Author's note:
Yes, this was a very, VERY long wait period. Yaz is notoriously difficult and stubborn, even as a character... Hopefully Ben will be easier to work with. No, I don't know when his chapter will come out. I haven't even started working on it. I work full time and am in college. Writing is not my top priority, and I can't drop my responsabilities to write, no matter how many times you ask for an update. Please don't ask for Ben's chapter for at least a month or two. I get this one took a while, but harrassing me for an update doesn't make it come any faster.
This chapter is inspired by the song Train Wreck, by James Arthur.
WARNINGS: Usual warnings. Suicidal themes, attempted murder, Rape, SA (though not just Brooklynn this time.) Continue at your own risk.
It's been so long since I posted, but we're finally here with a new update! Happy early Easter, everyone!
Enjoy!
"Brooklynn!" she screams, bursting through the Monell's front door, leaning on the couch for support. Where was she? Where was she? Where was she?!
As Darius calls her name, Yasmina searches the living room, scanning the place quickly. Where was she?! What would she have done?!
"She's got to be in her room!" Darius calls, racing towards the stairs.
Trusting him, Yasmina is hot on his heels, using her hands to climb after tripping. Ungracefully, she gets to her feet at the top of the landing. Darius rushes into Brooklynn's room, and Yasmina slams into the doorway, pulling herself around to peek in.
Brooklynn laid lifeless on her floor, covered in vomit. She wasn't moving. She wasn't breathing. Her hand reached out for her phone, her last chance. Maybe she didn't ignore them on purpose. Maybe they were too late…
Yasmina stumbles and collapses to the floor. "Brook!" she gasps, crawling over. "No!"
She wasn't breathing. She wasn't moving. Darius turns her over, tapping her face. She was pale and blue. They were too late. They were too late. She wasn't breathing!
A horrible, yet beautiful gurgling sound comes from Brooklynn as she responds to Darius's touch.
"She's alive!" Yasmina cries, a sense of hope—overwhelming hope that yes! They had a chance!—overtakes her. Brooklynn wasn't gone yet!
"Brook! Brook!" Darius tries to wake her up again. She wasn't responding…
Yasmina comes down from that emotional high quickly as she notices Brooklynn's chest. Yes, it was rising and falling, but very lightly. "She's not breathing well!" she whimpers, seeing her friend's blue lips. There was very little oxygen getting to her brain. She was alive, but barely… "What do we do?! … Darius?!"
He wasn't listening. She tries to get his attention, but he's not there. He's not moving. He's staring at Brooklynn. He wasn't moving. He wasn't listening!
Hyperventilating, she slips into a panic attack. What do they do… What do they do?! Brooklynn was dying!
From something!
Why was she dying?! What did she do?!
What do they do?! They couldn't save her!
Darius! Why wasn't he listening?! Why wasn't he there!
She had to do something! Anything!
"Darius!" she shouts at him, still getting no response.
She was lightheaded. It was all coming down. Brooklynn was dying. Darius wasn't listening. They couldn't save Brooklynn if they didn't know what happened! She couldn't do anything about it! She was losing it! Losing everything! She was alone and couldn't do anything!
Her lungs work overtime and she grips her hair to ground herself. She had to pull it together! She had to do something! Her body wasn't working! It was frozen like on the monorail with Ben! They were lucky he survived, but Brooklynn might not be so lucky!
"She overdosed…" Darius murmurs, still in a trance.
"Overdose… Overdose…" she pants, her brain not functioning properly. What did that mean?! What do they do for that?! "Drugs…" she slurs, forcing herself to try to think. Think rationally. She was the only one here who could do anything!
"Come on, Yaz, think! THINK! DO SOMETHING!"
"Poison…" she simplifies, drawing in a large, seizing breath. "What do we do for poison… What would Sammy do for poison…"
This wasn't a situation she could run from. A situation she could muscle her way through. Yasmina was useless here. They needed Sammy. Sammy, the medic.
But Sammy wasn't here. It was just Yasmina!
"What would Sammy do…?" Yasmina trembles, looking over Brooklynn. She looks around Brooklynn's room. There had to be something! What would Sammy do?!
Wait.
Brooklynn's room?
Brooklynn's room!
Yasmina quickly takes in her surroundings again. They were in Brooklynn's home! They weren't on the island! The ambulance! They could call for help!
That same relief from before floods her panicked nervous system. "Darius! Darius!" she shouts. "Do you think the ambulance will get here in time?!"
She starts dialing 911, hands trembling with relief. Oh thank God they weren't on the island! Professional help was needed and could be given! But Brooklynn was barely hanging on… Would it be wiser to drive Brooklynn to the hospital?
Darius wasn't answering. Yasmina finally smacks his face, getting a look of surprise. "Uh…" he stutters.
The call is answered and Yasmina throws the phone to her ear.
"N-No! They won't make it in time!" he tells her quickly.
"911, what's your emergency?" the operator answers.
"H-help! My friend, she overdosed!" Yasmina forces out, panicking. They were running out of time. Fast.
"Alright, Ma'am, take a deep breath. What's your address?" the operator asks calmly.
Yasmina almost says her own address before correcting herself and giving Brooklynn's address.
"Alright, responders are on their way. Can you tell me about her condition?"
"She's barely breathing," Yasmina hyperventilates. "I thought she was dead. Wait, she's conscious, I think? My friend is talking to her. But there's not much time!"
"Do you know what she overdosed with?" the operator asks.
"I…" Yasmina looks around quickly, but sees nothing on the desk. "What would she use?!"
"Medication is the most common one. Could there be a medicine cabinet in the bathroom or in the kitchen?"
Yasmina runs to the parents' bathroom, praying that Brooklynn hadn't hidden the evidence. Thankfully a practically empty bottle of antidepressants sat on the bathroom counter. "She took antidepressants!" Yasmina told the operator. "I-I don't know how many. It was her medication cause she's depressed and her Mom kept it locked away in the bathroom!"
She looks up at the cabinet. The lock was picked, Brooklynn's hairclip still in the lock.
"Can you tell me the label?" the operator asks.
Yasmina shakily reads the bottle label and brand. Outside in the hall, she can hear Darius screaming. She desperately hopes it's not too late.
"When will the ambulance get here?!" she cries.
"They're about ten minutes away."
"Where's the nearest hospital, we don't have time!" Yasmina insists.
The operator lists the closest hospital, but advises against it. "Ma'am, other responders can get there before the ambulance, and the paramedics can treat her on the way to the hospital, just sit tight and wait—"
Island fight or flight reflexes kick in and Yasmina wasn't listening. She pockets her phone and runs out to help Darius. Shaking him out of his confusion, she takes charge. "Grab her arms! We're driving her there, the ambulance will meet us on the road!"
The two hoist Brooklynn between them and hobble down the stairs, Yasmina being the weak link. She refuses to fall. She refuses to give up. Brooklynn was dying and Darius had faltered. Yasmina was the only one taking charge. She couldn't fall now.
Once downstairs, Yasmina sets Brooklynn down and shoves Darius away. It would be faster if she carried Brooklynn. Darius takes the hint and opens the front door, then the car door.
Brooklynn was heavy in Yasmina's arms. Heavy on her prosthetic. Awkward to carry.
"I can't… fail… now…" she grits her teeth, muscling through the pain in her amputated limb and hands Brooklynn to Darius, who had slid into the back seat.
Yasmina sprints around the car and hopes in the front seat. The car roars to life and she throws it in reverse, not checking before she pulls out. Thankfully no one was on the street so late at night.
The hospital. The closest hospital. Where was it? As she pulls out of the neighborhood, Yasmina panics. She hadn't memorized all the street names yet!
Wait, the hospital! The closest hospital was fifteen minutes away. It was near the building where they went to therapy! Yasmina had seen it! She knew where to go!
"The police! The operator!" she remembers, her phone in her back pocket. The operator was still trying to talk to her.
Yasmina pulls out the phone and holds it in her hand as she grips the steering wheel. "Ma'am? What's going on? Can you talk to me?"
"I-I, we're driving to the hospital," she explains. "Nolan Med. We're, we're stopped at a light, turning left on…" Yasmina reads the street name as the light turns green.
Actually, Yasmina's light turns to a blinking yellow.
It's not until she notices the car starting to drive that realizes she didn't have the right of way.
Both cars stop, but Yasmina's pulled far enough out that the other car can't go. She follows through turning, earning a honk from the car who almost hit her.
"Yaz, don't get us in a crash," Darius warns from the backseat.
"Brooklynn won't survive if we crash," she thinks.
Yasmina felt trapped. She wanted to speed and get there as fast as possible, but with other people driving, she had to observe the road rules otherwise they'd crash! If only she had sirens like the ambulance—
She was told to wait.
The operator said to wait for the ambulance. Or the police. Or the firetrucks.
Anyone who had professional gear to help Brooklynn and sirens to get through quickly.
And Yasmina hadn't listened.
"I'm sorry," she starts hyperventilating again. "I'm sorry! You said wait for the police, and… I-I panicked! I almost crashed, I should've listened! Is-Is sh-she going to die?! Will she die because of me?!"
"Ma'am, it's okay," the operator says calmly. "Just tell me where you are right now. The police will follow you and escort you to the hospital."
Yasmina's hands grip the steering wheel and her phone as tightly as they can. She blinks rapidly, trying to clear her vision as she looks for a street sign. "Please, please, please, God, don't let me crash. Oh God, don't let me crash," she begs in her head, realizing just how dangerous this was.
She finally finds a street name to give. Her heart was pounding. Her hand was white from gripping so hard. She couldn't breathe properly. Brooklynn was dying, maybe already dead. Maybe she made the wrong call. Maybe she should've waited. Maybe Brooklynn would die because of this. Maybe they'd crash and she'd lose Darius, too. Maybe she'd pass out from hyperventilating and crash.
The sirens coming up behind her and flashing lights are a big relief.
"Turn on your hazard lights, and let the officer get in front of you," the operator instructs. "They'll guide you to the hospital. Just follow them."
Yasmina does as she's told, finally, and the way to the hospital gets smoother and faster.
They fly into the hospital parking lot near the emergency room. The tires screech as she stops. Paramedics run out to meet her. Yasmina swings her prosthetic out of the door and opens the back door. "She's in here!" she gasps, being pushed out of the way.
Brooklynn is taken from the car and put on a stretcher. She's immediately taken inside.
Yasmina moves to follow before remembering Darius. He had stumbled out of the car, staring numbly at his hands. He still wasn't there.
"We don't have time for this!" she growls, short tempered and panicked.
Grabbing his arm, she pulls him along, running as fast as her prosthetic and a disoriented Darius would allow her to. They catch up with Brooklynn. A nurse was kneeling on top of Brooklynn as they wheeled her through the halls, giving chest compressions.
Brooklynn is wheeled into a room, and she's gone.
Yasmina stares at this white, hazy barrier in between her and her sister. Why… where did it come from?
Oh, it was a door.
The two move to look through the door, but are pushed aside. Yasmina is pushed against the opposing wall, adrenaline pumping through her body.
Obviously, they would be operating on her, trying to save her. Right? She wasn't dead… was she?
The nurse atop of her… She was giving chest compressions… Why would she do that… That… That would mean…
Brooklynn's heart had stopped.
Her heart stopped. They were trying to get a pulse back.
Her heart stopped. In the car. Her heart wasn't beating. That…
That was death.
Brooklynn had died in the car ride.
No, no… Brooklynn couldn't be dead. She couldn't be dead!
Only a couple of minutes could go by without a heartbeat before damage is done to the brain. After a couple minutes, it's fatal.
How long had her heart been dead? Was she dead? For good?
Did Brooklynn just die?
Did Brooklynn die in Darius's arms?
She turns slowly to look at Darius, still in a daze. Did he… did he know? Why didn't he say anything?! Did he know Brooklynn died in his arms?! Was that why he was so crushed?! Why didn't he tell her?!
Did he tell her and she just didn't listen? Like she didn't listen to the… to the operator…
"The paramedics can treat her on the way to the hospital, just sit tight and wait—" the operator's words come back.
Had… had Yasmina just killed Brooklynn?
Her mind becomes a dark, imploding void. Nothing existed. Nothing mattered. Nothing came to mind except for one thing: "I have to get to Brooklynn. I have to save her. I have to see her!"
"I… I have to see her!" Yasmina chokes out, stumbling forward. She had to see her. She had to see Brooklynn! She couldn't leave her! She had to help her, she had to be there!
There was only one thing on her mind. Her little sister. Only Brooklynn mattered. Only Brooklynn existed! The only thing in Yasmina's world was dying!
"Miss, get out of the way," a hurried nurse bumps through, pushing her aside.
Something else existed. This… This blue human thing is between her and Brooklynn!
"Where is she?! Where is she?!" Yasmina panics, fighting to get past this strange creature blocking her from getting to Brooklynn. "Is she dead?!"
The nurse and an exasperated doctor hold her back, making her struggle even more. "Call security!" the doctor yells.
Yasmina was held back. These blue creatures were grabbing her arms and shoulders and holding her back! They were holding her away from Brooklynn!
These were monsters! These were dinosaurs! These were demons! They wanted Brooklynn to die!
Yasmina fights even harder, kicking and pushing and even biting. She did not attempt to reason with these monsters, for that only wasted time. Brooklynn was all that mattered. She had to get through!
Security comes and grabs her arms. A wave of familiar panic slams into her chest. Black creatures were grabbing her. New monsters. Stronger monsters. Stronger demons holding her back. Pulling her away. Restraining her arms and pulling her away from Brooklynn. Taking her away from Brooklynn.
She screams, putting up her best fight. She couldn't be taken away! She couldn't abandon Brooklynn! Not after dooming her to death! She had to save her! She had to do something! Her sister! Her little sister!
"Let me go!" she shouts, biting at the hands grabbing her shoulder. "Let me see her! Darius! Help!"
She looks up to the only other thing in her world. Darius. Standing against the wall with nothing but pain behind his eyes. He wasn't there. He wasn't there.
Yasmina was all alone in her fight against these demons and her struggle to get to Brooklynn.
"Let me go!" she shouts, hollering and making as much sound as she could. Maybe these monsters would leave if she scared them off!
A hand clamps over her mouth, silencing her. She's being dragged away. Brooklynn gets farther and farther away. She was losing her!
Yasmina bites down as hard as she can on the hand, and her mouth is released. "NO!" she screams, flailing in these demons' grasps. "Brooklynn! BROOKLYNN!"
"Stop struggling!" one of the demons commands. Her legs are picked up off the ground.
Yasmina kicks her legs out of it's grasp and tries to strike. She strikes something hard and a metallic clank makes her wince. Her legs are grabbed again. This time, she can't wrestle her way out.
"No!" she wails. "No! NO! That's my sister! That's my little sister! Brooklynn! BROOKLYNN!"
Her arms are behind her back and she's being dragged out roughly. "My sister! My little sister!" she wails. "Brooklynn!"
The bright white lights go to darkness. This is it. This is Hell. She's being dragged to Hell for killing Brooklynn.
She's laying on something cold and hard. Above her is darkness, getting farther and farther away. Surely she was being dragged down to be tortured.
One of the monsters hovers above her, trying to get her attention. She closes her eyes and turns her head, breathing louder and louder and louder. "I didn't mean to!" she cries. "I tried to save her, I thought I was saving her!"
The demons says something but it's garbled and disembodied.
The pit of anxiety and guilt comes up and suddenly she's pulled onto her knees, a foul taste in her mouth and she couldn't breathe. She inhales, terrified, and she was coughing. More awful taste in her mouth and it dawned on her that she was vomiting.
She inhales shakily and sobs, giving up struggling. It was useless. She was dragged away for her actions. She was dragged away by these demons because she condemned Brooklynn to die. If she had just listened! If she had just waited, maybe Brooklynn would still be here!
Amidst her wailing, she hears a voice. At first it was gargled and disfigured, but started to become clear after a bit. "Ma'am, take a deep breath, please."
Yasmina blinks and looks up, her breath shuddering. Her arms were still restrained behind her back, but it was no longer a monster in front of her. It was a security guard. A police officer. Three of them. Two men and one woman. The woman was kneeling down next to her, telling her to breathe.
They were here to arrest her. They were here to take her away for what she had done! She had killed Brooklynn!
She starts sobbing again. "I didn't mean to," she wails, snot and saliva and residue vomit running down her chin. "I tried to save her! I didn't want to kill her…" her voice breaks and weakens. "I thought they couldn't make it, I panicked…"
"Hey, hey, it's okay, we're not taking you away," one of the policemen assures her.
Yasmina pants, looking over her shoulder at her cuffed hands. "What…?"
"You're not being arrested," the policewoman insists. "You were just being disruptive and harming yourself. This is for your own safety and for the safety of others."
"For the safety of others…"
Yasmina curls up again, reminded of her failure… She shouldn't have taken charge… She should've waited. She should've waited! Brooklynn was dead because of her!
An undetermined amount of time passes before a familiar face approaches her. "Yaz!" Brandon kneels in front of her, gently grabbing her shoulders. A ginger girl stood behind him. Yasmina didn't recognize her. One of Sammy's sisters? Her mind was really hazy…
The two policemen leave, but the policewoman stays with Brandon and the other girl. "I killed her," Yasmina cries as Brandon accepts a napkin from this other girl and wipes her face. "I killed her, I'm so sor-orry…"
"Wh-what?" Brandon stutters. "Brooklynn? She committed suicide, what do you mean you killed her?"
"I should've waited…" she sobs, collapsing onto his shoulder.
"I think she drove them to the hospital," the guard explains.
"I should've waited for the ambulance," Yasmina whimpers, hating herself for not listening. "I should've listened! And now she's gone…"
"She? Sh-she died?" Brandon shudders.
"I… I don't know," the guard stutters, just responding to Yasmina's disturbance.
"Her heart stopped, they were trying to bring her back…" she replays the moment in her head, over and over and over again.
"They might have brought her back," the guard says. "Or she might not know what's going on. She's not exactly… in her right mind."
"I killed her…" Yasmina sobs, tormented by this fact.
"Maybe the hospital can sedate her," the guard suggests.
"No!" Yasmina exclaims, sitting back up. She pushes her hair back and tries to be more presentable. "No, I-I don't need it. Someone else might."
She did not want to take drugs. She did not want to be unconscious at the moment, as painful as the moment might be.
The image of Brooklynn laying on the floor, unconscious and half dead haunts her and unravels any attempt at looking "sane."
Brandon and the ginger guide her to Ghaleb's car, left unattended where Yasmina parked it. She sees the back door open and immediately is hit with a wave of nausea. There wasn't much to throw up…
They put towels down on the back seat where Brooklynn sat and help her into the back seat. Brandon sits on one side and the girl on the other, and they try to make her do breathing exercises. Yasmina can't hear them. They weren't there. Nothing but Brooklynn mattered. And Brooklynn wasn't there… Maybe she would never be there again… All because of Yasmina and her recklessness and her stupidity and her inability to listen and her stubbornness and…
The list went on. Yasmina hated everything about herself at that moment. She was always doing this. Always running in headfirst without listening to reason. At first, all it hurt was herself… But now… Now she had gone too far… Now Brooklynn was hurt… D… Dead…
If Brooklynn was dead for good… Yasmina isn't sure if she could live with herself…
Her parents and Ghaleb arrive and open the door. Like a toddler, her father gently pulls her out of the car and picks her up. She had been crying for what felt like an eternity… Realistically, a solid thirty minutes. Didn't feel like it… These tears felt permanent. Eternal. These tears would forever fall down her face, grieving her friend. She would be doomed to cry for all of eternity, left in misery after what she had done.
"Is there anything we can give her to calm her down?" her mother asks.
Yasmina forces herself back to the painful reality. Her leg was mysteriously free of a suffocating, mysterious force that had been paining her. Her leg. Her prosthetic leg. That was what was compressing her leg and that was what was removed. Where it went, she wasn't entirely sure…
She was in her father's arms, and her mother was talking to a doctor. "We could give her a small dose of benzodiazepine to calm her down," the doctor agrees, pulling out the bottle.
Benzodiazepine?
A drug.
Yasmina blindly struggles against everyone, refusing to take drugs. She couldn't! Not after what happened to Brooklynn!
She ends up sitting on the ground, arms pinned to her sides by her father and Ghaleb, mouth shut tight in refusal.
"Yasmina," her mother sighs. "Please, you need this. You need to calm down."
"I can do it myself," she mutters through gritted teeth. "No drugs! That's… that's what happened to Brooklynn…"
"You're not going to overdose, this is doctor prescribed for this particular moment," Ghaleb assures her.
It takes a few very long minutes of coaxing before they convince her to reluctantly take the pills. After taking them, she feels a sense of numbness and tiredness enter her being. It wasn't the drugs… It was a sense of giving up… Giving in… Losing hope…
The drugs take effect and leave her feeling sleepy. Her limbs feel heavy and her eyelids droop. Her previous panic had turned to numbed anxiety. Rather than the feeling of impending doom, her anxiety was crouching around a corner, always there, but currently out of sight…
Yasmina closes her eyes for a moment, reluctantly relaxing in Ghaleb's arms. They were sitting in the back of his car. She was angled in the seat so that he could hug her from behind, holding her arms down so she couldn't hurt herself. His face rested on her shoulder. His breath was irregular on her neck, and she could feel tears slipping down the back of her neck and down her shirt.
Why was he crying?
Oh… right… Brooklynn had tried to kill herself…
Yasmina wanted to curse her sedated brain for momentarily forgetting that in it's state of drowsiness… Then again, it was nice to not have anxiety and crushing guilt for once, she thought selfishly…
Selfish… That's what she was… She was sitting with her older brother, being comforted in her time of insanity, while Brooklynn was laying in the hospital, dead… No… Brooklynn couldn't be dead…
But Yasmina had seen her flatline… Who knows whether the doctors brought her back to life or not…
If they couldn't… It was Yasmina's fault… She had made the mistake of driving them to the hospital. It was her fault… She should've acted better. Smarter… She should've listened instead of being impulsive… Her toxic trait…
First her impulsivity made Brooklynn lose her eye, and now her life…
How could she call Brooklynn her younger sister after this? It was all her fault!
"Who else am I going to kill with my stupidity?!" hatred yells through the drowsiness. "Who else will die because of my half thought actions?! Habeeba?! The other campers? The other families?!"
She just wanted to undo all the damage she did… Unbreak the broken… Unsay these spoken words… Pull… Pull her out of the train wreck…
That song triggered… Something… A fuzzy memory of her and Brooklynn… She associated that song with Brooklynn… She associated Train Wreck with a time with Brooklynn… But she couldn't for the life of her remember what time that was…
It was a nice memory, if she remembered correctly… A sweet time… Or was it a violent time… Was it a fight? Yasmina couldn't think clearly…
The car door opens and someone slides in. Brandon? The Ginger? Yasmina didn't care… It's not until he stops that she realizes that Ghaleb had been petting her, gently stroking her head and running his fingers through her hair soothingly. She had liked it. Why did he stop? She wanted him back. Why were these skinny arms around her instead?
"Hey, Yaz."
Oh… Ghaleb had left the car to allow her and Ben alone time.
She forces her eyes to focus on Ben's worrying face. "Hey…" he whispers, swallowing in concern. "How… How are you feeling?"
Yasmina slowly blinks, her brain taking it's sweet time to process his words. "I can't… think… I'm sleepy…" she mumbles, leaning back into his embrace.
"That would be the drugs," Ben nods, sighing.
Drugs… Brooklynn…
"She took too many," Yasmina murmurs. "The antidepressants… They were supposed to help her… She's gone…"
Tears well up at the thought. The realization that Brooklynn was no longer there… She… She'd never see Brooklynn again…
"Yaz, Brooklynn's not… dead…" Ben stutters.
Yasmina blinks and looks over at him. "She… Sh-she… Her heart stopped."
"The doctor's brought her pulse back, but… she's in a coma," Ben informs her.
She… Brooklynn was alive? Sort of? They had a chance of seeing her again?
She couldn't believe it… Lifting her hopes was too dangerous… Especially after seeing Brooklynn's heart stop… She couldn't believe it… It was easier to drown in sorrow than to hope she was alive and be devastated when she wasn't…
"She'll make it, Yaz," Ben assures her. "She'll live. She'll make it out of this."
She couldn't believe it… She couldn't possibly believe it… No, she had killed Brooklynn with her reckless actions…
That song triggered something again… "I guess it's hard to accept… I want to accept it, I just don't believe it… If I let my guard down, I'm scared I'll lose you forever…"
Why had she told Brooklynn that…
"You're pulling away…"
"No, I'm not…"
"I can see it, I've worn that look too many times… That look when you want to open up desperately, but you're too scared to do so…"
Brooklynn had shut down… Yasmina had been confiding in her and Brooklynn's expression had changed… She had shut down… Closed off…
They had fought. Brooklynn had tried to run off and Yasmina had chased her… Brooklynn stole her leg and they ended up wrestling on the floor…
"Yeah, yeah, I know I'd get angry if you guys made me open up when I wasn't comfortable… Why are you hiding your problems?"
"I'm not hiding anything…"
Yasmina had continued to push, trying to get Brooklynn to open up.
"I don't care what it is. You can talk to me about it. There's nothing you can tell me that will make me leave you… I won't push you any further on this subject… For now…"
What if… What if all Yasmina had had to do was push a little bit more? Brooklynn had been open before they fought… Before she closed off… What if Yasmina was minutes away from breaking through? What if she should've pushed? What if this all could have been prevented if she had just pressed a little bit more?
What if it was too late?
"Do you believe it?" she asks, silently crying. "Do you believe she'll be okay? Do you believe she'll be better if she wakes up? Will she try again? Will she never learn? Will she never open up?"
Ben doesn't answer her…
The pain surfaces beneath the drugs, like water slowly seeping through cracks. Grief was seeping in and flooding her heart… And the sedation couldn't hold back the tide completely. "Why did this happen?" she chokes out. "Why did she do this? Why couldn't we get to her? How could this happen to her? Why would God allow this?" "What did Brooklynn do to deserve this?"
Ben takes a shaky breath, collecting his thoughts. "Yaz… He doesn't want her to die… This isn't his plan for her… He provided a way of escape for her… He provided many ways, time and time again… But if she doesn't accept those ways… If she doesn't seek help…"
Yasmina grips his arm, silently begging that he doesn't finish what he was saying.
"She… Brooklynn… Yaz, I don't… She wasn't looking for help…" he says, struggling to say it. "After a certain point, she just… refused help… God tried… We tried… But if she doesn't accept help, then she can't be saved… If she's lost the will to live completely, then there's nothing we can do…"
The tide had risen to unbearable depths. She turns and buries her face in his shoulder, pulling her legs into the warmth of her body. He had to be wrong… He had to be! Brooklynn couldn't be gone! Except Yasmina couldn't believe that she was alive…
He was right and she knew it… Brooklynn was just as stubborn as her… If she decided not to live… They couldn't bring her back…
Could she… Could Yasmina have saved her? That fight… Had she pushed just a little further, would she have saved Brooklynn? Was she too far gone then? Was that the difference between Brooklynn's life and death?
The thought… Brooklynn… Because of Yasmina…
She couldn't possibly…
No…
At some point she had stopped crying and laid lifeless in Ben's arms… Then she was on the pavement, leaning against the car with no memory of how she got there… She was hugging something… Her knees, she supposed… No, wait, there was a person… Arms around her… It was Darius, who's hug she accepted weakly…
Then they were back in the car… The side of her face was pressed against the window… Someone was next to her, squished tightly against her body… It was dark beyond the window…
Her tired body finally gives into the drugs and slips into oblivion…
And the torment began.
"Don't go Brooklynn!" Yasmina cries, keeping her eyes trained on the road ahead. She was speeding down the highway, rushing Brooklynn to the hospital. Cars sped past her, going a hundred miles an hour. "We're almost there!" Yasmina declares, groaning in anguish as the road stretches out, lengthening just to taunt her. "Come on!" she shouts, glancing a look at her friend in the back. Brooklynn is draped across the backseat, blood and foam dripping from her mouth. Her eyes were glazed over, and her skin was pale green.
Yasmina looks at the road again and screams. Cars were racing towards her. She was on the wrong side of traffic. She swerves and swerves and misses each oncoming car by an inch every time. There was no end. They kept coming. Yasmina tries to move off to the side of the road, but they just keep coming! Each miss hammered the foreboding sense of anxiety deeper into her soul.
Was she going the wrong way?! Why was she driving into traffic?! Brooklynn's bloody gurgle sends blood splattered across the windshield, reminding Yasmina what the stakes were.
Sirens rush up behind her, and she's sideswiped on the left. Yasmina shrieks, struggling to keep the car steady and not crash. The sirens continue to try to take her out.
They were driving down. The road was sloping down. A voice from the sirens tells her to stop. Stop driving. She was making things worse. But Yasmina couldn't stop. Brooklynn had to get to the hospital! She couldn't stop the car now, they'd crash!
The oncoming traffic clears out and Yasmina can see their destination clearly. The road dropped off into a fiery pit of lava. Yelping, she slams on the breaks.
The car stops, but not before the front tires go over the edge. The windshield breaks and Yasmina's torso goes out the window.
Something bumps her, and Yasmina barely grabs Brooklynn's hand in time. "No!" she shouts, trying to pull her friend back into the car.
Brooklynn looks down at the lava and back up at Yasmina. "Why did you bring me here?!
She condemns. "You should've stopped when you had the chance!"
"I'm sorry!" Yasmina shouts, trying to pull her back in. "I'm sorry! I thought I was helping!"
"You're never helping!" Brooklynn shouts. "You always make things worse! You drove me here!"
Brooklynn's hand slips from Yasmina's grasp and she falls with a scream.
"BROOKLYNN!" she wails, reaching out for her sister. Her legs slip out from the car and suddenly she's falling into burning light.
Then darkness. Everything was cold. Yasmina lifts her head, scanning her surroundings. She was tied up to a chair in a dark room. If it was a room. It was all black.
A light turns on, illuminating a ghastly figure. It was humanoid, and standing erect, but it's body was covered in black, oozing, rotting scales. It's back and tail were covered in bubble-like shells, and it's tail curled up with a nasty stinger. Red, slitted eyes that were too large for it's head. A cheshire smile with malicious teeth. Long ivory claws with rotting blood caked on them. It was part human, part Scorpius Rex, part demon, and fully evil.
Charlie.
He stood with his legs together, body tilted to one side, head tilted the other way with his hands behind his back like a charismatic cartoon villain.
"Did you like your descent?" It speaks with a groveling, disembodied voice. "It was quite a ride."
"G-get away!" Yasmina gulps as he comes closer. "Stay away! Leave me alone!"
Its claws trace her jawline as it walks behind her, making her shudder. It tuts, lightly grabbing her shoulders and leaning down to look her in the face. "Let it begin," it hisses gleefully. "Let Hell break loose."
Yasmina suppresses a sob.
Charlie dangles its claws above her head before reaching into her skull. Yasmina gags, more uncomfortable and disgusted than pained. Its claws sunk through her skull with a crackling, wet sound. Yasmina grimaces as its claws rummage around, her stomach churning at the sounds and unnatural movements.
Charlie pulls something out and examines it. "You won't be needing this anymore!" it declares manically.
"What?" she breathes, tears slipping out.
"Your sanity," it hisses in her ear, making her shudder.
Charlie walks around to face her again, claws reaching up to grab the lightbulb string. "We're going to have lots of fun!" it laughs. Laughter turns to a sinister growl. "Sweet dreams," it says threateningly, turning off the light. There is a moment of pitch black, before Charlie's red eyes and white teeth are all she sees.
Yasmina jumps awake, yelping. Her hands shake uncontrollably.
Ben shifts in his sleep next to her. Yasmina attempts to take in slow, steady breaths as she studies her surroundings. The older brothers were in the front seats of the car. The boys were next to her. She was leaning against the car window.
Yasmina looks out the window, and curls into herself, trying not to look out. The anxious feeling that something was out there, looking at her, wouldn't go away. At any moment, she expected something to attack the window. For claws to reach through and grab her hair. For a screeching sound and an attack to follow. It was inexplicable how she was able to fall back to sleep in that state.
"Brooklynn!" Yasmina cries, exiting the vehicle and running to the front. Brooklynn laid on her back, the front right tire sitting on her chest. She shallowly pants, the weight of the car crushing her ribs. "Yaz, help… me…"
"Brooklynn!" Yasmina catches her breath, sobbing. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I didn't see you!"
"Just… kill me…" Brooklynn rasps, struggling to breathe. She was in a lot of pain. "Just finish it… Finish what… you started…"
"No, I didn't mean to!" Yasmina apologizes. "Please, I'm sorry!"
"Kill… me…" Brooklynn begs, blood gurgling in her throat. "You killed me… finish the job…"
"No, no, I'll get help! I'm sorry!" Yasmina insists.
"Please… spare me…" she pleads. "Have mercy…"
Yasmina shakes. There was no one around. There was no help for Brooklynn. She had to put Brooklynn out of her misery…
She had a gun. Whimpering, she lifts it to Brooklynn's forehead. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry, Brooklynn."
"Just… help me…" Brooklynn gasps.
Yasmina grimaces and pulls the trigger, yelping as the gun goes off and blood splatters on her.
"Hey! Drop the gun and put your hands in the air!" a police officer arrives, holding her at gunpoint.
Yasmina drops it and does as she's told. "I didn't mean to! She was dying! I had to!"
"You're under arrest for the murder of Brooklynn Monell," another says, grabbing her arms and putting them behind her back.
"I didn't mean to! I didn't mean to! I didn't see her! I love her! I didn't want to do this!" Yasmina wails, being dragged away from her sister's bleeding body.
Yasmina reawakens, chest heaving. She killed Brooklynn. She killed Brooklynn!
No… It was a dream… She didn't run Brooklynn over… She didn't kill her…
At least, not in the way the dream portrayed…
Clink. Clink. Clink… Clink. Claws on the lab's metal floor. Claws moving closer. Claws moving faster. Claws slowing down… Claws getting farther away… Claws doubling back and getting closer again.
Yasmina bites her lip, pressing further into the unforgiving metal corner. Her fearful panting was loud, way too loud in the echoing halls. It was coming for her. It was coming.
The claw taps slow down, taunting her. It was sneaking up on her. It was right around the corner…
It stops.
"Don't fight it," it warns with a hiss.
Yasmina trembles, mustering the strength to lift the gun and point it at the hallway.
It lunges for her with a roar.
Yasmina screams and fires off round after round after round, eyes shut tightly, hoping she was hitting him but too afraid to look.
Finally she sneaks a look.
Brooklynn stood wobbly in front of her, blood oozing from a million bullet wounds. "Yaz," Brooklynn's breath hitches, betrayal etched in every gasp for air.
"No!" her voice cracks as she lunges to catch Brooklynn. She holds her tightly to her chest. "I-I…"
"Why?" Brooklynn cries.
"I thought…" Yasmina doesn't know how to answer. "I thought you were… someone else…"
Brooklynn starts coughing, and blood splatters on Yasmina's face.
Yasmina blinks and it was suddenly dark. She was trapped in between flesh and unmoving material. Blurry lights glare at her through a window.
She panics, struggling to get her right arm freed. What happened to Brooklynn?!
Wait… She was in the car… Ben was beside her… The blurry lights were from the hospital… She was awake…
Yasmina swallows queasily and settles back down. She could still see Brooklynn's look of horror…
She was in a large metal warehouse. There were no doors. Dim light illuminated about five feet around her. Nothing else could be seen.
A brighter light turns on above the upper level. Charlie stood there, leaning against the railing. "Wanna play a game?" it asks.
Yasmina shakes her head, tears welling up. "No… No, I don't!"
"Are you sure?" it tilts its head. "There's a very, very special prize to win."
It gestures down beneath the railing. A light activates, revealing Brooklynn. Her legs were tied together, and her arms were being pulled out, like she was crucified, but not on a cross. Her head hung; she was unconscious.
"Let her go!" Yasmina demands.
Charlie chuckles. "Only if you win."
"What's the game?" Yasmina asks desperately. "What do you want me to do?"
Charlie grins, and for a moment she fears that it'll kill Brooklynn right then and there. Then the warehouse is flooded with light.
Yasmina flinches and looks around. Torture devices surrounded her. Torture devices from every era, time period and country. Torture devices she spent way too much time researching.
"Do you want to save her?" it asks.
"Yes!" she says hastily.
"How far are you willing to go?"
Yasmina gulps. "However far I need to," she says, barely above a whisper.
It snickers. "The pool."
Yasmina looks around and sees a pool on the side of the warehouse, filled with dark, murky waters. She reluctantly approaches it, peering into the dark waters. Gray brown scales slink across the surface, making her shiver.
"Put your leg in," Charlie grovels.
Yasmina's tongue sticks to the roof of her mouth. She glances at Brooklynn, who was starting to stir. Shaking, she lowers herself down to the edge, sitting and dipping her left leg into the water. It was dead silent other than the slopping of the water against the sides.
Then excruciating pain as an alligator snaps it's jaws around her leg.
Yasmina screams and the alligator yanks her into the pool. She grabs onto the side, hanging on desperately as the reptile thrashes around. Searing pain flares through her as her leg is torn off, jerk by jerk.
With one final jerk, her leg separates and she pulls herself back out of the water, panting and gritting her teeth.
A clawed hand grabs her chin and jerks her head up. "Good, good," Charlie hisses, dragging her by her head.
"I did what you asked!" she gasps in pain, watching her leg leave a trail of blood. "Let her go!"
Charlie throws her to the ground and picks up a metal tool. It places the tool in a smoldering fire.
"Let her go!" Yasmina shouts, more determined this time.
"Shut up, you impulsive, reckless idiot!" it shouts. Suddenly her mouth is wretched open and the fiery hot tongs are forced into her mouth. Yasmina screams past the molten metal as it clenches her tongue. Searing hot pain jolts through her tongue, followed by an agonizing ripping sensation.
Yasmina coughs out blood, gasping in pain and unable to speak.
"What else can I do to you," it says, tutting as circles her. It picks up a sinister-looking device. "Perhaps I shall rip out your breasts."
Yasmina flinches, covering her chest.
"I thought you said you would do whatever it takes," Charlie says in a disappointed tone. It pulls a lever.
Brooklynn's chains start to tighten, pulling her arms.
Yasmina tries to beg, but all that comes out is hoarse rasping and blood. She's forced to watch as Brooklynn's torso is torn in half, her sister screaming in agony.
Yasmina wakes up in tears. Brooklynn's screams follow her into reality, haunting her memory. Shaking, she sobs silently.
Ghaleb shifts in the front seat. "Yaz?" he whispers.
She sniffs, hugging herself. "I'd take it," she shudders. "I'd take it all."
"What?" Ghaleb asks.
She's hit with another round of silent sobs. "I'd take everything she's been through," she stutters out. "Just to get her back."
Ghaleb sighs, letting her cry in silence. There was nothing he could say to fix it. Nothing he could say to comfort her…
Yasmina cries herself to sleep, drifting in and out of nightmares.
In the middle of another tormenting dream, a sharp sound interrupts. Yasmina jolts awake, eyes wide and searching. The boys in front of her stir and open the car door. Outside the door, she can see Miriam approaching her door.
Yasmina numbly turns over and hugs Ben, not wanting to leave. Not wanting to face reality. Not that dreamland was any better…
The door opens and cold air hits her bare arms and legs. She shivers into Ben, gripping his shirt, desperately nestling into the warmth his body gave her.
Ben forces her out of the car, and she does as she's made to do. It was cold and bright and grim, and Yasmina hides her face in his shoulder, clinging to him for dear life and sanity.
"What happened?" Sammy's bright and worried voice comes. It was too bright and too loud. A string of other invasive, prying questions comes, bringing a wave of nausea.
"Sammy," Ben stops her, his voice reverberating through his throat against her cheek. Darius tries to answer, and fails.
Yasmina grimaces, shuddering. "Don't… ask…"
"We're not sure when she did it," Ben's soothing voice begins. "The doctors induced her coma. Gave her charcoal and naloxone… Everybody responded to the call and got here after that. It was later in the night that Brooklynn's Mom finally came. We still haven't gotten ahold of her Dad…"
"Why was she alone?" Sammy asks. "She… She's not supposed to be left alone…"
"Her parents were out… Milton had left her…"
Yasmina feels a muted sense of rage, like she wanted to kill Milton but the only thing her body would do was cry into Ben's shoulder…
"Milton says he couldn't get ahold of either parent," Ben explains. "Mrs. Monell got stuck on the side of the road…"
Yasmina dissociates, staring off into the distance. What did it matter? Who cares where everyone was or what they were doing? They weren't there for Brooklynn! That's all that mattered! Who cares what Milton thought would happen, who cares that Mrs. Monell's car broke down on the side of the road? They weren't there!
She wasn't there… Why did Yasmina stay with Darius? Why didn't she spend the night with Brooklynn? Why didn't she choose Brooklynn? It had seemed like such an insignificant choice at the time… It was simply a matter of who did she want to spend time with… Yasmina had no, absolutely no idea the disastrous, life altering consequences that seemingly insignificant choice would have…
If only she had chosen Brooklynn… If only she had decided to sleep over with Brooklynn… or have Brooklynn sleep over at her house… Maybe she could've talked Brooklynn out of it… Maybe she could've offered Brooklynn the warmth and the support and…
Why did Brooklynn do it?
Yasmina's focus is brought back to the hospital in front of her. The hospital where Brooklynn lay… Why? Why did she try to kill herself? What pushed her over the edge?
"Why did she do it?" she asks, lip trembling. Could they have changed this outcome? Could they have done something to save her? Could Yasmina have fixed this?
"Yeah, she seemed to be doing better…" Sammy's voice infiltrates her ears.
"No… she wasn't…" Darius's voice comes next, bringing her back to reality. "She's just good at pretending… She wasn't doing better…"
"She seemed better," Sammy's lip trembles.
Darius was right. Yasmina was good at walling off emotion and acting stoic… But Brooklynn was a different story. Brooklynn was good at lying. She was good at acting. Yasmina knew this… She knew this… She knew Brooklynn was good at faking it for the camera… Still, Yasmina knew how to read her. They all knew how to see the little, seemingly insignificant details that gave away Brooklynn's true feelings. They knew her.
But… did they? Did they truly know how to read her? Was Brooklynn just that good at acting? How many times did Brooklynn smile through the pain and they thought it was genuine? Was Brooklynn just that good at playing a part? Was the Brooklynn they thought they knew even real? Was it just another part Brooklynn was playing? Another character created for her friends? Did Yasmina even know her sister?
…
Or was Yasmina just that unobservant? Were all the signs there and Yasmina just couldn't notice them? Surely, there were signs. Brooklynn couldn't be that good… She couldn't be… No, Brooklynn lived with them. She spent most of her waking hours with her friends. Surely she couldn't have been that good!
So then Yasmina just… wasn't paying attention…
"I was… I was paying attention… I thought I was…" she insists, pleading innocent with the accusing voices in her head. "There were no signs of this! There were no signs… Right?"
"Something pushed her over the edge," Darius sighs.
"Yes, it was something recent," Yasmina hastily grabs onto the theory. It had to be recent. It couldn't have been building up… They didn't notice anything…
"This was planned… Hastily, I think," Ben rubs her arm. "But the intentions to do it were there for a while…"
"No, they couldn't be! I would've noticed! I was paying attention!"
"I think she wanted to do this… Wanted to for a while now…"
"No! We would've noticed, we would've seen something!"
"Why?" Darius shudders. "What happened? What made her give up? What made her feel this way to begin with…"
"Trauma?" Sammy suggests.
Yasmina contemplates it… Trauma from the island? Possibly… But not likely… Brooklynn got good at hiding behind a smiling mask… She couldn't have gotten that good at it that quickly… She was hiding things prior to the island…
Yasmina knew this! She had seen the scars Brooklynn inflicted upon herself before the island. Brooklynn had been starving herself beforehand. Her problems may have been made worse by the island, but they started before…
But what could've caused her such pain that she couldn't have lived any longer… Her parents' neglect didn't seem like a likely culprit… It had to be something more sinister…
Something… targeted and orchestrated…
"Leah," Yasmina speaks as she comes to the revelation.
"I don't think it was Leah," Ben doubts. "At least, not all of her…"
"It has to be her," her vision fazes out, a vivid picture of this predator forming in her mind. "Brooklynn was doing better before Leah came and wrecked everything." The memory of Leah in the hospital, trying to sway Brooklynn to her side resurfaces.
"Brooklynn started becoming secretive about Leah…" All those times when Leah's name would be mentioned and Brooklynn would tense up and change the subject.
"Like that b**** was doing something to her behind the scenes…" Her mind went blank. What could Leah have done to make Brooklynn end her life?
Oh, if only she could get her hands on Leah… Grab her head and jerk it to the side…
"... Possibly pushed Brooklynn over the edge," a voice says.
Yasmina lifts her head and looks up. For once, someone had an idea. Possibly an answer! It was Kenji. He looked grave…
"There's a video going around. The title gives me nothing, but judging by the comments… it's bad."
"What are the comments?" Ben frowns.
"Half the comments are enjoying… the video…" Kenji grimaces. "The other half are outraged and reminding everyone that Brooklynn's a minor."
Her jaw goes slack, but her lips tighten. She stares in horror. He was dead serious. Sammy and Darius question him, but Yasmina already knew… He was suggesting it was pornographic.
"From the looks of the comments… It's a sextape… including Brooklynn," Kenji continues.
"You can't be serious," Darius speaks for all of them.
"Brooklynn… in a porn video?" Sammy stutters.
"That's what it looks like?"
"Brooklynn?" Yasmina draws a blank. This… she didn't see this coming… "Making that kind of content?"
"You don't think she would?" Kenji retorts, then flinches at her glare. "Look, she was already in a questionable arena… Fighting to get views… I'm not… I don't want to think she'd go there, but you do know she was under immense pressure to do anything for views…"
"In other words, Brooklynn was so desperate for attention that she stripped or slept with whoever she needed to to get it," Yasmina's mind finishes what he didn't want to say.
Anger swells within her. Anger that anyone would consider the idea that her younger sister would defile herself like that for attention!
"Brooklynn wouldn't do that!" she snaps. Then a thought comes… No… She would… Brooklynn would do that…
If Leah told her to…
"No… That can't be real…" she falters.
"I don't want to believe it, but… I think Kenji has a point," Ben gulps. "Brooklynn fought hard to get the popularity she has. Leah helped and… she wasn't always a good influence… Sexualizing yourself for fame is becoming normal… and pushed… For a young girl who's already struggling with feeling neglected at home, she'd be desperate for attention… Making her vulnerable."
Darius heaves a sigh before looking at them. "She hinted at it on the island… We were riding the Triceratops back in the beginning of our stay. She said she did questionable things for attention on the Internet. That she had to do uncomfortable things to get fame… That she felt like she sold her soul…"
Pieces start to click together. It was true… As much as she tried to deny it, it was true… It explained everything…
Leah pressured Brooklynn into filming a porn video… Said it would help with popularity or some s***... Why? Probably because then Leah had dirt on Brooklynn to pull out in the case that Brooklynn didn't do exactly as Leah wanted… Which is exactly what she did…
Brooklynn sided with Yasmina in the hospital… Leah got mad and created a whole bunch of rumors… Parents and society got involved and Leah was forced to apologize and go offline… But she had to have the last word… She threatened to release the video… Brooklynn, afraid of being exposed like that, towed the line as best she could without letting the rest of them know what was going on…
It wasn't enough for Leah… She got her tech privileges back and posted or had someone else post the video… Pushing Brooklynn off the already rocky edge…
It all makes sense… Brooklynn was ashamed of herself. Ashamed of what she had done. Her big secret… Her deepest darkest secret…
A thought comes… Brooklynn's reaction to Yasmina's April Fools joke… Everyone had been outraged, infuriated, and annoyed when her and Ben revealed it was all a prank… But they all accepted it quickly and were fast to start complaining. Brooklynn on the other hand… She kept reaffirming that it was a prank… Almost like she hadn't wanted it to be a prank…
Maybe she didn't want it to be a prank… Maybe Brooklynn felt some consolation when she learned that Yasmina had also made a mistake… Maybe Brooklynn found comfort in the idea that she wasn't the only one who regretted it… Brooklynn had acted like her secret was so huge and horrible that none of them could ever understand or like her after finding out…
Maybe Yasmina should've waited before revealing the prank… Maybe, with Brooklynn believing she was pregnant, Brooklynn would've opened up about her pain and past… Brooklynn would've still felt insanely betrayed when she found out… But maybe they would've been able to save her…
That's what Brooklynn was feeling… She was feeling betrayal. Yasmina knew all her friends felt betrayed by the prank, that's why she felt guilty about pulling it. But Brooklynn was obviously the one who felt the most betrayed… Yasmina was never sure why it hit her the hardest. But now… Knowing what Brooklynn had been through… It hit her deeper. Believing that Yasmina was pregnant might have been the only opening into her secret, because for once, someone might just know what she had gone through…
And then to find out that Yasmina had lied… On top of being lied to, her only hope of having someone to relate to and open up to was ripped away…
Yasmina had ripped it away…
It was her fault…
Yasmina starts shaking. It was her fault… She had further isolated Brooklynn with that prank… Brooklynn was convinced no one could love her after that… She was ashamed and felt dirty. What she did was so bad, no one could ever love her again.
She had to see it. She had to prove Brooklynn wrong. She had to see it with her own eyes… Brooklynn would never believe her otherwise…
"I have to see it to believe it," Yasmina sighs. A part of her also doubted this thing was true… despite all the evidence that it was.
"No… I can't… I can't watch it," Darius shakes his head.
"I can't either," Sammy says. "If it's true… I can't look at her like that… It's already out there for the world to see… She killed herself over it… I can't breach her privacy like that."
"I don't want to watch it either," Ben says, looking down at Yasmina. "Sammy's right… It feels wrong to think about watching that…"
"Yeah, no…" Kenji agrees.
Yasmina digs her heels in deeper. "I have to know… This… This is what pushed her over the edge… I have to know what it is. What it was that hurt her so much, she gave up the will to live."
The others stare at her in judging silence. Finally, Kenji throws her his phone. "Then you can watch it," he growls.
Their judgment makes her falter. Maybe she shouldn't… Maybe she should leave it alone… She really didn't want to watch it… She didn't want to breach Brooklynn's privacy… And she didn't want to watch porn… It was uncomfortable and dirty and… triggering to think about…
"Yaz, don't…" Darius hisses.
"If you can't bear it, don't watch it," Sammy accuses.
Pride wells up in her. She could handle it! She could deal with it! "Somebody has to," she growls, accepting Ben's help to sit on the pavement.
The video was already up, all she had to do was click out of the comments. She plays the video, bracing herself for the worst.
They were already naked and on the bed, fully plunging Yasmina into it. Her stomach turns and she fights the urge to look away. It takes a second of bewilderment to remember that this was Brooklynn. This was Brooklynn she was looking at.
Was it? Yes, the girl was Brooklynn… Underneath a very obviously adult man. Brooklynn couldn't have been more than 13! This was predatory! She was a kid! She was just a kid! Stop doing that to her!
Yasmina holds back tears, wanting to look away. This wasn't what Brooklynn thought it was at all! She wasn't dirty or a whore or whatever she thought of herself as! She was a kid! She was just a kid! Whether she consented to it or not, she was just a kid! This perverted, creepy man took advantage of her…
"Oh, Brooklynn… You should've told me…" Yasmina thinks, silently crying. Brooklynn shouldn't have killed herself over this…
A hand on her shoulder startles her, and she turns away for a second. Ben was crouching next to her, watching with a blank expression. She couldn't figure out what he was thinking…
Yasmina reluctantly turns her attention to the screen. Watching was uncomfortable, but thinking about what this did to Brooklynn… The damage it caused…
"Turn it up," Kenji says, frowning.
Yasmina does so with confusion. Kenji comes to watch it, then asks her to replay it. She does and looks away. She already saw most of it… Enough to know that Brooklynn had no reason to think they would hate her.
"It's not real, is it?" Ben asks, getting her attention.
"The voice isn't right. The body isn't right. The face isn't right. The lighting isn't right. It's all wrong," Kenji states.
"What do you mean?" Sammy asks, joining them.
"The voice sounds too high in a fake way to be hers," Kenji explains. "I don't know, it just sounds different… Which could be explained by her trying to imitate other videos, but that's inconsistency number one. Number two, the body doesn't match Brooklynn. If Brooklynn truly did make this video, it couldn't have been too long ago. That girl's too… that girl's a normal weight. Her whole body's bigger than Brooklynn's."
Yasmina squints, examining the body regretfully. But Kenji was right. The girl was skinny, but not skinny enough to be Brooklynn… Perhaps this was what sent Brooklynn into anorexia, but unlikely…
"And she conveniently has her face turning away from the camera most of the time," he points out. "When she is turned towards the camera, the face is all wrong. The lighting doesn't match the rest of the body, and neither does the facial expression. Looks like someone just paused a video of Brooklynn and cropped it onto the body of a random porn video."
"Oh my gosh, you're right," Sammy breathes.
Yasmina has to agree with her. The… couple… were in a small room with a lamp illuminating their figures. But Brooklynn's facial lighting was just slightly off… Her face was illuminated by a light somewhere else. The only explanation would be photoshop. And after observing the video, it seemed as if Brooklynn's "expressions" were on a repeating loop. It was almost non observable, but Yasmina was pretty sure it was just one clip of Brooklynn's face taken out of context.
"And of course her face is concealed most of the time," she comments, noticing just how much Brooklynn's face wasn't in view.
"Easier to edit," Ben agrees.
"And there's only one camera angle," Sammy adds.
"Terrible quality, too," Ben sniffs. "Definitely not what Brooklynn would use if she was filming the video. Poor quality if she was trying to get views. Plus, honestly, you can only figure out it's her based on the title of the video. Her face is kinda obscured most of the time."
Yasmina would have to disagree with him on the last part, the face was obviously Brooklynn. But he was right. This was not at all quality content… In any form. It was weird… watching two other people… Even weirder still was that it was easier than believing it was Brooklynn…
"I'm pretty sure I've seen the real video," Kenji mutters. "I think I might be able to find the real one…"
"So, it's not her?" Darius asks from where he was covering his ears.
"Yeah, we're sure of it," Ben nods.
Yasmina watches Kenji search his pockets before handing him his phone back, a little amused.
As Kenji attempts to find the video, Yasmina frowns. If the video was fake… What was Brooklynn's big secret then?
Darius rummaging through the car catches her eye. "What are you doing?" she asks.
"Leah had to have been blackmailing Brooklynn with this video," he growls. He glares at the phone, obviously locked out.
"Let me try," Yasmina suggests. She tries the usual, but it doesn't work. "She changed it…" she mutters, trying a couple other passwords she knew Brooklynn used. For someone extremely tech savvy, Brooklynn was very unoriginal and unsafe with her passwords… Thank God for that.
"What are you doing?" Sammy asks as Yasmina gets in.
"Seeing if she was in contact with Leah," Darius explains.
The first thing Yasmina checks is her messages. Besides the unanswered texts from her, Darius, and Milton, there was Leah… Right there beneath them. The last text was a video. "Leah sent her the video," she snarls.
"So she was behind this," Darius growls. "I bet she edited the video, too."
"There's not much evidence… yet…" Ben plays devils advocate. "But given everything that's happened, I guarantee Leah was the one who released that video and edited it, too… And if not, maybe got someone else to do it."
"Why would she kill herself over this?" Sammy asks.
"Found it!" Kenji exclaims, passing around his phone. "That's the exact video, just without Brooklynn's face. It's the real one. Nothing distorted or strange. That video of Brooklynn is completely fake and we have proof."
"Which is why I'm confused," Sammy frowns. "Why would she die over this? Kenji picked up on it so quickly—"
"It did have something off to it, even before Kenji pointed it out," Ben interrupts.
Yasmina disagrees… Maybe she was just quick to believe it, or unobservant… Or maybe there was just too much evidence to suggest that Brooklynn did film the video…
Except the video was fake…
"But it's very obviously fake," Sammy snaps.
"Yeah… Why'd this do her in?" Kenji asks.
"As embarrassing as it is… It's not true," Darius frowns. "She knows it's not real… Why would she kill herself over an edited video…"
Yasmina can't share their confusion… The video might be fake… But the feeling was real… There was something they were missing, but Yasmina, regretfully, believed it was true. Something happened to Brooklynn and it had to do with sex. Porn. Something of the nature. The way she kept the secret, the way she reacted to the prank… All of it pointed to this.
But the video was fake…
Could there be a real video out there? Could Leah have edited this video to threaten Brooklynn, withholding the real video if Brooklynn continued to fight against her? That had to be it… Leah was holding the best cards for last…
"Yaz, what do you think it is?" Sammy asks, voice disembodied, floating somewhere in Yasmina's mind.
Brooklynn's phone vibrates in her hand. With Ben over her shoulder, she checks it. It was an unknown number. "I edited that video. It's not even Brooklynn in that video. I don't know who it is. I was commissioned to do this. I didn't know this would push her over the edge. I am so sorry. I didn't realize the intents of my commissioner. I thought this was another petty rivalry between Brooklynn and Leah. I didn't realize how much harm Leah wanted to do. It seemed like libel until she revealed the inspiration behind the idea.
"I'm so sorry. I'm attaching the real video which Leah drew from. She wanted to make Brooklynn look dirty, so the edited video hardly matches the real footage. I didn't want to reveal this to the public, not after what the fake video did to her. But this can't be left hidden. I hope someone finds this. Family. Police. Someone. Just don't let this footage be hidden."
"There's another video," she breathes. The reality hits. "There's another video…" she growls. She was right. Leah was holding back. Whoever Leah had post the deepfake confessed…
Wait…
Leah wanted to make Brooklynn look dirty…
So the fake video hardly matches the real thing…
But… How… That would mean that the real footage made her look like a victim… More so than having an adult man sleep with her…
"I don't know if I want to watch this…" she shakes uncontrollably.
There was only one thing this could mean… Brooklynn was raped, and Leah had footage of it. It was the only thing that made sense. Brooklynn was horribly raped and over time, the guilt ate her up. She became ashamed… Gaslit… Believed she had agreed to it and felt like a whore… So when Leah posted the fake video, Brooklynn believed it…
But how did Leah get the footage? Did Leah… did Leah rape her? No, that didn't fit… Maybe Leah paid a guy to do it… Or stood by and watched…
"Play it," Darius's grave voice says. He comes to sit behind her. "I have to know."
"I think I know…" she whispers, a tear slipping out as Ben plays the link.
It was security footage of a ballet room. Brooklynn was in a black leotard and flowy shorts. She was at the bar, doing her warm up routines. She was the only one in the class. There was an older man, probably in his 40s or 50s.
Red flag. Red flag. Why was she alone? Why was she the only one in the class? Where were the other students? Why was he alone with her?!
Yasmina's heart pounds. A pit of anxiety gets heavier and heavier in her stomach. Nothing exciting was happening, but she knew. She knew what he was going to do. She was shaking. She knew what this man would do. There was nothing she could do to stop it. All she could do was wait for it.
He kept moving in and holding her waist, seemingly innocent enough… But it was creepy and unnerving and only made her anxiety worse. This was Brooklynn's ballet instructor… This was why she quit ballet…
His name… She associated it with the Hunger Games… Snow… No… Blizzard! Antonius Blizzard!
So she had a name for the perverted face…
And then it happened. Blizzard grabbed Brooklynn's waist and pulled her in close, roughly. He was pressing her hips against his. Predator. Predator.
He kissed her. Brooklynn pulled away in shock, saying no. Telling him to stop.
He ignores her and goes in for another kiss. Brooklynn pushes herself away from him.
He grabs her aggressively, telling her she wanted this. He won't hurt her. Not if she cooperates…
"Run… Just run!" Yasmina pleads, seeing the inevitable.
Instead, Brooklynn reluctantly kisses back, making the knot of anxiety in her stomach squirm.
It was too much. Brooklynn pulls away, telling him she couldn't do it.
So he shoved her to the ground.
Yasmina squeezes her eyes shut, steeling herself for what she knew would come.
When she opened her eyes again, Brooklynn was naked and trying to escape. She was struggling. He was pinning her down.
There was nothing she could do.
He held her down…
She screamed…
"Get back here!"
He was raping her.
"Get back here, right now!"
Brooklynn was screaming.
"I told you not to run away."
The video blurs out of focus. The world disappeared. In front of her was her father. Her first father.
"Are you deaf?!"
"Is she dead?"
"Are you deaf?!"
A hand between her legs… Cold…
"Oh, you don't like that? You little brat!"
Hand grabbing her. Groping her. Anger. She was in trouble.
She was frozen.
She was screaming.
Someone was hugging her.
Someone was roughly groping her. Aggressive. Cold…
Pain. Fear. Wrong. It was so wrong. Hands rough and calloused. Breath hot and angry.
Deep breaths… Deep breaths…
Blinking, the world comes back into focus. The video was over. Brooklynn was raped. It was done. They couldn't do anything about it…
Yasmina takes in a shaky breath and wipes away her tears. She had a small taste of what Brooklynn had been through… From her biological father… And yet it could never compare to Brooklynn's experience… Her father's rough hand couldn't compare to actual rape…
Sobs wracked her body. She wanted to hug Brooklynn. Tell her that it's okay. It wasn't her fault. She wasn't alone… Yasmina knew the pain…
It was pain… The guilt… The shame… It made her kill herself… He killed her… Brooklynn died because of this… The pain… The guilt… The shame… It made her end her life… Because of this man… And the shame…
Her thoughts went circular.
In a circle.
Spiraling. Like a whirlpool.
She was drowning in every feeling possible. Too much emotion. Too much guilt. Wave after wave piling on top of her. The current was pulling her down, spinning her round and round. She was drowning. She was drowning!
Yasmina forces herself to take deep breaths. They come out ragged and shallow. Her heart was feeling things faster than her brain could keep up. Internal walls were crumbling, crashing down. She was losing it. Losing sanity.
Losing herself. Losing Brooklynn. Losing everything!
Pieces. She needed pieces. Pieces of something. Her mind. Herself. Something to cling to as everything disintegrated! It was all slipping through her fingers…
Leah… Blizzard…
They started this…
They deserved to die for what they did…
Murder… That's what they committed… They killed Brooklynn…
And she could kill them.
Aha! A piece of herself, caught before it was swept away with the tide of drowning emotions. She was a protector. She protected. That was what she was good at. That was what she did for her friends. She used her skills and strength and endurance to keep them safe.
And she had failed.
But she could make up for it.
She'd kill them both… Leah… Blizzard… She'd kill them both. She'd avenge Brooklynn. She'd redeem herself. She'd make sure Brooklynn would never be hurt by them again… And if Brooklynn died… Well, at least no more innocent young girls would be hurt by them…
Life and reality start to have meaning again. She'd hunt them down. Yes, like a velociraptor. She'd stalk them. Watch their every move. She'd wait until they were alone. Unarmed and unsuspecting. They'd be completely helpless.
Yasmina would strike. She'd fight them. Toy with them. Let them think they could escape. Let them call the police and think they'd be safe…
Hmmm, but Leah and Blizzard probably wouldn't be in the same room… Yasmina couldn't get caught if she had to hunt them both down… And she couldn't leave her other friends and family unprotected… Fine, she would have to be more careful about it. Toy with them less.
Either way, the idea of drawing a blade across their necks, watching the skin separate and the blood gush from the wound… watch them choke on their own life force as they beg for mercy… The image was sweet.
Maybe she'd take an ax to them. Hack them into pieces. Watch as they beg for mercy. Just like Brooklynn did…
"Yaz? … You okay?"
Yasmina blinks and looks up. Milton was standing in front of her, crouching down to get on her level. No one else was around. She wasn't even sure where she was.
"Everything okay?" he asks tentatively, blinking in concern.
The idea of strangling him occurs. "Shut up," she snarls. "It's your fault Brook got away with it."
"I-I didn't mean to," he starts to explain himself. Every word felt like nails on a chalkboard. Every word dug him deeper into his pathetic hole. "She seemed fine and I-I thought she was calling Darius—"
Excuses.
She lunges for his throat. She would strangle him for his negligence. She would've if he hadn't flailed and made her lose her grip. He was on his back. She was on top of him. Her claws dig into his skin, causing him pain. Merely a little revenge.
But not enough revenge.
He failed Brooklynn. He failed Brooklynn.
He was part of the problem.
"Yasmina!" a voice snaps, and she's pulled away.
Blood tastes salty in her mouth as she squirms in her father's arms. One look at his disappointed, unnerved face made her settle down… A small part of her was able to admit that she might… possibly… be going insane…
"Let me go! Stop! I didn't mean to!" Leah cries, crawling backwards. "Please! Forgive me!"
The gunshot silences her.
It was comforting to think about Leah and Blizzard dying. The thought of prolonging their death and torturing them was even better. Making them feel the pain that Brooklynn did… Multiplying it by ten… Revenge was sweet…
She could freeze them, perhaps. Revenge was a dish best served cold, after all.
Hmmm, but freezing to death wasn't very painful… At least, not as painful as she would like it to be.
"Would Brooklynn want me to do this?"
The thought was enough to interrupt her daydream. Would… Would Brooklynn want this? She certainly hated both of them… Right? They wronged her. They caused her so much pain, why wouldn't Brooklynn want them dead?
"Would she be horrified to see what I can do?"
… Probably… But Brooklynn didn't have to be there… Yasmina wouldn't kill them in front of her. Brooklynn had already had enough trauma…
"Where will revenge end? With Leah and Blizzard? With Milton? Her parents? Where will it end?"
She tries to dismiss the thought. That didn't matter… Leah and Blizzard were her only concern.
But what about Milton… Or Brooklynn's father… Or mother…
They didn't… deserve to die… Did they?
Should she be worried?
"Maybe you should use crutches."
Yasmina shakes her head, continuing to limp.
She was limping?
She was walking?
Wait, who spoke to her?
Forcing herself back to the bright reality of the hospital halls, she realizes Kenji's beside her. Sammy as well. Where were they headed? How did she get here…
Brooklynn. They were visiting Brooklynn.
Oh…
A nervous shiver makes her twitch. She didn't want to see Brooklynn… She had to, but she didn't want to. She didn't want to see the state her friend was in…
As they presumably approach Brooklynn's room, nervousness knots in her stomach. She hasn't seen Brooklynn since she flatlined… She knew her friend was in a coma. Technically alive, but unresponsive… What would she look like? What would Yasmina do? Should she talk to her? Could Brooklynn hear her? Was she dead, her body simply being kept alive? Was Brooklynn still in there?
Should she say goodbye, just in case?
She glances at Kenji, who's features showed confusion. He approaches a door, from which the sound of arguing comes from.
Yasmina gets worried. Who was arguing? It sounded kind of like Darius… Were the doctors trying to take Brooklynn off of life support?
Her heart stops for a second and she quickly steps past Kenji and into the room. Ben and Darius were the only ones in the room with Brooklynn, and Darius was raging.
"This—" Darius angrily gestures to the bed, "could have been prevented! She could've been saved before this, I know it!"
"Darius—" Ben starts.
"I should've known!" Darius snaps. "I should've paid more attention to her! I shouldn't have been pulling away! I shouldn't have been focusing on you guys! You guys weren't at risk! I shouldn't have listened to you!" He was hyperventilating. "I shouldn't have pulled away! Brooklynn wasn't fine yesterday, I should've gone after her! I shouldn't have trusted Yaz's opinion!"
The previous day comes back. "Hey, where's Brooklynn?" Darius approached her and Sammy.
"She headed back home," Sammy said.
"Alone?" Darius asked, worried.
"She said she's going to hang with her family today," she explained.
"Is she… okay?"
"Mm… okay enough," Yasmina had answered.
She wasn't okay." Tears well up. "Brooklynn wasn't okay… She shouldn't have been left alone with her family. They weren't there for her. Maybe that was our last chance of getting through to her!"
"I told Darius she was fine… She clearly wasn't fine… He backed off because of me…" guilt accuses. "I made the bad call. If I had chosen differently… If I hadn't said that… Brooklynn would still be here.
"If I hadn't come clean with the prank so soon, I could've gotten Brooklynn to confess what happened… I had her trust… I could've gotten it out of her.
"If I had just pushed a little harder that night… If I had just made her tell me what happened, we wouldn't be here… Brooklynn would still be alive.
"It's all my fault. Brooklynn wouldn't be here if I had done the right thing.
"It's my fault, and even Darius recognizes it!"
That flood of grief and guilt comes rushing in, swallowing her whole. It submerges her, burying her in blame. She sucks in a needy breath and the guilt fills her lungs. She was drowning in it.
The guilt. It was her fault. It was her fault!
Drowning, she expels it from her lungs. It sounded like screaming but felt more like vomiting. Her knees give out and she collides painfully with the wall, sinking down with no energy to stop her descent. Every breath felt heavy with guilt. Every scream hurt. She couldn't breathe. Every breath drowned her! There was nothing to breathe!
Arms wrap around her, but they don't pull her out of the grief. Instead, they rub her back, like that would save her.
She was drowning and coughing out the guilt wasn't helping. She tries a new survival tactic. "I'm sorry!" she tries to say. "I'm sorry, Brooklynn! I didn't mean to! I'd die for you! I'm sorry! I tried to save you! I tried…"
The guilt wouldn't let her articulate anything.
Someone takes her hand. "It's not your fault," Ben says. "You didn't do this."
She didn't have the ability to tell him it was… She did… It was her fault. She did do this. She didn't push Brooklynn to suicide, but she didn't stop her, either…
Above her, Ghaleb speaks. "Mom says you need to go back to the car…"
No… She couldn't leave Brooklynn! She had to make it up to her!
Desperate, she moves forward, reaching for Brooklynn…
Her strength leaves her and she slumps forward, leaning on someone… "No… I can't leave you… I have to make it up to you… Brooklynn…"
"Go down to the car and elevate your leg," Ben says, pulling her into a hug. "It's okay."
She shakes her head. "No, I can't…"
"It's alright," Ben whispers in her ear.
"I can't leave her…"
"It's okay, you can go."
Her pleading was useless, just as useless as she had been…
Reluctantly, she allows her brother to sling her over his shoulder and carry her out of the hospital. She felt so helpless… So useless… Pathetic… Still trying to breathe normally after sobbing hysterically…
When Brooklynn first met her, she had been the star athlete. The strong one. The super fast, super strong, stubborn runner. The one they depended on while on Isla Nublar… She did the manual labor. She did the saving when dinosaurs attacked.
Now? Now she was down half a leg, being carried by her brother. She was a snotty mess… Now Brooklynn was lying in the hospital, in a coma, and Yasmina had failed to protect her…
Ghaleb sets her in the backseat and removes her prosthetic for her. Yasmina watches numbly, feeling completely stripped of herself… Her little sister was gone because of her… Because she was helpless and inattentive and…
Ghaleb sets her leg up on the back of the passenger's seat. "Keep it elevated," he instructs her. "I'm… going to find Mom."
Yasmina merely stares off into nothing. What did it matter? Life had no meaning anymore… Her passion. Her purpose. The only thing she could contribute to the world… It was all gone. It was hard to believe that life would continue on… Without Brooklynn…
Bleakly, she looks around the car. The same car she feebly attempted to save Brooklynn in…
Her bag was sitting next to her. Tears brimming, Yasmina pulls it towards her and halfheartedly opens it. Her wallet was in there… a notebook… a pencil…
Intrigued, Yasmina pulls out something unfamiliar. It was a sheathed jambiya knife. The one her grandfather gave her.
"When my Ab died, he instructed my Um to take his ashes, and build them into a jambiya. This jambiya would be called the Althaar."
A little flicker of passion is lit inside her. Althaar meant revenge in Arabic…
"The Althaar is to be used to avenge our family and those we care about. It is also called the Himaaya, and is a weapon of protection for the ones we hold dear to our hearts. It is to be used as such, not as a mere trinket or object of remembrance."
Himaaya meant protection in Arabic…
The ember of passion flickered into a flame.
She had packed the Althaar knife to show off at the party and hadn't put it back when she arrived at home. Perhaps for the better…
The flame begins to lick and burn up the flooded, soaked parts of her heart. Her grandfather had given this to her specifically because he knew she would use it for it's intended purposes. Revenge.
The fire grows, consuming her and burning the guilt. She could make it right. She had failed Brooklynn before… If Brooklynn was to survive, Leah and Blizzard couldn't be around. They could not be allowed to live and torment Brooklynn. They shouldn't even stand before Brooklynn in trial, that would merely force Brooklynn to relive the trauma. No, Leah and Blizzard deserved to die right here and now. It was for Brooklynn's own good.
And if she died… Well, killing them would prevent any other young, innocent girls from falling prey to them. Really, Yasmina would be doing her family and the world a favor by taking them out.
Fire was all she felt. Fire and a lust for revenge and redemption… She would avenge Brooklynn… She would take back her identity and avenge her friend.
She'd find Leah… She'd stab her over and over again to prolong the pain, then slit her throat. She'd hide her body… Leave the crime scene fast… She'd find Blizzard and do the same… She didn't care if she was caught… She would gladly stand trial and proudly proclaim her victory… If she could get away with it, that'd be preferable… That way she could stay around to protect the others… Maybe see Brooklynn recover…
But her first priority was killing them. Second was covering her tracks.
Hmm, but first she'd have to locate them… Leah should be relatively easy. Blizzard would be harder… She would need help locating them both…
Something white within her bag catches her attention. Pulling out the small card, she examines it. It had a phone number on it…
InGen.
"Here is the number you can call if you change your mind about the hybrids or favors," the mysterious man from InGen told them.
Darius had thrown his card away… But Yasmina had kept hers, in case they needed to get inside InGen…
She considers it… Calling them… Getting their help locating Blizzard and Leah…
But that would cause more problems for her… She'd owe them… And did she really want their hands involved in Brooklynn's justice?
No… she wouldn't call them…
But… she still wouldn't throw the card away… Maybe… it could be useful… at some point…
The group heads out to eat breakfast, since apparently enough time has passed for that… Felt like an eternity and a second at the same time. She was given food, and she ate it without complaint, but she had no idea what she was eating…
She had to get to Leah and Blizzard… She didn't even know where Leah lived… Or Blizzard for that matter…
Blizzard was Brooklynn's ballet teacher, former ballet teacher—ah, so that was the reason she quit ballet and had a distaste for it—anyway, it could be assumed that he would live in North Carolina. Unless he moved… What ballet company did he work for? Could she locate him that way?
Leah might be more difficult… Yasmina had no idea what happened to her after their fallout… Did Leah move? Was she still living in North Dakota? Yasmina vaguely remembered hearing that she moved… But where to…
Did it matter? Both of them were states away, making it much harder to track them down, much less kill them…
That InGen card felt like it was burning a hole in her bag…
Under the table, she googles ballet company, with Brooklynn's name next to it. Rosefire Ballet Center appears, with one of the instructors bearing resemblance to Blizzard. It was associated with Brooklynn as well… Located in North Carolina, too.
Satisfied, she puts her phone away and continues to eat. She had a better idea of where to find him now. Leah was still a mystery… If she had to choose just one to kill, she would kill Blizzard… Hopefully she could get to both of them, if she played her cards right… She'd kill either one of them given the chance. But considering they were states away from each other, she might have to choose one or the other… Unless she could hide the evidence long enough to go after the other…
The task was daunting. Yasmina, unfortunately, had never killed anyone… She had no idea where to start. Tracking them down would be a good place to begin, but that presented it's own challenges… Then she'd have to dispose of one in a way that kept her out of suspicion long enough to go after the other…
Unless she could get them both in the same place.
Theoretically, Blizzard wouldn't be too happy with Leah for releasing this information. Technically, the public didn't see the real footage, but an investigation would be underway soon enough. Blizzard would get nervous and mad at Leah… Maybe she'd go see him…
Maybe he'd go see her…
But would that be more suspicious of him? To go visit a random Youtuber? After being associated with Brooklynn? Or would it be more risky for her to visit him? Placing a target on his back by flying out to see him?
And how did Leah even get that footage? Was she working with Blizzard? There's no way Leah could've just hacked in and stolen footage like that… Not without knowledge of who to search… She had to know the guy somehow…
The thought of Leah conversing with this man made Yasmina sick to her stomach and feel like throwing up her food.
For comfort, she imagines slitting their throats with the Althaar. It was much easier to stomach. Enjoyable, even. Imagining their screams of pain. The sound of them choking on their blood. The life leaving their eyes.
It was a lovely daydream.
On the car ride back to the hospital, she researches the ballet company and Leah. She learned that Leah had moved to Oklahoma a few years ago. She was about a three-four hour drive away from the campers. That would certainly make things easier for Yasmina… Blizzard, on the other hand, still lived in North Carolina as far as she knew. Getting to both of them was going to be difficult…
This awful, anxiety-inducing, enraging sound reaches her ears, sending a shiver down her spine. She sends the meanest death glare she has in her towards Ghaleb, who's sitting in the driver's seat, chewing gum in the most obnoxious way known to man. He gives her that sheepishly unapologetic grin that made her even more furious.
"Why?" she hisses, covering her ears.
"You were staring at nothing and weren't answering," he explains. "I couldn't think of anything else to get your attention."
Tears of frustration spill out. Of all the ways he could've gotten her attention…
At least he felt bad enough to spit it out…
The tears don't go away. She was still filled with anger, but it was directed at herself. It was directed at her disorder. Brooklynn was dying and she had a mission. She had to kill Blizzard and Leah. She had to be razor focused on her job. There were so many ways this mission could go wrong. She couldn't fail. She couldn't be focused on anything other than her mission.
And misophonia had the audacity to tear her attention away from it…
The thought of a sound distracting her while trying to kill Leah… or Blizzard… One of them getting away… Or Blizzard getting the upper hand… The idea of her disorder causing her to lose this important battle only fueled her self-hatred even more.
She had to see Brooklynn.
Putting her leg back on, she ignores the funny creaking and walks back to Brooklynn's room. Maybe seeing Brooklynn would solidify the urgency of the mission. And she wanted to see her friend again. She hadn't gotten to see Brooklynn last time, due to Darius's explosion of rage… And she had to apologize to Brooklynn…
Possibly… say goodbye…
The thought brings tears to her eyes. How could she be convinced that Brooklynn was dead, yet refuse to acknowledge the idea that she would die?
Darius was sitting in a chair next to Brooklynn, head hanging low. He looked years beyond his age…
Yasmina mentally grimaces. She couldn't say goodbye to Brooklynn now. Not with him here. She couldn't apologize and vow to kill them. Not in front of Darius. He would try to stop her. Tell her that she would get in trouble.
Or worse, he'd try to join her. No, he would definitely try to join her. And she couldn't let him. She couldn't let Darius get in trouble like that. Her main priority was killing them, not getting away with murder. If anyone could get away with it, it would be Yasmina, but realistically, she knew she probably couldn't… She didn't want Darius to be involved and have to go to prison, too.
It felt like the world was trying to disrupt her plans, and she hadn't even set out for her mission yet. Sighing, she moves to the window and glances out. Brooklynn's parents were in the parking lot. Her father had finally arrived. "Took him long enough," she frowns.
They were fighting. Brooklynn's mother was distraught and furious, while her father barely showed any emotion. He was completely stoic. After a few minutes of this, he got back into his car and drove away.
He didn't even try to see his daughter.
Her eyes widen. "Her father…" They narrow. "He won't even come to see her…"
Mr. Monell won't even see his daughter… He wasn't there for her…
The thought of slitting his throat comes to mind… If she could get away with killing Leah and Blizzard long enough, maybe she'd get around to him… He didn't deserve to live…
"There's a letter."
Yasmina turns to stare at Darius. "What?"
"Brooklynn, she…" he stutters, looking nervous. "She wrote goodbye letters to us… This one's for you."
He holds out an envelope. Yasmina recoils. It was like a stab to the heart. A goodbye letter? She… She meant it? She meant to leave? She deliberately wrote a letter to Yasmina?
Shakily, she moves forward, hesitating to take it. She didn't want to read it… Not really… She didn't want to say goodbye… She didn't want this to be permanent. Maybe if she didn't read it, it wouldn't be true. Maybe reading this letter would seal Brooklynn's death.
But these were Brooklynn's last words to her…
Finally, she decides to take it, and sits down in a chair opposite of Darius. Carefully, she unfolds the paper. There were two papers. Brooklynn really had planned this out…
"Dear Yaz, I hope if you're reading this that I'm dead, and that you weren't the one to find me."
So much for that…
"I know you, you'd drop everything and get to my house through any means necessary as soon as there was any sign I was in danger. And I appreciate that, Yaz. I truly do. I just don't want you to have to deal with that initial finding of my body, for your own sake. You're so strong, Yaz. You've been strong for so long. You hold so much in, I don't want this to be another thing added to your list."
Yeah, this was definitely going on the list…
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Yaz. I know how much you care about me. You'd die for me. You'd kill for me. I'm like your little sister, and I know my death hurts you. I don't know if you feel betrayed or abandoned… Maybe you feel both. I promise you, I wasn't doing either of those. You're better off without me. You deserve a better little sister to be protective of. It's like when you sacrificed yourself for Darius and I in the river. You did it for us. And now I do this for all of you."
Hollow… That's what she felt…
"I'm not who you think I am… I've played a part for so long. I wasn't trying to lie to you, I promise. I didn't want to lie to you. It's just such a dark secret. By now, you probably know Leah released a video of me. I can't even hope that you haven't watched it, unless you haven't found out until now. If so, please don't watch it. You don't need to see that…"
Oh, she had seen it… She saw both of them…
"You know, I was going to tell you. Twice, now… Remember that fight? The one when you pushed me to open up and I threw water on your face and stole your leg and then you wrestled me to the ground? I thought about telling you. I almost did. And then when you pulled the prank for your birthday, I almost shared because I thought you might understand…"
She was right. Yasmina had been right. She almost broke through Brooklynn's defenses. She almost got it out of her… But she didn't push hard enough… She didn't keep the act going long enough…
"I guess in the end, you are the one I ended up telling my secret to. I have to now, because you're never going to let it go. You won't be satisfied if I don't tell you, and I don't want you to watch the video… I slept with a man for popularity. He said he could help me out, and I slept with him to get there… I wish I didn't, but I can't go back now."
She… She genuinely believed that? Did she not remember correctly?
"I wanted to tell you. I thought of all people, you would understand me best. I know your father molested you as a child… But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that would be hurtful. To compare what I went through to what you went through. It wasn't fair to you. It would be insensitive to compare my greediness to your trauma. So I didn't say anything."
Greediness? But Brooklynn endured worse than Yasmina!
"I know you would defend me no matter what I've done, but you really shouldn't. I deserve my fate, and you shouldn't be dragged down with me. I'm so sorry Yaz. You're the older sister I've always wanted. I'm very, very thankful for you. You're one of my closest friends, along with Darius. I almost shared my secret with you because you're such a good friend… In the end, it's better for you that I didn't. At least, while I was alive."
Such a good friend… And yet, she didn't try hard enough…
"Don't blame yourself for this, please. I know you. It's not your fault. Don't take on the blame. You had nothing to do with this."
How could she not? Brooklynn would still be here if she had tried harder!
"It's genuinely not your fault. There's nothing you could've done for me, and I know you hate to hear that, but it's okay. You're an amazing, protective sister regardless. Please, move on. Band with the others and move on from me. You can remember me fondly, but don't be stuck in the past. I'm gone, and there's nothing that will bring me back. And that's okay. Be the older sister that you were to me for Darius. For Habeeba. For Sandra and Shelby and Rio. This isn't a reflection of you. I'm so sorry I had to do this to you. I love you, Yaz. I love you so much."
Her arms drop to her lap, gently gripping the letter. Brooklynn was going to open up. She was going to open up to Yasmina. Twice. Yasmina was the only one who got close to cracking Brooklynn, twice.
And she failed…
She paces.
She almost got through to Brooklynn. She almost got through. She didn't push hard enough.
She almost cracked Brooklynn's secret… She almost lulled Brooklynn into giving it with her prank… She failed to do so… And then she convinced Darius that Brooklynn was fine when she really was not… And then she drove Brooklynn to the hospital…
All along… She had condemned Brooklynn to death with her actions. With her incompetence. With her recklessness.
Brooklynn was dying, in a coma, because of her.
Brooklynn and Darius both admitted this.
Yasmina killed Brooklynn.
Strength is zapped like lightning. Cold, hard ground smacks into her knees. Keeling over, she screams. She screams and screams and screams. She reaches and grabs, but her nails slide against nothing.
Grief, unimaginable grief fills her lungs and her belly and pumps through her veins. She couldn't breathe, the grief was too heavy. It was too liquid.
She chokes on it. Grief was everywhere. She was drowning in it.
Hands pull her up. A hand at her throat. She deserved death. She deserved to die in shame.
Guilt crawls under her skin, seeping through her pores. It was all over her, feeling sticky and heavy. It was like blood poured all over her. It was numbing.
Her hands grab at her scalp and pull. The guilt was everywhere. The pain lets her surface and breathe.
It was better to be in pain.
Her nails claw at her face and neck, trying to scratch the guilt off.
Hands pull hers away. "Stop hurting yourself!"
"She's gone… She's gone!" she wails, grief flooding her lungs again.
"We still have time!"
"It's my fault," she weeps. She had failed Brooklynn. She had failed her friends. Everything that she was was gone. "I should go…"
Go where? Go away? Go to Hell? Where could she go to escape this? Where could she go to make things right?
"NO! You're stronger than this!" Darius's voice penetrates. "You can make it! Don't do what she did!"
She wasn't strong enough.
She was drowning. She couldn't get any oxygen… She was going to die, just like Brooklynn, and she deserved it…
"I'm sorry, Brooklynn, I'm sorry!" she apologizes silently. "I should've done better… I should've done better!"
Leah's stupid face surfaces.
She could redeem herself… No, she could never redeem herself… But perhaps she could make things right. She could prevent Brooklynn's problem from happening again. She could get revenge.
The knife stabbing them over and over again… It was the only image that drained the grief and made the guilt crawl away…
She forces herself to stand. It was a bad idea…
She sits in the chair, staring at Brooklynn. Tubes were attached to her arms and face. She was pale and clammy and still.
Yasmina can't bear to look at her. Leaning against the window, she watches people come and go. Go about their lives…
She could never be the same…
A face catches her eye, shocking her back to reality. Was that Leah?
Taking a second look, yes, it was Leah. Her parents were here, too.
Leah approaches the hospital.
"She's here to finish the job," Yasmina snarls.
She checks her pockets. Ghaleb had given her his hoodie. Did she have the Althaar knife? Yes! She did!
Now was her chance!
She needed help. She needed someone else to know. She'd need a ride to go after Blizzard. A getaway car. Someone who would be down for murder…
Kenji.
She texts him. "Leah's at the hospital. I'm going to kill her. I'm going to f***ing kill her. I have a f***ing knife. I'm going to do it."
He texts back. "Find out who the guy is first. I'll search for his identity."
So Kenji hadn't figured out who he was yet… She didn't have time for that. "You do that, I'm going to kill her."
She mutes her phone and sets it on the windowsill. She'd hunt Leah down. She'd corner her, drag her outside… Hmm, she was in a hospital. Would be hard to hide the body and keep things under wraps while she went after Blizzard…
She could get away fast enough. Get out of the state before anyone figured out it was her. She only needed enough time to track down Blizzard. And she had allies who could help.
Snap!
Her prosthetic leg gives out, sending her to the floor again. Yasmina stares at it in horror. The metal bit connecting to the foot—the ankle, if you will—had collapsed. It was bent out of shape, refusing to support weight…
"No, no, no, no!" she whispers, taking it off. What happened? Did a screw come loose? Did she break it when she carried Brooklynn down the stairs? When she wrestled with the security guard? Did she use it too much? It shouldn't be that flimsy…
Her one chance… Her chance to avenge Brooklynn… To make things right… To redeem herself…
And now she couldn't even walk.
She forces herself to set the leg on the chair. She had no crutches… And even with crutches, Leah would have the upperhand…
Everything was against her…
Crawling into the corner of the room behind the door, she stares at her leg in hatred. She was a failure… And she just kept on failing… Every time she tried to make things better, they got worse…
She was hopeless… helpless… weak…
The door opens, almost hitting her.
Almost.
If it had, Leah might have noticed her in the corner.
Yasmina stares in horror as she approaches Brooklynn. It could get worse. It was getting worse. Everything was worse!
"Oh my god…" Yasmina hears her breathe.
Yasmina's hand grips the Althaar. She stays completely silent, carefully, gently getting on her knees and crawling towards Leah. Her back was turned. She was talking softly to Brooklynn.
Fake hoe.
"I'm…" Leah stutters. Even with her victim unconscious, she couldn't be honest.
Yasmina uses the chair to get to her foot. She unsheathes the Althaar.
"I'm sorry… EAH!" Leah yelps.
She had her.
Yasmina presses the knife firmly to Leah's throat, gripping her shoulder with her free hand to keep her there. And for stability, of course.
Leah's breathing becomes ragged. Fearful. The predator had become the prey.
"I know it was you," she hisses in her ear. "I know you posted that video. I know you edited it."
She lowers her voice to growl. "I know you have the real footage."
Leah whimpers pitifully.
"You knew what you were doing to Brooklynn," she seethes. "You wanted her to kill herself!"
Leah flinches.
"Is that how you do things now?!" Yasmina shouts. "People don't do exactly what you want, so you take their biggest trauma and share it with the world?!"
"I didn't mean for this to happen!" Leah cries.
"What did you think was going to happen?!" she snaps.
"I didn't think she'd kill herself!" she explains.
"Liar," she hisses.
"I didn't want her to kill herself!" she insists.
"Liar!"
"I didn't, I didn't really mean for her to do it!"
"Then what did you want to happen?!"
"I just… I just… She was friends with you and…"
"And the Internet liked her more because poor Brooklynn went through tough times," Yasmina scoffs. "Suddenly you weren't the biggest victim on the Internet. That's what you want to be. You want sympathy. You want to be wronged and never be in the wrong."
"I didn't do anything wrong!" Leah insists. "I didn't release the video, I swear! B-Brooklynn just hates me, she's blaming me for no reason!"
"You're pathetic!" Yasmina spits. "Brooklynn didn't even say anything, you admitted it of your own accord! Even now, you still try to be the victim!"
"You're crazy!" Leah sobs.
"I'll show you crazy," she smirks, adjusting the knife. The moment was finally here. The moment she'd finally kill Leah. Half of the problem would be solved! This whole time, she felt the world was against her, and then Leah was practically dropped in her lap!
"Don't kill her."
She freezes. That… That was audible… but not… It sounded like Ben… But it wasn't him… He wasn't here… No one was here but the two of them and Brooklynn…
"Do not kill Leah."
The voice was so strong, it could've been audible… But only she could hear it…
She knew that voice, whether she wanted to admit it or not…
"It's Leah's fault! She posted the video! She bullied Brooklynn into suicide!" she argues with the voice. "I'm trying to protect Brooklynn!"
"Vengeance is mine, I will repay, saith the Lord," Ben's words from an argument return. "Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good."
Yasmina grits her teeth. The helplessness from a few minutes ago comes back. If she killed Leah, where would she go? She couldn't walk. The evidence would all be there. And while she was fine with going to prison, she wanted to go after Blizzard… As soon as she slit Leah's throat, the clock would be ticking. And in her circumstances, she didn't have any time… If she involved Kenji, then she'd be taking him down with her… If she involved InGen, then she just made a bigger mess for herself and her loved ones…
And if she killed Leah and went to prison, her loved ones would be distraught, on top of Brooklynn's actions…
She wasn't making the situation any better, even if she was physically able to kill Leah and Blizzard.
But could she back down now? Leah would tell the cops and Yasmina would be charged with attempted murder…
She had made things so much worse.
"Might as well go through with it! I've made it worse, so might as well get something out of this situation! At least I can take out Leah!"
"Back down and trust me," that voice says again.
She hated the fact that she had no better option.
Shaking horribly with rage, she releases Leah and slumps down into the chair, muttering every conceivable curse under her breath.
Leah backs away as fast as she could, holding her neck. She looked so relieved… She didn't expect to live… She shouldn't be alive…
The door opens again and the Jaakobah's come in. Immediately, Leah rats Yasmina out. "She tried to kill me!"
Leah's parents look at Yasmina, hunched over in the chair, her prosthetic cast aside, broken. Her shaky hand still held the unsheathed knife.
Yasmina glares at Leah, seething with rage. "You released the video… You knew what this would do to her… And now you come to her room, alone, and think I'll be fine with that?! For all I know, you were going to finish the job!"
It wasn't a lie… Not really… It was perfectly logical given the situation, and she was going to kill Leah to protect Brooklynn…
Leah's parents looked sick to their stomach. Her mother appeared to be on the verge of a panic attack. "Yasmina, please…" her father says cautiously. "Put… put the knife away… Nobody needs to die right now."
Yasmina begrudgingly puts the knife away. She didn't trust Leah… But she trusted Leah's parents enough to know they wouldn't let their daughter kill Brooklynn.
"Leah, what were you thinking coming here alone?!" her mother hisses.
"You drove me all the way here in the middle of the night so I could apologize to her!" Leah protests. "Even though I didn't do anything wrong. Clearly this maniac here pushed Brooklynn to the edge of suicide, she's an insane murderer!"
Her parents immediately try to shut her up. To Yasmina's credit, she barely reacted to Leah's statement. Her story was that she was defending Brooklynn. That story wouldn't hold up if she attacked Leah over words… And Leah wasn't wrong about her being insane… She was just wrong about being innocent in this situation.
"Just stop! Stop it!" Mr. Jaakobah snaps. "You've dug yourself in a deep, deep, deep hole. Stop making it worse."
"Leah," her mother sighs, holding her head in her hands. "How many other people have you pushed into suicide? We read your messages to the other girls. We saw all the videos you have. You… Where did we go wrong?"
Leah laughs harshly, derisively and panicked. "How about not caring about me, for starters? I've never been important to you!"
"You're our daughter!" her mother insists.
"What makes you think we don't care about you?" her father stutters. "We've—"
"What? Put a roof over my head? Given me attention? Food? A good education?" Leah retorts. "Same as every other foster kid you've had? The only thing that makes me special to you is a stupid adoption paper. Past that, everyone has to compete for your attention and care."
"Leah, you don't have to compete for our love," Mrs. Jaakobah insists.
She rolls her eyes and scoffs. "You so don't get any of it. The only way anyone gets attention and love from you both is by being pitiful. By being poor and needy and helpless! You adopted me because I was pitiful and young and you felt bad. But once I was adopted, oh! I wasn't so needy and poor anymore! You didn't need to give me any more attention! Other kids who were worse off than me were more important!"
An obnoxious, mimicking tone creeps in. "'Oh, poor Yaz, she was abused kid who needed a home! Oh look, she's shut off from everyone and needs extra attention to get her to come out of her shell! Why don't we have our daughter be a good friend and help her out!' 'Oh poor Riley, she has no friends! Leah, why don't you go befriend her so we don't feel so bad anymore!' 'Oh poor Brooklynn, a cute little white girl on the Internet with depression! She was stuck on Jurassic Island and therefore exempt from any responsibility for her actions. Obviously Leah is the problem!'"
Her parents stare in disbelief. "Have you been doing all this so that… that… we'll pay attention to you?!" her mother gaps.
Leah inhales exasperatedly. "You don't get it, do you? You're completely unaware! No one wants to side with someone strong! It's 2016, people want to do good. Feel good about themselves. Why else do you help foster kids and animals?! It makes you feel like a good person! That's why people rally behind social issues that don't affect them, because then they can feel like a good person helping the poor and needy!"
She chuckles harshly, shaking her head. "Nobody cares if you're strong and independent. Role model my a**! Nobody's there for you if you're strong! The only way you get attention is if you're the victim!"
She laughs again, sounding more and more unhinged every time. "If you play your cards right, you'll always be the victim and get sympathy. Pull on people's hearts and you can make anyone look bad just for speaking out against you. I'm the one who took all those nobody girls on the Internet and gave them a platform to get famous on. I'm the one who took them in after their families neglected them and helped them. I'M the one who gave Brooklynn a platform! I HELPED HER! She wouldn't even know Yaz if it weren't for me! But all because SHE was on the island, Brooklynn cares about her more than me!"
Leah's parents try to butt in, but she continues. "It is much easier to be loved and cared for on the Internet when you can only do right and never be wronged. I'm a black, bi, adopted orphan whose heart is to take in other girls in similar situations and give them a family. The Internet can't hate me, only those who do me wrong."
She laughs, completely unhinged. "I'm not even into girls, being bisexual just gives me another card to play!"
Yasmina shrinks back in her seat, watching all of this insanity unfold.
Her parents are stunned into silence. "We… clearly really weren't paying you enough attention and care…" her father admits somberly.
"Clearly," Leah hisses. "Robbie. Sheila. Cassie. Lee. Isa. Ildefonso. Fran. I can name all the foster kids you were focused on while I was taking in girls! I can name all the kids you were taking care of when I got those videos! Your foster kids have always been more important than your adopted kid! You stuck me up in your office room when you were fostering Andy! He got his own room!"
"Leah, we put you in the office room to protect you from him!" her mother explains.
"Well, good job, cause he came into the room at night and… molested me…" Leah rants. "It was almost every night… So yeah, your plan worked well…"
A sense of shame crosses her face. Or perhaps it was embarrassment. "Does it even matter what he did to me? I'm not biologically your kid. I'm not so different from all the other kids you took in…"
Leah is moved to tears, momentarily spent of her rage. A small part of Yasmina feels pity for her… A very, very small part of her… But a part nonetheless.
Her parents pull her into a hug. "Leah, we care so much for you," her mother cries silently. "We love you so much… We weren't trying to neglect you…"
"We moved you into the office because the lock on the door worked," her father explains. "We thought… it would keep you safe…"
Her mother sniffs. "I thought we were connecting with you… I didn't know you felt that way…"
Leah's voice, harsh and deadpan, breaks the emotional moment. "It's hard to feel connected with someone who's only real connection to me is a piece of paper."
"We don't see you as anything but our real daughter," her mother insists.
"We love you and care about you," her father says. "We only want the best for you. That being said… we have to talk to the police."
"The police?!" Leah pulls back sharply. "Dad! The police?!"
"What do you want us to do?" her father sighs tiredly. "Between Brooklynn and the other girls and the videos, I…"
"We love you, but what you've done is unacceptable," her mother trembles. "We will always love you, but we can't allow you to keep doing this! You're hurting so many others—"
"You're still picking others over me!" Leah exclaims.
"This is different from the foster kids, Leah!" her father shot back. "What you've done is criminal! We can't defend your actions! You know better than to do what you've done! You were fully aware of what you were doing to those girls! What you did with that ballet teacher!"
"He manipulated me," Leah insists, clinging to anything she could to escape her inevitable fate.
Her father inhales shakily. "You're a minor… Whatever he… did to you is wrong… But you're responsible for your own actions and you knew what you were doing."
Leah falls silent, lacking an excuse.
"I don't want to turn my daughter into the police, but… you've left us no other option," her mother sighs.
Leah finally resigns, reluctantly allowing her father to escort her out of the room.
Mrs. Jaakobah turns to Yasmina, who's still trying to process the whole ordeal. "I'm so sorry, Yasmina. I… I don't know where we went wrong…"
She leaves hurriedly. Yasmina is left alone with Brooklynn and a lot of questions and epiphanies.
All of that… explained a lot. Even after years of not being friends and hating Leah… It still hurt to think that maybe… the only reason she was friends with Yasmina… was because she felt her parents took pity on her and wanted Leah to be friends with her. Of course, then Riley was in the same position, so Yasmina wasn't singled out in that aspect… But it hurt nonetheless.
And then there was Leah taking in Brooklynn and other girls in social media… Did she do it all for the clout? Was there a part of her that did care for the younger girls? In a way, her bit about being the one who helped Brooklynn sounded… protective… As if a small part of her did care about Brooklynn in a sisterly way… And she felt threatened by Yasmina's presence…
If there was any part of Leah that felt that way, it was completely drowned out by her selfishness. And the fact that Leah was actively working with Blizzard… That there were other girls in Brooklynn's position… Other girls Leah threatened… Other girls she could've pushed to suicide…
Her whole mindset on victimhood and using social issues for attention… That was the most extreme take she had ever heard…
She didn't even know how to process Leah being a true victim of that foster kid she mentioned…
Yasmina truly couldn't fathom Leah being wronged at all… She was the devil herself…
And somehow with that confession, Yasmina could see exactly how Leah had gotten to become this way. It absolutely didn't excuse what she did to Brooklynn… Or Yasmina… Or anyone else…
But it was relieving in a way, to find all this out. It gave a sense of closure to see how Leah got here… It solidified that it wasn't Yasmina's fault…
She still hated Leah… But now she felt bad for trying to kill her. Not for Leah, but for her parents… Truly, she didn't want to put them through that trauma, especially after learning all this about their daughter…
Admittedly, in some ways it was better that she didn't kill Leah and let justice prevail legally.
A train of horror hits her. What had she become?! She had attempted murder and felt no remorse! Sure, it was Leah, but still! She was losing it!
She sinks down to the floor, sobbing. She had messed up so bad… She was losing herself… And worst of all, she didn't truly feel bad for her actions… She was horrified by who she had become… And still felt justified…
She was terrified.
Claws tap on the tiles.
Yasmina snaps her head around to see Charlie peeping around Brooklynn's bed. It grins.
She stares at her feet, unable to breathe. It was here. She wasn't asleep.
It was a hallucination… It wasn't real…
Claws tapping… Tapping, tapping, tapping… Getting annoying… Really getting on her nerves… Driving her anxiety higher… It doesn't move. Merely stands there, tapping, tapping tapping.
"It's not real, it's not real, it's not real!" she reminds herself, pulling out earplugs.
They don't drown out the sound. It's all in her head, and it still stands there, tapping, tapping, smiling…
Tapping, tapping, tapping. Tormenting her. It just stood there. Tapping and smiling at her. It didn't make a move. And if it did, what could she do? It was imaginary… It was all in her head… It couldn't do anything to Brooklynn or her, and yet, it was destroying her…
And if it was real, still, what could she do? She was down one leg and helpless…
Completely helpless…
Through the earplugs, she hears the door open. Footsteps approach her. Gentle hands touch her arm and shoulder. Familiar hands.
Yasmina peers out from between her fists to see Ben's concerned face.
Slowly, she disassembles her fetal position and sits up, tears of shame, anger, fear, and defeat freshly flowing. Her hands are shaky.
"Yasmina," Ben frowns. "What happened?"
Her stomach heaves with sobs. "I can't do this," she weeps. "I can't do this… I don't want to live…"
She didn't want to die. Not really. But she had messed up. She had messed up so badly… She had failed Brooklynn. She failed her friend. And when she tried to make things up and fix what she had done, she made it worse… On top of losing Brooklynn, now her family would have to deal with the legal consequences of her actions.
No, she didn't want to die… She felt like she should. She felt like she deserved to die. But she didn't want to die…
She just didn't want to live in the mess she created…
Unfortunately, she knew suicide would only make things even worse for the people she loved.
No matter what she did, she was making things worse for everybody.
"You're suicidal again?" Ben asks. There was no judgment in his voice. No surprise. No appalment. Just concern.
"I don't want to die," she sniffs, wiping her nose on her shirt. "But I feel like I should. I failed her… I didn't save her. I had chances. So many chances…"
She looks up at Brooklynn, lifeless on the bed. "She's dying and I could've saved her…"
Charlie's grinning face peers around the bed, startling her. It's grin was more than malicious and unnerving. It was haughty. It was knowing. "See? Give up. You only make things worse." it seemed to say.
Yasmina gulps, terrified of it. It was here, while she was awake. She was delusional… Hopefully…
"Come with me," Charlie hisses. "Come, away from this world. Away from everyone. All you ever do is destroy."
It was right…
"Embrace me… You deserve every bit of pain I can inflict upon you…"
"What are you looking at?"
Yasmina snaps out of it, looking up at Ben. "Ch-Charlie…" she admits in embarrassment. "My… sleep paralysis demon… It… It's here… and I'm awake…"
Charlie cackles. "Don't you know how insane you sound to him? You're going straight to the asylum."
"I'm going crazy," she whispers.
"You're seeing Charlie?" Ben frowns in confusion. "You're seeing your sleep paralysis demon right now?"
Charlie stands to it's full height, growling. The sneer had turned to anger.
"It's standing right behind you…" she whimpers, looking between Ben and the monster.
Ben turns around, takes a general guess at where the delusion stood and says, "Go. Get out. Leave her alone."
Yasmina wasn't sure if she should laugh or cry at the fact that he was taking her seriously.
Ben says something else unintelligible and Charlie hisses. The monster slinks out of the room, phasing through the door.
Ben looks at Yasmina for any indication that that helped. Instead, she starts crying. "I'm sorry," he apologizes.
"I'm going insane," she weeps. "I'm losing Brooklynn and it's my fault, and I've made everything worse… I can't handle sounds and I can't control anything in my life, not even my delusions…"
She shudders angrily. "And somehow my delusions listen to you!"
"It's okay, Yaz," he hushes, coming to sit next to her, rubbing her back.
"No, it's not… I'm going to be arrested," she bemoans.
"What?" Ben asks.
"I tried to kill Leah…" she whispers in horror. "She'll tell everyone. I'll go to prison… You guys are losing Brooklynn and now you're losing me… I made it so much worse… I tried to fix everything… I thought it would be better if Leah was dead… I… I stopped… myself… but it's too late, I messed up…
"Like I always do…"
As she stares at her hands in horror, Ben gently brushes her hair, trying to untangle the knots and the filth.
She scrunches her eyes, physically pained by his actions. "Stop," she gasps, her heart feeling like Charlie was running it's claws through her.
"I'm sorry, I thought I was being gentle," Ben whispers.
"You were…" she mumbles.
Ben returns to his task, even more gentle this time. The same pain returns, even stronger this time.
"Please, just stop!" she snaps in pain.
"I'm sorry," he apologizes again.
"Just stop!" she cries angrily. "Stop brushing! Stop being gentle! Stop it all! I messed up. I caused more trouble. I know you don't think it was my fault what happened to Brooklynn or that I had anything to do with it, but you can't say I didn't make things worse by going after Leah! Just stop being nice…"
Her lower lip trembles uncontrollably. "I messed up and you're still being just as nice and gentle as ever… It hurts…"
"Me being nice?" he asks.
She thinks for a moment. "I guess…"
He shuffles around on his knees to face her. "What do you mean it hurts, me being nice?"
She refuses to meet his eyes. "I just wish you'd yell at me…" she finally admits. "And the brushing…" She suppresses the urge to growl. "I can do it myself… I'm not… that helpless… I don't need your help… I don't deserve it…"
Ben is silent. She could feel his studying stare, as tangible as if he were touching her. She finally looks him in the eyes.
After a calculating gaze, Ben finally speaks. "Yeah, trying to murder Leah is a big mess up. I can't say it isn't."
Yasmina looks at him hesitantly, relieved that he was finally agreeing with her and being serious… And feeling even more condemned because he was admitting the truth.
"What do you want me to do?" he asks. "Take care of you and stay by your side, regardless of what you've done? Or do you want me to yell and berate you?"
She stays silent, unsure how to answer that. She'd prefer him to get mad… She deserved that…
But did she really want to face Ben's anger? Did she want to face his disappointment? Did she want to lose his love?
"You'd probably prefer the second option," he continues, rather cold compared to his usual disposition. "You might even want me to hit you. Like your father did," he adds.
Yasmina stiffens.
"You never fully recovered from that," he says, to her shock. "You were never enough," Ben lowers his voice. "You were always a disappointment to him. You could never do anything right; there was always something you could do better. He never loved you.
"And you thought it was because of what you did," he sighs, sitting down fully. "His love wasn't unconditional… And you could never earn it."
"Ben," she whispers, wanting him to stop.
"It hurts when I brush your hair because it's nice," he says. "Because I'm being nice. Because I'm helping you when you think you don't deserve it. It hurts because you think you don't deserve love or forgiveness. Not after everything you've done. So any help or act of affection on my part is unwarranted and unearned in your mind."
"Just stop," she hisses, looking at the ceiling, tears brimming in her eyes.
"Why should anyone help you?" he asks. "You accept love based on if you think you deserve it. You accept help based on if you deserve it. And most of the time, you're too harsh on yourself to allow yourself that luxury."
Yasmina covers her ears, hoping that that plus her earplugs would shut him up.
Ben removes her hands and fights her for the earplugs. "Stop!" she snaps, taking the earplugs back.
"You wanted me to stop being nice and gentle, right?!" he snaps back.
She freezes, letting him continue.
"You think it's selfish to accept unearned help and kindness," he growls. "That is why you're a lone wolf. You're afraid of being hurt, but more importantly, you're afraid of being selfish. You're afraid of receiving more than what you deserve. Help, love, and kindness are a luxury you don't think you deserve, so doing it alone is your only option. Because you can't rely on anyone. They're either going to turn on you, or you're going to be blessed more than you deserve. You can't accept my kind gesture because it's better than you deserve."
Yasmina closes her eyes, unable to look at him. Ben turns her head towards him, wiping her tears. A pain in her chest at the action illustrates his point.
Ben's tone softens. "That's why you work so hard to be athletic. It's not that you think your Step-dad would love you more, but that he'd have a reason to love you. More importantly, you'd feel like you could allow him to love you because you earned it in some way. Likewise, you took on the role of protector and warrior on the island. Because it was a way for you to put your skills to good use for the good of the team… But your contribution became your way of earning our love.
"That's why you're so broken and desperate now," he sighs. "You want it to be your fault. If it's your fault, you can fix it. Or at least try to. You can take control of the situation. Or at the very least, redeem yourself. But no matter what you do, no matter how good you are, your conscience will never allow you to be loved. You could do 100 things… You could do ninety-nine of them right, but that one wrong will torment you."
She refuses to open her eyes.
"You've hit rock bottom," he states. "You've done everything you can and it's become even worse. You've reached the end of yourself. Question is, did you bring a shovel? Are you going to dig yourself even deeper?"
Yasmina sobs, knowing his question was completely valid. As much as she would like to deny it… She didn't have a great track record of learning from her mistakes. She was notorious for pushing on even when she shouldn't. Even when she should learn from her mistakes and stop…
"Yaz, when will you learn that you can't do it on your own?" he asks. "This is too big for you to bear on your own. You physically cannot fix Brooklynn, no matter what you do. There is nothing you can physically do to wake her up and save her. And that's not a failure on your part. It's okay to not be able to fix things. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to turn to someone for help and support. You don't need to work for help."
"Who?!" she weeps. "Who can I turn to?! I've made things so much worse for you guys, why should you help me now?! Why should you support me?! Who can I turn to who should help me? Who'd want to help me?!"
"How about God?" Ben sighs.
She goes silent, thinking over what he said. Turn to God? Could she? Would he help her?
If she was being honest with herself, despite how stupid she felt about it, she did believe…. As stubborn as she was, she couldn't deny some of the things that had happened to her… She couldn't deny the power Ben had… Try as she might, she couldn't convince herself it was fantasy anymore…
She wanted to believe… She wanted what Ben had… He was so calm and collected. Perhaps it was just his personality… Or the way he was raised… Or what he believed…
She wanted to believe. She wanted the comfort and closure that he had, no matter what was happening around him.
She wanted to believe… She did believe…
"So what if God is real. Why would he help me? With how many times I've denied his existence? With how many times I've asked for help and then denied him? I ask for help in my weakest moments and then after he helps me, I deny that it was him! I take credit for his help! Why would God ever accept me?!"
Yasmina remembers the times she denied God…
"You're backpedaling, aren't you?" Ben asked in the hospital. "Giving back the gift of salvation he gave you."
"I don't know, okay?" she sighed. "I don't know what came over me back there. I don't know why I was so scared of Hell. I've never cared… I've never believed…"
"Then why did you ask?" Ben frowned. "Why did you willingly get saved. I didn't bring it up or force you to, you did it of your own free will. I don't recall ever talking to you about God or anything of the sort."
"There was just this feeling," she said. "A feeling of… desperation. This need to ask and get saved. I guess on the off chance that there is Heaven and Hell, I wanted to be on the right path."
"So you don't know if it's real or not," Ben stated.
"I don't know what to believe," she admitted.
"Are you afraid of what people will think?" he asked. "Your family? Are they still Muslim?"
Yasmina snapped. "Religion only exists to control people. There's no God."
"Can I really stay saved if I deny God's existence?" doubt hisses.
Weakly, she argues with doubt. "That was a while ago… I was new to it… I didn't truly believe he existed back then…"
The next time she denied God comes… She had… God had helped lift her out of her depression and give her motivation to get back to walking. Her step-father in particular was discussing her turn of mood. "What changed? he asked. "What made it dawn on you?"
Yasmina almost told him who she prayed to and her miraculous help, but doubt entered. Embarrassment entered. Fear of what her step-father would think. "Um… I don't know," she lied. "I guess the answer was always there. I just couldn't see it until last night."
"I knew who helped me and I cowered… Why would God want to help me after I cowered? I knew he did it and I refused to stand strong. Why would he help me if all I'll do is backpedal as soon as someone confronts me?" guilt accuses.
The third major instance she remembered occurred when her sensory issues were overwhelming… Only two days ago…
"I know I don't deserve it," she prayed silently. "I know it's insignificant… But could I give my misophonia to you, God? Could I give this to you to deal with? For just one minute! Please just one minute of relief!"
And one minute, he gave. Yasmina was given two minutes of relief, one more than she had asked for.
She was grateful. At first. And then she started to deny it. She was afraid of what her family would think. Worst of all, she was insulted that she couldn't deal with the problem on her own. Instead of being grateful, she feared what others would think…
Truly, she was afraid of trusting God in the long run… She tried to convince herself that it was really her, that it wasn't God. Because if it was God, then she would have to rely on him, and could she really rely on him? Ben was right… She relied only on herself for multiple reasons… And if she were to admit to others—if she were to admit to herself—that it was God who helped her in those times, then she'd have to surrender. Could she surrender? Could she trust him with her life?
Then again, could it get any worse than what she had turned her life into?
"Could God ever forgive me for this? After all his help, I deny him! I take the credit! I'm embarrassed of him! I cry for help when I need it, but refuse to be associated with him! I've denied him at least three times! I'm unforgivable!" guilt shouts.
Yasmina chuckles bitterly. "Ben, I can't," she sniffs. "Why would he help me? I sought him and cried for help, then as soon as I was better, I denied him and took credit for it. I've denied him at least three times…"
Ben attempts to hide an amused smile, which she decides to ignore. "Why would he help me now? What's to say I'm not going to do exactly the same thing? There's no point in him helping me, I don't… learn from my mistakes… I don't deserve forgiveness…"
"Who does?" he shrugs. "That's what grace and mercy are. Grace is getting something you don't deserve. Mercy is not getting what you do deserve. God sent his son to die for our sins. Jesus was the sacrifice."
He thinks for a moment. "If you could die to save Brooklynn, would you?"
"Yes," she whispers immediately.
"Why?"
"Because I love her… I love all of you…"
Ben smiles. "God is love. If you'd be willing to die for your friends, how much more willing do you think Jesus was?"
"But…" she sniffs. "I've denied and betrayed him. Eventually… he has to turn me away, right? I don't deserve his sacrifice."
"No one does," Ben says softly, and Yasmina sheepishly wonders just how much patience he had to possess to deal with her. "That's what grace is. We've all fallen short of perfection. There's no way for us to earn salvation. If we could have, Jesus wouldn't have had to die, right? If it was possible for us to make things right with God, why would he need to sacrifice himself?"
"I mean…" she couldn't argue with that. "He'll… really accept anyone?"
"God will meet you where you are," Ben says. "Salvation is a gift. A gift is something given willingly without payment. It's grace that Jesus died for us; we didn't deserve it. It's mercy that we don't have to suffer in Hell. Grace and mercy are undeserved. Your excuse is that you don't deserve it. That's literally the requirements for grace and mercy!"
Yasmina hugs her knees, trembling. She understood it all, but found the concept hard to grasp. "I… don't have to do anything?"
"That's what a gift is," he repeats. "Come! Whoever will, let him take the water of life freely. You don't have to earn love, Yaz. You don't have to earn help. God's love is unconditional. His salvation is for anyone and everyone who's willing to accept it." He brushes a strand of hair behind her ear. "You're no exception."
She blinks back tears. "I… I tried to murder someone… You… You're not perfect, but…"
"I'm definitely not perfect," he says grimly. "I've got my fair share of sins… Heck, most of them were committed while I was Christian. Yaz, this all happened two thousand years ago. God knew everything you would do. He knows everything you will do. And with that knowledge, if you were the only person on earth, Jesus would still die for you. All you have to do is accept his gift. That's all that needs to be done to get to Heaven. You don't have to clean up your life. Nothing. Just accept his gift."
She stares at the floor. She wanted to accept it… But she couldn't wrap her head around it. Unconditional love and forgiveness were foreign concepts she couldn't grasp… She wanted to do it… But she just couldn't let herself…
"Please," she whispers, silent tears wetting her face and arms. "Pray for me… I want to accept it… But I… I can't let what I've done go…"
Ben holds her hands and presses his forehead against her. "God, we come to you with Yasmina. You know her heart, you know what's holding her back. You love her so much. Open up her heart to receive your love and forgiveness. Show her how you see her. Show her how much you love her."
He looks up at her and softly smiles. "Can I try brushing your hair again?"
"Yeah…" she mumbles.
Ben as gently as possible brushes the tangles out of her hair. The pain wasn't there… At least, it wasn't excruciating. The feeling of guilt was still there…
Yasmina feels weak with despair. She had wrecked her life with her attempt on Leah. She had placed her family and friends in a horrible position, on top of dealing with Brooklynn's suicide. Her stubbornness had gotten her in a lot of trouble, but not this bad… She had no idea how to move forward or how to improve the situation.
Ben finishes brushing her hair. It wasn't silky or clean by any means, but at least it was tangle free. He then examines her prosthetic.
"I've royally messed up, on top of what we're dealing with," she states, looking up at Brooklynn. "I don't… deserve help… Are… Are you sure God would give me grace and mercy?"
"Yes," he nods.
"I… Two days ago, I was overwhelmed with misophonia…" she admits for the first time to someone. "I asked God to give me a minute of relief… I got two minutes of relief. Will… Will God help me with my misophonia? Or my disability? Or even the mess I created with Leah?"
"He will," Ben agrees. "You've gotta give them to him. You're trying to deal with them in your own strength. You have to surrender them to God. Let him tackle them. Trust me, that's what I've been doing this whole night." He chuckles, looking up at Brooklynn on the bed. "I have to trust him with her. I've got no power here."
"Give him my problems?" she murmurs. She wasn't sure how to give intangible problems to an intangible God… "God, I don't know if I'm doing this right… But it's the best I can do…"
Letting out a deep breath, she hands her earplugs over to Ben. Reaching up, she grabs her prosthetic, awkwardly handing it to him as well. Lastly, she pulls out the Althaar knife, in it's sheath. She stares at it, feeling the weight of what she was doing, even if it was only symbolic. She was giving away her chance at revenge. Her chance at hiding the evidence…
All she had done so far was create more disaster. She couldn't fix this. "God, you apparently love me enough to die for me… Ben says I can trust you with my problems. I… I surrender my right to get revenge on Leah. I… I surrender Brooklynn to you… I don't know how you'll fix all of this… But you're the only one who can…"
With tears, she hands it over to Ben.
Ben awkwardly holds all the items, smiling with genuine joy behind his eyes.
That same urge she felt on the island comes back. The urge to make things right with God. It was more subdued and less urgent than when she lost her leg, but it was there all the same. "Do… I know I accepted his gift back on the island when I was dying… Do you think I really accepted it? Can I… accept it again?"
"Of course," Ben says, putting the stuff down in a chair.
"What do I say?" she asks.
"There's not really… a right thing to say," he says, crouching down in front of her. "It's surrendering your life to him and accepting his salvation."
He takes her hands. "Repeat after me. God, I know I'm a sinner."
"I know I'm a sinner," Yasmina chuckles sheepishly.
"I know that you love me so much, you sent your son to pay for my sins… I accept your grace… I surrender my life to you… I accept you into my heart, and confess with my mouth that you are my Lord and Savior. Amen."
She truly meant it. Yasmina had run back and forth, testing God and running away. She wasn't sure if she believed he loved her… But she surrendered. Whatever would happen, she wasn't going to run away. If Ben was right and God loved her unconditionally, then she'd experience it for the first time… But if God put her through Hell before taking her to Heaven, then so be it…
Ben was praying, sometimes in gibberish, sometimes in English. "God, let her feel your love… Show her your unfailing love…"
Yasmina looks up at the ceiling, slowly letting out her breath. When she inhales, the air feels different. A tingling sensation starts in her lungs and spreads throughout her body. Her trembling body stills. Something like water or wind washes over her, washing off the guilt sticking to her body. As she exhales, the guilt that had been sitting in her lungs drains. She inhales again, and peace comes. More peace than she had ever felt in her life. Anxiety was gone. Despair was a fading memory. A fire ignites within her, warming her. It felt like comfort. Security. Trust. A lack of worry.
"Is this… love?" she gasps, looking up at Ben. Before she knew it, she was weeping and his arms were around her. "He loves me!" she stutters out. "He loves me…"
"Yes, yes he does," Ben says, crying too. "He always has."
Yasmina takes in another deep, worry-free breath. "You love me… You love me… I will never, ever deny you again."
End note: No, I don't know when Ben's chapter will come out. I will write when I can. I have no approximate date for an update. Please, be patient.
Ben's chapter: Waymaker, by Sinach.