles evilly. "Sammy! I found Brooklynn!"

As soon as she leaves, Brooklynn darts out and hides in the laundry room. They weren't allowed to hide upstairs since Sammy couldn't get up there.

There in her new hiding spot, Brooklynn overhears the older brothers talking. Ghaleb, Milton, and Brandon hadn't wanted to play and were checking out Mr. Gutierrez's rifle collection. "Your Mom's talking s*** about your Dad in the kitchen," Ghaleb says, barely audible.

"We all talk s*** about him," Milton tschs. "He's crap… I mean, both of my parents can be crap, but at least Mom is trying to change."

"Were they fighting last night?" Brandon asks.

"Again," Milton says. Brooklynn can practically hear him rolling his eyes. "They both want to divorce but Mom thinks it would be better to stay together and make it work. For their favorite child."

The anger and pain in his voice makes her tear up again.

"Brooklynn's just struggling right now and needs the support," Brandon argues.

"No, she's always been the favorite child," Milton states. "Even before she was depressed and suicidal, she was the favorite. She's always been the little princess. Mom and Dad always favored her over me. Even before the Youtube channel."

Brooklynn couldn't deny it. They both knew she was the favored child. Before, Brooklynn would lord it over her brother as an advantage and an achievement. She was the perfect daughter while he was the troublesome son. Now, Brooklynn felt horrible about it. It was clear to both of them that if it was just Milton, her parents would've separated. But because Brooklynn was there, the two stayed and made it work. Milton was never important enough to make them stick their arguments out, and it hurt him… She had hurt him…

"Are you sure they're really playing favorites?" Brandon asks, unable to believe a parent would do that.

"Oh, definitely," Milton scoffs. "We both knew. I hated Brooklynn because of it… Course, now I feel bad about that…"

"No… Your hatred is justified… You didn't deserve that…" Brooklynn thinks.

"Whenever they're arguing, it's always, 'What will this do to Brooklynn?' 'We can't leave, it will break Brooklynn,'" Milton continues. "Hardly ever hear my name mentioned in those fights. And before the island, it was always, 'Divorce will look bad on Youtube.' 'We're the happy couple on Youtube, we can't break that image. She might lose followers.'"

Brooklynn could practically hear Ghaleb grimace as he speaks. "I think that might be because if she lost followers, she wouldn't make as much on Youtube…"

"Yeah, her making money on social media probably helped with her favorite child syndrome," Milton agrees. "I mean, right now it's better than them not caring about her at all and pushing her over the edge, but… Hey, I'm still here. She's not an only child, you know…"

Tears spill out and Brooklynn tries not to cry loudly. She felt horrible! Why did she constantly remind Milton that their parents loved her more than him?! She was such a jerk!

"Mom and Dad would be happier separated… And I'm the reason they're staying together… It's my fault they're miserable… If I hadn't been born, Milton would've been the favorite child… The only child… They would all be better off without me…"

"Just another reason for me to leave this world…" suicide talks. "My friends and family need a break from the pain and misery I cause them… I need to find a way to leave… and fast…"

Giving into the thoughts, Brooklynn contemplates her options. The whole reason she was staying around was because of her friends and family. If she was harming them… Why would she stay around? How could she claim to love them, yet agonize them with her existence and presence? It was selfish of her to stay! She had to leave!

She could run away, but what would she do with her life… She had no will outside of her friends… She could end her life, but her friends and family cared a lot about her… Her death would be excruciating… She had to find a way to soften the blow first… Distance them so that her death wouldn't be as painful… Maybe even find a replacement of some sorts… Someone wonderful for Darius to love… A little sister for Yaz and Kenji to protect…

"I have to start thinking about them…" Brooklynn tells herself.

---

Brooklynn continues to contemplate suicide and breakaway options while laying on Yasmina's bed. She was spending the night with her at her house. Yasmina was sitting at her desk, tapping her pen on the wood in thought. She was trying Marianna's advice and writing a letter to her prosthetic leg, which sat on her desk next to her. They had to keep it up, otherwise their mouthy Husky would chew on it.

Brooklynn watches Yasmina. The amputee wasn't writing. In fact, Brooklynn was pretty sure she hadn't written anything at all. She was staring at the wall and tapping her pen. The older girl seemed so depressed. Since the helicopter ride, her mood had fluctuated.

The pinkette hadn't seen her friend depressed in about two weeks. Yasmina hadn't been sad since she had her breakthrough and got the ball rolling for her prosthetic. On that day, she had become herself again. After that, she was acting more normal. She was working out and pushing her body to get better. She had met her extended family and faced those demons. She had realized her crush, which brought on a whole new emotion and feeling for her. As well as experienced trouble with Ben…

But for whatever reason, getting her prosthetic had triggered that depressed state. It hurt Brooklynn to see her strong friend so sad… Brooklynn knew the feeling all too well and wouldn't wish it on anyone else. It tore her up knowing that Yasmina felt that way. It was disheartening to see her so unmotivated.

Yasmina turns around and glumly looks at Brooklynn. "You okay?"

The pinkette shakes her head, coming out of her deep thoughts. "Oh… yeah…"

"Depressed?"

"Yeah… Just… don't want to do anything…"

"Yeah…"

Brooklynn lifts her head to look at her. "Do you want to play a game?"

Yasmina blinks. "I wanna get better, but I don't wanna do anything… Which is the problem…"

Brooklynn nods, understanding. Her thoughts were stuck on suicide, but she couldn't let Yasmina know that. The amputee would try to convince her otherwise, and there was no changing Brooklynn's mind. She loved her friends and family and the idea of harming them just to stay with them…

Unfortunately, every move Brooklynn had would lead to injury of her friends. If she killed herself, her friends would be emotionally devastated. If she ran away, they would drop everything and spend all their resources searching for her. If she stayed, she'd continue to harm them…

"How am I harming them?" the voice of reason asks.

It's squashed and ignored by the guilt. "Just goes to show how horrible I am… No matter what I do, I'm hurting them! There's no move I can make that doesn't end badly for them! Just think about what it would do to Yaz! She's depressed right now! She was doing better but now has had a reset! Maybe I'm part of the problem…"

"It takes time and effort to overcome depression, I probably have nothing to do with her depression," reason argues.

"Everything is always my fault…" guilt accuses. "It's my fault… She's so protective of me… It's going to get her hurt someday… She'll get in trouble… That's why I'm a danger to her… She's blinded by love for me and would do anything to save me… I don't deserve that love… She deserves someone better… Someone worthy of her protection and affection… Right now, I'm going to get her killed, and for what? Me? Me with my past? I don't deserve her protection…"

"But she loves me… She'd be willing to die for me… What does it matter if I'm not worthy? She feels the same way, doesn't she? She feels like it's her fault I lost my eye. We're both in the same boat."

Guilt masquerades as the good side. "No, we're not in the same boat. She's abused and broken, but still cares about me… I don't deserve it… If Yaz loves me, she'd kill someone to protect me! She'd die for me! I can't let her do that!"

"But isn't that what I want to do? Die so that her life can be better?"

Brooklynn covers her head and curls into a ball, trying to escape the whirlwind of thoughts. She was getting confused… Her resolve was starting to shake… What was right and what was wrong?!

"If Yaz died, I would never forgive myself… Yaz feels the same way about me… Why is it right for me to end my life and torment her, but I'm the one at fault if she dies and torments me?" reason continues.

"Because she deserves better!" guilt shouts. "Yasmina is completely innocent! She never did anything wrong! She's trying to preserve and protect the ones she cares for! I'm a monster! I'm a horrible, wretched person! My past! Remember my past! I don't deserve any good after that! How can I think that me and Yaz are in the same boat?! She deserves better! I don't!"

With that, Brooklynn shuts down any logical thinking. Tapping her right foot anxiously on the bed, she thinks, "I can't be selfish like that… No, I have to leave… I have to die… for their good…"

But she was still stuck with her dilemma: how did she end her life without hurting her friends? Should she try to push them away? Make them hate her to soften the blow? No… she couldn't do that to them… They would see what she was trying to do…

What if she replaced herself? Found someone else to take her spot in the group? Sure, this new person couldn't understand the horrors they went through, but what else was she supposed to do? They would need someone to fill the spot she would leave…

"Yazzy," Habeeba says, opening the door. "Can we hang out?"

Yasmina takes a second to turn to her. "No, I'm trying to do a therapy thingy… Not right now…"

Habeeba pouts and closes the door sadly.

A thought stabs Brooklynn in the heart. In a way, she—the depressed pinkette—had replaced Habeeba. Yasmina and her younger sister used to be really close… But the island changed that… Separated them… No… Brooklynn separated them. Brooklynn was now Yasmina's younger sister. She took higher priority over Habeeba. The amputee wasn't spending as much time with her younger sister.

"Maybe it won't be too hard to replace me after all…" Brooklynn thinks. If Yasmina was spending more time with Brooklynn than her younger sister, would it be so hard to divert her attention and energy back to Habeeba? Maybe when Brooklynn inevitably died, Yasmina would turn back to Habeeba and fix their relationship to what it used to be… Perhaps Brooklynn could speed up the process… Maybe Habeeba could replace her with Kenji, too… Or Rio, Sandra, and Shelby could be the younger sister replacements for the alpha male…

But how would she get Yasmina to hang out more with her younger sister? The amputee hardly had any energy or motivation… and neither did the pinkette…

An idea strikes her.

For the next five minutes, Brooklynn gives herself pep talks to have the motivation to sit up and get on her phone. "Yaz," she sighs.

"What?" Yasmina mumbles, turning around in her chair.

"Are you a good dancer?" Brooklynn asks.

Yasmina's face falls.

"This doesn't require leg work," Brooklynn assures her. "It's just, there's this one song that I really like and it has this iconic dance move. It's like this shoulder shimmy but I can't get it down and it's super frustrating."

"Lemme see it," the amputee mumbles. Brooklynn hands her her phone with the video. Yasmina studies it while Brooklynn sticks her head out the door and calls to Habeeba. She pulls back into the room and finds the amputee frowning at her. "This is Kpop, isn't?" she accuses.

Habeeba cackles as Brooklynn grins. "I still wanna learn it."

Miffed at the genre, Yasmina rolls her eyes. "Fine…"

The three watch the move over and over again until Yasmina thinks she had it down. "K… I think it goes du, du, du. Du, du, du," she mumbles to herself, attempting the move herself. She starts slow then begins to go faster. "Okay, I think I got it."

The amputee begins to teach her sister and Brooklynn how to dance. Yasmina was a bit snappy and irritable at first when the two wouldn't get it, but after a while she was shaking her head with a smile. Her sour, sad mood began to change as she had fun with her sister and friend.

Ghaleb sticks his head in to see what the fun was about. "I'm only listening to this because Brooklynn was depressed," Yasmina snaps quickly.

Her older brother listens for a second before realizing and grins. "Sureeeeeee!"

"Shut up!" Yasmina rolls her eyes, smirking.

Ghaleb joins the group and tries to help dance instructor Yasmina teach the girl. Brooklynn maneuvers herself so that Ghaleb was helping her and Yasmina was helping Habeeba. While the younger girl caught on eventually, Brooklynn could not get it down. She watches Yasmina and Habeeba perfect it with laughter as she struggles.

"Look, I'm a beautiful ballerina!" Habeeba declares, holding her arms above her head and spinning around. "Just like Brooklynn!"

"Yeah…" the pinkette's smile almost falls at the thought.

Brooklynn is happy that Yasmina seemed better and was spending time with her sister. But she also felt sad… Sad because she realized if her plan worked, she would be gone. There would be no more moments like this… It was better for her friends and family, but oh, how she would miss them…

Blinking back tears, Brooklynn tries to distract herself. Moving out of the room, she finds Jabari and pulls him in against his will. "You're dancing with us," she insists, grabbing his hands and wheeling them around to the music.

The twelve year old merely blinks in mild dislike at her, giving no effort to dance. "Come on, stop being boring!" Ghaleb laughs, scooping him up under the arms and swaying his brother side to side.

Jabari cracks a grin. "Stop it!"

The four try to force him to dance and have fun, which ends up being more fun than actually dancing.

By the time the parents shut it down, the kids were exhausted but happy. Yasmina—while not completely better—was much brighter and energetic than before. She was more present and more happy. Brooklynn even caught her humming the first song they listened to, though the athlete denied it.

Brooklynn felt genuine happiness by the end of the party, but guilt decided to crash it. "I can't enjoy her company. I have to draw away. For Yaz's own good… And now I'm bonding with her siblings… just three more people for me to hurt…"

Settling down in bed next to her friend, Brooklynn is hit with a feeling of homesickness. Her plans of distancing herself from her friends hurt… It physically hurt to think about leaving them. The recent memory of seeing Yasmina laugh and dance plays and guilt reminds her that that might be the last time she sees her friend act like that…

Tears form. She hadn't even left or pulled away and she already missed them! She longed to run back and give Yasmina a great big bear hug like she did when they saw each other for the first time in Texas. She desperately wished to dance and sing and laugh like they did earlier. Her heart ached to hug her friend and fall asleep next to each other like they did on the island… And Yasmina was right behind her…

Brooklynn recalls when her, Kenji, and Yasmina escaped Main Street on the motorcycle, then took the tunnels back to the park. The three had gotten trapped and spent the night in the vents, curled up together. Yasmina curled up with her back against the cold, metal wall of the vent, shivering slightly. Seeking warmth in the cold, cruel vent, Brooklynn crawled over to her. She snuggled in close, pressing her body against her with her fists to her chest. Yasmina's body heat helped warm her up, and despite the athlete clearly rolling her eyes, she didn't resist. Kenji scootched up behind her and draped his right arm over the two girls, sandwiching Brooklynn between the two older teens. He tucked Brooklynn's head under his chin and sighed.

"Bleh, Kenji! Your breath stinks!" Yasmina complained.

Kenji merely snickered, snuggling closer. Brooklynn broke a smile. His breath smelled horrible, but Yasmina didn't smell good herself after racing around in the same clothes for weeks on end. Brooklynn wasn't complaining, though. Warmth and body odor was better than being alone.

Unable to take it, Brooklynn bursts into tears. She wanted her friends back! She wanted their friendship! She wanted their love and care! She didn't want to pull away and end her life now! She wanted to spend time with her loved ones!

"Brook, what's wrong?" Yasmina whispers, sitting up in bed.

The pinkette sobs and curls into a ball, unwilling to tell her friend what was wrong. "You know why you're doing this, Brooklynn!" she screams at herself. "Stop thinking about your own happiness and think about theirs!"

For most of the night, Brooklynn cries, mourning her friends while Yasmina tries to get her to open up. Finally, the athlete gives up and Brooklynn cries herself dry. The two fall asleep with Brooklynn curled up in the fetal position and Yasmina hugging her from behind. "This isn't going to be easy…" Brooklynn thinks as she drifts off.

---

The next day, Brooklynn invests most of her time at school organizing and preparing her plan. The younger siblings would work best as a replacement for her with Yasmina and Kenji… Possibly for Sammy. Ben, she wasn't sure who to use… Darius would require someone else. Since he seemed to be developing a subconscious crush on her, he would need someone he could grow up and marry. Unless she wanted to attempt setting him up with Rio or Habeeba—which would get them nowhere since they were like his sisters—she would have to find someone new. The first place she would look would be school.

"Miss Fadoula!" her English teacher snapped, startling Brooklynn. "Would you mind explaining what I just said?"

Brooklynn looks over at her friend, who had been resting her head on her desk; Yasmina was tired and depressed.

The athlete blinks sleepily, then goes into a short, but correct, explanation of what the teacher was teaching. Miffed, the English teacher goes back to her lecture.

Yasmina gives Brooklynn an annoyed—but proud—look. "Viviano pabo," she hisses as quietly as she can.

Brooklynn can't help but grin in agreement, though her mind was fuming. Their English teacher seemed to have something against the three girls. She was short tempered and had no compassion for those with PTSD and anxiety. For whatever reason, their trauma was an inconvenience to her. In her mind, they were petty teen girls seeking attention in the most annoying ways possible… It didn't matter how many times the other teachers explained what happened to them. Miss Viviano was convinced they were obnoxious. She seemed to have it out for Yasmina in particular, though… Thankfully, the majority of their teachers were understanding and helpful. Miss Viviano was the exception.

Rolling her eyes, Brooklynn returns her eyes to the blackboard and her attention back to her secret plans, particularly, who she could set Darius up with… She glances around the classroom, thinking. She had reluctantly started to get to know the popular girls… Sophie was their leader and she was pretty nice, but she triggered Yasmina with chewing gum. Brooklynn couldn't pick someone like that to matchmake with Darius. Mia was sweet, but a bit of an idiot… Brooklynn felt Darius should have someone on his intelligence level. Mckenzie was a bit gruff around the edges and emo, but she was nice…

"Nah, doubt Darius would be into emo," Brooklynn thinks.

That left Kaitlyn and Joanna… Both nice, but had their flaws. She found Joanna to be a bit nitpicky and whiny. Kaitlyn was tough and liked to pick fights with the guys… Not unlike Yasmina…

Internally sighing, Brooklynn runs through Sammy's friends, even though they were three to four years older than him. Darius wasn't going to date anytime soon, so the age difference didn't matter. There was Lucy…

"Nope, too ditzy," Brooklynn discards her quickly.

There was Bell…

"Sweet, but zero personality," Brooklynn tschs.

There was Saige…

"Milton is pursuing her. No need to give him and Darius any more reason to hate each other," she thinks.

There was Harper…

"Emo, gothic version of Yasmina. Nope, anyone like Yaz or Sammy is immediately out of the question," Brooklynn decides. She wanted a replacement for her friendship with him, not his friendship with them…

Course, now she wonders what his type was.

The boy was twelve and if this truly was a crush on Brooklynn, it would be his first. She had zero idea what he was into in a girl besides herself. There were no references to go off of. Did he like blondes or brunettes? Blue eyes or brown eyes? Did he want a nerdy, intelligent girl or a sporty chic? Did he like introverts or extroverts? Tall or short? Vibrant and spunky or down-to-Earth and calm? All these questions ran through her head, but she didn't have any answers…

She couldn't even ask Kenji or Ben. Brandon, maybe, but then he'd be doing guess work because Darius had zero interest in girls besides her.

"So far, I'm his type…" she thinks despairingly. That wasn't helpful! The reason she was trying to replace herself was so that he didn't end up with her! Why would she replace herself with a different, foreign version of herself?

"Maybe she'd be different… Course, if she's like me, then she'd have the same flaws…"

Frustrated, she's forced to evaluate herself for options. She had fair skin and bluish green eyes… Brown hair, but he had almost always seen it pink… "So, maybe he likes fair girls with colored hair…"

Body type didn't seem to matter yet… Or he liked flat girls. "I'm flatter than a fricking Iphone, so maybe he's into that… Subconsciously," she muses.

Abilities? She was smart and had a lot of random knowledge which came in handy on the island… He liked intelligent girls. Darius certainly wouldn't like to rant on about dinosaurs and other topics and have his girlfriend/wife sit there with a blank stare, comprehending nothing. She didn't always comprehend what he was saying, but she listened and retained some things…

Brooklynn wasn't sure if he wanted sporty or artsy… She was both, yet neither at the same time. Running around a track like Yasmina or playing a sport professionally wasn't her cup of tea… But she wasn't against physical activity or getting dirty for fun. She was more artsy in terms of technology and fashion… She could draw and paint if she wanted to, but would rather stick to the intellectual side…

"He'd probably want someone who's willing to be outdoors and in nature…" she thinks. "Maybe not at Yaz's level of athletic, but she can't be too prissy, either. She'd have to be fine getting dirty and playing rough… And he probably wants something of an artsy girl… Maybe just in dancing and singing… He likes it when I sing…"

Personality? Brooklynn was stumped… She knew what he didn't like. Darius didn't want a girl who questioned him too much and didn't trust him. He got frustrated with her when she wasn't following his lead… So Darius would need a girl who's more agreeable than her. Also more trusting…

Beyond that…

Brooklynn could only think about her flaws. She was selfish and bratty and… She didn't even want to think about her past. Darius deserved better…

Her right foot taps the ground anxiously.

But she wanted him… Brooklynn wanted to be the one he chose. She wanted to be the one who spent the rest of her life with him. She wanted to love him and have a family and grow old with him…

"No, no, no, that's selfish!" guilt chastises. "He deserves better, I deserve less! I can't fall in love with him! Who do you think you are, Brooklynn?! Who do you think you are wanting that life! You don't deserve it! Forget about it! I deserve less than him! He deserves the best!"

Tears brim and her lip trembles. She looks down at her notebook, pretending to be taking notes while trying not to cry. She loved him so much… How could she be so selfish? She knew she was a horrible person, how could she want to spend her life with him?!

But her heart said differently… Deep down, she questioned whether she was as bad as she thought… Maybe she could love him… Maybe she didn't have to disappear…

"No! I can't! You've hurt Darius once, Brook! You can't do it again! Stop this selfish thinking!" guilt yells.

Her internal war left her barely holding back tears.

Packing up her bags to head to her next class, Brooklynn wipes her eyes as she walks. "Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry," she tells herself.

She bumps into someone and immediately apologizes. "Sorry," she mumbles, looking up at Ben. "Oh," she says.

"Are you okay?" he asks, noticing her shiny, teary eyes.

Her chest constricts, using her strength to keep it together.

Ben pulls her into a quick hug in the hallway. Brooklynn almost breaks down in his arms, but remembers where she is.

He pulls back. "You're spending the night at my house," he declares.

Brooklynn didn't want to. She knew Ben would question her and try to figure out what was wrong. He'd try to help her, but she was past helping… There was nothing he could do for her, but he wouldn't accept that. Ben also seemed to have an unnatural sense of what was happening in her head…

But she couldn't refuse without seeming suspicious.

She sighs. "Fine…"

School passes and she's barely holding through. She ends up in Mrs. Pincus's car, staring out the window deep in thought. They arrive and Brooklynn helps Ben take his puppy for a walk. The pinkette makes sure to fill the silence with small talk, ranging anywhere from the weather to his puppy to their strange neighbors. "They are so weird," Brooklynn comments once they are out of hearing distance. "They don't say hello or make any motion that we're there. They just stand there and stare at us like we're foreigners."

"Yeah… Our other neighbors have had similar experiences," Ben mumbles.

The two head back to his house and Brooklynn insists on helping with dinner, trying anything to stall the inevitable conversation. She puts up a happy face and laughter as she helps clean and eat dinner, but her depression was eating away at the facade. After dinner, Mrs. Pincus suggests a game night. Brooklynn quickly agrees.

The four go through Clue, Scrabble, Jenga, Uno, and Sorry. They bring out a family version of Cards Against Humanity, and Brooklynn is ready for the night to end. She just wanted to fall asleep and forget about everything else. She wants this depressed feeling to disappear forever… Unfortunately, she had to keep up her happy face.

The Pincus's notice she's not feeling too well. "Alright, maybe we should hit the hay," Ben's father suggests, exaggerating a yawn.

"Yeah, it's almost ten o'clock," Mrs. Pincus agrees. "You guys will have to be packed early tomorrow. You're traveling for the second time this week."

"It's Yaz's sweet sixteen," Brooklynn says numbly. "She wants it to be special."

Ben mumbles something to himself that she didn't quite catch.

The two head to the bathroom to brush their teeth and get ready for bed. While she's brushing, staring at her blind, clouded eye, her emotions brew. "Hideous…" shame murmurs. "I'm hideous… Look at these scars… This blind eye… No one would want me…"

In a way, her appearance reminded her of her past… Scarred… Hideous… Ugly and eye-catching… It was as if her revolting past broke through her perfect, celebrity facade and scarred her physically. Her past staining her life the way her scar disrupted her visage.

"Darius loves me despite my scar… He'd do the same with my past," hope speaks.

Her heel hops up and down; it was becoming her nervous tic. "But do I deserve his mercy?" guilt claps back. "Huh? Do I deserve it? People like me don't deserve forgiveness… I can't want him. He's out of my league. I'm beneath his attention. The sooner I accept that, the sooner things will be better! The sooner Darius can get better… The sooner he can find someone worthy…"

The idea that she was selfishly depriving Darius and the others of happiness because she couldn't let them go breaks the dam. Try as she might, she can't suppress the overwhelming sadness and starts sobbing, spitting out the toothpaste in the sink.

"Burrk," Ben says through his toothbrush in his mouth and does the same. The boy pulls her into his arms as she cries.

Despite the guilt she was feeling, Brooklynn clings to him, desperate for comfort. That homesick, lonely feeling returned and she longed for her friends. She longed for the closeness they shared on the island. Why couldn't they go back to that time? Why couldn't they be the amazing friends they used to be? Why did she have to pull away and plan her death?!

"You know why, Brooklynn!" guilt shouts. "Because of them! If I loved them as much as I say, I'd leave! I'm delusional! I don't love them, I'm selfish!"

For once, she wished she could be selfish. But that thought caused her misery and guilt…

Her sobbing subsides and she feels hollow. Pulling away, she glumly picks up her toothbrush and resumes.

"What's going on?" Ben asks, worried.

Brooklynn shakes her head. "Reg-oo-ar shuff," she says vaguely, brushing furiously.

"I don't think I've seen you break down like that in a while," he says, spitting out his toothpaste and leaning against the counter.

Brooklynn wishes he'd leave her alone. "I'm fine," she insists, taking longer than she would to brush her teeth.

The boy picks up where he left off and she hopes that that was the end of the conversation. Unfortunately, Ben was merely getting any distractions out of the way of his interrogation. "You were struggling in school earlier. Something on your mind?"

"No…" she mumbles, heading into his bedroom and flopping down on the bed.

Ben leans on the other side of the bed. "You've been pulling away," he states knowingly. "Hiding… Do you not trust me as much anymore?"

"What makes you think I don't trust you as much?" she asks.

"Well, you used to wear your eyepatch a lot less," he explains. "You only took it off when getting ready for bed. And you're wearing your bra to bed, which you didn't used to do."

Brooklynn stares at him. "You don't think that could be a reason I don't have as much trust?"

Ben chuckles sheepishly. "That came out creepier than I meant it to. I just noticed when you, me, and Kenji were staying at my old house, you would always take it off when we were going to bed. You'd go into the closet and shut the door to do so. Kenji finally asked what you were doing and you explained you didn't feel comfortable going braless around the other guys. But you trusted us and felt comfortable… I just noticed you haven't done that."

"What made you look at my bra in the first place?" Brooklynn asks, trying to keep the subject away from her issues as long as possible.

"Your pajama shirt's see through and your bra is black," Ben shrugs. "Look, I'm just observant and worried about you. It's a change I noticed and you said you trusted me and Kenji…"

"I do trust you," she insists. "The shirt's see through like you said." In truth, she felt like she had something to hide… He wasn't wrong… It wasn't a trust issue… It was a shame issue…

"So, what's been bothering you today?" he asks, relentless.

Brooklynn groans and turns her back to him. Ben continues to push and ask the same question in a different way before she finally snaps. "Fine! I…" she hesitates, looking for a way out. "... I overheard my Mom talking… Her and Dad… they want to divorce… But Mom doesn't want to because of me and Dad wants to because of me…"

"You sure it's because of you?" he asks.

"Well, they've wanted to divorce for a while," Brooklynn explains, that queasy feeling in her stomach returning. "But now I'm a source of strife between them… Mom feels the need to stay because she thinks divorce will stress me out. My Dad wants to separate because he thinks it would be better for me to not hear them fighting… Either way, they're stuck because of me…"

"It's not your fault," Ben assures her. "They're unhappy in their marriage. Period."

"Yeah, but I'm the one keeping them in it," she mumbles. "They're unhappy but they can't leave because they're worried about me. It's my fault they can't leave and it's my fault they can't stay together. I've trapped them in a hard situation and they can't escape it without hurting me…"

"Because they care about you," he says. "And it's not just you. What about Milton? He's their son, too."

"They never mention him," she says, sputtering as Flopsy jumps up on the bed and licks her face. Wiping her mouth, she continues. "I'm the favorite child… always have been. You can ask Milton… My parents have always favored me… They wouldn't stay together if it weren't for me… Milton deserves better… My parents deserve a better daughter… He deserves a better sister… You guys deserve a better friend…"

"That's unnecessary guilt talking," Ben declares. "Parents shouldn't be picking favorites. It's not your fault they don't like Milton as much. And it's not your fault they're unhappy. You don't have to blame yourself for that. They're thinking of you because they care. Don't feel guilty about that."

Brooklynn stares bleakly at him, hearing him but not listening to him.

"And what makes you think we deserve someone better than you?" he argues. "Why are you so beneath us in your mind that you'd think we deserve better?"

She pulls her knees to her chest, her right knee bouncing up and down.

"Brook, you're a wonderful friend and we all love you," Ben insists. "We would be devastated if you left."

"I know…" she murmurs.

"Feel blessed that you're our friend, not guilty," he tells her. "We love you and it has nothing to do with whether you're 'worthy' or not. You don't have to be worthy to be our friend. We love you, Brook."

Brooklynn stares into his eyes, unable to tell him that she didn't believe it. He wouldn't understand… How could she explain it to him? How could she explain the things she had done? Why she wasn't worthy? Why someone as pure and wholesome as him and the others shouldn't mingle with her? How could she break it to him that she was planning her death…

Ben searches her face and his expression changes. He freezes up, breath held as his eyes widen slightly. Was it her imagination, or was his face losing color? "It's only a matter of time…" he murmurs, barely audible.

Brooklynn frowns; why did he say that? Why did his expression change?

Before she could ask, Flopsy starts barking. The two cover their ears in surprise. "Flopsy!" she hisses. "Shut up!"

"It's okay, I'm okay," Ben says, pulling his struggling, barking puppy into his arms. Not allowing her to ask what was going on, he continues his interrogation. "Why do you think you don't deserve happiness?"

It takes her aback. "Wh-What do you mean? Why do you think that?"

"Why do you think that?" he turns the question around, scratching Flopsy behind the ears. "Why do you think you don't deserve happiness? It's pretty obvious you don't. We're the only ones keeping you here. Keeping you alive. Keeping you happy. Right?"

She stutters. "Yeah…"

"But you feel like you don't deserve our friendship," he continues, an urgent look in his eyes. "You feel like we deserve better. In a way, you're saying you don't deserve to be happy… You're trying to pull away from those who love you and bring joy to you… Why?"

Brooklynn's throat tightens and she struggles against tears. Flopsy breaks out of Ben's arms and licks her cheek. Brooklynn's facade and resolve cracks a little. "I… I'm too guilty… Too unforgivable."

A small smile breaks out on his face; was it hope or sympathy? "You'd be surprised what's forgivable."

Brooklynn sniffs. "What do you mean?"

"I've told you, my goal is to be more Christ-like," he shrugs. "To give Christ-like love and forgiveness and to become more like him."

"Like that changes anything," she mutters sullenly.

"Why?" Ben asks. "Why wouldn't it?"

Brooklynn leans back against the pillows, leg bouncing up and down again.

"Think he wouldn't forgive you?" he asks. Taking her silence as a yes, he continues. "What have you done that's so bad that God wouldn't forgive you?"

She chuckles harshly. "A lot, actually…"

"Are you sure about that?" he questions.

"You wouldn't understand…" she mutters.

"Why? Am I perfect?" Ben asks.

"Close…"

"Am I perfect, Brooklynn?"

"... No…"

"What makes you think I haven't sinned?" Ben pushes.

"It's not as bad as mine…" she argues.

Ben quirks an eyebrow; challenge accepted. "Wanna bet?"

Brooklynn glares up at him, completely convinced he couldn't have done anything bad. "Bet."

A small smirk—half mischievous, half guilty—forms on his face. "Porn."

Brooklynn chokes on her saliva before staring at him with wide eyes. "What? No!"

"Not in the way you're thinking," he sighs.

"No, there's no way you got into that," she insists.

"You'd be surprised," Ben rolls his eyes, knowing he had to explain it now. "I never watched anything… But I read things. Things I definitely shouldn't have at twelve and thirteen. Like Yaz said, you shouldn't get into that side of fanfiction."

Brooklynn blinks at him in shock, unable to believe it.

"I discovered fanfiction… probably when I was eleven," he continues. "It was… a way out of life and it's anxieties… At first, I stayed away from any story meant for those eighteen and up… But then I discovered a story that didn't have a warning… I was young enough that I didn't understand what was happening… Then my parents had the talk with me… I avoided those types of stories for a year… Last year, though, I got… curious…"

Brooklynn snorts, knowing where this was going.

"I couldn't find any new stories," he says. "... Got curious enough to try out the smutty ones. I told myself, 'Just until they start kissing. Just see how they got there, then end it.' It worked for a little bit… Then I'd return to the story and read the kissing… Just a little bit more… Before I knew it, I had read the whole thing."

The pinkette is shocked; personally, she didn't find it too bad… But for Ben…

"It made me feel guilty…" he sighs. "I was lying to my parents and going behind their backs to read something I knew I shouldn't… I finally came clean… It felt good to come clean… It felt relieving… Every now and then I get the idea to read one of those again… Once or twice, I slip back into that habit… But I go to my parents and confess… after confessing to God…"

Brooklynn stares at Flopsy, trying to comprehend this information. It wasn't like he had made a huge, terrible mistake… but it was Ben… Pure, wholesome Ben…

"Did that change your mental image of me?" he asks, then sarcastically adds, "Pure, innocent Ben?"

"No, well…" she stutters. "I guess… It changed a bit… But… it just made you feel… more relatable."

"So, you still want to be my friend, even after hearing… probably my darkest secret?" he asks.

She laughs. "Of course! If that's your worst secret, you're doing pretty good!"

"If I had gotten addicted, would you still care about me?"

"Yeah! I'd try to help you, but it wouldn't change how I see you, relationship-wise."

"How about if I tried drugs?"

"Doesn't change."

"Tried alcohol?"

Brooklynn sighs. "Ben, that wouldn't change our friendship. Maybe it would change a little bit, but it's not like I'd hate you for it or leave you."

"Would it make me unworthy of your friendship?" he asks.

Brooklynn sees what he's doing with dread and scrambles to counteract it. She refuses to see the parallels he was drawing and goes into defense mode. The only thing she could think of on the fly was to change subjects. "What's going on between you and Yaz?"

Ben blinks in surprise.

"Why are you guys acting so strange?" she pushes, a bit harsh as she tries to change focus from her problems to his. "Yaz said her Mom would be angry if your secret came out. Why? What's going on? Must be pretty bad if both of you refuse to say anything. Are you guys hiding something bad?"

Ben sighs. "I really don't want to bring that up right now… This is about your problems, not what's going on between me and Yaz."

"Did something happen?" Brooklynn continues. "You two have been acting strange. Why is Yaz so guilty?"

He groans. "Look, it… I would be fine telling you, but Yaz…"

Brooklynn could see him choosing his words carefully. "I don't want to let anything get in between our friendship. I… What happened happened, and whether it was a mistake or just an interesting chapter in our friendship will be decided. I'm willing to put it behind us and forget about it… I'm willing to open up about it and talk about it with the rest of you… But… you know Yaz… She's… stubborn…"

"She's running away?" Brooklynn suggests.

Ben cringes. "Yeah… I guess you could say that."

"Trying to deny what happened because she's scared?" she tilts her head.

He groans, rubbing his forehead. "Yeah… Look, I'll just leave it as I'm fine and want to be friends again, but Yaz is… She's got something else going on… Something personal that she has to get through before we can be friends again…"

"What could've possibly happened? Mistake? Interesting chapter in their friendship?" Brooklynn thinks worriedly. "What's going on with Yaz? Is her crush what she needs to work through? Does Ben know she has a crush on him? In a way, has she always known that she had a crush on him? Did the crush make it worse? What is it?!"

"You can't just leave it at that," she protests.

"I'll tell you if you tell me what your big secret is," Ben lifts an eyebrow.

"Would you really?" she sneers.

"I'll tell you after you tell me," Ben says, completely serious.

"You first."

"I don't trust you not to say it."

"And how can I be sure you'd tell me the truth after I tell my secret?"

"Have I ever lied to you?"

The two stare at each other, reaching a stalemate. Brooklynn knew he would do what he said, and she really wanted to know what was going on between her two friends… He seemed very reluctant to tell her, as well as lie about it… If she told him what she had done, he'd certainly tell her what was going on… But she couldn't tell him her secret.

She shakes her head.

Ben shrugs. "Worth a shot. Anyway, you'd be hard pressed to find something that's unforgivable in God's eyes."

Brooklynn gives him a half frustrated, half tired look. He was trying so hard to convince her she wasn't guilty… Even going as far as bringing in divine opinions… Like that made a difference. She was a Hellbent monster… Why couldn't he see it? Ben was so perceptive, to the point where she was half convinced he could read her mind. Why couldn't he sense her horrendous past?

"Come on," he says, almost pleadingly. "What have you done that he won't forgive?"

"It doesn't matter, only that it's unforgivable and you shouldn't be associated with me…"

"Shouldn't you avoid me because of what I told you?"

"That's different…"

"Well, how bad is your past?"

"Really bad…"

Ben sighs. "Are you Hitler?"

"No…" she mumbles.

"Are you Stalin?" he asks.

"No," she shakes her head.

"Have you persecuted people because of their beliefs?" he tilts his head.

"No!" she sighs.

"Well, a good example of the last one would be Saul, who later changed his name to Paul and wrote many books in the Bible," he grins. "God forgave the man who persecuted and killed many, many Christians. If my Lord can forgive that, what makes you so sure he won't forgive you?"

An involuntary shiver runs up her spine as she stares at him. "You… you wouldn't understand…"

Ben's shoulder sag, but he wasn't about to give up. "Come here," he says, motioning with his hand. Brooklynn reluctantly crawls under the covers and lays her head against his shoulder, allowing him to wrap his left arm around her. "Why don't we read a story?"

The pinkette rolls her eyes slightly, feeling babied by him. But she allows him to pick up his Bible and flip through the pages; her loneliness won out and she snuggles closer. "John… Where is it…" he mumbles to himself, adjusting the glasses on his face as he squints. "... Haha! John 8. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery…"

Brooklynn listens as he reads, remembering that he had told her about this story before.

"'Woman, where are they?'" Ben continues. "'Has no one condemned you?' 'No one, sir,' she replied. 'Then neither do I condemn you,' Jesus declared. 'Go now and leave your life of sin.'"

The thought made her heart ache; if only she could be forgiven like that…

Ben moves onto Luke 23, the chapter of crucification. "Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.'"

He continues on, reading about the forgiving of Peter and of many other sinners. Brooklynn doesn't have the heart to tell him that she finds them to be fairy tales… He was already heartbroken that she wasn't listening. He knew she wouldn't change her mind about forgiveness and her guilt… He had to know. Brooklynn could feel him shaking as he read; trembling from fear. He was desperate to get through to her with whatever he could… so he turned to the one thing that had kept him going through his hard times.

Brooklynn couldn't hold it against him, he was just doing what he thought was best for her… Unfortunately, she didn't deserve it. What he just couldn't get through his head was that she wasn't worthy. She didn't deserve it. Even if everything he was saying was true, she couldn't accept it. There was no way she could be redeemed… Some people were just too dirty to cleanse.

Her eyelids feel heavy and Ben's voice begins to lull her to sleep. She felt comforted by his presence and savored this bonding moment. How many more would she have before her plan was complete…

"No! I can't enjoy his company! I'm strengthening our relationship!" guilt sharply reminds her. "See, this is exactly why I have to leave! I'm so selfish!"

"Do you know what forgiveness is?" Ben asks, interrupting her thoughts and confusing her.

"Yeah… It's…" she bites her lip, not able to give an exact definition.

"Forgiveness is a process of letting go of the need to seek revenge or pay back what someone has done," he says. "We'll all forgive you, Brook… You need to forgive yourself."

Her chest tightens and tears slip out as she shuts her eyes tightly. "I can't… I deserve punishment."

"Psalm 103:10-11," Ben states. "He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him."

"But I deserve punishment!" guilt shouts.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."

"I DESERVE punishment!"

"For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."

"Why should I be saved by anyone?!"

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Guilt refuses to let go and compels her to speak up. "So, what? I'm supposed to go to your priest and tell him all of my deep secrets?"

"I don't even go to my priest," Ben says. "Humans aren't the ones you need to confess to. I mean, if you've wronged someone, you should confess to them and apologize. Nowhere in Scripture does it mention you have to confess your sins to a priest, though. You confess your sins to God. Humans aren't your judge, God is."

"Don't your parents go confess?" Brooklynn asks, confused.

"My Mom does, but my Dad doesn't," he explains. "Dad was sexually abused during confessions by the priest when he was young… Messed him up. He left the Catholic church for a few years before coming back. Still, he refuses to do confessions and refuses to let me do them."

She gasps softly, shocked and horrified.

"Humans by default are sinners," Ben says. "We have no room to judge each other. We should hold each other accountable and should never accept sin, but we can't judge. What room do we have to judge? I can't judge whatever you've done. I've sinned. 'Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.'"

"My sin is worse…" she mumbles.

"Sin is sin," he says. "Every sin leads to Hell. The only way to get to Heaven on your own is to never sin. It's impossible."

"Then why do we deserve forgiveness?"

"We don't. That's why God extended his mercy. Mercy is compassion or forgiveness extended to one whom it is within your power to punish or harm. Mercy is knowing that someone totally deserves punishment, but omitting it, anyway. Because he loves us."

Brooklynn is silent.

"I completely deserve punishment for my sins," Ben continues. "But I've been forgiven. If God—perfect and holy—can forgive me, a sinner… Why shouldn't I forgive a fellow sinner?"

Brooklynn has no answer. Her mind was at war. "If the adulterer, the criminal, and the murderer were forgiven, why can't I be?"

"Because there's no way I deserve it…"

"But they don't deserve it, either."

"I don't deserve forgiveness and my friends deserve better! This isn't about me being unforgivable, this is about my friends! They deserve a better friend! I'm selfish! That's why I have to leave!"

Fatigued, Brooklynn moves in closer to him, feeling sick from her mental battle. "Do I really have to die?" she asks.

"Everyone could think of something they did that requires punishment, but they receive mercy. How am I different?"

"My friends don't deserve as severe a punishment as me, Ben doesn't know what he's talking about… Besides, think of your friends! They deserve someone better than me!"

"But do they? Am I that bad? Are they that perfect?"

"I'm a monster! I can't be their friend! You know what you've done, Brooklynn! You know they can't be friends with you! You'll drag them down into your filth! They deserve better!"

Too caught up in guilt, Brooklynn shuts down the voice of reason and feels her heart sink. There was no way out of it… She was too filthy and unforgivable… She falls asleep with her guilt and Ben's words battling in her head.

What feels like moments later, she wakes up. Mrs. Pincus was sitting in bed next to her. "Where's Ben?" she mumbles.

"He went for a walk," she says. "Wanted time to himself to think."

"Wish I could get that," Brooklynn thinks, closing her eyes as Mrs. Pincus gently strokes her hair. "Would use the time to complete my plan…"

Sometime later, Ben comes back to his room and relieves his mother of Brooklynn duty. The pinkette pretends to be asleep. Peeking her eyes open, she squints at him in the dark. He appeared to have been crying as he climbs into bed next to her. His occasional sniffing confirmed it. "What have I done…" she thinks with dread as she falls back asleep.

---

"Are you comfortable?" Darius asks, quirking a humored eyebrow as he looks at Kenji.

The alpha male was laying on the bed with his upper half hanging off. "I'm Spiderman," Kenji declares, sounding funny upside. "Petoo! Petoo!" he imitates the web-shooting superhero.

Darius chuckles, rolling his eyes.

"Bruh, I have so much blood in my head," Kenji says, blown away. "I'm probably really smart right now."

Darius slaps his face. "Yeah, that's how that works."

"Hey, I have a limited number of brain cells," Kenji theorizes. "With more blood, my brain cells become bigger. It's big brain time!"

"You gonna solve all the world's problems?" Darius grins.

"Yes, give me a problem to solve," he crosses his arms.

"World hunger," the boy says.

"Simple: give everyone something to eat," Kenji laughs.

Darius allows his upper half to fall forward on his bed. "Yes, wow, that's impressive. No one ever thought of that."

"See? I should be in government," Kenji declares.

"Or we just have everyone in government hang upside-down," Darius laughs.

"How about world peace? Just have everyone get along!" Kenji exclaims.

"You are ridiculous," Darius declares, wheezing just the same.

"The Kenji is all-knowing! The Kenji is all-seeing! The Kenji is all-believing!" he hollers proudly.

"Maybe the Kenji knows how to solve Brooklynn's depression," Darius says, his grin falling.

The alpha male is silent. "... The Kenji knows not… Yeah, I don't know."

Darius sighs. "I think she's getting worse…"

"I wouldn't say she's getting worse, she's just… not getting better," Kenji says, pulling himself up to sit next to Darius.

The boy wasn't listening. "The past few days, when I look at her, she looks like she's just barely hanging on. Like there's a dam about to burst at the slightest comment. I… I'm so worried for her. My worst fear is that I'll walk into her room and find her… find her… I don't even want to think about it…"
"Darius," the older camper says softly, placing his right hand on Darius's shoulder.

"I don't know how to help her," he admits fearfully. "She's in trouble but she refuses to let us in and help. She keeps pulling away and heading towards the danger. How-how do we help her if we can't figure out what's wrong? I don't know what's wrong! How can you solve a problem you don't know about?!"

"Darius," Kenji says a little louder.

"I can't let her end it… I can't…" the boy stutters, starting to hyperventilate. "She has to get better. She has to heal! We have to help her! I have to help her! She's dancing on burning coals and doesn't notice! Doesn't care! I-I-I—"

"Darius!" Kenji says.

"I have to save her!" he hisses, panicked.

Using the first tactic that comes to mind to distract him from his anxiety, Kenji drapes an arm over his friend's shoulder. "Bruh, chillax. It's okay, you'll be her shining knight in armor someday."

"Huh?" Darius looks at him in confusion, finally paying attention to his friend.

"You know, save her from the dragon," the alpha male begins to spin a tale with a grin. "Carry her off on your noble steed and sweep her off her feet. Give her a big, passionate kiss—"

"No! No, no, no, no, no, no!" Darius says a little too quickly. "I'm not into her that way."

Kenji dramatically and daintily holds his other hand to his mouth. "Dare I say, what? You don't have a crush on Brooklynn?"

"No!" Darius exclaims, a darker shade appearing on his cheeks.

Kenji barks out a seal-like laugh. "Oh, sure, sure! So you're telling me you don't look at her and think, 'Wow, she's awesome.'"

"I can think that about a friend!" the boy protests.

"You don't think she's pretty?" Kenji teases relentlessly.

"I do, but as a friend!" Darius exclaims.

"You don't want to marry her someday?" he squints at his friend.

Darius blushes harder. "K-Kenji, enough!"

"You don't check her out?" the boy goes on ruthlessly.

"W-Why would I check her out?!" the boy stutters embarrassedly.

The alpha male grins evilly; at least he wasn't panicking anymore. "Oh, come on! You're totally eyeing her butt!"

The boys reaction was priceless. "NO!" Darius exclaims, eyes wide with embarrassment.

Kenji pulls him close comically. "Just picture it! Brooklynn walks by. She's wearing tight, fitting jeans that show off every curve and contour. You glance down and time slows. Every little detail about her butt and jeans is taken in."

Darius covers his burning face with his hands and sighs loudly.

Enjoying this a little too much, Kenji goes on. "Sparkles fill the air! There's fifty different angles of her butt and your face! Subway ad! And then you hear, 'Darius? What are you staring at?'"

Darius had stopped breathing out of sheer embarrassment. He could've sworn his head would explode.

"'Uh, uh, Brooklynn! I was just admiring your… new jeans! Are they from Old Navy?'" Kenji continues, grinning like a maniac as he dramatically acts it out. "And she replies, 'No, they're from Claires, but thanks for noticing that they're new! Do you like them?' She turns around and gives you a full, grand view of her buttocks!"

Darius groans in extreme embarrassment as his brother—who had come to stand in the doorway—wheezes.

"'I-I… I like them!'" Kenji continues, pretending to be a stuttering Darius. "'You-they look great!'"

"Their eyes meet," Brandon joins in. "A soft, overused song begins to play! Their eyes flutter closed as they lean in for a kiss!"

"The song crescendos as they kiss!" Kenji exclaims. "And it's all because of her butt!"

Darius wishes he could disappear. "You two will be the death of me," he embarrassedly declares.

The two older boys are breathless with laughter. "Oh, come on, we're totally right," Brandon cackles, flopping down on the bed in front of his brother.

Darius glares at the two, wishing they would stop insinuating these things. "If only I had Yaz's horse castrator with me."

His brother and friend wheeze. "This does give off the vibes of Kenji teasing Yaz," Brandon agrees.

"Ohhhh, she was so pissed at me for singing that song," Kenji sighs, wiping his eyes.

"And you kept going!" Darius exclaims, glad the subject was off him and Brooklynn and on Yaz and Ben. "You know she could totally castrate you if she caught you."
"It's a risk I'm willing to take to poke the monster," the alpha male states. "Just her reaction whenever you suggest her in a romantic relationship is enough to make me do it. But then add in her chasing me and it's too hard to resist."

"You could get injured," Brandon says.

"Only if she catches me," he grins evilly.

"Just wait," Darius laughs. "One day, she will."

"Or she'll give you a psychotic smile and wait until a month later when you're unsuspecting," Brandon adds.

Kenji's face changes to something of boredom. "True."

"Speaking of Ben and Yaz," Darius sighs, "they've been acting even stranger lately."

The older boys nod. "Ghaleb says Yaz is acting… how did he put it…" Brandon mumbles. "... Acting like a kid who broke her Mom's vase and is hiding the shattered pieces."

"Yeah, that's a good way to put it," Kenji nods. "They were acting awkward before the hearing, but yesterday it got worse. I couldn't picture what the Fadoula's have been saying before, but now I get it. There is a pretty obvious aversion they have for each other."

"And it's weird how they weren't acting weird at all during the entire time in New Jersey," Darius comments. "I mean, it was like old times on the island. Even when she was getting her prosthetic they were fine. But at school yesterday they were super weird."

"Oh yeah, that was kinda weird," Brandon agrees.

"What?" Kenji asks.

"Walking through the halls we met up with Yaz yesterday," Darius explains. "We spotted Ben across the hallway and she flinched when he looked at us."

"Like, physically flinched," Brandon adds.

"It was like he yelled at her," Darius nods. "Or turned around and angrily glared at her."

"And Ben just looked sad," Brandon continues. "Dejected and upset. Like… a kid in timeout. Or—no! It was kinda like one of those scenes where the boyfriend has cheated on his girlfriend and she's refusing to speak to him and he's really sad and longing for her."

Darius laughs. "Yeah, except they're not even together."

"But that was how it felt," Brandon protests.

"No, I get what you mean," Darius agrees. "He did kind of have the look of a friend who did something wrong and doesn't know how to fix the problem."

Kenji chews on his lip. "That lines up with what we discussed yesterday…"

"What do you mean?" the youngest asks.

"After school, Ben spent the night at my house," the alpha male explains. "We got around to this subject and I got more out of him than I have so far. He was acting strange about the whole thing…"

"Strange how?" Brandon asks. "Strange guilty? Strange defensive? Strange as in walking on the ceiling with only his fingers and toes?"

The boys take a moment to laugh. "I wish I could say the last one," Kenji laughs. "No, strange as in… religious."

"Huh?" Darius tilts his head.

"I don't know, he got really Biblical when talking about it," Kenji squints. "I didn't comprehend most of it. Something about repentance to God for something…"

"Repent?" Darius murmurs.

"Maybe something bad did happen between them…" Brandon murmurs. "I wonder if he did something that rubbed her the wrong way and she got mad and then…"

"I don't know…" Darius sighs. "I can't think of anything Ben could do to her that he'd need to repent for… Maybe he got frustrated and yelled or something… I can't see him physically lashing out…"

"I just wish they would talk about it," Kenji groans. "They're obviously not working through whatever the problem is."

"Yeah…" Darius mumbles.

The boys are quiet for a few seconds. "Ding, ding, ding, pija," Kenji sings softly, back in his own world.

The Bowman boys snort. "And he's done talking about this," Brandon snickers.

"No, that song is just stuck in my head!" Kenji protests.

"Sure, we get it. You're bored talking about your friends problems," Darius teases.

Kenji slaps him with a pillow and initiates a pillow fight. Mrs. Bowman finally breaks it up and sends the boys to bed. The three fall asleep with the brewing problems still fresh on their minds.

---

"Hey, Sammy," Yasmina says, approaching her friend with her crutches.

"Howdy," Sammy says, frowning as she notices her friend's face. Yasmina's expression is sheepish and guilty. Her teeth are clenched and face contorted. "What's wrong?"

"So, you know that we're going to drive to the beach tomorrow for my sixteenth birthday, right?" the athlete says.

"Yeah," the cowgirl nods.

"The beach," Yasmina says again. "Like… water… You're okay with that? Cause I didn't even consider that you might be triggered by it and I'm sorry. I should've thought about it cause this is a major trigger for you, but we've been very busy lately and I've always talked about taking a trip to the beach for my sixteenth birthday and my parents knew that, so they went ahead and planned it and I didn't think to bring it up to you and ask—"

"It's okay," Sammy interrupts. "I know, it's fine. Sometimes I forget that chewing triggers you. We all forget sometimes. I'll just hang out in the sand and won't get in the water. There's other things to do at the beach, right?"

"Yeah, it just… You're sure it won't be a trauma trigger?" Yasmina asks hesitantly, wringing her hands. "I want all my friends to be with me and have a great time, but if it's going to make you feel upset I can ask my parents to change their mind."

"No, it's already planned, it's fine," Sammy lies, knowing fully well there was a chance she would get triggered. But she was determined not to let her friend's special day be spoiled because of it. She also didn't want to make them change plans at the last minute.

"Are you sure?" Yasmina says firmly, narrowing her eyes at her friend. She wasn't stupid.

"Yes," Sammy says, equally as firmly. "I can make sandcastles and sand drawings. I can collect shells. I can sunbathe. I could probably use a tan on my tummy." She drums on her stomach comically.

The athlete looks torn. She isn't fully convinced Sammy will be fine. "You sure the sight of water won't make you feel sick?"

Sammy turns to her right, picks up her glass of water and stares intently at it to prove her point.

Yasmina snorts. "Well, we still have time to cancel the trip and just have a big get-together in the backyard."

"Naw, we can go to the beach," Sammy shrugs. "My parents brought this up a while ago when y'all were plannin' it. I said it would be fine. I've never been to the beach. Where are ya plannin' on going?"

"Nueces Bay beach," Yasmina says. "Your Mom's sister or cousin or something has a beach house there. They agreed to let us stay there for one night."

"Oh, that's right, Aunt Harriet has a beach house," Sammy grins. "We always talked about visiting them there in the summer but it never happened. I've actually never been to the beach before."

"And you're sure you'll be fine?" Yasmina asks again.

"Geez, you think I'm persistent," the cowgirl deflects. "It'll be fine. I'm looking forward to seeing their house." "What I'm not looking forward to is seeing you with your amputated leg going in the water… No, no, Sammy, don't think about it. She'll be fine…"

Hesitant, but convinced, Yasmina gives up and sits down on the bed next to Sammy. "What are we gonna do there?" Sammy asks.

She shrugs. "Not sure. Go down and hang out in the sun. Open presents. Your cousins said there were some great ice cream shops down there. Thought we'd have pizza and then go get ice cream."

"Mmm, yummy," Sammy laughs. "We'll have to take two cars. Your siblings are coming, right?"

"Yeah, definitely," Yasmina nods. "Ugh, tomorrow's April fools." She gags.

"Oh, yeah, your birthday's on April first," the cowgirl giggles. "Fun."

"Not really," the athlete scoffs. "I always get pranked. It gets significantly worse every year. Last year I woke up to my entire room covered in duct tape—bed and all! Everything! My bed, my pillow, my desk, my wall. My phone, too! Even my shoes! Literally everything I owned was wrapped in duct tape! It was the biggest pain in the butt to unwrap! They were very thorough, I'll give them that."

Her friend cackles.

"My clothes, my school supplies," Yasmina continues. "Literally, everything. Oh, and for my fourteenth birthday, they played a mind trick. I wake up and announce it's my birthday and they all look at each other in confusion. 'Uh, no it's not. Tomorrow is.' They continue on with the most serious expressions and insist that it's March thirty-first and not April first. I'm not believing a word they say and check my phone: March thirty-first!"

Sammy is wheezing.

"They somehow changed the date on my phone! I didn't even know they could do that!" Yasmina exclaims. "Anyway, now I'm convinced it's March first, and they convince me that the day before was just a dream. So I go to school… They got the teachers and students into it!"

"What?!" Sammy snorts.

"Apparently the prospect of helping a family prank their daughter was very enticing for the school," Yasmina growls. "Students and teachers alike were in on it. I went the entire day thinking it was March first until I come back home and they jump out like, 'Surprise!' I was so confused that day. Of course, at school everyone is happy and celebrating that they tricked me."

"That's kinda mean," Sammy laughs.

"You think?" she tschs. "The next prank, the duct tape one, wasn't as bad. I think they realized it was pretty mean. Still…"

"They're just teaching you to hate your birthday," Sammy sighs, wiping her eyes.

"Oh, I'll get them back… someday," Yasmina says darkly. "Wonder what they'll do this year. Hide my leg, maybe? Or change out my swimsuits for my brothers, perhaps."

"Hide your leg is such a funny sentence," the cowgirl wheezes. "What bathing suits do you have?"

"Athletic ones for swimming and diving," Yasmina shrugs. "No bikinis, hate those things. The tops never fit properly… Oh, do you have swimsuits? You've never been to the beach and you don't know how to swim."

"Yeah, I have a couple, but only for water fights with my siblings in the backyard," Sammy says. "Or mud fights."

"Wonder what Brooklynn will wear…" Yasmina mumbles. "Probably a bikini. Hope it's not too… showy."

"Like her school clothes?" Sammy quirks an eyebrow.

"Yeah, not that there's anything inherently wrong with what she was wearing," Yasmina explains. "It was just a little… revealing? For school. At home, it would be fine, but at school boys were staring."

"Yeah, I noticed that," Sammy nods. "Short shorts, crop top. Eye-catching there."

"I wish she could wear that whenever she wants, but right now it's a safety hazard," Yasmina continues. "For one, we don't want some piece of work getting ideas and making a move on her. Second, she doesn't need to deal with catcalling. And third, Darius is going berserk because guys are giving her unwanted attention."

"Yeah, I wish she'd dress a little more modest," Sammy sighs.

"I brought it up to her, but she argued with me," the athlete grumbles. "She has a point; she shouldn't have to be worried about being attacked or harassed for what she wears. Guys should control themselves, especially since she's not dressing like a slut, she's just showing a bit of midriff and thigh. But the sad fact is, she's living in a world where girls like her are preyed on. Unfortunately, as wrong as it is, she can't control what those perverts do. The best you can do is cover up more."

Sammy nods.

"Not saying that that will completely prevent catcalling and harassment," Yasmina explains. "I can tell you, even in the Muslim community, women who are covered from head to toe still get attacked. But covering up more can cut down on it. I think the number of uncomfortable comments she's gotten have gone up in the past couple of days."

"Right," Sammy nods, agreeing. "And she's weaker due to being severely underweight and mentally weak from everything she's dealing with. She's in no shape to defend herself should a guy make a move. But she's not listening… Not listening to any reason."

"Is that any different from how she's been lately?" Yasmina sighs. "Trying to reason with her and encourage her is like talking with a wall…"

"I hope she'll have fun tomorrow at the party," Sammy murmurs.

"Yeah, I didn't mean to harp on her," the athlete smiles sadly. "I'm just worried about her. Hopefully she can have fun at the beach." Yasmina's face contorts into something painful but unreadable. "You ready for tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'm packed," Sammy says, knowing full well what her friend was asking, but reroutes the question. "Got my clothes, my swimsuits, pajamas, hat, sunglasses… Toothbrush and toothpaste. Sunscreen. Hair ties…"

"You really are the Mom friend," Yasmina lifts an eyebrow humorously.

"Oh, and feminine supplies since you're due any time now," Sammy grins.

Yasmina is taken aback. "Wait… H-how did you know that?"

"I keep track of my sisters cycles, as well as my friends," the cowgirl admits. "Just in case they need anything. Mom friend, ya know?"

"Oh… Do you check our calendars or something?" Yasmina frowns at her.

"Nah, most of the time y'all are complainin'," Sammy chuckles. "Then it's usually a matter of keeping track of yer cycle. Not that hard unless the cycle is irregular… Like yours. You haven't had yers since February, right?"

"Y-yeah… It does that from time to time," she mutters. "Skip months… Hopefully it doesn't surprise me on my birthday… I'll definitely get checked out then."

"Oh, speaking of checking out," Sammy grins, remembering what she had been wanting to tell her friend all day. "I've noticed Kenji can't keep his mind out of the gutter."

"That's unusual because?" the athlete lifts an eyebrow.

"I mean, he's looking at me," the cowgirl wiggles her eyebrows.

Yasmina gives a look of disdain. "Of course he is. He's a teen boy with a crush on you. Is he making you uncomfortable?"

"No, no, he's not, retract your claws," Sammy laughs. "I've watched him. He looks away and focuses on something else. But it's still on his mind. He keeps sneaking guilty looks."

"Looks at what?" Yasmina frowns and smirks at the same time. She wasn't the type to enjoy 'girl talk' but she was curious.

Sammy smothers her giggles. "Boobies," she says, like a little kid saying a bad word.

"Bet he'd stare at your butt if you could stand," Yasmina smirks mischievously. "Imagine what's going through his mind."

Yasmina intended to make her friend squirm at the thought for fun, but to her surprise, innocent, pure Sammy went with it. "Yeah, I bet he would! I kinda like it."

Yasmina sits up straight. "You what?!"

Sammy looks bashful and sheepish. "I like it. I… He's looking at me the way he looked at his other girlfriends."

"And you like that?" the athlete says in disbelief.

"It makes me feel…" the cowgirl bites her lip. "Makes me feel… special. Like he's interested. I know he's interested in me, but it feels good to know that there's physical attraction. Boosts confidence, you know? Since I don't always feel like I'm pretty."

Yasmina is completely shocked. "So, you like it only because it makes you feel pretty, right?"

"Well, no…" she admits. "I am… curious… what he's seeing and feeling… and what I would feel…"

"Stop it right there, Samantha," Yasmina scolds sharply. "Don't let that thought go further. Keep it in your head that you and Kenji are just friends." She taps roughly on her friend's forehead. "You're not allowed to date until eighteen and you both agreed to stay friends until marriage. FUWAM, remember? Friends until we are mature? No messing around like that until you're married."

"I'm not saying I actually want to get involved with him yet," Sammy protests. "I'm just curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat," the athlete quips. "If you let that curiosity fester and take over your mind, before you know it, you and Kenji could go all the way. You could find yourself having done something you said you never would. And then you have problems. Now you have shame and guilt. You have fear. Fear of what your friends and family will think. Fear that you will lose him. Fear that maybe you'll both be in huge trouble. You wish you could go back and do it over, stop yourself from doing it. You're trying to remember how you got there."

Leaning closer, she hisses in her friends face. "Get that curiosity out of your head now before it gets you in trouble."

Sammy's eyes widen. "You've… really thought the consequences through…"

"I… I've talked to Holly," Yasmina explains. "Besides, I know you. You can be… a people pleaser. For someone who wears her heart on her sleeve, you can put up a pretty convincing face, Sam. You would rather take something uncomfortable if it makes someone happy than speak up for yourself. Not that I think Kenji would take advantage of you. I just think that maybe you feel a bit of pressure to venture into that world."

"W-what?" Sammy stutters. "No, I don't feel pressure to sleep with him!"

Yasmina lifts her eyebrow. "Really? You don't feel like you have to sleep with him because that's what he's done with his other girlfriends… not even a little bit?"

"No!" the cowgirl exclaims. "He… He's stuck with me through all of this. I don't think he's shallow enough to leave just because of this. Besides, his experience with Lydia makes him dislike being so careless."

"And if you came onto him? If you willingly offered yourself?" the athlete questions. "If you came to him truly wanting to give away your first time? Would he turn you away?"

"... Yes…" Sammy says uncertainly.

Yasmina gives her an incredulous look. "Are you sure? What's stopping him from saying yes? Especially if you're offering and he's already checking you out? Do you really put it past him to resist the temptation?"

"I wouldn't be tempting him," Sammy argues. "I wouldn't say yes."

"Good, so forget about all of this," Yasmina huffs. "Forget your curiosity."

The girls are quiet for a few seconds. "Why do you think I feel pressure?" Sammy questions.

"You said you like his attention because it means he has a physical attraction to you," the athlete sighs. "You're scared he'll leave you because you're not pretty enough. You're scared he'll leave you because you're not good enough… So, you're wondering if maybe going all the way will keep him here. You don't question that he loves you, but you wonder if—if he doesn't have any sexual attraction to you—that he'll leave and just stay friends. Am I wrong?"

Sammy looks at her hands. It wasn't true… At least… not completely.

"Sleeping with him because you're scared of losing him—or for any other reason other than love—will break your friendship more than waiting," Yasmina states. "That's… That's what your older sister said…"

"I know… I'm not going to make that mistake," Sammy promises. "Premarital sex is sin…"

Yasmina bristles. "Right… You want to be careful with this." Her words drip with venom and malice. "That's the most unforgivable sin a woman can make. You know, a man can be a stud and whatnot, but women… We have to stick to one and one only. Be-Kenji can get away with it, but you… You'll be in big trouble."

"Men do, too," Sammy argues. "Purity doesn't exclude men… The ungodly society does."

"Then what about all the girls who get kicked out of Catholic schools for being pregnant?" Yasmina asks. "Do the guys get kicked out, too?"

"Human corruption," the cowgirl says. "What God says and what humans do are two different things."

The athlete rolls her eyes.

"Did we kick Holly out when she got pregnant?" Sammy prompts. "Do we condemn Mamá and Papá for sleeping together in their teens?"

The athlete is surprised.

"Yeah, my parents weren't pure when married," Sammy tschs. "You don't hear us condemning them all the time, do you? There's a difference between what God says and what humans use to control other humans."

Yasmina shrugs in defeat. "Well, you still don't want to incur the wrath of 'human corruption.' You want to stay worthy of Heaven, you know."

"No one is worthy," Sammy states. "That's why we need God's mercy."

"What makes you so sure we can get mercy?" Yasmina asks callously. "Or that we deserve it?"

"By we, do you mean you?" Sammy asks.

Yasmina's face looks like Sammy had punched her in the gut, but it turns back to her emotionless state quickly. "Like I said… Unforgivable sin. No one would accept me… Guys in my situation will be accepted and forgiven… but not me."

"It wasn't your fault what happened," Sammy says softly. "You can't be blamed for what your father did."

Yasmina opens her mouth, but quickly closes it and bites her lip. "Sure… That'll keep me out."

"You don't have to carry around that guilt," Sammy murmurs. "It's not your fault. It's not like you chose to have your father…"

"That's not… Can we just not talk about this anymore?" Yasmina mutters, crawling over to the covers and slipping under them.

Sammy studies her friend, worried. "Are you okay?"

"Don't worry about me…" the athlete mumbles. "It's just me being myself… Stubborn and reckless… Not thinking things through before doing them… Then trying to run… Never mind."

Sammy crawls under the covers and turns off the lights, very worried now. "I hope your birthday will be filled with joy, Yasmina…"