Author's note:

New chapter! Also, when the new season comes out, NO SPOILERS! PLEASE! I still haven't seen season 4, believe it or not. No Netflix. NO SPOILERS! I MEAN IT! I'LL BLOCK YOU IF YOU DO! XD Just kidding, I can't do that with all of you, but seriously, please no.

WARNINGS: Suicidal thoughts/desires. Also some intense, passionate kissing... If you don't feel comfortable reading the majority of the kissing, I've boldfaced 2 words. The first word: "The" marks where you might wanna skip, while the word "Maybe" is where you can start back up without missing too much.

Posting date... August 30th? Eventually posting dates won't be this far apart... That's why they're taking so long right now.

Enjoysies!

"Yeehaw!" Shelby exclaims, laughing as she lets go of Sammy momentarily to throw her fist in the air.

"Heeyaw!" Kenji says, pretending to be a ninja. The six year old cackles at his comparison.

"C'mon, Angus!" Sammy laughs, urging her horse forward. The horse snorts, moving from a trot to a canter.

"Go, Rio!" Sandra cheers.

"You got this!" Ghaleb encourages her.

Rio flashes her audience a shy smile as Holly teaches her easy tricks on their buckskin Morgan. They thought it was high time she learned some of their trick riding skills. She didn't have to, but Rio had expressed interest, so her older sisters finally pushed her to learn.

"Just don't fall!" Jabari calls. "You're not Kenji! You won't bounce back like a cartoon!"

Rio snorts at the comparison, good naturedly waving him off so she could focus on her lesson.

"Stop distracting her," Yasmina tschs playfully as her younger brother supports her. "If she hits a brick wall, she won't flatten and pop back into her proper form!"

"But I will!" Kenji grins, loving his cartoon reputation.

The group falls into a lull as Rio learns tricks, Sammy rides with Shelby, and Jabari walks with Yasmina. The amputee's walking time had extended to thirty minutes on her new leg. She was walking in the grass in the pasture to test out new terrain. It was pretty even, but softer than the hardwood floors in the house. Yasmina's mother stood by to make sure everything was okay. As she walked with her brother, the group could hear her occasionally groan. Each groan got proceedingly louder until she finally shoved him to the side in annoyance.

"What did he say?" Darius chuckles.

"Knowing Yaz? Could be anything," Kenji shrugs.

"I bet he was making fun of her crush on Ben," Habeeba rolls her eyes.

"So how long are you guys going to poke fun at her prank?" Darius asks obliviously.

"Until she comes out and tells him that part wasn't fake," Kenji snickers.

"Ohhhh," Darius realizes. "Gotcha." He winks at Kenji and the two snicker. "Can't believe Ben didn't pick up on it," he whispers to the alpha male.

"The majority of this group is oblivious to romantic feelings," Kenji shakes his head. "Sammy, you, Ben, Yaz. I think Brooklynn and I are the only non-oblivious ones."

"I'm sure I can find something for you," Darius smirks. "It's just funny that he's had a crush on her before she did and he still doesn't notice the signs."

"Maybe he does and he's waiting for her to tell him," Kenji suggests.

"... That does sound like Ben," Darius nods, looking over at their friend.

Ben was staring out at the pasture, watching the horses as the Gutierrez's rode them. As he pets his panting dog, his mind wanders to ol' Bumpers. A pang of longing pops up, and Ben onces again wishes to see his old Ankylo friend. It had been two months since they were rescued and so much had changed. Already he had settled into a routine that didn't involve Bumpy…

"I miss you, girl," he says, talking to Bumpy in his head. "I wish I could've brought you with me… You and Princess."

He could almost hear her warbling a response back. Bumpy had a way of groaning and bellowing that sounded as if she was trying to speak English. Before he caught up with the other campers, Ben used to supply English words to her calls. It helped with his loneliness, plus it felt like she was truly trying to communicate with him, and Ben thought it was courteous to at least attempt to understand. Besides, she had an attitude about her that made her feel like she understood everything he was saying…

A tear slips out at the memories.

A bark snaps him out of his thoughts, and Ben bends down to pet Flopsy more attentively. He was thankful that she would distract him, but also disappointed that he couldn't mourn his old pet… Then again, maybe Flopsy was right and he shouldn't get so down about it.

Either way, Ben resides to pet his young puppy to distract himself.

Out in the field, Sammy was having similar feelings. "I wish you could be here, Tornado," she wishes sadly. Riding her family's horse reminds her of the chaotic Triceratops. "You were a troublemaker, but you were so sweet, too…"

Sammy remembers all the fun times she had with Tornado. Trying to train her was frustrating in the moment, but now she looks back on it fondly… Even the moments when she was thrown to the dirt face first was nostalgic. Riding the Triceratops at full speed through the fields and the woods was fun, too. Like the time she raced Ben and Yasmina… Or when Tornado kept getting in the way of Kenji confessing his love for her by charging.

"Are you sad, Sammy?" Shelby asks, sitting behind her older sister.

"Just… missing my dino friend," Sammy admits.

"And that's what Angus is for," Shelby says, patting the flank of the horse underneath her.

Sammy chuckles and returns her focus to riding.

Back at the fence, Darius catches himself staring at Brooklynn for what felt like the umpteenth time. He couldn't figure out why. Why was he so mesmerized by her? She was just standing there, it wasn't like she was doing something interesting!

Darius looks her up and down. Her outfit wasn't particularly jaw dropping or scandalous… Gray sweatpants, slip-on sandals and an old T-shirt with some old band logo on it. It was baggy and Darius was pretty sure Brooklynn mentioned taking it from her father to paint years ago. Even now, it had spots of white or cream paint on it. It was definitely a shirt she used when she had no motivation or reason to be presentable. Her hair had been messily twisted and pinned back with a claw hair clip that honestly looked like a giant spider at first glance.

Darius disliked the outfit, then realized how bad that sounded, even though it was said in his own head. It wasn't like he hated it because it was ugly. He didn't even think it was ugly. In fact, under different circumstances, he would've loved to see her be so casual. He didn't like the fact that she felt the need to dress up and look presentable in front of other people, especially him and the campers. It was cute when she would dress in very casual clothes with no makeup. It looked more natural and it seemed as if she was more comfortable around them. And it let her natural beauty shine through…

But that wasn't Brooklynn at the moment. Usually she had a small layer of makeup on, at least to cover up her scars. Usually she had a fashionably casual shirt and bottom on. Her hair was either pinned back semi-neatly or let down in untangled waves. She usually somehow looked like she had just rolled out of bed and was ready to be on TV at the same time.

But not now. It would be fine if she wanted to be casual if not for the drastic change. Casualty from Brooklynn—especially this level—usually meant a comeback in depression… This type of outfit usually said that she was feeling depressed and lacked the motivation to get dressed properly. She was so tired it took a lot of effort to get out of bed.

Considering how quiet she had been and the way she leaned on the fence like she was exhausted, Darius figured that was the case. And so, he decided to ask her if she was okay.

Except his brain decided this was the best time to focus on her appearance and he got a little tongue tied.

"Did you not want to cover up your scar today?" Darius blurts out before realizing that there was definitely a better way to start up this conversation than THAT. He can see Brooklynn almost flinch at the mention of her dreaded scar, and he knew he fumbled that one. "Welp, I've definitely started out on the wrong foot," he thinks, believing it couldn't get worse.

Unfortunately, Milton decided it could.

Milton tschs. "Come on, Darius, you shouldn't be making comments like that about a girl, especially if she's anorexic and depressed."

Brooklynn's mouth opens in offense, staring at her brother.

Darius is too irritated at Milton to take notice. "Oh, you finally learned? Usually the roles are reversed here."

"Darius," Brooklynn says, barely above a whisper. She was already sensitive about comments like that, but now there was tension between her best friend and older brother and the pinkette was—quite literally—in between them.

He ignores her, hyper focused on Milton as if the older boy was an enemy. "Since when do you know how to be sensitive to other people's problems? I thought the world revolved around you."

"Oh, real mature," Milton retorts while thinking of a comeback.

"Guys," Brooklynn hisses, looking between the two.

"Naturally you're the only one who can be the good guy because you're the 'Fearless dino leader,'" Milton sneers. "Who am I to question your authority?"

"Stop…" Brooklynn hisses.

"I earned the title I have, instead of being born into it and refusing to live up to it," Darius says coldly. "Or maybe the title 'brother' has a different meaning than I know."

"Oh, please," Milton sputters passive aggressively. "If I was at the camp, I wouldn't have let us get left behind."

Darius laughs bitterly. "And how exactly would you do that?"

"Oh, maybe I wouldn't cause so much trouble that the counselors have to figure out what to do with me," Milton sneers. "For being a leader, you sure caused a lot of trouble. More than Kenji if I have the story right. I mean, heck, you went to the raptor pen, you went to see the Carno, you drove the gyrosphere away from the group. Sounds like reckless endangerment, especially since those incidents are exactly what led up to Roxie and Dave leaving you guys. I think it's fair to say that those three disasters are the reason you guys got stuck on the island, and you were a catalyst for all three."

"Milton, stop," Brooklynn pleads.

Darius gets heated at the insinuation. "Right, you wouldn't do any of that… You'd be too busy being self-absorbed to care about anything else. Oh, poor Milton. He's separated from his video games! What ever will he do? Maybe he'd actually have to interact with his sister for once!"

Brooklynn shudders and covers her ears with her hands, stressed out and anxious because of their fight. "Please, just get along!" she shouts in her head. "Don't fight over me! Please, I'm not worth it! Stop it, stop it! You're both lunatics! Just leave each other alone! You're taking this too far, Darius! Just back off, Milton!"

This strikes a nerve for Milton. The argument gets heated and steps up a notch. "You think you're so mature for your age, don't you?" Milton snarls. "You're twelve. Just because you survived and for some unknown reason, the others decided to listen to you, doesn't mean you're Darius the Great! You're a kid! You got lucky! You're a f***ing nerd! Why would anyone listen to you?! What makes you think you can be her shining knight in armor?! You're a f***ing kid, not some noble superhero!"

"Never said I was!" Darius snaps. "What I will say is this: I'm willing to pay attention to her problems and you're not! You're a self-absorbed, lazy, jerk who couldn't care less about his sister until you're called out!"

Ironically, neither of them seem to notice Brooklynn cowering between them, covering her ears and wishing they would stop fighting. Kenji hops over to the other side of the fence, and helps Brooklynn over to his side, out of the way of the arguing boys. As she jumps down from the fence, he catches her and holds her close to comfort her.

"Woah, woah, woah, hold yer horses," Miriam says, noticing the fight and stepping in.

"Let's calm down, guys," Ben says, moving in as well.

The bickering teens ignore them. "'Ha blah blah blah, Milton's a horrible brother.' You're not perfect!" Milton retorts.

"But I'm not you! You with your passive aggressive comments and your bullying and your selfishness!" Darius shouts. "You wanna be her older brother only when it suits you! Only when you sound good! You don't actually want to put the work in to be everything you'd like to be!"

"Darius!" Yasmina barks, limping slightly as she tries to get back to them quicker than she was used to.

"Darius, enough!" Kenji snaps, holding Brooklynn who was shaking slightly.

"And you're an overprotective control freak!" Milton growls, poking Darius's shoulder. "All you care about is controlling her! You're not a hero, you're a dictator!"

"Guys!" Ben says sternly, still not getting their attention.

"Not controlling!" Darius shouts, slapping Milton across the face. "Maybe being protective looks that way to a jerk like you!"

Past words, Milton slaps Darius back, starting a physical altercation. Punches, kicks, and attempts to kill the other ensue.

"What's going on?" Sammy calls, riding over to the commotion.

"Darius, stop!" Brooklynn shouts as Kenji puts her down to stop the fight.

"Guys, ENOUGH!" Yasmina shouts, wishing she was physically able to get in between them.

"Hey!" Mrs. Fadoula barks, getting up from her spot.

Ghaleb, Brandon, and Kenji get involved, getting a couple bruises as they forcefully separate the two boys. Ben has to help Brandon pull back Darius, who refuses to stop attacking Milton.

Darius snarls and aims futile kicks at his nemesis. "You son of a—"

"That's enough!" Mrs. Fadoula snaps, marching over to get involved. "Milton, go home!"

"But, he was—" Milton starts to protest.

"I heard everything, go home!" she orders angrily. "I will be telling your mother about everything."

Ghaleb just about drags Milton up the hill to the street, not wanting to see his mother's wrath, even if it wasn't aimed at him.

Once Milton was gone, Darius stopped struggling and his brother and Ben could let go of him. He looks over at Brooklynn, who was gripping her elbows. She looks down at the ground to avoid his gaze. "Brook," he starts.

"What the h*** was that, Darius?!" she snaps, livid. "You, you… What were you trying to do?!"

"I don't trust him," Darius growls. "He's a jerk and all he cares about is looking good! Seems like the only reason he's trying to be there for you is so that he can look heroic!"

"You're not any better right now!" she states, shocking him. "You're cynical and distrusting of everyone who does anything remotely 'threatening!' You're too violent! You're starting fights with people where there doesn't need to be! And frankly, I agree with him when he says you're a control freak! You're being ridiculous! You're being really controlling, especially about me! You're nitpicking what I wear because it could potentially attract unwanted attention! It's… It's…"

Brooklynn shakes her head, unsure what else to say.

"Darius, you and Brandon head back home," Mrs. Fadoula commands sternly.

Darius hangs his head, knowing he'd get an earful from his mother. He gives one last look at Brooklynn, who's climbing back over the fence. Ben, Yasmina, and Kenji give him wary and disapproving glances. Sammy just looked confused.

He sighs and sulkingly follows his brother. "And this is quite a way to start the day…" he thinks irritatedly.

"He has gone… absolutely insane!" Brooklynn sighs tearfully, flopping back on Sammy's bed and covering her face with her still shaking hands. She couldn't stop shaking. The adrenaline and anxiety from the fight kept coursing through her veins, making her tremble. "Would they just stop… arguing… over me…"

"I'm not worth all this trouble…" guilt sighs. "All this trouble over me… All this conflict… All this guilt over being a bad brother for Milton, when it's all because of me… All this stress and anxiety and guilt for Darius, just to try to protect me… He can't protect me… I've doomed myself and he can't help me… There's nothing he can do… It's pointless to try to save me…"

"They both love you," Sammy explains, rolling herself next to her bed. "They just… have different opinions on how to take care of you."

"Don't take it personally," Yasmina says, sitting next to Brooklynn on the bed. "Milton seems to be harboring hatred towards himself for not being there for you, and he's reflecting it on us. Particularly Darius. And Darius is harboring guilt and fear that he'll lose you. He's hard on himself when it comes to protecting us, that's all. I'm not saying he should go and fight Milton, but still. I think that's the reason behind this conflict."

"Probably PTSD involved, too," Kenji says, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe. "I think maybe his mind is still stuck in the fight or flight mode it was put in while fighting dinos. It's like his brain can't accept that we're safe and so he has to identify a threat to take care of. Except with the dinos, we had to run and hide. With humans, he actually has a chance of fighting and winning, so he's on offense instead of defense."

"Pretty likely," Sammy nods. "It's okay, Brook. They'll get through the conflict, I'm sure of it."

"Not as long as I'm here," Brooklynn groans in her head. "I'm a source of strife everywhere! No matter where I go, I cause trouble! Trouble for my family! Trouble for my friends! Trouble for strangers! … There's nowhere good in the world for me… No hope… I'm nothing but a problem… There's nothing left for me… All I have is my friends and family, and I'm hurting them! I'm like a leech feeding off of them! They deserve better! This world is so cruel… I'm just a product of this world… A selfish, dirty, manipulative product of this world… These guys aren't… They deserve better… They're pure souls who deserve a chance at a better life… I don't… I'm holding them back… Hurting them… Corrupting them with my dirtiness… I'm selfish…"

"Brooklynn, what's going on inside your head?" Yasmina asks, picking up on the self-hating energy, as she herself often felt that.

"I don't like the person Darius has become…" Brooklynn continues to bemoan in her head. "He's become kinda hateful and violent… Very violent… He's not the caring, gentle person I fell for… Because of me… He's become this way because he thinks he needs to protect me… If only he knew my secret…"

"Brook," Sammy says, trying to get her friend to talk. "It's okay. They'll work it through and we can put this conflict behind us."

"But what else will pop up?! What else will I cause?!" Brooklynn shouts in her head. "I say that I love you guys, then stick around!"

"If I truly loved them, I'd leave," dark thoughts prompt. "Why am I still here? I know that I'm a horrible person! There's no room here in this wholesome group for me! If I can't be with these guys, why am I here?! They're the only reason I'm still living! But if I truly cared about them, I'd leave! Why should I stay here?! If I truly was what I said, I'd have ended my life sooner! I shouldn't be here with them…"

Sammy keeps trying to get Brooklynn to talk, but the pinkette refuses. A hopeless feeling settles in Yasmina's stomach. She knew Brooklynn was hurting… But she wasn't sure how to help her.

An angry feeling rises up, and Yasmina isn't sure who to direct her anger at. Herself? Darius? Leah? The people who ran Jurassic Park? Who was she angry at? She had to be angry at someone!

"I can't help her…" hopelessness and anger bemoans. "She's pushing us away… She's pushing me away… This is my fault! I hurt her with the prank! Somehow, someway, this damaged her… I'm the direct cause for her pulling away!"

Desperation to save Brooklynn suffocates her. She had to save her friend… She had to save her! Brooklynn was slipping down and Yasmina had to save her! But how… She didn't know exactly what was going on… What had changed… Why had the prank changed her… Why was she depressed and suicidal to begin with? Was there a specific event or just many little events that snowballed into a problem? How could Yasmina help her if the problem was unknown?!

A sense of helplessness settles in, and the athlete isn't sure what to do with it. She couldn't be helpless… That wasn't her. Yasmina was the athlete! She was the strong one! She was the protector, the rock! She pushed through problems and carried her friends when they fell! She took the falls and the hits! She was the one who would take a bullet! She couldn't fail! She couldn't be helpless!

That was why losing her leg hit so hard… It made her helpless… But she was pushing through that and recovering…

But the idea of being helpless to save Brooklynn… on top of feeling helpless physically… was beginning to feel overwhelming. No, Brooklynn was her friend. Her younger sister… She couldn't fail to protect her. Yasmina could not be helpless! She had to find a way to save Brooklynn! She had to make it up to her! She had to make it up to her for the prank…

Yasmina tries to direct her feeling of helplessness into anger because it was easier to deal with. Glancing at Kenji, she sees his eyes glossed over… and focused directly on Sammy's chest. "What are you staring at?" she snaps, before reigning back her anger. He didn't deserve it and, on second thought, looked like he was zoning out.

His couple of blinks, then look of shock and embarrassment before looking at her said he had zoned out and wasn't paying attention to where his eyes were staring off to. "Uh, uh, I was just thinking," he stammers.

"Sorry," Yasmina mumbles, feeling bad about bringing attention to it and snapping.

"Gosh d*** it, Yaz!" Kenji thinks as his gaze is repeatedly drawn back to Sammy. Now that the athlete had drawn it to his attention that he was staring at her… and snapped at him like he was a pervert… his mind refused to think of anything else.

"Poor Brooklynn, she shouldn't have been in the middle of that fight…"

"That's a tight shirt…"

"I wish Darius wouldn't overreact like that. He doesn't seem to see how bad he's gotten."

"She's really sweaty… kinda hot…"

"Brooklynn's not doing too well today. She's shaking… Why is she shaking?"

"Wish that shirt would show a bit more cleavage…"

"SHUT UP, BRAIN!"

Kenji begins to get really fed up with how his mind was working. Recently, he hadn't been able to get Sammy out of his mind… and he was ashamed to say how he was thinking of her. Try as he might, little ideas would pop up that would provoke even dirtier thoughts. It wasn't as if he was thinking of them on purpose, they legitimately popped up at the worst times. Once they were on his mind, though, he couldn't get them out. Once he was actively trying not to think about them… Well, trying not to think of something never worked.

Despite how often—and increasingly frequent—these thoughts were getting, Kenji refused to dwell on them… At least, not go farther than the initial thought, if he could. He refused to entertain these dirty thoughts, for Sammy's sake, as well as his. First of all, Sammy deserved more respect and Kenji felt so guilty about these thoughts. They were just friends, and agreeing to date and get married in the future did not give him the right to think about her in a sexual way. Second, Kenji felt like he would go insane if he started going further in his thoughts. Thinking about these things were so tempting sometimes… especially when he looked at her…

A guilty part of him wanted to see how far it would go… How far would he imagine it… And how far could they go in real life… How far could he push the boundaries…

"Nope! Nope, we're not thinking about that! Respect her!" he reels himself back in. "Focus on Brooklynn!"

"There's… There's no way they can get along…" Brooklynn whimpers. "They hate each other too much…"

"Darius isn't one to be aggressive," Sammy says. "Er, not for long. Once he calms down, he'll try to smooth things over."

"This has been going on as long as they've known each other…" Brooklynn reminds her.

"Maybe we could get Miriam to talk to them," Kenji suggests. "Or Brandon and Ghaleb. We'll talk to Darius, and they'll talk to Milton."

Sammy gives him a frown, and he wasn't sure why… Did she notice him staring at her? "NO, BACK TO BROOKLYNN!" he shouts at himself.

"Why Miriam? Is she a supernatural peacemaker or something?" Sammy wonders jealously, trying not to glare too hard at the boy. "Why did you think of her first?"

That urge to grab his attention and keep it rises up again… She couldn't let him get distracted… She had gone through so many guys… She couldn't lose him… Especially not to her sister!

"This is irrational, Sammy," reason speaks.

But she was beginning to get desperate, and this feeling was becoming more familiar. Instead of feeling uncomfortable, it was more normal… and she was starting to accept it. Not embrace it just yet, but become more comfortable with it.

As well as the idea of pushing the limits of her relationship with Kenji to keep him there…

Sammy purposefully scratches her chest, moving her shirt collar to reveal more skin. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Kenji looking at her. A quick glance saw a blush creeping onto his face. Adjusting her bra in an attention drawing way made him focus on the ceiling.

Slightly guilty, but mostly smug, Sammy settles back in her wheelchair. She wanted to do more… It was kind of empowering to see him react to her actions. To know that such subtle things could entice him so badly… Just how far could she go… He said he'd never have sex before marriage again… Could she make him break that promise?

Not that she wanted to… But could she? How much power did she have… And how much influence? Was she enough to keep him there until she could date? Was their bond enough? Was Sammy enough? … Or did she have to impress him more?

Shaking her head, Sammy tries to forget about her dilemma and focus on Brooklynn. The girl was troubled… She needed more help than Sammy at the moment…

"He's a jerk… He doesn't actually care about Brooklynn… None of her family does…" Darius thinks, fuming. He was sitting on the floor at the end of his bed, leaning back against it. His mother had given him a short lecture before sending him up to his room. Originally, she had been open to listening to his side of the story, but she didn't understand… After trying hard to explain his position, she got frustrated. Apparently he wasn't justified in his actions…

A small part of him knew she was right, but his pride and fear wouldn't allow him to admit it. Milton was the enemy! He was trying to protect Brooklynn, couldn't everyone see that?

Ben had stopped by to see him. Their conversation hadn't gone well… "Maybe you might have to accept that you can't always be there for Brooklynn… Let it go. You're not her savior," he had said.

Darius felt a bit guilty about how he reacted, but not too much because he was still fuming. He refused to listen to Ben after that. How could he be saying that?! Let her go? Did Ben know Brooklynn right now?! They couldn't let her go, they had to pull her closer!

Darius's bedroom door opens and Mr. Gutierrez's large frame takes up the opening. "Dinner's ready," he informs him.

The boy's eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Huh?" he blinks, confused as to why Sammy's father was here to tell him dinner was ready.

The man's beard twitches into a smile. "Dinner's ready," he repeats, sitting down on the end of the bed next to Darius. "Spaghetti and meatballs. Smells mighty good."

Darius frowns up at him. "Are… you staying for dinner?"

He chuckles. "Your Mom thought I should stop by and talk to you."

"Of course," Darius thinks sullenly, looking down at his hands. "Everyone's got something to say right now…"

"What's going on, boy?" he asks, tilting his head. "I heard about the fight."

"Everyone has," Darius tschs, still angry.

"Wanna tell me about it?" Mr. Gutierrez asks. "What happened?"

Darius sighs frustratedly. "Well, I noticed that Brooklynn wasn't… well kept? She just didn't look happy and looked exhausted. Like getting dressed was a chore. And usually that means a dip in her mood and a rise in her depression, so I tried to say something about it. Except it kinda came out negative about her appearance. I didn't mean to, the words came out wrong. But before I could take it back, Milton decided to put his stupid two cents in."

Mr. Gutierrez pats the end of the bed next to him and Darius begrudgingly gets up. Sitting next to the man, he continues. "And who is he to talk? Brooklynn was slipping into this mess for years under his nose and he couldn't give a crap about it! All of the sudden, he's got people who are more caring for their siblings, and it's making him look bad. So now he's gotta do better! Except it's completely selfish and he's doing it for himself! He doesn't care about Brooklynn! He just doesn't like looking bad when compared to Ghaleb and Brandon!"

Darius slumps and rests his elbow on his knee, then his chin on his hand. "And he said I was overprotective… It's Brooklynn. She needs protection. She doesn't seem to be getting any better!"

"And you wanna keep her safe from what?" Mr. Gutierrez asks gently.

"Er… Herself? Predators? Bad people?" Darius stutters. "There's a lot… You didn't see her… Back on the island when she tried to end her life. I just… I guess it was easier to protect her when the threat was a dinosaur… Now she's a threat to herself… And she's pulling away. She's closing off and pulling away. Another reason why I don't trust Milton. He neglected and bullied her for so long! How can I trust him to actually pay attention to her signs? What if she hits a particularly low point and tries to end her life and he doesn't notice? He wouldn't notice! He'd be too self-absorbed to notice until it's too late! I'm not being overprotective, her life is on the line, here."

Darius sighs. "I want all of them to be safe… Is that a bad thing? Everyone seems to make it out like that."

"Being protective and caring isn't a bad thing," Mr. Gutierrez states. "I'm a protective father. That's a father's job. To protect and provide for his family. That's what I tried to do with Holly. Protect her from harm. Guide her in the right direction and show her love and affection. I knew how the boys' minds were working… Unfortunately, I didn't know how her mind worked."

"What do you mean?" Darius asks.

"Well, Holly's always been rebellious," Mr. Gutierrez says. "We tell her to do something, and she refuses to do it. We tell her not to do something and she goes and does it. I tried to protect her from harm and heartbreak by banning dating and boys… Well, as you know, our rules did the exact opposite and she got pregnant."

"The harder you cracked down on her, the more she wanted to do it…" Darius mumbles.

"Right," Mr. Gutierrez nods. "Especially considerin' her personality, all our rules did was make dating and boys more exciting. More desirable. Love was the forbidden fruit for her, and the more we tried to stop her, the more she wanted it. Being so strict with dating made her crave it."

"But you were just trying to protect her, right?" Darius asks.

"In my mind, yes," he nods. "But I went about it the wrong way. You see, there's a fine line between protecting and controlling. I could've gone about it in a better way, and loosed up. It would've been better to allow her to be friends and develop friendships with boys. I probably shouldn't have been so strict. Being her parent, I do believe I have the authority to give those rules… In hindsight, though, I was being too controlling. I was so focused on protecting her from harm, that I smothered her. I controlled her. And she was desperate to get free in any way possible."

"But I'm not trying to control Brooklynn," Darius argues.

"Mm, really?" Mr. Gutierrez asks in a way that sounded casual but provoked a deeper, uncomfortable question. "What about Ghaleb and Yasmina? Do you think Ghaleb was crossing a line when he tried to push Ben away from her?"

"Yeah, he was judging Ben and trying to keep him away because he thought Ben would hurt Yasmina…" Darius says before trailing off, realizing how eerily close he was to describing himself.

"Ahhh, so he was being too overprotective, right?" Mr. Gutierrez asks.

"... Right…" Darius mutters.

"And is there much difference between you and Ghaleb?" the man asks. "You're both trying to push someone else away from the person you're protecting. You're both thinking the other boy is a threat and that he needs to back off."

"But Ben proved himself a good friend to Yaz!" Darius protests. "Milton hasn't proven anything!"

"He's proven he's willing to change," Mr. Gutierrez says. "He's been actively trying to be there for her. He might not be going about it the right way, but he's got the spirit. Trust me, Milton's not right in his actions. I agree with you that some of this is him trying to look better. But I don't think that's entirely true. I think losing Brooklynn on the island woke him up, and he does care about her. He does want to do better and be there for her. It can take time to change old habits and mindsets. But he's trying, and you fighting with him doesn't help."

Darius looks down at his hands.

"Do you think Ghaleb had any room to tell Yasmina what to do? Or that he had any room to tell Ben to leave?"

"No…"

"Why not?"

"... He's not in control of her life, and he doesn't always know what's best for her…"

"Exactly," Mr. Gutierrez nods. "Ghaleb has no authority telling Yasmina who she should or shouldn't be friends with. I think as her older brother and a good, loving family member, he should tell her if he sees any warning signs. And in extreme situations, act on those signs accordingly. But that wasn't the case here. Ghaleb was overreacting and overstepping his boundaries. It's not his right to control her. And it's not your right to control your friends."

Darius looks up at him, not happy but finally listening to reason.

"You're a good friend, and a good friend should look out for the ones he cares about, and if need be, step in," he says. "But that's not the case here. You're not Brooklynn's parent, or the parent of any of the others. You can make suggestions out of love and look out for them, but you can't tell them what to wear, who to hang out with, who they love, or what they do. That's their parents' jobs, and even then, their parents can't control them completely."

"I know…" Darius mumbles, barely audible.

"Sometimes overprotecting can cause as many problems as under-protecting," Mr. Gutierrez continues. "Smothering your friends isn't helping them. Just like over regulating Holly's life led to her rebelling, overprotecting your friends can lead to them trying to pull away."

Darius goes to protest, but Mr. Gutierrez interrupts. "And like it or not, Milton is Brooklynn's older brother. He's not perfect, but neither are you. He's not stellar, but he's not horrible, either. Milton's tryin'. Give him more of a chance instead of antagonizing him. Pickin' a fight with him isn't helpin' him. And it ain't helpin' Brooklynn, either. Do you think she's sunshine and roses about you constantly causing tension with her brother?"
Darius recalls the way she cowered between them at the fence and shakes his head.

"It's probably causin' a lot of stress," Mr. Gutierrez says. "She's already dealin' with her parents fighting. She doesn't need her friends fighting with her siblings, especially since there's no real reason for you to hate Milton. You don't have to be amigos, but don't go out of your way to be irritated and pick a fight. That's not what she needs."

"Okay…" Darius murmurs. "I get it… I just… I still feel like I have to protect Brooklynn. I've had dreams… Dreams where…"

He takes a moment to recall his dreams and reiterate them. "The first one that comes to mind is when she was a ballerina. Beautiful, stunning, perfect. But behind the scenes she was a puppet on strings… Then she was in her practice studio, being trained. She was in pain, torn up and being yelled at by her instructor. Then after the performance, she turned into Black Widow… Leah and her ballet instructor wanted her to move up to the next level… But she had to kill someone to do it. She tried to escape and they killed her… I think Leah has or will try to make Brooklynn do something bad to join her group… or destroy her if she tries to escape."

"Sounds like that's already happened," Mr. Gutierrez says. "Brooklynn left the group and Leah slandered her online."

"Maybe…" Darius murmurs. "That's not all. I had another dream where she was a ballerina. The floor turned to coals and she refused to stop dancing. She wouldn't listen to us. Yaz tried to go out there and pull her back, but it just burned her feet. We… we couldn't pull her back. She kept dancing farther and farther away from us…"

"Sounds pretty darn distressing," Mr. Gutierrez nods.

"And I had a dream that she was all cut up by this… demonic lady," Darius sighs. "She said it was my fault… Then my Dad came and lifted her up… They both had wings. The demonic lady grabbed me and kept pulling me back… Brooklynn kept saying to let her go, but…"

"Hmmmm…" the man grunted in a way that was sort of frustrating. "If these are telling dreams, what do you think they mean?"

"I feel like it means I have to protect her," Darius says. "Pull her closer… Do better. Keep her from getting too far away. Keep her from being attacked by that girl… Or whatever she stands for metaphorically."

Mr. Gutierrez nods.

"What do you think it means?" Darius asks, curious. Plus, the man looked like he had an opinion about it.

"Maybe you need to loosen up," he says to Darius's surprise. "Let her go. Don't abandon her, but stop holding on so tightly."

Darius shakes his head. "No, I can't… That will only lead to her… I can't let go of her. I'm a protector!"

"I get ya," he smiles. "I'm the same way. If I could, I'd never let my kids go and shield 'em from all pain. But I'm not gonna be around forever. And even now, I can't be there all the time. There's no way I can possibly protect them from everything. I'm only human. Sooner or later they're gonna be out on their own, and I won't be able to stop them from making their own decisions or getting into trouble. I won't be able to stop accidents and other disasters that come regardless of personal decisions. That's just life. Life is unpredictable and you can't be prepared for everything. Even if you are prepared, you still can't stop disasters from happenin'."

The man sighs. "The only thing I can do is trust the Lord. There's not many other options there. I could worry my butt off. Be anxious and paranoid… I've tried that before. I can be angry at the circumstances and people… Tried that, too. In the end, I can only do so much to save my family. But you know what I can do?"

"Trust God…" Darius murmurs, knowing what the answer would be out of repetition.

"Yessir," he nods. "Not much else I can do but trust my Lord God. Psalm 91: 'Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.' You don't need to worry. He said his angels will lift you up so you don't hurt yer foot on a stone. Maybe that's what the Lord's tryin' to say to you through yer dreams. Maybe he wants you to entrust Brooklynn and the others into his hands. He knows you can only do so much. I think he placed you in their lives for a reason, but being their almighty savior wasn't the reason."

The frustration and pain of knowing he was right almost brings Darius to tears. "I know… I know I can't always protect them… But… it hurts… I can't… I can't…"

"Can't let the fear go?" Mr. Gutierrez suggests.

"I guess…" the boy sniffs. "I was given the role of leader and protector on the island and… I haven't exactly let that go… I don't know how to let it go… There's no dinosaurs, but I still feel like there's danger everywhere!"

"PTSD, perhaps," the man nods. "I know it must be mighty difficult dealing with what happened on the island. No one's holdin' that against ya. But workin' with the fear instead of fixin' it isn't helping. I know it's a struggle, but ya can't keep acting like you're still on the island. Milton isn't a dinosaur."

Darius nods. "I don't… I don't know how to fix this…"

"Knowin's half the battle," Mr. Gutierrez nods. "Maybe telling your friends is the next step. They know first hand the horror's you're remembering. At least let 'em know what you're struggling with. Let yer family know. You have a support group for a reason. You may not know what to do now, but we'll work with ya through it."

The boy sighs and nods. "Thanks," he murmurs, grateful for the difficult but relieving talk.

Mr. Gutierrez smiles and pats him on the back. "You best be heading on down. Yer spaghetti will be getting cold. Heck, I'll eat it if you don't."

Darius laughs and follows him downstairs.

After dinner, Darius requests that his friends move to one place so they could talk in person. The easiest place ended up being his house. "Hey, guys…" he says quietly once they were all assembled. "I… I know today didn't exactly go well after school… Sorry about snapping at you, Ben."

Ben nods with a half smile.

"Is this about the fight?" Kenji asks, arms crossed.

"Yeah…" Darius nods, drumming his fingers on his leg. Suddenly, he felt very conscious about their age gaps… And very conscious about what he did. He remembers the time on the island when Kenji declared that they'd follow Darius… They had looked to him for guidance, but with curious, unsure looks. Now, the group was looking at him with slightly disapproving looks. He felt more like a little kid who had just misbehaved and less like the leader they had looked up to on the island. And while he didn't have to fill that role anymore, it still felt… scary.

Darius sighs. "I'm sorry about the fight, Brooklynn. That… There wasn't a reason for me to pick a fight with your brother… Or hit him. I… I'm scared… Scared that you guys will die or get hurt and I won't be able to help or save you. I have been since I was on the island… It gave me anxiety there, and it still does. But here… There's no dinosaurs or danger. But I can't… I can't seem to accept that… I think I subconsciously look for threats to neutralize and watch. It's like I can't accept that we're safe… And so I have to look for a threat."

He looks over the faces of the group, who had an understanding look upon them. "I worry the most about you, Brooklynn," he admits, focusing on her. The pinkette dips her head, looking at the floor. "With everything that's happened, I… I'm worried about losing you. I'm worried about your mental state. I'm worried that any little thing will push you over and rip you away from us… I think that's why I… crack down so hard on you sometimes. Cause I'm scared that any little thing will overwhelm you and take you away. I guess… I guess it's easier to attack Milton… He gives me a target to attack with this issue."

He sighs. "I need help, guys… I don't know what to do about this… I… I don't really want to ask for help… But it's not getting better and I don't know what to do. I'm just so scared of losing you guys and not being able to do anything about it."

"If we figure out the answer, we'll both use it," Yasmina says with a dry smile.

"We understand," Ben assures him.

"I'm glad you came to us," Sammy tilts her head with a smile. "It's better to be open with us about it."

"We thought that was probably the problem," Kenji smirks.

"What do you want us to do?" Ben asks.

"We could let you know when we think you're overstepping your boundaries, but you kinda snap," Yasmina grimaces.

"Sorry…" Darius murmurs. "I don't know… I'm not sure what would help with this. What I do know is that I need help… How exactly, I don't know."

"You also probably need to make amends with Milton," Sammy reminds him.

Darius groans, but knew she was right. "I know… I'll do that tomorrow. It's getting too late today."

"Naw, don't be putin' stuff like this off," Sammy says.

"No, wait until Milton's in a better mood," Brooklynn murmurs. "Bringing it up today will only end in another fight."

"I'm sorry, Brook," Darius apologizes quietly. She was the only one to not say anything. "I shouldn't have picked a fight over you… Can you forgive me?"

The pinkette was quiet, staring at the ground with arms crossed. When she looked at him, she gave him a smile that looked slightly forced. "Of course," she says, nodding.

Darius pulls her into a hug, then is swallowed by the rest of the group in a large embrace. The rest of his friends weren't mad. They were understanding and willing to help. They all were willing to help.

But there was something about Brooklynn… He couldn't figure it out…

That familiar, newly recognized fear rises up again.

"You sure you want to do homework instead of hang out?" Ben asks as Brooklynn steps out of his mother's car.

"Yeah, I'm already struggling with my studies," Brooklynn says. "Particularly poetry. I just can't comprehend it right now… I know I'll have to redo this grade, but I should probably at least get the jump on next year by studying now."

In truth, she wanted alone time. She was feeling suffocated by her friends love… She knew what she was going to do someday, and she wanted to pull away. As much as she loved them, she felt exhausted. She wanted alone time… Even if she didn't want to end her life and pull away, she was still mentally drained from being around people all the time. Her family gave her the best chance of alone time.

Ben gives her a resigned smile. To her surprise, he leaves it be. "Okay, if you need anything, you can text me. I'm here for you."

Ben and his mother drive off, leaving Brooklynn feeling confused. On one hand, this was unusual for Ben. He knew her… Why wasn't he worried? Ben had this uncanny ability to know what she was thinking and feeling. Why wasn't he trying to pull her in? Why wasn't he trying to make her stay? Surely he knew her family wouldn't watch her as well… Why was he allowing her to be alone?

On the other hand, she felt relieved and grateful. Even if she wasn't depressed and suicidal, she still would be absolutely exhausted. The pinkette was introverted and spending too much time with people made her mentally drained. Ben had to know that she wanted alone time. The fact that he respected her wishes made her happy… As happy as she could feel in her state. It was mostly relief and gratitude. Gratitude that he was allowing her time away from him and the others, even if she was going to be watched by her brother.

Happier than she was earlier, Brooklynn walks up to her front steps and unlocks the door. Quietly walking through the hall and kitchen, she hoped to be able to sneak into her room before being noticed. She desired to have a bit of alone time without being monitored. Sure, she might be in trouble for not telling anyone that she was here when she was supposed to be with Ben, but eventually they'd figure out she was there. In the meantime, she'd enjoy some peace… as much peace as she could with her thoughts. Besides, it wasn't like she was going to end her life right now. There was still so much preparation related to her friends and family members. She couldn't do it just yet.

As she's trying to tiptoe upstairs, she hears Milton snap from her parents bedroom. Brooklynn rolls her eyes and listens in; Darius had apologized to him earlier on their way to school. The camper had seemed to have a change of heart and genuinely apologized. True to Milton, though, he huffed and mumbled a forced apology before heading into school. Milton wasn't going to change so easily, but at least Darius seemed to be better.

As she climbs the stairs quietly, she hears Milton exasperatedly say, "Okay, fine! Fine! You wanna know why I hate Darius? Because he's…! He's there… He's there for her…"

Brooklynn stops in her tracks, curious and worried at the same time.

"I…" Milton stutters, struggling to actually say how he was feeling. "I know… I know I wasn't a good brother to her. I know I didn't pay attention to her, and I didn't try to form a relationship… I didn't want to form a relationship. I just wanted to game with my friends and be popular… Brooklynn was just my annoying sister and I… I've seen how Ghaleb and Brandon were with their younger siblings… I hate that I was like that…"

His voice sounded heavy, as if he were holding back tears, but Brooklynn had a hard time imagining him crying.

"I just…" he groans. "I… I felt bad and I do care about her… and I wish I could go back… But Ghaleb and Brandon kinda make me feel like a d***. Being compared to them isn't easy to swallow… And then when they came back from the island, Brooklynn relied on the other boys… I guess… I guess I'm mad at all of us… I'm mad at the boys for being there for her… When I'm supposed to be there… I'm mad at them for replacing me…"

"They didn't replace you," their mother tells him.

"It's what it feels like," Milton mumbles. Brooklynn could barely hear him and she sneaks closer. "I know that's… that's partly from the trauma they went through, and partly my fault. I just… I think I want to make it up to her… Make it up to her for not being there and being a jerk when I was. I wanna be the only one she comes to… Be the good older brother. Except Darius and Ben and Kenji make that difficult cause they're so much better…"

The pinkette sinks against the wall on the top step, listening in.

"I feel upstaged," Milton growls. "Like they're so much better than me. And I know they're only trying to help Brooklynn and that they're doing a better job of it than me, but I don't want them there! I know… it's completely selfish! Especially considering what state she's in…"

"It's okay," Mrs. Monell says softly. "We… We'll get you some help—"

"Now you will," Milton interrupts, angry rising in his voice. "Now you'll pay attention to me cause I have issues! Excuse me, issues that are visible and getting in the way of things. Y-you don't care about me until I'm a problem! That's what you did with Brooklynn! Except she's still the golden child! You don't care about me!"

"Well, that's not true," his father argues.

"It is!" her brother exclaims. "If I was an only child, would you guys stay together?! Would you guys be divorced?! Be honest, you'd be divorced! I'd be switching between houses by now! Brooklynn is the only reason you two are trying to make your marriage work! Admit it! It's always been her! You say 'kids' but you mean Brooklynn! I'm never in the equation! You care about her! Even before she was depressed and all, you still cared more about her! About her channel! About her problems! You never cared about me!"

His next sentence broke Brooklynn; the pain, anger, and betrayal palpable in his voice. "It's always about her…"

"Mill, that's not true," Mr. Monell says. "This is a bit of an overreaction. We're staying together for the both of you—"

Brooklynn could hear her mother stopping him from continuing. "We're sorry," she says. "I know we… We didn't pay attention to either of you, but… I can see why you think we favor Brooklynn more. And I'm sorry. I love you both the same… but I'm sorry if it doesn't seem that way. I will try to do better… I will do—we will do better…"

A shaky sigh from Milton and movement makes Brooklynn assume she had hugged him. "We're trying to fix things around here… We'll fix them with you."

Shakily, Brooklynn tiptoes down the stairs and walks out the front door. She stands there, grasping the metal railing as she comprehends what she heard. "No wonder he hated me…" guilt moans. "I was the favorite child… Our parents loved me more than him… I thought I was neglected… At least I got some attention… Milton got less than nothing when compared to me… And I lorded the fact that I was the favorite child over him… No wonder he didn't want anything to do with me!

"All I cause is trouble and pain… There's no excuse… All I cause is trouble for my parents… I made them move… I keep them locked in a toxic marriage… I stole all the attention and love from my brother… Then got mad at him when he lashed out… I've made him feel guilty… My friends would do better without me… Darius wouldn't be so stressed if it weren't for me… He wouldn't be anxious and worried if I wasn't here. He wouldn't feel the need to be protective and violent without me… Yaz wouldn't have so much guilt… They'd all be better off without me…"

"Milton wants a better relationship with me," reason speaks. "My parents are trying to amend things with me. If I end my life, all I'll do is manifest Darius's worst fear. I'll manifest all of their fears. They're terrified of losing me. Killing myself will only make that worse. How badly will I hurt people if I end my life?"

"But I don't deserve their friendship," guilt states. "I'm so disgusting… So horrible… They deserve better!"

"But doesn't Kenji feel the same way?" reason argues. "Doesn't Yaz? Isn't there always something they can bring up that makes them feel unworthy of love? How about Sammy working with Mantah Corp? Or Kenji being a selfish twat? I don't hold it against them. I've forgiven them, and would think they're being ridiculous if they used it as an excuse for why they don't deserve love. Why am I different?"

"Because of my past…"

"They have pasts, too."

"I'm a god awful human being…"

"Everyone has good and bad… No one is perfect."

"I'm particularly horrible!"

"I've got good traits, too."

"My friends would be better off without me!"

"Would they?"

Brooklynn sits down on the steps and covers her ears. Reason was arguing, but guilt and self-hatred were arguing louder.

"I've caused so much trouble with my friends! Just look at how Darius is! I did that to him! He deserves better! Look at my past! Doesn't he deserve better?!"

Try as she might, a small flashback attacks. Cold, foreign sensations being recreated cruelly by her mind send a shiver up her spine. The memories… horrid memories… Memories of the events that played out spring up against her will.

"How could Darius love anyone with this in their past?" guilt snaps.

"He cares about Yasmina. She's not exactly any different," reason states.

"We're totally different! There's so much that I've done wrong! I have to end my life! How can I recover from any of this! I'm tired of life! I'm tired of this pain! I'm tired of the memories! Of the shame and guilt! On top of that, my friends deserve better! Suicide is the better option for me, my friends, my family, and everyone! I don't deserve life! I have to pull away! I'm already hurting them! It would be better for them if I just left! Stop being selfish Brooklynn!"

"Brooklynn, stop believing these lies," a voice that sounded like Darius says in her head.

The girl hides her face in her knees and almost screams. The war going on in her head was so tiring… And it was easier to side with the guilt… As much as it hurt… She was tired of life and believed those lies. Darius deserved so much better… She couldn't want him… She couldn't have him…

Making up her mind again that she would go through with her plan—whatever that would be—Brooklynn takes a moment to recompose herself and walk through the door. She startles as her family is in the living room.

"Hey, I thought you were spending the day with Ben?" her mother says worriedly.

"So much for being incognito," Brooklynn internally rolls her eyes. "Yeah, I just need to get homework done. Thought I'd head up and do it now."

"Okay," her mother nods. "Just keep the door open, alright?"

Brooklynn nods and heads up to her room. Her family had her keep the door open and would routinely come in and check on her. If they thought things were suspicious, they'd check her room for any dangerous objects or plans.

"Suicide is going to be more difficult than I thought," she sighs internally, pulling out her poetry workbook.

"Hey, what's up?" Kenji asks, approaching the Gutierrez couch.

Sammy looks up from her work. "Oh, howdy!" she smiles.

"What are you doing?" he asks, sitting next to her on the couch.

"Practicing different types of knots," she says, tugging at the tangle of rope she had in her hand. "Particularly the bowline hitch… Didn't work out so well this attempt."

"Need help?" he asks. "Not that I know how to do it…"

Sammy laughs. "I know how to do it, I just need practice. For whatever reason, I keep gettin' confused…"

"Try it again," Kenji says, leaning over and putting his face inches away from hers to be able to see what she was doing.

"The rabbit comes out of the hole…" Sammy mutters, working on the rope again. "Then around the tree and back down the hole… Wait… Which way…?"

Kenji watches her hands work, having no way to help her. He only knew a few knots, and he learned those on the island. Sammy had more experience than he did working with rope.

Sammy shifts the rope closer to her chest for a better view, moving Kenji's gaze. Instantly, he regrets his position as he had a—dare he say—cheeky view of her. He tries to refrain from thinking of how lovely she looked in her tank top that showed just enough cleavage to be tantalizing, but not enough to get reprimanded by her parents. It wasn't at all revealing—Sammy wouldn't wear anything but modest clothing, and she wouldn't get away with anything else—but the angle was everything. Oh, how his mind tried to go places it shouldn't.

No, he shouldn't be thinking about it, but darn, she was beautiful. He loved Sammy for who she was and her lovely personality… It wasn't like he was being completely carnal. Besides, it wasn't wrong to think she was pretty… or beautiful… or sexy in everything she wore… Yes, it was okay, but not if it distracted him so often!

"Yes, she's very beautiful, but gosh darn it, Kenji, stop getting distracted!" he tells himself. Why was he so distracted by her lately? It was since the hearing with Lydia… He couldn't stop eyeing her. Well, he could, it was just difficult. Lately, he couldn't get her off his mind. He loved her for all that she was… And he wanted her. He wanted her for everything, not just love. He wanted to marry her… to start a family with her… To just spend time with her… She was special to him in a way no one else could be… Not even his exes could be put in the same category.

He loved her… and wanted her… But they were just friends and it was beginning to drive him crazy! He wanted to love her the way he felt, the way they both felt! They both felt the same way! Sure, she probably wasn't as crazy for him as he was for her, but he wanted to be something! Right now, their friendship didn't feel too different from his friendship with the others… He wanted to take it further… Take it to where it should be…

"No, we have plenty of time to wait to do that," he reminds himself.

Even so, he couldn't stop staring at her. She was beautiful… Hot… Pretty… All of the above. He still couldn't comprehend how she had been passed up; was he blinded by love? Was she not what he saw? Was he hallucinating how beautiful she was?

An alluring idea comes: "She doesn't see what I see… She thinks she's nothing… What if I showed her how I feel… How I see her…?"

Mmm… It was a dangerous thought, but it stuck. Kenji hated the way Sammy would talk about herself sometimes. Sometimes she had no respect or love for herself. All she saw was ugliness… fatness… Even though it was completely wrong! He could factually argue to her that she wasn't fat at all! He could point out every single thing of beauty about her, and she still wouldn't believe him! She still would feel scared! She'd still think she wasn't good enough…

But what if he proved to her that she was everything he said she was… What if he proved that his feelings were genuine… That she truly was a turn on… She truly was beautiful… What if he made it all about her… An act of worship for her… He was already crazy about her… All he'd need to do was prove it to her… Give her his everything… Give her pleasure and delight… Just one night completely for her… No shame, no disgust at her body… Just love and appreciation for how beautiful she was… A thank you for everything she had done for him and a declaration of love…

"Reign it in!" reason shouts at him.

He semi-sharply pulls back and shifts back from her, cheeks heating up. "Um, maybe you should… look at how to do it again? The instructions?"

Sammy gives him an unreadable look and a slight, pink tint creeps onto her face. "Uh… yeah, maybe I should…"

Awkwardness hung in the air between them. Sammy was curious why he suddenly looked awkward… Was it something she did? Something he thought about? … Did he suddenly not like her? Was he uncomfortable being so close to her now?

That fear that he would leave pops up per usual. Was he feeling put off by her? Was he starting to see her as only a friend? Was that why he pulled away uncomfortably? … Was he seeing her as more than a friend and embarrassed?

Before she could follow that thought, Kenji clears his throat, desperate to change the subject for his own peace of mind. "Uh, math! Two plus two equals Thursday!"

Sammy chuckles. "And three plus three equals hamster!"

The awkwardness begins to dissipate as he grins. "One plus one equals cheese!"

"What's one plus pizza, subtracted by Monday equal?" Sammy grins.

"The man on the moon," he guesses.

"No, cheddar!" Sammy laughs.

"Ohhh, I see, because it would equal mozzarella on Tuesday, and ricotta on Wednesday!" Kenji explains, making her laugh harder. "I'm glad you speak the language of random," he chuckles.

"It's only hard if you're not used to it and aren't used to improvising on the spot," she giggles.

"Yee, you have to exercise the ability to hear something random and just go with it, even if you don't have any context or it doesn't make any sense," he grins. "Krisha's good at it. This is pretty much how our conversations go down when she's tutoring me. If we can call it tutoring at this point. I think we mostly goof off."

Sammy puts on a smile, but she was feeling jealous. His math tutor… Not the first time she was jealous of her. What did he mean their conversations go down like this? Was his relationship with her similar to his relationship with Sammy? At least in the beginning? The parapelgic knew she shouldn't be so suspicious, but she was wary of Kenji goofing off with other girls… That's how she got close to him…

Feeling petty, jealous, and irritated, she wraps her arms around his right arm, leaning her head on his shoulder and holding his arm like a touchy girlfriend. His chest tightening did not go unnoticed by her… Neither did his torso muscles. His sculpted muscles… Kenji wasn't by any stretch of the imagination 'ripped'... But he wasn't out of shape either… And he had gained weight since the island…

Sammy remembers when she had to dress the bullet wounds in his chest back on the island… He had lost weight then, but he still had muscle tone and definition… She wondered what they looked like when he was at a healthy weight… She had seen him shirtless at the beach, but she wanted another look… He was handsome…

She shifts her head to look up at him. His soft brown eyes… Wider with an unreadable emotion… His usually goofy or dopey expression disappearing… He was handsome, and she couldn't see why the other girls couldn't admit it. They didn't have to have a crush on him to admit that he looked very good… Since when did he make her feel so heated and warm inside?

"Oh crap…" was the first thing Kenji thought when Sammy leaned against him, holding his right arm close… Close to her chest… Up against her chest… Tight against her chest… "Yeahhhh, there's no way I'm escaping this conversation," he thinks, knowing he couldn't get away with explaining why he couldn't be so close to her. She would want to know why he was pulling away, and there was no way to convincingly lie.

He looks down at her and she looks up at him. She had a soft smile on her face… Her wide brown eyes blinking innocently… With an emotion behind them… A growing emotion or feeling… He wasn't sure what it was… Was there a fire in her eyes? Passion? A bit of desire? Was he imagining it?

"Should I kiss him?" she wonders, looking at his lips as a growing, heated feeling settles in her. She wasn't sure how to start a kiss… Only that she wanted to. She had his attention. She had him in her arms. She could give him her all… Make sure he never went to another girl… And she'd get to kiss him for the first time. Er, second, if they counted his confession kiss. His body was warm against her… She wanted his arms wrapped around her, holding her close to him as he kissed her…

"What if I kissed her?" desire whispers in Kenji's ear.

"No, that would only bring about disaster. I wouldn't be able to stop!" reason says.

"Just one quick kiss!" desire pleads.

"What if she doesn't like it?"

"It doesn't have to be on the lips!"

"This is a slippery slope…"

"Just one quick kiss on the cheek. A small taste to satisfy the desire for now. Just one…"

Knowing in his head it would end badly, but still giving into the desire, Kenji leans forward to give a quick kiss on the cheek.

Sammy sees this and moves, thinking he was going to kiss her on the lips. Their lips meet quickly, before Kenji pulls back, surprised.

The two blink at each other, not knowing what the next move was. After what feels like forever, Sammy leans in halfway, clearly wanting another kiss. Finding very little resolve to stop himself after she willingly leaned in, Kenji moves as well.

There was no turning back.

What started as an awkward, sort of accidental kiss soon turned into a passionate kiss. Sammy had a vague idea of what to do, but Kenji had way more experience than her, so she let him lead her on. Moving in, he was at first gentle, like on the island. The gentle kissing soon turned into feverish, feral desire. His warm lips moving passionately against hers… firm and heated and taking hers desperately.

She tentatively places her hands on his chest as he wraps his arms around her back, fluttering her eyes closed and leaning in. A warm, heated feeling rises from her stomach and up into her throat. Slowly, delicately, she traces his muscles up to his broad shoulders, snaking her arms around his neck and pulling him even closer. Her eager acceptance eggs him on.

His right arm pulls her lower back closer to his body, and his left arm slowly travels up her spine, making her shiver. Kenji gently holds the back of her head, guiding her deeper into the kiss. In turn, Sammy laces her arms tighter around his neck and grips his hair. Holding him tighter pulls her up slightly and he smoothly maneuvers her paralyzed legs around his waist. She wished she could move her legs around him tighter.

The two break slightly, foreheads pressed against each other. Sammy was panting slightly, but Kenji wasn't even out of breath. Her eyes flutter open to find him doing the same, giving her a sultry gaze. His eyes move to her lips and he tilts his head up, ever so slightly grazing her lower lip with the tip of his tongue, then looking back up at her with a suggestive look that drove her crazy. Her heartbeat faster and a blush creeped up onto her cheeks. It took Sammy an embarrassing second to fully register what he was asking, though she wasn't sure how to respond.

Not completely sure what she was doing, she leans in, lips slightly apart. He pulls his right arm up to gently brush her hair out of her face and behind her ear. Kenji kisses her again, pulling on her lower lip with his teeth as he holds her torso tightly. He nibbles softly on her, eliciting a small whimper from her. Sammy grips his hair in surprise, before running her hand through it, her other hand caressing his neck.

Taking their already steamy kiss further, Kenji presses his tongue against her lips. Her heart fluttering, she parts her lips slightly, taking it slowly for her own inexperienced comfort. Her partner's tongue darts in, leaving just as quickly. Again, she gently pulls his hair and grips his shirt in surprise, a small gasp escaping her throat. She could feel him smirk against her lips; he was enjoying her inexperience. Pressing into him, she kisses and pulls on his lower lip the same way he had, taking her revenge and him by surprise.

A husky chuckle comes from him, and Sammy wonders what she had just gotten herself into. Shifting on the couch, he moves so that she was sitting in his lap, legs around his waist with her back to the couch. On his knees with her in his lap, he presses into her, kissing her ravishingly. Kenji darts his tongue in and out a few more teasing times before fully entering. He shamelessly explored, holding her against the soft couch cushions.

Sammy held her breath. Pressed against the soft couch with his body above her, lips firmly locked with hers and his tongue dancing with her tongue, she felt excited. Warm all over with her heart pounding. His hands stray from her back down to her thighs, leaving muted sensations as they go. He grabs her hips and pulls them closer to him.

While liking it and definitely not opposed to it, the sensations she got from below her waist still weren't what they used to be. Heart about to burst out of her chest, she reaches down and guides his hands up to her rib cage, nervously and excitedly giving him permission. He hardly minded, kissing her even more fervently as he strokes her sides, slowly moving closer to her chest. She can't help a small moan as he moves closer.

Sammy wraps her left arm around his neck while her right strokes his chest, slowly moving down to his abdomen. She was out of breath, caught up in these new, magical sensations.

Breaking away from her, Kenji grips her sides and holds her close. They were both panting hard now, carried away with their desires. Pressing his hands against her sides and under her breasts, he starts kissing her jawline. Sammy runs her fingers through his hair, eyes half lidded, panting as he moves to her ear. There were so many new feelings…

"Maybe we should move this to my room…" she thinks, realizing where they were.

Shock sets in, knowing what would happen if they went to her room… And even more shock when she realized she was anticipating it. Sex… She was anticipating and even excited to lose her virginity to him. The idea of stripping naked… becoming one with each other in this physical, amorous way… was exciting… and scary…

A bit of confusion comes… and fear. Was she ready for this? She felt like she wanted it, but still, her heart beat uncomfortably at the thought. She said she'd wait till she was married… But a part of her wanted to do away with that idea. Yet another part of her was scared she wouldn't like it… Or that she wouldn't be good. How many partners had Kenji been with? What if she wasn't as good as them? She had had no experience, what if she did something wrong?!

"I've never done this, of course I'm going to be a little awkward the first time, as well as scared," she reasons.

But what if she wasn't good enough…

Kenji places small kisses down her neck all the way to her collarbone, his hands gently caressing her. What if she wasn't good enough? What if she wasn't pretty enough? As the sensations of his hands on her—on more intimate places—make her shudder, she feels self conscious. Suddenly, she felt worried about what he'd think of her naked body…

"But how else will I keep him in love with me?" worry asks.

"Sammy, stop!" reason barks.

She almost sat up at the voice in her head. Yasmina's words come back to her. "Sleeping with him because you're scared of losing him—or for any other reason other than love—will break your friendship more than waiting."

The words bring Sammy to her senses. Even if Yasmina said it to prepare for her prank, she still had a solid point… And Sammy wasn't listening to it at the moment.

"I love him, I want this!" lust cries.

"Most of my thoughts focus on how this will keep him with me," Sammy realizes. "Yes, this does feel… good… But I'm not ready for this! I've heard Holly talk, I'll regret this! I already regret the Mantah Corp thing… Even if I do love him and do like this, I'll regret it afterwards. I've got a second motive behind it… I'm not right in the head… I'll regret it… HE will regret it. He promised that he wouldn't sleep around before marriage! He's partaking right now, definitely, but he'll regret it later! We both need to stop!"

But how would this affect them… What if he got mad… What if he didn't want to stop?

"He wouldn't push me further into something I don't want," reason says. "He'd rather me say something now than regret it later… He'd feel guilty… And if he does push me, then we have bigger problems."

Gulping, she gathers the courage to say it. "We… We'll regret this…"

Kenji stops, and Sammy waits… waits for anger or sadness or relief.

"... I know…" Kenji thinks frustratedly. Sammy was right… They'd both regret it. He had gone further than he said he would. He had promised he wouldn't even think about having sex until marriage… And here he was making out with her, disappointed they weren't going to go to her bedroom…

He was more angry at himself… Angry for letting himself go this far. He knew what would happen… He just ignored the warning bells in his head and look where that got him… He could try to blame it on Sammy… Say she persuaded him… But that would be lying and completely disgusting. He was perfectly capable of stopping himself, no matter how difficult it could be. He wanted to kiss her… He wanted to be with her… and instead of sticking to his own rules, he caved as soon as she was interested…

"My rule was to keep us from being put in a difficult situation with abortion," a dark voice says. "We wouldn't be in that situation… She'd never abort her baby… It would be hard, but we have a huge support group… If consequences happen, we don't need to worry…"

The reality of that thought was his wake up call and he sighs. "You're right…" he grumbles, pulling back.

The two pull away and shift to sit next to each other, staring at the coffee table. "Are… are you mad?" Sammy stutters, eyes glued to the table… not wanting to look at him… Not wanting to see how much she had stirred up in him.

"... Mostly at myself…" he mutters. "We… Yeah… We probably shouldn't have gone that far…"

He opens his mouth as if to say something, before sighing. "Maybe… Maybe I should go back home… Just to let us cool down… I… I don't trust us… I don't trust myself not to make another move…"

He arises and quickly walks towards the door, taking one glance at her before leaving.

Sammy lets out a shaky, emotional sigh. She had gone into the kiss hoping this would strengthen their relationship… Hoping that it would keep them together… Now she was scared that she had broken what they had… That this regretful mistake would destroy their relationship… And strain her relationship with her family…

"Oh, God, what have I done?" she wonders painfully, a small tear slipping out.

The sound of her breath leaving her body is amplified. Every step feels like the vibrations of a stampede. Her vision went in and out of focus. Her chest was tight and she found it hard to relax.

"Yaz?"

Yasmina takes a second to look up at Ben, who had somehow come to stand in front of her in the hall.

"Yaz, what's going on?" he asks, grabbing her arm to steady her.

The athlete remembers that she's at school and tries to compose herself, masking the anxiety attack she was having. "Uh huh," she nods, unable to get anything else out, before realizing that wasn't the proper answer. "Uh, I'm fine," she stutters.

Ben goes to speak but Brooklynn interrupts him. "Kenji, are you okay?"

Yasmina and Ben look over at the alpha male, who was looking very glum. "Nothing…" he mumbles. "I don't want to talk about it…"

"Why do you seem so sad?" Brooklynn asks.

Kenji frowns at her. "More angry than sad, but whatever… You don't need to worry…"

Sulkingly, he heads off to class, leaving his friends even more confused and worried.

Brooklynn shrugs at the two. "I think something happened between him and Sammy," she murmurs, scurrying off to class as well.

Yasmina takes a step in the direction of her class, but Ben stops her. "No, the teachers don't care if you're late. We cause enough trouble and we're not even graduating, so they don't care about us being tardi. What's wrong? Do you need to sit down?"

Most students had gotten to their respective classes, so there weren't many people around anymore. Yasmina gives in and lets him help her sit down against the lockers. Her anxiety makes her feel numb and frozen… She finally blinks and comes back to reality, wondering how long she had sat there without saying a word. "Were… Were we wrong to pull that prank?" she stutters, her breathing progress backpedaling. "We shouldn't have done it… I-I shouldn't have even thought of the idea…"

Ben sits down next to her and puts an arm around her. Her breathing wasn't any better, but her focus wasn't entirely on her panic anymore… Well, she was still panicking, just for a different reason… She was panicking because Ben was there… Comforting her… His arm around her… Why couldn't her mind work sometimes around him?!

Annoyed with her rather dumb crush—in her mind—Yasmina tries to focus on the bigger problem at hand. "We shouldn't have pulled it. I should've thought it through! That was mean, especially to the others! What if I've hurt Brooklynn? What if she's damaged by this?!"

"Let it go," Ben says. "What's done is done. Going back in your mind and wishing you did something different isn't making you any less stressed."

"I can't!" she snaps. "What if it hurt her… She hasn't been the same since then!"

"Brooklynn changes all the time," he reminds her. "Maybe it was us, maybe it wasn't. You can't blame yourself for her problems."

"I lied to her and got her worried for nothing, of course, it hurt her!" Yasmina groans. "It's my fault. I hurt her!"

"So what?" Ben snaps, surprising her. "Even if this is what's making her very hurt, you can't go back and do it again! It happened and there's nothing we can do to change it! You've apologized multiple times and tried to make amends, what else can you do? Trying to drown yourself in guilt and worry about how bad this could be isn't helping you. Stop carrying around the guilt, it's not doing you any good!"

"You're not mad at yourself?!" she hisses.

"I am, but what's done is done!" he growls. "You're giving yourself more control over the situation than you have, Yaz. What's going on with Brooklynn is a complex problem. Maybe you did hurt her, but it's not like you did it all! There are so many layers to her, you can't take ownership of all of them! I guarantee if this does push her over the edge, you can't take blame! Even if you hadn't done it, something else would've. She's unstable and you can't be self-destructive like this!"

Yasmina's mouth is wide open.

"What happened, happened, and what Brooklynn does, she does," he says. "You give yourself too much power in this situation. We've tried our best, Yaz. What Brooklynn does is out of our control. We can try our best to help, but at this point, I think there's not much we can do. You're not in control of her, and you can't blame yourself!"

"So, you're saying give up?! Abandon her?!" Yasmina spits, anger replacing anxiety.

"When did I say that?" Ben asks, getting heated himself. "Look, I don't like the idea anymore than you do, but I think eventually, we have to accept there's only so much we can do. I love Brooklynn as much as you do… But she's stubborn… She's refusing help. I won't ever abandon her, but I'm also not going to blame myself, either. Not when it's not all my fault. Yes, I had a part to play in the prank… And I do agree that it did something to her. But at the same time, there are so many little and big things that have pushed her into this that I don't think it's right to say I did this. I may have added a small block to this pile, but I didn't make the whole pile."

Yasmina's eyebrows furrow together.

"You give yourself too much credit," he continues softly, hands trembling. "You're not all-powerful. You can't control everything. You can try to help her all you want… If she doesn't want to be helped, all you're doing is prolonging the inevitable, and you can't take on all the guilt from that."

The athlete sharply gets up and limps off to class, ignoring him. His words hurt… She couldn't accept that Brooklynn couldn't be saved… No… There had to be a way… She couldn't give up on her friend… If she couldn't help Brooklynn, what kind of a friend was she?!

"Yaz, I'm not saying give up on her," Ben says, getting up and following her. "I'm just saying, stop blaming yourself! It's not your fault what she's going through, and you can't always stop these things!"

This only makes things worse for Yasmina. "It's hard to watch your friend go down a self-destructive path and there's nothing that you can do about it!" she snaps at him.

"I know!" he almost shouts, practically pleading with her to understand. "I'm trying to help Brooklynn, too!"

"Then why are you saying all of this?!" she cries.

"Because I'm scared that she may be too far gone and that she'll end it all and pull the rest of us down with her!" he admits, gritting his teeth.

Yasmina pulls away in shock. "So… Pull away and abandon ship?" she whispers in horror.

"No, don't pull away, just don't put all of your self worth into being able to save someone who doesn't want to be saved!" he snaps. "You don't have to be a protector to be worth something! You're never going to be able to save everyone, Yasmina… You're not in control! You can't control your own life, and you can't control everyone else's! Things happen and you can't control them! You get stuck in what you could've or should've done instead of accepting that some things are out of your control! You're just as self-destructive as Brooklynn, and all this guilt is going to get you eventually… Stop blaming yourself! Stop acting like the only way you'll be worth anything is if you can protect your friends! … You can't… Not from everything… Not from this…"

Yasmina stares at him and slowly shakes her head, tears streaming down her face. "No…" she whispers. "Maybe you've given up… But I'm not… She can still be saved… And even if you think it's hopeless, I'm still trying…"

"She can still be saved!" Ben cries, pleading with her as she limps into her class room. The door silences him. "... Just not by us anymore…" he whispers, desperate tears running down his cheeks. "... And I'm starting to think you're the same way…"

A feeling of hopelessness and despair starts to overcome him and he curls up against a locker. "God, please let me be wrong about everything… Please let all this be anxiety… Please let them all be okay…"

"Sammy, qué noche más hermosa, (what a beautiful night)" Abuela says, stepping out onto the deck and looking up at the stars. "El cielo nocturno… tan bonita. (The night sky… so pretty)"

"I like las estrellas, (the stars)" Sammy mumbles, sitting in her wheelchair and resting her arms on the porch railing.

"¿Qué pasa? (What's wrong?)" Abuela asks, sitting down in the rocking chair next to her granddaughter. "You seem triste. (sad)"

"Boy problems…" she mutters.

"Kenji problems?" Abuela asks.

Her granddaughter lets out a slightly amused snort. "Who else…"

"Do you want to hablar de ello? (talk about it)" Abuela asks.

"... I guess…" Sammy mumbles. "I just… I haven't told anyone else what happened…"

Abuela tilts her head to get a better view of Sammy's glum face. "Do you want to say why you're hiding it?"

"I'm not really hiding it, I… Just don't know how to bring it up to Mamá and Papá…" she murmurs.

"Are you scared they'll get angry?"

"They'll probably be angry…"

"Is that why you haven't told them yet?"

Sammy looks at her, her expression somewhere between annoyed and bleak. "... Not really… I don't want them to be angry, but that's not… That's not what I'm worried about…"

Her grandmother continues to look at her expectantly, not asking for anymore, but very keen to hear it.

"I guess… I guess I'm worried I… won't get to see Kenji anymore…" she whispers.

"You're afraid of losing him," Abuela says, more of a statement than a question.

"And it feels like everything I do to keep him backfires and turns on itself," Sammy sighs. Finally giving in, she confides in her grandmother about kissing Kenji. "I just… I mean… I wanted it… But I realized that I also wanted to keep him… I'm scared he'll leave me… I'm scared he'll get disinterested in other girls… Or that I'm not good enough. Or that because we're not doing these things… that we're not even dating… He'll leave me for someone else who will."

"And so you felt pressure to go farther than you normally would out of desperation," Abuela nods.

Sammy nods, feeling guilty. "It wasn't Kenji's fault. He hasn't made me feel this way or pressured me… He hasn't done anything, and he only kissed me cause I moved first. Well… I think he leaned in to kiss my cheek and I moved… So I guess we both have faults in this one… It wasn't like he was stopping me…"

"I thought he wanted to wait until marriage to do anything because of Lydia," Abuela frowns.

"I think I might have tempted him too much…" her granddaughter murmurs. "I've been… trying to draw his attention in that way… Because I get jealous or scared that he'll leave and so I tried to grab his attention… I might have done too good of a job…"

"It probably didn't help, but that doesn't absolve him from the blame," she says. "Even if you were tempting him, he still has control over himself. And while I think this was a mistake, I'm not mad at him or you. He respected your boundaries until you were eager to cross them. He didn't honor what he said and he didn't honor what we believe, but… you weren't either."

"We both did something wrong here…" Sammy nods. "I just know if I try to confide in Holly, she'd try to beat 'im up. And I don't want her to do that… It's not like he couldn't say no. He could've been the one to stop me… He could've been the one to stick to his word… But then again, so could I. So we both did something wrong and I don't want Holly to go attack him… Or my parents…"

"I don't think your parents will attack him," Abuela shakes her head. "They might be mad at him, and maybe you, too, but… like you said, you both have a part in this. You both have different parts. On your side, you're held to a different standard because you're a Christian. He doesn't have the same beliefs, so it's not really fair to hold him to that completely. On his side, though, we have his own words and promises to never cross that line until marriage. You both played a part."

Sammy grimaces. "Yeah… I… That's another thing I'm conflicted over…"

"What?" her grandmother asks.

"Marriage…" she mumbles. "I… I know what the Bible says… don't marry someone who's not a Christian. It leaves the relationship unequally yoked… But… I also know that I had confirmation to love him… I asked God for a sign or a dream or something that I should pursue Kenji, and the next day Darius told me about his dream. He saw Kenji being tested by one of our distant cousins. I hadn't told anyone about that test, so I don't know how he knew about it. I… I took it as a sign, but… Was I wrong? Cause I don't have any other explanation for how Darius knew, but there's what the Bible says…"

Abuela nods. "Have you been praying and asking for guidance?"

Her granddaughter sighs sharply. "Yes… I pray and I pray, but I'm not sure if I hear his voice! Or if I am hearing him, but can't distinguish it from other voices. I feel like I've heard him, but it doesn't… doesn't sound… easy…"

"Well, if you're not sure, why don't you go to the Bible?" she shrugs. "What does the Bible say about this issue?"

"... For Christians not to marry an unbeliever…" Sammy mumbles.

"Because it can distract you from your relationship with God," Abuela nods. "Because the relationship will be unequally yoked; you're growing in your relationship with God while he's not. It can cause tension between the two of you that way. And it will be hard to let iron sharpen iron. Your Biblical advice might come off as criticism to him, while his advice will be worldly. There's many reasons why you shouldn't marry a non-believer, and it's to help both of you."

"I know," Sammy rubs the sides of her forehead, having a mental headache.

"God doesn't tell you to do something that contradicts his word, Samantha," Abuela tells her. "Everything he tells you to do lines up with what he put in the Bible."

"But…" she purses her lips, getting upset. "That would mean I have to leave Kenji… We can't get married and I can't love him… I don't want to do that…"

Her grandmother smiles, half sympathetic and half conclusive. "So you have heard God's voice… You just don't want to obey, right?"

A small tear of emotion slips out; Sammy knew she was right. This whole conflict had been building up to this conclusion, and she had sensed it. She had refused to admit it for a while, she had tried to reason and negotiate and compromise to make it work. She knew what she had been taught, she knew what was true… She knew the reasoning behind it. But she still didn't want it to be true…

"I know…" she whispers. "I know… But… I don't want to leave him. I don't want to break off my relationship with him… He's amazing… He's the first guy to ever pass our family's tests, and he's the first one to stick around. We survived the island… I love him… Why would Mamá and Papá agree to let him marry me? Why did he pass the test? They knew he wasn't Christian! Why does it feel like God is giving mixed signals? I've been so sure of the signs… I've been so sure Kenji's the one… Why is all of this happening?"

Abuela leans back in the chair, thinking. "Well, with your parents, I think they're giving in a bit. You can be very stubborn, Sammy. And you've been bent on finding a husband for years now. I think your parents are beginning to compromise a bit, too. They've already had a bad experience with cracking down and causing more problems with Holly. I think they're trying to avoid that with you. Kenji does feel like part of the family, and he is a great kid. I agree that he'd make a good husband for you, and I've told him that. But…"

"But he's not Christian…" Sammy murmurs.

"Which could change or could not, it's up to him," Abuela shrugs. "I think with him checking off pretty much everything but Christianty, your parents might have given in. Maybe when you're both closer to marrying, they'd say something. Maybe not. Maybe they're trying to keep you from running off with him and never seeing them again. Besides, you're getting closer to being an adult, and they can't control you. We've all tried to guide you, but…"

"I'm stubborn…" Sammy mumbles.

"As for God giving mixed signals, I don't think so," she says, shifting in her rocking chair. "Think about Abraham and Isaac."

Her granddaughter has flashbacks to when she talked to Ben a few days prior and internally grimaces, knowing she was in for a schooling.

"Do you remember what Isaac was to Abraham?" Abuela asks.

"His son?" Sammy answers.

"Yes, born from his mother who was too old to have children," she nods. "Isaac was a miracle and a blessing. And he was the only heir Abraham had, meaning he would give Abraham descendants as numerous as the stars."

Sammy nods, knowing the story well.

"So why would God ask Abraham to sacrifice him?" her grandmother continues. "Why would he ask Abraham to give up and kill his blessing and promises—given by God, himself—as a sacrifice?"

"A test of faith," Sammy answers out of reflex.

"Yes, but why?" Abuela says, being vague.

"Because he loved his son?" she shrugs.

Her grandmother nods, thinking for a moment. "God's blessings come in many, many different forms. But salvation and eternal life come only through him and his son, Jesus. Maybe God was asking Abraham to sacrifice Isaac because Abraham had started to worship his blessing: his son."

Sammy can't help but snort at the picture of Abraham worshiping his son. "Why would he worship his son?"

"You'd be surprised what humans will worship," Abuela tells her. "And it's not always obvious. Anything can become an idol to you, Sammy. If it's all you think about, all you care about, all you worry about, and all you learn about, you worship it. What you worship takes first place in your life. Your life revolves around what you worship. Some people worship gods and idols. Some people worship money and materials. Some people worship their jobs or their families. Some people worship the opinions of others or fiction. There are many, many idols out there, and most aren't what you think of when you think of idols."

Sammy stares at her, not really shocked, just in revelation.

"As Christians, if you worship God, he should come first in your life," Abuela sighs. "Maybe that was what was happening. Maybe Abraham was spending more time with Isaac than God. Maybe his focus had shifted from the giver to the gift. God wants to bless us. The problem arises when we worship the gift and not the one who gave it to us. Maybe that was why God put Abraham to the test and jeopardized the blessing and promises he gave. Not only a test of faith and obedience, but a test of what Abraham truly worshiped and cared about the most. Would he obey God and give up the blessing because he told him to? Or was Isaac too important?"

"Do you think that's what this is?" Sammy asks.

Abuela shrugs. "Do you worship Kenji and your friends?"

The question makes Sammy uncomfortable, and her immediate answer was 'no', but she knew it probably wasn't true… "I guess… If you say that worshiping is thinking about and putting in more time with them… then… yes…"

Her grandmother nods. "You do love Kenji, and there's nothing wrong with that. But you've become obsessed with him. The very thought of losing him makes you panicked. You can't bear living without him. You fear losing him and losing what you have with him. This fear and obsession is changing how you act. You've become jealous, suspicious, irritated, and anxious. You've broken rules you said you never would. You've done things you said you wouldn't. You've become hateful and suspicious towards anyone you perceive as a threat. You've tried to tempt him to break his own rules to keep him with you. Do you like who you've become because of this?"

Tears slide down her cheeks silently as she shakes her head.

"You can't find your happiness and everything in your husband," Abuela tells her. "Your self-worth and who you are doesn't come from him. I don't see any problem with you loving him and marrying him, other than him not believing the same way. But you can't be this dependent on him. He can't be your savior. You two can help and save each other, but ultimately, Jesus has to be your savior. Anything else will fail you."

Sammy nods, wishing she didn't have to hear this.

"Think about Yasmina," she continues. "She puts a lot of her self-worth in her ability to run and to protect. She lost her leg and it crushed her… Her idol—her own strength—didn't hold up. How about Brooklynn? Her idol was the Internet and what other people think about her. That didn't work out. Now it's her prison. Now it's her chains and her drug. What about Darius? He's becoming violent and anxious at the thought of losing Brooklynn and you guys. His idol—his friends—are controlling him and giving him no peace. You guys aren't doing this to him, but his fear of losing you guys is."

Sammy hiccups. "It's hard… I love them all… I completely understand Darius…"

"I think what it boils down to is who is your savior?" Abuela says. "Where do you put your trust and happiness? Who's the most important? God or Kenji? You can love both, but only one can reign in your life. Who makes your life complete? Who gives you happiness? Is it Kenji? Will he solve all of your problems? Will marrying him finally make you happy? Or are you going to always be jealous and suspicious because you're scared you'll never be good enough? Is there always going to be a fear of losing him? What if he dies? Where will you get your happiness? Is your life over if he dies?"

She sniffs. "I don't want to choose…"

"You can't have two rulers in your life," Abuela says. "Only one person or thing can reign over your heart at a time. I think Kenji is as much of a blessing to you as you are to him. But he's your idol now. The gift is being worshiped, instead of the giver. And do you like what has come from switching your focus?"

Sammy shakes her head. "What… What can I do about it?"

"Well," her grandmother sighs. "You can either ignore God's voice and continue on like this. Loving Kenji and finding your happiness in him. Or you can listen to God and do what he says, whatever that may be."

"What should I do?" Sammy asks, wiping away her tears.

"That's not my decision," Abuela shrugs. "Your parents and family aren't going to kick you out if you marry him. That's probably why they gave in and accepted him. We'll love you no matter what. We'll stay with you no matter what your decision is."

Sammy nods.

"But it's not my life," she continues. "It's not your parents' lives. It's not your sisters' lives. It's yours. We can guide you and try to help you, but we can't decide what to do with your life. And God might be in control, but he still gave you free will. You can disobey him if you want. You can ignore his voice and continue down this path. Or you can listen to God and do what he's told you to do. Maybe that's to sacrifice your relationship with Kenji and become closer to God. Maybe it's something completely different. I don't know what he's called you to do. You do, even if you don't want to do it. The choice is yours, and yours only."

Sammy stares out at the dark woods behind her house, taking in Abuela's words.

"God loves you and wants what's best for you," Abuela assures her. "It might not always be easy, but discipline is better than allowing your child down the wrong path. What he has planned is even greater than we can imagine. And it's usually nothing like how we thought it would go down. We think we know what will happen, but we forget that with God, there's no such thing as impossible. We try to think of the most logical way God's plan can unfold, but more often than not, that's not what happens."

Sammy blinks, having a deja vu to when she talked with Ben.

"Ultimately, this is your decision," Abuela says. "We can't make the choice for you. The choice is yours who you put your trust and happiness in."

With the creak of the rocking chair, Abuela heads inside, leaving Sammy with a whirlwind of thoughts.

And a very hard, uncomfortable choice to make.